You can't be serious? I have lost track of the amount of times I've said that to someone, and then nobody specific. The things that fall out of people's mouths can be shocking. Certain oratory moments make you regret having ears. Like how do some humans function? I wish more people would acquire restraint before they speak, or become a mute.Redditor u/VandalM was hoping everyone would share all the things they wish they could un-hear by asking.... What is the outright dumbest thing you have heard someone say?
PUSH....Season 5 What GIF by FriendsGiphy
"Pregnancy doesn't have to hurt. It's a myth that it does."
Stop the Babies!
From a pregnant girl in high-school:
"Smoking doesn't affect my baby because it hasn't developed its lungs yet."This was about 17 years ago. For a catholic school in small community we had surprisingly progressive sex education classes that started in fifth grade. Sex-ed was then taught as a part of the more general health classes that started in middle school and continued through to the end of high school.
As that was the case for us, I don't know what the answer is to cure that kind of ignorance.
many many many kids....
I work in bankruptcy. One day, a new potential client came in. He was in his mid 30s. He was a truck driver, and had been for about 15 years.
During this time, he'd fathered more than 10 children all over the United States, like he was setting up franchises, or something. However, he'd since settled down, gotten married, and he had two kids with his wife.
The only debt he had was unpaid child support, but it was in the amount of over $50K.
There was nothing we could do to help, as child support obligations can not be eliminated in a bankruptcy.
But at one point in the conversation, he actually said to me, "I can't afford all this child support, I've got a wife and kids!"
Yes sir, you do have a wife, and many, many, many kids. That is an accurate statement.
No CrustsJudge Judy Reaction GIF by Agent M Loves GifsGiphy
When you toast white bread it gets healthier for you because it turns it brown like whole wheat bread.
Edit: same guy told me I should put my TV on a stand and off the floor because the heat from the TV will coagulate around the bottom and around the TV and mess it up. Yes he used coagulate.
Look out Below
One guy tried to prove to me that you can jump out of a falling plane when it is low above the ground and survive by doing a somersault.
Someone once told me that as long as you land on your side you will survive. I think if I'm ever in a situation where I'm falling with no parachute with no chance of being saved, I'll do a somersault and land on my side. I'll let you all know how it goes.
"You know, if we had lost the Revolutionary War, we'd all be speaking English right now."
I was once in a lift* in Vegas and the most yokel redneck I have ever seen asked my mate where we were from and then followed.it up with a classic...
"Oh ya'll from England, what language do you speak there?"
I had no follow up
- You may know this as an 'elevator' but you are wrong. Engels33
Catholics weren't Christians and didn't celebrate Easter.
When my very Catholic dad came across anti semitism in a book he was reading to me and my little siblings, he would stop reading, point to our pictures of Mary and Jesus that we had, and remind us that all the first Christians were, in fact, Jewish.
Tuesday?friday the 13th 80s GIFGiphy
What day is Friday the 13th? -My 24-year-old brother.
My flatmate saw me scraping the burnt bits off my last piece of toast. She gasped with horror and shrieked,
"OMG do you have any idea how carcinogenic that is?!"
I suggested she go finish her breakfast cigarette outside and then we'd have a conversation about carcinogens.
Oh Daenerysgame of thrones deal with it GIFGiphy
Heard someone saying dragons were extinct. lol
'Q... for cucumber'
W for Why.
A for Are.
E for Eye or Ex.
C for Cue.
The "Eyes" Have It...saturday the 14th bats GIFGiphy
Was working retail and tried to make a joke with a customer that I had "eyes like a bat".
He chuckled, I thought all was well until he looked up at me and said, "Bats don't have eyes."
Shook me to my core.
When have YOU had to work?
"If someone can't find a job I don't see why they just don't go back to school, get a degree, and apply for better jobs."
Guy was 27, very sheltered from a wealthy family, and had no clue that you need income for the time you're in school.
Kick on top was he thought all colleges everywhere in the U.S (where he lived) were free. He thought they were like public libraries, just walk in, grab books and sign up for whatever classes you want.
Location. Location. Location.
My ex-gf once asked why the nazis went through the hassle of the Anschluß, because "Austria is a different country, and how did the Army even get here when they only invaded France later?"
Apparently she mixed up the location of France and Germany her whole life.
We're Austrian. We don't even have a French border.
Freaky Treathocus pocus halloween GIFGiphy
Wouldn't it be funny if Halloween fell on Friday the 13th?
Go Away #2....
While sharing random facts to welcome a new coworker. This is a verbatim quote.
Coworker 1: I was born dead.
Coworker 2 (genuinely concerned): OMG! Did you survive?!
collective pause and staring
Coworker 2: ... that was the dumbest thing I've ever said.
Up in the Sky
From a grown, 30-something year old woman (I was 22 at the time)
That the moon and sun were the same celestial body. Just at night it's not as bright, because it's night time.
She started crying when I simply pointed up at the moon in the daytime sky, then to the sun in a different part of the sky.
I felt bad. I didn't mean to make her cry. But, Damn!
"the dark body"
That Earth is hollow and we live inside. Sun and moon are small balls in the middle. Also there is "dark body", that would be the night. Reason why we can't see sun or moon all the time is, because light does to travel in a straight line, but in spiral and at night sun is hiding behind this black body.
Slow the Puff BruhDog Dude GIFGiphy
10 years ago a friend of mine argued there are more babies on Earth than adults. His reasoning being babies are born every day, adults die every day.
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As you walk down the street in the middle of the afternoon, you might pass by people doing various jobs or activities which wouldn't seem out of the ordinary.
But witnessing these same tasks occurring in the early hours of the morning might raise your suspicions.
What seemed like an everyday, normal job, now might be cause for alarm, resulting in you having trouble falling asleep after seeing it.
Redditor JustPlay94_cryer was curious to learn what jobs or activities members of the Reddit community wouldn't think twice about seeing in the afternoon, but might stop dead in their tracks in the middle of the night, leading them to ask:
"What is normal at 3PM, but terrifying at 3AM?"
Never trust those who travel at night...
"Car pulling into your driveway."- Playful_Beat_6958
Is someone there?
"My google home on max volume saying 'MICROPHONE DISCONNECTED'."
"I live alone."- I_Seen_Some_Stuff
At this hour, it can't be good news...
"Breaking news"- the4thtriforcebreaking news GIF by ATTN:Giphy
Is everyone trying to get ahead on their commute?
"Having had to flee my home at 2AM due to wildfires, I'd say heavy traffic."
"It's the heavy traffic at 3AM that's terrifying, not the wildfires, which are terrifying no matter what time it is."- BarracudaImpossible4
What are they trying to cover up?
"Digging a hole."- -Imyoshi
This is NOT a drill!
"Tornado Siren Test."
"Guaranteed it's not a test at 3am."- mdkubittornado GIFGiphy
"I didn't even add the batteries yet..."
"A kid's toy going off in a random room."- just-a-hambone
The can smell danger from a mile away...
"Dog standing at the top of the stairs and barking at something on the main floor."- MedicalArm5689
Better be urgent...
"A phone call from parents/relatives etc."- DeadOnDeparture98mary kate and ashley 90s GIFGiphy
It's all about the context...
"The sound of a branch breaking when you're outside."- binglelemon·
Amazing the things we wouldn't think twice about in broad daylight, which can scare the living daylights out of us after night falls.
Quite literally, the things that go bump in the night...
We are two and a half years into this pandemic madness.
Cases are rising and now we also have monkeypox.
What a time to be alive!
It has been a trying few years.
Hopefully when all is said and done we'll come through a little smarter, wiser and passionate about life.
Can we all look back and see what we learned?
Redditor hughjassjess wanted to share about all the lessons they took in surviving the Covid madness. They asked:
"What has living through a pandemic taught you?"
I learned I drink too much. It's a start.
Time Flies...Loop Time GIF by PsyklonGiphy
"2 weeks can turn into 2 years real quick lol."
"The trajectory of your entire life can change in an instant."
"This. I was a dedicated museum worker just finishing my degree in museology. The pandemic made that all museums had to be temporarily closed, and then closed for even longer and I had to get a new job."
"Now I work for a tech startup and I LOVE it and even got a permanent position. Never thought I would become an office rat, but my team and company and the salary are just awesome. If you told me that before the pandemic I would have just laughed in disbelief."
"Who are my real friends. That socializing does actually somewhat matter and that grades/career aren't everything."
"I 100% lost some people I thought were really close friends during lock down, they just never put the effort in and I finally saw that."
"I really, really like hanging out by myself."
"Totally opposite for me. I used to love my alone time, likely because I never got it. After 2 years alone with just myself and a cat I was going crazy. Now I've found a happy medium where I get 2-3 hours a day alone and the rest is full of friends / colleagues, and it is working out well. Some days I don't get alone time and a few extra hours on my own the next day makes up for it."
Just yuckOver It Ugh GIF by ZEPETOGiphy
"Life just sucks sometimes, that’s the way it is and there’s nothing you can really do about it and you just kinda have to accept it and keep going."
Life sucks. That fact has never been clearer.
Shake BabyDisco GIFGiphy
"Dancing like an idiot to disco in my house is my favorite form of exercise."
"That the 9-5 grind is absolutely freaking toxic as hell. The amount of free time working from home and cutting down on my travel time has given me. It's improved my relationships. Given me more time with my kid and fiancé. Less time spent outside of those 8 hours doing chores and errands. I recognize that this isn't possible for every career and I'm sorry if this doesn't apply to you. But that's why our society needs to change. People need more time to themselves."
"It taught me a lot. It taught me: I don't have to go to an office to work. I can have a deep relationship with my kids. I can re-shingle my garage. I can walk my dog during the day instead of staring at my office wall. I can sell my second car and save on gas and insurance. I can be happy and fulfilled."
"It taught me that I love my partner and we work together well in difficult times. We started an illegal take out food business to make ends meet, we started cooking at 8 am and had all the food in containers and ready to go at 6pm for about 20 people per night."
"I am a furniture maker who lost access to my woodshop with so many people testing positive. My girlfriend is a PhD student who couldn’t go to school and get paid for TA hours. We both had never worked in the food industry. We decided to isolate together and made a ridiculously successful business. A year later we got married, because we kicked the crap out of lockdown."
"That when the time comes the rich and politicians will throw us under the bus and then complain about the noise it makes."
What a time it was. What a time it still is. Good luck all.
Who doesn't love some good old fashion nastiness?
I don't mean like evil, mean-spirited craziness, I mean some nice tongue lashings.
Don't you love cursing someone out without having to use one off-colored word?
Redditor Saibotnl1 wanted to get a list together of all the saucy and sassy words that can be naughty and used in mixed company.They asked:
"What's an insult without any swear words?"
I love me some shade. I love throwing it and hearing it. Tell me more...
Ouchshade GIF by WE tvGiphy
“'I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.'”
"'You aren't the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don't die.'"
"This is the most brutal one."
"Guess this means I gotta protect you at all costs."
"One I use in retail occasionally... I can explain this to you but I can't understand it for you."
"As a fellow retail manager, I feel that in my bones. I manage a large gun store, so I deal with a lot of idiots (frightening, I know)."
"There are times when people try to argue with me about things that involve federal law, and get mad at me when I won’t commit willful violations of said federal law that could cost the store its license to lawfully do business. I usually will end things with, 'I’m sorry you feel that way, because it means that we can no longer do business. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for elsewhere.'"
"You are the human equivalent of a participation trophy."
"A participation trophy is a trophy given to someone in a contest who didn't actually win anything but would have been butthurt if they came away empty-handed."
Lucky FoolsGene Kelly Envy GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"I envy those who've never met you."
I am LIVING for all of these!
Need a bag?ugly donald glover GIFGiphy
“'You have a great face for radio.'”
"And you have a great voice for silence."
"You've got two brain cells, and they're both fighting for third place. Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology. Apparently the second one is a line from House MD. Giving credit where it's due."
"I've always liked 'Intellectually unfortunate.'"
"'I don't care what the others say, I think you're great.'"
"'I don't know why so many people don't like you.'"
"I actually saw someone say this to another person at work. It doesn't help that most people at our work really don't like the guy."
"'I wouldn't want to be your mirror.'"
"'I still wouldn't bother to look at you.'"
Oh my...Shade Be Quiet GIF by THE TRIXIE & KATYA SHOWGiphy
"'You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.'"
My Lord. Y'all people are scandalous.
Why do the rich have to spoil everything?
Like let us poor people hold onto something.
I'm astonished by some of the things that have been altered or ruined by an influx of wealthy interest.
Redditor papipablo99 wanted to hear about how money has ruined many things, even for people who don't have any.They asked:
"What were some poor people things that got ruined by rich people?"
Food. Like cheap food. Have you seen the prices of Ramen these days?!
Turnoverpop up art GIF by molehillGiphy
"Owning a cheap/fixer-upper house."
"The house I grew up in with my poor single mother and three siblings is now worth 600k easily. It was built for poor families in the 30s, and remained for poor families until the last decade."
"I hear Coachella used to be a genuine hippie love fest until it got turned into VIP Woodstock."
"Sure it’s a corporate cash grab nowadays but it was always only a hippie love fest if you wanted it to be. The first headliners Rage Against The Machine, Tool, and Beck were hardly the hippie type. You can float around as a hippie there now just as much as you could back then."
"Farmers markets. Used to be cheap when I was younger. Now it’s a hipsters paradise and expensive as heck."
"Around here (Italy), we have 'farmer markets' (I put it in quotes because actual farmers are a small portion of what you find there) that occur weekly, and they're still a convenient option for low income families, afaik. Did I say weekly?"
"That is only technically true: each individual farmer market occurs individually, but many medium sized towns have several of them, like one behind city hall on Mondays, one in front of the post office on Thursdays, one next to the middle school on Fridays, you get the idea. The biggest inconvenience about them is that some streets get closed on market days because of them, but you get used to their schedule and end up planning your routes around them."
"Trying to find a legit thrift store here in Brooklyn, NY that isn't just old clothes at new designer prices is a pain in the @ss. Also, along the same lines as your answer: ripped jeans. It used to be ripped jeans were a cool look that you accomplish just by having jeans be old and wear out."
"But I've seen designer jeans that are 2 inches of fabric and 99% pre-designed-intentional-rips that cost more than my monthly grocery budget. Okay, looking them up they aren't actually as expensive as my monthly food cost, but still: https://abc7news.com/carmar-jeans-ripped-extreme-cut-out/3424787/"
CollectionsVideo Games Lol GIF by Robbie CobbGiphy
"Used video games. It used to be where you could find used games and consoles for practically free. Nowadays they're all collector items."
I can't believe how far prices and technology has come with video games. My Atari was crap. LOL
"Old muscle cars. There are probably 3 dozen different cars I've had that recently either approached or passed the 100K mark. in 2018 sold a '70 Superbee before a move for 30K thinking I'd pick up another in a few years. Nope, not gonna happen. Couldn't touch the same car for less than 80."
God BlessIndependence Day Usa GIF by Broad CityGiphy
"Living in the country. They buy up the best farm land and buy an old tractor and a wagon wheel for decoration. They then start organizing hoas."
"I hate this. I'm watching this happen all around me. I feel bad for some of my neighbors who've lived peacefully for decades on their 5-10 acre plot. That is until a development company buys up land right next to them and put in 50 cookie cutter houses or low-mid income apartments."
Less is Less
"Minimalism. 'Here in my 3 million bungalow I keep only 15 things.'"
"The problem with a lot of so-called 'minimalist' thought is that those 15 things end up being hugely expensive all-in-one options. It ends up being more of wealth flex than 'here are my 50 things I actually need.'"
"I only 'need' one or two kitchen knives/pots/pans, but they have to be really freaking great knives/pots/pans that hold up to a lot more use and have a lot more utility than typical knives/pots/pans."
"ComicCons used to be really reasonable, and you might have a lengthy conversation with famous people there."
"They have evolved into a massive event with various levels of admission, VIP access, and VIP seating. There are often long lineups and a high price to pay for photos and autographs with bigger superstars.When I used to go (pre-Covid), I usually just went to look at/buy art; those people were usually not very busy and would frequently sign things for free. Except if they're hulking guys like Frank Miller."
We are the...
"Champion, I remember when that would be what the 'poor' people would wear."
"I remember feeling kind of mildly embarrassed by my cheap Champion sportswear as a kid that my frugal parents bought for me. They used to be a generic superstore brand. So strange they're what's fashionable now."
"It’s just absurd. My dads been wearing champion since way before I was born in ‘98. He has socks from the early 2000s and sweatshirts/pants from the mid ‘90s. Paid probably $10-15 then, for a $85 sweatshirt now."
U still around?Punk Rock 80S GIFGiphy
"I didn’t even know punk existed anymore. I haven’t heard anything about it in many, many, many years."
Money really does ruin everything. Even being poor.