Anyone ever just think...for fun....where you might store the body if someone HAPPENED to push you over the edge?
....No? Nobody? Just us?
Haha. We were just kidding...
Here were some of those answers.
Make a 6ft deep hole, bury the body, place 4ft of dirt on it. Take a big dead animal, put it in the hole. Cover it up with 2 ft
Someone's Been Watching 'Dexter'
Ok, so what you do first is you hang the body upside down in your shower/bathtub/whatever you have for easy liquid cleanup. You make two cuts deep into the armpits, and work the arms like pumps. That'll get most of the blood out of the body, and make it a little cleaner to move around. Next what you do is take a hacksaw or other tool you can discreetly use to dismember the body. Work at the major joints: they're easiest to separate from the body, and spare you the issue of breaking bones. That's not your job. Your next job, is to triple-bag each of the body parts you separate in a black garbage bag. Super thick, make it hard to really discern what's there. Divide into thirty-pound bags, anything much above that gets really suspicious.
Once the body's nicely prepared to be dispersed, you have a few options. Option one: pigs. They will go through bone like BUTTER. They also won't have any qualms about eating human flesh. Option two: burial. Bury depending on how many scavengers are about. If you live in an urban neighborhood, don't even bother. If you live in a rural neighborhood, bury shallow but with at least a mile's gap between parts. Or just find a pigpen, seriously.
Option three: gardening. You take the body parts and you mince it all real good. Like, run the whole concoction through a woodchipper. Bonus points if you actually make woodchips out of it. Bury underneath garden, a thin layer across your whole thing and congratulations, your garden blooms! Option four: water. Take the body parts, stuff it in a cooler. Get a boat, go fishing a good distance offshore with nobody about. Dump the limbs a fair distance from each other. Bonus points for tying them to dumbbells or cinder blocks so they never surface. The fish will take them.
Hopefully, after all that, the body stays hidden!
How Does Everyone Have These Tricks?
Here is a trick to assure the body stays hidden.
Put the body in a temporary place. Then put in an anonymous tip that it is buried in a specific place. Maybe next to a big tree. Then, they will go there, dig up the spot, see it is not there, leave, then you bury the body there. The freshly dug dirt would make sense, and police will not look there because they just did.
This Sounds Familiar
Under the floorboards, but lo, they can hear the telltale heart! Oh God! what could I do? I foamed—I raved—I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. It grew louder—louder—louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God!—no, no! They heard!—they suspected!—they knew!—they were making a mockery of my horror!-this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! and now—again!—hark! louder! louder! louder! louder!
Meth Is Always A Good Cover
Find a local meth house and drop the body off there. A.they are not going to report a body found in their meth lab. B. Drug dealers know how to hide a body better than you. C. If cops do discover the body they would assume the drug dealers instead of you.
And I Oop
I'm a bit concerned about this question considering our current quarantine, I suspect in addition to an increase in babies and divorces there will be a rather high number of hidden bodies.
This Is A Different Take On Breakfast At Tiffany's
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the body.
Again, Why Do People Know This??
If you live near a forest full of bears just go there drop the body off a cliff or something and from there on the bears will handle it. But you might want to watch out for cops on your way to the forest.
First, you clear up any evidence of you being there. Then you cover up as much as possible to avoid any of your DNA getting on the body so the police can't link you to it. Then you find a really remote location that has as little people there as possible. Dig a deep hole, then wrap the body in something so you can't see it then put the body in the hole. Cover up the body with dirt and try make it look like nothing ever happened.
A Little Levity
Whose body? Your body? My body? The body slowly decomposing in my garage? On all three accounts, probably de-fleshed and in my closet. The skeletons in there are getting lonely :(
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.