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People Confess What It's Really Like To Raise Children They Don't Want

Raising children isn't for everybody. That is a cold, hard fact that everyone should really comprehend.

Being a parent is one of the most, if not the most, important jobs in the world, it's a calling really. And being a good parent is essential.

Being an unwanted human is the most devastating feeling in life. So that's why I get so aggravated when people try to push others to have children when they're not ready or are unsure.

There is so much avoidable pain and heartache by just being honest.

Redditor u/SniperGlizzy was wondering about some of the hard truths when it comes to parenting by asking people to share... [Serious] What is it like to have children you don't want?

"Not Me"

Kids are not for everybody, especially me. I have little patience and I'm selfish... but all in good ways. ; Just not in the ways that best rear a child. I love kids from afar. And giving them back to their parents after hanging out for a bit is the greatest feeling of all. It's too bad that the people on this thread realized that far too late.

Not the Plan

I girl I worked with had a five year plan. Get a designer man, have a massive wedding, travel to fancy hotels and have a baby. She managed it all except the baby.

Two years of IVF later and still no baby.

After a long adoption process they get a 6 month old. Three months later they give him back and divorced.

She realised that she had only wanted a baby because that what people did and that meant she was successful! She had never thought about what having a baby meant and what it would do to her 'perfect' life.

The husband couldn't live with what she had decided so left. At least the baby went to a couple who did want him eventually, instead of staying with her.

hartali

the law smh GIF by PoweradeGiphy

Thanks Bro...

I have custody of my brother's kids. I didn't want them. I already have one of my own. My brother's kids are not as well behaved as my children. It is very frustrating. I love them. I will protect them and take care of them. I find myself very upset by the fact that I just can't seem to love them as much as my children. It's depressing. I hate myself because I feel this way. I wish it was just my children a lot of the times.

My brother's kids put a strain on my marital relationship, because they act out so much. My brother is homeless and addicted to drugs, with really no hope of him getting better. Heroin sucks. I just wish it would go back to a family of three. 7 is just too much for most things. Want a regular sized vehicle with smaller monthly payments and lower insurance? Nope, gotta have something that seats 7 or more. Holidays? Gotta plan on a family size of 7 instead of three. It's frustrating.

I try so hard to not let my nieces and nephews see that I struggle with this. But kids are smart and I know they pick up on this. I hate that I can't just be happy with this. At least for their sake. Can't talk to family about it. I'm this hero who took the kids so they wouldn't end up in foster care or group homes. But I'm really not a hero. I stepped up because no one else would, but I don't think I'm cut out for it.

throwthisaway712

The Nanny

I was a nanny for a lady who really didn't want children but needed up having 5 because she loved her husband. Each of her pregnancies her medical condition got worse, with her youngest she had to be in the hospital for two months because she had so many kidney stones. Part of her condition is she produces kidney stones at a crazy rate, and they are rare stones that have a hook on them. Her kidneys are also more like a sponge looking organ than kidney, that aren't functioning over 25%. She would give her life for those kids even though she never wanted them.

Crappy part, when the youngest was 2, her health was declining a lot. And her husband, left her for a chick he just met because, and I quote "I'm sick of you being sick." I miss those kids so much and I miss her. She got full custody and has even better insurance now that her ex left her. And he pays huge in child support and alimony every month.

RedHearts21

Goals...

I don't know if I fall into that category, but sometimes I feel like I do. I love my kids, and I'm told I'm a pretty good dad, and sometimes I enjoy it... but most of the time it's just draining. I explain it as being like an introvert at a party full of strangers — it's not that caring for kids is painful or whatnot, just like talking to strangers isn't painful. It's just draining. It sucks the energy out of you, whether you're good at it or not.

At a party, my goal is that the people I talk with feel heard and cared about and have fun, and that no one knows I'm secretly watching the clock waiting to leave — and with kids my goal is that they're happy and engaged and feel loved and wanted and cared for, and don't think I'm counting the seconds to bedtime. But accomplishing that drains me.

I understand that there are people out there who enjoy spending time with kids, just like there are people who enjoy talking to strangers — and suffice it to say I'm just not one of them.

So I guess I want my kids, but what I really want is for my kids to magically be old enough that they're no longer draining, and for me to get my life back a little. I mean, I love them and I want them to be happy and if anyone ever tried to take them from me I would go to hell and back to prevent it.

But when was the last time I took a bike ride? When was the last time I looked forward to the weekend rather than seeing it as an exhausting slog? When was the last time I went into Monday a little rested, rather than just beaten down and exhausted? And, as importantly, when's the next time I'll get to do so? Five years from now? Ten? Will I be young enough to even enjoy it?

So, I don't know if I'm in this category — probably not. But I definitely do feel that way a lot more than I'd like.

SafetyDanceInMyPants

20/20

It set the tone for the rest of my life, one of those hindsight is 20/20 things. I honestly believe if I'd never had a kid, particularly as young and alone as I was in a very socially backwards area, I'd have made a lot more of myself. I know that could be taken as self-rationalization for lack of trying and failures. But I also know how I felt, how I have never bonded with my kid, and how both our lives could have been a lot better had I either waited to have her, or let another couple adopt her like I wanted but was forced out of the choice.

momisahamster

"Scars"

Oof those are tough tales. I pray that everyone who has been affected by these kinds of abandonment can find the mental help necessary. Children need structure and love so that they can feel safe. If you know in your heart you can step up for all of that, then just say it.

The Favorite

I was conceived to replace a baby boy that died. My mom was so disappointed I was a girl, she forgot my name for a while, and now I have 2 middle names. I had a brother growing up who was favored by both my parents, but he really was amazing. He was my favorite too. He died 5 years ago in a motorcycle wreck, and I'm the least favorite (my mom admitted this freely), also I am the last remaining child. *** Also, I don't care that my parents are disappointed that I was the one that survived.

I've made myself who I want to be. I only talk to my dad occasionally, and my mom became an alcoholic, because 2 of her kids died. I don't talk to her. Shrug. My life is separated from theirs, and I encourage other people to cut off the cancerous people, even if it's your parents. It's liberating.

Coloradorawks

MS 

I know someone who was diagnosed with MS and had 5 kids because each pregnancy her MS got better. She was a terrible mother. No involvement with her kids. Imagine growing up and at some point you figure out you were a medical treatment your mother was using to not have MS episodes.

PiratesAndPinaColada

8 of 9...

I grew up #8 of 9 kids, my oldest sister was responsible for raising each and every one of us, to this day she resents our mom for stealing her childhood. My sister has told us stories where as newborns we'd cry and my mom refused to get up and get us, she waited until my sister who was a full time student, to get up and take care of us while my mom just continued to lay in bed.

My mom knew she could continue to collect welfare as long as she had children in the house so she prolonged her welfare dependence by having so many children.

gianttigerrebellion

What A Woman Wants

I think this is a conversation that more women (especially), should have. You are close to being burnt at the stake if you confess that actually if you could turn back the clock, you wouldn't have children. I feel that these conversations may stop perpetuating this idea that 1) if you're a woman you will automatically adore your children 2) you have more options than just having children. Women do also go through things such at PND, and maybe others talking about it won't make them feel so guilty and alienated.

MD564

Checkout Time

Its like having some guests at your house that never never get around to leave for years, but you must take care of them to avoid getting into trouble and judged by others.

deepstatetraitor

Honesty First

I had genetic testing done during very early pregnancy to screen for congenital problems and mentioned I would abort if they were present. I had friends severely upset with me about this. I know I couldn't handle a disabled child financially or emotionally, I had to be honest with myself.

kitylou

Who is that Guy?

I remember having to stop at my dad's work, the receptionist leading me back to his office, and her gushing about what a great guy he is and what a diligent worker to put in so much overtime. Just listening to this woman fail to realize she was describing an absent father, and a mean one at that.

RealNewsyMcNewsface

Peer Pressure

This question makes me think of the guy who posted about having pressured his ex into having the baby when she found out she was pregnant. She agreed but only if she could give up all parental rights and (at time of posting) pays more than the required child support. He wanted to know if there was any way he could legally oblige her to take care of the child.

Like, this lady got pregnant, didn't want to have a child, and agreed to carry the pregnancy to term only if she had nothing to do with the baby besides paying child support.

Buuuuuut 1.5 years later the guy realized being a single father was hard and wanted to know if he had any way to legally force the bio mom to physically help raising their son.

I don't remember where I saw the post, might have been r/legaladvice

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf.

Webfunkk

Empty Feelings

I have spoken with a woman who feels nothing towards her kids. She had them because that is what the church requires and her husband wants them. But I don't think it's just the kids.

Even though she says she loves her husband I don't think that's what she feels for him. She was picked on severely growing up and he is really good to her. I think it's "thankfulness " that she feels and confuses it with love.

Anyways she knows that it's wrong (her words) to not love her kids and decided to view parenting as a project with the best possible outcome is have her children grow into healthy, happy and well adjusted adults.

She did clarify that she doesn't hate them or resent them. After all they were part of her life plan. So she made up a way following all the best parenting advice and making sure she follows through. For example, keeps track of how often she cuddles them (by minutes noted in her journal) and if she notices that she hasn't been doing it a lot she tries to correct it.

She also leaves discipline up to her husband because she doesn't want them to associate any negative feelings towards her.

She knows they'll eventually be able to recognize her lack of feelings towards them and will think her discipline came from a bad place.

From what she told me she has never explained any of this to her husband and he has no clue how she feels.

This conversation lasted about 4 hours and was the moment I realized that you can CHOOSE to be a good parent or a bad one. Regardless of how you feel it's never the child's fault and an adult is responsible for making up for what they lack.

Special_Custard6015

The 3

I have three (a girl and twin boys). I really thought I wanted kids because that's what I thought I was supposed to do... be a wife and have kids.

I love them, and I want the best for them. But I don't have the same connection to them that other moms seem to have. I don't miss them when I have to go on a long trip, I just feel relief. Having them home because of the pandemic has been really hard for me. I have a lot of guilt about it.

I don't withhold affection or anything, but I'm not a naturally affectionate person.

My husband is. I feel pretty lonely and left out when they're playing together, I feel like I don't belong. It's a weird dichotomy.

I don't really know. Even though I'm surrounded by family, it feels pretty damn lonely. I don't feel like I belong in my own life. I fantasize about taking off alone and living somewhere by myself. But I don't want to mess them up like that, they're innocent and don't deserve it. So I do my best, and hope I'll be alive in 10 years to be alone again.

ChristiOnionstrings

The Trap

Ex girlfriend baby trapped me. She stopped taking her birth control and didn't tell me. Then cheated on me while pregnant. (She was, and still is a sh*tty person) At that point, I wanted nothing to do with her and was not prepared to be a father. I was young and dumb and still learning who I was and what I wanted to do with my life.

She gave me the option to walk away and never see the kid again. I thought about it but couldn't bring myself to knowing my kid was out there was going to weigh heavily on my conscience.

It was difficult at times. While my friends were studying, partying, travelling I was working and learning to be a father. I didn't want this kid but here I was and I was going to make the best of the situation.

My daughter is 13 now and I have full custody. Her mother is a piece of crap and my daughter is old enough to know the difference. She's with me now and I couldn't be happier. My daughter is a driving force in my life. I need to be responsible, I need to be accountable, I need to be financially successful. It keeps me going forward and has really made the man I am today. Having a kid when you're barely 20 has ways of making or breaking someone. My daughter was the child I didn't want but ended up being what I needed.

phantaxtic

Point Blank

My mother point blank told us she didn't want children and my father had begged and begged her for me. Then my younger sister was an accident. It's always been an awkward, very strained and very tainted relationship. For a long time I held a ton of resentment and disgust for her. It's made me into what I consider to be a pretty great parent though- I wanted children and even knowing I'd be giving up sleep and freedoms I knew I wanted them to KNOW they were wanted, planned for, adored.

My dad remarried and adopted two children of his second wife's then they had one together, making us a family of 5. Now I get so much in way of a rich childhood for my children with all their cousins and aunt and uncles to love them. It's not always completely life ruining I suppose but it did have a profound affect on how the first half of my life went for sure, how I felt about myself.

StMungosHeartHealer

What Could've Been

A very close friend has two children (6 and 2 1/2), but really because her husband wanted kids and she knew he'd leave her if she stood her ground on not wanting kids.

She loves her kids with all her heart, but misses the life she could've had without them. Aside from work (just started her residency) all she does is being a mom, she has little to no time for her own hobbies anymore, and misses that a lot.

I can't say if the kids notice that, at their age, but I worry they might, at some point, or that she'll one day just crack and resent either her kids or her husband for taking that childfree life from her.

Vaiara

A Strong Son

My ex husband was emotionally abusive and, if I'm being completely honest with myself, forced me into getting pregnant 3 months after going into labor and losing our daughter at 20 weeks.

I wasn't ready and I hadn't really had a chance to grieve - he quit his job 3 days into my required maternity leave, so I had to go back to work as soon as physically possible.

Our son was 13 weeks early, spent two months in the nicu and cost over a million dollars in his first year.

Thank goodness for good insurance! Now my son is almost 7, his "father" hasn't been in the picture for years, and until recently, I was doing it all on my own.

My son showed incredible strength to grow big enough to breath on his own and come home, so I've made it my mission to give him a great life and make sure he never knows that I didn't want to be a parent after my daughter died.

MassiveConflict2465

Say it out Loud

My girlfriend had a 2 year old when I met her. He's 5 now.

I didn't plan to have kids, but I love her. I'm pretty much used to it, I teach him stuff and he's attached to my hip when he's here (joint custody with the father) but ideally I'd have preferred to not have a kid around.

I can deal though. He can be a little crap-head sometimes lmao. Also it's weird disciplining someone else's kid so I'm just getting there, I can see the betrayal in his eyes, I'm supposed to be like the fun uncle, getting on to him is weird.

Never really said that out loud this is liberating.

Dewy_Wanna_Go_There

Not Me

blackish tracee ellis ross GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy

I have kids and I wanted them. But, I was an unwanted kid. My mom and non-bio dad married when I was young.

He raised me, but I never felt love from him at all. He married her to get her out of a bad situation. I thought he didn't want kids, but when I was about 5/6, my sister was born. He wanted kids. He just didn't want me. I saw how different he was with her, and his other kids they had later. Those who have kids that you don't want—they're aware on some level.

madeofstarlight

Evil

I was the literal red-headed step-child, my mother married him when I was 4 years old. I'd get hit, locked in my room, and just assumed this was normal dad stuff. My brother was born when I was 8 years old - it killed me to note the difference. My primary function became almost full time nanny for him and later my sister. I remember getting beat because I wasn't doing a good job potty training brother.

The state removed me from the home after I was almost beat to death by him. F**k that guy - he died miserably of liver cancer. My mother never left him.

Every now and then well meaning aunties tell me I'll regret not being close to my mother, and I just kind of laugh. I made myself, without her, no need to try to wedge her back into my life.

misstatements

"the next kid" 

I've honestly thought about this question before. My son (14months M) was planned, and he is incredible, absolutely a light in our lives. On the other hand, I was super ill the entire pregnancy, depressed and struggling up until a few months ago. Now, this was made worse by two moves (military), and covid of course, but I never ever want to do this again. Not quite the same, but similar.

We get so much pressure on "the next kid" from friends and family, and EVERYONE assumes you'll have more.

I absolutely am one and done, at least biologically. I did not enjoy the baby days, and now that he's a toddler, he's amazing. I know two would just be above my capacity, and I would regret having another.

That being said, my husband and I are both really drawn to fostering, and will likely do so when we are at our final posting location and our kid is a bit older.

jawsmine

The Unwanteds

If you never had a mother it is very hard to be a mother. Raised by people to whom you were an unwanted burden, an imposition, the child who was always in the way - a person like that, like me, does not know how to love. You know you are supposed to - you see it on TV, in the movies, you read about it in books but somehow it never happens.

If you where born and raised in a place and time where there was no birth control, abortion was illegal, a lot of children were not wanted. And then the child became an adult who did not know how to love any thing. This is a common enough story, no one likes to hear it so it does not get told.

BarbKatz1973

Years of Bologna

I can tell you what its like being the unwanted child. I went to the dentist once in my first 17 years. I had broken my nose twice and I just had to walk it off. I never saw a doctor. I would get yelled at if my shoes wore out too quick and they were Payless $19.99 shoes. As soon as was able to drive the dinner table was only set for two instead of three because I could get my own food now.

My lunch was a Bologna white bread sandwich and an apple for 10 years straight. Fast forward I moved in with my grandma, she said she would help out with college if I helped out around the house. First few months she got me in the dentist fixed all my teeth and I got some braces on. Second I was a mouth breather so I went to a plastic surgeon fixed my deviated septum right up.

She also co signed on a car loan so I could get around. She embraced every friend that came to the house while growing my up friends hid from my dad because he was so mean. My grandma noticed that I would get home and run to my room and one day she told me I don't have to hide in there I can hang out wherever I want. Thats the difference between being a burden and being wanted.

lookssharp

That Woman

I read this Reddit story once that I have never been able to forget. It was a confession I think- can't remember the subreddit. This woman had a kid she didn't want, I can't remember the circumstance of whether if was her's or a dead sibling's. Anyway, she talked about how she felt so guilty for not loving him that she worked extra hard to give him a good life- all her money went toward his education and things he wanted. But the part I can't forget is that she had set an alarm on her phone to go off everyday to remind her to tell him that she loved him, because it didn't come naturally to tell him that and she was afraid of him not feeling loved.

That story is an amazing reminder that love comes in so many forms and looks different for everyone. She doesn't love him, but is so worried about his well being that she goes to lengths many, many people with kids would never consider to go to to make him feel wanted and happy. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

dental__DAMN

The "Good"Mom

I love my son, I would die for him, I'd kill for him if I had to.

Yet, if I could go back in time and not have children then I would. I was not prepared for a child, even though I worked, we planned this pregnancy. I was not prepared for how much I'd lose myself and my whole identity. I was not prepared for the sleep depravation, the constant screaming, the colic.

I think overall I had a very bad experience. I was very very sick after having a baby.

I will NEVER let my son know this, I will NEVER let my son feel he is unloved or unwanted. It was not his choice to be born.

EDIT:okay wow I did NOT expect this to blow up the way it did. To those calling me a good mom, thank you. To those saying I'm a terrible mom well I don't care what you say lol, this is why women do not talk about this kinda stuff and suffer in silence.

To anyone really struggling and want to talk to someone who won't give judgement please dm me.

dontwantanaccount

The Faker

I think my mom regrets having me. We have a weird relationship. She doesn't like me as a person and wasn't engaged with me as a child, but she did all the stuff she should do, and beyond. She just doesn't like me as a person. She's ok with my older brothers.

It's made me very convinced that if you don't want children, you shouldn't have them. It also makes me uneasy when parents judge other parents for not wanting their kids. There's not a good solution, but as an adult, I wish she had just raised me and not tried to fake liking me as a person through my 20s.

No-Abbreviations5280

Performance Art

My mom was very interested in performing motherhood in front of others, and I think she liked babies being completely dependent and unable to speak. Once I got older, started becoming more independent (more than my sister) she really started to dislike me. She was interested in the idea of motherhood, but not too keen on the work of being a mom. She gets along better with my older sister, but that's not saying a lot. My mom was very parent identified, so if she could have lived with her parents forever (without social judgment) I think she would have.

SharonWit

Big Thanks

Seth Meyers Thank You GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy

My husband and I just got married and I've been wavering about my childfree decision because I'm almost 30. I've been wondering whether I could tolerate a baby. This thread just reaffirmed my decision. Thank you all for being honest.

manimopo

Doing my Best

I can only speak on my experience. I had got pregnant for my neglect in not taking my birth control properly. I did NOT want a child, but I could not bring myself to abort either. Family pressure, I'll just say that. When she was born, I felt like I had postpartum depression (not diagnosed medically). I didn't want to be around her, feed her, change her, be with her. But... I did it anyway. My motherly instincts kicked in and I did all I could to keep her comfy and happy.

There were many times of regret and hopelessness that this little girl had flipped my world upside down and I was very unhappy with the way my life was going because of her. Suddenly, she started talking. She soon started walking. She started eating on her own. She started dancing, singing, and playing. She went to kindergarten. She started having a sense of style. She played video games with me.

She excelled in school. She understands meme culture without me having to explain it. She's beautiful and smart and I wouldn't change her for the world. Sure, there are still selfish moments where I would like to escape and be on my own and do my own thing. But more and more, I find myself thinking, "This might be more fun if my kid was with me."

Madmadamedrea

Bad Times

I am really not proud to share this, but I went through a period of bad drug addiction resulting from mental illness and an abusive relationship (with the dad) so I actually had a period of time where I didn't want my children. Not as in I didn't want them to exist, I do and always have loved them, but I didn't want them WITH me basically because I knew that I was incapable of taking care of any of us so I was constantly overwhelmed, exhausted, and just wanted everything to stop.

It was the worst and most heartbreaking period of my life because they deserved so much better and I knew it but I couldn't give that to them and every time they showed me any kind of affection I just wanted to break down because I didn't feel like I deserved it and didn't really know how to react.

I'm happy to say that I am now getting my crap together and we have a good relationship (I'm extremely grateful that they're still young and have no memories of the Bad Times.) At any rate, the problem was with me, not them.

Reddidnothingwrong

Call me selfish...

I helped raise my ex's 4 yr old until she was about 6 or 7. I never got used to it. Yes I loved her very much and would do anything for her. I just couldn't deal with the crying and lack of sleep and being disobedient. Everytime I wanted to do something like play a game, go the bathroom or have a conversation with her mom she always butted in. Also she was an only child and always wanted me to play dolls with her or something. I just couldn't handle someone needing my attention like that all the time. Call me selfish. I went from being single for years to being daddy. I just realized I cant do it.

Princessleiasperiod

Don't Ruin Lives!!

My sister got pregnant by a total piece of crap she knew for 3 months.

Nephew born, he split. Loves her son, but not enough to take care of him. She moved in with my parents and passed all parenting duties to them.

It's obvious she resents him. She screams at him over little things. Everyone is miserable.

dtorre

At 22...

It's been a mixed bag. I had my son while I was 22, strung out, and going through a massive depression phase. I worked hard and saved money, and then my dad passed away unexpectedly a few months before my son was born. My wife and son moved into our family home, and it was functional. I hadn't stopped using, and it became the only way I could function. I used so I could work on 2-3 hours a sleep a night. Outside of working, my wife wasn't very helpful. Then she got caught smoking pot in the house, and my mom tried to have her arrested.

We were kicked out, homeless, and we lost custody of our son in under a week. We managed to pick ourselves up slightly, but I we struggled to stop using. I finally got clean, and got a divorce. I moved back home, and my son was diagnosed with Autism. I was working three jobs, and taking classes. Eventually I started using again to be able to keep up with everything.

Long story short: I'm sober and my son is in college. I'm very thankful for my mother and family for helping me out, and providing a safe environment for my son to succeed.

I don't have a very close relationship with my family or my son (their choice). I don't think I ever will. I was there during very important times in my son's development, and I tried as best as I could, but it always seemed like everytime things picked up, it always came crashing down. I never wanted to have children of my own, and don't consider myself a parent even though others tell me I am. It's a difficult thing to reconcile, and i struggle with it often.

pettyoffset

Down the Drain

I'm an OB nurse. See it a lot. Also have a few coworkers in this situation. It's definitely hard being a spectator. One of my coworkers has a granddaughter no one wants and is two years old with ptsd due to her crappy living situation. When her 13 year old son got his girlfriend pregnant and my coworker started talking about it I naively asked/recommended abortion and now she doesn't talk to me unless I'm the only one around she can vent to. I just don't get it. This kids life is down the crapper already and she's two.

cheaganvegan

Chronic Issues...

I am an unwanted child. My parents had addiction problems to both drugs and alcohol. My mother abandoned me and my dad when I was two years old to be with her new lover. My father was in the midst of a crippling pain killer addiction. My grandparents ended up raising me and they did their absolute best, but all of their love was never able to fix the deep seated abandonment issues I was left with.

Now I am 26, married and have two children. I never wanted to have children but because of my past and wanting love more than anything, I let my now husband get me pregnant at 19 with our first, and then our son was a surprise 4 years later. I struggle with motherhood in ways that I can not articulate, but even so, I love my kids dearly.

Sometimes though, I find myself wishing they would grow up and get out. I struggle with chronic mental and physical health issues I am just now starting to get treatment for, so those things don't help. I tolerate motherhood a lot of the time, and I feel insanely guilty for never really loving actually being a mother. It is okay though, only sometimes I actually show my discontent with motherhood, so I am getting better.

Different-Front4456

Wrong

I love my son more than anything else in the world.

But he wasn't my idea.

My (now ex-) wife was dealing with mental health issues I still don't understand. It was one of the causes of intense stress in our relationship. Eventually she "decided" the "solution" was to have a child right away.

I told her we weren't ready, emotionally or financially, but I loved her so much (and still do) that I gave in. After all, I did want to be a father someday, so if starting a little too early could help bring us closer together, it would be worth it, right?

Wrong.

Now we have split custody, I'm at the lowest point in my life so far, our toddler son is struggling with the new reality of his broken family, and she's "doing great." At least that's what she says when she says anything to me at all.

I love him so much, he's the best kid in the whole world. He's the only good thing in my life. But I wonder every single day what life would be like if we had never had him.

And if I had never met her.

Whoever said "'Tis better to have loved and lost..." never met my lovely wife.

SomaYoga

Survivor

destinys child loop GIFGiphy

I am that kid that wasn't wanted, I'm old now, but it really shaped some huge insecurities in me that I have tried to figure out all my life. I made it, despite being unwanted.

Newstargirl

Choosing Differently

Man it's not like I don't want them let's get that out of the way. Would I have chose a different woman to have children with? Yes. She has a genetic thing that means she will have disabled girls no matter what and it's a 50/50 whether a boy will be disabled. We didn't know it was her until after our 2nd child. So it goes disabled boy, disabled girl then a regular normal boy. She booted me to the curb about 2 yrs ago and I had custody of the kids within 3 months. I've had 0 help from her or any of my family or hers.

She is off on meth having a blast of a life while I spend every moment changing diapers on an 8 yr old and a 5 yr old, going to therapies and just doing what I thought any dad would do in my situation. I have moments that i hate my life yeah but those pass and then the smiles my littles give me fix it all, sorry I know it doesn't fit your question exactly but I wanted to give a happier response than some on here have.

Foosie886

"ya know... if I miscarried I'd probably feel relieved" 

When my daughter was a year and a half old I unexpectedly got pregnant a second time (it was unexpected because I have pretty substantial infertility issues). I was not ready. I was exhausted as hell from my daughter being a typical toddler and a dog we rescued that needed constant emotional coddling. And hindsight makes it easier to see my depression was wildly out of control but I didn't realize it because my panic attacks were not. I would lay awake at night, in pain, wanting to vomit from heartburn, exhausted because my daughter decided sleeping through the night was no longer a thing and would think "ya know... if I miscarried I'd probably feel relieved" and other things along those lines.

And this went on for the whole pregnancy... right up until 32 weeks when I went into labor... and my son was dead. Gone for at least three days before I went into labor. Despite all the expected mental anguish and trauma, for just one single moment when we were driving home with empty arms and an empty car seat, I felt relieved. I have yet to forgive myself for that.

Maeberry2007

My Girl

My ex heard I was thinking of breaking up with her. 21 year old me was too stupid to realize that the condoms didn't just vanish all on their own and that the "it's totally fine bc I'm on birth control" story was a lie. She wasn't on birth control and had been telling people that she was gonna keep me no matter what she had to do.

Well, it worked for a while. I wasn't ready to have kids but I did want them eventually. I tried to do the right thing and married her and made it work for four years. Eventually the crazy witch decided that meth and lunacy was more important than her family so long story short, since my daughter was four it has just been the two of us.

I wish I could have avoided all the drama and pain that woman caused but to be 100% honest it's kinda worth it bc being a dad is the best. My daughter is 12 now and going into the teen years as a single dad is terrifying but i think it's gonna be alright. I'm glad I have her in my life even if I wasn't ready and had to deal with an abusive psycho to get her.

TH3YL1V3W35L33P

Know Your Limits

I'm not seeing a lot of first hand responses, so I'll jump on the grenade.

I have two sons who (despite loving them very much and wanting the best for them) my life would be much better if I hadn't had them. My whole life growing up I expressed doubts that I wanted kids, because kids freak me out. Everyone always said that it would be different when it's your own kids.

I'm sure for some people it is, but for me it's not.

I think I have some kind of phobia of kids. I'm on the autism spectrum (as is my oldest son), and I hate that I helped bring two people into this world that I can't be there for. I wanted to be a good father, and all things considered I'm still not terrible, but I don't enjoy time with my kids the way I should.

My wife and I separated when our boys were still young due to other issues in our relationship, she has since remarried to a great guy who is wonderful with our boys. She moved about 5 hours away but I still visit them on big holidays and their birthdays. I pay my child support without fuss. I'm happy knowing my boys are happy, but it's a weight taken off my shoulders that I'm not having to care for them, because I just can't.

If there was a moral to this story I would say that if you think you might not be able to handle kids it's perfectly okay to not have them. But make sure that's known early in the relationship. Don't expect your partner to change because they'll be expecting you to change as well, and one if not both of you will end up unhappy. The bonus moral is never trust someone who wants to use the rhythm method of birth control.

ChameleonSting

Silence the Bullies

I was made to feel that having children was my only use and that stuck with me hard. I have two kids and the last one was with my husband. He made me feel that way too and I got my tubes tied. I could scream at the freedom that my body is mine to do with as I please and everyone could go take a jump. Forget my family and that ex for gaslighting me and making me feel that because I was pregnant I had to keep them and forget me if I needed support. I used to scream and cry whenever I drove because I was stuck in a hole and no one would help me.

I overheard my mom talking to my sister through a cracked door that I was a witch because I was pregnant. I had to suffer mental abuse from parents who could hardly be brought to show their love. I talked to my husband about this a couple years later and he apologized and said he is ashamed for his part. My kids are 2 and 4 and I treat and teach them the best I can. You could say I spoil them but I call it love. I always keep in mind that I am better than my family, "shame on my parents for who I am, shame on me if I stay that way."

A quote from my corrections professor that I always remember.

Do I want kids... F**K NO but I have them and I'm going to do my best and be there for them. Forget people that bully you mentally, emotionally, and physically into doing their choices when it's your body.

Thats my burning rant about that.

project_saturn

Too Much Thinking

I was a planned, wanted child, and I have had a (mostly) happy life with parents who love me and who I love. But when talking about abortion with my mum, she said that if she'd known how badly I would suffer (I have fairly hefty depression), she wouldn't have had me. That was a hell of a thing to process.

allhailtheboi

The Lottery

Very few are answering the question, they are explaining what the feel like to be unloved or unwanted, some even describing what it's like if they never had kids. The question is "what's it like to have kids you don't want?"

The really grasp this concept, you need to understand it's not a sudden thing, it's a slow process; very very slow.

What you need to do, is before each Powerball drawing, go and buy a lottery ticket... then daydream about what your life would be like if you won. Every week, never be without a lottery ticket, and forever daydreaming about what you could be doing vs what you actually are doing.

It's mentally draining...

Another way to think of it is to get involved with a hobby you aren't interested in and don't want to do, but keep spending money on it and keep doing it. Then imagine what you would like to be doing instead, but keep doing the hobby you aren't interested in doing.

Diabolo_Advocato

Born of Need

I myself don't have an experience with such things but in my country Hungary we have a "family helping program" kinda thing (if there are any Hungarians here could you please find a reasonable translation for "családi pótlék"?) which means that if you have 3 kids you get 10 million forints (roughly $30.000) which leads to a lot of children being born out of need instead of love which is a big problem considering the financial status of over 2/3 of the country.

Molnar_Bence

The Other Life

I accidentally got pregnant when I was 24 because I didn't take my birth control correctly. (I gave her to a loving couple, and last I knew she was doing great) That pregnancy was honestly one of the worst things I've put myself through, and every now and then I wonder what things would be like if I had either not gotten pregnant, or had an abortion.

karimssr

Use Control

think winnie the pooh GIFGiphy

Being an unloved child is the greatest pain and destructive force a human being can endure. If you don't want a child use birth control. If you get pregnant anyway give the child up to an adoptive parent who wants a child to love.

NZT-48Rules

There is no shame in not wanting to be a parent. There are other important things to be in life. I've seen the damage firsthand in my family. When a person is unwanted they know it. They just don't understand why, and that kind of internalized pain, can ruin lives.

REDDIT

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People Share Their Very Specific Dating Restrictions

Reddit user AceofSpadesYT asked: 'What is your most specific restriction when it comes to dating?'

silhouette photography of couple
Sean Stratton on Unsplash

When it comes to dating, I have my mental checklist. The guy must be kind, intelligent, funny, and a movie buff. He must be adventurous but also doesn't mind a Netflix and Chill date night.

Most of this is similar to the mental checklists other people have. Of course, I can be flexible. If someone is nice and I'm having fun with them, they don't necessarily have to check all the boxes.

However, I have one specific dating restriction that is a dealbreaker regardless of how many boxes the person checks, and that's religion. I've never been a fan, and now I'm an atheist, and I would want my partner to be as well. That's because I want kids, and the last thing I want is for us to argue about how to raise the kids when it comes to religion.

I'm not the only person who has one specific dating restriction. Everyone has that one thing that is a dealbreaker when it comes to a romantic relationship. Redditors certainly do, and they are ready to share.

It all started when Redditor AceofSpadesYT asked:

"What is your most specific restriction when it comes to dating?"

It's Just A Joke!

"No cruel or rude pranks."

– detective_kiara

"I saw a post by someone whose boyfriend "pranked" her by pretending to be dead on the kitchen floor. That is exactly how she had found her previous partner, dead on the kitchen floor, which her current boyfriend knew. He was surprised she dumped him and didn't think it was funny."

– innocuousspeculation

We're (Not) Gonna Party!

"No party people. Nothing wrong with it, I just ain't dealing with that sh*t."

– PlantBasedStangl

"True. I like planning weekend stuff, but it has to be something meaningful - visiting a different city, movie marathon, mountain hike, fancy lunch, all okay. But... clubbing and drinking? How f**king old are we, 19? No thank you, I'm old and have no energy for listening to music I don't like while being surrounded by 50 people that I don't give a single half of a sh*t about."

– PlantBasedStangl

LOL

"Same sense of humor. I have 0 interest sharing physical space with someone who doesn't laugh with me."

– Legendary_Lamb2020

My Ears Are Bleeding!

"I'm a light sleeper. I cannot date a snorer. I can hear snores through ear plugs AND a fan blowing. It's not you, it's me."

– YourLocalOrca

At that point, it does sound like them 😂

– CuriousRedditor98

Funemployed

"Have a f**king job."

– Cuss-Mustard

"Found this difficult when I was funemployed. Was fortunate enough to be able to live off savings for a bit."

"People reacted oddly to it. “But what do you do???”"

"Was dating at the same time and some girls had the same sentiment. “You don’t have a job?”"

"I had a good enough job that I didn’t need one anymore. And one lined up 8 months from then. But there were two girls specifically who treated it as a deal breaker."

– DigNitty

"I had a similar situation. I worked a high-paying job for a few years that demanded a ton of my time and had crazy hours. It burnt me out badly and I lived off of the savings from that job for a while and tried to date now that I actually had free time. I had more money in my bank account during that time than at any other point in my life but so many people were put off by me being funemployed and assumed I was looking to leech. But I guess there’s really no way to know someone's history and hard not to assume. Now I work full-time and have way less money overall but it looks better..."

– Pinsit

Just Breathe

"No smoking. Ever. I'm not kissing an ashtray, or smelling an ashtray. Instant turn off."

–fishfood19

"100% I broke up with an old gf because she started smoking behind my back knowing I’ve got asthma and it was always a hard pass. She thought I was joking but it showed me that she was also untrustworthy."

– Jonowl89

That'll Do It

"I guess my husband restricts my dating."

– HeinousEncephalon

"My wife has the same rule. But the jokes on her, I get around it by dating her!"

– AuralRapist

Prehistoric Love

"Must like dinosaurs."

– Grungeceratops

"That goes without saying."

– Plain_Chacalaca

What's In A Name?

"Cannot have the same name as any of my relatives."

– Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

"My last ex had the same name as my Dad and I reeeeeeaally didn't like it. So, fair."

– severaltalkingducks

Be Polite

"If they’re rude to people they’ll never see again (Waitstaff, cashiers, etc) I’m out."

"I can’t respect anyone who doesn’t respect themselves, and when you’re not polite to people you’re disrespecting yourself."

– OctopusCandleCompany

God Only Knows

"When I was dating, you had to be an atheist. I don't mess with religion. And I genuinely just don't think atheists + religious people work out."

"And I know... There's going to be someone who comments (assuming there are enough upvotes) who says "I worked out with my spouse who's religious and I'm not!" but you're the exception. When it comes to making decisions long-term, how to spend your money, where you think you'll go after you die, not to mention basic morality (!), and if you have children - that's a huge hurdle."

– Lulu_42

"We worked it out. It's absolutely an exception and not the rule. Don't do it if you can avoid it."

– Alcoraiden

Let's Move Tonight (Literally)

"They need to be ok with cold weather."

"I grew up in the north, live in the south, and I'm tolerating it until I can move back north. If someone says they hate the cold it's an instant turn-off because I don't want to drag someone into a climate they hate."

"The same thing also applies to walkability. I want to move somewhere walkable, and I hope to meet someone with that same goal rather than try to talk them into it."

– ThePresidentCantSwim

"Let me know when you find this mythical northern walkable community."

– Partner-Elijah

My Purr-fect Match

"Cat has to approve."

– Possible-Source-2454

Non-Negotiable

"They need to be male. Kind of important."

– RMHaney

"So weird, I want the complete opposite."

– eightvo

Yeah, the male thing is kind of important for me too!

Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments.

Life is full of shock and surprise.

Apparently, that is part of the fun.

Who hasn't been left stunned by life events?

We always think we're immune to way too many things.

Anything and everything is possible.

It's important to be ready.

Redditor Bob_the_peasant wanted to hear about the things that have left people SHOOK, so they asked:

"What 'That can’t happen to me' thing happened to you?'"

I haven't been left that shocked that often.

I'm always expecting the worst, so I'm prepared.

But you never know.

I'm Dead

Snakes Imacelebau GIF by I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! AustraliaGiphy

"A snake fell out of a tree and bit me on the head."

"ETA: I have always been more scared of snakes than anyone I know, so it’s just so ironic that this happened to me of all people."

amanitachill

Crash Into Me

"A car crashed through my kitchen last year."

aster636

"I woke up to a truck parking in my bathtub 2 weeks before Christmas a few years ago. I watched my sink roll past my bedroom door followed by a hubcap. The driver managed to cross a median, 3-lane road, up an embankment, through an iron fence and between trees. He'd been involved in an altercation nearby and was fleeing the scene."

anjie59k

Hot Air

Swinging Hot Air Balloon GIF by Red BullGiphy

"My family and I were in a hot air balloon crash."

GymDoll2000

"My friend had one crash into her pool when she was a kid."

Environmental-Car481

This is why hot air balloons and skydiving are just a HELL no for me.

Always have. Always will.

Tragic

Cat No GIF by Looney TunesGiphy

"My wife cheated on me with my best friend. They’re moving in together next month. I’m in a new city thousands of miles away. I found out a month ago."

Tssodie

Bad Penguin

"Everyone else’s stories are very sad so here’s something a bit lighter. I’ve mentioned this story before but I got bitten on the neck by a penguin."

"I was at an event where the local zoo had a penguin and owl sitting on tables with handlers so you could take a picture next to them. The penguin went for my glass of wine, I moved the wine, and it bit me on the neck hard enough to bruise. They removed the penguin after that. 😂."

archaeologistbarbie

All Gone

"Our house burned in a wildfire, we lost absolutely everything we owned and only salvaged a single coffee 3 cup."

"On the good side: There was a boy I crushed on all through high school. We went to summer camp together and I adored him. We ended up getting together in our 20s after reconnecting, and have now been together more than 20 years, married almost 17. We’re as madly in love as ever."

toomuchisjustenough

Good Luck

"Homelessness. It came swiftly and out of nowhere. had no savings and the landlord sold the house I was in. couldn’t afford a new place so lived in my car with my dog for a few months. ended up finding community assistance and got into an apartment."

jumbospicyslimjim

"I can’t even imagine being in that situation. Hopefully, this is just the start of things turning around for you. Sending you good energy!"

frappbarqueen

Early Michael Myers

"About 10 years ago, I was stabbed in the arm with a flathead screwdriver. It was a coworker whom I had previously gotten along well with. He had stopped taking benzos and smoking weed a few days before and was on a hair trigger. I said something sarcastic, and he just snapped."

Mr_Spaghetti_Hands

Bad Landing

Bad Day Seagull GIF by Sound FXGiphy

"I was lying on the beach and a seagull flying very high took a poop and it went straight in my mouth."

Competitive_Show6205

This is why I say... "Never trust a seagull!"

They are minions of the devil.

Person cooking in home kitchen
Conscious Design on Unsplash

We've all heard the phrase, "You can't eat at everybody's house," but some of us have a few examples of our own to live by.

From not properly cleaning the environment to questionable hygiene ourselves, there are countless reasons why a person may not want to eat what you've cooked after watching you prepare it.

Bracing themselves, Redditor 195901 asked:

"What is your 'you can't eat at everybody's house' horror story?"

Fly Spray Sandwiches

"I told my dad my sandwich tasted like fly spray at my grandma's house. He didn’t believe me."

"Two days later, I caught my grandma spraying the benches 'clean' with the two-dollar fly spray you find at the cheap store."

"Dad figured it was safe to make sandwiches straight on the countertop because they looked clean. I dragged him over to see and he apologized and took my sister and me for fish and chips for lunch."

- littlehungrygiraffe

Special Seasoning Deviled Eggs

"My crackpot aunt served us a lovely tray of deviled eggs, complete with very old paprika sprinkled on top. So old, in fact, the many weevils mixed in it were dead."

- PhoneboothLynn

A Disturbing Surprise

"I visited a friend's house who was living with his mother, and she asked if I wanted a coffee and I said I would."

"Upon getting to the bottom of the cup and taking the last few gulps, I found there was a used bandaid stuck to the bottom… I never ate or drank there again."

- MrRailton

In Need of Child Protective Services

"I was babysitting a kid in a pretty dirty house. I was told to wake him up, supervise bathing and changing clothes, and feed him. I was welcome to whatever was in the fridge. Okay. The house and his clothes were filthy."

"Then, when I opened the cabinets, floods of roaches poured out. There were roaches in every opened box and container."

"I took him back to my house and returned him later that day. I hope the boy ended up in a better situation. I found out CPS (Child Protective Services) got involved shortly after."

- Alltheprettydresses

Traumatized by Raisins

"I was gonna complain about raisins in the potato salad but the other comments on here are scary. Oh my god."

- tcumber

"When I was a young kid, I stayed over at a friend's place, and his mom made veal or something with godd**n raisins INSIDE the meat somehow. It was so nasty, I never forgot it."

- User2716057

You WISH That Was Vinegar

"My MIL fished around in the green bin (compost bin) with her bare hands, didn't wash them, WIPED her GARBAGE JUICE HANDS on the tea towel, and then WENT BACK TO PREPPING THE SALAD."

"She also got horrifically offended if I didn't want to eat at her house."

- 116843189

Poor Home Hygiene

"My first boyfriend’s parents invited me for Thanksgiving. I came over a few days before Christmas and all the same dirty dishes from Thanksgiving were still in the kitchen. I passed on coming over for Christmas dinner."

- MinimalistHomestead

Every Surface Covered

"I went to a friend's house after school, he was going to teach a group of us to play D&D (Dungeons and Dragons)."

"We got there and his house was disgusting. I'm not the neatest person but the carpet hadn't been vacuumed in forever, clothes were all over the place, and dirty dishes were stacked everywhere."

"I tried to be polite even though the place reeked, but at some point, he was like, 'Who wants snacks!'"

"He picked up a bowl that was crusted with stuff, splashed in some water, wiped it with a towel that clearly hadn't been washed that decade, and poured chips into it. Then he asked if we wanted to stay for dinner. We did not."

- KnittinAndB***hin

O Holy Expiration Dates

"When I was a kid, Christmas Eve was always celebrated at Grandma's. I always got sick afterward. Like, Merry Christmas, you're going to puke now."

"It wasn't until I was all grown up and helping her out in the last weeks of her life that I learned why. She did not believe in expiration dates on anything!"

- SundayMorningTrisha

An Immune System to Remember

"My grandma made me a food phobic from a young age. Whether it was ramen with moths floating on top, or chunky milk in my cereal, it just scarred me for life."

"Dinner at her house was always a fight. Not eating her food was not an option. I'm not sure why that was the hill she would always choose to die on, because she was an amazing grandma other than this."

"Expiration dates aren't a thing. If the cheese was moldy, you cut it off... I think living through the great depression and raising kids in poverty changed her mindset on food."

"I mean obviously, she's doing something right because she's 91. She must have the immunity of a superhero."

- tha_stormin_mormon

Neighborly Love

"I used to help an old neighbor out with grocery shopping, I’d drop the bags at her door and she’d give me a check for the amount of groceries. She’d give me homemade cookies once in a while, chocolate chips."

"I didn’t ever eat them because one time I caught sight of her apartment. It was a large studio, a small kitchen, and tv, and a bed/couch. And there were about 20 cans of cat food, half-eaten, and one million flies and small maggots in different stages of growth, dishes with crusty food stuck to them, and a wall of empty beer cans."

"After I saw that, and got a whiff of her apartment, I started helping her with taking garbage out and putting groceries away, cleaning out her fridge, and making sure her cat was healthy."

"A couple of months later, she got the virus, ended up at a rehab facility, and passed within two weeks."

"Some people need help and a little company…"

- SnooPeripherals6557

No Longer Rice

"A girl I was interested in at the time had cats. I came to her house one day to pick her up for a date and he had a large sack of rice open in her pantry with the pantry door open."

"One of the cats hopped out of the sack of rice and she just casually laughed at it like, 'Oh, they are always getting into things.'"

"I came over the following weekend that SAME sack of rice was in the pantry and I could hear one of them tussling around in it again, we stopped dating sometime after that but anytime she offered to cook for me I immediately pivoted to taking her out to eat instead."

- justad**nfool

"Those cats probably used it as litter."

- Anonymanx

"Yeah, that was my fear."

- justad**nfool

Could Have Warned Her

"My mom told me one about going over to her aunt Virginia's house. She, her parents, and her siblings were sat around the kitchen while her aunt cooked, and my mom could not figure out why no one else was having ANY of this incredibly delicious bread that was on the table."

"She was on her third slice when her aunt stepped out to do something else, and my mom was told by her brother to go look in the flour bin."

"It was absolutely filled with miller moth larvae. Aunt Virginia had been losing her eyesight for years."

- smoothiefruit

"It's f**ked of her parents not to warn her not to eat the bread... like, what the f**k, you KNOW the bread isn't safe, so you're not eating it, but you're fine with letting your daughter have three slices?"

- whydontthissitework

Bad to the Point of Malnutrition

"I graduated high school at 6' 10" tall, but weighing only 120 pounds."

"That's not skinny, that's emaciated."

"The food prepared by my bio-mom was so bad that it wasn't providing me with the nutrients or calories I needed to survive. I went off to college where I had to cook for myself (I wasn't allowed to cook at home because my father insisted that "cooking was women's work")."

"Not only did I discover that food didn't have to be burnt to a crisp, flavorless, or boiled until everything was grey. I also discovered that food can be made to taste good, and using things like salt, or pepper, spices, or various condiments can make it taste amazing."

"The "freshman 15" likely saved my life."

"The thing is, I don't think that my biomom was even aware that her food was that disgusting. Whenever we went out for dinner (which was more often than what my father wanted, but he was the one who insisted on going), she did nothing but complain about how the food was undercooked, 'practically raw,' or 'too spicy,' to eat."

"When she went to other people's houses (including her own extended family) she would criticize them for 'doing it wrong' when she watched them cook anything. She would often end up refusing to eat their food because she 'watched them ruin it,' when they cooked it. We never had guests over to eat her cooking. Ever."

- Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

Clean Hands

"We have a chili contest every year at work around Thanksgiving and I've stopped participating in voting for it because I want to know whose I'm eating before taking any. I work with some great people, but I wouldn't eat at or anything from their house. Strangely enough, the guy I absolutely despise I'll gladly eat his chili because he is clean and well kept and I know his house is."

"I also work with a bunch of people who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom in any capacity and we've secretly kept a list so to avoid any potlucks where they take food or to get food before they do."

- SafewordisJohnCandy

We're left with chills after reading these stories.

Where some people might make some mistakes in the kitchen out of just not knowing, like not properly washing rice before cooking it, most of these are just careless mistakes that have disgusting, if not dangerous, results.

Collection of VHS tapes
Bruno Guerrero/Unsplash

What makes us all unique is our passions and the things we love, whether it's singing in the shower, reading books, or listening to specific music artists.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are judged for our various tastes and interests thanks to social media, and it makes us consciously selective about sharing the things we love on the internet.

Curious to hear about people's personal desires under anonymity, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?"

These aren't really chores for the following Redditors.

Good Clean Fun

"Mopping, im a janitor and generally hate my work... but damn mopping is so good."

– MrDDog06

"When you have a great rhythm going it is something special. I get the same feeling while I vacuum, but won’t let my wife know I enjoy it."

– Bogus_34

Act Of Unwrinkling

"Ironing clothes. A dozen of them. Can’t explain how it relaxes me. I told one person and they looked at me like I’m crazy."

– eerie_white_glow

"My mum misses the days when dad would be out on a Friday night, my brother out with friends and me upstairs quietly playing PS1. She would pour herself a Bacardi & Coke and do the ironing while watching her TV shows."

"I'm sure she doesn't really miss it now that we've moved out and they've retired but it was her wind-down after a busy working week so I can see how people can find it relaxing."

– xdq

Our solo actions can spark joy.

Big Brother Is Watching

"pretending to be on the Truman show and whenever im in my house i act all inconspicuous so they dont know that i know that they’re watching me."

– Bec_121

"C’mon man, you’re not supposed to let him know. You signed a contract when signing up for live views. I’m reporting you."

– doeswaspsmakehoney

The Multi-Tasker

"Playing video games naked at home while eating cheese."

– thickening_agent

Releasing The Kraken

"I love the feeling when you've eaten good fibre and let out a solid long train log in the toilet. That feeling is heavenly."

– therapoootic

"Even better when it’s a clean wipe and not a poo crayon."

– TheWarmestHugz

Ultimate Comfort

"My (male 41) weekend routine is coming home from work, make hot chocolate, start a fire, dress in a ugly pink nightgown made for old ladies and watch forensic files."

– crazyloomis

Some people are obsessed with collecting things.

So Kawai

"Sanrio stationery stores. All those different multicolor pens, a thousand kinds of erasers, spiral bound notebooks galore... my kids sadly have absolutely no appreciation for this wonderland..."

– HavingNotAttained

It's A Staple

"Office supplies have a weird, special place in my heart ever since I was a kid. They don't even have to be 'cute' necessarily."

"Japan's legendary stationery stores is unironically a reason I want to go."

– _CozyLavender_

Not Caring Anymore

"The older I get the shorter that list gets. Not because I love less things, but because I don't care about hiding it."

– Bi-Beast

"YES!! I'm 53 now. I'm working my first job in public since 2006. Today is Halloween and we're allowed to dress up so I am sitting here waiting to go to work dressed as a VERY bad Wednesday Addams. My bf said I'd 'look stupid' because no one else will probably dress up and I'm like, 'WHO CARES!' My makeup looks horrible and not like I practiced, but I DO NOT CARE! I'm having fun with it anyhow and I don't care if my coworkers dress up or not. I'm bein' ME! :)"

– deanie1970

Honorable mentions start here.

The Savior

"Picking up worms from the street and sidewalks when it rains and moving them into the dirt so they don’t burn in the sun, every time it rains I do this."

– sky_kitten89

Hero Of The Moment

"Yoooo I scoot SO many snails and worms. I work as a tech/mechanic at an automotive shop, I had a peoject car towed to my house the other day and it was covered in snails. I saw them when the tow guy/coworker was unloading and I was like, 'oh! It comes with free snails!' and began moving them. He laughed then realized and said, '... Oh, you're serious. Uh... Okay.'"

"I don't care who knows it. These little things barely can look out for themselves, why shouldn't we if we can take a moment to help? I don't care what happens next, it probably doesn't matter overall but I can help this moment."

– chris14020

Why should some of the hidden desires mentioned above have to be secret?

Redditors opening up about some of these would make them a hit at parties–no shaming.

As a matter of fact, I'll totally be down for a Forensic Files viewing party where we all make hot chocolate, light the fireplace, and cozy up together in our respective pink ugly nightgowns for old ladies.