I've injured myself so many times in the most innocuous ways, it's a freaking miracle I'm still breathing. I've caused myself the most harm when trying to perform theatrics to music in the shower, on the train, in my bedroom. I have to frequently remind myself that I'm not Beyoncè. Other times just walking down the street can be a death sentence, even when being completely alert. You never know what may fall from the sky to trip you. We really all should live in a bubble.
Danger Hoursthe ice pirates shaving GIF by Warner ArchiveGiphy
Trying to clean the facial hair out of my razor, I sliced one of my finger tips slightly open.
Less than a second later and irritated with blood dripping onto the sink, I quickly attempted to the clean the rest of the razor exactly same the same way with my next finger, resulting in another slight slicing.
In my defense, it was very early in the morning and I wasn't yet a coffee drinker at that point in my life.
Put a knife into a slingshot to shoot my buddy in the butt. Believe it or not, there was no ill will involved. The idea popped into my head and my fourteen year old brain thought, 'Holy crap, that sounds hilarious!'
Fortunately, the knife slipped and completely opened up the space between my thumb and forefinger. Internal stitches, external stitches and a thing that held my hand in place for a while.
I felt dumb, it hurt badly, but at the end of the day I'm so happy I hurt myself instead of doing some serious damage to someone else because I wasn't thinking things through.
A Bumpy Slumber
I've told this story before, but here's once more.
I was sleeping one afternoon, and all my weight had fallen on my arm. As a result, my arm fell asleep too and got dead numb.
The phone started ringing and the sound somehow blended in my dream, causing me to dream about a fire alarm going off. I got panicked in my sleep and that panic continued when I realized that the ringing wasn't just in my dream, it was happening for real. So I popped up, sleepy and confused, and started running towards the source of the noise.
Comically enough, my arm was so numb that it was beyond my control and was flailing randomly by my side, crashing onto nearby walls and furniture as I was running towards the sound. It was like running with a jelly-like arm - think what happened to Harry Potter in HP and the Chamber of Secrets when Lockhart deboned his arm accidentally.
Anyway, I don't know which of the billion crashes and bumps was the one that did the job, but that's how I dislocated my pinky. It was a good hit and my finger stood at a really weird angle afterwards, so I had to go to the doctor to put it back in its place. Hurt like a *itch too.
Lean Inoh no fire GIFGiphy
I was baked and baking and couldn't see the meat thermometer, so I leaned in and grilled my face a bit, I still look a bit like John Marston.
The first few weeks of boot camp I was still learning to shave properly (I turned 18 while I was there and only had a bit of chin fluff). My face wasn't used to daily shaving and I started getting this really itchy dry crusty skin around my chin. We'd also been issued ultra fine grain sandpaper for polishing the brass parts of our ceremonial uniforms. I had the bright idea to smooth my face out with it one morning, which actually worked really well. Took the dry itchy skin right off.
And a few layers underneath, which didn't hurt at the time but stung like hell about 30 minutes later during a dress inspection. And was apparently really visible because the parts I'd polished were swollen, red, and slightly bleeding. The drill staff were (in a way) impressed since no one else had sandpapered their own face before, so I guess I hold some sort of record in that regard.
I was cutting a wire tie off a couch a month ago and stabbed myself in the wrist with a steak knife. Got a tetanus shot after that one.
Okay edit since this apparently is getting attention: I got the TDAP shot from my local pharmacy and it didn't hurt that much. It was a $400 couch from Wayfair for my grandmother. And I was not cutting toward myself I was cutting straight forward but the force I used sent my right hand towards my left one in a weird hard to describe with just text way. It was a sucky day.
Working overnights years ago. Had gotten home and threw a TV dinner in the oven. Sat down and was watching a movie. Couple hours later I'm still sitting there watching tv and I think "Man I'm hungry... I should make myself a OMG my food!" Luckily there was no fire and the smoke wasn't bad until I opened the oven. The tray was shriveled and everything was little black chunks of coal. I didn't injure myself that time but just another dummy thing I've done in a long line of dumba**ery.
The Body Says NO!Back Pain GIF by memecandyGiphy
I destroyed my back putting on socks one morning. I couldn't move without spasms for over a week.
To be fair, I had done a lot of snow blowing and shoveling in the prior days but the socks were the last straw for my back, apparently.
For the love of Ice Cream
So my son wanted me to open his ice cream bar. You know the good humor ones on the stick. I was standing next to the kitchen table. I dropped the ice cream and when I moved my hands down to catch it I hit the top corner of the chair with my wrist. Broke two bones in my wrist and spent weeks in a cast. I caught the ice cream though.
15 Feet Belowmeek mill falling GIFGiphy
I fell about 15 feet off a balcony while in university and trying to hit on a girl.
Was very drunk and didn't realize how thin the railing was. Got "Hey..." out and over I go. Got my arm caught in the bars on the way down, messed up my shoulder, and landed on my hands and face. Broke or sprained all of my fingers.
Not a good night for this guy.
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In order to live a happy, healthy life, it's important to look to the future and leave your past behind you.
Even so, very few people don't find themselves laying awake in bed at night, or ferociously chopping vegetables in their kitchen feeling resentful, or holding a grudge from something in their past.
Losing a lead role in a school play, not making varsity, being excluded from a birthday party everyone else was invited to.
No matter how long ago it was, it's still hard to shake off the feeling of disappointment and anger you felt at the time.
For some, the bitterness is. like a pot of tea, and only grows stronger the longer it steeps.
Redditor xefarar565 was curious to hear the things people still can't quite get over, leading them to ask:
"What are you STILL salty about?
When The Teacher Was Wrong
"In a 5th grade science test the question was, 'are there any stars in the solar system'."
"I answered, 'yes'.
"Teacher marked it wrong."
"I went up afterwards and said, 'What about the Sun?'"
"He said, he meant that all the other stars are not in our solar system and kept it marked wrong."
"Although I am harboring this for 50 years now, he was all-around one of the best teachers I ever had and just passed away a week or so ago."
"But damn, that should have been marked 'right'."- tres_chill
"On a fourth grade math test we had to make a shape that had only four sides, one set of parallel lines, and only ONE right angle."
"There were probably more requirements but I cant remember."
"I remember almost crying at my desk and spending 20 minutes on that one question while constantly telling my teacher that it wasn't possible but according to her it was."
"And the next day we went over the answer key, and the answer had two right angles."- Gloomy_CowPlant·
"In fourth grade English class (EU) I've used the word 'gross' in a random sentence we had to write."
"The teacher argued that it isn't a real word, I said that it is, that I saw it a few times in video games and movies and she said that they aren't a reliable source."
"I said to her that I'm gonna show it in the dictionary, but she instead grabbed me by the arm and took me out of the classroom and locked the door."
"To this day I am still fuming about this."
"And then she had the nerve to be all chummy when I met her once in a supermarket."
"In both cases it was meant like 'disgusting' and I know there are even more meanings behind the word."
"I wonder if she knows by now."- kuroishi_xSeason 8 Teacher GIF by FriendsGiphy
"When I was in high school someone tagged up the school."
"They announced there would be a reward for anyone who rats anyone out."
"I get called in the office and find out I’m suspended for vandalization."
"I didn’t do it and had no idea who."
"4 days later I’m allowed to come back to school because they found who actually did it."
"I just got an apology."- Imlouwhoareyou
When Nobody Believes You
"Me and some others in primary school were saying the biggest numbers we knew of."
"Everybody was saying like 100 thousand and a million and then I'm like 'a trillion'."
"And they refused to believe it was a real number."- Jhyanisawesome
When Parents Don't Believe You
"When I was in high school, I was occasionally allowed to drive my family's third car."
"It had a slow leak in one of the tires, so we were all supposed to check the pressure and put air in it if we needed to."
"I picked up a friend to go to a movie, and when we came out one tire was completely flat."
"It wasn't the one with the leak, so I put the spare on and drove home."scolding in trouble GIF by Archie ComicsGiphy
"I got absolute hell from my parents about it."
"How irresponsible I was to not check it, I'd have to pay for the repair, why didn't I call roadside assistance, etc."
"Took it to get fixed, repeat the whole lecture as we're dropping it off, and the tech who did it called my mom and told her he'd found a nail in the tire and there was no way I could have seen it coming."
"She refused to apologize and I still had to pay for it."- EradiKate
Huge Fee For A Crappy Job
"Being charged $1000 for a battery an alternator change."
"They also destroyed my starter motor in the process and rounded a bunch of my bolts."
"They left tools in the engine bay."
"I don't even have that car anymore and I'm still salty."
"F*ck you Midas!"- funkyjiveturkey
Undervalued At Work
"3 months ago I went on maternity leave."
"The woman hired to cover for me was being paid 3 dollars more than I'm currently paid."
"She was going to be kept on as a full time accounting assistant after I returned, but she couldn't keep up with my daily tasks and completely fucked up several databases that I had to correct when I returned to work the following month."
"When I asked for a raise, they offered me .50 after telling me how crucial I am to the structure of the company."
"Needless to say, I'm looking for a new job."- chumbokoshSeason 3 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy
It sometimes feels like it's impossible to get a bitter taste out of our mouth.
That's when we remember how in every recipe, you'll likely need a little bitterness to offset the sweet, salty and sour.
So, rather than stew in our anger and resentment, maybe take a minute to really think about how we somehow grew from these otherwise awful situations.
Try as I might, I just can't get into the Kardashians. I think most of us are tired of them, actually.
But their fanbase is massive and they are pretty much the American version of the royal family. They wouldn't have attained that status without a legion of loyal fans who eat up everything they do, contributing to a massive collective social media following.
But fans of the Kardashians are just the most high-profile fanbase you might know about.
There are others you might not be so keenly aware of.
People told us all about them after Redditor dominique4thewin asked the online community:
"What’s the stupidest thing that has a large fan base?"
"Convince one depressed powerful person..."
"Scientology. Convince one depressed powerful person that you have something to offer them, get them to spill some dark stuff about themselves and other powerful people, leverage that into convincing another powerful person you have something to offer them, repeat."
Their buildings are enormous. Their offices in New York in California are as imposing as you think but the number of Scientologists is on the decline.
"I find it a bit weird..."
"I find it a bit weird that politicians seem to have fans rather than supporters."
Usually it's not about the person but the ideas they hold (or say they hold).
"The Kardashians. Many celebrities in general. They shouldn't be worshipped like they are."
Celebrities need us more than we need them.
"Influencers. I feel like small time niche group influencers aren’t a problem. They’re great for backpacking, as an example, where they test out the gear and give the pros/cons. It’s when they start to sell their endorsements to the highest bidder."
Don't get me started.
Sell, sell, sell. That's what they do.
"Flat earth. How many are actual believers vs people just 'joking' though? I have only met one actual flat earther in my life."
Oh, there are a lot. And there are entire documentaries about them.
"The fan in my bedroom. The base is ridiculously big for the size of the fan and it takes up too much room and I trip on it almost every morning getting ready in the dark."
I see what you did there.
Mine has a smaller base and yet I still manage to trip over it.
"Moms exploiting their children for money and popularity."
The number of parents who have monetized their own children for social media is too damn high.
90 Day Fiance
"The 90 Day Fiancé Universe (which is a thing thanks to their billion spinoffs)."
Technically we're all living in the 90 Day Fiance universe.
"YouTube reaction videos. They're awful."
I just don’t see appeal to reaction videos. It is always fake super over the top reactions.
"I'm not talking about..."
"ASMR - I'm not talking about rain sounds or even a softly spoken story being told or something. What I'm referring to is a moderately attractive Japanese woman slurping down a bowl full of jelly an inch away from a microphone. Yuck!"
It takes all kinds I guess. Not sure how any of that is remotely appealing.
One thing is for sure: After reading all of these, you're bound to see that there is something out there for everyone.
Have observations of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
Life is moving so fast.
Everytime we get used to something it seems like it evolves and we have to learn more.
I miss CD's. Spotify confuses me.
AOL chat rooms were simple. What the H*LL is Discourse? Or Discontent?
I miss TV just being on channels in the box.
There are so many apps I have cold sweats.
And I can just tap my credit card and pay for things?
It's too much.
But all the things I learned will soon be gone.
Like the OG Toys 'R Us.
Time to say farewell...
Redditor Substantial-Young-85 asked:
"What will die with millennials?"
Remember when cars were driven by people?
That's going the way of the horse and buggy.
"I once tried to explain the my niece that phones used to be wired to walls. She's ten (she was six at the time) cell phones are all she's ever known. Among the reasons she guessed as to why they were 'tied' to walls: To stop people from stealing them."
N_WhoPhone Call Dancing GIF by Crissy ConnerGiphy
"Memory of life without internet."
"When I was a kid, we didn't have the internet."
"I remember asking our son one time if he knew how much tablet time I git when I was a kid (he was complaining that he was t getting enough). He guessed 2 hours. I told him 0, because the internet, let alone tablets, weren't really a thing yet. He looks confused and mystified."
Looked it Up?
"Remembering someone’s phone number."
"Still have my 3 best friends numbers memorized, when I haven't needed to use that info for 15+ years, as well as most of my family. Intentionally memorized my boyfriend's in case there's an emergency and I don't have my phone."
"I know my parents' home number and a few friends from high school's telephone numbers. I do not know my wife's telephone number and when I do need it I always look it up on my phone."
"Dubbing cassettes and burning your own mix on CD."
"Ahhhh, waiting by the radio for an hour for them to play your favorite song. You push record at just the right moment. Song plays! Only for the DJ to talk over the last 30 seconds. Sigh. Memories."
"Or somewhere yells into the basement or your room. Followed by “I AM TRYING TO RECORD A TAPE!"
"3.5 inch floppy discs."
"I have a sealed 5 pack box of those in my room, wonder how much they are worth nowadays."
Floppy what? Even I barely remember those. LOL.
"Watching 'whatever was on.' Everything is always on now, you don’t stumble into an interesting (or awful) show because it’s the only thing mildly interesting on TV."
ChefJeff7777777television fashion GIF by DenyseGiphy
"that's not right surely"
"A coworker and I were talking a while ago and we started thinking/ talking about how the general population (not the ones going to school for it or people truly interested) most younger and older people don't understand a lot about computers. If it's not app, most people aren't really sure how to get to it on a computer."
"I thought, 'that's not right surely' but when trying to get a younger coworker (different dept) to add a printer he literally asked me "wheres the app I can't find it to add the printer" and I just like stared into the middle distance for a sec before just doing it for him. It was like navigating a computer wasn't something he'd done in his life."
"And he's only like 4 years younger than me. He's glued to a cell phone too so I was like yeah ok this guy should know. Nope. This is only one example though. However, when I really stop and think about it, the window from late 80s-00s were really the testing phase for home computers and most to all websites. So navigating them, learning basic code (OG, Myspace people)."
"And just figuring out computer language (not code just the terms) for normal people... really ended when cell phones became more popular. But it feels weird to have to explain stuff to someone younger than me while simultaneously doing the same thing when they are older. It's kinda frustrating tbh but mostly just mind boggling."
"Playing multi-player video games with split screens in one room."
"Eeehh split screens will probably be a thing forever I mean if Nintendo is still strong and going in the 2080s then we will still have Mario Party."
"We used to do LAN parties. You could hook up to 4 Xboxes to each other any play a couple of people on each one. It was great. Cords running everywhere, but 4 Xboxes running at once mad for some fun times. You'd constantly be yelling back and forth between rooms and mom would lose it."
"Knowledge of pre-digital life. An appreciation for sending and receiving letters in the mail. As Arcade Fire put it, we used to wait. Memory of the USA pre 9/11. Using maps and Thomas Guides for road trips. Guys, I’m so old I remember the first time my dad used MapQuest to print out directions for a cross country trip, and how novel it seemed at the time."
"Apparently using a Haynes or a Chilton’s manual to work on your car. I hate using YouTube videos for car maintenance, but it looks like that’s all I have left."
RandomGovtEmployeeconfused season 2 GIF by Blunt TalkGiphy
I'm feeling a bit nostalgic. Oh the memories...
What do we writers always say?
The truth is far stranger than fiction.
When we watch a movie there is constantly a scene where people are like... "THAT could never happen!"
Well it could and it has.
And there is more truths and facts throughout life just like fiction.
There is so much more to learn beyond science classes in school.
Wikipedia has educated us all.
Truth is truth.
So let's hear some facts that'll surprise us.
It's been so long.
Redditor Aden_Elvis77 asked:
"What is something that most people won’t believe, but is actually true?"
I am not a "knowing extra facts person," so I'm here to be schooled.
"Think of an apple as the Earth. Human beings have never dug past the skin layer."
"Think PF balloon filled with water. Just imagine the water is molten lava."
ffsudjatSilence Of The Lambs Skin GIF by Death Wish CoffeeGiphy
"Humpback whales will turn on their back and let seals jump on their stomachs to save them from orcas because they freaking hate orcas."
"Edit: Just because this got attention, here are some fun sources..."
Age is only a #
"The guy who played the villain in Karate kid 3 (Terry Silver , Thomas Ian Griffith) is actually 7 months younger than Ralph Macchio, (Daniel LaRusso). It’s weird because the karate kid was still supposed to be under 18 and the villain was supposed to have fought in Vietnam."
"Hollywood age is really weird. Sean Connery was only 12 years older than Harrison Ford, but played his noticeably older father in Indiana Jones."
"He's in the latest couple of seasons of Cobra Kai and I would not have guessed that. Good fact!"
"The average blood pressure of a giraffe is around 300/190. They need to have a high BP to get the blood all the way up the neck to profuse the brain with oxygen. I am thoroughly impressed by their cardiovascular system."
"They also have a specific mechanism to not let their brain explode from too much blood pressure when they lower their head to drink. Truly fascinating creatures."
"Komodo dragons usually reproduce sexually, but females in captivity have been known to reproduce by parthenogenesis, without the need for sperm."
Dusty_Rollerdragon spinner GIFGiphy
I really have no interest in anyone or anything's sex life but mine.
Read the label...
"There would be a lot more ancient Egyptian mummies if we didn’t grind most of them up to paint with or… eat."
"Victorians be whack. Mummy brown was a very popular paint pigment for the time, creating a rich brown color that couldn’t easily be replicated, and eating bits of mummies (mixed into other things mind you, it was considered a medicine and not a food) was thought to possibly cure diseases. Probably had 0 scientific backing behind it even back in the day but trendy rich people are trendy rich people no matter the era."
MadameCatDance Dancing GIF by Scooby-DooGiphy
"Anne Frank, Martin Luther King, and Barbara Walters were all born in the same year."
"C.S. Lewis and Aldous Huxley died on the same day, but it didn't really make the news because the day was 11/22/1963 and it was also the day JFK was shot."
"It's wild that Anne Frank or MLK might still be alive today if they hadn't been killed by oppressive right-wing regimes. Makes you wonder what we're missing out on."
"Almonds are from the peach family."
"Cashews, pistachios, and mangos are related to poison ivy. If you are extremely sensitive to poison ivy you may also react to the others. Mango skin can cause the ‘mango mouth’ rash and cashews for example can give you a terribly itchy bu**hole."
"If done right, marzipan (made from almonds) and persipan (made from peach seeds) almost taste the same."
Over the Water
"The shortest commercial flight in the world lasted 57 seconds. It was a Loganair flight between two Scottish islands, Westray and Papa Westray. It was recorded the shortest commercial flight, with the distance of 1.7 miles."
"It’s actually quite necessary. There are too few people living there to build bridges, and the seas are too rough for ferries, so the only real option is to use planes. As for the planes themselves, the ones operating the flight are tiny DHC-6 Twin Otters, which don’t use that much fuel relative to larger airliners."
Pieces of Rain
"Humans can smell some components of the smell of rain (the geosmin part of petrichor, specifically) far better than sharks can small blood in water. We are very very sensitive to it."
"Edit: thank you all for enjoying this fact I really like reading all your replies and I’m learning even more about this. Now go own people in trivia! Science is awesome! Thank you for the premium/gold whoever did that!"
Well that was entertaining. I knew I loved rain.