Everything is a shady lie. That is a fact we just all have to get used to apparently. In most businesses corners are cut and the magic is fabricated. So many of the companies and businesses we support are harboring secrets and are always just one disgruntled ex-employee away on Twitter from a public meltdown. Beware the rip-off!
Redditor u/WoOoOoOoShHhHh wanted to see who was willing to loosen some lips and give workplace details the public may not be privy to by asking.... What's an industry secret in the field you work in?SHHHH!!!
kenan thompson snl GIF by Saturday Night Live
Giphy
I'm an attorney. The secret is shut the heck up.
Wishing on a Hire....
Used to screen resumes for small companies. Job "requirements" are more of a wish-list situation. Never let some unchecked boxes deter you from applying - you have no idea what the applicant pool is like. The biggest boon, especially at small companies, is someone who legitimately cares.
JACKPOT!!
I design slot machines for casinos... don't play slots.
There's literally no tactics to any of it. All RNG and will pay when it's ready. Worked in the industry for 15 years; if you can't afford to lose the money, don't find it fun... Don't play them. You'll never get the money you lost back, so cut your losses and walk away.
"discontinue"
christmas sniffs GIF by Target
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Former bath and body works associate here. The scents they "discontinue" will come back with a different name and new marketing. They're just recycling the scents.
Samin Nosrat....
There is way more butter than you think in almost every dish you eat at fancy restaurants, and that is usually the reason you won't see the amount of calories in each dish.
Source: 5 years as a chef in Italian cuisine head chef, 8 years in an Italian kitchen.
Edit: Since it has been asked, If I could recommend one guide book for you all to have in your kitchen it would be Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat: Mastering the Elements of Good Cooking by Samin Nosrat. Yes there are plethora of others but this one is my personal favorite.
Follow the Coil....
Change your dirty furnace filters and clean your ac coils outside.... these make up an easy 30% of my calls for no heat/cooling.
EDIT- more attention than I thought. So real quick you have two coils, inside and outside. Your furnace filter keeps the inside one clean so make sure that filter is clean!! Outside coil- kill power to the unit, removed the coil guard and top (usually 5/16 or 1/4 nut driver and like 20 screws).
Don't use high pressure water simply on a shower setting and hold it a few inches away from the coil. Do from both ways. Button that beauty up and wait for it to dry before turning power back on. Your head pressures are gonna love you.
EDIT 2- oh don't forget to blow your condensate line more than your husband! (prevents water flowing back into the unit from a block).
Tossed....
At goodwill 50% of what you donate ends up in the trash bc we don't have the space for it or we just deem it too ugly.
Our local thrift store has a semi-trailer sized dumpster behind it. They fill it every couple of weeks because most of the crap people donate was garbage to start with they just didn't have anywhere else to dump it so they donated it.
Not no Shiny Objects....
I used to work in jewelry. Most of the prettiest gemstones are also very affordable. Tanzanite is a beautiful purple and looks nicer than amethyst. Topaz comes in lots of colors, including a pretty blue color which can be as nice as aquamarine. Opals aren't as brightly rainbow hued as they look in pictures.
"this is what you are doing to my heart"
Some therapists/counselors are on the wrong side of the couch, so to speak. If you feel your mental health provider is unhinged, they may very well be.
A family member tried to break up with his long-term gf who was a therapist.
I was shocked at her absolutely unhinged behavior which included but was not limited to her taking his childhood teddy bear, chopping it up with garden shears, & piling it up on his bed with the note "this is what you are doing to my heart" stabbed into it with a steak knife.
Delivery....
amazon today GIF
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As a Software Engineer, double your delivery date for a product in anticipation of an over eager Project Manager trying to get promoted.
I always pad the due date then get it done ahead of the deadline. Clients love me.
Careful of Bulk....
If you're someone who purchases bulk nuts, grains, etc. Just know that those bins are probably rarely cleaned, and even when they are "cleaned", odds are they were just rinsed out/wiped down to look clean.
I used to be a bulk buyer at Whole Foods Market and when I took over our bulk department had no cleaning logs or sanitizing procedure. The bins had moths/insect colonies and mold in them. Our store was opened nearly 5 years prior.
We Love Them
funny hot tub GIF
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Managed boarding and grooming kennels for 8 years: the secret is that the employees actually do love your pets too. Even the difficult ones, most of us realize they just miss their people. The number of times I've weeped when a pet died, or spent way too many hours comforting a dog with separation anxiety, or spent hours off the clock with a boarder who needed to be rushed to a vet office... wouldn't trade it for the world.
Some pets just suck though, not gonna lie.
RV Ways...
All I'm saying is there is a reason no one who works in the RV industry owns an RV.
Edit: Just some clarification. I work in in Elkhart, Indiana which is the RV capitol of the world. As other people have quality is shit on all the major companies. The big ones being Thor, Forest River, and Grand Design. These three companies own probably 90% of all RV companies so check who owns what you are buying.
There are some mom and pop shops that do put out good products but those are pretty few and far between.
40% off....
Worked at a department store photography studio owned by a major photography company that you can imagine probably took your school yearbook photos. The company also is partnered with a popular online photo order website.
Notice how quickly we write down a price, strike it out, and write a new price as the deal? Yeah, that's pretty much just the price that everyone gets. We aren't doing the math that fast, we have it memorized because almost everyone that comes in has that 40% off coupon.
Don't come in without a coupon, there is ALWAYS a coupon on the website. If you end up paying for sitting fees, it's because you just didn't go on our website.
Honestly, don't buy our photos. If you just do the session and say that you'll buy them online later (on said partnered photo order site), it'll be cheaper than if you buy them in-store that day. (Yes, even when we say "oh but you won't get THIS deal online!").
If you do buy in-studio that day, just by the digital CD of your photos. You get to keep all of them instead of having to pick your favorite 3-4 pictures. Oh, and again, it is way cheaper to take that CD to a photo kiosk and have them printed yourself. Please don't spend $400 on a couple photos that you can't legally copy when you could have gotten an $80 CD of ALL the photos and have the copyright to them.
Go Cheap
Will Grace Megan Mullally GIF
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The cheapest bottle of wine in the restaurant has the biggest markup.
Dairy Daze....
Not an industry I work in per se, but I used to be in a sales role. One of my customers was a milk bottling plant. I was somewhat surprised that they were putting the exact same milk in both organic and non-organic cartons. Turns out all of their milk is organic, but in order to not miss out on the sales of non-organic milk, they just bottle them differently and sell them at different prices.
Shut It!
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Almost every hairstylist gets the heebie jeebies when we shampoo your hair and you just stare up at us. CLOSE. YOUR. DAMN. EYES at the shampoo bowl!
It's all a fraud....
Nobody uses bots to inflate metrics more than the most major players in the entertainment industry. All the numbers are fake, including sales.
It costs about $200,000 to put your own book on the top of the New York Times bestseller list. All you have to do is buy a lot of copies yourself. (And if that bestseller status helps you sell more books, you can make that $200,000 back by selling the big stock of books you've collected.)
"Stop the ride"
Amusement park ride operator here. If your kid is crying and you want us to stop the ride, even if we want to it's not gonna stop immediately. The carousel will spin a few more circles or the ship will swing a few more times before stopping. The only exceptions is the emergency stop which will absolutely mess up the ride for a while if we press it. Hence we only use it in actual life threatening situations. The best thing you can do is try to get your kid to calm down as the ride comes to a stop and no, yelling "Stop the ride" at us does not make it stop any faster.
Soap it up...
tyrone power bath GIF
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Construction boy here. If your windows or sliding doors are tough to open and close. 9 times out of 10, we put your own dish soap on tracks and the thing works perfectly. It take 5 minutes and we charge 150. Dish soap people, its better than WD40 sometimes.
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Reddit user Purple_Pineapple_752 asked:
"If God gave you his powers for 1 hour, What would you do?"
So here's the thing, Reddit has no chill.
Like none.
So every random whim, thought, or chip on people's shoulders certainly came out in the comments.
And honestly... it's delicious.
Some Redesigns Needed
"Redesign human knee and shoulder joints. Because, seriously, I've got some bug reports that have been ignored."
- m_sporkboy
"You’ve got my vote! As a nearly 30yr old with chronic arthritis, I’d say thank you!"
- RiskyBisc
"Yup. Tore my ACL the other month in college football and am now a 'house potato' according to my dad."
- Bu11tproofTiger
"Both of my shoulders are reconstructed. My hips are finished as well an I'm in my 30s ."
"I think the human body needs to be made of better quality parts at this point lol"
- lolparty247
GiphyGame Time
"Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie."
"Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth."
"This is not meant to be wholly benevolent."
"No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options."
"And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA."
"Let the games begin."
- AlphaTangoFoxtrt
"This is actually terrifying."
"Imagine you are elected. You want to know the nuclear launch codes? No worries, just try to state the first character in the sequence."
"You cannot lie. So what you say will come out as correct. Now just have someone write it down."
"Want the password to the white house twitter account? No worries, just get someone to vote you into some form of office. Could be you and joe-no-body, it doesn't matter."
"Privacy would end overnight."
"No no no, you want them to not be able to tell intentional lies. Then at least it's limited to things they know. And just for good measure, give every elected official a strong sense of questioning their own knowledge."
- UFO64
"I feel like this power will end up being a monkeys paw. You try to do good but it has an equal/opposite reaction..."
"You make it so politicians can't lie, and the followers just accept it and still vote them into power."
"Make it so people have critical thinking and aren't easily misled by conspiracies and propaganda, then I dunno, maybe we find out we needed conspiracies in our life and we now no longer question anything.. Idk.."
"You remove corruption and it has some unforeseen knock on impact where now South American or African countries become super powers and a new cold war erupts with new players."
"Yeh monkeys paw... Beware of this power..."
- splashbodge
GiphyToast Technicalities
"Create various images on toast and have fun watching believers react to them."
- CaptchaSolvingRobot
"But technically... they would be right because it was you as God!! You!!"
- SonOfARemington
"I’ve often wondered how many people eat their Jesus toast without ever bothering to check."
"Extending the thought, how many people actually do check their toast only to think to themselves, 'Hey! It’s Keanu Reeves!' ”
- smeeding
GiphyCan We Vote For This Person?
"1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep."
"Nothing is addictive."
"All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done."
"All women obtain positive body images."
"Taco trees."
"People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. A-holes have their laces break every Friday."
"Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained."
"Turtles can play trumpet."
"America switches to metric with no fuss."
"The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway."
"Corn syrup goes away."
"All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda... but not exactly gay."
"Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking Nick Cage."
- Ethandrul
"You had me at trumpet turtles and taco trees."
- fallen87angel
"I also choose this god."
- PBnBacon·
GiphyAssuming I'm Still Interested
"Assuming I’m still really interested in Earth, get us back to zero or a good starting point."
"Remove all trash and pollution everywhere. It just ceases to exist."
"Complete all municipal separated storm sewer projects instantly."
"Instantly create storm water gardens wherever necessary. Instantly eliminate lawn culture and convert to lawn alternatives to eliminate run off."
"Instantly convert all power generation to safe thorium nuclear and renewable. Instantly convert all sea shipping to clean nuclear."
"Instantly convert all cars to electric. Create charging stations at every residence."
"Instantly convert all heavy construction equipment to a safer fuel (I don’t know what yet). Instantly put solar panels on every structure/house. Instantly create bike lanes everywhere. Instantly create bike culture of the Netherlands everywhere."
"Upgrade everywhere to high speed rail systems similar to Japan. Switch all roads to permeable pavement."
"Instantly perform major upgrades on every structure, road and bridge everywhere. Have all work go to new construction and maintenance."
"Instantly install field drains and timer stadium lights in all playing fields."
"Instantly process all rape kits in all police stations."
"Instantly repair all playgrounds and park features everywhere."
"Automatically register everyone to vote. Create 10 new states out of Texas and California. Instantly pass political reform."
"Legalize all drugs. Instantly create more treatment centers."
"Instantly cure all ailments that are in recovery in hospital and would cure naturally. Instantly move those patients back home."
"Instantly kill all patients who would die naturally. Instantly inform all families."
"Instantly remove all graveyards and eliminate practice of saving dead. Create new ritual of donation to science or turn into tree."
"Instantly create depression cure. Instantly create obesity cure. Instantly create formula to grow/repair existing teeth."
"Instantly change taxation rate to post WW2 for businesses. Instantly change view of all workers to pro-union."
"Instantly identify and eliminate all political corruption. Have everyone just realize all this exists."
"Eliminate all religious belief everywhere. Instantly create belief in helping neighbors, being a good person, and creating a heaven on earth."
"Eliminate all mosquitoes. Bring back bees."
"Is time up? Was that an hour?"
- winnower8
GiphyOne Solution To The Fossil Fuel Issue
"Having given it some thought:"
"Easy parthenogenesis for all humans, regardless of their biological sex and mental identity."
"And the natural ability to self terminate pregnancies. And self. That would wipe out a whole bunch of angst and repression in the world."
"The ability to fly, as someone else suggested, at fairly rapid speeds. This would vastly change society, no more cars, planes, elevators, stairs, possibly no more country borders, it would be nearly impossible to enforce. The demand for oil would plummet and the environment would be healthier."
"Extra longevity, with senescence happening only a few years before death."
- CanadianJogger
GiphyGenderqueer Garlic Bread
"Make an easily accessed and super powerful source of electrical energy that's renewable and environmentally friendly, it's also easily accessed (this could just be 100% efficient solar gen, or a generator that somehow turns heat back into useable energy? I dunno I'll be god, I could figure it out)."
"Cure All Diseases"
"Humanity now has the ability to magically transform themselves freely to look however they choose, provided it's still anthropomorphic."
"I'm genderqueer; this would make it so all the non-cis people wouldn't need expensive drugs and surgery, or suffering, although I guess we'd be dealing with a few furries but y'know that's fine with me."
"Reverse earth's environmental damage back to pre-industrial while maintaining all the infrastructure changes."
"Finally, all major US and Canadian highways are underground and infinitely maintainable, AND there's also Bullet Trains that run underground with them along the WHOLE interstate/400 Series and Extension/Trans-Can that way I NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE AN HOUR TO WORK AGAIN."
"AND all Cities with populations over 10K have more-than-adequate 100% free public transit that's also so efficient the busses/trains/trolleys/whatever are never late."
"OH one more thing: Since everyone is gonna be sexy because of the Shapeshifting, everyone is either pansexual, or ace, and the people that are ace aren't seen as weird and are completely respected in their orientation. And we all have an innate sense both to locate each other and to locate garlic bread."
- someBrokeCanadian
GiphyThe Timer
"I would set a timer for 10 years and then everyone dies and the earth explodes. I would make everyone aware of the timer."
"I think that would eliminate a lot of bullshit around the world like war and hate, and would make for a really good last time alive until we all die together."
"Am I a weirdo?"
- DoobieMcBeast
GiphySky Farm
"Erase COVID"
"Curse everyone whose name was listed in the Pandora Papers to spontaneously explode somewhere in public and just let the media chips fall where they will."
"Create a sky-dwelling jellyfish that eats carbon fumes and whose tentacles contain a chemical that makes you feel total euphoria for 8 hours straight."
"See how long it takes humans to turn them into a carbon-sucking, drug-producing sky farm animal."
- NebulaPlural
"I am 100% on board for carbon-Hoover-jelly-sky-fish-farms."
"Magnificent."
- sinskins
Giphy"Because Who Wouldn't?"
"I'd get rid of all mental impairment diseases and conditions. Alzheimers, Dementia, the severe mental impairment that some kids are born with (Not sure what the various conditions are called)."
"I would make humans and other animals immune to cancer. I would extend healthy human lifespans by another 50 years, and dogs and cats can also live as long as humans."
"I would then give humans the ability to research and cure other diseases and ailment so that mankind could eventually have treatments for such things as they come along. I say this because I only get an hour and things will appear in the future that can't be predicted (even with God's power)."
"And lastly, I'd of course, give my self a bigger dick, because who wouldn't?"
- ClownfishSoup
GiphyOh you didn't honestly think we were going to get through an article about god-like powers and NOT have someone use it for penises... did you?
Come on now.
You're not THAT new on the internet.
You know how people are around here.
What would YOU use your god-like powers for now that you've read some of Reddits ideas? Let us know in the comments.
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