People Describe The Quickest Way They've Seen A New Manager Screw Up An Office
Why must you try and reinvent the wheel?!
Everyone has new ideas, and everyone wants to leave their mark on the world. But more often than not when some newbie manager is brought in to take over, all want to focus is a total overhaul of every possible thing. That is never a good idea folks. Yes, by all means, fine tune what's already great and search for what can be better. But let's not try and reinvent the wheel and dismantle what is working just for your ego.
Redditor u/detonatingorange wanted to hear some of the best stories about the newbies who made a mistake or two when coming into the office by asking....
What was the quickest way you've seen a new manager screw up a workplace?
The Classics.
By changing management styles - basically everyday.
The classic "my door is always open".
The "email me first before coming into my office - have you tried working this out with your peers together, first?".
The "why do you think I called you in here" after every time I tell you to come into my office
The "I don't eat lunch with any member of the team anymore as they are my subordinates now"
The "Why doesn't anyone on the team treat me the same anymore? Why don't they like me"
The "Come see me at the end of the day 'just to check in' before you leave"
The "no seriously, coming to see me is now mandatory before you leave for the day"
The "email me when you come in and when you leave everyday"
The "why'd you take a 45 minute lunch break" - whilst going to 'Walmart' for 3 hours this morning and coming back with a God Damn Chipotle cup. Moots_point
cuz why not....
My old 'new' manager jumped on the job. First manager position. Proceeded to demoralize the heck out of our entire department to the point where she literally had to call us into a team meeting to group apologize for being such a moron, in front of our GM. Then continued to be a moron cuz why not lol. Valentines450140
Hey Michael....
GiphyThe dumbest guy at my company was promoted to manager, until this day I don't know why and how. I was his direct subordinate among other colleagues. He was really fool, did no have the knowledge to work in the company. He started to arrive at 13:00 o'clock at the office, used to brag about how smart he was and how fast he become a manager.
The guy even started to use the company's vehicles which were destined for directors only. When the whole department collapsed he was just transferred to another area.
He was worst the Michael from "The Office" show. Never hated someone so much during my lifetime. Bored_npc
I was there 12 years by this point.
First time she met me she walked right past my desk and looked all over the work area to find something wrong. She started asking me if I knew how to do my job. I was there 12 years by this point. This was not an isolated incident and she acted this way to everyone. She never worked in the field but had been a manager previously. So it seemed like she was intimidated by people who knew their jobs. seriouslynothavingit
Chef Out.
GiphyI worked as a cook in a restaurant in a country setting. American food, burgers, fries, some simple seafood/steak specials. Nice food, but simple and easy to prepare and filling portions for the price.
They lost their head chef on short notice and we were chef-less for a month or two. The new guy they brought in wanted to change everything. He wanted to redesign the kitchen(which it did need and which was planned). But then he started talking about getting rid of the burgers on the menu, getting rid of the deep fryer.
Started trying to sell these little vegetarian ornately-plated small dishes for high prices. Ordering little flowery garnishes and telling the cooks they were all going to need to buy their own $50 pair of plating tweezers. Started hiring, one by one, employees from his old restaurants, creating this weird social divide between his cult followers and the existing employees who know that a hard-working farm hand will not pay $18 for some steamed beats with herb goat cheese smeared on the plate.
Not many people were very happy..
He didn't last long.
I feel a little bad for those employees who jumped ship to follow him only to be let go when he was, maybe a month later. bisteccafiorentina
"kiddo"
We had a new supervisor join us at the retail job I used to work at. His first impression on everyone wasn't great. He dressed up wayyy too much for what the job was (wearing a suit to a thrift store lol) and just kind of acted douchey. Bragged about the manager position that he had previously at a bar, which we all figured he must've been fired from. Immediately talked down to all the employees. The supervisor team lead felt iffy about him right off the bat, but the last straw was when he called her "kiddo." He didn't even last a week until we were all informed he had been let go. albertagenuinedraft
How Much?!
GiphyA former manager used their company phone as a hot spot to watch Netflix at home since they didn't have internet. This happened for their first month on the job, until the phone bill came in. Apparently, that one bill was for over $3k. MTSwagger
So, the plan was a go.
I had a manager named, we'll say Larry, when I worked for an airline. He only lasted a few months, but came in boasting about his prior experience with another company. Over time, he grew increasingly stubborn and it all culminated with one particular plan that he was convinced would "save" us by routing all of our baggage to a single conveyor belt line.
All of us supervisors--and I mean ALL of us-- explained to him that his plan was NOT going to work since we knew there were going to be 500+ bags for several flights in the span of a few hours coming down that line and we did not have the staff or the space to work on that belt and it was guaranteed to jam. We had the numbers, we had the on-the-ground experience, everything. I tried to talk him out of it in a last ditch effort since I was the one who had to physically make the change in the computer and he shut me down almost immediately.
So, the plan was a go.
It failed so spectacularly that not only did I immediately get a call and message from him on the morning of my day off (the "start" date), but his manager called me requesting that I make any necessary changes to remedy it, as well as several other high-up individuals. MegaPiglatin
Sold Out.
Worked for a company that was owned by 3 individuals who built up an incredible business over about 10 years and sold to a large national company. One of the owners was technically the manager as well and was absolutely awesome. Treated the employees very well and was probably the nicest man I've ever known.
In comes younger new corporate manager to oversee office operations. He was hired about a month before previously mentioned owner was due to leave and learn from him. On his last day as owner/manager, he went around hugging each employee and saying his goodbyes. People were legit crying over him leaving.
New manager couldn't comprehend how the employees were emotional over this. Was making awkward remarks about how silly it was. Didn't take long to realize we were now working for an insensitive corporate schill who had no soul. FlipFlopsNPorkChops
Who Fits?
The old CFO at my company worked from home, but gradually was convinced by the CEO to work more in the office. The guy was very traditional and very stern i.e. the workplace was not a place for idle chit chat, employees weren't to take many bathroom breaks, etc. We were told our attitudes were being observed.
In the span of 6 months, like 4 people had been let go for "not being a good fit". It got to the point where we felt if we didn't consciously smile and act with enthusiasm, we'd be fired. It felt like I was in a cult or something, and ended up leaving. jonahvsthewhale
Critical Fail.
GiphyCame in, took over a department, decided to get rid of people who were contractors, even if they'd been there for 3+ years. Didn't care what they did, just axed them. A month later, critical systems were failing and the people left there just shrugged. He'd axed the people who knew how those systems ran. Etgbdjkjf
The Code.
Company I used to work for got bought out a few months after I left and the new owners did something like that. "We already have the software, what do we need programmers for?" And laid off the lot of them. Middle management, who knew exactly what the code monkeys were needed for, flipped out. They were only able to rehire about half of them, and then with significant pay raises and benefits.
And worse, this place was running on this terribly antiquated architecture that nobody learns or uses anymore. People able and willing to code on it (I wasn't, which was why I left) are few and far between, and the system is so sprawling and arcane that it takes years for new hires to get the hang of it. Dyolf_Knip
Best of luck.....
I worked part time remote for a web design Bootcamp that got bought by a huge corporation. Corporation decides they don't like part timers and fires us all. I'm like "how are you gonna do all the work of like fifteen part timers with two full time staff?" I am told not to worry about it.
Six months later, I'm asked to take on ten hours of grading per week because they're hugely understaffed. Sure! I liked the job and it's easy money. But now the one full-time lecturer for this program needs time off, and they need someone to sub for him. Oops, we all have full time jobs now. Best of luck. clocksailor
Bye bye Benny....
We had a dude I'm going to here call Benny. Benny had been a corporate dude and decided he wanted to run a location instead. Corporate agreed and gave him the location I work at.
It was clear almost immediately that Benny was a helicopter manager. He would show up unexpectedly and hover. He'd nitpick. He'd ask weird questions. He'd send out lengthy rambling emails about goals he had for us as a team.
One morning as my overnight was ending, he arrived unexpectedly, pulled me into his private office, and had an hour long conversation with me where he revealed he'd been watching me and that he knew I did video editing. I was creeped the hell out, but admitted that yes, it was something I enjoyed doing periodically as a hobby, alongside a bunch of other creative pursuits. He replied that he wanted me to make a music video starring coworkers to lift the morale of the team. I replied that I'd think about it and got the heck out ASAP.
My direct supervisor revealed that she had overheard him talking about firing the entire staff and rehiring from scratch. I told my girlfriend that I was considering quitting based on how the next team meeting went.
That evening, I got an email to the tune that Benny had been forced by corporate to resign. He had been caught acting like a sociopath and that in his 1 month tenure employee morale had reached an all time low.
It's been a few years since Benny left, but I remain paranoid about him still to this day. mxmnull
Damn Disney.....
GiphyGuy gets hired as a supervisor, worked on a Disney cruise before so he thinks he knows how to run a bar. During his interview he points out to a few staff how they're doing minor things wrong.
Somehow he's hired and immediately starts making changes, getting mad whenever anyone does something other than his way. Meanwhile he's rarely seen on the floor, rather, he's in the office creating cocktail guidebooks while it's extremely busy at the bar.
Got into an argument one night where another supervisor who wasn't working at the time got a bit drunk and told him he never helps out and how everyone disliked him, he tries to get said supervisor fired. It backfires and everyone complains about him instead. This all took place in the span of a month. I quit shortly before he was fired. lockedlantern
People pushed back.
Had a manager get promoted who read a self help book about business communication and decided that is what we need. She hired them to give us a day long seminar at 8:30am-4:30pm on a Saturday. People pushed back. She responded by sending out an email that this is mandatory now and if you were going on vacation you have to show her proof of that. Then there was a couple of rambling emails about how she is trying to help us and can not believe no one would want to do this and that when her kids throw tantrums that they need guidance.
The day of the seminar the manager showed up in the morning to give us a pep talk. The person running the seminar asked if she was going to stick around today to see our progress. Manager said no because her weekends are family time with her and that is sacred to her. Then she said good bye and good luck and walked out the door.
Within weeks people were finding other jobs. In six months more than 70% of the people at that seminar were gone. Onid8870
Gone.
Worked for a brokerage/investment banking place that had sized up rapidly from the lean, mean start-up days. I was around the 100th employee. Shortly after I started they hired a full-time office manager for the first time. Her first official act was to eliminate the free Snapple in the break room to save money.
I never saw anyone become so despised so fast. EVERYONE refused to comply with her direction after that, ignored her in meetings, just generally froze her out. She was gone in a couple of months. Missus_Aitch_99
On a Break....
Our team had a 15 minute break at 10am, we always have done. Our new manager arrived and it turned out this break wasn't actually official, so he stopped it happening.
The place very quickly fell apart, it basically required people ignoring the rules to get things fixed, working into lunch was very common or staying behind a little bit late to get a job done. So when this break happened we stopped going above our job description and did it to the letter.
They had to spend a fortune calling in contractors to fix things that we had been fixing but weren't supposed to, jobs got delayed constantly because we would pack up and leave to go to our lunch breaks exactly on time, or drop a job half way through to go home exactly at finishing time. Dr_McKay
Pioneers.
We were a pioneer account. The account was a huge US telecommunications company that handed their department to be outsourced to our center, from another that screwed it up. We were excited.
For the first 6 months, we flourished, so much that the company thought it was a good idea to make our Operations Manager move to another location to get him to improve that.
So who replaced our OM? The old OM that handled the account at the other center who messed up. Basically ran the account to the ground. In less than 6 months.
Kept hiring more and more people. Only promoted people he liked. Job assignments weren't clear, people kept being reassigned. At the end we had over 500 employees, and he had to fire 300 of them because the account only needed 200.
The company suffered a lawsuit and lost the account. dambrucee810
Keep Rotating.
GiphyWe worked in teams of two on 8 hour rotating shifts. That meant there were 8 crew members in total. We split our duties between us to keep our workplace clean and properly provisioned. New manager decides to promote one in each team as a sort of supervisor. The obvious happened. The new supervisor says to his colleague that they should do x,y or z, colleague responds screw off that's what they're paying you the extra for. Ruined relationships for years. Gregormcc17
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.