When one is soiled, one is soiled and when you're soiled you gotta get that butt clean. Whether you have a sink nearby or a toilet at Port Authority (pray it's never the latter) wash up whenever you can. The air we breathe is warped with soot and filth so if any other bacteria attaches to you, wash it away. Now the process in which you choose to do this may not be the most, by definition, "hygienic" choice... do what you gotta do.
Redditor u/achrist2914 wanted some people to admit what they had to when they were desperate to be clean by asking.... What is the most unhygienic thing you have done?
get the hose....
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I jumped into what was essentially sewer runoff, chest high swirling river of poop, to pull out a four year old boy who had fallen in.
It was in Mexico and next to the site I was working. Kid just fell in and I jumped in after him since the sewage was over his head. Managed to cut my leg open too, so I had to go to the hospital and get a tetanus shot.
Kid was fine, pulled him out, mom hosed him off and sent him back to playing.
When the puss is running...Â
I once examined a patient's leg wound without gloves on; looking for fluctuant areas that might indicate an abscess. Bad idea. Next thing my finger pierces the skin (thinned from necrosis and under tension from the pus) and was actually gliding up under the skin. In the split second it took me to realize this an inordinate amount of puss came streaming out onto my hand and arm. Took several minutes to compose myself afterwards. Very nearly wretched a number of times. I'm also pretty sure I finished an entire bottle of hibiscrub washing my hands repeatedly.
The Spittoon.Â
As a kid. Don't know why I took a swig from a random soda can left at the sink in a public laundry mat. Turns out it had been used as an ash tray and possibly dip spittoon.
To the Dumpster.Â
Once when my roommate was using the bathroom and I needed to poop *right away* and I didn't want to deal with her bull trying to convince her I needed to use the bathroom worse than her I went into the kitchen and ripped 4 sheets of paper towel off the roll, went to my room and closed the door, folded the paper towels to in a double layer, and took a poop on the paper towel. Miraculously, it all landed perfectly on the paper towel and I was able to fold it up and put it in a plastic grocery bag and tie it off like a gigantic dog poop and take it out to throw away in the dumpster outside.
Damn Junior Mints.
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9 years old, Dropped a milk dud in the movie theatre so pushed my hand the seats to find it. Found it proceeded to eat it and it was a damn junior mint.
Scars me to this day.
boys & their M & M's....
I was in Boy Scouts when I was a teenager. We were on a week long backpacking trip. As teens do... We started making stupid bets/dares.
One was, "Who can do the grossest thing to an M&M and then eat it?"
I took off the boots I had been hiking in. Took off my funky sock (soaked in swamp water). Wrung it out on a few M&Ms in my hand. And ate the handful of M&Ms and whatever puddle of swamp water was in my palm.
Out with the Cow.Â
While doing a rectal exam to make a pregnancy diagnosis in cow, it managed to poo directly into my open mouth.
Salmonella & Snot...
Not me, but a buddy of mine was in a fight with his GF, she was saying he always under cooks the chicken, and she's going to get salmonella. So he takes a raw drumstick and slurps the meat off the bone out of spite.
It made me shiver in a way that I've only done after reading a story on reddit about a mother using her mouth to suck snot from a baby's nose.
Slumped over the toilet...
College: I was drunk and high and all those things and decided my hands didn't work.
Our dorms had a shared bathroom and I was in the stalls, hoping to puke in the toilet. I thought "man it would be rude of me to puke all over the seat, I better put it up just in case"
Since my hands didn't work, I grabbed the seat with my teeth and put it up.
Never puked though.
Edit: Kind of embarrassed this got so visible. Thanks for the gold and silver. To answer the most frequently asked question, I was really messed up, sitting on the floor, slumped over the toilet. Standing up and using my feet didn't seem like a viable option at the time. Don't do drugs kids.
Litterer....
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When I was a toddler, I crawled into the cat box and started playing in the "sand." Mom of course had to get pictures before stopping her kid from playing with cat poop.
Love is crazy. I've finally come to that conclusion. And marriage, you take your life in your hands and just throw caution to the wind in hopes of survival with that step.
When love falls apart, things can get real messy, real fast. And I've always been stunned by people's behavior when love subsides.
More often than not, it's like they become different people. Sometimes people are beset by tragedy and grief and sometimes people smile wide and move on. It's a coin toss.
But my favorite post divorce personality has to be the sudden super villain. Oh honey watch out for them!
Redditor u/hyperyog wanted to hear all the tea from the divorcees out there by asking:
Divorced Redditors, what is the craziest thing you or your former spouse did after divorce?
I once had a friend who burned her ex's house down when he wasn't home. He had started seeing someone almost immediately, so she thought, lemme set their sparks. Yeah, she wasn't well. Whatever happened to just a quick goodbye?
Swiped
dean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy"She removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. First storm after I got my car back from her, driver side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times."
Sicko!
"He wrote suicide notes and put them in my kids backpacks for them/me to find. Then he turned off his phone and went to a coworkers house to play crib and have drinks.. all the while knowing I would be freaking out searching for him thinking he was in danger or worse. Thankfully my kids didn't see the notes and didn't know what was going on. This was just one of the many, many crazy things he did. Two years out and he just recently stopped showing up at my work and driving by my house at night."
A Sad End
"Died of a drug overdose. To be fair, her drug addiction was the reason for the divorce, so maybe that isn't too crazy."
"That's so incredibly difficult to have gone through. I unfortunately know the depths of this kind of pain, and while I'm sure the circumstances surrounding it are different, the loss that still happened is a tragedy. My condolences."
Bye Girl
"Stalked me for 5 years. Would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me (which I would block endlessly) and would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. This lady cheated on me with 7 different men 2 months after we were married. I kicked her a** to the curb and made her sign the court papers."
"When we had our day in court she cried in the judges office while I just wanted to get this crap done. After, my dad was with me and he threw 50 dollars at her and told her to "change your freaking last name." Good guy Pops. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 5 years, thank goodness."
- Letharos
Take it All!
skin care spinning GIF by Primal Life OrganicsGiphy"I had an ex-boyfriend go through my apartment and take back every gift he had given me that he could find. Then he went in my bedside table and took the condoms. And the vibrator he had given me."
See now, when I'm out... I'm out! I don't want to see you, hear from you or know you. I wish you well in life, but please live it far from me. Anyone agree? Clearly not the people here. Let's continue...
For the Boy
bicycling father and son GIF by NETFLIXGiphy"All I wanted was custody of my son, I gave her everything else except one of our cars. She fought me through 5 hearings, I won. She never came to see him again."
Dangerous Woman
"My ex cheated on me the week my mom died in the hospital. She spent a year and a half trying to get in touch with me. She would call my old work and make fake accounts trying to message me on FB. It was insane. She later sends a certified letter explaining she was sorry that she did what she did and that she aborted our child."
"Wanted me to meet her somewhere so she could apologize face to face. She already married some other guy that she had children with and was still trying to get in touch with me. I never understood her."
- orstius
Be Gone
"After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life's dream was to be a stay at home mom, she got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her, she always wanted something (car, house, dog, cat, marriage, etc) and the second she got it she immediately hated it."
The "Actor"!
"Called me and pretended he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his "body." God-awful acting, but pretty funny listening to him try to mimic a woman's voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess."
"I think he was trying to get me to re-live my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually HAD been hit by a car while we were talking. Too bad he didn't realize that hearing the real thing is worlds different than hearing a dumba** try to act it out."
Money Blues
"I was sending 600 dollars a month to support my daughter because she's the only thing I give a sh!t about. My ex texts me and tells me I need to be sending 1200 a month because she's broke and can't pay her bills and I should feel guilty about it. She left me for another guy while I was on deployment I told her to go screw herself--call my lawyer."
Pop Off
Tom Hanks Drinking GIF by The Good FilmsGiphy"Took the sodas from the fridge as he walked out the door. Dumfounded."
See, I blame Alanis Morissette and her "Jagged Little Pill" album. All I'm going to say is... the secret song. I think she gave people ideas. (I love that song) Y'all, seek therapy if you can't shake people. When it's done, let it be done.
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