I have to admit. I was not fond of being poor. I was ten when I realized my family had some financial issues. My mother sat me down to explain that she needed to go to the food drive to get somethings. It had been a hard year and she wanted me to be prepared in case someone we knew saw us. It was heartbreaking.
My mother has always been a hard worker and she hates asking for help. So that's why it infuriates me when people try to say that being poor is just a mentality and the poor should just try not to be poor. My mother did make it out of several financial holes but it was always an uphill battle, because the truth is... being poor only makes you more poor. The system is designed that way.
Redditor u/26point2PipeDream wanted everyone to start realizing that the game is rigged, often by the system keeping the poor, poor. They asked everyone to explain by inquiring... In what way is it expensive to be poor?
There are so many small details from the everyday, mundane that people with out an endless well of money have to do to survive. And it all may seem like nothing, but the nothings add up. They add up to spending and debt that can be necessary to survive. Look at real estate. Paying outrageous amounts of rent is fruitless. And mortgage is cheaper. But who can afford down payment for a mortgage? Maybe if you could get a free year of rent you could save for it. Hmmm....
Clothing Transportcats laundry GIFGiphy
I saw a lady coming out of a laundromat, loading her baskets of clothes into a taxi (there is zero other public transport where I saw this happen and only a few taxis).
Not being able to put enough money together at one time to buy a car or a washing machine (she probably rented so this maybe wasn't even an option) was costing her a fortune. Just being nickeled and dimed to death.
If you're ever desperate enough to take out a title/payday loan you'll discover you just stepped in financial quicksand.
About a year and a half ago I forgot to leave enough money in my bank account for a payment that needed to be done. It wasn't much, around $500 maybe, but didn't want the late payment and fees that come with it, so I decided to look into the payday loans. I needed $500 to last until Friday (when I would be paid)... I checked on it on Monday.
When I was to click "Accept", I read the entire thing... it said I had to pay back $950 IF I paid on Friday...or about $2,500 if I went with their payment plan.
Fees, fees and fees...
There are late fees for everything. Overdraft fees at the bank. Sh!tty jobs usually don't have good healthcare plans. If you're poor, you need credit cards just to survive, but interest rates are higher for those with low credit scores (see late fees above). Crappy cars are always breaking down, and that's expensive.
Death is Easier
Healthcare. That's the big one. If you don't have a healthcare plan, or have a crappy one you don't go to the doctor unless it's life or death. That means small problems that could have been caught in the beginning become hugely expensive problems later on.
Like parking tickets. I couldn't afford the £2 to pay to park my car so I get a £30 fine, after 2 weeks it goes up to £60 and so on. If I didn't have £2 to park in the first place I don't know how they think I can pay more.
When you're poor you have to crafty. You also have to be thrifty and smart ,but crafty is often overlooked. See poor people are constantly in a fight to survive so learning how to maneuver is a key going forward. You just have to maneuver very carefully. Don't fall for the financial traps. They're always ready to get you. Case in point...
Renting is like CreditCredit Card Money GIF by HustlersGiphy
Renting to own anything is really bad. You pay 4X the value of whatever it is you're renting to own. And if you miss a payment they repossess it and someone else might start at the beginning of attempting to pay for it again. Not only that you very well might be paying 4X the new value for a used item.
And only low quality items are sold rent to own. Ashley furniture, crappy used cars, the cheapest big screen TVs available at wholesale. Houses might be better, but rent a center, and JD Byrider are worse than loan sharks.
Being stuck with higher interest rates because you don't have enough credit to get low rates.
How a lender can ignore me paying upwards of $1500 a month in rent while contemplating a mortgage loan that is equivalent to $850 a month. You'd think that would be a pretty safe bet right there.
The Pre-Pay Options
You can seldom buy in bulk, so you end up paying more for thing. For example, our local butchery sells ground beef cheap if you buy 2 kg or more at a time. If you're paid weekly and can afford only 500 g per week, you end up paying more.
Buying in bulk is a huge money saver.
And it's so damn expensive.
You don't just need the money in advance to buy the groceries. You also need a freezer or cooler large enough to store it. And of course a vehicle to get it home. So many things to pre-pay before you can start saving.
I'll add that when you have less money the power relationship is flipped in nearly every financial interaction you have.
When you have money, banks and companies compete to get access to your reliable spending, be it with low interest rates on borrowing or better deals for early payment. They have to compete because you have the option to go to someone else who will gladly take your payment history and stable income.
You're a safe bet, so you have the luxury of choice.
When you don't have money institutions know you have nowhere else to go. So they happily gouge you knowing agreeing to horrendous loan terms is your only option.
I teach econ and always remind my kids that commercials boasting about "no credit, low credit, no problem!" know exactly who they're getting in the door. People who have nowhere else to go.
Time for Restructurestory justice GIF by PrimerGiphy
The justice system. If you can't pay a fine, the state will make things more expensive by adding fees on top of fees on top of fees, then they will incarcerate you for not paying the inflated fees. Then you have to pay the parole officer who is keeping an eye on you while you care unable to get a job that pays enough to pay him.
Not having in-home laundry is a great example.
Say it costs you $4 to do your laundry each week (which I think is very cheap). In 5 years you will have spent over $1000 on laundry.
For $1000 you can get a good washing machine that would last you through those 5 years, then another 5 years, and maybe a lot more. And that doesn't count the time saved doing laundry at home, and any transportation costs.
My car has a leaky seal on the transmission. It'd be about $250 to replace the seal and flush the transmission. I don't have $250, so I keep topping up the fluid and keep driving it because I'll never get $250 if I don't get to work. But, in time, that's going to destroy the transmission, which will be about $1200 to replace.
Edit:I never thought I'd say this in my entire life, but please stop offering me money. (I know. I'm insane, right?)
I'm getting by and my world will not end if my cars dies. It will be irritating and problematic, but I have other options I can make work, if the worst happens. In the mean time, plans are in place to resolve the issue and I have every reason to think that my car will survive until I can repair it.
I cannot tell you how much these offers mean to me. It has really made my night to have so many people want to help. Please, I ask you to turn your generous offers to others who are in a much more dire situation than I am.
There are several who commented on other threads on this post (as well as at least one who commented on this thread). I would not feel comfortable taking money under these circumstances when I have other options available to me. In short, other people here need it more.
Know that your kindness has made me smile on a day when really needed some brightness. I cannot put into words my gratitude. Thank you all.
For Walkinghappy reno 911 GIF by Comedy CentralGiphy
If you're well off, you buy 1 pair of boots for $150 and they last a lifetime.
If you're poor, you buy boots for $30 and they last a winter.
You end up spending more, because you can't afford to spend more. Terry Pratchett uses it to explain poverty via Sam Vines in one of his City Watch books.
If you can't maintain a minimum balance or don't have a bank in your neighborhood or were raised to be suspicious of banks and don't have a bank account, you've got to pay fees to cash your paychecks. Then there are fees to buy money orders to pay your bills-- or the cost of getting TO the utility office or car dealership or wherever to pay in cash.
So is one dental cleaning every 6 months (the reason its 6 months is because that is the time when cavities can form). Root Canals are now thousands of dollars and those dentists demand up front payment for those expensive services. Most people don't have an extra 2 grand in their bank account for a root canal.
Big Plansscared homer simpson GIFGiphy
Mental health. Or more specifically stress. You will always have stress about future, always making decisions based on your poverty so that it won't affect your situation in bad way.
What Really Hurts
Everything is expensive when you're poor. Jokes aside, this is true. I've been poor for most of my life and I'm still not in a great financial situation. And the biggest problem is that you not only don't have a lot of money, but all the prices stay the same, so literally ANYTHING that you buy feels like a fortune.
I walked to the grocery store do buy some stuff to make a special dinner on my daughter's birthday and I spent about R$100,00 (about 20 dollars I think, Idk), and I swear I'd win an Oscar for how I kept my poker face. The second I walked out of the store I bursted out crying. Everyone on the street could see me crying as I walked back home. Seeing my daughter's smile later that day during dinner made me feel a lot better, but those R$100 ($20) REALLY hurt.
If you're poor you already have no or very little money to invest in yourself, so you have to take on debt to do so. If you want to get technical certifications or degrees. Sometimes there's financial assistance but a lot of the time taking on loans is necessary.
Miles and Miles and Miles...
Tires! Used tires cost 1/3 price and get about 20% of the life of a new tire. Also you are paying mount and balance every time, plus worry about blow outs. Even a new tire at $80 with a 30K mileage expectancy or a $100 tire at 65k mileage warranty. Over twice the life, little more than 20% in extra charge.
A Holedonald duck disney GIFGiphy
Debt. Basically if you're poor you need to borrow some money to either get a house or buy food and after a while the debt keeps getting bigger and bigger.
In this moment the country is in the throws of cultural and financial battles. As I type, we await the Senate rulings on a financial plan for Covid. And the squabbling is endless. One of the main sticking points is raising the minimum wage to $15 and hour. Some Senators act like people are asking for a million dollars. Because God forbid we give the poor a leg up and shave a few measly dollars off the top from the super wealthy. You know, the ones rigging the whole game. Mhmmm.... Stay vigilant people and save those pennies.
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Let's get existential ... and argumentative.
Because this is internet, people, why are you acting like you don't know what we're here for?
Reddit user Due_Abrocoma6874 asked:
"What exists, but can't be sensed with our 5 senses?"
Which means what was intended as an exploration into the ephemeral took a sudden detour into semantics city.
Because Reddit is Reddit.
"Magnetism, extremely powerful (it saves us from the Sun) but you can't tell it's there unless you have something to tell you. I work in a electric motor shop and have to stick my hand in +4,000 horse power motors with dummy rotors to test them. I'm probably shooting blanks now, my 2nd answer, infertility."
"I think you're confusing the effects of ionizing radiation with magnetism. Strong magnetic fields have absolutely no effects on humans; MRIs are a perfect example. However, working with radioactive materials or near x-ray sources can kill irreplaceable cells in the reproductive organs of both sexes."
"Hence the burning question, 'F*cking Magnets, How Do They Work??' "
"Interesting job, bad answer."
"Look I'm not a 'magnestist' here, just an electrician which I guess could be one of the next closest jobs. But thats like saying you can't use any of our senses to sense gravity."
"Ever seen an object get affected by a magnet? That's sensing magnetism through our sense of 'sight'. Ever held something near a magnet - or even a magnet itself since you can feel the repllent aspect of the force as well? That is sensing magnetism through our sense of 'touch'."
"When anyone cops a belt (sparky for an electric shock) whether it be licking a 9v battery, touching live 240v conductors or even getting struck by lightning; we are feeling the electromagnetically energised positive protons and negative electrons trying to balance themselves out. We literally feel our body experience magnetism."
"Hahaha I did have a laugh at your second answer though that's probably true"
"Actually, both of those are the effects of magnetism. We can't sense magnetic force, just what it causes."
- Mori_564Season 3 Smoking GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
It's Technically Hearing, But We Get It.
"The difference between an awkward silence and regular silence"
"YES! Have a freebie!"
"I choose not to ever consider silence to be awkward silence and i encourage others to do the same. Yeah it's some corny sigma male sh*t but it's really made my conversations more enjoyable"
"Once knew a guy who was having difficulties with a co-worker. HR finally just told them not to talk to each other. A week later HR spoke to him because the other guy whined about him being 'aggressively silent'. Like wtf?"
"bro speaking facts"
"It is a regular silence until you mention the silence. Then it is an awkward silence."
"Most of reality."
"And yet some brilliant humans have been able to make many of the insensible things visible through their inventions. It’s incredible how many things are known even when we’re unable to detect it without devices."
"I thought this was a dark matter reference at first."
"Most of the universe is dark matter, but we can't see it, touch it, smell it, or interact with it in any way with our senses."
"This is perhaps the best and, simultaneously, most frightening answer."
"If we had 10 more senses and 1000 more IQ points we still wouldn't be able to experience even a fraction of reality."
"Here's a rough list of things that are currently all around you but you don't know is there:"
"Countless air molecules such as oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen"
"Light (EM spectrum) outside of our range. Radio signals from cell phones, routers, towers, planes, etc. Xrays and gamma rays from upper atmosphere particle interactions and distant stars."
" Billions and billions of neutrinos produced by the sun that penetrate the earth (and your body of course)."
" Radioactive emissions from various natural decaying elements including Carbon"
"14 found in pretty much anything with Carbon (such as your body). Also Potassium such as in Bananas."
" Billions of bacteria and viruses all over everything."
" That Klingon Warbird decloaking off starboard!"
"Nuclear radiation, plus neutrinos - they go right through us."
"Apparently it tastes like metal when there is a lot of radiation tho"
"Astronauts said they could see flashes of light through their closed eyelids, so not all radiation"
"But I do agree with neutrinos"
"Technically you could sense neutrinos since they could hypothetically interact with the liquid inside your eyes, but that happens so rarely and our eyes are so small that statistically it will never happen for anyone ever."
- Moiklefox artists on tumblr GIF by Animation Domination High-DefGiphy
You Have To Imagine The Flavor
"The different flavors of La Croix."
"La Croix flavors aren’t real, you read the can or see the color and it tricks your brain into thinking there is a flavor. I’m convinced this is true and nothing anyone says can change my mind."
"Wait... La Croix has flavors? I thought it was just different can colors"
"Ha! I have a buddy that always said La Croix is like drinking sparkling water while someone on the other end of the house whispers the word grapefruit."
"It tastes like TV static"
- chealey21Soda Water Summer GIF by LaCroix Sparkling WaterGiphy
"Magenta. Your brain makes it up"
"I'll take it if seeing it as grey is the only alternative."
"Crap how many things that we perceive as grey are actually exciting colours? I know certain birds, insects and marine life can see a wider scope of colours than we can."
"I am so confused. I know exactly what magenta is but I googled it and there are no wavelengths? Is life a lie?"
"Technically your brain makes up all colors and sight. I think what you are saying though is that there isn't a specific wavelength range that the brain directly converts to magenta. Actually now that I think of it, I'm not sure what that weird fact is about. I'll have to read more about it."
"Even crazier than Magenta are the impossible colors which can only be perceived temporarily via an optical illusion."
" 'Stygian Blue' is a shade of blue that's darker than black."
" 'Hyperbolic Orange' is a shade of orange that's even more orange than orange."
"The 'self luminous' colors look like brighter-than-white glowing pastels."
"They're kind of trippy."
"Carbon monoxide. Unless dying counts as a sense."
"All gasses except for CO2 are undetectable to the human body. Not just CO"
"Even CO2 is undetectable. It has the EXACT SAME symptoms as every other gas. An impending sense of doom, hallucinations(usually scary and violent) and finally random bouts of unconsciousness getting worse as the volume increases but thats hypoxia as well so..."
"What I mean is that CO2 is the pretty much the only gas that the lungs evolved specifically to reject. A lung full of CO2 is always going to burn and generally feel suffocating although I don't have enough experience with colder co2 vapors to know what those might feel like."
"If it's a lung of PURE CO2 yeah but in the toxic level you won't notice it cause it's not lethal."
"Why is this so far down on the list?"
- alleghenysingersleepy homer simpson GIFGiphy
I Got A Feeling Somebody's Watching Me
"When you’re being watched. You can’t hear, see, touch, taste or smell who or what is watching you. You just kinda… know 👁👁"
"I've heard that your peripheral vision is exceedingly good at detecting eyes. It doesn't tell you exactly where but it alerts that 'being watched' feeling. Technically still sight."
"Typically, the reason for this is because your brain has picked up on something that isnt quite right, wether its silence, or the absence of something thats usually there, but most times, you can't tell what that thing is, but you know something isnt right"
"My buddy went hiking on Vancouver Island a few years ago and told me he had that exact feeling directly behind him. Turned around and a mountain lion was staring at him from a distance."
"You can you just don't know you can. You as a being are too focused on random bullshit than on surviving its why we have a part of the brain DEDICATED TO THREAT DETECTION. It's called your subconscious or Instincts. Instincts are useful because they give you that gut feeling and deal with your reflexes. If you've ever gotten into a fight and grabbed a rock or something without thinking about it it was Instincts. If you've ever felt paranoid or afraid of the dark despite being 30 years old and having gotten over it that's Instincts. If you've ever looked at a ledge and thought about jumping off that's Instincts telling you have terrifyingly bad an idea that is(something to do with monkey brain and judging distances you can fall from safely)"
- MutedAd7206Interested George Clooney GIFGiphy
"Depends what you mean by "sensed". If I look at a video feed from a satellite at the far end of the Moon, am I seeing the far end of the Moon? If I look at a picture of distant galaxies imaged in infrared, watch a vapor trail in a particles experiment, listen to a sonification of data, feel a building tremble in an earthquake, do I sense these existing things?"
"What is allowed to be between myself and the existing 'thing', to still call it sensing? Do the instruments have to be part of my body? What about glasses? Implanted lenses? Hearing aids? Skin grafts?"
"Regardless of your answer, the only thing I would say with some certainty exists, but cannot be sensed, is the future (some future) because the laws of physics forbid time travel in that direction.."
"I would argue that time in that sense doesn’t even really count as existing. It’s more of an abstraction or summary of the interaction between existent things in space (spacetime would be a better way to think about it)."
"Not one thing can be said to exist without the claim being dependent on the senses."
Not Your Typical Wave
"Most radio waves"
"More like the entire electromagnetic spectrum apart from visible light and infrared."
"Up to a certain amplitude but eventually … cooked 😂"
"Most light aka most of the electromagnetic spectrum. In fact we can't sense any radio waves at all, not with our human senses anyway, as the OP asked."
"I was going to say WiFi, but that is also an electromagnet wave."
Now that you've argued your way through some Redditors thoughts, let's argue more in the comments.
What do you know exists even though you can't exactly perceive it?
Life is full of boring things.
Life is full of uninteresting things.
So... if life full?
That's a question for another time.
Let's focus on the things that leave us bored to tears.
Or numb with no feeling at all.
You ever wonder how people get so super involved and jazzed about some stuff and you look at it and all you can do is yawn?
That's our topic.
Redditorroscatorossowanted to hear about what things we all can live without.
"What's something you have ZERO interest in?"
I have a long list of having zero interest in things. Give me a few more points.
"Extending my car’s warranty."
"We have messaged you about your car's extended warranty."
Ashamed-Help-6662Chopping Video Game GIFGiphy
"All pyramid schemes should get stuffed."
"At one point my boss was hocking Herbalife and young living essential oils on the side of the business, it was a blast trying to take a sick day because she had the cure for everything."
"Commercial advertisements interrupting what I’m doing."
"Let's talk about commercial ads in cinemas. I stopped going to a certain cinema (The Space chain, in Italy) for this reason. Tickets are more expensive than the family owned cinema, and before the movie starts you have at least 30 minutes of ads."
"Unless you book online, they don't allow you in if the 'movie' has started. Online bookers can go in until 30 minutes after the booked time. For some reason, my friends love it. I deeply hate it. People usually run out of popcorn before the movie starts. The last time I went there, I paid 12.50€ for a movie that had to start at 22:30, and it started at 23:20. Never again."
"Raid shadow legends."
"I did actually download it. Played it for like 5 minutes, there was very little in the way of strategy or anything and it kept giving me new 'tasks.' Eventually I discovered a 'Auto fight' button that would literally play the game for you requiring 0 input from you. I uninstalled it."
"Shows about d**chebags dating on some island."
Kramer1812Heart Andre GIF by LoveIslandUSAGiphy
I still can't believe people get invested in those shows.
"Literally whatever my neighbor wants to talk about, everyday."
maketesSpongebob Squarepants Reaction GIF by NickelodeonGiphy
"Gender reveal parties. We're gonna find out soon enough."
"Somebody I worked with had a cringy one of these at our team meeting, after talking shop about very serious issues in suits and ties etc. At the end my manager was like 'ok so now we have a special moment where Nadine is going to reveal to us the gender of her baby.' She got up excitedly in front revealing a big box covered in glitter and s**t, slowly cut a ribbon and balloon popped out with 'it's a boy' on it. We just all sat there and awkwardly clapped like we cared."
"Praising and defending corrupt politicians like a freaking God."
"Corrupt politicians, more like ANY politician. I find it so strange seeing people idolise and put their political leaders on these untouchable pedestals while they crap on them, none of them care about anything other than their agenda and their wallets."
"I've recently been seeing a clickbait on my social media that says, 'Did Anne Frank have white privilege? The internet is up in arms...' or something like that. I cannot even describe the feeling of shut the heeeeellll up, and total exhaustion that that question gives me."
Not a Thing
"Celebrities/ Influencer Culture."
"I really hate the term 'influencer.' It just sounds so pompous and is mostly only used by people who want to feel more relevant than they actually are."
CC_KeyesSocial Media Reaction GIF by Acorn TVGiphy
I have less than zero interest in all of this.
The times do change fast don't they? Everything we think we'll know about the future is usually false.
How much of history is littered with things we thought we'd never be able to do without?
Now we watch movies in our palms. (Instead of theaters.) We send millions of dollars through the air. (Instead of withdrawing in person, or a check.) And we no longer need pennies. (Basically)
Who would have thought?
These were all going to be life essentials.
But generation by generation, the obsolescence takes over.
RedditorVictorPumpensteinwanted to talk about what truths were hidden until it was too late for each group as we aged.
"What is the biggest lie sold to your generation?"
Beepers. I was told my beeper would be forever. Alas...
You Still Here?
"Gen X-er here... we were told that the boomers would eventually retire. Still waiting for that to happen while rapidly approaching retirement age myself."
drsfmdSeth Meyers Lol GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Don’t act up in class Johnny, It will go on your PERMANENT RECORD!!"
"I worked in records for a public school board many years ago. The only thing colleges ever requested was transcripts and IEPs if a student had one. However, the police would request full disciplinary records of someone was going to be hired. And unless a student had a disciplinary hearing at some point, most records other than transcripts are destroyed after 7 years."
"The war on drugs."
"Poverty and terror won theirs, too. Turns out, declaring war on a concept without attacking the societal roots of the problem is just a way to funnel more money into the military-industrial complex."
"Shout out to pharmaceutical companies for winning the war on drugs."
instead of cardboard...
"Plastic recycling. I remember when grocery stores went from paper bags to plastic because 'they're recyclable!' Literally everything else started coming wrapped in a ton of plastic (instead of cardboard) because it was recyclable. Single use plastics were great, because we'd just recycle the plastic, and use it forever! Turns out, it was just cheaper, and recycling had nothing to do with it. Most of that plastic can't be recycled anyway."
"Fat is bad, sugar is good."
"This is why America has an obesity epidemic. Even now, older generations tout the health benefits of low fat things, without bothering to look at sugar contents. High sugar processed foods that happen to be low in fat destroyed multiple generations. Thankfully I think Gen Z might be the turnaround. Older generations are pretty messed up."
"Medicare and social security will protect you. Based on how things are going, anyone with 30 years or more before retirement better have strong backup plans."
iteracoMedicine Pills GIF by FergieGiphy
Oh Medicare and social security. What. A. Disaster. We are in trouble.
"You will always have to write in cursive."
"I hated those cursive books and being 10 and still couldn't figure it out. My sister a year behind me never had to write cursive. I firmly believe my year was the last year to deal with cursive. This was back in 2012-2013."
chonkettesealtake notes GIF by US National ArchivesGiphy
"Climb the corporate ladder."
"It's not a ladder, it's a pyramid. Only one person can be CEO, a handful can be executives, a bigger clump can be in some form of middle management, but the majority will always be 'individual contributors' - what an amazingly corporate term."
"You're often better off with an in-demand skill set that you can shop from company to company. Unless you enjoy fighting and scrabbling and climbing over people to keep getting promoted. Sure, you may have crappy bosses, but even the CEO has to go in front of the board and be told everything that's going wrong."
“If you don’t go to college, you’ll die broke and alone on the street.”
"I wish i hadn't been pushed so hard to go to Uni at 18. I wasn't ready yet and i didn't know what I wanted to do with my life yet. Asking a 16 year old what degree and vocation he wants is just a bad way of doing it!"
"My principal in high school was upset at me because I wasn't going to college. He told me multiple times that if I don't, then I am just throwing away my intelligence. I never went to college because it just sounded miserable and expensive. I worked a few different jobs after high school and learned a lot then started my own business. Glad I never went to college."
"Work hard for your company and they will take care of you."
whatintheactualfethSeason 1 Lol GIF by NBCGiphy
So much changes over each generation. How will we ever learn?
In this day and age of sexual freedom and experimentation, why would you cheat?
It makes absolutely no sense.
Unless, the act itself is part of the fun.
No matter your decision, let's pinpoint the moment we know we're heading down that path.
Everybody can name the times you feel it in your gut.
You know it's crossed a line.
Redditorcrabpinchingmyanuswanted to hear about the moments when we all begin to fall short of fidelity.
"Redditors, where does cheating in a relationship start for you?"
You always know when it's wrong. At least I always did. That's why is called cheating.
"The sneaking around. The second you start plotting to do something behind my back. You're violating the trust of the relationship."
WarkitzSheila Canning Love GIF by Neighbours (Official TV Show account)Giphy
"Honestly it's about intentions more than anything. If my SO started pursuing someone romantically that's cheating - doesn't matter if it's lovey dovey texting or f**king. If my SO was at a party and a drunk person kissed him suddenly against his wishes, that's not cheating."
"At the end of the day it comes down to them wanting to be with another person and they aren't being honest about it. The polite thing to do, even though it's painful and hard and sad, is to break up. Breaking up is never crappier than cheating."
"If you would be unwilling to tell your partner about an interaction, then it's probably time to start thinking about what you're doing."
"Yeah I think the two basic litmus tests are..."
"1- Would you tell them/do it in front of them?"
"2- Would you be okay with it if they did the same thing?"
"If the answer is yes to both, it’s probably fine. If it’s no to either, then at minimum you’re on dangerous ground."
"It depends on what each couple would consider to be off limits. A good guide is if you're doing something you would hide from your partner or wouldn't do it if they were in the room with you, then that's cheating. It can range from having sex with someone else, to simply flirting."
"Lies. It always starts with lies. Be it texts or snaps, if one of us have to lie or hide, it's wrong and should not happen."
notyourusualladyA Lie Is A LieGiphy
It's always a lie in the beginning. Don't lie... it's a Commandment.
"If you wouldn't want your partner to know, it's cheating. I wouldn't flirt with someone else in front of my partner, so I don't flirt with people when he's not around either."
kellogg888Pondering Anthony Anderson GIF by BETGiphy
"As cheesy as it sounds, it starts with your motive, intention, and conscience. I think there's a clear cut difference between physical cheating and mental/emotional cheating, but it all relates to your honest motive, intention, and conscience. For example, there isn't anything inherently wrong with texting with another person if you are married or dating."
"But if you know in your heart that you are texting or engaging in conversation that makes you feel guilty or it would make your partner upset, you may be doing something wrong, even if you technically did not cheat. If at any point you are justifying your actions or defending your actions/feelings/thoughts from a technical perspective, you may be at the start of doing something wrong."
"Cheating starts at lying, even by omission. I am okay with private conversations, meeting people she wants to meet, going away on business trips or going out and coming back late at night. But lying to me about it or about what happened? Or simply not telling me something I don't want to hear? That's cheating."
"'I will go out tonight, to see people you don't know and talk about things you don't care about': we are in the clear, it is fine."
"'I saw X and Y last night at their place': if I know for sure that it is not true, then there is some cheating involved."
"It only works if you are not a creep, or even jealous. There needs to be mutual trust and respect. When trust and respect are gone, the relationship is gone too."
"The intent. For me, an ex of mine that would later cheat on me started a tinder profile in which she claimed she "just wanted to find friends" and she certainly found quite a few of them. Obviously, she didn't just want friends. It could be as small as reaching out to an ex to say happy birthday, but most people have the intent to do something well before it is executed."
"If there’s a grey area, it’s cheating. If you know they will be upset, it’s cheating. If you have to hide it/lie/omit details. It’s cheating."
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There is never a good reason to cheat. Once you know it's starting... fess up.