Top Stories

People Explain Why They'd Rather Go Through IVF Treatments Than Adopt

Everyone wants to keep their options open....

Creating a family of one's own (whether it be with a partner or by yourself) is a sacred and beautiful life decision. Unfortunately the road to success on this path can be bumpy. Sometimes mother nature doesn't play fair and hopeful parents have to find "special" ways to bring their new loved one home. Two of the ways to make a family is through the medical procedure of IVF and adoption. Both are tried and true methods, but for many, doing IVF and creating a "biological" bond often outweighs adoption, which can be a controversial decision.

Redditor u/ellie1398 wanted to hear from people who are trying to fulfill their dreams of creating a family from flesh and blood by asking.... [Serious] Why would people rather spend a fortune on in vitro fertilization than adopt a child?

"Nothing Missed"

Trust me, you didn't miss out on much. Pregnancy is not usually fun. I threw up 3-5 daily for the first six months, even while on medication for morning sickness. And childbirth is pretty gross. Most women poop while in labor. I did. Not to mention all the other bodily fluids I'll probably have another bio kid, but I really do want to adopt after that. Or do foster care Blood doesn't make you a family, love and connection does. And adopting doesn't mean your kid is any less your kid.

On the same note, I get not being able to conceive must be really tough.

Sleepypolarbears

"Soul Based"

I have a cousin, infertile, who spent years trying to adopt and spent a huge amount of money going through the process multiple times, honestly sometimes adopting goes great and other times it turns out to be a soul-crushing effort in futility.

Sandcat789

In America.

My father-in-law and mother-in-law adopted four children after they married, in part because he had had a vasectomy while married to his first wife. One of the children was taken back by the birth family after a single weekend. Two of the other three eventually involved going to court with extended members of the birth families, who found out about the adoptions years later and wanted to claim the children.

With IVF, you are certain you will have parental rights. It's not so certain with adoption, at least in America, because many courts will favor those with a genetic connection (and almost all will at least listen to them).

Skippy-fluff

No Cheap Way. 

For what it's worth adoption is often expensive too. And it can take a very long time - you don't get to just go down to Babies'R'Us and pick your favorite, you have to be more or less chosen by an expectant mother. And they can often fail to come fruition - mama gets cold feet, or something.

grombleduke

Uneasy. 

People act like there are just a ton of adoptable babies. There is not. Most kids that are readily available have major health, mental, or emotional problems, especially older kids.

edwinthowaway

Their own genetics to live on.  

Depending on where you choose to adopt from it can cost as much as 50k. Adopting an infant is often a stressful process since the mother retains rights to terminate the process at any time up until the final moment. That means you could spend all of the money and emotional effort to go through the process only to have it derailed last minute.

Another issue is that often times older children come from extremely hostile and unhealthy environments. They have emotional issues and behaviors that make raising them much harder.

The last issue, and the most superficial, is that people want their own children. Their own genetics to live on.

wuflubuckaroo

More than you can handle....

As an AP there are a lot of people who are not ready to adopt and kids suffer for it. I think they should do more to ensure parents are ready, especially if they are adopting transracially or after infertility. So many kids end up with parents who can't handle what adoption brings with it.

And when it comes to foster care, the standards should be even higher. The only thing worse than being removed from your parents due to abuse or neglect is facing that same situation in a house full of strangers.

honeybadger1214

After the 1st...

We went through IVF and had our first child. A few times through the process we were asked "why not just adopt?". We both agreed we would try to have OUR child first, but that didn't mean adopting was off the table. Even if you go through IVF, it has a slim chance of working.

DoubleOrNothing90

Soured....

I can't speak personally, but I asked a friend of mine this exact question, as his wife is going the IVF route first. They both know people who have attempted to adopt, sometimes two or three times, and every time the expectant mother pulled out of the process. If one's friends all have a 0% success rate of adoptions, I imagine it can turn you real sour to the process.

Chordus

The Process....

Apparently 50% of all fertilizations, both natural and IVF, just fail. I talked about this with a researcher once. They just can't explain why there is a coin flip of a chance of the fertilized egg from being viable. The process just failed to start. With no clear explanation. Women often don't even notice that this has happened. The process just fails to start.

Made me realize that successful pregnancy, even if common, is extremely difficult and lucky.

SinisterCheese

"More Invasive"

In our state, adoption is more invasive than IVF. Instead of privacy between you and your doctor, you have to submit to all sorts of home studies, interviews, agency visits, and questions being asked by all sorts of people to all parts of your life. And in the end, the option for IVF was covered by medical insurance, whereas all adoption fees are yours to incur.

chimusicguy

"A note on the premise"

First, I want to acknowledge that I'm extremely pro-adoption. My comments aren't meant to suggest I'm not, but rather an attempt to answer the question.

A note on the premise, adoption isn't exactly cheap. It's not like a $20 donation to the animal shelter. I don't think anybody views adoption vs IVF as a strictly financial decision, but there are too many factors to make a blanket statement about the financial particulars for every situation.

Also, depending on your state, adoption can be a pretty brutal process, frankly.

Some states require you to spend time in the foster care world (which can be heart-wrenching) and it's not exactly uncommon for birth parents to try and regain custody- an emotional and financial nightmare. Nobody's suggesting it isn't, but adoption is hard on both the parents and children in a way that having a baby of your own is not.

For what it's worth, and I'm not saying I agree with it, people who want children may occasionally view adoption as a method of last resort.

On the flowchart of how people might choose to have children, I'm betting the order of priorities for those with the means to consider all of the options in play goes as follows:

conceive naturally - conceive with assistance - adoption

Again- not meant to be an encapsulating comparison between IVF and adoption, but rather an observation of what folks given that choice might consider.

WatchTheBoom

"Disqualifications"

Mental illness definitely disqualifies you from a lot of adoptions, but possibly only the international ones. (And only certain countries.) So does your age, the amount of time you've been married, and whether or not either of you are divorced. Oh and a lot of them require that you be a member of a Christian church.

NeedsMoreTuba

"Difficult Pickings"

People seem to think adoption is like in old times TV shows where you just go to an orphanage and pick a baby. My sister in law adopted a baby and the birth mother changed her mind. It was heart wrenching. My parents were foster parents to a little boy and spent two years taking him to visits with his birth parents before they signed over their parental rights and my parents could adopt him.

It was a roller coaster two years because you LOVE this kid and at any moment the courts could decide his parents are no longer unfit parents and you have to give him back forever. That kind of emotional roller coaster is not something everyone can handle.

SylkoZakurra

"Starting Clean"

I've wanted to adopt kids basically since I was a kid myself, but I know it's not easy emotionally, financially, or mentally for a lot of cases.

I think a lot of people want to start off their families 'clean' so to speak, meaning no government interference (since IVF just requires medical interviews, checkups, etc) and potential issues with biological parents. Beyond that, there may be other health issues that can rise up from the time in utero or the first months/years (depending on what age the child is ofc) that will affect a child's development/personality/health and that you have no control over whatsoever.

Then even beyond that, there's the added step of figuring out how to explain to your child that you aren't genetically related and dealing with any identity questions they may have arise from that discussion.

I want to adopt, but I can definitely see why people are very hesitant to do so and turn to other means to build their families.

bipolarsandwich

"Trauma"

I initially wanted to adopt, then I looked into it more. I'm in the UK, and generally babies are not given up at birth, but children are removed from the home after going through hell. They deserve love and support, but they need someone who can handle the inevitable damage that has occurred. As much as I wanted to adopt, I had to admit, with my mental health issues, I cannot be strong enough to help a child through such trauma.

chocolatefeckers

"Hey Gene"

Isn't IVF also still using your egg and or sperm, so theres still the whole biological component some people still want their genes passed down.

Piemaster113

I think it's the best answer to OP's question by a mile. But it's one of those things that people don't necessarily feel proud about, not really a feel good thing to say "I would prefer to raise my actual biological offspring." Even though most people probably feel that way to some degree. And on the other hand, as you say, if you feel committed to doing the obviously 'righteous' path you would be more inclined to advertise that.

ibuprofen87

"nature"

I'm surprised biology isn't a bigger part of the conversation.

That biological link is the entire "nature" side of rearing a child. Adoption only allows you to pass on your knowledge, and has zero genetic influence on the next generation. You'd miss out on seeing their hereditary traits develop and furthering your bloodline.

This thread smacks of charitable pretentiousness that ready parents should donate their attention to children already in need instead of doing something as selfish as, god forbid, having a kid of their own.

obscureferences

"bad blood"

I've always considered adoption to be the first choice, even before having your own, my reasoning isn't because I was in foster care, because I've never been in it, my reasoning is, there's too many people in the world and bringing more into an already doomed world is selfish, you get to love that kid for a few years and that kid has to suffer through life for the rest of its, and also, my family is damn awful, I don't want my bloodline to continue, not to mention the hereditary heart disease, sciatica, blindness, poor posture because of our height, constant aching bones and the few other things were prone too.

donteatmyshoe

"Restrictions"

There are actually very strict rules about adoption (although i only know about England) and one of the factors is age, so if you've spent years trying for a baby and doing IVF then often you simply can't adopt because you won't meet the requirements. this is what happened to my brother and his wife, they were so upset by it, their last option and it wasn't even available for them.

phxebe03

REDDIT

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

The Silliest Statements People Have Ever Heard Anyone Utter

Reddit user Automatic_Hedgehog71 asked: 'What is the silliest statement you have ever heard someone make?'

Woman with face to palm
Jussara Paulo/Unsplash

Kids say the cutest things, don't they?

Their unfiltered observations about life's many mysteries can be downright hilarious and serve as reminders of their pure innocence.

But it's less forgivable when adults make naive comments because, well, shouldn't they know better?

That's not always the case, however.

Curious to hear ridiculous examples of the things grown people say, Redditor Automatic_Hedgehog71 asked:

"What is the silliest statement you have ever heard someone make?"

Some people should really think twice before opening their mouth.

Work Of Art

"'How did they get the paint all the way up the sides?' -Middle-aged woman touring the Meteor Crater in AZ."

“'That’s not paint, those are the actual colors of the rock' -Her husband, giving her a long stare and walking away."

– ghostbungalow

For Trial And Error

"I had a boss say 'oh you don’t want kids, you should just have one to try it out.'"

"Really, and what happens if I find out that I truly don’t want kids? Can we just put it back where it came from?"

– tyintegra

Confused Soldier

"I worked at a place that gave a military discount."

"Family (mom, dad, adult son, adult daughter) walked in. Dad was reading the prices and pointed out to the son that he could get a discount!"

"This kid takes the sign, reads it, and says, as God is my witness:"

"I'm not in the military. I'm in the Army."

– JustMeerkats

To Live Or Let Die

"Someone once told me that paramedics/nurses/doctors are not allowed to do CPR on someone they know because it’s 'a conflict of interest.'”

– corviknight2259

It's a wonder how some people manage to live in the real world.

Know Your Audience When Using Big Words

"Sat down to eat with a friend. I said 'I'm famished' she looked at me, laughed and LOUDLY she said to me 'I swear you make up words sometimes.'"

– NotBadSinger514

"Oh man people say this to me all the time! Why did I read books and learn so many words, when no one understands them, and I really didn't think they were so pretentious, words like Famished."

– Person_Letter_629

Not Icarus

"A friend of mine said she got more tanned when riding her bike than she did when walking because on her bike, she was 'closer to the sun.'"

– Five_Star_Amenities

"This just reminded me of a time I was out on a boat with a big group of people and one of them said 'I’m so glad it’s windy, I won’t get sunburned' they thought the wind would push the light away from their skin. I was the only one to say it definitely doesn’t work like that and I could tell they thought I was wrong."

– Thbbbt_Thbbbt

The Symptoms Indicate Otherwise

"Earlier today I offered a cough drop upon my flight’s landing to the lady wet coughing right behind me the whole flight."

'Oh, no thanks, I’m not sick. I just went to Oregon and have felt awful the whole time since.'

"Okay…so…sick"

– ACaparzo

Completely Lost

"A friend once said she couldn't take Southwest Airlines because she was flying east to Florida."

– ProudCatLadyxo

"How do they get the planes back? Do they repaint them as Northeast? Or do they just push them?"

– ch4m3le0n

"They just keep flying south until they come back around."

– frymeyourpoop

A Silly Sports Spectator Said

"I was at a baseball game in Cincinnati and the teenage girl behind turned to her friend and said 'this is so cool, it's almost like we're watching it live.' I think about that a lot."

"EDIT: based on the look of the girls and their other conversations this was no joke, there was no laughing either. Don't remember the exact year but flip phones were the most common cell phone and we had seats in the outfield so she didn't appear to be watching the game thru her phone. This also wasn't the first time that day where I heard them say something and I stopped what I was doing and stared straight into space, just the most memorable. They seemed like nice enough girls, no malicious or rude conversations, it just appeared like they lacked some basic intelligence for some relatively simple concepts."

– Michael_With_An_M

You can't be difficult and clueless at the same time, can you?

Observe exhibits A, B, & C.

Unpalatable Texture

"A woman tried to send back a dish. She didn’t understand the components of it and tried to tell me that she couldn’t eat it because she was allergic to crunchy. Like yeah the texture. Not the ingredient that we had made crunchy."

– BuckleupBirds

"LMAO. Makes me feel better about the guy who asked a friend (server) for ‘Mushroom risotto, but without the rice’."

– Mavises

I'll Have The Pie And Ice Cream With A Side Of Ice Cream

"Had an older family member that back in the day went to a diner and ordered the 'pie a la mode' from the menu. He then proceeded to ask the waitress if they could put a little ice cream on top of that. : )"

– Fluffing_Satan

My husband and I were walking around a gift shop in Solvang, CA, and marveling at some of the various tchotchkes.

One of them was a MOVA globe.

MOVA globes are usually about the size of a softball held up by three small supports, and they rotate without the use of electrical wires or batteries.

Instead, they're powered by the combination of solar cells and torque from the earth's magnetic field. We didn't know this at the time, however.

When a worker nearby saw us being mesmerized by the shelf of spinning globes, he commented, "Cool, right?"

And I replied, "Yeah, how does it work?"

The dude gave a sly smile and said:

"It's an optical delusion."

Or illusion...

View of two high rise buildings.
Photo by Robert Stump on Unsplash

We all have various brands and businesses we tend to prefer over others.

Sometimes, we might not patronize these businesses because they have a superior product, but because they might seem more trustworthy than their competitors.

Indeed, some people have had such terrible experiences with companies, even some esteemed corporations, that they went running from them straight into the arms of one of their rivals.

Vowing that they would never, ever spend money on this company ever again.

Redditor SignificantClick8284 was eager to hear which companies people have zero trust in, leading them to ask:

"What company will you never trust again?"

Their Poor Communication Is Kind Of Ironic...

"Comcast."

"Their agents will lie to your face and act like you're in the wrong when called out."- bigdammit

customer service call center GIFGiphy

Not A Place To Spend Or Save Your Money...

"Ashley Furniture."

"Joke of a company."

"Bank of America - also scum."- KrankOverman

Better Question, What Question Will You EVER Trust Again...

"Unfurls paper scroll that stretches to the floor and rolls out the door."

"Ahem."- djb2589

"I see no reason to trust any company."- lycos94

When The Conformation Email Is Moot...

"Booking.com."

"I 'booked' through them just to find out that the hotel had no record of my reservation."

"Then I spent an hour in the lobby trying to get them on the phone, just to find out the price wouldn’t be honored and have them try to sell me another nearby hotel room."

"Nightmare."- DuncanAerilious

"Oh, oh The Well's Fargo Wagon Is A Comin'..."

"Wells Fargo."- clubberlang2005

"Yup."

"I was one of the WF customers who suddenly had 3 mystery WF accounts under my name."

"This was prior to the court case so I went in to my branch to ask WTF."

"The manager said the guy who set up those accounts was the same guy that setup my original 2 accounts - a checking and savings account."

"That a-hole tried to make it sound like he was doing me a favor by setting up all these accounts."

"Making it worse he says I need to login to my account in order for him to remove the other 3 accounts."

"He hands me that password box, I enter my password and he says 'that's an easy one to remember'."

"Is that your favorite band?'"

"After he said that I asked for the branch manager and told him what just happened and that I was closing all of my accounts'."- thescreamingstone

kate mckinnon snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

"That's All Folks!"

"ACME."

"Every f8cking thing."

"From anvils to bat suits to zoot suits always FAIL."- alien_survivor

Not Equipped For The Digital Age

"HP."

"Thier printers (large and small format) are all complete trash that require constant upkeep."- Bluegrass_Barbarian

Pictures And Fine Print Can Be Misleading...

"Airbnb."- pkovach64

"My wife and I were drinking and got pretty drunk at an Airbnb and without letting us know the hosts sent a bunch of people to the property to refill the propane and other stuff."

"They came into the house while we were drunk and half-naked and were catcalling my wife in front of me."

"This was a pretty big and well-known group operating in Tennesee."

"From what we found out this is extremely common."- Huge-Plantain-8418

Giveaway GIF by AppSumoGiphy

Analog Has Its Benefits...

"EA."- bullet312

"I lost all my sims sh*t because I hadn't logged in for more than 6 months."

"EA told me to reset my password so that they could restore my account."

"They kept saying the link was in my email, but it never came."

"Kept calling to try to get the issue fixed over a few weeks, then I realized they were just d*cking me around."

"F*ck EA."- MotherOfDogs1872

And To Think They're Supposed To Help You...

"Any insurance company."

"Especially health and homeowners."- carolizzy81

FalsE Advertising

"Nabisco."

"They took double stuffed Oreos, reduced the amount of cream to the same as the regular Oreos, and are still selling them as double stuffed, and are charging double stuffed prices!"

"The betrayal is unforgivable."- It_Wasnt_Me79

oreo GIFGiphy

As If Taxes Aren't Annoying Enough...

"Jackson Hewitt!"

"Had our taxes done a while back, and the tax preparer asked if we wanted the $200 cash advance."

"We did not."

"She then proceeded to change our information and use hers to get the temporary card with the advance."

'She then used an ATM to withdraw cash."

"She was arrested, but getting a refund was like pulling teeth from a hen."

'They didn't believe that it happened even though we had the paperwork with the tax preparer's information on it."

"It was a frigging nightmare!"

"Oh, I almost forgot she added me to the return and said I was the sister instead of the mom, so we ended up owing $1500 on top of the bullsh*t from the tax preparer."

"I do our taxes now."- RoguePhoenix259

People like to know when they're spending money that it's going somewhere they can trust.

Especially if their money is going somewhere that is supposed to keep their money safe, to begin with...



A group of people running through the trees in the desert
Photo by Jed Villejo

Humans seem to get swept up in group mentality and ignorance far too often.

Just because 10 of your neighbors jump off of a bridge, should you?

Celebrity fads, diet fads, Black Friday sales...

The masses love to blindly join in on the crazy.

Or the fun. it's a coin toss.

Redditor AdmirableFlow wanted to hear about group mentality that wasn't too bright, so they asked:

"What's the most severe case of mass stupidity you've ever witnessed?"

There is no greater group of followers than people who run every time Apple puts out a new product.

Same phone, just a thousand dollars more.

The Dodge

happy tom cruise GIF by South Park Giphy

"Scientology."

Supersaiajinblue

"The rich ones at the top are just in for the tax dodge. A lot of the ones below them are in it thinking they can shmooze with the rich ones at the top and become one of them some days. So yeah dumb but with a layer of greed involved."

Doright36

Bad Socials

"Before social media, I just assumed people were mostly educated. Boy was I f**king wrong."

"Not only was I wrong, but now I myself feel stupid for believing that for so long."

Vitzdam-

"Up until my early 20s I felt like I was smarter than 90% of the people around me, being generous. It seemed like so many people were just complete morons, and I had this massive smug sense of superiority feeling that I was just more intelligent (and thus better) than most people."

"As I aged, I began to realize how far I'd shoved my head up my own a** and I understood that while I might have been naturally gifted in some ways, there were others in which I was the 'idiot' and other people were capable and intelligent. I felt like a real a** for feeling so much better than others, and I felt humbled."

"And then everything since about mid-2015 happened and I've really started to wonder if maybe I was just right for the wrong reasons before..."

TypicalAd4988

Without Fail

"Maybe not the most severe, but one that everyone here has personally seen at least once in their lives. When at an airport and the gate agent says 'We're about to commence boarding. Please remain in your seats until your group has been called.' And then half the people were waiting standing up and crowding the gate in a scene of utter chaos. Every time, without fail."

-Dixieflatline

Rushed

"The great toilet paper rush at the start of COVID. There was nothing about COVID that threatened the global toilet paper supply, and yet people just started panic-buying it and artificially creating a huge shortage."

"(We would eventually realize that there was a small uptick in toilet paper sold for private use, as many people were going to the bathroom at home more than at work, but no one realized that at the time and it had nothing to do with the panic - people just started buying more because people were buying more)."

Notmiefault

Seriously?!

Skin Care Girl GIF by Lillee JeanGiphy

"Thousands of people during the pandemic thinking the vaccination made their skin magnetic. What in the actual hell."

MonParapluie

Everybody thought they were about to become a member of the X-Men with the Covid vaccines.

Still waiting on that proof.

Celebrity

"People waiting in Dealey Plaza for JFK Jr. to show up."

ggrandmaleo

"That's the first thing that popped into my mind. and they stayed there for days, didn't they? someone was interviewing people in the crowd and lots of people seemed to think other celebrities were also coming back/out of hiding. Someone was looking forward to seeing Robin Williams."

chrisgee

"You could simply declare the entire MAGA and QAnon movements to be mass stupidity and you'd not be wrong. Propaganda is a helluva drug and under-education is real. Fear and prejudice go hand-in-hand with under-education."

NbleSavage

Schemes

"Anyone who keeps getting involved in Ponzi or MLM schemes."

"For decades the public has been warned on what to watch out for to avoid these schemes, you would assume that the vast majority of people would have learned by now that these schemes are fraudulent and just can't work out. Yet somehow here we are with thousands of these companies still up and running and thriving and even more people being taken advantage of by them."

TheSameButBetter

Open Up

"My local park's playground has a push gate."

"Every time I watch grown adults stare at it for like 20 seconds then go 'I think it's locked is there another one?'"

"To which I walk up and... Push the gate open."

"What annoys me about this is they want to catch an attitude like I'm an a-hole for it."

3ao7ssv8

Challenges

ice bucket challenge news GIFGiphy

"Those public challenges that CLEARLY risk health, i.e., 'the tide pod challenge.' Next time, just let things sort themselves out on their own. We can use fewer idiots in the world."

"The ice bucket challenge was at least kind of cute and DID give ALS a lot of media attention/awareness and raised a lot of money."

LadyVaresa

I liked doing my ice bucket challenge.

Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comment below.

movie set
Chris Murray on Unsplash

Easter eggs, bloopers, trivia, behind the scenes anecdotes... cinephiles live collecting them and sharing their knowledge with others.

Some trivia is well known—like Eric Stoltz was replaced by Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future. Other tidbits are more obscure, like Arnold Schwarzenegger was first considered for the Michael Biehn role of Kyle Reese in The Terminator.

Some stories are conspiracy theories or urban legends—like the body in the forest on The Wizard of Oz set.

But what about just film facts? The obscure ones?

Keep reading...Show less