Life and people are full of crap. Well everyone isn't full of it but, there is plenty of manure being vocally spewed out there. It's amazing what lies people will try to sell to anyone who will listen.
Redditor u/limitkikaruti wanted to know who has the best radar for sifting through crap by asking.... What is the biggest load of bullshit you have ever been told?
"I'm in a serious relationship WITH YOUR EX."
Giphy
Ex boyfriend started flirting hard with me via Facebook, we weren't friends there. Saying he missed me, he wanted us to again watch movies, snuggle, and to have sex with me. So I looked up his profile, there was this photo of a girl by a window. I looked up her profile and sure enough "I'm in a serious relationship WITH YOUR EX."
I asked him if he was in a relationship, he said he wasn't. I sent him a print of her profile, he stood his ground, said I was really crazy and was seeing things. I asked again, he said "ooh, the relationship stuff?? This girl is crazy and obsessed with me." I said "you have one more chance. Stop lying" to which, I kid you not, he said "That was the problem with you!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. YOU DON'T TRUST ME. I LOVED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE EVER WILL AND YOU NEVER TRUSTED ME".
So I took print screens of the entire conversation and sent it to his girlfriend.
She thanked me. I gave her the perfect reason to break up with him.
TLDR: Ex boyfriend was flirting with me, denying having a girlfriend even after I sent prints of her Facebook page with the relationship status. Tried to convince me I was crazy and hallucinating. I told her.
cupcakelimao
​"What your mother did wasn't that bad."
"What your mother did wasn't that bad"
Bunch of darn crap sister was diagnosed with ptsd for what she did to us and we were both in therapy for a long time, I'm planning on going back to therapy once I can afford to.
Melgitat_Shujaa
"Someone hacked my bank account."
Gave my dad $500 to buy me a computer part with his credit card.
"Someone hacked my bank account."
FistingUrDad
Nnnnnope.
That I am a newer soul, which had reincarnated just a handful of times, but that I was also such a bright soul, I was already level 9 and progressing so fast I was like one or two reincarnations away from full illumination. Then she came on to me. I was 21, she was late fifties-early sixties. Nnnnnope.
Brad_Brace
Oh Mom.
Giphy
"Computer gives you autism." Yeah my mom definitively ain't Einstein.
You should check if you're vaccinated.
UnholyBeefcake
Family First.Â
Family is the most important thing of all. They'll always be there for you! Little me was so naive when she came out.
Black_Bud
I hear ya... took years to fully pull myself back together again.
0dd_bitty
God Bless....
"If only you were religious, your depression could have been treated easily" -my psychologist to me.
_chameleon____
My roommate who is depressed and is studying a psychology told me the same thing. She said that with being religious, getting better would be much much easier for her.
elephteri_a
Thanks Dad?
Giphy
"You just have the classic autistic eyes. Every autistic person has them!" My dad said to me when literally nobody else had same eye shape as me besides one of the teachers. I honestly don't know if it was meant to sound as an insult but it definitely did sound like an insult to me.
SwedishArtist
God is that Guy.Â
I hate to be that guy, but "the church you happened to be raised in is the only true church in all the world!"
Batman__10
Still better than my FIL. To him no church is the true church, he is the only one who knows God's true will and understands the Bible fully. The other sixty gazillion Christians in the world have it all wrong and are going to hell, while he's set for heaven because he's got a straight line to God.
Seriously, the guy would totally be a cult leader like David Koresh or Jim Jones if he was actually charismatic and not a complete narcissistic fool.
626c6f775f6d65
Adulting.Â
Grownups know what they're doing.
MCcereal
I've come to the conclusion that being a grown up is acting like you have any idea what you're doing, when in reality, you're just making informed decisions and hoping it doesn't blow up in your face. Hiazi
Go figure.
Giphy
I went to a preppy boarding school. They constantly harped on how every student was held to the same standards of honor and discipline. After 4 years there, I noticed that somehow the kids with their last names on buildings just couldn't seem to get in any trouble, regardless of constant violations. Go figure.
hockeyjoker
 "Oxygenated Water"Â
Oxygenated water. That is, bottled water that has extra dissolved oxygen in it, for athletic-type things. Because we breathe oxygen, and more oxygen must be good for you right? Except two things-
1- You don't have lungs in your stomach.
2- The "Oxygenated Water" is just regular old water.
Being_grateful
My mom says....
My mom telling me she never drank or smoked weed as a teenager and was a virgin until she was 28. My dad had a field day dismantling those statements.
MommySaysBadWords
My dad, to his credit, was honest with me. "Yeah, I used to smoke when I was your age. And I spent the next fifteen years trying to quit. It sucked."
This was probably the perfect response.
MommySaysBadWords
What days are you available?Â
Retail job last year.
"What days are you available? We'll make your shifts work for you".
They proceeded to call me while I was on the way to the cemetery to inter my father's ashes and demand to know where I was, as if I hadn't told them about this weeks ago during my interview.
Three months of similar bs later and I quit. Didn't even bother to hand in a notice, just called them and told them I wasn't coming in again. Forget retail.
Kaldus
Lava Days....
Giphy
Being told that I need to buy Volcano insurance when I live in Iowa.
Swandeath21
LiARS....
Not the biggest bs I've ever been told but I started working at a new place recently and everyone hates this 25 year old kid and I didn't understand why. I'd spoke to him a few times, seen him speak to others and he seemed fine. Then they said "He's a compulsive liar, he'll tell you he's a nascar driver, wins drift competitions on the weekend etc".
So I'm like okay. Anyway one of the first times we met he told me about his Japanese girlfriend. Couple of days later he was talking to one of the co-workers about how his relationship ended because she had to go back to China. I said "Isn't she Japanese though?" and he just walked off.
_Oliveoyl
​'If you are honest then everything will be alright.'
'If you are honest then everything will be alright.'
kimbypossible
Actually heard that from an IRS guy during an audit. The strange thing was, it was true. Guy just wanted to collect what was owed without penalty to get past the audit.
4ccount4n7
CHEAT!Â
"You're cheating on me!" She was the one that was cheating.
satansniper
"A thief believes that every man steals" is the expression we use for that in Danish.
kaaz54
Yes Girl!
Giphy
Lad from school insisted he'd been on a trip to Benidorm, during which he'd shagged 10 birds, got a cocaine and alcohol addiction and skinny dipped with Rihanna.
He was 14.
blestbee
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
Away Messages
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"
GiphyThe Unknown
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."
GiphyThe Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."
GiphyFiguring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."
GiphyEndless Learning
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"
GiphyMaking Friends
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."
GiphyA Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
- tsoldrin
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
- dramboxf
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."
GiphyGo Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
- dienices
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."
GiphyIt Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."
GiphyWe Used To Love Yahoo
"Yahoo Answers"
"Yahoo Pool"
- inaclick
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."
GiphyOn a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
GiphyThe video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
Partner Preference
Giphy"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
Herding Cats
Giphy"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
Wretched Existence
Giphy"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
One Hour
Giphy"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" Exercise
Giphy"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
Vicious Predators
Giphy"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic Princess
Giphy"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
Shoe-nanigans
Giphy"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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