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People Divulge The Outright Dumbest Thing They've Ever Heard Someone Say

Do you hear you?

People Divulge The Outright Dumbest Thing They've Ever Heard Someone Say
Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

You can't be serious? I have lost track of the amount of times I've said that to someone, and then nobody specific. The things that fall out of people's mouths can be shocking. Certain oratory moments make you regret having ears. Like how do some humans function? I wish more people would acquire restraint before they speak, or become a mute.

Redditor u/VandalM was hoping everyone would share all the things they wish they could un-hear by asking.... What is the outright dumbest thing you have heard someone say?

PUSH....

Season 5 What GIF by FriendsGiphy

"Pregnancy doesn't have to hurt. It's a myth that it does."

Saxsquatch365

Stop the Babies! 

From a pregnant girl in high-school:

"Smoking doesn't affect my baby because it hasn't developed its lungs yet."This was about 17 years ago. For a catholic school in small community we had surprisingly progressive sex education classes that started in fifth grade. Sex-ed was then taught as a part of the more general health classes that started in middle school and continued through to the end of high school.

As that was the case for us, I don't know what the answer is to cure that kind of ignorance.

aardvark1231

many many many kids....

I work in bankruptcy. One day, a new potential client came in. He was in his mid 30s. He was a truck driver, and had been for about 15 years.

During this time, he'd fathered more than 10 children all over the United States, like he was setting up franchises, or something. However, he'd since settled down, gotten married, and he had two kids with his wife.

The only debt he had was unpaid child support, but it was in the amount of over $50K.

There was nothing we could do to help, as child support obligations can not be eliminated in a bankruptcy.

But at one point in the conversation, he actually said to me, "I can't afford all this child support, I've got a wife and kids!"

Yes sir, you do have a wife, and many, many, many kids. That is an accurate statement.

ArmyOfDog

No Crusts

Judge Judy Reaction GIF by Agent M Loves GifsGiphy

When you toast white bread it gets healthier for you because it turns it brown like whole wheat bread.

Edit: same guy told me I should put my TV on a stand and off the floor because the heat from the TV will coagulate around the bottom and around the TV and mess it up. Yes he used coagulate.

sparkylocal3

Look out Below

One guy tried to prove to me that you can jump out of a falling plane when it is low above the ground and survive by doing a somersault.

RSF-guy

Someone once told me that as long as you land on your side you will survive. I think if I'm ever in a situation where I'm falling with no parachute with no chance of being saved, I'll do a somersault and land on my side. I'll let you all know how it goes.

rleash

Language Arts

"You know, if we had lost the Revolutionary War, we'd all be speaking English right now."

MozzellJames

I was once in a lift* in Vegas and the most yokel redneck I have ever seen asked my mate where we were from and then followed.it up with a classic...

"Oh ya'll from England, what language do you speak there?"

I had no follow up

  • You may know this as an 'elevator' but you are wrong. Engels33

Let's Pray

Catholics weren't Christians and didn't celebrate Easter.

Elbatcho

When my very Catholic dad came across anti semitism in a book he was reading to me and my little siblings, he would stop reading, point to our pictures of Mary and Jesus that we had, and remind us that all the first Christians were, in fact, Jewish.

wanttotalktopeople

Tuesday?

friday the 13th 80s GIFGiphy

What day is Friday the 13th? -My 24-year-old brother.

kaczmarek224

How Healthy

My flatmate saw me scraping the burnt bits off my last piece of toast. She gasped with horror and shrieked,

"OMG do you have any idea how carcinogenic that is?!"

I suggested she go finish her breakfast cigarette outside and then we'd have a conversation about carcinogens.

ArtisFarkus

Oh Daenerys

game of thrones deal with it GIFGiphy

Heard someone saying dragons were extinct. lol

immajustgooglethat

Sounds Like....

'Q... for cucumber'

CheeseIsExcellent

W for Why.
A for Are.
E for Eye or Ex.
C for Cue.

UpsetMarsupial

The "Eyes" Have It...

saturday the 14th bats GIFGiphy

Was working retail and tried to make a joke with a customer that I had "eyes like a bat".

He chuckled, I thought all was well until he looked up at me and said, "Bats don't have eyes."

Shook me to my core.

YEEyourlastHAW

When have YOU had to work?

"If someone can't find a job I don't see why they just don't go back to school, get a degree, and apply for better jobs."

Guy was 27, very sheltered from a wealthy family, and had no clue that you need income for the time you're in school.

Kick on top was he thought all colleges everywhere in the U.S (where he lived) were free. He thought they were like public libraries, just walk in, grab books and sign up for whatever classes you want.

03throwaway03

Location. Location. Location. 

My ex-gf once asked why the nazis went through the hassle of the Anschluß, because "Austria is a different country, and how did the Army even get here when they only invaded France later?"

Apparently she mixed up the location of France and Germany her whole life.

We're Austrian. We don't even have a French border.

JuFo2707

Freaky Treat

hocus pocus halloween GIFGiphy

Wouldn't it be funny if Halloween fell on Friday the 13th?

blackmilksociety

Go Away #2....

While sharing random facts to welcome a new coworker. This is a verbatim quote.

Coworker 1: I was born dead.

Coworker 2 (genuinely concerned): OMG! Did you survive?!

collective pause and staring

Coworker 2: ... that was the dumbest thing I've ever said.

KieselguhrKid13

Up in the Sky

From a grown, 30-something year old woman (I was 22 at the time)

That the moon and sun were the same celestial body. Just at night it's not as bright, because it's night time.

She started crying when I simply pointed up at the moon in the daytime sky, then to the sun in a different part of the sky.

I felt bad. I didn't mean to make her cry. But, Damn!

rhymes_with_chicken

"the dark body"

That Earth is hollow and we live inside. Sun and moon are small balls in the middle. Also there is "dark body", that would be the night. Reason why we can't see sun or moon all the time is, because light does to travel in a straight line, but in spiral and at night sun is hiding behind this black body.

MentalMeltdownDaily

Slow the Puff Bruh

Dog Dude GIFGiphy

10 years ago a friend of mine argued there are more babies on Earth than adults. His reasoning being babies are born every day, adults die every day.

SelfDerecatingTumor

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REDDIT

Things People Secretly Love But Would Never Admit To In Public

Reddit user sweet_chick283 asked: 'What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?;

Collection of VHS tapes
Bruno Guerrero/Unsplash

What makes us all unique is our passions and the things we love, whether it's singing in the shower, reading books, or listening to specific music artists.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are judged for our various tastes and interests thanks to social media, and it makes us consciously selective about sharing the things we love on the internet.

Curious to hear about people's personal desires under anonymity, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?"

These aren't really chores for the following Redditors.

Good Clean Fun

"Mopping, im a janitor and generally hate my work... but damn mopping is so good."

– MrDDog06

"When you have a great rhythm going it is something special. I get the same feeling while I vacuum, but won’t let my wife know I enjoy it."

– Bogus_34

Act Of Unwrinkling

"Ironing clothes. A dozen of them. Can’t explain how it relaxes me. I told one person and they looked at me like I’m crazy."

– eerie_white_glow

"My mum misses the days when dad would be out on a Friday night, my brother out with friends and me upstairs quietly playing PS1. She would pour herself a Bacardi & Coke and do the ironing while watching her TV shows."

"I'm sure she doesn't really miss it now that we've moved out and they've retired but it was her wind-down after a busy working week so I can see how people can find it relaxing."

– xdq

Our solo actions can spark joy.

Big Brother Is Watching

"pretending to be on the Truman show and whenever im in my house i act all inconspicuous so they dont know that i know that they’re watching me."

– Bec_121

"C’mon man, you’re not supposed to let him know. You signed a contract when signing up for live views. I’m reporting you."

– doeswaspsmakehoney

The Multi-Tasker

"Playing video games naked at home while eating cheese."

– thickening_agent

Releasing The Kraken

"I love the feeling when you've eaten good fibre and let out a solid long train log in the toilet. That feeling is heavenly."

– therapoootic

"Even better when it’s a clean wipe and not a poo crayon."

– TheWarmestHugz

Ultimate Comfort

"My (male 41) weekend routine is coming home from work, make hot chocolate, start a fire, dress in a ugly pink nightgown made for old ladies and watch forensic files."

– crazyloomis

Some people are obsessed with collecting things.

So Kawai

"Sanrio stationery stores. All those different multicolor pens, a thousand kinds of erasers, spiral bound notebooks galore... my kids sadly have absolutely no appreciation for this wonderland..."

– HavingNotAttained

It's A Staple

"Office supplies have a weird, special place in my heart ever since I was a kid. They don't even have to be 'cute' necessarily."

"Japan's legendary stationery stores is unironically a reason I want to go."

– _CozyLavender_

Not Caring Anymore

"The older I get the shorter that list gets. Not because I love less things, but because I don't care about hiding it."

– Bi-Beast

"YES!! I'm 53 now. I'm working my first job in public since 2006. Today is Halloween and we're allowed to dress up so I am sitting here waiting to go to work dressed as a VERY bad Wednesday Addams. My bf said I'd 'look stupid' because no one else will probably dress up and I'm like, 'WHO CARES!' My makeup looks horrible and not like I practiced, but I DO NOT CARE! I'm having fun with it anyhow and I don't care if my coworkers dress up or not. I'm bein' ME! :)"

– deanie1970

Honorable mentions start here.

The Savior

"Picking up worms from the street and sidewalks when it rains and moving them into the dirt so they don’t burn in the sun, every time it rains I do this."

– sky_kitten89

Hero Of The Moment

"Yoooo I scoot SO many snails and worms. I work as a tech/mechanic at an automotive shop, I had a peoject car towed to my house the other day and it was covered in snails. I saw them when the tow guy/coworker was unloading and I was like, 'oh! It comes with free snails!' and began moving them. He laughed then realized and said, '... Oh, you're serious. Uh... Okay.'"

"I don't care who knows it. These little things barely can look out for themselves, why shouldn't we if we can take a moment to help? I don't care what happens next, it probably doesn't matter overall but I can help this moment."

– chris14020

Why should some of the hidden desires mentioned above have to be secret?

Redditors opening up about some of these would make them a hit at parties–no shaming.

As a matter of fact, I'll totally be down for a Forensic Files viewing party where we all make hot chocolate, light the fireplace, and cozy up together in our respective pink ugly nightgowns for old ladies.

historical reenactors
Sigmund on Unsplash

We've probably all heard some variation of the saying "Truth is stranger than fiction."

Real life isn't just strange, it can also be downright ridiculous.

History is riddled with moments of absurdity.

So ridiculous that people have a hard time believing real life is, well, really real.

Keep reading...Show less