People Break Down Which Things You Can Say At A Wedding But Not A Funeral
Two very different milestones in life: weddings and funerals.
They don't intersect much... and you don't want to confuse one for the other.
u/Abre724 asked:
What's something you can say at a wedding but not at a funeral?
Here were some of those answers.
It Does Happen
Let's do a silly photo this time
Irish funerals. Sombre ceremony, calm for the most part, completely silent except for the responses during mass and some crying. Then off to the pub. Massive piss up, celebration of the persons life. Many silly pictures can and probably will be taken.
No One Mourns The Wicked
Finally! I know this is the happy ending we all wanted.
Doesn't she look lovely in that dress?
Wink
That's going to be you one day.
I feel like you can absolutely say that someday you will die, at a funeral.
Like when you are single at a wedding and your aunts and uncles say: You're next
At funerals I look at them and say: You're next, with a wink.
An Open Season
"This is the happiest day of my life."
While you may be joking, that is one of the requests I've made too my wife for my funeral. Open bar, open ice cream bar, and as they lower me into the ground I want the sound of you going down the pipes in the original Super Mario bro's.
It Moved On
"I'm proud to say that I'm the one who's responsible for us being here today."
Underrated comment
Oops
My mom once said "Congratulations" at a funeral because she didn't fully understand the language yet.
I feel like if someone says something inappropriate but obviously is struggling with the language they should get a pass and a quiet explanation later on.
Over And Over
"Maybe this time it'll work out."
I'm imagining this being said at someone's second funeral. They were supposed to be dead at the first one, but so who came back to life for a while.
I Object
If anyone objects to this union speak now or forever hold your peace.
"I object!"
corpse comes to life
Over And Over
Till death do us apart was going to be my answer, but i could see a "grieving" widow maniacally mutter that phrases as they realize they have been freed from the iron chains of matrimony.
Mainly I would in that situation. Strip iff my clothes running into the sunset, on a quest to find the moon so I can howl at it.
Just Giving It Back To You Dude
i remember being at my distant cousin's wedding and an old man walked up to me and said "that'll be you one day". a couple months later one of my aunts sadly passed away, and at her funeral i saw that same old man. i walked up to him and said the same thing. apparently that's not a good thing to do?
Historical Events That Are Hard To Believe Happened
Reddit user ThrowAwayMyLife2341 asked: 'What are some events in recorded history that are extremely hard to believe, but without a doubt actually happened?'
While we may not all enjoy studying history, we all have certain types of stories that interest us, and one that seems to catch everyone's attention are the hard-to-believe, almost far-fetched tales.
Interestingly enough, history is full of these stories, leaving many to believe that reality is truly stranger than fiction.
Redditor ThrowAwayMyLife2341 asked:
"What are some events in recorded history that are extremely hard to believe, but without a doubt actually happened?"
Second Chance Flight
"My colleague was on the plane to Hawaii where the entire top of the plane ripped off… they flew the rest of the way without any overhead."
"They landed and everyone walked off. It's absolutely insane to see the pictures. Talk about being given a second chance."
- SkydivingSquid
Running Late for the Olympics
"In 1908, Russia showed up 12 days late to the Olympics because the world switched calendars while they did not."
- drailCA
"To accommodate the Russian team, some events were rescheduled so that the Russian athletes could participate. This led to a longer duration for those Olympics, which lasted from April 27 to October 31, making it the longest Olympic Games in history."
- parkerjh
An Inescapable War
"The Battle of Bull Run, one of the first battles of the US Civil War, occurred on and around Wilmer McClean's farm in Northern Virginia. Not wanting to live surrounded by war, McClean and his family moved to Appomattox Courthouse, Virginia."
"The Battle of Appomattox Courthouse was the last significant battle between Union and Confederate forces. The Confederates signed the surrender order in Wilmer's sitting room."
"It is said that the Civil War started on Wilmer's farm and ended in his sitting room."
- csudebate
History of Bombings
"There was a Japanese man called Tsutomu Yamaguchi who was on his way to work in Hiroshima in 1945, when he saw falling through the sky, two miles from where he stood, what ultimately turned out to be the atomic bomb."
"He had just enough time to take cover in a ditch as the bomb detonated and miraculously he survived. Somehow the Hiroshima train station was still operational and so Yamaguchi, battered, bombed and bruised, decided to board a train to his family home so he could recover... in Nagasaki."
"Three days later, Yamaguchi was called into work to explain what he saw, which he did. At work, as he began to tell the story of what happened, the second bomb dropped."
"It was the reinforced concrete walls around him that saved him this time, and Yamaguchi quickly ran to find his wife and son. Ground temperatures in the city reached 4,000°C and radioactive rain poured down."
"The family's home was destroyed, but Yamaguchi's wife and son had thankfully been out shopping - looking for burn ointment for Yamaguchi, when the bomb fell, and they'd survived."
"Despite this ordeal of having survived two nuclear explosions and subsequent radiation exposure, Yamaguchi went on to live till 93 yrs of age. He died in 2010 after being recognized by the Japanese government as a 'nijyuu hibakusha,' or 'twice-bombed person.'"
- Voodizzy_
A Monumental Fall
"Nicholas Alkemade fell 18,000 feet without a parachute from a burning plane in 1944 and suffered no serious injury."
- hazps
"I see how the snow cover helped but how he didn’t get skewered by pine trees or break a single bone is shocking."
- switchbladeeatworld
"Imagine what he was thinking when he got up from that fall. What kind of crazy thoughts were running through his head."
- Lankey_Craig
"'Yeah, no one is gonna believe this one.'"
- Pennywise626
"Germans almost didn't, after finding him in just a flight suit but no parachute. They initially pegged him as a spy who'd been dropped behind their lines and had stashed his chute and gear. As such, he was likely to be executed."
"Except Alkemade was so insistent his captors went and found the wreckage of his aircraft, with the burnt remains of his chute stashed behind his gun position. Germans told him the news and shared vodka with him to celebrate."
- JohnnyJohnCowboyMan
Mass Dance in France
"That time everyone died of a dancing sickness where they danced themselves to death in France. Mass hysteria."
- DavinaCole
"St. Vitus’ Dance, as it is called, still doesn’t have a definitely known cause."
"New research as of 2021 shows Sydenham chorea as the most likely cause."
- ENFJPLinguaphile
The Return of the Sun
"The Battle of Halys."
"In roughly 6th century BC, the Medes and the Lydians were at war. The war had lasted for six years and climaxed at the Battle of Halys."
"During the battle, a solar eclipse began. Both sides believed that the Gods were angry at their long and bloody war, and were taking the sun away from them."
"They declared peace that day, and the sun was returned. But yeah, a war ended because of a solar eclipse."
- TheRogueBear
A Spicy Battle
"The Nutmeg Wars. The Dutch and the English went to war THREE times over nutmeg, which at the time was only known to grow on one South Pacific island."
- missoularedhead
Entertaining Prisoners
"Theodore Roosevelt found his boat was stolen. So he built a new boat, tracked the thieves down, and arrested them."
"He then proceeded to walk them multiple days, without sleeping, so they could receive a trial instead of just shooting them on the spot."
"It was in the middle of a harsh winter so he didn’t handcuff them (for fear they’d get frostbite), so instead, he just kept himself awake by reading Tolstoy with a gun trained on them the whole trek."
- Another_Road
"That's only the twenty-second most Teddy thing I've ever read, but a new one, which makes me love it."
- Beard_of_Valor
"I am always half convinced that Teddy Roosevelt was not a real person. No one could have been that absolutely wild and done that many things, but there is just too much overwhelming proof."
- LeSilverKitsune
Christmas Day 1914
"Christmas day 1914. The truce on the WW1 battlefields."
"It shows the humanity inside everyone, but they were able to wake up the next day and go straight back to war, kill the men that they’d spent a sincere day with."
- PotterWhoLock01
Honoring Everyone's Dead
"I can't remember where I saw/heard the story of Christmas Day 1914 (I think from the BBC), but I believe from one of the last-living Tommys, who said that whilst they were forced to start shooting at each other, the majority of shots intentionally missed, from both sides of no man's land."
"I believe it was also the same man who said, in reference to Remembrance Day, to also remember the Germans. That stuck with me. They were like our lads; sent out to fight a war for war's sake, forced to do unspeakable things to other men because some higher-up told them they had to."
- The_Gene_Genie
"Australia is a bit like this with regard to the Turks on ANZAC Day."
"One of the main ceremonies is reading the letter from Turkish commander and later founder of modern Turkey, Kemal Atatürk:"
"'Those heroes that shed their blood and lost their lives... you are now lying in the soil of a friendly country. Therefore, rest in peace. There is no difference between the Johnnies and the Mehmets to us where they lie side by side here in this country of ours...'"
"'You, the mothers who sent their sons from far away countries wipe away your tears. Your sons are now lying in our bosom and are in peace. After having lost their lives on this land they have become our sons, as well.'"
- Zebidee
The Medical Church
"In 1944, during the allied invasion of France, 2 American paramedics, Ken Moore and Robert Wright, 101st Airborne, saved around 80 soldiers of both sides, allied and axis. They set themselves up in a church, had only what was in their first aid kits and medic bags, and had a strict no-gun policy."
"The church was almost destroyed by a mortar shell, but it didn’t go off. It was almost destroyed again, due to friendly fire. Ken Moore would risk his life by venturing out of the church and finding injured soldiers, and both medics stayed behind at the church, even though the rest of their forces had to retreat. Wright took on the responsibility of looking after the soldiers."
"The church still stands in Angoville-au-Plain, France, the blood-stained pews are still there, and a broken tile from the mortar shell was never fixed, to honor the legacy of these men."
"This is very simplified, and probably inaccurate in a few ways, but it is still an incredible story."
- JustACanadianGuy07
A Lack of Perspective
"In 1903, The New York Times published an article about flying machines. They stated that it would take the combined efforts of all Mathematicians and mechanics 1-to-10 million years for powered flight to be achieved."
"Anyway, about nine weeks later, the Wright brothers achieved powered flight for the first time."
"They were also overly cynical after. In 1910 they said that flight would only ever be for billionaires, of course, we had commercial flights by around the 60s achievable for many."
- Joe_PM2804
The Year Without Summer
"1816, The Year Without Summer."
- theassassintherapist
"I'm a big classic horror fan, so I'm kinda glad this happened. Indirectly lead to Mary Shelley writing 'Frankenstein.'"
- UniversalHammer71
An Astronomical Life Cycle
"Halley's Comet appeared in the sky when Mark Twain was born in 1835."
"The comet moves in a seventy-five or seventy-six-year orbit, and, as it neared Earth once again, Twain said, 'I came in with Halley’s Comet and I expect to go out with it.'"
"Sure enough, he died on April 21, 1910, just as the comet made its next pass within sight of Earth."
- SuvenPan
While history may not be everyone's favorite subject, it'd be really hard to believe if someone didn't find at least one of these hard-to-believe occurrences interesting.
Anyone raising children can attest to the difficult challenges involved with being a parent.
And despite every intention of getting it right by doing the best job they can, not everyone is a perfect at being mom or dad.
Hopefully, people will be able to look back on their childhood and recognize that everything their folks did for them was all out of love.
If only that was the case.
Unfortunately, there are those who were never meant to be parents and have scarred their children with bad memories.
Curious to hear from strangers about their experiences growing up, Redditor Deviant55 asked:
"What is something that your parents did that you will never forgive them for?"
Emotional scars run deep for the Redditors here sharing their horrific stories.
Staged Christmas Robbery
"Close to Christmas when I was around 10/11 years old, I was home alone when there was a knock on the door. I answered and it was one of my mum's acquaintances."
"He told me that he'd spoken to my mum and needed to come in to pick some stuff up, so off he went upstairs and proceeded to steal all of the Christmas presents that were destined to be placed under the tree for my brother, sister and I on Christmas morning."
"I was oblivious to what the stuff that needed to be picked up was."
"Mum comes home 30 minutes later, asks if anybody came round whilst she was out."
"Proud as punch I say 'yup, Craig came round and picked the stuff up you told him about.'"
"YOU LET HIM IN THE HOUSE?!?"
'oh crap'
"Mum runs upstairs...."
'he's stolen all of your Christmas presents, you'll have nothing for Christmas now!'
"High drama, anger and profound guilt filled the entire house for the remainder of the night and a while after."
"About 6 months later I overheard a conversation I shouldn't have and figured out that there were no Christmas presents to start with, the whole thing was a setup."
"The household budget didn't stretch to maintaining existence, sating a rampaging heroin addiction AND Christmas presents."
"So yeah, my mum concocted a perfect plan to hide the lack of Christmas presents, remove herself from any perceived blame and let a 10 year old boy think that he had ruined Christmas."
"Those were the days!"
– greenear_1
Losing A Pet
"My mum sold my dog while I was at work. When I came home and was looking for them she told me that someone came to see him today and that they loved and took him. He went to a good home, but I never got to even say goodbye."
– Fenrizian
A Recurring Ailmemt
"My mom left my bro and I behind to go be a methhead while lying to people about having cancer. I've confronted her, told her to show proof of the cancer. Nothing. She gets cancer every five to ten years without going to the doctors."
– ShazBishop
Forced To Referee
"Probably that I ended up being the mediator between my mom and dad as they went through a divorce and one side was being frustrating to communicate with than the other."
"So I in part had to act as a go between information and nagging them to communicate for stuff like medical bills and insurance and school payment stuff from 7-15 or so."
– Hellsoul0
Warning: These involve stories of abuse.
Step-parent get a bad rap because of these unfit parental figures.
Fake Public Persona
"Similar situation. Mom remarried a verbally and physically abusive DBag. The real kicker is him being a teacher at the local High School and loved by the community. He would choke us and throw us around and tell us we would amount to nothing. Even his own children."
"My mom wouldn’t really do anything about it and we complained to my dad. It really messed me and my brother up mentally. Drove us both into deep depression and anxiety as we got into high school. I ended up being a lot bigger than my step dad and he eventually stopped acting that way because I started standing up to him. Now he is pretty chill but I’ll never forgive him for that, or my Mom. My Mom denies denies denies that it was her fault."
– yaboymilky
These examples only reflect a small number of traumatic experiences contributed by Redditors who were brave enough to share their stories.
There were several hundred more examples, showing that it was not uncommon for people to grow up in unloving households.
Hopefully, they have each found a way to find peace and recognize their courage as they realized they were not alone in their trauma based on this emotional thread.
Be it for clothes, household appliances, or food, sometimes you know you can be one hundred percent confident with certain brands or companies when shopping that you will be getting a quality product.
Unfortunately, this goes both ways.
Some companies have a reputation for exclusively selling and manufacturing low-quality products.
One would think that these companies might reflect on poor sales and bad customer feedback, and attempt to improve their brand with each passing year.
Unfortunately, even if they still get items on the shelf, reviews on Amazon and elsewhere still seem to remain at two stars or less.
"What companies shamelessly make sh*t products, year after year?"
False Advertising
"Holiday gift basket companies."
"I once felt obliged to buy one from a lady I worked with and it cost around fifty dollars."
"She had a brochure with various baskets and I chose one that was assorted candies and had a decorative wooden rocking horse."
"When it arrived it was just a bag of candy that I could have paid 35 cents for at a gas station."- Artai55a
30 rock gift basket GIFGiphySave A Few Cents For Inferior Quality
"It’s a throwback, but rose art for sure."
"They just decided their destiny was to sit on the shelf next to Crayola and get purchased by folks who are balling on a budget or cheap."
"No goals for product improvement at all."
"Just 'hey, wanna save three bucks?'"- Lucetti
Improvements Unlikely In This Digital Age
"Any printer manufacturer."- gbeegz
"HP printers."
"I have a $600 fancy laser HP printer we got six or seven years ago, and they have succeeded in updating the software to the point that nothing works anymore."
"I used to be able to print over Wi-Fi easily, scan over Wi-Fi, etc and now none of it works."
"I haven't changed any of my network hardware, things are hardwired."
"Also, I used to be able to use aftermarket ink cartridges and the printer has started giving me sh*t about it."
"I really like HP's computers, but their printers are a bunch of bullsh*t."
"Oh and their auto-update software won't go away even though I keep disabling/ removing it, and it installs software updates that breaks the current functions."- Bazirker
It's The Customer Service You Pay For...
"Oracle."
"Products intentionally sh*tty so they can make most of their money selling consulting just to make it, sort of, work."- s-starr
One Reason Sports Should Always Be Played Outside
"EA sports titles."- Stitches_Ito
Even Carrie Bradshaw Doesn't Like Shoe Shopping THAT Much...
"Doc Martens."
"My old pair from 20 years ago are still going strong, any new pair I get craps out after a year."- korar67
Doc Martens Shoes GIF by SORANGiphyScreaming For Ice Cream... And Not In A Good Way...
"Breyers and their 'Frozen Dairy Dessert' nonsense."
"Before 2006, Breyers ice cream was really good!"
"I loved their coffee ice cream!"
"And then they changed their formula and made the mess they have now to the point that they can't even legally call it ice cream anymore."
"Does anyone remember those old Breyers commercials where the kid tries to read the ingredients on an inferior product and struggles to pronounce things like 'mono & diglycerides' and then easily reads Breyers ingredients as 'milk, sugar, and cream?'"
"What a joke."
"Unilever loves to buy brands people trust for quality products and use that trusted brand name to get people to buy lower quality for higher prices."
"It seriously has the same consistency as Cool Whip now."
"And Unilever has the audacity to say that this is what customers asked for!"- akittyafterus
Who Exactly Is His Audience?
"If lockpickinglawyer is anything to go on its lock-companies."- knatten555
Literally Selling Sh*t...
"Home Depot has been selling manure since its founding in 1978."
"In fact, a quick search of the website found they proudly sell over 178 manure products."- atomicscateboard
The Original "Catfishers"...
"Mad Catz got away with murder for years."- Einar_47
Apple Is Listening...
"Samsung appliances."
"F*CK YOUR FIRMWARE UPDATE ON THE FRIDGE!"
"Also those plastic trays keep breaking and are sh*t quality."
"My 1987 Maytag is still cranking the coldest brews on earth and hasn't been serviced ever in its life and sits in a dark room in my basement since he was demoted from the kitchen for being out of fashion by my wife."- zendor666
Customers Weren't Looking For An Authentic "Frontier" Experience...
"Frontier Airlines."
"Sh*t experience, customer service, quality, reliability, comfort, convenience and fees."- Micklikesmonkeys
There are those who always like to give second chances whenever possible.
When it comes to spending a little more money for a more reliable product, however, customers should rightfully be one and done.
The paranormal is among us at all times.
The ghosts, the spirits, they "live" in their death.
Sometimes a coincidence or a phenomenon is something more.
Leftover essences have been seen and recorded.
Now not everybody is cool with every encounter.
I still have shivers depending on the mood.
But when will we all be on the same page and start living 'Beetlejuice?'
Day-OH!
That could help with the spookiness of it all.
Redditor AdonisBlackwood wanted everyone to share about the spooky things they've seen or experienced, so they asked:
"What paranormal activities have you witnessed?"
I hear things in my house.
At all hours.
Whispers. Clangs. Clacks.
And at night... there is a shadow.
Flying Foods
Chef Cooking GIFGiphy"A package of corn tortillas literally jumped off the shelf and onto the floor once at a large grocery store right in front of me. They did not slide nor did they fall. There was no one else around. I thought it was a sign to make enchiladas or something but it was also quite frightening."
_perl_
At Home
"Lights turning off/on. Items flying off of shelves/counters. One time when I was home at night by myself, I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and the bottom of one half of my scarf that I had draped over the top of my bathroom door was suspended at a 20-degree angle, including the tassels in midair. At this point, so many things were happening in my apartment (including physical welts down my back) that I was terrified to be in it."
"I ended up getting dressed and going outside the building before I broke down crying and called my grandma to come to pick me up. At a different time, my friend and I were outside the building smoking when we heard what sounded like someone thrashing my apartment. I'm talking chairs being smashed into walls, shelves being tipped over. I was the only person living in the building at the time."
"We raced upstairs to catch whoever it was but not a single thing was moved in my apartment and all the other units were locked (I checked). I never saw a ghost, apparition, shadow, etc. When we first moved in, everyone hated coming into our building. They said it felt off. My ex and I never felt that way at first and thought everyone was exaggerating."
"By the time I moved, I wouldn't speak about ghosts or watch anything remotely paranormal in my apartment. Eventually, I watched the Paranormal Activities at a friend's and cannot describe the chill I felt. Similar things were happening in my own home. Haven't experienced anything like it since I moved."
ElectronicDiscoBeans
Louder & Louder
"Not sure if this is considered paranormal, but when I get fevers as a child, I would always, in my fugue and pain-infused state, hear a man counting in a very deep voice. He would count from 1 and up; as the numbers get larger, the voice gets louder and more intense."
"It started to get less frequent as I grew older and now I do not experience it anymore. I've brushed it aside as a recurring nightmare until only recently, I've learned that my sister would experience the exact same thing when she was younger as well. It's not the scariest thing, but it does send shivers down my spine trying to comprehend this."
Issualave
I Froze
"I work in a cemetery. One evening I stayed late to do some catch-up work. I was taking pictures of some granite samples to have on my phone and had already locked up. I was alone. As I was holding my phone, I heard the doorway to the basement swing open, slam shut, and heard footsteps go down the stairs. I froze."
"I thought for sure someone had come in. I called out to see if it was someone from maintenance. No reply. I got scared because if it wasn’t them someone had broken in. I stayed still for a bit and listened then called out again. Nothing. Finally, I got brave enough to look. No one was there. I peeked down in the basement, empty. All the doors were still locked."
DannyPantsgasm
Face to Face
The Shining Halloween GIF by This GIF Is HauntedGiphy"At least once every couple of years, I'll be walking around the apartment at night, when it's dark, but I can still see enough to get around, and I'll have some shadow/figure type thing suddenly come out of nowhere and get right up in my face, so close that I can feel like I'm breathing on it. It disappears immediately after."
coldshadow31
I am convinced that every home is haunted.
We mortals just have to adjust.
In the Stars
"One night me, my dad, and a friend of his were standing outside watching the stars."
"After a bit of watching, what appeared to be a shooting star made a sudden and sharp 90-degree turn and then kept going for about 15 seconds and then did an equally sharp and sudden 90-degree turn to disappear a few seconds later. We all saw the same thing, but none of us had a good explanation of what we saw."
JonaJonaL
Grandma
"My brother was on the phone once with his gf when she started saying that she could hear some old lady asking my brother for a glass of water. There was nobody around him so he ignored it but she kept on insisting. He hung up the phone and went to check on our grandma who was in her bedroom and found her dead. Fast forward a couple of years, around 11 pm, I was on the phone with a girl when I saw a guy on a bicycle go past (phone was by the windowsill. Same spot as my brother)."
"That's when I noticed she stopped talking and asked her if she was still there. She apologized as she thought I got into trouble. I said no and asked why she said that and she replied with someone was telling me to 'stop talking on the phone, it's late. Go to bed.' I was on my own, everybody in the house was already asleep."
"I asked her if it was an old lady and she said yes. Told her it was my grandma and that the same thing happened to my brother. She started talking about ghosts and stuff so I told her I'm hanging up and bolted into my room."
ghentres
The humanoid shadow figure
"One time I woke up in the middle of the night and I checked my phone to see the time, and then as I was about to lay down and close my eyes I checked in front of me and a huge tall humanoid shadow figure was standing there blocking the view of a broken wall clock and I just started panicking and it still was there after many seconds and eventually it just disappeared after I looked away from it for a second."
AppleIsTheBest124
In the Ravine
"My family's old house backed onto a pretty substantial, forested ravine. I slept on the ground-level floor, and my room was at the back of the house. On 4 separate occasions, over the span of 5 years, I saw a middle-aged man dressed in a flannel shirt, blue jeans, and a red hat walk through my room with a dog leash in his hand."
"He would briefly stop at the same spot every time, and look around, then keep walking towards the ravine. I should note that this was fairly new construction in a suburb of a small city, and all that had been there previously was a forest."
"I think he lost his dog in the ravine at some point, and he was there trying to find it."
mikeytruelove
Gettysburg
Whoopi Goldberg Comedy GIFGiphy"I saw a ghost sleeping in the same bed as my brother at a bed-n-breakfast in Gettysburg."
ccottonball
"Gettysburg has such an oppressive heavy feeling in the air. It's absolutely beautiful but it reminds me of the home I grew up in VA in the Bull Run Battlefield."
Chichi_lovesme
The ghosts of war are always in unrest.
Well, most ghosts in general are in unrest.
And they clearly visit often.