People Slam The Lamest Motivational Sayings They've Ever Heard
You ever in a bad mood so deep that somebody tries to cheer you up and all you can hear is "Bullsh-t!" Well, you're not alone. It's a common human experience. Not every glass can be half full.
jbyrd13 asked Reddit:
Here are some of the responses.
Constantly Working
"Just be yourself."
"Myself" is a 400 pound sack of sh-t who does nothing but eat pizza and play video games. That's who I'd be if I let myself be "myself".
What I TRY to be is the best version of myself. That's why I work out, go to school, study another language, stay in touch with friends and family. To improve, and not settle.
Syntax
I was just thinking about this the other day.
Everything (does) happen for a reason (because of previous events).
Everything (does not) happen for a (future) reason (that is of supposed greater purpose).
It's such a nothing statement.
Where's My Money, Though?
Do what you love and the money will follow.
Being Dishonest With Your Feelings
I think variations on "stay positive", because it's made out like you should always be happy and positive about everything. They don't tell you that you need to reflect and what brings you down sometimes.
Where Does It End
"Work hard, and good things will come."
Sometimes it's true. Sometimes it's completely untrue and you work hard at a sh-tty job for the rest of your life and wish you were dead.
What Do I Have
Someone always has it worse.
Sure. But, this is my issue right now. Feeling sorry for some homeless dude at this moment isn't going to fix my busted -ss car so I can get to work.
Begetting Work
"You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want." - Zig Ziglar
A Grain Of Salt
"Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." (BS- there will be days where Doritos & COD sound way better than your passion for woodworking.)
"Love is never having to say you're sorry." Been married 2 years, totally in love- still apologize probably 8 times a day for dumb crap that I do.
A Lover AND A Fighter
"if you love something let it go, if they don't come back they were never yours in the first place."
F-ck that. Fight tooth and nail for what you want. Don't let go until you know for sure it's a lost cause.
Yes, AND....
Good things come to those who wait. Sure patience and waiting have their time. But so many things need action and perseverance and so many people just need a kick up the butt to get them moving. Good things come to those who work for them.
Logic
"God never gives you more than you can handle." What? People encounter things that kill them. It you take a bullet to the head and then you die, that was more than you could handle.
Are You Irish?
"You make your own luck!"
That's literally not what luck is!
????????
"A bird in the bush is worth two in the stone". What the f-ck does this even mean?
I Think You Misunderstood
"Don't count your eggs before they hatch."
Chickens and eggs are both edible, you know.
Live By This
"You gotta fake it, till you make it!"
That doesn't take into account how much people enjoy exposing frauds.
Taking To An Extreme
You can do anything you put your mind to.
I had a debate once because my step mother once said that, and so I asked her "Am I able to time travel back to 1568 build a solid aluminum tower through the sun within 20 seconds" all she said was, if you put your mind to it.
Reality
The general consensus in this thread is that the saying "you can have it all" is bullsh-t.
That's right on target.
You're not going to be a rock star. Or a famous actor. Or a champion athlete. No matter how much positive thinking you engage in, you're not going to make millions.
If you work hard, you might wind up being a session player in that famous band. Or an assistant coach on that team. Or a producer on that hit sitcom. And that's okay.
Not everybody gets to be the star of the show.
I'm In Control
You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most.
I hang out with less than 5 people regularly so how should I interpret that?
Also the saying that people with an active social life are happiest but i genuinely feel happiest when my social life is nearly though not completely nonexistent. An active social life still makes me less happy than a nonexistent one but a very minimal one is ideal for me.
Yoda
"There is no try, only do." it's a way of making people feel like sh-t for not being perfect at something right out of the gate under the guise of motivation.
Dreaming Wide Awake
Follow your dreams. I think the majority of people actually do.
We're all well aware of the weird, horrible, predatory things men do when attracted to women. But what about when women are the culprits?
Though it seems that, statistically, men are problematic at a WAY higher rate than women, there are certainly times where the person bringing the creepy vibes is, indeed, the woman.
Some men of Reddit gathered to share the most bizarre and uncomfortable things a woman has ever said.
AidenTheGamer14 asked, "Men of Reddit, what is the creepiest thing a girl has ever said or done to you?"
For some, it was the stalkers.
The cryptic behavior and frightening detective work of ex-lovers can be unparalleled.
Some Light Sleuthing
"Found out my address from the phone book, this was the 90s, sat outside my house for multiple nights, all night just watching my house, I live in the middle of the woods miles outside of town."
"We only had one date and agreed to leave it at that. I found out sometime later what she had been doing."
-- crooky50-dc
Plot Twist
"Girl I was dating asked if I had changed the locks since breaking up with my ex months prior. I'm like 'No, but she wasn't a crazy person so I never worried about it.' She says if I don't change the locks she ain't comfortable sleeping over, so I change the locks."
"This ex sends me an angry text the next day 'So you changed your locks huh? Real nice a**hole.' So she had been coming over this whole time and doing who knows what."
-- Joey42601
She Stopped at Nothing
"She kept writing me letters at every address I lived at during that five-year period. If she didn't have the address she'd send them care of my parents. The most memorable is the one where she told me she was married and 'he's a great guy but he's not you.' "
"Once not long after I'd moved to a new address I came home and found a box of cookies she'd FedExed to me. Eventually I moved to a new state. I knew from her return addresses that she lived and worked there, and was worried we'd run into each other but realized that was pretty unlikely."
"Then after less than a year, she found me through a blog I was keeping and left a message on my voicemail demanding we meet. I posted a message to her on my blog telling her to stop harrassing me or I'd call the police (up to that point I'd been ignoring her, hoping she'd take the hint). That night she called, I repeated my threat to bring the authorities in, and I haven't heard from her since."
-- JedLeland
Others dealt with the creepiness on the internet. With so many avenues of communication all around us, uncomfortable comments can come from all directions.
Phony Warnings
"Someone I considered a friend started to grow feelings for me, but when she found out I had a girlfriend and I didn't feel the same for her she found out who my girlfriend was somehow. She then DM'd her and tried to tell her that I was cheating on her with her."
"Luckily I was with her when she got that DM so I could explain the situation and then we blocked her. Next day she DM'd her again from an alt account."
Worst Kind of Pen Pal
"I started a new job, and I shared a small office with a woman my age (and a couple other people). She was kinda cute but also weird and super naïve (she grew up in a very rural area). She'd flirt with me a lot, but I wasn't interested."
"So she started sending me emails."
"They were super long, detailing her whole day. And she sent them to me every day. I never responded. Then one day she sent me this long email confessing her love. I replied with the (very obvious) reasons why it wouldn't work and asked her to stop sending me emails every day. She didn't."
"They kept coming. This went on for months. I asked her in person and online to stop, but I still got these email memoirs every day. Eventually I had another female office mate who was her friend have a talk with her. Finally the emails stopped."
-- RPShep
That's A Lot of Passwords
"I've had a girl create about 50 different Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram accounts all to try to get me to friend her. I've never met this woman in person and yet every few weeks I'll get a handful of friend requests from her"
-- keldog361
Terminal Catfish
"Met this girl online and talked to her a bit. I did started to like her."
"Later found out that the pic she showed me of herself was actually a pic of her friend who had passed away due to cancer."
-- Immortal1h1
Poor Host
In my early 20's I was at a party and the hosting woman full-on tried to reach down my pants to grab my business."
"Strange, yes, what made it creepy is that we were right in front of her mother, who was cheering her on."
-- BauranGaruda
Breaking Out the Scroll
"After 6 months from our breakup, my ex called me because she wanted to see me. It seemed strange to me but I accepted. When we met she was friendly and all..."
"Then at a certain point she pulls a sheet in which there was written a list of all men she fu**ed after our relationship and she read it all to me, with accurate description of every sexual intercourse. Well it was an awkward moment."
-- Omoi_
Getaway Vehicle
"I was going to head home after a night out and a I was getting into my taxi a girl jumped in after me. I asked what they were doing and she said 'I'm coming home with you.' "
"Nope. Taxi driver helped me and she got out the car eventually when I shot down her advances."
-- Stuf404
Again, it's important to read this thread and remember that this is a bias sample, solely focused on the incidents where a woman did act creepy.
But, yes, it happens out there.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
We've all heard how parenting is a full-time job. So it's not surprising to learn that parents have discovered plenty of quirks and methods to make things just a little bit more efficient during that eternal slog.
Sure, taking care of one's kids is an absolutely heartwarming, unparalleled joy at times. But parents are humans too, and they cut corners to make things move along or to generate an outcome they prefer.
Unfortunately, some of those shortcuts can have long-term side effects.
A group of Redditors gathered to share the examples they knew all too well.
Capable-Parsley2368 asked, "What 'parenting trick' can actually f*** up a child?"
Many people described the ways parents, to make their kids behave in a desired way, do things that are a bit emotionally manipulative.
It's a kind of "at all costs" approach that can be damaging.
The Adult in the Room
"Giving kids the Silent Treatment when they're in trouble, honestly teaches them to shut down when things get difficult rather than talk things through."
"I am personally unlearning that behavior to this day because of how often my mom did that."
-- hazey227
Inflicting Fear
"Pretending to ring the police when you've done something bad." -- Scoobyginger25
"Scare tactics. My mom was always telling me horrible stories to scare me not to do things. Like yes I get it, I won't play by the train tracks or the canal but it seemed like everything I wanted to do had a scary story to go with it."
"Even when I was going to college and trying to decide on a career. Oh you don't want to do that because so and so did that and are now homeless, divorced, depressed, etc." -- zeldessa
Dropping a Bomb
"My mom would always tell me right as i was heading out the door for school that i was in trouble and we needed to talk when i got home. She would never give any clue to what it was but would let me know i was in some sh**. I'd spend the entire day wondering what i did wrong and thinking i was a bad kid.
"9 out of 10 times it had to do with my grades, school was a huge struggle for me."
Beware of Bullfrogs
"My dad would take us camping a lot. He didn't want us getting lost in the woods so he would tell us the sound we heard (bullfrogs) was actually a water monster that will drag you underwater or deep in woods to eat you."
"I think most old school parenting was terrifying your kids to keep them out of danger."
Other people discussed the times their parents were blatantly dishonest. These Redditors didn't always notice the truth at the time, but 20/20 hindsight sure clarified some issues.
Just Say No
" 'Next time' promises to make the child not complain, but are never fulfilled. It only leads to trust issues." -- macncheese_z
"They also lose their power quickly when the kid knows there will be no 'next time.' Which makes them fight harder for 'this time,' causing the entire goal of promising 'next time' to go unfulfilled along with the trust issues."
"Which is what I like to call an 'epic gamer move' " -- KalebMW99
The Hot Gossip
"Reading diaries or journals, (text messages, emails). It's a huge violation of trust and will cause kids to bottle emotions up instead of expression through creativity. If you think something is wrong or that they are in a bad situation choose to sit and talk with them in earnest."
Convoluted, Indirect
"Extreme euphemisms that are almost lies to make bad news less harsh." -- kaida_notadude
"Seriously. Just tell the kids whats going on. If you want to soften the blow, take them out somewhere nice to put them at ease, but give them the truth."
"Kids can handle a lot more than we give them credit for, and telling them the truth without blurring it all up with euphemisms helps them process information more clearly." -- CaptainHindsight212
Last, some people realized that their parents had good intentions, but totally missed the mark about implementing them. These parents wanted what they felt was best for the child, but getting there, they did the worst.
In Your Ear Forever
"Putting down your child to 'motivate' them. My parents never gave me positive reinforcement, they'd be quick to jump all over my mistakes and they even told me that I was faking my grades when I got the straight A's they wanted."
"It didn't do anything except sow the seeds of self-doubt that I still have to this day."
Creating Hierarchies
" 'You see that child Timmy? Be more like him.' Made me insecure and feel beneath everyone." -- Madam-Vixen
"My moms logic is that it pushes me to do what the others do as well. What really happened was i felt they would rather have the other one as their child not me" -- mizukata
Doesn't Have to Be a Transaction
"Cleaning your room as a punishment or something to hold over your kid if they want to do something fun."
"This will give your kid the impression cleaning their room is a bad thing. Treat it as something you both can do together, encourage them to do it because they want to. I've decided that I will always help my kid Clean his room solely to achieve the goal of a clean room, that's it."
Hopefully, a thread like this will shine a light on the intuitive, but problematic, approaches to parenting. Maybe you're thinking about kids or have some of your own.
Take it from these folks that even the minor things can add up.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.
Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.
U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?
Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.
Call outs are a universal language.
In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".
We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."
Be your own Easter Bunny.
You could hide your own Easter eggs.
The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.
That’s cold.
“At this point, you can only impress me."
This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."
I lol’d.
I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".
Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".
It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?
When the bears are smarter than the tourists.
Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.
That’s a gross mental image.
In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".
In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.
Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".
It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.
Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:
Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"
Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."
Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"
Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."
These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.
Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.
On a Canadian jobsite
Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.
Oof, that’s harsh.
He's so far behind he thinks he's first.
I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”
Those are some gross socks.
Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".
"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.
In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.
A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm
It's a plague many of us would rather not admit occurs on a daily basis.
Reddit user, u/Jamally1980, wanted to hear about:
What's the most blatant act of racism you have witnessed in person?
When It Happens To Others...
You might be out, with a friend or a co-worker, minding your own business, never once considering what degree of person you'll meet. Then, BOOM. They're there, ready to make the person who you're with and their life a living nightmare.
Suddenly Changing Their Minds
I (WM) played in a band with an African American guitarist. We wrote songs together and became great friends. One day we went to a convenience market and there was a help-wanted sign on the door.
"Watch this," he said and went in the store to inquire about the job. 2 minutes later, he walked out and said with a sly grin, "The owner said they are no longer hiring. Now YOU go in."
I went in the store, and five minutes later, came out with an application.
"You see," he said. "You have no idea what it's like to be black."
30 years later, I still think about that day.
"Not even the correct kind of racist here."
My landlord thought one of my closest friends was some sort of hardcore latino gangbanger who was selling me crack. He's an asian IT professional who doesn't even drink. He was even coming over in his work clothes 99% of the time. We have a lot of jokes about that one. "Not even the correct kind of racist here."
Maybe They Shouldn't Be Around Kids
6th grade. This was mid/late 90s. Our teacher was telling us a story.
She said "this black woman without shoes came up my driveway and approached me. At first I was nervous because we don't have any black people in our neighborhood and I could tell she was homeless because she had a foul odor and she was black" and the black girl in class interrupted her and said "why does she have to be black for you to be nervous?"
The teacher responded, "because she was and we don't have black people in our neighborhood, and skin color matters Kelly."
It shook me up. It is a big commuter area close to some major cities and military bases so we had a diverse student body.
The next week our principal came in to explain the teacher was let go because of her racist remarks, and we had a week where we learned about diversity and how discrimination plays a part in so many lives, how it can affect populations, and how you can be aware of it.
Silly Reasons, Real Fears
I remember the first time I experienced racism. I'm Canadian but lived in England for a year when I was 8. I had a buddy from India. One time we wanted to play soccer at school over lunch with a group of guys. A boy said "you can play because you're from Canada. He can't play because he has brown skin". I was so confused and didn't know why skin colour made a difference. My friend was way better than me so I thought they didn't want to play with someone so good. I asked him if all people with brown skin are really good at soccer. He just said no, let's go play somewhere else. It wasn't until later that I realized why they didn't want to play.
Or When It Happens To You...
It's not always someone else, is it?
Most of the time you'll see racist interactions first-hand because they happen to you. You didn't do anything wrong, you might even have been out walking, but you feel it deep down in your gut when they direct all their hate and fury at you.
We Should Have You And The Missus Over Some Time
I was driving out of my gated community and a lady stepped off the curb and in front of my car yelling at the top of her lungs. She comes to the driver side and is like, "I see you driving through here, do you live here?". Her husband, not far behind, grabs her and proceeds to explain to her that I live literally around the corner from them. She then proceeds to ask me for my drivers license. As I laugh, I invite them over for drinks later. The husband thanks me as his wife continues to yell.
6 hours later, I walk to their house with a bottle of red wine and white wine (not knowing which they like). The husband answers the door, shocked, he invited me in, only to have his wife say, no. Embarrassed, he says he'll stop by later. Fast forward, he's one of my closest friends and she's still a raging [b-tch.]
At Least Get The Geography Of Your Insults Right
Old guy in his 70's walked up to me while at McDonalds and asked me "Is that your camel parked out front?" Took a moment to register that he was being racist. I told him that there wasn't a camel in the parking lot and that he should see a doctor about his senile dementia. I'm not even Arab or Persian. I'm Puerto Rican. If you're going to be racist, at least make the effort to get the race right. The only thing worse than a racist is a lazy racist.
We're Working, Here!
When I, Hispanic, was a landscaper, my boss and I were hired to do lawn work in a really nice neighborhood. I was approached by an angry elderly white man and he asked me what I was doing and told me I don't belong here. My boss, who was also white, had to come and basically f-ck off and told him we were hired and allowed on the property we were on.
...It's All Truly Terrible.
No matter how you slice it, discovering anyone's racists intentions isn't pleasant. You may not know what to say or what to do in that situation, but you'll know how you feel.
Finding Out Who The Racists In Your Life Are
Maybe it's a combination of being white with a shaved head, or maybe it's just being white, but sometimes folk feel very comfortable spouting off racist sh-t with me in the room. A common one is whining about "immigrants". On several occasions I've let people go on about their various stupid issues with The Immigrants, until I point out I am one.
Most of the time the whiner will awkwardly change the subject. One time a guy said "Yeah but you speak English!". Somehow I don't think language was his problem.
The most common trait I've seen among racist people is the assumption that most other people are as racist as them.
Seeing Their Biases Laid Bare
There was this convenience store near my elementary school that kids used to go to sometimes to get candy, snacks etc. A friend of mine (also black), told me I shouldn't go there because the store owner was racist, so I never went. Well one day I went in, and before I could even grab something, the guy yells at me to get out. I try to ask why, but he just kept yelling how he didn't want "us" in his store, even though I was alone. At this point, I was old enough to understand, and unfortunately has already experienced sh-t like this before.
Fast forward maybe a few weeks or so, I'm with a white friend of mine and we're walking on the same street as this store. He says we should stop in and get some sodas. I tell him I can't go in because the owner is racist and won't let me buy anything. My friend thinks that's ridiculous because the guy is always nice to him. So I tell my friend to go in first. He goes in, grabs a soda, buys it, comes back to me saying how nice the dude was and I had nothing to worry about. I say okay, now lets both walk in. We both walk in and the dude has smile on his face until he spots me and his demeanor completely changes. He says something like, "Oh no, YOU (my friend) can stay, but HE (me) has to leave." My friend is like wtf why? The guy says, "I don't want "them" in this store! You're (my friend) fine though." I stand there just looking at my friend with the I-told-you face. My friend actually gets upset, starts yelling back calling the guy racist and so on, but I grab him and I'm like lets go before he calls the police. My poor friend was blown away because he thought the guy was so nice and friendly then boom! All of that erased in minutes.
If you ever find yourself in a spot like this, there's a few things to do: Talk to someone, anyone, whom you can trust. Make sure you're safe. Above all, don't engage or react unless you absolutely have to.
There's real love in this world. Go out and find that, instead.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.