People Slam The Lamest Motivational Sayings They've Ever Heard
You ever in a bad mood so deep that somebody tries to cheer you up and all you can hear is "Bullsh-t!" Well, you're not alone. It's a common human experience. Not every glass can be half full.
jbyrd13 asked Reddit:
Here are some of the responses.
Constantly Working
"Just be yourself."
"Myself" is a 400 pound sack of sh-t who does nothing but eat pizza and play video games. That's who I'd be if I let myself be "myself".
What I TRY to be is the best version of myself. That's why I work out, go to school, study another language, stay in touch with friends and family. To improve, and not settle.
Syntax
I was just thinking about this the other day.
Everything (does) happen for a reason (because of previous events).
Everything (does not) happen for a (future) reason (that is of supposed greater purpose).
It's such a nothing statement.
Where's My Money, Though?
Do what you love and the money will follow.
Being Dishonest With Your Feelings
I think variations on "stay positive", because it's made out like you should always be happy and positive about everything. They don't tell you that you need to reflect and what brings you down sometimes.
Where Does It End
"Work hard, and good things will come."
Sometimes it's true. Sometimes it's completely untrue and you work hard at a sh-tty job for the rest of your life and wish you were dead.
What Do I Have
Someone always has it worse.
Sure. But, this is my issue right now. Feeling sorry for some homeless dude at this moment isn't going to fix my busted -ss car so I can get to work.
Begetting Work
"You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want." - Zig Ziglar
A Grain Of Salt
"Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." (BS- there will be days where Doritos & COD sound way better than your passion for woodworking.)
"Love is never having to say you're sorry." Been married 2 years, totally in love- still apologize probably 8 times a day for dumb crap that I do.
A Lover AND A Fighter
"if you love something let it go, if they don't come back they were never yours in the first place."
F-ck that. Fight tooth and nail for what you want. Don't let go until you know for sure it's a lost cause.
Yes, AND....
Good things come to those who wait. Sure patience and waiting have their time. But so many things need action and perseverance and so many people just need a kick up the butt to get them moving. Good things come to those who work for them.
Logic
"God never gives you more than you can handle." What? People encounter things that kill them. It you take a bullet to the head and then you die, that was more than you could handle.
Are You Irish?
"You make your own luck!"
That's literally not what luck is!
????????
"A bird in the bush is worth two in the stone". What the f-ck does this even mean?
I Think You Misunderstood
"Don't count your eggs before they hatch."
Chickens and eggs are both edible, you know.
Live By This
"You gotta fake it, till you make it!"
That doesn't take into account how much people enjoy exposing frauds.
Taking To An Extreme
You can do anything you put your mind to.
I had a debate once because my step mother once said that, and so I asked her "Am I able to time travel back to 1568 build a solid aluminum tower through the sun within 20 seconds" all she said was, if you put your mind to it.
Reality
The general consensus in this thread is that the saying "you can have it all" is bullsh-t.
That's right on target.
You're not going to be a rock star. Or a famous actor. Or a champion athlete. No matter how much positive thinking you engage in, you're not going to make millions.
If you work hard, you might wind up being a session player in that famous band. Or an assistant coach on that team. Or a producer on that hit sitcom. And that's okay.
Not everybody gets to be the star of the show.
I'm In Control
You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most.
I hang out with less than 5 people regularly so how should I interpret that?
Also the saying that people with an active social life are happiest but i genuinely feel happiest when my social life is nearly though not completely nonexistent. An active social life still makes me less happy than a nonexistent one but a very minimal one is ideal for me.
Yoda
"There is no try, only do." it's a way of making people feel like sh-t for not being perfect at something right out of the gate under the guise of motivation.
Dreaming Wide Awake
Follow your dreams. I think the majority of people actually do.
Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.
Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.
U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?
Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.
Call outs are a universal language.
In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".
We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."
Be your own Easter Bunny.
Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF
Giphy
You could hide your own Easter eggs.
The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.
That’s cold.
“At this point, you can only impress me."
This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."
I lol’d.
I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".
Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".
It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?
When the bears are smarter than the tourists.
GIF by Smokey Bear
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Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.
That’s a gross mental image.
In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".
In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.
Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".
It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.
Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:
Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"
Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."
Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"
Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."
These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.
Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.
eric cartman GIF by South Park
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On a Canadian jobsite
Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.
Oof, that’s harsh.
He's so far behind he thinks he's first.
I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”
Those are some gross socks.
Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".
"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.
In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.
A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm