Not many people can say that they've cheated death. It can happen so suddenly, and come out of nowhere, so when we escape it, it truly feels like a miracle. Here are a few stories of these miracles, told by the kind people over at Reddit.
u/indeed_indeed_indeed asked: Have you cheated death? What's your story? [Serious]
That's a good friend.
I was chatting away with a bunch of friends in high school, standing in a pedestrian-only street. Suddenly my friend's face goes blank, and she reaches out and pulls me in by my collar, without a word. A huge truck whoooshes behind me, right by, not an inch to spare. It thundered by at full speed, I didn't even hear it until it passed me.
She didn't have time to say anything or panic, just casually pulled me away from certain death. Very grateful for her quick reflexes.
They got better.
GiphyI was dead for around 6 min at the bottom of a pool and they revived me.
You are one of the few people that can actually say: "I died. But I got better."
PARKOUR!
When I was 18 years old parkour was all the rage. I climbed commercial buildings weekly with a friend. One night during a full moon we decided to climb a 12 story building under construction.
I got to the top. Jumped from an I-beam to another... except it was rounded. I slipped and fell. Instead of falling 50 meters I landed on my nuts on a post at a 45 degree angle. I slid what felt like forever backwards, further grinding my poor boys.
I may have not died but future generations may have.
Wow.
Yes! I had a massive brain hemorrhage. They said it was the biggest they had seen in my local hospital. It was 50:50 whether I would survive the night. I did survive, and that's the story of how I cheated death that one time...
My dad had multiple subdural hematomas. First day they counted 3. The second there was so many they couldn't give a count. After almost 10 years he is alive, and is still getting his meds adjusted.
Imagine almost losing your SKIN.
GiphyThere was a time where I got strep and the doctor said it had possibly progressed to a full on flesh eating disease. And if it did I was f*cked (obviously expressed in different words). Good news! I am still alive.
I got a rash on my arm that turned into what looked like acne on my arm. It tested positive for strep and i got a bunch of shots in my a** and wasn't allowed to go to school until it was gone. A few years later I learned that I was very close to losing all the skin on my body if we hadn't caught it and filled me up with antibiotics.
CW: Suicide
I'm a recovering addict, spent a little over 10 years in active opiate addiction. Towards the end of my last run I was actually trying to kill myself.. Not because I wanted to die, but because I had given up. I just wanted the mental anguish to stop. Long story short, I overdosed 13 separate occasions. I definitely consider that cheating death.. People die from an overdose literally every day in my city.
I've been sober for almost 3 years now.
That's terrifying.
I had a nephrectomy in 2013 and I woke up right before they started to remove my kidney and ripped all of my ivs out. Bled out a ton and had to have blood choppered in from Miami (I was at naval airstation Jacksonville).
Thanks, Benadryl!
GiphyHad a Brazil nut as a kid (dear parents: who gives a very young child a Brazil nut for a snack?) and immediately went into anaphylactic shock. Despite the night being fuzzy, I remember so vividly the feeling of my throat swelling and managing to say "something isn't right" before losing the ability to speak. My parents shove Benadryl down my throat and drive me to the hospital.
By my parent's account, the doctor was very, very complimentary of them for having the foresight to give me Benadryl before coming, saying I would have been dead on arrival had they not done it. I joke that we became a "Benadryl family" after that. It was in every drawer, every cabinet.
Chew carefully.
On Christmas 2017 I ate a piece of some dry meat. I was chewing and chewing it, but it was still a hunk of meat. I finally swallow and feel it just stick in my throat. I try to swallow it. Doesn't budge. I try to cough and nothing. I realize that I'm not breathing and I start panicking.
I slap my hand down on the counter to get my sisters attention and she looks at me a little funny and says "what?" I motion to my throat in the most morbid game of charades that I'm choking. She says "Oh my god, are you choking?" And runs to me and starts the Heimlich.
All I can think about is my 1 year old daughter having to grow up knowing her mom died on Christmas. I was getting light headed and finally the piece of meat is hurled out of my mouth and I'm gasping crying. I hug my sister and we're both just sobbing. It was the scariest, ugliest feeling knowing I couldn't breathe no matter how much I wanted to, needed to. Chew carefully, my friends.
Woah.
I have a rare condition that makes me prone to aneurysms. In 2018 I was helping a buddy work on a car when it felt like I was shot in the abdomen. I had my buddy take me to the ER. When I was finally seen my bp was so low they had no idea how I was still conscious. I was rushed to imaging where it was determined an aneurysm had started dissecting and I was losing blood fast.
I had a 5% chance of coming out of the surgery alive, and then 10% to even walk out of the hospital within a week.
Needless to say. I'm here
Bad pupper.
GiphyWhen I was 7 years old my friend had one of those red wagons with a handle you can pull. We had the bright idea of attaching my dog to the wagon and having him pull us around (he was a very large dog).
Soon after tying my dog's leash to the wagon, my dog takes off at full speed towards an extremely busy road with me inside the wagon. My friend chased us and grabbed the back of the wagon, stopping my dog and me from hurling ourselves into traffic.
Very lucky.
Had two horses run over me whilst I was pinned into a ditch one clipped back of my head other must have just stepped on my side, got up and walked away. No pain whatsoever was super lucky.
Appendicitis is no joke.
After being misdiagnosed with a stomach bug, I had a ruptured appendix for nearly a week. My eyes turned yellow. They finally removed it and pumped me full of an ungodly amount of antibiotics. I lived.
Very accident prone.
GiphyToo many times to count, pretty sure my guardian angel is facepalming itself saying "Not again" after every incident.
The most note worthy:
Dropped 6 meters from an oak I was climbing, hitting every branch possible on the way down. Survived with a mild concussion and a few bend ribs.
Have been hit by more cars that I care to count. The worst was probably when I t-boned a car with my bike, he ran a red light, and got flipped over its roof and landing on a street sign on the other side.
Oh and for non freak accidents. Survived two bouts of cancer between the ages 19-25.
That's why those things are banned in the US.
In my early teens I was eating a kinder surprise chocolate. I guess my mouth was already dry but the choc stuck and closed off my throat, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't reach the water bottle in the cup holder. The other 4 people did not notice me. I got the attention of my sister but she did not clue in to my pointing to the water bottle or my gasping for air. I was getting close to blacking out before I was able to finally gasp out "water". At the last second someone gave me the water bottle.
At 17 I sped 175km/h in the oncoming down a bumpy country road to pass another car who was already doing 110. The other car sped up, the van I was driving was maxed. A car came in the oncoming lane, I'm lucky the other car slowed down so I could get over at the last second. Never again.
Reddit user Janine_18 asked:
"What's the one thing you'll never tell your SO?"
Love/Hate Relationship
"She loves her siblings and hates her parents."
"I hate her siblings and love her parents."
"They were very tight with their parents for the first 3 years of our relationship, and in 2017-2018 all hell broke loose so to say. My partner has no personal animus towards her parents, she is however extremely close to her older sibling who has a heap of problems with their parents."
"My partner follows their lead and it guides her own relationship with their parents. And the reason her siblings have huge problems with their parents is that they retired, moved 20(!) whole minutes away from their childhood home and went on a vacation for a month.
"They are apparently 'selfish', 'inconsiderate', and 'don’t think of themselves as parents'. This despite the fact that they call and visit for every holiday, birthday, promotion, celebration of any kind. Dog and babysit. Frequently host. Communicate well."
"No the absolute truth is that my partner's siblings are black holes and not great."
"Would 'I radically dislike your one sibling and don’t trust the other at all” be a viable middle ground?'."
~ Agreed_fact
Sweet Tooth
"A few years ago, my girlfriend put a candy bowl in our hallway at our apartment for Halloween. She came home that day to discover that nobody took any candy, and she was a little bummed."
"Over the course of that week, I'd take candy out before work or when she was asleep."
"She got so happy that 'the neighbors loved the candy'. She does this every year now, and I have to continuously swipe the candy and pretend it is the neighbors."
"It makes her happy, and I get free candy. Win win."
~ AlecsWebHair
GiphyIn It For the House
"That I know she cheated on me and the only reason I haven't left her is because the mortgage interest rates are a bit high so I can't comfortably buy her half of the equity we have in the house."
"I got a valuation, a mortgage pre-approval, and a lawyer all ready to go... But would only have about $21 per week to spare... I'd be screwed the first time a major appliance or the car breaks down..."
~ H_He_Metals
Mommy Dearest
"That her mother is a bad person in disguise of a caring and beloved figure."
~ Relative_Rich8169
"My pet name for my girlfriend is Bambi."
"She thinks it's because has big brown eyes, but really it's because I want to shoot her mother with a rifle."
~ airblizzard
Giphy"That's my mother in law. For her daughter, she'll do anything... to the point that it's overbearing and controlling and difficult to deal with."
"And for everyone else, she is one of the least empathetic people I've ever met..."
"She CRIED when Rush Limbaugh died, and she literally said the Proud Boys are like the Boy Scouts. But she'll drop $2,000 on Christmas presents for one person like it's nothing, so she thinks she's owed respect and kind words."
"I literally had to tell her at one point, 'If you want me to stop calling you a Nazi, buying me more presents or arguing with me isn't going to do it, you have to stop saying Nazi-friendly sh*t'. But she didn't stop, of course."
"She thought COVID was no big deal until a family member died of it."
"She also makes tons of snide comments about my work. I'm a lawyer in Big Law, I make great money but it's soul sucking and I never wanted to do this forever, I want to work for the government."
"She'll see a postal worker and say 'That'll be you one day, government worker, not a great way to provide for my daughter'."
"Her daughter, my wife, is a DOCTOR who is going to make more than I do no matter what job I work, and she herself is a dentist who worked until her banker husband could retire at the same time as her."
"She talks sh*t about how I made her daughter an atheist (I didn't, she did that on her own), but she herself has NEVER read the Bible and hasn't been to church in 20 years."
"She unironically believes in aliens, Big Foot, and ghosts, and thinks she saw Mother Mary in the sky."
"All the bad things I tend to think about Republicans (they don't care about an issue until it personally affects them, they have no standards except double standards, they use religion as a cudgel but don't actively live a spiritual life, they believe insane sh*t with zero evidence, they're old fashioned and judgy and can't accept that the world is changing around them, etc...) is her to the letter."
~ 2Charming-Fig-2544
Magic the Retirement Fund
"How much my Magic the Gathering collection is worth."
"They'll absolutely try to get me to sell some of it."
"It's my precious."
~ Ganthamus_prime
GiphyFirst Impressions
"When he and I first met, I was CERTAIN he was gay."
"He is very much NOT gay."
"And he will NEVER know I ever thought this."
~ ShinyIrishNarwhal
No Llama Drama
"When me and my wife first started dating, I had a dumb canvas painting with a llama and rabbit on it that I found at Walmart. I showed it to her and told her how much I loved it just because it was just such a dumb random thing to find."
"For some reason she took that as I love llamas and that they are my favorite animal. So now, every time she sees one or something with a llama on it I see her brighten up to show me and I get excited with her!"
"Llamas are not my favorite animal. Never have been. I don’t know how she made this connection, but i will never tell her otherwise because seeing her face light up every time is way better."
~ WhereTheChapstickAt
GiphyRelationship by Google
"I spend a couple hours doing research on how to make relationships work and keep her happy in the long run."
"She thinks I'm this awesome perfect guy but I just do what the internet tells me."
~ BadRobot___
Chemical Warfare
"He thinks I don’t fart around him because I’m too shy or polite."
"It’s really because they are so bad they could kill a horse."
~ Neonpantsuit
GiphyAre There Raisins?
"I don't like the potato salad she makes, and she always tries to make it as a treat for me."
"It's my mom's recipe, but doesn't taste like mom's."
~ Bean_Juice_Brew
*yawn* 🥱
"The spot you make me sleep in on the bed is uncomfortable but I lay there because you're comfortable where you are."
~ legacyrisky
GiphyConfessions
"We’re both in college, and last semester we both had a cold at some point. He had it much, much worse than I did, so I went to class and he skipped."
"Afterwards, I went to his dorm to share notes and take a nap. I was almost asleep, and I’m assuming he thought I was, because I felt him squeeze me and whisper, 'I love you so f**king much'.”
"It was the sweetest thing ever and I’m never telling him I know he did that."
~ scorpiomooon
Maybe a Farm Upstate?
"I definitely didn't kill that massive spider, and I have no idea where it went."
~ Cothak88
GiphySo, these weren't too awful, right?
What secrets are you keeping?
People's Wildest 'WTF Is Wrong With You?' Experiences
We all have that moment where someone we know says something so completely absurd, the only response we think of is 'WTF is wrong with you?'
Sometimes, it's something woefully inaccurate that you can't wrap your head around the fact that someone believes that.
Othertimes, it's something completely offensive and you regret your association with that person.
My college roommate was a girl I knew from my high school. I didn't know her too well, but we had some big things in common, so I figured it'd be fun to live with her.
This girl was half-Korean and talked a lot about racist people. At first, I let her rant, figuring maybe she or someone in her family faced some racism. I faced some myself, and I agreed with most of the things she said about racists. Eventually, however, I realized she was equating the word 'racist' with the word 'white.'
I spoke to her once, telling her she can't use 'racist' and 'white' interchangeably. She agreed to stop doing that, but within a few days, she started doing it again. She was a very bright girl, so I was a little concerned about this, especially since her own dad was white and was possibly the nicest man in the world. Not to mention, this made her and her siblings half-white too. Did that mean they were all half-racist?
I stuck by her for a while, but when she started saying things about what she wanted to do to racist people (once again using the word 'white' instead of 'racist'), I realized I couldn't be around her anymore. She couldn't talk about anything else after a while, and every time she spoke, I wanted to say, 'WTF is wrong with you?'
We did not room together the next year.
Redditors have stories similar to mine (and some even crazier), and they are eager to share.
It all started when a Redditorasked:
How To End A Friendship
"In college I used to kill time between classes hanging out with a guy who was from the same redneck county as myself. We didn’t really have much else in common, but he was nice enough and seemed eager to socialize so I figured why not. I wasn’t overly social myself and didn’t know a whole lot of people."
"One day we decided to go somewhere off-campus, and he drove us. While driving, on an interstate mind you, he proceeds to show me his handgun that he kept in his truck - not in a menacing way, but in a “Ain’t that cool?” way."
"I was not immediately frightened, but I respect firearms enough to recognize we are going like 60-70mph on an interstate in daylight, and nothing good can happen in this scenario. I calmly asked him to put it away because I was not comfortable in this situation at all. He then tells me “Oh it’s not loaded” and presses the gun to his head before pulling the trigger."
"Thank f**k he was right, but still it was a wild and frightening display of reckless disregard for his own life and mine for that matter in the event that he’d accidentally killed himself while driving us. I didn’t hang out with him much after that, certainly didn’t get in a car with him."
– omjf23
"“It’s not loaded” famous last words of many an idiot."
– GloInTheDarkUnicorn
The Worst Kind Of People
"When my dad was in the nursing home, they weren't running certain expenses, like ambulance rides, through his insurance. When I took over his financials, he was tens of thousands in medical debt that shouldn't have ever been charged to him in the first place. He was in numerous collections, and his credit score was tanked."
"When I complained to the nursing home director, he said, "Well, it's not like he's going to be buying a house or a car!" Then he laughed."
"My dad was paralyzed from the waist down and needed lifelong care, so he was never going to leave the nursing home. Even though he was technically correct, I gave him the "WTF is wrong with you look." Then I complained to HIS boss and he got canned a couple a weeks later. My dad's insurance was fixed pretty quick, too."
– MNWNM
"“Sorry, what was funny about that? Could you please explain.”"
– v3n0mat3
...Seriously?
"MIL told my wife she should divorce me bc I googled whether a lasagna should be covered with foil while cooking."
– Struggle-Silent
"This is my first laugh of the thread lmao wtf."
– koreantrvp
"It actually ruined this entire trip. It was at my BIL’s wedding, which was only close family (siblings + parents) and they had the caterer make a lasagna for an evening dinner."
"Father of the bride was gonna pop it in the oven and asked if it should be covered. I googled lasagna cooking instructions and said yes it should be covered and cooked at this temp. MIL said absolutely not!"
"Me and the father of the bride kinda gave each other a look and he covered it. MIL was furious and texted my wife that I was an a hole and she should divorce me before we had kids."
– Struggle-Silent
Hostile Work Environment
"Boss at old job told the team we needed to ‘get used to a healthy level of conflict, fear and anxiety in the workplace.’ I dipped so fast after that."
– Prestigious-Energy69
"Similarly, a boss told me that I owed him my loyalty because he was paying me."
– Kylearean
How To End A Relationship
"A girl I was with while we were still together just looked at me while I was driving to her house and said.” You know I would get over you faster than you’d get over me” I was like …… Tf did you just say?"
– omega91301
"Huh. And just like that I'm over you."
– Pineapple_Spenstar
"Honestly, that would absolutely do it for me. When I was younger, I would be stupid and hurt and argue. I'm past 50 and I got no time for that nonsense."
– Terpsichorean_Wombat
There Are Other Ways To Stave Off Boredom
"I was DD for some buddies who wanted to go to a particular dance club in Baltimore. They're all hammered, it's too loud and we've been there for several hours. Casually an older woman next to me chats me up and notices my eyes are nearly crossing from boredom. I explained what I was doing there and casually (stupidly) mentioned I'm a bit bored. This psycho BITES ME on the chest! Afterward says "Well ya ain't bored now, are ya??""
– Mike7676
"Well, were you bored after that?"
– DontWannaSayMyName
"I must say, I was not!"
– Mike7676
That Goes Both Ways!
"I'm a man who works with kids, and when I started this job, I was talking to one of my old coworkers about how every once in a while I'll get weird looks for being a man working with kids and my coworker said I deserved it because some men can't be trusted with kids. I was shocked and she went on to say that I did it to myself and deserve to be questioned about it. I immediately stopped talking to her."
– Dolhedew
"What? What in the actual f**k? Doesn’t she know there are women who can’t be trusted with kids?"
– Anonymoosehead123
That Escalated Quickly
"The lady that accused my kids of cutting the line. (They hadn't, I was watching). When I went to ask her what was wrong, she told me to go back to my own country with that sh*t. (I was born in Massachusetts.)"
"The line was to pet dogs at a Renaissance Fair."
– pasafa
Everything All At Once
"While alone with a coworker, he told me that "women in the work place will lead to the decay of the fabric of society" to me. A woman. He also asked me out, got an attitude when I didn't say yes and continues to walk around with huge incel energy. He always complains that he has no one to go home to yet refuses to look at himself as a possible reason."
– Nopeferatu31
"Sounds like they should learn something from the phrase, "if you meet one a**hole, they're the a**hole. If everyone you meet is an a**hole, you're the a**hole.""
– tmpope123
Ouch!
"I told a coworker my wife had died."
"Her response: "You're one of those bald middle aged guys with a dead wife.""
"Me: "Yeah.""
– WalrusCello
"I want to think this was a wholesome thought that came out wrong. An awkward attempt at dark humor."
– ThisUsernameIsTook
*Cringing*
"Had an otherwise normal co-worker who was completely convinced windmills will cause the earth to stop spinning."
– Shadowmant
"WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!"
– Torvaun
These are all crazy 'WTF is wrong with you' stories, but that last one blew my mind in 'how is it possible people think that could be true' sort of way!