Life and people are full of crap. Well everyone isn't full of it but, there is plenty of manure being vocally spewed out there. It's amazing what lies people will try to sell to anyone who will listen.

Redditor u/limitkikaruti wanted to know who has the best radar for sifting through crap by asking.... What is the biggest load of bullshit you have ever been told?

"I'm in a serious relationship WITH YOUR EX."


Ex boyfriend started flirting hard with me via Facebook, we weren't friends there. Saying he missed me, he wanted us to again watch movies, snuggle, and to have sex with me. So I looked up his profile, there was this photo of a girl by a window. I looked up her profile and sure enough "I'm in a serious relationship WITH YOUR EX."

I asked him if he was in a relationship, he said he wasn't. I sent him a print of her profile, he stood his ground, said I was really crazy and was seeing things. I asked again, he said "ooh, the relationship stuff?? This girl is crazy and obsessed with me." I said "you have one more chance. Stop lying" to which, I kid you not, he said "That was the problem with you!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. YOU DON'T TRUST ME. I LOVED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE EVER WILL AND YOU NEVER TRUSTED ME".

So I took print screens of the entire conversation and sent it to his girlfriend.

She thanked me. I gave her the perfect reason to break up with him.

TLDR: Ex boyfriend was flirting with me, denying having a girlfriend even after I sent prints of her Facebook page with the relationship status. Tried to convince me I was crazy and hallucinating. I told her.


​"What your mother did wasn't that bad."

"What your mother did wasn't that bad"

Bunch of darn crap sister was diagnosed with ptsd for what she did to us and we were both in therapy for a long time, I'm planning on going back to therapy once I can afford to.


"Someone hacked my bank account."

Gave my dad $500 to buy me a computer part with his credit card.

"Someone hacked my bank account."



That I am a newer soul, which had reincarnated just a handful of times, but that I was also such a bright soul, I was already level 9 and progressing so fast I was like one or two reincarnations away from full illumination. Then she came on to me. I was 21, she was late fifties-early sixties. Nnnnnope.


Oh Mom.


"Computer gives you autism." Yeah my mom definitively ain't Einstein.


You should check if you're vaccinated.


Family First. 

Family is the most important thing of all. They'll always be there for you! Little me was so naive when she came out.


I hear ya... took years to fully pull myself back together again.


God Bless....

"If only you were religious, your depression could have been treated easily" -my psychologist to me.


My roommate who is depressed and is studying a psychology told me the same thing. She said that with being religious, getting better would be much much easier for her.


Thanks Dad?


"You just have the classic autistic eyes. Every autistic person has them!" My dad said to me when literally nobody else had same eye shape as me besides one of the teachers. I honestly don't know if it was meant to sound as an insult but it definitely did sound like an insult to me.


God is that Guy. 

I hate to be that guy, but "the church you happened to be raised in is the only true church in all the world!"


Still better than my FIL. To him no church is the true church, he is the only one who knows God's true will and understands the Bible fully. The other sixty gazillion Christians in the world have it all wrong and are going to hell, while he's set for heaven because he's got a straight line to God.

Seriously, the guy would totally be a cult leader like David Koresh or Jim Jones if he was actually charismatic and not a complete narcissistic fool.



Grownups know what they're doing.


I've come to the conclusion that being a grown up is acting like you have any idea what you're doing, when in reality, you're just making informed decisions and hoping it doesn't blow up in your face. Hiazi

Go figure.


I went to a preppy boarding school. They constantly harped on how every student was held to the same standards of honor and discipline. After 4 years there, I noticed that somehow the kids with their last names on buildings just couldn't seem to get in any trouble, regardless of constant violations. Go figure.


 "Oxygenated Water" 

Oxygenated water. That is, bottled water that has extra dissolved oxygen in it, for athletic-type things. Because we breathe oxygen, and more oxygen must be good for you right? Except two things-

1- You don't have lungs in your stomach.

2- The "Oxygenated Water" is just regular old water.


My mom says....

My mom telling me she never drank or smoked weed as a teenager and was a virgin until she was 28. My dad had a field day dismantling those statements.


My dad, to his credit, was honest with me. "Yeah, I used to smoke when I was your age. And I spent the next fifteen years trying to quit. It sucked."

This was probably the perfect response.


What days are you available? 

Retail job last year.

"What days are you available? We'll make your shifts work for you".

They proceeded to call me while I was on the way to the cemetery to inter my father's ashes and demand to know where I was, as if I hadn't told them about this weeks ago during my interview.

Three months of similar bs later and I quit. Didn't even bother to hand in a notice, just called them and told them I wasn't coming in again. Forget retail.


Lava Days....


Being told that I need to buy Volcano insurance when I live in Iowa.



Not the biggest bs I've ever been told but I started working at a new place recently and everyone hates this 25 year old kid and I didn't understand why. I'd spoke to him a few times, seen him speak to others and he seemed fine. Then they said "He's a compulsive liar, he'll tell you he's a nascar driver, wins drift competitions on the weekend etc".

So I'm like okay. Anyway one of the first times we met he told me about his Japanese girlfriend. Couple of days later he was talking to one of the co-workers about how his relationship ended because she had to go back to China. I said "Isn't she Japanese though?" and he just walked off.


​'If you are honest then everything will be alright.'

'If you are honest then everything will be alright.'


Actually heard that from an IRS guy during an audit. The strange thing was, it was true. Guy just wanted to collect what was owed without penalty to get past the audit.



"You're cheating on me!" She was the one that was cheating.


"A thief believes that every man steals" is the expression we use for that in Danish.


Yes Girl!


Lad from school insisted he'd been on a trip to Benidorm, during which he'd shagged 10 birds, got a cocaine and alcohol addiction and skinny dipped with Rihanna.

He was 14.



Brooke Cagle/Unsplash

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