Neil Sadaka once said that breaking up was hard to do, but he never mentioned the tougher challenge of getting over heartbreak.
When a relationship comes to a screeching halt due to infidelity or irreconcilable differences, how does one cope with the aftermath?
Being consoled by a best friend or getting medicated with a bottle of wine only temporarily dulls the pain, but are those enough when moving on is a one-sided dilemma?
Seeking advice from amateur relationship advice experts, Redditor strawberryshortbleep asked:
"How did you move on from your ex?"
Focus On You
Taking care of yourself is essential, because no one is more important than you in times of romantic despair.
Nurture Thyself
"Your self worth has to come from within. If you don't find happiness alone you'll never have it with another person. So the first thing you've got to do is convince yourself that you matter for you."
Steps Toward Recovery
"I have 5 rules:"
- Don't be angry, it just makes you bitter and no one has ever changed their outlook because someone was angry at them - humans just push back harder.
- Don't ask for explanations - they'll never be good enough. Only one person needs a reason — however weak — to not be in a relationship, otherwise it's a kidnap situation.
- Maintain your dignity, dignity can't be taken, only given.
- Make plans - follow through, your friends are your best resource.
- Look after yourself - mind, body and soul.
"Remind yourself of these everyday and give it time."
Sweat It Out
"Ran 3 miles a day."
"Honestly, the thing that has always struck me with breakups is your time. All of a sudden your schedule is cleared and you dont know what to do with it. What used to be netflix and dinner every night becomes nothing. The cool restaurant you wanted to try vanishes. Post relationship boredom is real. And in that boredom, you start going down some dark paths that aren't so good for you."
"So I ran a lot. I dont even like running. But it killed about an hour and a half of my day if you include the shower and everything. And if you were exhausted by the end of the day, falling asleep was easier. And to be honest, that's a far better coping mechanism than ice cream or beer."
"As time passes you will heal. Or have scars from it. But regardless, you'll get over it one way or another."
Period Of Transition
"Lost a bunch of weight, and just enjoyed myself for awhile. Then I met my current girlfriend. Coming up on 4 years together."
New Friendships
"Once after a breakup I specifically befriended someone who was a social butterfly—instantly met lots of new people and went to new places."
Time
There is something to the adage that time heals all wounds. Well, most of them, anyway.
Worth The Wait
"Time, trust me. Used to think they were the love of my life, even tho they were my first relationship ever."
"Took long enough, I even loved them after I entered another relationship, but it went away."
"my SO knows about my feelings, it took a toll on us but we're doing fine almost 3 years in!"
"just be honest, whatever u doo."
Let It Run Its Course
"Time. Unfortunately, time is the only real solution. But there are some things you can focus on that can help."
"Pay attention to yourself and focus on all the positives of your new life without them. We tend to put our exes on a pedestal after a breakup, glorifying them and forgetting all the things about them/the relationship that used to drive us mad. Remember that there were times in your relationship that made you roll your eyes. Understand that there are positives that you can pick out, though it may not seem like it."
"Try to be social, whether that's with your friends, meeting new people, or (when you're ready) opening yourself up to meeting a new SO. It's easy to close yourself off to others after a rough breakup. You think there's nobody else that could ever compare to your ex. You just lost out on the love your life right? The truth is that there are so many wonderful people in this world, many that you are likely more compatible with than your ex as crazy as it may seem after a breakup. It's not fair to yourself if you don't allow yourself the possibility that there are other people out there that you can be happy with."
"The last and possibly most important thing is to really look at your time in the relationship and choose to accept the way things are. Accept who you are as a person and the relationship for what it was. Understand what you did to help with its demise. Understand that relationships are two way streets and that there are things you can do to be a better partner. This is easy to miss, but is ultimately imperative to the healing because if you choose to ignore this you'll be right back here again. You'll do stupid things. You'll reach out to your ex when you shouldn't. You'll stalk their social media and see things that will make you want to cry. You'll run into them in person with their new 'friend'. You'll hate and blame yourself every time. It's okay, we've all done something like this. This is normal. But dwelling on these things is what drives you insane. Understand when it's time to move on. Blocking/deleting them on social media or going no-contact in general can be very very helpful. Some people are able to remain friends with their exes but for most of us, this is sadly not a reality. Dwelling in the past and not allowing yourself to move on and heal and learn is only going to make things harder."
"It may not seem like it, but I promise there's light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully there's at least something in this post that you can resonate with. At the end of the day, just go back to living your life the best that you can and in time the universe will take care of the rest."
– Zaxl
OK To Cry
"Every day is a step forward, and every breakdown you have feels like a step back, but it's not. It's just another step in the process. If you gotta cry, cry. You're grieving a massive pillar in your life, it's ok to cry."
Giving In To Trust
"As I'm sure you know, the beginning is the hardest. It's the darkest part of the whole thing. You will have setbacks. There will be days that you can't take being without them. This is normal. It's okay to feel these feelings. But in doing so, it's also important to understand and accept the way things are. Life is a wild thing full of so many learning moments that you can carry with you to shape who you are. This is one of those moments. Trust in your ability to learn from this experience. Trust in time to heal the wounds. And trust in yourself to take back the person you were before the breakup.You can do it."
– Zaxl
"Time, trust me. Used to think they were the love of my life, even tho they were my first relationship ever."
"Took long enough, I even loved them after I entered another relationship, but it went away."
"my SO knows about my feelings, it took a toll on us but we're doing fine almost 3 years in!"
"just be honest, whatever u do"
Social Media And Smartphones
Replacing your device may help in forgetting about your ex, as suggested by these Redditors.
Go To Settings And...
"CHANGE YOUR NOTIFICATIONS TONE."
"Pavlovian responses are more powerful than you think."
Clean Slate
"Also if you're due for a phone upgrade or have the money to get a new one, do it. Try not to back up anything that reminds you of her. A clean phone slate will help out a lot."
Delete Delete Delete
"Delete her off social media, including pics, block, delete number. Crack on with life. No point wasting time, lifes way too short!"
Go Offline
"Just block, and get them off your social media.It is too easy to check on them to see what they are doing. To post things for their benefit. It just really prolongs the healing process and accepting it is over."
Erase, Delete, Block
- Cut off all contact. Delete pictures, contact details, block on social media, block common people between you and them, burn what you cant return/donate. Its sort of cathartic, but it gives you peace to let go.
- Pick up a physically taxing task for 45mins - 1 hr per day.
- Stay away from liquor deliberately if you feel you have high chances of being addictive.
- Sit with your emotions - feel overwhelmed and tears keep pooling in your eyes? - have a good cry. Feel angry? - write a letter you'll never post(good for burning too)
- On the occasions that you remember them suddenly- tell yourself you think of them neither positively nor negatively. If you force yourself to acknowledge their point of view or give them benefit of doubt of wish them well - it never works. The inner self is going to come out harder demanding the pain be acknowledged. If you give the thoughts a negative tone, you are going to end up bitter. When you give neither, over the period of time, you remember them less and less. And one fine day you wont think of them anymore.
"They will always have a place in your memory, but a very insignificant place. Will the scar be there? May be, may not be. But you will move on in the truest sense where their life events no longer evoke any emotion in you."
Moving on from an ex is difficult because you remember the parts of your relationship that brought you together in the first place.
But relationships evolve, and you can't help if a person does not want to grow with you.
Sometimes it's best to avoid contact with the one who broke your heart altogether. A cold reset. Because your dignity is worth more than perpetually holding onto a heart that has already let you go.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.