First dates are terrifying. I don't care what anyone says.
They're stressful, they're awkward, they're high-pressure, and honestly, that's just me worrying about myself. Factoring in another human being and being out in public is a whole other nightmare for my anxiety.
One Reddit user asked:
What first date behavior is a dealbreaker?
... and then I suddenly realized I was so stressed about *me* being a disaster on the first date, that I forgot to factor in the possibility that the other person could potentially hop aboard the hot mess express.
The thread initially started out with people just sort of listing general dealbreakers:
Keep It Clean
smell this saturday night live GIF by HULU
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Smelly, greasy hair, and no effort in appearance. If the first date isn't important enough for you to even shower, then how important will the relationship be to you
My roommate went out with a girl and hadn't showered in days. Then she said it wasn't going to work out with the other girl because the other girl didn't shave her legs.
... you'll notice I said things "started" with people listing the little things. But WOW did it devolve pretty quickly.
There really isn't a better way to talk about disaster first-date dealbreakers than to just share your war stories, right?
And OMG the war stories.
I Love You
Immediately starting with the "I love you" attitude...
- koravel
Had a girl tell me she thought she loved me about half way through our first date once.
I brushed it off as flirty banter then toward the end of our meal she says:
"You know how I know you love me? You didn't say that you didn't love me when I said I loved you"
and there you have the reason for no second date.
- JonWoo89
You Don't Own Me
Possessive behaviour. If this is how you act with someone you've just met, how would a relationship with you be?
On the first, and only, date i beat him at air hockey. He got super serious and in my face and told me to never talk about air hockey again...
I'm glad they make it so easy to pick them out. They almost always start on the first or second date. It's usually something small like telling you that their responsibility is to protect you or snapping when you walk the wrong way (real examples). Once they do that you can be sure that if you continue dating them they will try their hardest to ruin your life.
MLM
Taking me to a multi-level marketing seminar. (actually happened).
I did not sign up and told her afterwards I was not interested. Thank God I didn't tell her my last name or she could have easily spammed me with junk mail.
Lol, this happened to me too.
Long story short:
Girl from my high school who I hadn't seen in a few years calls me up. She said she missed me and wanted to catch up.
Let's have dinner at this hotel steakhouse, hell yeah.
We walk inside the hotel, into the conference room with tables set up. She flirts with me, I'm going to score. Hell yeah!
Some dude sites next to her, she lets me know it's her husband. Some dude gets on the stage and starts being loud, but I'm sort of not paying attention.
Guy starts screaming about how he has a Ferrarri, look at his Ferrarri keys! Sell like me and you can have a Ferrarri as well!!!! Woooo!!!
Made and excuse about going to the bathroom, walked a few miles to some other place. Called my mom, she picked me up and took me home. Lol
Monday Night Raw Sport GIF by WWE
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Until people essentially gave up on just listing the dealbreaker offense and started spilling their stories.
Sharing is caring, fam.
The Wallet
Best to just relate my all-time favorite 'worst 1st date' & ultimate deal-breaker: A friend set me up on a date w/ one of her co-workers that I'd only met once at her place of employment.
The only time I had available was a Saturday right before my Yoga class, so we agree to meet up at a place I'd never eaten at. Mind you, the date who'd eaten there before, suggested a place that was near where my class was.
I show up wearing my Yoga clothes: NO POCKETS, loose-fitting sweater: NO POCKETS, and a small 4 by 5 inch fanny pack. The no pockets thing will be relevant later.
We have lunch - everything was going great. Then just before the bill arrives the date goes to the bathroom, comes back, still having a great time we finish our meal, the bill comes (50/50 split), all of the sudden the date can't find their LARGE motorcycle type wallet w/ their money in it then proceeds to accuse me of stealing it while they were in the bathroom & putting in my 'pocket'!
I stood up pointing out that I didn't have any pockets, opened my fanny pack to show other than 20 bucks, my ID and gym membership card it was too small to fit anything as big as your standard sized motorcycle wallet.
It didn't matter that I had 20 witnesses who verified that I NEVER left my seat much less the restaurant. The idiot date proceeded to throw a Kevin/Karen sized tantrum demanding to search my car, so I gave the waitress my ID then had her call the cops to escort me & the idiot out to my car and proved I did NOT have 'the wallet' or anything else in there. Idiot comes back in, cop takes a report, leaves & then Idiot proceeds to claim that the waitress and I are friends and in cahoots, that 'we' stole it & the waitress is hiding the wallet in the back. I reiterate ''You chose this place, I do not know anyone here, I've NEVER been here before!"Since, I'd only brought enough to cover my meal I ended calling my Stay-At-Home-Mother sister, to come there & lend me enough cash to cover the whole bill, skipped my Yoga Class and went home in a huff, called my friend, told her what happened - she was shocked.
Monday rolls around, idiot gets to work, opens their desk, and boom there's the wallet! Idiot call me to say I'm so sorry and wants to know if can we please have a do-over date - my response: 'OH HELL TO THE NO, Insult me by calling me a liar & a thief, stiff me w/ the full $40 bill, invade my privacy by demanding to search my car, you had your chance, you blew it & ya can rot in hell for all I care.'
Indonesia
Once, I was talking to this girl online, and things were going pretty well, so we decided to go for dinner.
I showed up to the place five minutes early, so I waited. And kept waiting.
Texted her 15 mins after we were scheduled to meet, but didn't get a response. Waited for another 45 mins then left.
She messaged me later saying that she wasn't there because she lives in Indonesia. I live in New Jersey.
Toddler Behavior
I'd been talking to a girl for a few weeks. We went to see a movie and she starts sucking her thumb like a baby while watching the movie.
I'm thinking "weird tick I guess but okay"
Halfway through the movie she gets really emotional, drops to the floor and starts rolling around like a toddler. After about 10 minutes she gets up and acts like nothing happened, I don't know what to say at this point.
At one point during the day she starts telling me about another date she went on where she saw her friend halfway through and was speaking to her and the guy just walked off without saying bye or anything.
As she's telling me this we bump into a girl she knows, they're talking for a bit and I try to introduce myself but she cuts me off to talk about something different. They're both acting like I'm not even there, this goes on for 30 minutes. Half an hour of me just standing there as if I'm I don't know either of them while it seems like they're both actively ignoring me.
I try to say goodbye but it's literally like I'm completely invisible.
I figure at that point either she didn't like me and somehow planned this intervention from her friend to save blatant turning me down or she's just a rude person so I just walk away.
I get on the bus to go home and I get a message "hey why did you walk away?"
I was 17 at the time and it's the strangest date I've ever been on to this day.
Taco Bell Sells Coffee?
Well on one first date I had, the dude told me he used to be in a gang and killed 6 people. He then drove us into oncoming traffic, told me that there were 3 loaded guns in the car (this ride lasted at least 45 minutes there and back.)
Also, told me he was bipolar and was not taking any medication for it.
But the dealbreaker was when he stopped to get coffee at Taco Bell.
I got coffee at Taco Bell once. I was there for the cheap breakfast, but I thought I could use the caffeine. Pretty sure they just handed me a cup with like 4 shots of creamer and no coffee. It was not drinkable.
XXXtra Oh No
A guy where I worked was hitting on a girl on the lunch truck for over a month. She finally said she would go out with him. So for the first date he took her to a XXX porn show!
Aparently she excused herself to go to the bathroom after a few minutes and never came back. I felt so sorry for her, I would have been scared out of my mind to be with someone that "off".
- readit2u
My mom had this happen to her! She said no over and over to this guy, until finally she gave it a shot and said yes. He took her to a porno drive in and then tried to pretend that he hadn't known and that they should stay. She absolutely refused and pitched a huge fit so he would take her home.
SO, in the "sharing is caring" spirit, I will answer by throwing one of my weirder dating disasters out there.
In college, I went on a date with someone who ordered a pound of crab legs... and then informed me that he could not open crab legs.
I, a broke college student and expert crab leg inhaler, watched in horror as he maimed 2.5 legs before it was too much and I asked if he wanted help.
I ended up cracking them all open for him while he sat there all awkward like a little kid waiting on mommy.
Interestingly, I had a similar thing happen a second time about a year later and this time the guy asked for lessons and it ended up kinda cute/competitive. We were good friends for years.
So I don't know if there's some whack dating handbook floating around South Florida encouraging people who don't know how to open crab legs to then open crab legs ... but stop it. The book is lying to you.