Those of us with bad parents undoubtedly inherited some toxic personality traits and the habits that come with those traits can take years to unlearn. But guess what? Even those of us with good parents also have these issues: Parents aren't perfect. That's why therapy is so important and should be available to everyone.
If you find you're displaying toxic behavior, it's crucial to take a step back and reflect. Seek therapy. Find a support system. Take responsibility. It's not easy.
After Redditor Marina_Ibrahim asked the online community, "What toxic trait have you inherited from your parents?" people shared their experiences.
"I hate when people tell me..."
The need to be right all the time. I hate when people tell me I'm wrong or try to act like they know more than I do when they already stated they don't know much about the topic. My dad is the exact same way.
"My mom always assumed..."
Obsessive and irrational worry. My mom always assumed the absolute worst. I spent many nights as a teen calling emergency rooms with my mom because she was convinced that my sister hadn't checked in because she was in a horrific car accident. She also refused to buy me SpongeBob day of the week underwear because she knew I wasn't coordinated enough to wear them on the right days and didn't want the paramedics to think I was dirty because I was wearing Tuesday on a Friday. ETA: It definitely was not a matter of money or being a prude.
"It used to be..."
Intimacy issues. It used to be extremely hard for me to be emotionally/physically vulnerable with someone I had feelings for. They were the type of parents who never fought but showed zero affection and were basically glorified roommates with separate lives for 20 years.
"Like my mom..."
Like my mom, I have a habit of not standing up for myself in fear of making someone upset. I will let people walk all over me because, in my brain, it's better than making someone feel bad. Not a fan of confrontation. At all.
"I usually catch myself..."
Yelling loudly because being loudest = being right for some reason. I usually catch myself and apologize and try explain in a calmer way why I'm upset/angry.
"Yet when I ask her..."
My mom is the kind of person to yell at me to take the garbage out this instant, nothing else matters nearly as much as me taking the garbage out.
Yet when I ask her to do something, it always is days before it's done. I'll ask her to do something simple, like grab some important paperwork for me from our office since she's the one who organizes it, and I'll have to ask her again to grab it right as I need it instead of having it ready beforehand.
"My mom took care of my grandparents..."
Being grumpy. My mom took care of my grandparents since she divorced years ago. My grandparents are the most annoying, infuriating, disrespectful, gossiping, boneheaded people around. The most basic question you can ask them shall be answered with some grumpy or ill-intended response. You never know if they are happy or not because they are always whining, criticizing others, or in my grandmother's case, revising domestic history, lying, and praising her "outstanding job" as a mother and grandmother. They are so irritating that the sound of their voices annoys you and sour everything around you. You'll end up bitter, grumpy, and pissed-off.
"Instead of apologising..."
Not acknowledging when I'm wrong or have done something wrong. Instead of apologising and trying not to do it again I get angry and defensive instead causing everything to spiral downhill.
It's a horrible trait to try and change.
"My speech and tone..."
Arrogant like my father, i have the tendency to talk down to others. I don't mean to either, I've been working on this for a while and my wife points it out to me. My speech and tone come off really insulting, it's how my father spoke growing up and currently does still. It comes off most when i have experience/knowledge that others don't, I'm also more confident in myself which comes off badly. Some of these are desirable traits to me but it depends on how they come off.
"Because of this..."
Holding onto old emotional baggage (some of it even decades old) and using it as ammunition in a fight, years later.
My mother perfected this strategy, force-feeding me guilt and shame for destroying her vagina when she gave birth to me, every chance she could. And that's the lightest 'transgression' I've done against her...
Because of this, I can hold a grudge like a Westerosi nobleman; I will never forget the time you wronged or slighted me in the past, and will bide my time for petty and often spiteful vengeance.
Also because of this, I struggle to form/maintain long-term friendships with others, obsessing over the past so much that I'm barely living in the present.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.