I once had someone apologize for cheating on me by saying "I should have told you about 10 pounds ago. You're right."
I had gained weight after going on medication for PCOS. Don't worry, though. He found me on social media a few years ago and yeah ... he played himself.
Anyway, one Reddit user asked:
... you ever want to just secondhand side-eye someone? Like they didn't do anything wrong to you directly, but they still deserve the side-eye?
#SorryNotSorrysorry not sorry GIF by Demi Lovato Giphy
'I'm sorry you feel that way' - not actually an apology!!!
It's sh*tty and condescending, but sometimes it's appropriate. Like if the person is mad at you for some perceived slight that you shouldn't have to apologize for.
For example, if a family member is mad at you because you voted differently to them.
It's not really meant to be an apology. It's acknowledging that you know they are looking for one; but you aren't going to simply accept blame unfairly for the sake of their ego.
My ex cheated and when we broke up she said:
"I'm so sorry. I wanted to breakup months ago, but I didn't want to hurt you. I'm so selfless."
She was literally sobbing so hard "I'm so selfless." wiping tears away. The moment really shattered the rose-tinted glasses. It's very funny to think about now, but at the time...
Only Sensitive People Are Insulted By Insults
'Sorry, I didn't realise you were so sensitive'
From the guy that just insulted me to my husband. He was shocked, shocked I tell you!, that I got upset.
We were hanging out and he commented:
'God, if I was married to her I'd have to go out and have an affair'
My husband didn't hear him. I did. I didn't make a scene. I just said 'wow' and got up to walk away.
He 'apologised' when everyone looked at me and saw that I was upset.
A Forced E-mail
A manager at work asked for my help with a promotion we were running. I offered some advice, which was met with "I can cover that up, r*tard!"
I stopped, told him he cannot ever call me that and shouldn't ever use the word. The apology I received was: "I'm sorry you're offended by that."
The very next day, this manager was in a meeting with our General Operations Manager - for over 3 hours. With 10 minutes left in his shift, I received a lengthy apology email that was very obviously forced.
I kill this guy with kindness every time I see him, just to drive it home how awful of a person he is.
I Was Right The Whole Time
Group project for school, and one of my team members wasn't happy with my part and decided to berate me publicly in our group chat, and then told our other teammates to stay out of it when they defended me.
I privately messaged him and said that while my part may not be up to his standards and I was sorry for that, the way he went about it was incredibly rude to both me and our group members and he needed to apologize.
Here was his "apology" back to me:
"Thank you for apologizing about your part of the project, and while you thought I was rude, I was actually right the whole time."
Now Can We Stay In Your Beach House?tv land sea GIF by nobodies. Giphy
"Ok fine. I apologize if you have found my behavior objectionable in some way. Now can we stay in your beach house?"
That was from my sister-in-law. She is the woman who wrote my husband telling him not to marry me and who has not spoken to me in 12 years unless she wants something.
After we bought a vacation home, she wanted to stay there 2 weeks in the summer for free.
The answer was no.
An "Apology" For The Abuse
My mom abused me for most of my childhood.
I had to cover bruises on my throat, eat out of the kitchen garbage can, shield my little sister from my mothers beatings. That's not even close to the worst, but it's as deep into that as I'd like to go.
In a therapy session she was dragged into, my therapist told her that I, at twelve years old, had CPTSD to such a crippling degree that she was considering getting me references for a service dog to help me cope with life. It spurred an argument.
Halfway through she threw her hands up and sarcastically yelled "I'm sorry for being such a sh*tty person. You happy now? For f*cks sake, you stress me out more than your fathers funeral!" and walked out.
I'm officially cutting her off next week after finalizing a couple things to get my life independent from her.
We Both Know
Person, after not talking to me for a month:
"Well we both agree we know what you did wrong, and even though it was super rude and I was obviously right, I forgive you and we are moving on."
.... except I did NOT know. We didn't agree on anything. I have no idea what happened.
All I know is the person literally called me a b*tch before they stopped talking to me.
I'm not even sure this counts as an apology
A Tone Of Self Deprecation
Honestly, apologies that are backed by "I am shi*ty person" or "I know I am a crappy friend" etc.
Basically, apologies with a tone of self deprecation so that you feel bad about them being not okay so that you have to keep your hurt aside and take care of them because you do care about them.
People need to understand that apologies don't work that way.
I Decided I Forgive Myself
(Paraphrasing) "I know I shouldn't have called you a c*nt and thrown things at you. But you were acting like a child and made me mad on purpose."
Followed the next day by:
"I did a bunch of mdma, and decided that I forgive myself. I expect you to behave differently in the future."
Learning To Lose Weight
"Well I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I didn't do anything wrong. I'm trying to help you learn to lose weight"
It's what my mom has told me after hitting me and calling me "fatso" and "fat@ss" daily. I understand she's trying to help, but I don't need to be abused.
Peace Be With Yousaoirse ronan reading GIF by A24 Giphy
My old school friends shunned me. Literally. They spent 3 months talking trash about me and pretending not to see or hear me; like I wasn't even in the room.
Then one day at the end of mass (a few weeks before graduation) they turned to me and said "peace be with you" and hugged me like nothing happened!
This happened almost 10 years ago but because of that, I learned to choose my friends wisely. I am still careful and do not trust people easily.
Late To Basketball
Someone at school was supposed to apologize face-to-face in front of me and the principal for flipping my phone.
Instead of just getting on with it, he went on in a ten minute ramble about why he did it. Most of it was bullsh*t anyways, but when the principal told him that he had no time left, he just uttered a quick 'sorry' and fricking left.
I didn't even get to say anything back!
Him talking for forever combined with the fact that the bus was late, meant that I was late to my basketball after school activity.
Grab My Wife's...
I cut off contact with my father about 12 years ago when he tried to grab my wife's breasts. This was the final staw after a lifetime of bad behavior that I had repeatedly demanded he fix.
A few years later he sent some asinine email that talked about the importance of family. It wasn't an apology exactly, but it's the closest I've seen him ever give.
Then, below his signature, he posted a Bible verse. It was the line from the prodigal son story where the kid falls to the ground and apologizes for being such a bad son.
We still aren't speaking. He's almost 80 and in poor health. He won't meet his granddaughter and will soon be forgotten.
Not Enough Seratonin
My best friends and I used to all hangout in a group. After a while they kept hanging out without me.
One day I asked them one of them to hangout and they said "sure."
I just said "ok lemme know when you're free."
Later, they all started sending me pics of them hanging out together. That night, I called one of them - the one who has been my best friend for 4 years and who I have known for 7.
I very maturely asked "Hey I've noticed that you guys keep doing stuff without me. Did I do something wrong?"
She said "No you didn't do anything necessarily wrong we just didn't want to get you."
We legit all live 5 mins away from each other and I could have drive myself. But I just let it go like oh okay.
Like 2 hours later, she Snapchat's me a picture and it just has like a long @ss paragraph blaming me for being too quiet sometimes when we hangout. She says that's a problem "because it doesn't give her serotonin."
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