Our society has a lot of strange ideas about masculinity. In fact, we have such a string of contradicting and misleading pieces of information on how a man "should" act that it has created a very emotionally stunted pool of men in the United States.

And it's usually traits that differ from this path of "most masculine" that, ironically, make us appealing to potential mates. When people look for a partner, they usually look for some preliminary signs of who that person is, and these are some of the traits that most stuck out upon first impression.

Redditor u/ThisGarson678 asked:

"What instantly makes a guy hot?"

Here were some of those answers.

To Make Others Feel Heard

"Learning how to actively listen is a wonderful skill to learn. Restating or affirming a statement or comment made really makes people feel heard. Great for developing rapport especially with coworkers, doubly so for the quiet ones."-Psychadous

It Must Be That Sweet Sweet Tire

"Blew a tire on the way back from a trip last weekend. Still had a couple of hours to go on the drive. Pulled over and changed it in about 15-20 minutes."

"Wife kept taking pictures of me while I was making the tire change. The remainder of the drive home, I kept catching her staring at me out of the corner of my eye."

"Fast forward 2 days later… walk up behind her in the kitchen and she's zooming in on a couple of those pics she took. I think she was into my basic tire changing skills."-bonediggler69

Just Simple Things

"Nice smile and eyes. Voice is also important too it can affect my entire attraction to him."

"Edit: by voice I don't mean stereotypical manly voice. I like different types, and so do other women. It's not a type per se it's just a voice. I can't say 'yeah I like all voices that sound like X' cause that's not how it works."-proncesshambarghers

Just noticing these things in a guy can really change your focus.

Tee Hee

"He's funny. Not in a 'prank' way but in a clever word-play manner."

"He doesn't have to like what I like, but he allows me to like it without being demeaning or belittling."

"I dated a guy once who was very different physically from my type - but he was so damn hot because he was clever, funny and caring."-bunniesandacat

All He Had To Do

"Listening. My husband listened to me, listened to what I like and went on wooing me from there."

"Brought me my favorite foods and deserts, took me to my favorite movies, bought me tickets to my favorite concerts."--user deleted

"I totally agree. Before I lost my wife I would always listen to her wants and needs. Like for example at least twice a month I would take the kids out for the day."

"All she wanted was a day where she could do anything she wanted without hearing mom mom mom. Also at night on sundays I would draw her a nice hot bath and light some candles."

"The kids new on Sunday nights leave mom alone and I made sure she was able to decompress a bit. She was a stay-at-home mom and she needed to have that alone time now and then."

"She was my everything and I treated her like she was. Damn I miss her so much...."-StraightSho


"When he talks about something that he's knowledgeable and excited about without talking down on you for not knowing about it."-AllDogsGoToReddit

"So all the years of learning about animals, prehistory and biology weren't wasted..."-bigfatcarp93

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Let's Play "Who Has Trust Issues?"!

"I'm a guy, but I've heard from women that being good with kids instantly makes a guy hot. I've heard from other women that it instantly makes him look like a creep. Idk. Lol"-IMeasureFromTheTaint

Yes, really just one of these things is enough to turn heads and generate some whispers about yourself.

It's That Calm Stuff

"Self awareness. Which translates into empathy for himself and others, kindness, honesty, deep conversations, A CALM ENERGY."

"Basically, a REAL nice genuine man not the ones who pretend to be nice guys just to get in your pants. Oh, and being a good dog dad or good dad in general."-yewcant_seeme

All The Kindness

"Being kind to people when he didn't have to be."

"Favorite quote from my favorite movie:"

"'I'd only give one piece of advice to someone marrying. We're all quite similar in the end. We all get old and tell the same tales too many times. But try and marry someone kind.'"

Security In Masculinity

"Self-assuredness / a quiet confidence. It's incredibly unattractive when I see guys saying things like 'that's gay/ that will make me look gay/ men don't do ___.' Being confident of yourself and your masculinity is very attractive."

"(I have a friend who kept flirting with me in the past. He kept saying guys without facial hair look gay, and guys who wear short pants or anything remotely 'feminine' look like women. how fragile is that?)"-zanylife

It's not all of these things, but just one of these things that can move a guy up from a 1 to a 10 at the speed of light with no extra things needed.

Being kind goes a long way, as does clarity and self-confidence. Invest in yourself, and others will also invest in you.

Brooke Cagle/Unsplash

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