First dates are terrifying. I don't care what anyone says.
They're stressful, they're awkward, they're high-pressure, and honestly, that's just me worrying about myself. Factoring in another human being and being out in public is a whole other nightmare for my anxiety.
One Reddit user asked:
What first date behavior is a dealbreaker?
... and then I suddenly realized I was so stressed about *me* being a disaster on the first date, that I forgot to factor in the possibility that the other person could potentially hop aboard the hot mess express.
The thread initially started out with people just sort of listing general dealbreakers:
Keep It Clean
smell this saturday night live GIF by HULUGiphySmelly, greasy hair, and no effort in appearance. If the first date isn't important enough for you to even shower, then how important will the relationship be to you
My roommate went out with a girl and hadn't showered in days. Then she said it wasn't going to work out with the other girl because the other girl didn't shave her legs.
... you'll notice I said things "started" with people listing the little things. But WOW did it devolve pretty quickly.
There really isn't a better way to talk about disaster first-date dealbreakers than to just share your war stories, right?
And OMG the war stories.
I Love You
Immediately starting with the "I love you" attitude...
- koravel
Had a girl tell me she thought she loved me about half way through our first date once.
I brushed it off as flirty banter then toward the end of our meal she says:
"You know how I know you love me? You didn't say that you didn't love me when I said I loved you"
and there you have the reason for no second date.
- JonWoo89
You Don't Own Me
Possessive behaviour. If this is how you act with someone you've just met, how would a relationship with you be?
On the first, and only, date i beat him at air hockey. He got super serious and in my face and told me to never talk about air hockey again...
I'm glad they make it so easy to pick them out. They almost always start on the first or second date. It's usually something small like telling you that their responsibility is to protect you or snapping when you walk the wrong way (real examples). Once they do that you can be sure that if you continue dating them they will try their hardest to ruin your life.
MLM
Taking me to a multi-level marketing seminar. (actually happened).
I did not sign up and told her afterwards I was not interested. Thank God I didn't tell her my last name or she could have easily spammed me with junk mail.
Lol, this happened to me too.
Long story short:
Girl from my high school who I hadn't seen in a few years calls me up. She said she missed me and wanted to catch up.
Let's have dinner at this hotel steakhouse, hell yeah.
We walk inside the hotel, into the conference room with tables set up. She flirts with me, I'm going to score. Hell yeah!
Some dude sites next to her, she lets me know it's her husband. Some dude gets on the stage and starts being loud, but I'm sort of not paying attention.
Guy starts screaming about how he has a Ferrarri, look at his Ferrarri keys! Sell like me and you can have a Ferrarri as well!!!! Woooo!!!
Made and excuse about going to the bathroom, walked a few miles to some other place. Called my mom, she picked me up and took me home. Lol
Monday Night Raw Sport GIF by WWEGiphyUntil people essentially gave up on just listing the dealbreaker offense and started spilling their stories.
Sharing is caring, fam.
The Wallet
Best to just relate my all-time favorite 'worst 1st date' & ultimate deal-breaker: A friend set me up on a date w/ one of her co-workers that I'd only met once at her place of employment.
The only time I had available was a Saturday right before my Yoga class, so we agree to meet up at a place I'd never eaten at. Mind you, the date who'd eaten there before, suggested a place that was near where my class was.
I show up wearing my Yoga clothes: NO POCKETS, loose-fitting sweater: NO POCKETS, and a small 4 by 5 inch fanny pack. The no pockets thing will be relevant later.
We have lunch - everything was going great. Then just before the bill arrives the date goes to the bathroom, comes back, still having a great time we finish our meal, the bill comes (50/50 split), all of the sudden the date can't find their LARGE motorcycle type wallet w/ their money in it then proceeds to accuse me of stealing it while they were in the bathroom & putting in my 'pocket'!
I stood up pointing out that I didn't have any pockets, opened my fanny pack to show other than 20 bucks, my ID and gym membership card it was too small to fit anything as big as your standard sized motorcycle wallet.
It didn't matter that I had 20 witnesses who verified that I NEVER left my seat much less the restaurant. The idiot date proceeded to throw a Kevin/Karen sized tantrum demanding to search my car, so I gave the waitress my ID then had her call the cops to escort me & the idiot out to my car and proved I did NOT have 'the wallet' or anything else in there. Idiot comes back in, cop takes a report, leaves & then Idiot proceeds to claim that the waitress and I are friends and in cahoots, that 'we' stole it & the waitress is hiding the wallet in the back. I reiterate ''You chose this place, I do not know anyone here, I've NEVER been here before!"Since, I'd only brought enough to cover my meal I ended calling my Stay-At-Home-Mother sister, to come there & lend me enough cash to cover the whole bill, skipped my Yoga Class and went home in a huff, called my friend, told her what happened - she was shocked.
Monday rolls around, idiot gets to work, opens their desk, and boom there's the wallet! Idiot call me to say I'm so sorry and wants to know if can we please have a do-over date - my response: 'OH HELL TO THE NO, Insult me by calling me a liar & a thief, stiff me w/ the full $40 bill, invade my privacy by demanding to search my car, you had your chance, you blew it & ya can rot in hell for all I care.'
Indonesia
Once, I was talking to this girl online, and things were going pretty well, so we decided to go for dinner.
I showed up to the place five minutes early, so I waited. And kept waiting.
Texted her 15 mins after we were scheduled to meet, but didn't get a response. Waited for another 45 mins then left.
She messaged me later saying that she wasn't there because she lives in Indonesia. I live in New Jersey.
Toddler Behavior
I'd been talking to a girl for a few weeks. We went to see a movie and she starts sucking her thumb like a baby while watching the movie.
I'm thinking "weird tick I guess but okay"
Halfway through the movie she gets really emotional, drops to the floor and starts rolling around like a toddler. After about 10 minutes she gets up and acts like nothing happened, I don't know what to say at this point.
At one point during the day she starts telling me about another date she went on where she saw her friend halfway through and was speaking to her and the guy just walked off without saying bye or anything.
As she's telling me this we bump into a girl she knows, they're talking for a bit and I try to introduce myself but she cuts me off to talk about something different. They're both acting like I'm not even there, this goes on for 30 minutes. Half an hour of me just standing there as if I'm I don't know either of them while it seems like they're both actively ignoring me.
I try to say goodbye but it's literally like I'm completely invisible.
I figure at that point either she didn't like me and somehow planned this intervention from her friend to save blatant turning me down or she's just a rude person so I just walk away.
I get on the bus to go home and I get a message "hey why did you walk away?"
I was 17 at the time and it's the strangest date I've ever been on to this day.
Taco Bell Sells Coffee?
Well on one first date I had, the dude told me he used to be in a gang and killed 6 people. He then drove us into oncoming traffic, told me that there were 3 loaded guns in the car (this ride lasted at least 45 minutes there and back.)
Also, told me he was bipolar and was not taking any medication for it.
But the dealbreaker was when he stopped to get coffee at Taco Bell.
I got coffee at Taco Bell once. I was there for the cheap breakfast, but I thought I could use the caffeine. Pretty sure they just handed me a cup with like 4 shots of creamer and no coffee. It was not drinkable.
XXXtra Oh No
A guy where I worked was hitting on a girl on the lunch truck for over a month. She finally said she would go out with him. So for the first date he took her to a XXX porn show!
Aparently she excused herself to go to the bathroom after a few minutes and never came back. I felt so sorry for her, I would have been scared out of my mind to be with someone that "off".
- readit2u
My mom had this happen to her! She said no over and over to this guy, until finally she gave it a shot and said yes. He took her to a porno drive in and then tried to pretend that he hadn't known and that they should stay. She absolutely refused and pitched a huge fit so he would take her home.
SO, in the "sharing is caring" spirit, I will answer by throwing one of my weirder dating disasters out there.
In college, I went on a date with someone who ordered a pound of crab legs... and then informed me that he could not open crab legs.
I, a broke college student and expert crab leg inhaler, watched in horror as he maimed 2.5 legs before it was too much and I asked if he wanted help.
I ended up cracking them all open for him while he sat there all awkward like a little kid waiting on mommy.
Interestingly, I had a similar thing happen a second time about a year later and this time the guy asked for lessons and it ended up kinda cute/competitive. We were good friends for years.
So I don't know if there's some whack dating handbook floating around South Florida encouraging people who don't know how to open crab legs to then open crab legs ... but stop it. The book is lying to you.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.