Most of us try pretty hard to make the smart choices in life, but every once in a while our brains let us down, sometimes quite spectacularly.
Reddit user u/ColoTinMan asked:
One time I was out in the rain and I was really cold and my fingers were icy, but my feet were warm in their socks. I said, with so much confidence, "Man I really wish they made socks for your hands."
The look on my friends face was priceless. "Do you mean, gloves?" I was astonished.
I walked around my apartment talking to my mom on the phone and continued getting more and more frustrated. My mom noticed and asked what was wrong and I said "I just can't seem to find my phone!".
It kicked in about 5 seconds later.
The first time my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. I grew up on the U.S. / Mexico border so I'm used to the word "con" being "with" in food. Chile con carne, arroz con pollo...you get the drift.Husband takes me to a fancy restaurant when we're still dating (and I'm poor AF so prior to this for me fancy was Olive Garden). I pick something out for dinner and he says "Do you want an appetizer?" I said "I don't care, you pick one I've got to run to the restroom."
I come back and sit down and he says, "I ordered the duck con feet pastry appetizer."
All I can picture is the end of A Christmas Story with the goose with its head still on being served at dinner. I'm kind of horrified but don't say anything. But I'm expecting us to be handed a duck with the feet still attached.So the appetizer comes and it's these little pastry cups with cubes of (I presume) chopped up duck inside and I look at him and say, "So are the feet in there too?"
Yeeeeeah....It's duck confit. Not duck con feet. And I'm never living that down.
I legitimately forgot the word "piano" a few years ago.
I was trying to describe a situation to someone, and I blanked. I tried to remember, but I kept saying "panio" instead. They corrected me and it all just fell into place in my head.
Weirdest sensation of my life, I don't know how to describe it. Felt hella dumb afterwards.
that one time i bit my phone and tapped my toast.
I am old as you will see. When we first got personal computers in the Accounting Department, we had 100 employees and only 3 personal computers to share. Since we were all new to personal computers, we weren't so careful about backups yet.
I was re-formatting diskette. I used the DOS command "DEL star.star" I was on the C: Drive. I erased the work of hundreds of files from dozens of people, none of whom had backed up. Worst day ever.
I once cracked an egg and poured it on the counter, the bowl was right there
I got in my car after class one day and there was a note that said "you left your keys in car, and car on. Please be careful"
Luckily they turned it off for me and left the keys on the seat
I once was cooking mac and cheese and started squeezing the cheese sauce in before draining the water. When I realized the mistake I grabbed the cheese sauce with my hands and that just made everything worse in every way
I live in a big city and used to own a car (have since sold it) and one night a friend was getting married pretty close to my apartment. There was a small pre-game going on on the other side of the city so I drove down to meet up with everyone and was going to just drive back to my place with everyone in my car, park it back at my apartment, then we'd all just walk down to the ceremony together.
We ended up running a bit late and there were more people than could fit in my car so we just grabbed an Uber so we wouldn't have to wait for parking. I left my car by my friends house in 2 hour parking but that ended like 30 minutes after I parked and didn't apply on Sunday, which was the next day.
Fast forward to 2 weeks later, since I usually walk to work and never had to use my car, I usually needed a minute to remember where it was parked when I needed it. After looking for it for around 5 minutes it hit me.
Conclusion, and TLDR: I left my car in TWO HOUR PARKING TWO WEEKS AGO.
I live in Florida. During the 2004 hurricanes we lost power, so all the neighbors got together for a little cookout, so we could share and cook the food so it didn't go to waste.
It was starting to get dark, so I pointedly asked why no one had turned on the porch light. Every single one of them looked at me as if I were stupid. Then it hit me, oh, there's a reason why we can't turn on the porch light.
During the holidays I walked through an arts & crafts store trying to find something very specific. After finding out they didn't have it I got in a long line to check out. It didn't hit me that I didn't have anything to buy until it was my turn. I just walked past the cashier, waved, and said, "have a nice day". It was night. FML
I brewed an entire pot of hot coffee. Without the coffee pot. Took a long time to clean up that mess. I needed caffeine badly, so I brewed another pot. Again, I forgot to put the damn coffee pot under the drip.
In high school, I woke up on a day where very icy weather was expected and couldn't find school closings on tv. I begrudgingly got ready for school, stepped out my front door, and immediately slipped on ice landing flat on my back. Got up, shook it off, and cursed the school for not being closed.
I had to crawl my way up a hill to the bus stop because I kept slipping down ice on the way there. Got to the bus stop and waited over half an hour for it to get there. Checked my watch repeatedly getting more and more angry each time. Finally decide that they must have cancelled school and slowly make it back home. Where I see a clock. It was now 2:30 am.
Checked. My. Watch. Repeatedly.
I uninstalled wireless drivers on a computer I was working on remotely.
huh it just went offline... Wait sh*t I'm an idiot.
I recently went to pick up an order of glasses. The optician asked me to try them on, to see if they fit well.
I told him this must be someone else's order, because everything was blurry!! He was surprised and started hunting through boxes, and I kept squinting and looking around at blurry shapes. We did this for 10 minutes before the optometrist walked in. He explained the issue and the optometrist paused and asked where I put the glasses I was wearing when I walked in. I said I was wearing contacts.
I was wearing contacts.
And I put the new glasses over my contacts.
I asked the optometrist if this gave me double the perfect vision and she replied, "if you mean double vision, sure."
Birthday is March 12th.
In high school I saw that my birthday was going to fall on a Thursday. So I was like "oh wow, Thursday the 12th"
I proceeded to scan the next couple of decades on my iPod touch calendar to find out if my birthday would ever fall on Friday the 13th
To those curious, no, my March 12th bday doesn't ever fall on Friday the 13th lol
Not my proudest moments, not my worst :)
One time I pulled over because I was in a panic. Because I couldn't find my car keys.
In school one day my friend had a pen that lit up when you pressed it to paper or if you flicked a switch on the pen the lights would flash. He kept turning it on and waving it at me. This annoyed me so I took the batteries out in front of him. He stared at me for a second before trying to get the batteries back. In the midst of the struggle I decided the best way to stop him from getting them, so I popped them in my mouth, then proceeded to swallow them. My friend returned to staring at me, but with a panicked look on his face. I didn't think anything of it at first, but eventually I realised that I shouldn't have done that. I started feeling weird. I held my hand up and asked my teacher if I could go to the nurses office. Sceptical, she asked me why. I told her I had just eaten three small batteries and was feeling weird.
She stared in disbelief, I think, for a second, then told the class that she'll return in a moment and immediately seized my hand and practically dragged me along, sprinting to the nurses office. She threw me into the nurses office and screamed "he's f**king swallowed batteries!" The nurse jumped up out of her chair, "oh my god, oh sh*t, I'll ring the NHS and find out what we need to do", I immediately felt like the stupidest idiot alive, I asked if I was going to be okay, my teacher looked at me and smiled the fakest smile I've ever seen in my life, "of course you are boy".
Long story short, I had to be taken to A&E and had to be x-ray'd to see where the batteries were. They had reached my stomach, so I was at risk of the stomach acid melting the metal coating and the battery acid entering my stomach. I was given laxatives and a sieve, and kept overnight, of which I spent 75% of this sifting through my sludgy bowel movements like some crazed Wild West miner scouring for gold. Eventually found them and I've lived happily ever after since, thankfully.
I wish I still had them, a trophy, of the stupidest I've ever been.