Image by Sammy-Williams from Pixabay

You can't be serious? I have lost track of the amount of times I've said that to someone, and then nobody specific. The things that fall out of people's mouths can be shocking. Certain oratory moments make you regret having ears. Like how do some humans function? I wish more people would acquire restraint before they speak, or become a mute.

Redditor u/VandalM was hoping everyone would share all the things they wish they could un-hear by asking.... What is the outright dumbest thing you have heard someone say?

PUSH....

Season 5 What GIF by Friends Giphy

"Pregnancy doesn't have to hurt. It's a myth that it does."

Saxsquatch365

Stop the Babies! 

From a pregnant girl in high-school:

"Smoking doesn't affect my baby because it hasn't developed its lungs yet." This was about 17 years ago. For a catholic school in small community we had surprisingly progressive sex education classes that started in fifth grade. Sex-ed was then taught as a part of the more general health classes that started in middle school and continued through to the end of high school.

As that was the case for us, I don't know what the answer is to cure that kind of ignorance.

aardvark1231

many many many kids....

I work in bankruptcy. One day, a new potential client came in. He was in his mid 30s. He was a truck driver, and had been for about 15 years.

During this time, he'd fathered more than 10 children all over the United States, like he was setting up franchises, or something. However, he'd since settled down, gotten married, and he had two kids with his wife.

The only debt he had was unpaid child support, but it was in the amount of over $50K.

There was nothing we could do to help, as child support obligations can not be eliminated in a bankruptcy.

But at one point in the conversation, he actually said to me, "I can't afford all this child support, I've got a wife and kids!"

Yes sir, you do have a wife, and many, many, many kids. That is an accurate statement.

ArmyOfDog

No Crusts

Judge Judy Reaction GIF by Agent M Loves Gifs Giphy

When you toast white bread it gets healthier for you because it turns it brown like whole wheat bread.

Edit: same guy told me I should put my TV on a stand and off the floor because the heat from the TV will coagulate around the bottom and around the TV and mess it up. Yes he used coagulate.

sparkylocal3

Look out Below

One guy tried to prove to me that you can jump out of a falling plane when it is low above the ground and survive by doing a somersault.

RSF-guy

Someone once told me that as long as you land on your side you will survive. I think if I'm ever in a situation where I'm falling with no parachute with no chance of being saved, I'll do a somersault and land on my side. I'll let you all know how it goes.

rleash

Language Arts

"You know, if we had lost the Revolutionary War, we'd all be speaking English right now."

MozzellJames

I was once in a lift* in Vegas and the most yokel redneck I have ever seen asked my mate where we were from and then followed.it up with a classic...

"Oh ya'll from England, what language do you speak there?"

I had no follow up

  • You may know this as an 'elevator' but you are wrong. Engels33

Let's Pray

Catholics weren't Christians and didn't celebrate Easter.

Elbatcho

When my very Catholic dad came across anti semitism in a book he was reading to me and my little siblings, he would stop reading, point to our pictures of Mary and Jesus that we had, and remind us that all the first Christians were, in fact, Jewish.

wanttotalktopeople

Tuesday?

friday the 13th 80s GIF Giphy

What day is Friday the 13th? -My 24-year-old brother.

kaczmarek224

How Healthy

My flatmate saw me scraping the burnt bits off my last piece of toast. She gasped with horror and shrieked,

"OMG do you have any idea how carcinogenic that is?!"

I suggested she go finish her breakfast cigarette outside and then we'd have a conversation about carcinogens.

ArtisFarkus

Oh Daenerys

game of thrones deal with it GIF Giphy

Heard someone saying dragons were extinct. lol

immajustgooglethat

Sounds Like....

'Q... for cucumber'

CheeseIsExcellent

W for Why.
A for Are.
E for Eye or Ex.
C for Cue.

UpsetMarsupial

The "Eyes" Have It...

saturday the 14th bats GIF Giphy

Was working retail and tried to make a joke with a customer that I had "eyes like a bat".

He chuckled, I thought all was well until he looked up at me and said, "Bats don't have eyes."

Shook me to my core.

YEEyourlastHAW

When have YOU had to work?

"If someone can't find a job I don't see why they just don't go back to school, get a degree, and apply for better jobs."

Guy was 27, very sheltered from a wealthy family, and had no clue that you need income for the time you're in school.

Kick on top was he thought all colleges everywhere in the U.S (where he lived) were free. He thought they were like public libraries, just walk in, grab books and sign up for whatever classes you want.

03throwaway03

Location. Location. Location. 

My ex-gf once asked why the nazis went through the hassle of the Anschluß, because "Austria is a different country, and how did the Army even get here when they only invaded France later?"

Apparently she mixed up the location of France and Germany her whole life.

We're Austrian. We don't even have a French border.

JuFo2707

Freaky Treat

hocus pocus halloween GIF Giphy

Wouldn't it be funny if Halloween fell on Friday the 13th?

blackmilksociety

Go Away #2....

While sharing random facts to welcome a new coworker. This is a verbatim quote.

Coworker 1: I was born dead.

Coworker 2 (genuinely concerned): OMG! Did you survive?!

collective pause and staring

Coworker 2: ... that was the dumbest thing I've ever said.

KieselguhrKid13

Up in the Sky

From a grown, 30-something year old woman (I was 22 at the time)

That the moon and sun were the same celestial body. Just at night it's not as bright, because it's night time.

She started crying when I simply pointed up at the moon in the daytime sky, then to the sun in a different part of the sky.

I felt bad. I didn't mean to make her cry. But, Damn!

rhymes_with_chicken

"the dark body"

That Earth is hollow and we live inside. Sun and moon are small balls in the middle. Also there is "dark body", that would be the night. Reason why we can't see sun or moon all the time is, because light does to travel in a straight line, but in spiral and at night sun is hiding behind this black body.

MentalMeltdownDaily

Slow the Puff Bruh

Dog Dude GIF Giphy

10 years ago a friend of mine argued there are more babies on Earth than adults. His reasoning being babies are born every day, adults die every day.

SelfDerecatingTumor

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