Neil Sadaka once said that breaking up was hard to do, but he never mentioned the tougher challenge of getting over heartbreak.
When a relationship comes to a screeching halt due to infidelity or irreconcilable differences, how does one cope with the aftermath?
Being consoled by a best friend or getting medicated with a bottle of wine only temporarily dulls the pain, but are those enough when moving on is a one-sided dilemma?
Seeking advice from amateur relationship advice experts, Redditor strawberryshortbleep asked:
"How did you move on from your ex?"
Focus On You
Taking care of yourself is essential, because no one is more important than you in times of romantic despair.
Nurture Thyself
"Your self worth has to come from within. If you don't find happiness alone you'll never have it with another person. So the first thing you've got to do is convince yourself that you matter for you."
– GiuseppinaWehner
Steps Toward Recovery
"I have 5 rules:"
- Don't be angry, it just makes you bitter and no one has ever changed their outlook because someone was angry at them - humans just push back harder.
- Don't ask for explanations - they'll never be good enough. Only one person needs a reason — however weak — to not be in a relationship, otherwise it's a kidnap situation.
- Maintain your dignity, dignity can't be taken, only given.
- Make plans - follow through, your friends are your best resource.
- Look after yourself - mind, body and soul.
"Remind yourself of these everyday and give it time."
– Thesheersizeofit
Sweat It Out
"Ran 3 miles a day."
"Honestly, the thing that has always struck me with breakups is your time. All of a sudden your schedule is cleared and you dont know what to do with it. What used to be netflix and dinner every night becomes nothing. The cool restaurant you wanted to try vanishes. Post relationship boredom is real. And in that boredom, you start going down some dark paths that aren't so good for you."
"So I ran a lot. I dont even like running. But it killed about an hour and a half of my day if you include the shower and everything. And if you were exhausted by the end of the day, falling asleep was easier. And to be honest, that's a far better coping mechanism than ice cream or beer."
"As time passes you will heal. Or have scars from it. But regardless, you'll get over it one way or another."
– DemeaningSarcasm
Period Of Transition
"Lost a bunch of weight, and just enjoyed myself for awhile. Then I met my current girlfriend. Coming up on 4 years together."
– WhyNotKnotWhy
New Friendships
"Once after a breakup I specifically befriended someone who was a social butterfly—instantly met lots of new people and went to new places."
– CatMakes3
Time
There is something to the adage that time heals all wounds. Well, most of them, anyway.
Worth The Wait
"Time, trust me. Used to think they were the love of my life, even tho they were my first relationship ever."
"Took long enough, I even loved them after I entered another relationship, but it went away."
"my SO knows about my feelings, it took a toll on us but we're doing fine almost 3 years in!"
"just be honest, whatever u doo."
Let It Run Its Course
"Time. Unfortunately, time is the only real solution. But there are some things you can focus on that can help."
"Pay attention to yourself and focus on all the positives of your new life without them. We tend to put our exes on a pedestal after a breakup, glorifying them and forgetting all the things about them/the relationship that used to drive us mad. Remember that there were times in your relationship that made you roll your eyes. Understand that there are positives that you can pick out, though it may not seem like it."
"Try to be social, whether that's with your friends, meeting new people, or (when you're ready) opening yourself up to meeting a new SO. It's easy to close yourself off to others after a rough breakup. You think there's nobody else that could ever compare to your ex. You just lost out on the love your life right? The truth is that there are so many wonderful people in this world, many that you are likely more compatible with than your ex as crazy as it may seem after a breakup. It's not fair to yourself if you don't allow yourself the possibility that there are other people out there that you can be happy with."
"The last and possibly most important thing is to really look at your time in the relationship and choose to accept the way things are. Accept who you are as a person and the relationship for what it was. Understand what you did to help with its demise. Understand that relationships are two way streets and that there are things you can do to be a better partner. This is easy to miss, but is ultimately imperative to the healing because if you choose to ignore this you'll be right back here again. You'll do stupid things. You'll reach out to your ex when you shouldn't. You'll stalk their social media and see things that will make you want to cry. You'll run into them in person with their new 'friend'. You'll hate and blame yourself every time. It's okay, we've all done something like this. This is normal. But dwelling on these things is what drives you insane. Understand when it's time to move on. Blocking/deleting them on social media or going no-contact in general can be very very helpful. Some people are able to remain friends with their exes but for most of us, this is sadly not a reality. Dwelling in the past and not allowing yourself to move on and heal and learn is only going to make things harder."
"It may not seem like it, but I promise there's light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully there's at least something in this post that you can resonate with. At the end of the day, just go back to living your life the best that you can and in time the universe will take care of the rest."
– Zaxl
OK To Cry
"Every day is a step forward, and every breakdown you have feels like a step back, but it's not. It's just another step in the process. If you gotta cry, cry. You're grieving a massive pillar in your life, it's ok to cry."
– Varan04276
Giving In To Trust
"As I'm sure you know, the beginning is the hardest. It's the darkest part of the whole thing. You will have setbacks. There will be days that you can't take being without them. This is normal. It's okay to feel these feelings. But in doing so, it's also important to understand and accept the way things are. Life is a wild thing full of so many learning moments that you can carry with you to shape who you are. This is one of those moments. Trust in your ability to learn from this experience. Trust in time to heal the wounds. And trust in yourself to take back the person you were before the breakup.You can do it."
– Zaxl
"Time, trust me. Used to think they were the love of my life, even tho they were my first relationship ever."
"Took long enough, I even loved them after I entered another relationship, but it went away."
"my SO knows about my feelings, it took a toll on us but we're doing fine almost 3 years in!"
"just be honest, whatever u do"
Social Media And Smartphones
Replacing your device may help in forgetting about your ex, as suggested by these Redditors.
Go To Settings And...
"CHANGE YOUR NOTIFICATIONS TONE."
"Pavlovian responses are more powerful than you think."
– WafflesTheDuck
Clean Slate
"Also if you're due for a phone upgrade or have the money to get a new one, do it. Try not to back up anything that reminds you of her. A clean phone slate will help out a lot."
Delete Delete Delete
"Delete her off social media, including pics, block, delete number. Crack on with life. No point wasting time, lifes way too short!"
Go Offline
"Just block, and get them off your social media.It is too easy to check on them to see what they are doing. To post things for their benefit. It just really prolongs the healing process and accepting it is over."
– skyfullofstars89
Erase, Delete, Block
- Cut off all contact. Delete pictures, contact details, block on social media, block common people between you and them, burn what you cant return/donate. Its sort of cathartic, but it gives you peace to let go.
- Pick up a physically taxing task for 45mins - 1 hr per day.
- Stay away from liquor deliberately if you feel you have high chances of being addictive.
- Sit with your emotions - feel overwhelmed and tears keep pooling in your eyes? - have a good cry. Feel angry? - write a letter you'll never post(good for burning too)
- On the occasions that you remember them suddenly- tell yourself you think of them neither positively nor negatively. If you force yourself to acknowledge their point of view or give them benefit of doubt of wish them well - it never works. The inner self is going to come out harder demanding the pain be acknowledged. If you give the thoughts a negative tone, you are going to end up bitter. When you give neither, over the period of time, you remember them less and less. And one fine day you wont think of them anymore.
"They will always have a place in your memory, but a very insignificant place. Will the scar be there? May be, may not be. But you will move on in the truest sense where their life events no longer evoke any emotion in you."
– runawaybirdie
Moving on from an ex is difficult because you remember the parts of your relationship that brought you together in the first place.
But relationships evolve, and you can't help if a person does not want to grow with you.
Sometimes it's best to avoid contact with the one who broke your heart altogether. A cold reset. Because your dignity is worth more than perpetually holding onto a heart that has already let you go.
In the words of every millennial who was once on Tumblr, adulting is hard. I’ve been a legal adult for nine years now, and I still don’t fully understand taxes. I just let TurboTax do its thing and hope for the best. They REALLY need to teach that sh*t in schools.
But I’m not the only adult who still feels like a child! I think a lot of us can relate to that. And to be honest, we can be very unprepared for what life throws at us.
U/cracksandcrevices asked: What is an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?
The worst part is the cruel awakening that we actually have to, you know, do stuff on our own.​
Choosing things is hard.
Having to not only make important decisions by myself (I expected that much) but also having to do so in a timely fashion uninhibited by indecision.
Having to make decisions is such a big thing for me. Intellectually, of course I knew I'd have to make decisions. I just want ready too make them without knowing the consequences and at the speed of life.
Errands eat up sooo much time.
season 2 your shoe's untied GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants
Giphy
How much time you spend just doing stuff.
"Oh need to replace my tire and that's over by the store, so while I replace the tire I can do some errands and I'll save time and be home in no time" three hours later "Okay just one more errand before I head home"
Also how putting off a small task just a couple days in a row can quickly amount to a longer chore/responsibility later. "Eh I can just leave this in the sink, get to it later before bed" x 2 days "Why is this grime caked onto this plate still I've been scrubbing for 10 minutes straight!"
That’s what delivery is for.
Being sick and having to care for yourself. Like when you were younger your parents would get the medicine, or the medicine cabinet would just be stocked all the time, etc. But here I am with a cold having to build up the energy to go to the supermarket to buy some asprin and throat lozenges all by myself.
Underwear gnomes are the true pests.
The endless cleaning. I had chores when I was a kid, but I had zero clue how much actual work went into keeping house. I cleaned my house this morning and by midweek it'll be a war zone of pet hair, crumbs, and dust. I don't even have kids wtf it's like the underpants gnomes show up when I'm asleep and mess my house up.
Another sh*tty thing is the crushing loneliness that comes with adulthood. Why didn’t they tell us that we would have no friends after the age of 25?
The only thing I miss about school.
motivating bart simpson GIF
Giphy
A lack of community. Growing up you have your elementary school. Each day you see your friends and participate in activities together. Sometimes they move away and sometimes you do, but it largely stays the same through high school and middle school. Flash forward to adulthood and you're just alone. You want to make friends IRL, but have no idea how to go about doing it without seeming creepy, desperate, or god knows what.
This is really hard when you are not overtly religious so you cannot join a religious community. My friend and I talk about this from time to time, it's arguably the hardest thing to deal with in life. It gets worse the longer you live, as you know you are outliving your generation.
The reason why I have cats.
You can go days on end without having to speak to a single person, at first it's a dream come true, after about 2 months you start talking to your toaster to pad the silence while waiting for your toast.
I literally haven't spoken to someone beyond saying thank you/no when buying groceries in months. At first it felt kind of freeing and now it's just kinda sad.
Ditto on this advice.
The inevitably of your parents dying. My dad just passed away and I'm 25...no one could have prepared me I guess.
I feel you. Mine passed away back in August when I was 28. There's nothing you can do to prepare for it, and I'm afraid I have no magic words to make it better. Just know you're not alone. I'll never say it gets "better," but it eventually starts to suck less and your hard days get a little less frequent. I'm so, so sorry.
​The sad fact is, you have to start fending for yourself with no one to help you. And that’s terrifying.
Saving money is hard for this reason alone.
Basic home maintenance: when to change air filters, smoke alarm batteries, timing of lawn care, how often do you clean the gutters, are you supposed to clean under the stove, what is edging, how do you recycle, how to change locks, etc.
Not to mention the random costs that spring up. Trying to save up money? Good for you. Except your sink just sprung a leak so you need to pay a plumber to fix that. Now you can save money agai... Nope, car needs servicing. Okay, your can definitely save money now.... Wait, that leaky sink sprouted mold so now your bathroom needs to be gutted and redone.
We are all Squidward.
Being absolutely exhausted most of the time. I never thought I'd be the 'I hate everyone' guy. But I am and everyone can f*ck off.
We all become Squidward after hitting a certain age.
You either die a SpongeBob or live long enough to become a Squidward.
Me? I'm Patrick. F*ck your rat race.
As someone who has lost a parent, I can tell you that sometimes you will never be prepared for certain events in your adult life. Everyone’s experience is different, and sometimes adulthood just means figuring it out for yourself.
You got this, grown-ups of the internet. I believe in you
But how much of what we see are authentic reactions?
Curious about the experiences of those who were on camera, Redditor S3xySouthernB asked:
"People who were on reality family shows as kids (think super nanny, wife swap etc) how much of it was real and how much was fiction/set up for drama? Did anything change?"
Unreality
The following Redditors frowned upon the concept of being portrayed differently on camera.
The Gamer
"I was on Wife Swap when I was 10 years old. My family had to switch with a farming family and we were supposed to be the 'city family' even though my family and I lived in the suburbs. There were plenty of quotes taken out of context as you'd expect. They also incited plenty of drama. I was framed as addicted to video games so they took my xbox and gameboy color for the week. A few days in one of the crew members came in with my gameboy and said 'look I found this' and handed it to me. It shouldn't be surprising that they sent the woman staying in our house into my room to 'catch me in the act'."
"To be honest not much has really changed in my life except getting snapchats of my 10 year old face when my friends catch the reruns. I'm open to any questions if anyone is curious."
It was Season 3 Episode 13 of Wife Swap"
Update for anyone who was curious about how much money the show gave us. The initial amount was $20k but after taxes it came to around $15k like others had expected."
– sup3rrn0va
Crazy On Cue
"My parents were 'dinner guests' in an episode of Nanny 911 and they said literally everything was staged. I don't remember all of the details, but they said the directors had a 'code word' that they would say to the kids when they were supposed to start acting all 'crazy'. And then once the scene was done, the kids would be perfectly normal."
– LunaLove1027
False Front
"My friends parents were on worlds strictest parents. They came to my house on 4th of July and when they showed our house on tv it was a huge mansion rather than our actual house. The camera crew also told the visiting 'bad kids' to steal alcohol from our house."
– iceninja98
Hoarders
A glimpse into the lives of those who are unable to part with their possessions is not always scripted TV.
Hoarding For Real
"I worked with a junk removal company for an episode of hoarders and it was actually 99% REAL. The only thing that they would set up a couple times was if they opened a box and found something interesting off camera they would re-open it on camera and act like they just found it."
– dombrady353
Laundry Tub
"My mother was (probably still is, we aren't in contact) a hoarder and you don't HAVE to make sh*t up. They're seriously, seriously mentally ill but they refuse help because they don't think they're mentally ill, or 'it's not that bad' or they're 'going to get to it next month' or whatever. Total denial and self delusion, which is, yanno, common with severe mental illness."
"Example: for who knows what reason, my mother started putting dirty laundry in the bathtub. Eventually there was just a mountain of it. She wouldn't wash it despite our washer working fine. She wouldn't move it. She wouldn't let ME wash it. I was showering at school for weeks already when I told her 'Mom the laundry in the tub has to go. This is ridiculous. I'll help with it.'"
"She said 'There's no laundry in the tub.'"
"She actually tried to DENY REALITY. I went in there and was like 'These are clothes. In the tub. This is laundry.'"
"She replied 'Oh I think those are clean.'"
"I said, 'So then put them away?' I knew they weren't clean. I just wanted to shower."
"She said 'I'll do it this weekend when I have off.'"
"I hate to spoil the ending but..... she didn't do it."
"She hired a dumpster once and was going to 'throw out everything'. It got there. Normal sized dumpster. She didn't throw out anything because 'they sent too big of a one'. Paid hundreds of dollars to hire this dumpster and didn't use it."
"Oh. Then. She was going to sell the house. Someone actually wanted to buy it to gut and flip. It was really a cool old house, speaking design-wise. She decided at the last possible second not to sell. Had to reimburse the buyer's closing costs plus a bunch of other fees."
"Then cried to anyone who'd listen how the realtor was a scammer who 'tried to sell her house out from under her'. Like they're just rouge realtors going around, listing people's houses without their consent and selling them."
– RageAgainstYoda
Drama
Are the emotional outbursts exhibited on reality shows genuine? Not always.
Hairy Situation
"A class mate of mine was on my country's Next Top Model. Before getting into the show she was asked what kind of hair she would never want to get, so that the producers know about it and not make her have it during the makeover episode. My classmate had long blonde hair which she really loved, so she said she doesn't want them to cut her hair off and that she also hated strange unnatural colors like blue, pink etc."
"Fast forward to the makeover episode. The hairstyling team comes in and finds her hair unfitting for a model, so she needs to get a makeover and guess what? Her makeover obviously consists of a pixie cut and green hair to make her look like a 'punk fairy.'"
"My class mate cried throughout the entire process, so I guess the producers got the drama they wanted out of this."
Cue Anger
"There was a family in our neighborhood who was on a show here in Germany. One day, when accompanied by the camera crew, one of the daughters suddenly threw a screaming fit in public, which was totally unusual for her. When the mom was asked later what the f*k had happened, she said, for a tantrum you get 200 bucks extra."
– RayNooze
"A girl I went to school with was on 'My Super Sweet Sixteen'. She was always quiet but well-liked and the kids on that show were usually monsters so we were curious about how the episode would paint her."
"There was one scene where she was checking in on a vendor and they said something might not be finished in time for the party and she didn't have a meltdown or anything but she said something dramatic like, 'Oh no! That's going to ruin my whole birthday party!'"
"After the episode aired her friends who were with her said they did a couple of 'takes' because her first reaction was like, 'Oh, that sucks. Thanks for letting me know.'"
– lucifer2990
It appeared the majority of Redditors who vouched for a show's realistic portrayal of people on TV was Hoarders.
For Redditor azulweber, the circumstance was relatable.
"yeah my grandmother and her sister are both hoarders and i have no problem believing that it's real. i can't imagine someone who isn't a hoarder being willing to allow a show to do that to their home and belongings just for tv."
Sadly, the exploitation of a person's mental illness seems to make for must-see television.
A lot of the Shark Tank folks have made their way to tv to hock items, and it worked, and people are happy! So there has to be some truth to a few things. Let's see what items we should all look for...
The Cleanse
cleaning up mr clean GIF by ADWEEKGiphyOxy-Clean is pretty amazing.
I no longer consider Oxy-Clean an ASOTV product. It is a part of everyday life.
I mean, when name brands are bragging that they have the cleaning power of Oxy-Clean, it has made it to the big time.
FLEX
Flex tape.
I work for an HVAC supplier and our delivery box truck struck the awning of a restaurant and put a 6"x6" hole in the 'box' part. Threw some flex tape on that witch and it's been sealed for over eight months so far, including a rough winter.
Gutted
That leaf filter thing for your gutters. Haven't worried about them in awhile and even set up my parents house with them so they didn't try to climb a ladder.
These have been around in various forms for years, but in my experience they pop out, animals get in them, crapt gets under/through them, and within a couple of years they're just a crooked eyesore that make gutter cleaning that much harder. Are these newest ones actually better? Have you checked under them since installing? No gunk? How do you clean roofing gravel out, or does it really not accumulate?
For the Pets
Well Done Applause GIF by MOODMANGiphyThose gloves that you pet your dog with and it desheds them. They really do work, and true to the commercial the hair also comes off in one clean pull. My dogs love them too.
Spun Up
I was given a Hurricane Spin Mop. I really liked it. That was years ago. I considered buying another one, but damn, $30 for a mop is a lot. They do work nicely though.
Mops take a lot of abuse, if you buy cheap ones you'll have broken/shredded mops pretty fast. $30 for a mop wouldn't kill me if it lasted multiple years.
Actually that brings me to mine, which isn't infomercial level, but the Swiffer Wetjet is pretty awesome because I don't have to mop anymore at all. My whole house is 120-year-old hardwood. I used to do Murphy's or white vinegar, but dragging a mop bucket up and down stairs every week sucks hardcore. Wetjet gets the floors truly clean, dries super fast, and doesn't involve buckets. I wish they'd make a Murphy's scented Wetjet but that's probably just me.
I'm getting that dog shedder thing. And well... Oxy Clean is a miracle. But that is old news. Maybe I need to be watching more TV at 3am. Or at least set the DVR for the sales. What else is being missed?
Hugs...
So Excited Dancing GIFGiphyThe Snuggie was a freaking damned miracle. You can argue that it's just wearing a robe backwards but have you tried that? the arm holes are all wrong.
Damn. I had a Snuggie when I was a teen. I'm 60+. I need to look out for one. It was great for relaxing with a book.
Clogger
Green Gobbler. My bathroom sink was all clogged up and I remembered laughing my butt off to Penguinz0 dubbing over the Green Gobbler commercial. So I figured why not buy some at Home Depot and try it out.
That stuff unclogged my barely functioning sink like nobody's business, my God.
For the Girls
cancer bras GIFGiphyThose little circle things you can use to turn your regular bra into a racer back bra. They're amazing.
Slank Me
I have a Slanket (same concept, different brand) and use it every winter. During the pandemic, I was working from home in a room that gets very cold. I could run a heater, but that tends to just make the room too warm and gives me headaches. I tried a blanket, but couldn't use my hands on the keyboard without opening myself to the cold air.
So I grabbed the Slanket and used that. It kept me warm while I typed away without giving me headaches. If I had a meeting that required video, I simply took out my arms and pulled the Slanket below the camera view.
Of course, now it's getting warm so it's time to put the Slanket away until the cool air returns.
Mince Me
GiphyThe slap chop. Admittedly, I don't own THE slap chop, I have the pampered chef version, but for mincing garlic or onions it saves a ton of time.
The Snuggie saved my life. I lost it and now I have to re-order as soon as I finish this piece. Trust me, if you haven't Snuggied, you haven't lived. Looks like product sales have stepped it up a bit. I'm watching.
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Clothes. I have way too many articles of clothing. I was poor as a kid. I was obese as a teen so I over compensate now. I want options of nice things to wear. There. I said it. And now I have to go pay my storage unit of clothes. Who understands?
Comfies...
angry peter sarsgaard GIFGiphyStuffed animals. But I'd be a damn liar if I said that I'm not cozy at night in my stuffed animal kingdom.
Extensions
Useless cables from up to 25 years ago. I have phone chargers older than lots of Redditors. IDE extensions. I don't know why.
I have quite a few of them too! A small box full of IDE and floppy drive cables.
Because my hobby is... Owning an obscene amount of old late 90's, early 2000's computers, and just messing around with the hardware!
By a Hair
Dog hair. That crap in all my belongings.
When our mutt died our vet came in to ask if we would like a pawprint as a keepsake. We said yes. Then she wanted to know if we wanted a lock of his hair as well.
And then in the middle of us bawling our eyes out, we stopped, and laughed for about 10 seconds. Because that dog's hair was all over our house. He, our carpet, and our couch were all the same color, so a lot of it was hidden, but just everywhere. We declined the lock of hair.
$$$
GIF by yvngswagGiphyMoney.
Exactly how obscene an amount of money were you talking about? Just… profane, or really offensive?
Greens
Plants.
Currently have about... 800?
To be fair, most of it is inventory for my business.
All of this is making sense. And there is never an amount of money that is too obscene to have. I don't get the plants, but I hate plants. Sorry green thumbers.
Love is in the Heel
Shoes because when I was a broke child, my parents never bought me shoes I wanted. Now I am broke adult after buying tons of shoes that never see outside their boxes.
Shoes will always love you. Shoes will never leave you. You can gain 50 pounds and your pants and tops may have to be donated, but your feet will stay the same size. I'm here for shoes because they are here for me.
Cover Up
Make up.
glances at her make up collection yup. I have a 10 drawer craft storage thing. I need another. I have 2 drawers alone just for lipsticks and glosses.
Hey Neo!
GIF by NETFLIXGiphyPictures of Keanu Reeves wearing a bra.
And now shoes...
Socks without a match.
Lol in my family we have a generational bin of socks that keeps getting passed down. My mom had one, and when my sister moved she took it with her. My sister has now moved four times and that bin keeps going with her.
I think the odds on finding those lost mates are pretty low at this point.
Gimme Quarters...
heads or tails spinning GIFGiphyPenny stocks.
Penny stocks are fun. I've made a decent bit off of them over the past several years. Still, I generally try and steer people away from them, since the general public is pretty terrible with basic financial tools like checking accounts and credit cards.
There is never enough of Keanu Reeves in our lives. And I still collect pennies. Money is money. But... we really should examine some collection choices. There is such a thing as too many shoes.
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