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People Confess Why They Regret Having Children

Sometimes it wasn't the best idea to have a child. Sometimes, you've done yourself and the baby a disservice.

That's a hard pill to swallow. We all want to do our best and be the best parents we can, but if we aren't mentally equipped to take on that psychological responsibility, we can end up doing more damage.

Can we freely admit that?


u/marius0601 asked:

Parents who regret having children, why do you regret it and how do you handle it?

Here were some of those questions.

Love Misdirected

I had a child very young. I got married at 17, pregnant at 18, gave birth at 19. He'll be 32 this year.

I wanted him for all the wrong reasons. I had a horrible family and I wanted someone to love me. Someone of my own.

As soon as I had him, I sat in a rocking chair for two weeks and cried. Because, what had I done? What had I been thinking? The weight of responsibility fell heavily on my shoulders. I couldn't take care of a baby. I couldn't even take care of myself. And I had picked a horrible partner to have him with.

Despite all this, I loved my son very much. I used to say that if they could guarantee me that I'd get the same kid, and that I wouldn't miss him, I'd have waited a few years longer before having him.

My relationship with my son to this day isn't what I want it to be. I wish we were closer. I wish I'd been a better mom. I wish I hadn't dragged him through all my drama with men during his developmental years. He deserved much better than what he got. My decisions hurt him.

Now that I'm older and somewhat have my sh!t together, I wish I'd had more kids. I'd be a much better mother now that I have done things figured out. Of course that's not possible. We only get one shot at life, there are no do overs.

speecyspicymeatball

Multi-Tiered

It's not that I don't love my kids, but I am a terrible parent. I was diagnosed bipolar 7 or 8 years ago and the illness has gotten worse over time. I told my wife that if I knew then what I know now, I would have never had children. Because its not fair to them.

dontlookback76

Before I Was Even Born

I'm the kid in this situation. My mom was married with 3 kids, my dad was 17. I was conceived on his 18th birthday.

My maternal grandparents hated me for ruining their daughter's life by my birth. And told her to give me to my paternal grandparents to save her marriage. She did. Her marriage still failed within the first year of my birth.

I was raised by my paternal grandparents as my dad didn't know how to be a father. He eventually got his shit together and went on to live his life. Got married and divorced, now married again.


I grew up with my grandparents and had an okay life. When I was 10 my biomom "which is what I refer to her as, as my real mom is my grandmother." Tried to have me in her life. I visited for 5 summers in a row and I never liked it at her place. Apparently I used to cry when I was younger but as I grew up I realized she was the only one trying to have a relationship, my half siblings loathed me, as I was the reason their dad was gone.

I'm 29 now. Bio mom is sad, as I'm the most successful of her kids but we have such a weak relationship. I see her once every 3 to 4 years.

Where as I call my grandmother every week or so.

Does she regret having me? Probably. Who knows how her life would be were I never born.

xshamirx

Too Much To Deal With

I regret having my son sometimes. He struggles with anxiety and depression. They suck. He doesn't deserve them and he didn't ask to be born. If I'd known of my predisposition toward anxiety and depression, I wouldn't have had a kid.

On top of that, I have breast cancer. Poor kid is already struggling, and 12, and he didn't ask to be here, and now his mom has cancer.

But he's here. I feel bad, but I can't just undo having a kid. So I do my best. I listen, I take him seriously, I show him love, I take him to counseling, and I make sure he has plenty of adults in his life who care about him.

It's a regret that comes from love. I don't want him to suffer, and yet, it's a part of life. He has more than his share of it, the poor guy.

insertcaffeine

More Than You Bargained For

I meant to have 1 and ended up with twins. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I mostly hate it. They are smart and good kids, it's just not fulfilling. I handle it by making copious amounts of time for myself and lots of tears. I still wish I wouldn't have made the decision to get pregnant originally and I don't know if that feeling will ever go away.

Oogadeboogade

Everything Went To Hell

My father had a nervous breakdown because he spent twelve years (the whole of my parents' relationship) acting like someone he wasn't, namely a man who wanted children. He walked out when I was seven and my sister was a few months shy of two, and we spent seven summers and four Christmases being dumped on his mother (who hated us) or his girlfriend (who had no boundaries) while he worked like crazy and went to drink with his buddies. It's been ten and a half years since he's had any real contact with any of us, and I don't see it changing any time soon, unless he finds out if either of us ever make it famous.

MysteryGirlWhite

When It All Falls Down

When I got pregnant both times I wanted kids. I was newly married and happy. We were making decent money and I thought we were ready. Now we are starting to think I'm autistic and my health has been in decline even though no doctor can figure out what is wrong. I regret having kids because I constantly feel like a horrible mother.


How do I deal with it. Well I suck it up and try the best I can. My oldest got diagnosed with autism recently and he needs a strong support system. My youngest has had his own array on medical conditions. They need me to be strong so I do and whenever I can I sneak away to my friends house for a girls weekend or lock myself in the sewing room or in front of the tv. I love my kids and would give them the world even if I regret getting pregnant now. I just wish they hadn't been born to such a screwed up mother because I thought I was fine at the time.

sewshedid

It Comes With Lots Of Responsibility

I love her to death, and I do all I can for her. I regret more this cost and having to clean up after more than her being here. Maybe also the lack of freedom, I can't just up and do whatever because I have to consider her. I am responsible, with a few lazy days in there of not picking up the toys, but I desire more freedom and less expenses.

Anuacyl

Circumstantial Reversal

I never wanted kids and my husband talked me into it. My kids are absolutely amazing. I really hate my husband. He doesn't want to work and loves to spend money. My kids are amazing human beings, just the best and I really hate their father. I don't want to leave him because I don't want to hurt the kids. The kids are like little parts of my heart outside of my body. I could never hurt them and I love them so much. So it is an odd position to be in but I could never imagine myself without them.

skateJump

Life Changees

I love my kids, I wouldn't trade them for the world. But, they were both "oops" babies. I regret the timing. I wish I had waited until I was more financially stable before having them. I'm now in a situation where I have to be a SAHM (daycare is insanely EXPENSIVE), and it gets so lonely. Definitely wish I had waited a few years. I handle it the only way I can, I love them and consider myself lucky to have children at all.

LittleAlphaSheWolf

People Explain What They Bought With Their First-Ever Paycheck

Reddit user MisterChiTown92 asked: 'What did you buy with your first ever work paycheck?'

Person fanning out wad of $100 bills
Alexander Mils/Unsplash

Working a first job is an important part of growing up.

Whether it's working a paper route (do kids even do this anymore?) or working at a video rental store (do those even exist anymore?) first-ever part-time jobs establish important life values and lessons to the youth.

Also, there's nothing that validates accomplishment at a young age more than being able to buy something with their hard-earned money.

Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor MisterChiTown92 asked:

"What did you buy with your first ever work paycheck?"

These generous Redditors found value in paying it forward.

Dinner's On Me

"It was 1976, I was making a whopping $2.50/hour at age 16 (20 cents higher than minimum wage, and it was an office job so I wasn't on my feet all day)....my family didn't have a lot of money (which is why I started working while in the 11th grade), so with my first paycheck I took my Mom and brothers out to dinner at Big Boy. I remember being all proud to say 'Get whatever you want, even the combo meal and a milkshake, it's on me."'

– Ouisch

Dinner Miscalculation

"I took my mom out to a fancy French restaurant. I had no idea how much it was going to cost, then plus tip, I didn’t even have enough! So she had to help me pay the rest. My mom still joke about that from time to time when we go out with the family."

"That was almost 25 yrs ago, damn time flew by."

– jonwtc

Gift For Mom

"I bought my mother a beautiful shawl. I never saw her wear it but it was in with her things when she died nearly 50 years later."

– WakingOwl1

These Redditors got to reward themselves with the things they enjoy most.

Creating Memories

"About twenty bucks of my first paper route earnings, for the pizza buffet and soft drinks, and some arcade games, with my best friend."

"While the shape I've been in has varied over the years, I've kept that stamina I built up hauling around damn near my weight in newsprint. For long endurance rides, hikes with a loaded-up pack, and running."

– ArmsForPeace84

Brand New Kicks

"I was 14 and got a job as a bus boy at a local BBQ joint. With my first check, I went and bought myself a pair of blue/brown Airwalk shoes. I remember how cool it felt to be able to buy something for myself and not have to ask my parents."

– johnnybmagic

Scoring Big Time

"A Playstation 2. Excellent buy, kept it for a over decade before buying an Xbox One."

– Birdo-the-Besto

"It was an Xbox 360 for me. Loved that console."

– HabeLinkin

"Still have a modded PS2. Had a hard drive with games on it too. It still turns on last I checked, I wonder if the hard drive still works..."

–DubaU

A Timeless Treasure

"My family owned a construction business, and my father had me on site for as long as I could remember. I don't remember the first thing I ever bought with what he paid me, but I remember the first thing I set out to buy and had to work for weeks to get the money for. It was a Lego castle set. $49. I'm almost 50 now, and I still have it."

– Spodson

Naughty Pleasures

"lol I bought a candy g-string so I could eat it off of my girlfriend while she was wearing it, and a black cowboy hat with spikes on it from Hot Topic hahaha"

dirtydickmf

Some recalled having to prioritize taking care of business over indulgences.

The Necessities

"gasoline and insurance to continue to be able to go to work."

– TurpitudeSnuggery

"I remember getting my first paycheck being so proud of it and my stepfather goes wow you don't have enough for gas. How are you getting to work for the next two weeks? Made me realize I needed to work more."

"I should also put in here that this was my first on the books paycheck. Made it feel a little different."

– truelydorky

Saving Up For Wheels

"Used to mow lawns and do odd jobs for cash when I was a kid. When I got my first 'real' paycheck that I had to cash at a bank, I saved every penny for several months until I bought my first car at age 16."

"Had zero expenses back then, which made it easy to save money. Fun memory."

– YupHio

Building A Wardrobe

"Clothes."

"I had to start working at the age of 12 because my parents could no longer afford to buy clothes for me."

– Opposite-Purpose365

I worked at a video game store in the mall when I was 15.

I was miserable being stuck behind a counter in a tiny corner store with hardly any adequate air circulation. Working with a personality-clashing co-worker didn't help things either.

But when I got my first paycheck, I remember thinking it was a major milestone and reward for enduring the unpleasant work conditions.

I used my first-ever earnings on a denim jacket from the Gap at the mall where I worked. I wore that stone-washed jacket with pride at school for years.

What was your most prized purchase from your first paycheck?

man and woman at wedding with balloons
Álvaro CvG on Unsplash

Weddings are built up to be magical events heralding a happily ever after for the newly minted spouses.

But like any major life event, a lot can go wrong.

Weather, illness, natural disasters, relationship drama, family squabbles... you name it and someone, somewhere has seen it at a wedding.

Keep reading...Show less
assorted items at antique shop
Christelle BOURGEOIS on Unsplash

Growing up we used a can opener, toaster and hand mixer that my Mother received as wedding gifts. She was married in 1966 and those small appliances were still working well into the 1990s.

When Mum sold her house and downsized, she decided to get new small appliances that matched. The old but still functioning ones were avocado green, stainless and harvest gold.

Since then I've gone through countless electric can openers, toasters and hand mixers and none worked as well or as long as those ones from the 1960s.

The ones with moving parts don't have the same power as the old ones and the toasters all lose heating coils in just a few years.

My complaints about small appliances are mirrored by many.

Keep reading...Show less
angry girl in black and white striped shirt
Photo by Julien L on Unsplash

Double standards are an unfortunate part of society.

A double standard is when two or more individuals or sets of people are treated differently when they should be treated the same.

A good example is the difference in the way my brother and I are treated when we cook. I'm big on baking and have a natural talent for it. Whenever I bake anything, even something complicated, like cheesecake, I'm given minimal praise, if any at all. This is because I'm a woman, and in my family culture, women are expected to be able to bake.

My brother isn't as good a baker as me and rarely does it, but when he does, he is praised for subpar brownies because he's a man and it's amazing he can even cook as well as he does.

I'm not the only one who has experience with this.

Redditors have identified many double standards in society and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor Extreme-Minute-4746 asked:

"What double standards make you angry?"

Civil Service

"As a federal government employee, why do I have to follow all kinds of ethics rules, but politicians and judges don’t?"

– mittychix

"F**k, right? I have to spend six weeks reviewing documentation and hearing out dozens of random companies to award a £100k contract but the minister who runs my department can give his mate's company a multi-million£ contract to run ferries without even getting quotes - DESPITE THAT COMPANY NOT HAVING AND FERRIES AND THE PORT IN QUESTION NOT HAVING CAPACITY FOR THEM."

"I left the civil service after that one."

– Disco_is_Death

"This. Yeah I could get in trouble for accepting a gift over $50 (like I have that much influence anyway) but politicians and judges get lobbied millions..it's infuriating."

– gtbeam3r

"Yes. And they get to keep their jobs for being completely dysfunctional, but if I pulled a fraction that garbage, I’d be fired."

– TrekJaneway

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

"That some people expect you to respect their no, whilst they will most definitely not respect yours."

– IvyBloodroot

"On that note, respecting someone as an authority is often equated to respecting someone as an individual."

"Eg. Teachers who say if you don't respect me (as a superior), I won't respect you (as a person), when they're really not the same thing."

– Paperonia

The Bullied

"School bullying."

"The kid getting picked on has essentially no power. Go to a teacher? Get labeled a snitch and tattle tale. Don't do anything? You're just made an easier target. The moment they fight back, they're the ones who end up dealing with detention, suspension, expulsion, etc. You have more power as a bully in the schools than the victim."

– FriskeCrisps

"It's because bullied people are usually rule followers, and the school wants the problem dealt with as quickly as possible. Best way to do that is to expect the rule follower to follow rules, rather than the rule breaker to suddenly change their ways."

"Fairness ends up on the chopping block."

– darsynia

Services Cliff

"I'm 41 years old and have Cerebral Palsy. If I try to find anything related to the disease - how to deal with it, any kind of ongoing care - it is virtually impossible because all the care is just for children with CP. It's like once you turn 18 the world just doesn't care anymore."

– Zechnophobe

"I’m autistic and in the same boat. “How to deal with a child who…” I'M ASKING FOR ME."

– aroaceautistic

A Two-Way Street

"People who are obsessed with the idea of kids being respectful towards adults, but don't treat kids with respect in turn."

"Edit for example: I went to a very old-fashioned school where the rule was that when an adult entered the room, even in the library and break/lunch, every student in the room had to immediately fall silent - mid sentence, mid word, didn't matter - and stand up until we were given permission to sit back down again. If we didn't, we were chewed out and sometimes even given detentions. The argument was that it trained us into respect, but I was also brought up to believe it's rude to interrupt, and it felt like the teachers were constantly interrupting us."

– MerylSquirrel

"My father in law is like that. He’s “kids should be seen and not heard” type of old school."

"But then he wonders why the children in the family all steer clear of him and why they disregard most things he says."

– Macintosh0211

Doctor, Doctor

"This might be a bit controversial, but I’ve come across a couple of doctors who demand special treatment away from work but preach and practice treating all their patients equally."

– kimchi-pancake

"They charge you a fee or cancel if you’re 5 minutes late but have no problem leaving you waiting for hours. I’ve waited an hour in the lobby and another in the actual examination room."

– SadComfort8692

"Same! i can understand if it’s out of their control but i could hear her, clear as day, giggling with her coworkers about her weekend. i waited 20 in the lobby and 20 in the exam room. i love a good gab but, for f**k’s sake, do it later! if i yapped outside for 20 minutes, it would be a $50 fee and another 4 month long wait to be seen again."

"I suddenly had a $50 i-can-hear-you-nattering-through-the-wall fee. she laughed but it’s been collecting interest ever since…"

– manyfeetball

Alcohol Is Alcohol

"Beer drinkers act like they aren’t alcoholics because they don’t drink hard liquor. Ok sir you just drank 25 beers and then looked at me sideways for drinking a g&t at the family reunion."

– Brainfog_shishkabob

"Same goes for the “sophisticated” wine drinkers..."

"Stop judging me for enjoying a drink on the terrace a few times a year, when you empty 1-2 bottles each evening..."

– 2Madam_Mimmm

"That’s definitely the way it is. I’ve got a snotty alcoholic family member, that THINKS she’s sophisticated, because she drinks high dollar wine, out of very expensive glasses."

"Yeah, pissing yourself and passing out, in front of the mailbox, are definitely the traits of a sophisticated person."

– sweathogbrooklyn

Mr. Mom

"Fathers taking care of their kids."

"I take my kids to doctor appointments, dentist appointments, take them to school, and pick them up. I do all that stuff."

"Every single f**king time, it's, “Dad’s babysitting today?” Or some stupid comment like that. No, I’m not babysitting. I’m being a f**king parent!"

"I hate the double standard that dads can’t do stuff like that with their kids."

"I can’t take my daughter to the park without being questioned or looked at funny either."

"People need to give dads more respect. A lot of us bust our a**es too. I work hard. I take care of my kids, I play with my kids. I clean the house. I do laundry. I don’t stop. I don’t rest, I don’t relax."

– moms-sphaghetti

"Give us changing tables in the men's room!"

– Da1UHideFrom

"Nothing bugs me more than when a place only has changing tables in the women's bathroom."

"It's 2023, I take my son to the aquarium by myself sometimes... Looking at you London SeaLife centre 🤨"

– AstonVanilla

Household Split

"The laundry is always a wierd one. My wife is a much better cook than me. And she hates me cooking when she's in the house. So to compensate I do all the laundry, including ironing before someone mentions it, and all the washing of dishes."

"But even at work, this doesn't seem to be understood as possible. I complained my washing machine had broken and the comment was 'Oh no, what's wife's name going to do?'"

"To which the answer was 'Wonder why I haven't done the washing this week.'"

"But it's infuriating."

– RelativeStranger

Justice Is Bought

"The American justice system. You can afford the best and many more lawyers when you have money."

– TooAfraidToAsk814

"Justice is blind, but the b*tch sure can smell money."

– burgher89

Worship

"I am supposed to respect people's religion, but people aren't supposed to respect my non-religion."

"Particularly when their religion instructs them to not respect my non-religion."

– GeebusNZ

"It kinda makes my head spin that there are people who I get along well with who, per their religion, think I deserve to be tortured in agony for all eternity."

Daztur

Yup, me and my non-religious self have personal experience with that last one!