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Neil Sadaka once said that breaking up was hard to do, but he never mentioned the tougher challenge of getting over heartbreak.


When a relationship comes to a screeching halt due to infidelity or irreconcilable differences, how does one cope with the aftermath?

Being consoled by a best friend or getting medicated with a bottle of wine only temporarily dulls the pain, but are those enough when moving on is a one-sided dilemma?

Seeking advice from amateur relationship advice experts, Redditor strawberryshortbleep asked:

"How did you move on from your ex?"

Focus On You

Taking care of yourself is essential, because no one is more important than you in times of romantic despair.

Nurture Thyself

"Your self worth has to come from within. If you don't find happiness alone you'll never have it with another person. So the first thing you've got to do is convince yourself that you matter for you."

GiuseppinaWehner

Steps Toward Recovery

"I have 5 rules:"

  1. Don't be angry, it just makes you bitter and no one has ever changed their outlook because someone was angry at them - humans just push back harder.
  2. Don't ask for explanations - they'll never be good enough. Only one person needs a reason — however weak — to not be in a relationship, otherwise it's a kidnap situation.
  3. Maintain your dignity, dignity can't be taken, only given.
  4. Make plans - follow through, your friends are your best resource.
  5. Look after yourself - mind, body and soul.

"Remind yourself of these everyday and give it time."

Thesheersizeofit

Sweat It Out

"Ran 3 miles a day."

"Honestly, the thing that has always struck me with breakups is your time. All of a sudden your schedule is cleared and you dont know what to do with it. What used to be netflix and dinner every night becomes nothing. The cool restaurant you wanted to try vanishes. Post relationship boredom is real. And in that boredom, you start going down some dark paths that aren't so good for you."

"So I ran a lot. I dont even like running. But it killed about an hour and a half of my day if you include the shower and everything. And if you were exhausted by the end of the day, falling asleep was easier. And to be honest, that's a far better coping mechanism than ice cream or beer."

"As time passes you will heal. Or have scars from it. But regardless, you'll get over it one way or another."

DemeaningSarcasm

Period Of Transition

"Lost a bunch of weight, and just enjoyed myself for awhile. Then I met my current girlfriend. Coming up on 4 years together."

WhyNotKnotWhy

New Friendships

"Once after a breakup I specifically befriended someone who was a social butterfly—instantly met lots of new people and went to new places."

CatMakes3

Time

There is something to the adage that time heals all wounds. Well, most of them, anyway.

Worth The Wait

"Time, trust me. Used to think they were the love of my life, even tho they were my first relationship ever."

"Took long enough, I even loved them after I entered another relationship, but it went away."

"my SO knows about my feelings, it took a toll on us but we're doing fine almost 3 years in!"

"just be honest, whatever u doo."

latenightredditerr

Let It Run Its Course

"Time. Unfortunately, time is the only real solution. But there are some things you can focus on that can help."

"Pay attention to yourself and focus on all the positives of your new life without them. We tend to put our exes on a pedestal after a breakup, glorifying them and forgetting all the things about them/the relationship that used to drive us mad. Remember that there were times in your relationship that made you roll your eyes. Understand that there are positives that you can pick out, though it may not seem like it."

"Try to be social, whether that's with your friends, meeting new people, or (when you're ready) opening yourself up to meeting a new SO. It's easy to close yourself off to others after a rough breakup. You think there's nobody else that could ever compare to your ex. You just lost out on the love your life right? The truth is that there are so many wonderful people in this world, many that you are likely more compatible with than your ex as crazy as it may seem after a breakup. It's not fair to yourself if you don't allow yourself the possibility that there are other people out there that you can be happy with."

"The last and possibly most important thing is to really look at your time in the relationship and choose to accept the way things are. Accept who you are as a person and the relationship for what it was. Understand what you did to help with its demise. Understand that relationships are two way streets and that there are things you can do to be a better partner. This is easy to miss, but is ultimately imperative to the healing because if you choose to ignore this you'll be right back here again. You'll do stupid things. You'll reach out to your ex when you shouldn't. You'll stalk their social media and see things that will make you want to cry. You'll run into them in person with their new 'friend'. You'll hate and blame yourself every time. It's okay, we've all done something like this. This is normal. But dwelling on these things is what drives you insane. Understand when it's time to move on. Blocking/deleting them on social media or going no-contact in general can be very very helpful. Some people are able to remain friends with their exes but for most of us, this is sadly not a reality. Dwelling in the past and not allowing yourself to move on and heal and learn is only going to make things harder."

"It may not seem like it, but I promise there's light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully there's at least something in this post that you can resonate with. At the end of the day, just go back to living your life the best that you can and in time the universe will take care of the rest."

Zaxl

OK To Cry

"Every day is a step forward, and every breakdown you have feels like a step back, but it's not. It's just another step in the process. If you gotta cry, cry. You're grieving a massive pillar in your life, it's ok to cry."

Varan04276

Giving In To Trust

"As I'm sure you know, the beginning is the hardest. It's the darkest part of the whole thing. You will have setbacks. There will be days that you can't take being without them. This is normal. It's okay to feel these feelings. But in doing so, it's also important to understand and accept the way things are. Life is a wild thing full of so many learning moments that you can carry with you to shape who you are. This is one of those moments. Trust in your ability to learn from this experience. Trust in time to heal the wounds. And trust in yourself to take back the person you were before the breakup.You can do it."

Zaxl

"Time, trust me. Used to think they were the love of my life, even tho they were my first relationship ever."

"Took long enough, I even loved them after I entered another relationship, but it went away."

"my SO knows about my feelings, it took a toll on us but we're doing fine almost 3 years in!"

"just be honest, whatever u do"

latenightredditerr

Social Media And Smartphones

Replacing your device may help in forgetting about your ex, as suggested by these Redditors.

Go To Settings And...

"CHANGE YOUR NOTIFICATIONS TONE."

"Pavlovian responses are more powerful than you think."

WafflesTheDuck

Clean Slate

"Also if you're due for a phone upgrade or have the money to get a new one, do it. Try not to back up anything that reminds you of her. A clean phone slate will help out a lot."

mustache_cashstash

Delete Delete Delete

"Delete her off social media, including pics, block, delete number. Crack on with life. No point wasting time, lifes way too short!"

ColdBagOfHamsters

Go Offline

"Just block, and get them off your social media.It is too easy to check on them to see what they are doing. To post things for their benefit. It just really prolongs the healing process and accepting it is over."

skyfullofstars89

Erase, Delete, Block

  1. Cut off all contact. Delete pictures, contact details, block on social media, block common people between you and them, burn what you cant return/donate. Its sort of cathartic, but it gives you peace to let go.
  2. Pick up a physically taxing task for 45mins - 1 hr per day.
  3. Stay away from liquor deliberately if you feel you have high chances of being addictive.
  4. Sit with your emotions - feel overwhelmed and tears keep pooling in your eyes? - have a good cry. Feel angry? - write a letter you'll never post(good for burning too)
  5. On the occasions that you remember them suddenly- tell yourself you think of them neither positively nor negatively. If you force yourself to acknowledge their point of view or give them benefit of doubt of wish them well - it never works. The inner self is going to come out harder demanding the pain be acknowledged. If you give the thoughts a negative tone, you are going to end up bitter. When you give neither, over the period of time, you remember them less and less. And one fine day you wont think of them anymore.

"They will always have a place in your memory, but a very insignificant place. Will the scar be there? May be, may not be. But you will move on in the truest sense where their life events no longer evoke any emotion in you."

runawaybirdie

Moving on from an ex is difficult because you remember the parts of your relationship that brought you together in the first place.

But relationships evolve, and you can't help if a person does not want to grow with you.

Sometimes it's best to avoid contact with the one who broke your heart altogether. A cold reset. Because your dignity is worth more than perpetually holding onto a heart that has already let you go.

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

In the words of every millennial who was once on Tumblr, adulting is hard. I’ve been a legal adult for nine years now, and I still don’t fully understand taxes. I just let TurboTax do its thing and hope for the best. They REALLY need to teach that sh*t in schools.

But I’m not the only adult who still feels like a child! I think a lot of us can relate to that. And to be honest, we can be very unprepared for what life throws at us.

U/cracksandcrevices asked: What is an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?

The worst part is the cruel awakening that we actually have to, you know, do stuff on our own.​

Choosing things is hard.

Having to not only make important decisions by myself (I expected that much) but also having to do so in a timely fashion uninhibited by indecision.

Kurenai_zera

Having to make decisions is such a big thing for me. Intellectually, of course I knew I'd have to make decisions. I just want ready too make them without knowing the consequences and at the speed of life.

Billionai1

Errands eat up sooo much time.

season 2 your shoe's untied GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants Giphy

How much time you spend just doing stuff.

"Oh need to replace my tire and that's over by the store, so while I replace the tire I can do some errands and I'll save time and be home in no time" three hours later "Okay just one more errand before I head home"

Also how putting off a small task just a couple days in a row can quickly amount to a longer chore/responsibility later. "Eh I can just leave this in the sink, get to it later before bed" x 2 days "Why is this grime caked onto this plate still I've been scrubbing for 10 minutes straight!"

WhyImcalledqueen

That’s what delivery is for.

Being sick and having to care for yourself. Like when you were younger your parents would get the medicine, or the medicine cabinet would just be stocked all the time, etc. But here I am with a cold having to build up the energy to go to the supermarket to buy some asprin and throat lozenges all by myself.

Niwawhahatuira

Underwear gnomes are the true pests.

The endless cleaning. I had chores when I was a kid, but I had zero clue how much actual work went into keeping house. I cleaned my house this morning and by midweek it'll be a war zone of pet hair, crumbs, and dust. I don't even have kids wtf it's like the underpants gnomes show up when I'm asleep and mess my house up.

Sn00dlerr

Another sh*tty thing is the crushing loneliness that comes with adulthood. Why didn’t they tell us that we would have no friends after the age of 25?

The only thing I miss about school.

motivating bart simpson GIF Giphy

A lack of community. Growing up you have your elementary school. Each day you see your friends and participate in activities together. Sometimes they move away and sometimes you do, but it largely stays the same through high school and middle school. Flash forward to adulthood and you're just alone. You want to make friends IRL, but have no idea how to go about doing it without seeming creepy, desperate, or god knows what.

This is really hard when you are not overtly religious so you cannot join a religious community. My friend and I talk about this from time to time, it's arguably the hardest thing to deal with in life. It gets worse the longer you live, as you know you are outliving your generation.

Nevek_Green

The reason why I have cats.

You can go days on end without having to speak to a single person, at first it's a dream come true, after about 2 months you start talking to your toaster to pad the silence while waiting for your toast.

Austinape9

I literally haven't spoken to someone beyond saying thank you/no when buying groceries in months. At first it felt kind of freeing and now it's just kinda sad.

Peachesnplumsmf

Ditto on this advice.

The inevitably of your parents dying. My dad just passed away and I'm 25...no one could have prepared me I guess.

Mkg1995

I feel you. Mine passed away back in August when I was 28. There's nothing you can do to prepare for it, and I'm afraid I have no magic words to make it better. Just know you're not alone. I'll never say it gets "better," but it eventually starts to suck less and your hard days get a little less frequent. I'm so, so sorry.

Ginger_pale_1805

​The sad fact is, you have to start fending for yourself with no one to help you. And that’s terrifying.

Saving money is hard for this reason alone.

Basic home maintenance: when to change air filters, smoke alarm batteries, timing of lawn care, how often do you clean the gutters, are you supposed to clean under the stove, what is edging, how do you recycle, how to change locks, etc.

Ctsom

Not to mention the random costs that spring up. Trying to save up money? Good for you. Except your sink just sprung a leak so you need to pay a plumber to fix that. Now you can save money agai... Nope, car needs servicing. Okay, your can definitely save money now.... Wait, that leaky sink sprouted mold so now your bathroom needs to be gutted and redone.

TechyDad

We are all Squidward.

Being absolutely exhausted most of the time. I never thought I'd be the 'I hate everyone' guy. But I am and everyone can f*ck off.

Tuvasbien

We all become Squidward after hitting a certain age.

KvltDrummer

You either die a SpongeBob or live long enough to become a Squidward.

Me? I'm Patrick. F*ck your rat race.

Poopsicle_88

As someone who has lost a parent, I can tell you that sometimes you will never be prepared for certain events in your adult life. Everyone’s experience is different, and sometimes adulthood just means figuring it out for yourself.

You got this, grown-ups of the internet. I believe in you

Image by Niek Verlaan from Pixabay

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