Unless you're a total egomaniac, there's probably been at least one moment in your life where you had to stop, stare at yourself, and embrace the realization that yeah, you're really shockingly dumb. No judgment, we've done it too - and we have no shame talking about it.
My regular readers know all about my childhood belief that I was the "moon princess", but if you're new here I'll rehash the Cliff's Notes version.
My parents used to tell me that the reason I could always see the moon no matter where I happened to be was because the moon loved me so much that it followed me everywhere. Me, being young and trusting, just took them at their word. Bad idea in my family.
I didn't know anything about astrological distances, perspective, etc. I never questioned it again. The moon was my little best friend and I would talk to it as such. Let's just say I was EMBARRASSINGLY OLD when I had my moment of sudden realization that pretty much everyone with a view of the night sky could see the moon 'cause that's kind of how celestial bodies work.
I absolutely still talk to my sky-bestie, though. BFFs for life.
Reddit user negan2018 asked:
What really obvious thing have you only just realized?
Folks... I feel better. We've got Santa issues, people who didn't understand how to use towels, a missing Olsen sibling, and at least one person who just thought Michelangelo really liked some random dude named Dave.
Enjoy! The dumb is truly dazzling.
When In Rome
Giphy"Super embarrassing but in college I would order Roman Cokes because I heard everyone else ordering the same...turns out I misheard everyone and found out it was just rum and Coke."
The Missing Olsen Twin
"As a child I was confused as to why Mary, Kate, and Ashley were referred to as the Olsen twins and why ads on TV only ever showed two of them at a time."
"And then 16 year old me found out about Mary-Kate."
Lost In Translation
"The first time I visited the USA I was on my own and in NY and going to all the museums. I kept seeing signs that said "No strollers" and thought (because what Americans call strollers are called "prams" in the UK) that you guys are super strict about the proper amount of attention required to visit a museum. I actually pretended to show more interest than I had in order not to be thought of as some deadbeat out for a casual stroll."
"It wasn't until about day three that I saw a "No strollers" sign that included a graphic for idiots."
D.O.G.
"This girl I know has a dog named Deoji. Two years into knowing her and being around Deoji, I was having a conversation with her sister in law and I said "I love the name Deoji, how did she come up with that?" Her sister in law responds, "Deoji" and I said "yea, it's a neat name". She started laughing and said "No, D.O.G. ...the way you spell dog"
"I'm still mindblown about this lol."
A Very Merry Christmas
Giphy"When the kids catch their mom kissing Santa Claus, it is because Santa is their dad dressed up. Not because Santa and Mom have a once yearly torrid affair."
"I had always wondered why the dad wasn't as mad as he should have been. Figured it out when I was about 30 years old."
"Okay so I was listening to this one just the other day and had a realization about it. There's a line where the kid says "I was supposed to be in my bedroom fast asleep." This means the Dad was dressing up as Santa Claus for the mother and not for the kid. Meaning Mommy has a Santa fetish."
- Truffled
"Similarly, I was recently telling my friend how creepy I found the song "Santa Baby" because it was weird a woman was trying to bang Santa. Then my friend told me Santa is supposed to be her boyfriend/husband, not actually Santa"
"Still a weird song but not as much now."
"I was always confused why they would say, "up on the housetop reindeer paws" because reindeer have hooves... then I realized they didn't have paws, they were pausing so Santa could go deliver gifts."
These Actors Seemed Miscast But Absolutely Nailed The Role | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
A Dude Called Dave
"That Michelangelo's David is David from David and Goliath. How did I not know this?? I thought it was just a dude called Dave."
"At first I was like, "I thought it was King David." But now I think those are the same person. Ol' Dave had a lot of adventures."
"I mean I hate to make you feel worse, but did you never notice the sling he is holding over his shoulder and the stone he is holding is his other hand???? Did that not give it away?"
"Bro I thought it was his trousers that he isn't wearing 😅 I honestly haven't looked at the statue in depth (in any depth at all clearly) and yeah I haven't noticed the sling..or the stones?! There are stones?? Man, my bad Michelangelo."
Departments
"It's called a Department Store because there are, wait for it, separate departments within the one store."
"I had a Sudden Clarity Clarence moment with that one recently."
These Conspiracy Theories Are Easy to Debunk | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Birthday Suit
"I realized that to be in one's birthday suit it means to be without clothes. I thought for the longest time it was a specific set of clothes you would wear on your birthday each year. I found out when I asked, "what happens when you don't fit in your birthday suit anymore?" Lol"
The Absence Of A Dock
"I only just today realized that the "walk the plank" plank on a boat is not a special addition pirates added to their ships as a means of public execution that looked like a little wooden diving board."
"It is, in fact, the very same plank as the gangplank you'd normally use to get on and off of the ship. It is not the presence of the plank that is threatening, but the absence of dock."
Gay Moms
"This is so so stupid but I didn't realize my moms were gay until I was almost 14 and I literally heard my mom say "I'm gay" to my grandma as a joke."
"I knew that lesbians/same-sex/gay were relatively interchangeable but it didn't click as "my moms are lesbians which is another term for being gay and they are gay" until that moment."
- hgb965
Little Pillows
"Story time. When I was little for some reason I hated toast. Just hated it. My parents always tried to make me eat it but I always refused. My grandma decided to try something different. She took toast, cut it up into tiny squares, put some butter on them, and called them "Little Pillows." I ate them all the time. Only now, at 22 years old, did I realize it was just freakin toast."
Bathroom Blunders
Giphy"Ok, this was a couple of years ago, but it was something I realized WAY too late in my life..."
"You're supposed to use the towel to dry yourself after a shower. I was just wrapping it around myself and sitting / walking around in it until I air dried."
"Dude I thought I was alone with this."
"It wasn't until I went on a lake trip with my school when I was 14 and I was sitting with my towel on waiting to dry, that I saw people drying themselves off with their towels when they got out of the water and it hit me. I have never felt more stupid and I have no idea how I didn't realize sooner."
"I always thought women with long hair turned their towel into a turban for fun. I didn't know they wrapped their hair in it."
- wwfmike
"Last time I remember this question asked there was a guy that didn't realize you could wait until the water got hot to get in the shower. He hated how it always starts so cold."
- Betakurt
"I'm 16 and didn't realize until a month ago you don't HAVE to turn sinks up all the way. Water always splashed me when I washed My hands, and I complained to a friend and she said "Just turn the handle half-way then..?"
"My life has gone uphill from there ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you."
So Fresh And So Clean, Clean
"That the phrase mint condition means like new because it's the condition coins leave the mint in."
"Wow I always thought it meant mint condition because mint makes u feel fresh..."
Beef
"Didn't just realize this but didn't realize it for a while"
"The reason why the cow mascot says eat more chicken is because he doesn't want people to eat him - which is a beef. For years I never understood this and then one day I realized it and told my family and they called me stupid."
Narwhals Are Real
"A few days ago my wife and I had gotten into a stupid argument and weren't speaking to each other. We live in a pretty small place so we both were kind of stuck being angry in the same room. I turn on the TV and start watching a documentary on sea life and a segment pops up with a narwhal swimming with her calf. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my wife slowly look up from her phone and her jaw drop. She then says "Wait, wait, wait....hold on.....those...exist?....they're real?!" I didn't know what to say so I just burst out laughing for a solid minute. At least it got us talking again lol."
Bow & Arrow
"I remember that in seventh grade I had watched a vine where a kid gets a bow and arrow and says "I have a boner!" I didn't know what that meant so me and my friends were playing Minecraft and I thought it meant bow and arrow, but abbreviated."
"I don't remember what we were playing but I was yelling that out, "I need a boner!" Thinking I was yelling for a bow. The entire class went quiet and I was wondering why my friends were dying of laughter. I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life."
Night Gas
"That there are gas stations open at night. I know that this is something that is extremely obvious to most people but I grew up in New Jersey where most gas stations close at 8pm. It never occurred to me that there are ones open on the highway for people driving at night. I used to drive around with my friends at night and whenever gas is low that just meant that it was time to go home."
Non-Native English Issues
"For years, I said 'it's a doggie dog world' until my wife said to me that the right expression is 'it's a dog eat dog world'.
"Also, not being a native English speaker, I didn't realize at first what booty in 'shake your booty' song was referring to. I thought it meant shaking your little boots on the dance floor."
Spontaneous Pinecones
"Pinecones come from pine trees, I was sitting outside and looking around then suddenly realize, pinecones around a pine tree. I never really gave thought to it I thought pinecones just existed."
Mice And Rats
"I thought that mice are female of rats...I watched too much pokemon as a child. Ratata - a mouse evolves into Raticate - a rat."
- trestany
Citrus
"That oranges; lemons and limes are different fruits. I thought they were the same fruit in different stages of development like grapes and raisins."
- nsbe_ppl
Natural Gold
Giphy"This is so dumb.....but about a year ago I realized that dog breeds aren't naturally occurring. Like there aren't golden retrievers in nature."
The Second Worst Seizure
"When I was in high school I heard my mom talking about someone having a "grandma seizure." I asked mom what that was and she said the worst type of seizure you could have. I never could figure out why they didn't call it a grandpa seizure then. And then the grandma seizure could be the second worse type of seizure."
"Well, yeah, years later I saw it in writing and it's actually Grand Mal Seizure. I'm obviously not a doctor."
- Shemas12
We've all been there and had that thought, "did I miss school when everyone else missed this?"
Do you have similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor Tight_Anywhere6794 wanted to hear about the things parents have said in the past that haunts everyone still, so they asked:
"What insult have your parents said, that is stuck in your head as an adult?"
I've been blessed with the mother I had.
So I can't speak from experience.
But I've heard parenting horror stories.
Bad Expressions
Sad Kid GIF by 1tvGiphy“'You’re so annoying.' Said to me as a young kid while I was expressing enthusiasm over some new interest. Later my father complains I never tell him anything."
foppishyyy
Mean Spirited
"What did I do to deserve a fat kid?"
Silosolo
"My parents also mocked me for being fat, and outright physically abused me as in forcefully grabbed my fat child manboobs or slapped me while calling me fat-related names."
"A lot of people at school did it too, so obviously I have a lot of self-image issues like I never let anyone see me without clothes these days. The worst part is that I legitimately internalized a lot of hate, I could never care for myself enough to actually get fit."
FoeWithBenefits
What's My Name?
"My parents divorced when I was young and they hate each other. My mom would call me my dad's name when she was really upset. What makes it worse is that I confided in her that I never wanted to be like my dad. She used that ammunition against me."
Discarded_Pariah
"That's awful. You are your own person. You aren't your father."
blksmnr
Unfunny
"'You can't even laugh right.'"
"My mom in a weird moment I thought we were bonding. There's something inherently extra evil when someone tells you your joy is wrong. Told her I'm engaged and hoped she could at least be happy I'm happy and she ghosted everyone to the point the family thought died. She's a mess."
BlindEditor
"I'll never understand parents that are so hard on their own children that they can't even be happy for them. So their sole function is to bring misery to their offspring?"
macabre_irony
Evil
Oh My God Wow GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphy"My little brother was drowning, I tried to save him but also almost drowned, we got rescued by a neighbor. My mom told me that they should've left me in the pond. I haven't spoken to her in many years."
Ilookbetterthanyou
Good Lord. How do people like this exist?
Tragic.
HIM
"She told me I was acting just like my father when I would get upset. I would just get kinda pissy and sulk. He would go on rampages and scream and hit and throw things. He pushed her down the stairs once. I would never lay a finger on my current partner. The worst part is I look just like him. I was wondering if my mother always expected me to turn into my dad. I prove her wrong every day."
rot_grl
10 Years Old
"When I was ~10 years old, my mum once said 'If I could go back in time and make sure I never gave birth to you, I would in a heartbeat.'"
"Never forgot it. Talked to her about it a couple of times years later and her responses ranged from 'That never happened' to 'Oh yeah and I suppose I’m just the worst mother ever' and finally 'Yeah but I didn’t mean it, you know that.'"
"Messed me up tho tbh. Another one was '[older sibling] was the only child we actually planned for, the rest of you were accidents.' I don’t think it was intended as an insult, but being told your entire existence was an accident as a child kinda stung."
SpiderP*bes
Failures
“'You’re the biggest mistake I ever made.' - my mother when I was 5. I’m 32 now and it’s been the undercurrent for our relationship ever since, constantly wondering if anything I’ve achieved or struggled for is something she’s genuinely proud of or just relieved to say I wasn’t a total failure on her part."
thefaehost
Generational Issues
"Not a parent but a grandparent, I was adopted when I was 12 years old (my parents were both drug addicts so I was in and out of foster care most of my life) my adopted mother's father turned to me on Christmas Eve when no one else was around and said 'My daughter should have never adopted you, she should have let you stay on the streets where you belong'… he got nicer as he got older and sicker but I couldn’t find it in myself to forget what he said even almost 10 years later. Went to the funeral for moral support but was indifferent about his passing."
samweather227
Just Me
Sad Kids GIF by Cian DucrotGiphy"I was an only child and lonely. When I asked for a sibling, the response was 'If you want to know why we don't have more kids, go look in the mirror.'"
Responsible_Fly_3565
Some people should never have children.
Awful.
"What is something you no longer have patience for?"
Off The Clock Means OFF THE CLOCK!
"Working outside of work hours."
"I used to go above and beyond, now I only put in what is required."
"Life is too short to live only to work."- Chesterfieldcat
"The working world."
"My life doesn’t revolve around working here and it never will."
"It will never be a part of my identity."
"I come in, do the job, make money, go home."
"Don’t expect me to come to all the work happy hours so I can pretend how much I love working here."- nuclearsalt
Some Things Just Don't Get A Free Pass
"Sh*tty people getting a pass 'because they're family'."- cgulash
angry homer simpson GIFGiphySay What You Mean, Not What You Feel
"Having to guess what people REALLY mean by something they said."
"I take everything people say at face value now and don't replay conversations in my head to find out the real meaning anymore."
"Be passive-aggressive if you want to but talk to me like an adult if you really have a problem."- WateredDownSalt
EYES ON THE ROAD!
"People who text and drive."
"You're driving a giant piece of metal propelled by explosive liquid."
"Pay attention."- MasterfulNothasie
The Only Life That Should Concern You Is Your Own
"People and groups of people that only talk about other people."- Turf98
"People who can’t mind their fucking business and are always worried about what other people are doing."
"If it doesn’t effect you, f*ck off."
"It’s literally free."- wackwackwackjpg
GIF by WWEGiphySome People Didn't Mind Social Distancing
"People invading my personal space."- Mighty-Foreskin
Influence Can Be Dangerous
"Anything that has “influencer” in it."- chemistcarpenter
Indoor Voices People...
"Streamers screaming, losing their sh*t, breaking things, and having tantrums."
"I used to think this was so funny now I just can't stand it; I can't even watch a streamer if I notice they're not using their normal talking voice." - Reddit
Fail Oh No GIF by G2 EsportsGiphyTaking Responsibility Is A Sign Of Maturity
"People who constantly blame others for the situation they are in."- SuvenPan
Time Is Precious And Shouldn't Be Wasted
"Waiting on people who are constantly late to plans."
"I will wait 15 minutes then excuse myself."- Dabbles-In-Irony
There's Multi-Tasking, And Then There's Just Being Rude...
"People being on their phone while in a conversation with you."
"Seriously."
"Put your phone away!"- rosieblinkstime
Phone GIF by Poehlmann FitnessGiphyIt Takes So Much More Effort To Be Nasty...
"Bad manners, unkindness and general rudeness."
"It costs nothing to be a nice person and from someone who works in a customer-facing industry, attitudes, sadly, appear to be getting worse."
"It really makes me cross."- Bellamiles85
At Least They're Being Transparent
"Medicine commercials with worse side-effects than the thing being cured."- mrbbrj
Wasting our time and thoughts about things that we know can only bring us down is simply no way to get through life.
It's essential to live our lives by taking the present moment for what it is: a present.