Some people have a list of deal breakers a mile long. Others (shout out to you, Libras!) can roll with pretty much anything as long as you're not a terrible person. Some people haven't actually put real thought into their deal breakers, which tends to pop up as a problem later on down the line.
Personally, if a person has done their work, we share values, and they bring a solid playlist to the game, they've got a good chance of getting my attention. But my absolute deal breaker is fun.
If you don't approach life with an eye for fun then we absolutely cannot be in a romantic relationship. I have a blast by myself and laugh my way through the day. If a person isn't improving that, then no thank you.
One Reddit user asked:
What is a relationship deal-breaker for you?
So let's talk about it, fam!
Patient And Supportive
I have a good deal of trauma that I am working through in therapy, as well as depression and anxiety.
If someone can't be patient with me and supportive of my healing then they've no place in my life as a romantic partner. And because of my anxiety, with how bad it can get, I need someone who isn't going to yell or snap at me for it. I grew up with my parents telling me I was constantly over reacting and invalidating my emotions.
And then there's obvious things such as manipulation and cheating.
Nothing More Profoundly Selfish
mothers day smoking GIF
Giphy
Smoking. Not going to deal with it. I don't want to smell your stink. I don't want to kiss an ashtray. I don't want to damage my lungs with your pollution. I don't want to watch you die a slow wasting death decades before you should have. I've watched it happen to half of my family. Your heart breaks. But you also hate them for it just a little bit...
There is nothing more profoundly selfish than smoking.
Clutter
Someone who isn't conscious about how much clutter there is in the house.
I lived in a house with my mother and she is an EXTREEEEME hoarder, and so the house is so cluttered. There's only like three paths in the entire house. They start from the couch where she sleeps and go to"
the bathroom
the TV
and the kitchen - which is the most disgusting room in the house. It's got all this dirty water in the sink, dead food in the entire room, and the fridge has mold growing in it.
I never let any of my friends come visit because of how disgusting it was. It's almost like the house from resident evil 7, but without the bits of broken down flooring and such.
Also, I was afraid that their parents weren't going to let me be their friend anymore. Now I keep my little apartment as clean as I can -with the exception of dust, because I don't own a duster.
The Deception Is The Problem
So I'll add one that's a bit unusual. I'm in a poly relationship with several people. Everyone knows; although not all of them are poly themselves, they at least know up front where I am.
The deal breaker is concealing a relationship. If one of my partners goes on a date with someone, I'm cheering for it to go well. I hope they had a great time, and it won't bother me at all if they develop a relationship.
So then, there's absolutely no reason to hide anything. If I find out that one of my partners has been seeing someone and hasn't told me, then the relationship is over, full stop. I don't care if you're seeing someone, why are you lying to me about it? The deception is the problem.
Changing The Deal Breakers Is A Deal Breaker
Going back on your word about a deal breaker and pretending like you didn't.
I don't care if you change your mind on something, but tell me. Don't just sit on it until it comes up.
My ex did this 2.5 years into the relationship, denied he ever agreed that something was a deal breaker. But he did agree, enthusiastically. He later told me I was ridiculous for it being a deal breaker.
I was adopted and given a wonderful life. I know it's not for everyone, and that's totally cool. But he went for hours about how great it was and that he'd love to give a good home to a child like one was given to me.
2.5 years in and he told me that it was stupid for that to be a deal breaker and I just wanted to do what my mom did, etc.
My current husband and I agreed that adoption is definitely on the table for us. It's not set in stone, but the option is there. Lots of kids need good homes.
- LeeVH1
A Fitness Fixation
frustrated jump GIF
Giphy
Different fitness level than me. But I'm not talking about this in a "looks" way.
I'm really athletic and do athletic type stuff as a hobby: hiking, backpacking, climbing. But I do it to the max. I seek out extreme experiences. I enjoy harsh climates, test your metal type level stuff.
I've had partners that do this level of activity with me and its awesome, and that's what I prefer. So a partner needs to not only be interested in that stuff and capable of physically keeping up with it.
Space Is A Must
If he won't give me my space.
I do not text back instantly, and I'm not into spending every waking moment in contact. I have other things I enjoy or need to engage in besides a romantic relationship, let me have my own life.
Being Overly clingy / jealous
My ex from college would text me all the time - on Facebook, MSM that would cluster my notifications, etc. They would get jealous of the dude that would sell me my favorite chocolate filled donuts or anyone really that spoke with me. Also, holding my arm like if I was gonna poof out of existence if they let go and give me some space.
The List Potentially Expands Forever
Irresponsibility/unaccountability.
Using your phone constantly, even on a date.
Homophobia/racism/sexism/any form of hateful behaviour like that.
Wanting kids.
Having different love languages that the other person won't try to invest in.
Sex pests...!
Smoking.
Drugs.
Excessive drinking.
A lot of these I didn't know I had until previous relationships had presented these issues to me... They've now become a litmus test for any future relationships, and who knows, the list may expand with every new relationship I get. 😂
Shh
Talking during movies.
This cannot be upvoted enough.
When I go solo to the movies and people start talking, I've lost all patience for the insolence; you get one "shh", then I say "Hey Siskel and Ebert, save it for AFTER the movie"
...granted I haven't done it in a while since the movie theatre has been shut down for the past 6+ months. Prior to that I used to say "no one has paid to hear you talk, please stop"
I also go up to people who break out their phone and tap them on the shoulder and tell them "Please turn your phone off, it's disrupting the other patrons"
Angry All The Time
There are a couple of little ones like being racist, messy, or have no social skills. But a big deal breaker for me is when they're angry all the time and do nothing about it.
Like in the mornings? I understand not being a morning person but mornings happen. Deal with it. When they don't want to ever go on a morning walk or make breakfast until 11am, etc. that's a deal breaker. I don't want to deal with someone who is always in a bad mood.
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Ticket scalpers. How do you the audacity to say that's a job?
Actual burglars have more empathy.
Disrespectful
Out Of Office Summer GIF by Merge MansionGiphy"There are debt collectors who call relatives of the deceased to pay off their debts when they are not legally obligated to."
Top_Gun_2021
Shady. Shady.
"Australian Real Estate Agents. Laws don't seem to apply to them. Just as dodgy in sales and rentals alike. Never seen anything like it overseas."
snave_
"I'm in the US, it can vary state by state but my state is pretty strict on realtor laws. Some states require attorney review and there are definitely penalties for being reported for shady sh*t. It does require consumer reporting though."
ilostmytaco
Etransfer
"Where I live, tax info was leaked and now scammers are targeting low income individuals/families (people earning under 30,000 per year) with etransfer scams. I got one the other day that was an etransfer warning that 240$ 'a family member sent me' was about to expire."
SnowyInuk
"That’s disgusting. The scammers know what they’re doing, they know the harm they cause people and yet they don’t care."
surelysandwitch
Should be illegal...
"MLM managers. Not the low level idiots that get suckered into it, they suck too for trying to bring new people into that sh*tshow, but the people who create them know exactly what they are doing and are pretty much the only ones who profit off of it. Should be illegal. Pyramid schemes are illegal. None of them ever get the just desserts except occasionally by vigilantes I assume."
Wereno
I hate debt collectors. Yeah, you calling me one hundred times a week is going to miraculously make money appear.
Animals
Giphy"Paparazzi."
VictorBlimpmuscle
"I met Jack Gleeson (King Joffrey from Game of Thrones) at a bus stop in Dublin. Really nice guy but he said he quit acting due to people being nasty online and constant hounding from paparrazi. He's happier now but it sucks that he was pushed away from a career he was quite good at."
goobi94
Scumbags
"The pastors at mega churches whom ask their followers for money for private jets. Absolute scum to abuse others faith for your own greed."
ichancho
"Brian Tamaki is a greedy freaking pig, he takes advantage of so many people who are already struggling. Every time he’s in the local news (which btw is often) I get more and more pissed off at him and his wife. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Tamaki "
surelysandwitch
it’s a thing???
“'Dating Expert.' Sadly it’s a thing. It’s basically a self appointed title that requires no training or qualifications. What’s worse, is that I have a female friend who uses one. It’s very much a blind leading the blind situation."
Mean_Manufacturer_61
"Most of the self proclaimed “dating coaches” I know are women in their late 30s or early 40s who have never been married or had a longer relationship."
ipozgaj
EVIL
"Poachers. Especially big game poachers who purposefully hunt nearly extinct animals from species they know they are on the brink."
"I know there are poachers that come from rural villages who are trying to just put food on the table, which has my sympathy but poachers who come from money and hunt down animals minding their business in most shelters or restricted areas just to put a head on their wall as a trophy are absolutely heinous."
GetterdoneObiwan
I See It All
miss cleo fraud GIFGiphy"Psychic Mediums. Specifically those who prey on the grieving."
JamesDeadite
"I've always found it interesting how many magicians go after people like this. I think it's because they know what it takes to trick people for the art. The slight of hand and mentalism. And they abhor people who use these tactics for such sh*tty purposes."
34HoldOn
I want so bad to believe in psychics and mediums. What say we on that topic?
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For some odd reason I love the things burning. Anything, food, pots, pans. You name it. Weird.
Blow
fire burning GIFGiphy"Matches/candles on a birthday cake. I remember lighting matches as a kid purely to blow them out and inhale that sweet match-y smell."
semispooked
"guilty good"
"I work at a Chemical plant. We make a highly acidic product that is dark blue, viscus, highly corrosive, and smells exactly like Fruit Loops. It is incredibly disturbing."
Turin082
"Organic chemistry has many 'guilty good' smells. Thiophosgene (sulfur derivative of a chemical weapon used extensively in WW1) apparently smells like meat. Phosgene is used to make polycarbonate, thiophosgene is used to make some sulfur-containing molecules which eventually end up in therapeutic drugs."
HammerTh_1701
I can't huff it...
"Paint, specifically house paint. I love the smell. But anytime I hear that anyone is painting a room or their house, I volunteer. I just love sitting on the floor in a room that's been freshly painted, closing my eyes and just inhaling that slightly chemically, slightly creamy aroma."
Neowza
A Hint of French...
"A fish and chips shop burnt down as couple blocks from work a few years ago. The whole neighborhood smelled amazing for days. Just the slight hint of French fries. Nothing overpowering. It was so awesome. Until I found out someone was trapped in the fire and died."
stevey_frac
Drag
Drag Racing Vegas GIF by Don Schumacher RacingGiphy"Race fuel. Instantly puts me in a good mood as it reminds me of going to the drag races with my dad when I was young."
garfnodie
Fuel and matches get me too. And they sort of go together. Interesting.
Just like the Movie...
Johnny Depp Drinking GIFGiphy"The water from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Mmm, bromine."
Stalkerslovemy
"This is one of my favorite scents of all time, and Disney is very aware that people enjoy it. Evidently it’s a lot harder to recreate than just adding bromine to water."
cash4panties
"black widow".
"There's a chicken wing restaurant near my house that has a challenge sauce called "black widow." The owner claims it to be around 500,000 scovilles. A few years back some buddies and I decided to try them, the sauce was a dark molasses color and smelled almost like a BBQ sauce, no hint of the danger that lurked at all. We each grabbed one wing and it went terribly. I don't know how something so spicy could smell so innocent."
Final-Chapter
Endless Weekend
"Hotel/rented rooms whenever you go on vacation. There's this particular smell that just says 'you are on vacation,' especially on a beach/swimming trips/out-of-the-town vacays."
Yummy_Llama
"Bath and Body Works has a plug-in scent called Endless Weekend that replicates that scent (to my humble nose)."
Exxcentrica
"oh no..."
"Someone you are attracted to's body odors. Anyone else who is slightly unhygienic smells repulsive."
Mini_gunslinger
"I remember back in high school a girl leaned over, sniffed me, told me that I smelled really good, and asked me what cologne I was wearing. I asked if she was joking, and she's like, no, you smell really good. When I told her I had just gotten done with gym class, she gets a small 'oh no...' look on her face and turns away. I think we both had a revelation that day."
user deleted
That Smell
Smell It Season 6 GIF by This Is UsGiphy"The smell inflatable things give off. I have no idea how to describe it, but it’s… nostalgic? to me."
crestfxllen
I do love the smell of plastics and inflatables. Ahh....
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It's hard to imagine how to go on without the lost object–whatever it may be–but over time, it becomes a distant memory and we move on.
That is until we magically find ourselves presented with this opportunity proposed by Redditor mikehotel288, who asked:
"You find yourself in a room with everything you’ve ever lost in your life. What do you look for first?"
There are necessities people cannot do without.
No More Dry Lips Ever Again
"Gonna be a lot of chapstick in that room."
– camefromxbox
There are things that bring us comfort and are irreplaceable.
Safety Blanket
"My baby blanket. It became tattered over the years—to the point where I couldn’t reasonably wash it anymore—so I had to throw it away a little while back."
"I have heavily regretted that decision. I was really attached to it (hence it being in tatters), but I really wish that I kept what was left of it instead of throwing it away. Just knowing that I’d still have it would be a huge comfort to me."
– Uearie
Sentimental Heirloom
"The pendant my dad had made for me with my grandmother’s engagement diamond. It was 2 carats. It disappeared from a Las Vegas hotel room 20 years ago. It was hidden deep in a suitcase where it would not have been easy to find. It was just GONE. Cops didn’t do anything. Didn’t even come to take my statement. Cleaning lady said she thought she saw an elderly man enter my room. The guy I was with was not sympathetic in the least. Entire situation was f**ked. I’m still so upset about it."
– MaritimeDisaster
Lone Shark
"My plastic shark toy I lost when I was 10. Ain't no f'king way it just VANISHED."
– Guilty_As_Charged__
Not everything lost is tangible.
Tick Tock
"The time I wasted."
– shinyfennec
It Holds Value
"My private key with 6 BTC in it."
– Significant_Mirror19
"I didn't lose one, but I'll check my room for yours just in case."
– Smodphan
Finding Purpose
"The reason I walked into the room."
– Lloyd_lyle
Lost Opportunity
"That one girl i spoke to on omegle lol"
– h-amishh
If only we get to reunite with those we've lost.
The Loved Family Member
"My grandpa."
– Splatty_boi_420
Grieving Parent
"My daughter. She’ll be in my brother’s arms. So I’ll find both things I care to look for."
– SeeTheFence
Missing Mom
"My mom. She died of cancer in 2017. She never got to meet my daughter. I miss the hell out of her and wish she was still part of my family’s life."
– X-Arkturis-X
The Animals That Come Into Our Lives
"My pets that have passed: especially my horse, Blue. It's been 4 years, but it feels like just yesterday."
– Baciandrio
While many of these scenarios are unlikely, the thread gave people an opportunity to reflect on the things that made a strong impression on their lives.
Sometimes, the memories of the things we've lost–whether they are random objects or sources of love–is all we have.
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