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It's not always the case that your family are the most supportive and loving people in your life.

Sometimes, they can be the exact opposite. Sometimes, they cause you to hide parts of yourself with the intrinsic hope that you'll fit in. But you know you can't keep secrets forever.


u/stinkerstine asked:

What secret do you keep from your family?

Here were some of those answers.


Backwards Thinking

This is kinda really stupid but I hide my online friendships cause they're kinda closed minded and A) dont believe that you should talk to people "you dont know", B) internet bad, and C) if you talk to a guy online, it must be a sexual thing.

imlonelylol

Keeping The Money Quiet

My family have a rough background, a lot of violence and substance use problems. I left home at 16, haven't spoken to them since, and after seven years of university have a pretty high-paying job.

I have to constantly ask websites to take down my full name because if my family found out, I'd be swamped with messages asking for money that would go straight to alcohol and ice. They already have an idea after I didn't catch a result fast enough, so it doesn't really matter and I loosened up my social media. But I still hide my income.

manlikerealities

My Happiness Was On The Line

I quit my job with the cable company a year earlier than I told them. The pressure and stress from that job became overwhelming and it was right around the time my grandmother died and I legit dropped everything and worked at a car dealership for a year before I got my insurance licenses.

Lyn1987

Free Spirits

That my husband and I go to nudist swinger resorts for fun. At least, we used to, before the pandemic. Hopefully we will again someday. Family doesn't need to know -- I think my mother would have a heart attack.

Edit: So some people have been asking. I'm 53F, husband is 70M. We've been going about 15 years. We've been to Hedo in Jamaica, Sea Mountain in California, Rooftop Resort in Florida, and Live Oak Resort in Texas. And a place in Mexico I forget, Dreamers or something like that. Live Oak is our favorite. Extensive, beautiful grounds, so lots of walking-around room -- gives it a nice mix of peaceful and erotic vibe. Note: Big difference between "lifestyle friendly" nudist places and "family friendly" ones. I've never been to a family-friendly one -- I have no interest in being around kids when I'm naked.

First time visiting I was nervous as hell, but everybody tends to be super friendly at these kinds of places. My husband and I don't swing; we just like being naked and playing with each other and watching others. It's a sexy environment with plenty of booze and smiles and laughter, and generally, plenty of respect and hands off when you say you're not interested. It's really good for the self-esteem, too, to see bodies that are not perfect but still getting laid. My visits have made me feel infinitely better and more confident about my imperfect body!

Another edit: Most people at these places are middle-aged, 35ish and older. Younger people are welcome, but as a general rule, and this is just my personal opinion, I think a lot of people are too insecure to go naked in public when they're younger. I certainly could never have done it when I was younger. It just takes getting to a certain place in your life where you are more at peace with yourself and less worried about impressing other people. Some places require couples only, others welcome singles.

getalonglittledog

But They Also Couldn't Give You Options

I dropped out of college. It was never-ending, and I was exhausted. They forced me into Graphic Design, and while I don't mind it, I'd prefer to never do it professionally- I'm more of a freelancer.

They wanted their only kid to go to college and graduate, and I couldn't even give them that.

_Fengo

Because They Won't Understand

They'll never know how depressed I really am, because, I cannot and do not want to burden them. They are the best thing in my world, and do make it better. They are responsible for what joy I do have.

I watch my kids closely, mental issues I'll deal with at the root and start if they exhibit themselves. My wife knows about my struggles, just, not how present they are, so it's not a complete secret. But it's the one thing I won't tell them.

billbapapa

Religious Differences

My religion, or rather, the lack thereof. When I was a kid, I remember seeing my mom cry because her friend's son came out as an atheist as she imagined the horror of knowing your kid is going to hell. I'm an adult so it's not like I can "get in trouble" if my parents find out, but I don't want to put them through that. I don't believe my eternal soul will rot in hell forever--why should they?

little_bear_

Positoovity

So everybody wrote kinda depressing things in here... but for the past two years I've been pulling a "Santa" on my parents by buying gifts for them (going to the mall w/ my friends) and then putting them under the tree when they are all asleep... its still a family secret and I don't know if they suspect me. But it's really funny, highly recommend if you are a good liar. Make sure you buy new wrapping paper too, so they don't recognize it.

Toxic_Button

Let It Fly Gurl

I'm very obviously gay, but still closeted. If my family knows they just don't talk about it or ever mention it.

catsthatdontkill

Just Keepin The Peace

You mean secrets, not secret.

Family is pretty touchy about several topics so most of my secrets come from a difference in opinion. And my usual method to avoid detection is just agree with them and move on. I'm not the talker of the family, that's for sure

SableyeFan

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Image by salmerf from Pixabay

Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".

Humphr1es

We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."

Tatsukishi

Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.

Bdiz78

The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.

Gas-Blaster

That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."

Roman_Suicide_Note

This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."

Catty_wampus

​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".

Soalindie

Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".

Srakrn

It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

BerenTheBold

As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.

Lahmmom

​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".

GSavvage

In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".

Foxpawdot

It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."

Malibulobo

These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.

StrykerSeven

Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.

Perstn

I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”

KatieSedai

Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".

Angrypunishment

"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.

Rubywolf27

In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

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