Unfortunately, we as people are capable of doing some pretty awful things. Worst of all, we are capable of doing said awful things to each other--to other humans, whose suffering we understand above all else.
The drive behind these things is unclear, variable, and sometimes totally absent. But hurt people hurt people. It's as simple as that, and sometimes, we are the unfortunate receptor of that hurt.
Redditor Tomato_Shelf asked:
"Whats the worst thing someone has ever done to you?"
Here were some of those answers.
"My parents divorced when I was 7 (my father had an affair), my father remarried and got a new family, my mother remained single and bitter (she still loved him)."
"They always used to argue about whose turn it was to have me, they were trying to spite each other but the only thing that actually happened was that I realised neither of them must of loved me."
"One Christmas Eve when I was 14 they were having the same argument, my dad and his new family were staying in a hotel and told my mum they hadn’t booked a room for me, I walked to my mums and she said it was my dads turn to have me and locked me out."
"I slept in a car park fire hose (it didn’t actually have a fire hose in it). I was so scared and cold (skinny kid) I knew I couldn’t ask my friends to stay because it was Christmas Eve and already close to midnight by this point, I started to cry when the snow started falling at about 3am."
"I wish I had known back then that I could have just called the police but my juvenile brain didn’t know that, I went to live in a children’s home shortly after that and honestly I loved it, I still think of my key worker like my dad, he was great."-ILoveMyCatsSoMuch
Dad Needs Therapy
"Was early high school. Joking around with my father, horrid temper, switch flipped with him."
"He chased me down the hallway, thought we even playing till he pinned me down, hand around my throat strangling me till I passed out."
"Burst blood vessels in my eyes. Had to wear sunglasses for a good week to hide em while at work or elsewhere."-MisterJ33
Bamboozled By Family
"My 60 year old mother in law wanted to sign her house over to us because she has no retirement and no money saved. My wife was pregnant with our second child and she told us she wanted to be a stay at home grandma."
"I would be coming in and paying for everything. So we sold our house, paid off our debt, and cut a check for 54,000.00 dollars to her ex husband, which paid off the house in full."
"Then I made 10,000.00 dollars worth of home repairs. All bills were transferred in my name. When it came to sign the deal, suddenly she didn't want to do it. Told us she wanted things to go back to the way they were."
"My father in law told her well then we need to take out a home equity loan to give then their money back. She refused. The next week she served us an eviction notice and moved her boyfriend she claimed was abusive to her back in 2 days later."
"She threw her own daughter, my 3 year old, and my 3 month old baby on the streets. We tried to reason with her and then she had her lawyer threaten us with a restraining order."
"So now I'm suing her for my money back. Luckily my father in law is on our side and we were able to stay with him for the time being."-BananaSmoothie95
These stories really make you want to trust nobody.
She's The Ex For A Reason
"My ex wife made me believe I was making up all the proof that she was having an affair.. for a couple years."
"I went through therapy and anger management, accepted that I was just a f**ked up person and should have never disrespected my loving wife by accusing her of such things. She pushed all the help on me, praised me, etc."
"Two weeks after we divorced, she cheated on the guy she was dating(another affair dude) with me and admitted to everything. I kicked her out my house immediately."-elagentink
"My stepdad stole two houses, two cars, a scooter and a boat from us when my mother died. He then proceeded to commit perjury and tell the judge that he was broke because he paid me and my sister 60,000 each."
"This got him out of a loan that he had from my aunt, who loaned my mother hundreds of thousands of euro's so she could buy a house."
"Basically he did so much acrobatics that i didn't even get my own bed or clothes back, and he ended up with everything that could remotely be stamped as my mother's property."
"Overall, the worth of everything he stole (not just from my side of the family, but his EX WIFE that he got back to later) is upwards of half a million."
"His wife then ALSO DIES and he takes whatever's left. My lawyer told me i couldn't do anything since now two wives of his died in a three year span and there was no way a judge would look at him and say he owes anyone anything."
"Honestly i think he married my mom and then killed her. The same with his then-ex-but-current-after wife who also died rather quickly."-Toasted_pinapple
The Worst Kind Of Feeling
"Freshman year of college i met a girl and we became best friends. We did everything together. Then one day in class she told me she didn't want to talk she wanted to read. Thats was fine of course. She did that two more days."
"The fourth day she moved her seat from next to me to across the room. I tried to get her attention to talk but she avoided me. Next week we both happened to be washing our hands in the bathroom together."
"I said hi. She acted like i never existed. Soon she left the college. I went to grad school 3 years later (somewhere 2 hrs away) and lo and behold she was in my class."
"We were assigned the same group for a project. She looked uncomfortable and the next time class met, i found that she had dropped it. I never saw her again."
"It hurt me deeply because I had no clue why she did this. We didn't fight. Im not manipulative or catty or anything. This wasn't the worst thing to happen but it definitely ranked up there."-ghostiesontoasties
It reminds you to be thankful of the people you DO still keep around, and reminds you there's probably a reason you have.
The Family Is Often More Worth It
"Dated a woman for a time and eventually got involved with her teen kids and acted in a step parent role for years. Invested tons of my time, energy, and resources into them as a family."
"Then my GF went into a spell of depression and didn't want to do anything or talk about anything. Life went on around her, then when she saw me spending time with the kids instead of sitting on the couch doing and saying nothing like her, she became pathologically jealous and started accusing me of 'having too much interest in young girls.'"
"I spend a LONG time trying to fix and salvage the situation as I felt we were all bonded together as a family. Paid out of pocket for counseling for us, and for her exclusively for a long time after the therapist determined the focus of the problem was not me."
"She NEVER accepted responsibility for her claim and the effects it had. Thought she could just casually dismiss it at will, like she'd claimed I left the toilet seat up one time; thought I was making a 'big deal' out of everything."
"She never spent a second addressing the childhood traumas that openly affected her whenever there was a pinch, even invoking them as an excuse for acting how she did, then pretending they were fixed or nonexistent the 99% of the time she did NOT need to use them to manipulate the situation at hand."
"Finally had to walk away from the situation. Started dating someone else (who was a college debate coach with a PhD in English, night and day communication and interaction styles!) and she acted like 'I abandoned her,' even cheated when I made good on my promise to leave without effort on her part."
"Now a long time later I still hear from one of the boys who is now in his 30s and just had a baby. At least 2 of my exes grown children don't even talk to her at this point. I never tried to assemble a family again, but have had a VERY fulfilling love life since."-MentORPHEUS
"The girl I had a crush on when I was 8 only pretended to be my friend because she wanted to get embarrassing secrets out of me."
"She then spread them around and became one of the popular girls and I was horrendously bullied for years to come. Worst thing is we had after-school English in middle school together again and she was like 'hey why do you not talk to me' etc.."
"The b*tch made a solid quarter of my life hell and just forgot about it. I'm scarred for life and she will never remember it let alone feel bad about it."-New_General_6287
Shedding Old To Make Space For New
"The beginning of my junior year of high school I had a friend group that I shared a lot of good times with in years past. There were four guys (including me) and three girls, and we did nearly everything together. Toward the end of the year, they began to cut me off and hang out without me, lying about it, and overall just flat out excluding me."
"The whole while I was being told that nothing was wrong and I hadn’t done anything for this kind of treatment to occur, it was just scheduling conflicts or whatever. Nevertheless, I would continue to make attempts to organize things together, but was always ignored or given a lie."
"The final straw came after the end of that school year. I had always wanted to organize a float trip for the seven of us but there was never much interest from anyone else. Sure enough, a few weeks into summer before my senior year there were posts from the six of them on a float trip."
"I was so hurt to this point already that I finally cut myself off from continuing to ask and wonder why I was being disposed of. The way they treated me ate away at my mental health through the summer and into my senior year. I’d see some of them in class and they still would attempt to be chummy, but I reciprocated only enough to be cordial."
"I carried the weight of having my closest friends all up and abandon me with no reason for many years, and I attribute their mistreatment of me to many of the mental health and self-worth issues I still struggle with to this day."
"I still do see the occasional photo of all them together, and they were back in my hometown for the holidays at the same time as me, but thankfully I no longer yearn to be included nor do I expect an apology."
"They were/are incapable of seeing any wrongdoing on their part. It took me a bit to realize how narcissistic a good portion of them were, and the others were too timid to speak out against anything. I have a fantastic group of friends around me now that treat me thousands of times better than they ever did."-logan95
The only common thread through all of these misfortunes is that each of these people is here, afterward, to tell the tale.
That doesn't always happen--and when it does, it's very valuable to be able to see the thing that may have deeply affected you happened to someone else, too.
Hardly any human is ever, if at all, alone. And ultimately that makes up the defining piece of our human experience.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
TipsSeason 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.