If you really think about it, most nursery rhymes are super dark. Almost like they're warning children of what will happen if they misbehave, or to show them the horrors of the word. Especially the German ones, for some reason. Here are some of the most disturbing nursery rhymes.
u/DomMedbery11 asked: Most nursery rhymes have a dark meaning behind them, which one blows your mind the most?
Sounds culty to me.
One from my childhood that not many people seem to remember (maybe I just grew up in a cult without realising) was this:
"Oranges and lemons," say the bells of St. Clement's
"I owe you five farthings," say the bells of St. Martin's
"When will you pay me?" say the bells of Old Bailey
"When I grow rich," say the bells of Shoreditch
"When will that be?" say the bells of Stepney
"How should I know?" says the great bell of Bow
Here comes the candle to light you to bed
And here comes the axe-man to cut off your head
Chip, chop, chip, chop
The last man's dead
We would sing this in a large group. Two people would form an archway with their hands and everyone else would process through it. At the words "chip, chop," the people in the arch would start moving their arms up and down as people passed through. Whoever was caught between their arms on the word "dead" was out and would become part of another archway.
I didn't know the story behind this.Giphy
"Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run, see how they run,
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?"
This is a rhyme dedicated to Mary I's reign, also known as Bloody Mary.
The three mice are believed to be a trio of Protestant bishops, Hugh Latimer, Nicholas Radley, and the Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Cranmer, who conspired to overthrow Mary.
They were obviously unsuccessful and were found out, and then burned at the stake for treason and heresy. It was mistakenly believed that she also blinded and dismembered them, as the rhyme goes, as if being burnt alive wasn't enough.
Definitely doesn't help.
I know a German lullaby which was used to explain to children why their parents weren't coming home during/after the war: "Schlaf Kindlein schlaf" (sleep child sleep)
The disturbing part: "Papa ist in Pommerland Pommerland ist abgebrand Schlaf Kindlein schlaf"
It translates to: "Papa is in Pomerania (region between Poland and Germany) Pomerania burned down Sleep child sleep"
I doubt it actually helped any child understand the situation.
The Hearse song was a nursery rhyme from the early 20th century:
Don't you laugh when the hearse goes by 'Cause you might be the next to die
They'll wrap you up in a clean white sheet And put you down about six feet deep
They put you into a wooden box, And cover you over with earth and rocks.
It's not so bad for the first few weeks Until your coffin begins to leak.
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out The worms play pinochle on your snout
They eat your eyes, they eat your nose They eat the jelly between your toes
They eat your clothes, they eat your hat They crawl in skinny, and crawl out fat
Your teeth fall in and your eyes pop out, Your brains come trickling down your snout.
Then you turn disgustingly green Your skin as slimy as whipping cream.
So next time you see the hearse go by Watch out! You may be the next to die!
That is messed up.Giphy
Rock-a-bye Baby. What's a baby doing in a tree? And the baby falls which is horrible.
The damn cradle is in the tree as well.
Woah, never thought of it that way.
Growing up (early 80s), we'd all put our dukes (fists) in and sing little rhymes to determine who would be IT for our form of tag (Bloody Murder).
I swear on my life, we sang:
Eenie, meenie, minie, moe, catch a TIGER by the toe. If he hollers, let him go. Out goes you.
I remember my mom yelling at us saying we were not allow to sing it because it was racist. I've never seen her so angry. We never sang it again. Flash forward to my 20s when I learned that tiger used to be the N-word and then my mom's banning of the song made so much sense. I don't know the history of the rhyme but I am sure it does not have the most pleasant history.
"Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With silver bells, and cockle shells, And pretty maids all in a row"
Found out a few years ago it was about Queen Mary of England and Silver bells, cockle shells are torture devices.
Classic nursery rhyme.Giphy
Lizzie Borden took an ax
Gave her Mother forty whacks
When she saw what she had done
she gave her father forty one.
Based on the real life Lizzie Borden who killed her parents.
Never wake up.
I remember one from my childhood. It goes: "Guten Abend, gut' Nacht, mit Rosen bedacht, mit Näglein besteckt, schlupf unter die Deck. Morgen früh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt, morgen früh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt."
Which translates to: "Good evening, and good night, With roses adorned, With carnations covered, Slip under the covers. Early tomorrow, so God willing, you will wake once again."
The part with the roses and carnations always reminded me of throwing flowers into the grave during funerals. And the last part implies that you might as well not wake up the next morning.
That's one way to teach them.
I can't back this up and this definitely isn't the most disturbing one on here but I've always thought that "it's raining, it's pouring. The old man is snoring. He went to bed, and he bumped his head, and he didn't get up in the morning." Was trying to teach kids about concussions.
There's nothing more embarrassing than laughing at a story someone just told, or a question someone just asked, under the assumption that they were joking.
Only to realize a few seconds later that they weren't joking.
It happens to the best of us.
In some cases, these can be bizarre stories which we might laugh about months or years down the road.
Though more often than not, we immediately feel a foot slamming into our mouth with a vengeance.
Redditor tatemalia was eager to hear the wildest, most embarrassing of these unfortunate moments, leading them to ask:
"What's your 'Oh..You're not joking' moment?"
Oh, bless your heart.
"Had an old lady ask me when her dog would grow its leg back after an amputation."- Moctor_Drignall
Don't mind if I do
"I was eating ice cream and an old guy walking into the ice cream parlor said, 'Oh, that looks good! I'm gonna get a spoon'."
"I smiled and laughed awkwardly, until his damn spoon was in my ice cream."- KnittingTrekkie
Feedback is greatly appreciated
"It was when I met up with an online friend for the first time."
"It was surprisingly more fun than I thought it would be."
"By the end of the night, as we were waiting to get served at a restaurant, she looked at me and asked how I thought our outing went."
"I told her that I had a great time."
"But that didn't seem to do it for her."
"She proceeded to tell me about how she does this thing, at the end of every outing with her friends, where she rates and gives feedback on how well it went, what didn't go so well, and what could do with some improvement for next time."
"I laughed it off, thinking she was joking."
"It all felt too robotic and school-like for me to take seriously."
"But she definitely was serious."
"I told her to go first so I could get an idea of what she wanted and, I kid you not, she whipped out her phone and started drafting up multiple paragraphs for about 7 minutes or so."
"I felt so awkward because it was also 7 minutes of pure silence and deep concentration."
"Thankfully, I had to leave mid-way because I was needed elsewhere."
"I told her to just text me her thoughts when she was done but she insisted that that wasn't the way to do it, and it HAD to be done in person."
"I still can't believe this is something her and her friends regularly do."- reigndrops17season 10 episode 22 GIFGiphy
We'll take the house, no need for a bag.
"Working in a catalog store in the UK."
"You pick from the catalog, we bring it out from the warehouse."
"Lady comes in and orders the single largest thing we keep in store."
"A shed. "
"Not a particularly big shed as sheds go, but still a shed."
"'Ok madam if you give me your vehicle's registration number I'll tell the security guys to let you round the back of the store'."
"'Park in bay five and we'll load it for you'."
"'What are you talking about?'"
"'You have to park around back so we can load it into your vehicle'."
"'I don't have a vehicle'."
"'Oh, well, we have the numbers for some white van men and taxi services if you'd like to...'"
"'No just bring it up, Keith can carry it'."
"She indicates a portly man of around 50 across the room'."
"We got it into the lift diagonally, though it trapped a man behind it, and when it came up she said 'what on earth is that?'"
"'That's your shed, madam'."
"'My Keith can't carry that!'"
"'Yeah no sh*t, would you like me to call a van service for you?'"
"She actually just got a refund and left."- reverendmalerikRace Shed GIF by CBSGiphy
That's not yours, its mine!
"I work at a hotel."
"We have this regular who comes, but usually makes reservations ahead of time, and she has her 'favorite' room she tries to get."
"Well one day she walked in, asking for a room."
"I had rooms available, but not the one she wanted, and she replied 'oh, call the guests in that room and tell them to move out so I can have it'."
"I seriously thought that was a joke and I played along, saying 'I'll get right on that,' as I was getting her info in the computer."
"All of a sudden she said, 'aren't you going to call them?'"
"'Those guests in that room so I can have it'."
"'Oh, you really weren't joking'."
"I told her that we don't do that, if she wanted that room she needed to call ahead."
"'I have a room, I know it's not your preferred room but it's all I've got, and you can take it or leave it, but I'm not moving a guest out'."
"She seemed almost taken aback by that, but I told her that if she didn't take the room I had she wouldn't get anything."
"She calls ahead now, but I was mortified and shocked she actually tried this stunt, and actually meant it."- llcucf80
What is the meaning of this?!
"Used to work at a big bank that bought out another, somewhat smaller but still pretty big bank about 10 years ago."
"Some guy came in all pissed off because we didn't send him a new debit card with the new bank's logo on it."
"They intentionally made it so the old ones would continue working until they were originally set to expire."
Said it was "'embarrassing'."
"'I can't be the only person who's gotten upset over this, right?'"
"Yeah homie, you were."- giantgooseGiphy
It's easy to understand how these poor people thought what they had just heard was a joke.
One imagines, going forward, they might wait to laugh until after the people they were talking to start laughing.
Being cheated on is a horrible feeling.
And some would say that cheating on your significant other is inexcusable.
Perhaps that's why when partners come up with excuses and reasons as to why they cheated often make these situations so much worse.
But in some cases, these excuses might end up lightening the situation, owing to the sheer idiocy of these justifications.
Redditor tall_boizz was curious to hear the lamest, most ludicrous excuses people were given from their unfaithful partners, leading them to ask:
"What is the dumbest explanation you've heard from someone who cheated?"
I saw you yesterday!
"I missed you."
"I was on a short vacation."- haynb03
It's not me, it's you
"'If you had confidence in yourself, none of this would have happened'."- marques33
Well, you did
"'I didn't want to hurt you'"
"Way to go, dude."- taalnerd
It was out of grief
“'My grandmother died'.”
"I didn’t realize cheating on your girlfriend is the standard grieving method." - User DeletedTears Crying GIFGiphy
I'm only monogamous in the city I'm in.
“'When you said you wanted to be exclusive I thought you meant exclusive here'."
"'You never even asked if I had a boyfriend'.”
"I had been 'dating' this girl for 3 months in college when she admitted that she had been in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend from high school the entire time and she had slept with him each time she visited her parents, which was at least once a month."- dring157
"'You deleted your Facebook, and my friend and I thought that was fishy'."
"I don't even know where to start with that kind of rationality."- RandylVlarsh
We were just too perfect
"'We never have any fights'."
"So you decide to cheat so I can get mad at you?"- somerandomredditor18vanessa williams GIFGiphy
“'I wanted to try something new'.”
"He cheated on me with his ex."- meeez80
Quid Pro Quo... OOPS!
"‘I thought you were doing it too!’ "
"F*ck him!"- mawo77
I had to compartmentalize
"A friend in a long-distrance relationship who only saw his GF on weekends because she was at an army posting at the other end of the country during the week."
"He found out she was cheating on him with some guy."
"'Well, for me the army and my private life are two different lives, so it makes sense I have two different boyfriends'."
"For context, I'm from Germany, this was the German army, and 'the other end of the country' was about six hours by train, the train being free for soldiers."fox broadcasting sleeping GIF by The OrvilleGiphy
When people need to dig up excuses as laughable as these, it's often because they are well aware they were in the wrong.
Hopefully, the unlucky partners of this unfaithful, motley crew can take solace in the fact that they are now much better off.
Usain Bolt's 9.58 second 100-meter dash at the 2009 IAAF World Championships.
2,019 people performing "mattress dominoes" in Rio De Janeiro in 2019.
Audra McDonald's six Tony award wins and being the only actor to win in all four acting categories.
These are only a few of the most notable, and unusual world records that have yet to be beaten.
Records some even think might never be beaten.
Redditor badblackguy7 was curious to hear what other world records people think will never be broken, leading them to ask:
"What is a record, sports or otherwise, that will likely never be broken?"
Let's hope so!
"FDR being elected US president 4 times."- holyhellnothingworks
Unbroken thanks to modern technology
"The Lion King as the highest VHS sales of all time."- Fawqueue
Once in a lifetime
"Jacque Villeneuve, Michel Schumacher and Heinz Harald Frentzen set the exact same time in qualifying in the 1997 European grand Prix."
"To the THOUSANDTH of a second."- DaBi5cu1t
Do NOT try this at home
"Oh I know this one."
"When I was a kid, we had a Guinness book of records lying around that we liked to browse in while bored."
"There was this one guy in it who held a record for most bikes eaten."
"No, you did read that right."
"He ground up a bike and slowly consumed it over I don't know how long a time."
"The record was accompanied by a note that no further records of bike eating would be accepted, as it was deemed too dangerous."- PicajosanGiphy
They made sure this will never happen again
"The longest professional tennis match of all time."
" John Isner vs Nicolas Mahut at Wimbledon 2010."
"It lasted 11 hours 5 minutes, spanning 3 days of play, with a final score of 6-4, 3-6, 6-7, 7-6, 70-68"
"It was already nearly twice as long as the previous record holder."
"The reason it will likely never be broken is that every professional tournament except for one, Roland-Garros, now has tiebreaker rules that limit the number of games that can be played in final sets."
"Although it’s hypothetically possible at RG, clay court tennis is not at all conducive to the serve-and-volley style of play that led to the insanely long 5th set of Isner-Mahut."- MSims2992
"California here I come..."
"The current record for the Cannonball Run, a drive from NY to LA, is about 25.5 hours."
"It was set in May of 2020, and the drivers were able to make use of the lack of traffic due to the pandemic to break the record."
"Barring another similar world changing event, traffic conditions will probably never be what they were when that record was set."- SexyNeanderthal
Any other challengers?
"887 wins to 2 losses."
"Entered 9 world championships and never lost a bout in them."- minorboozerLoop Spinning GIF by WWEGiphy
Winning is just showing up.
"Glenn Hall played 502 consecutive games as an NHL goalie."
"Zero chance that will ever be broken, goalies these days rarely play more than 3/4 of an 82-game season, let alone numerous seasons without a night off."- ButtholeQuiver
"Surprised no one mentioned the unlimited water speed record."
"The current unlimited record is 511.11 km/h (317.59 mph)."
"Achieved by Australian Ken Warby in the Spirit of Australia in 1978."
"It hasn’t been broken to this day due to how dangerous it is to go at those sort of speeds on the surface and plenty of people have passed away trying."- Sliiated
"I'll be waiting, waiting for you..."
"The longest non consecutive billboard 200 album streak belongs to none other than, The Dark Side Of the Moon by Pink Floyd."
"It currently has been on the chart for 962 weeks."
"Second in line is Legend, by Bob Marley and the Wailers, at 733 weeks, meaning Marley and the wailers would need almost 4.5 years of time on the charts, with Floyd being absent, in order to take the number one spot."- Floyd-Van-Zeppelinmoving pink floyd GIFGiphy
There is a likely chance that these records will never, in fact, never be broken.
But one has little doubt that people will continue to try.
And power to anyone attempting to sell more video cassettes than The Lion King.
Prison is no place you want to be.
It's a hard, cold, dangerous environment.
Many people try to make the best of it.
What else can you do?
One would be surprised what useful tidbits follow one past the bars.
Redditoryouknowyoulickwanted to hear from those that have done a little time by asking about how free life and jail life can be useful to one another. They asked:
"People who have been in jail, what habits do you still do today that you learned from being in lockup?"
I've met a few people who did time and utilized it to learn. It's always possible.
No Bumpingbuster keaton GIFGiphy
"When my dad came home from prison I remember him being very polite .He was careful not to bump anybody, and he always said excuse me if he were trying to pass somebody."
"The dorm pod I was in had metal stairs that made loud noises when you walked down them. Almost got in a fight with 3 other people because I woke up at night and had to piss and woke everyone up. To this day I can't fall asleep without peeing immediately before laying down. Like, even if I went less than an hour earlier I have to stand there and focus with yogi-like intensity to squeeze a few drops out or I lay awake feeling like my bladder is full."
"I can play Spades a bit better now."
"Man I got really good at spades in there. Played constantly. Had 400 packets of ramen at one point, then people stopped wanting to play me and my partner."
"I can never find anyone who knows how to play spades and it is very frustrating. Hokm is a game with almost the exact same rules, except spades is not necessarily the high suit. Cards are dealt face up at the beginning and whoever gets the first ace, after being dealt the first hand of five cards, chooses the high suit. The rest of the hand is then dealt and the game proceeds."
"Man jail-house chess players are fun opponents. They can play some stupid s**t that ends up transposing into a solid mainline. I'll be like, how can I punish this? then all of a sudden be like, oh we're here?"
"Wow, that's funny you should mention that. I was talking to a US chess champion in a bookstore once (chance encounter) who regularly played against dozens of people for charity. He randomly mentioned that people who learned in jail were very tricky because it was all nonstandard stuff and lots of tricks and traps. But said he always beats them anyway."
In BetweenSalt Bae Sugar GIF by TruviaGiphy
"Save every extra sugar packet I come across in case I get hungry between meals."
Well it sounds like there are skills to be acquired while the time goes by.
Food NeedsMr Bean Eating GIFGiphy
"Eating fast. Too fast honestly."
"Picked this up in the military and 14 years later I still scarf my food down like the worlds ending."
Use of Space
"My bedroom is basically set up like my old cell. In my bedroom I have everything at arms length. I sit with my back to the wall when I'm out. I still pace back and forth in small spaces."
"My boyfriend still does all of this too. He also sleeps with a crow bar or a bat next to the bed and gets super on edge when someone comes walking up behind him. When we go out to eat he always needs to be facing the door. I get annoyed with it sometimes but when he explains how we've both had very different live experiences it really puts it into context."
"Being entertained doing absolutely nothing like staring at a wall I just don’t get bored anymore."
"I was put on three months bed rest at the start of 2020, and I learned this skill. I’m honestly never bored. Ever. I’m not someone who’s really ever been bored much to begin with. I would spend hours thinking about everything and nothing and staring at the trees out my window. Very healing actually."
"I did 12 years in a state institution. The only really strange thing to me was answering the telephone. First off, you don't receive calls. Second, once the call connects, you can hear them say hello and then a prompt plays letting them know the call is recorded and what not before you then say hello. For about a year people would answer when I call them and I would wait for the recording to play before responding."
Senses UpSpider-Man What GIF by Caleb Linden DesignGiphy
"Hypervigilant. Size up everyone everywhere I go. Especially public transport and public spaces."
This are some very interesting habits they've picked up.
Do you have similar stories? Let us know in the comments below.
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