Fatherly advice is the sort of thing so valuable that there have been countless books, characters, and even YouTube channels built around it.
We didn't all grow up with a father - or one who was capable, for whatever reason, of sharing nuggets of sage wisdom.
Some of us, though, got dads who were right up there with Mr. Miyagi, Mr. Rogers (either the neighbor one or the superhero one works here) or Uncle Iroh. Reddit wanted to shine a spotlight on those dads and the wisdom they doled out:
Those who grew up with a good father. What was the most important thing you learned from him?
For real... we're kind of inspired right now.
You
"You are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life ."
In other words, take responsibility for what you do, learn how to move past your mistakes, and realize that your actions have consequences.
My uncle said something similar. Learn to be happy with yourself, if you can't, then investigate why and fix it.
I want to add something to that, if I may.
You have to take care for yourself, to the end. You're the only person that can make yourself happy. Yes, this can be with other persons; but when you're in a bad relationship, bad environment or what ever then YOU are the person that should do something about it.
Don't stay with the person(s) that don't make you feel good, loved or are bad for you.
Walk Anyway
wave lol GIF by Shalita GrantGiphyWe were once watching the show Survivor, and on this particular episode the people were flown in to where they were set to be stranded. The catch was that they had to trek quite a ways to their camps, and beforehand they voted on who they thought the weakest link would be right off the bat and based on first impressions.
The lady that was voted as weakest got a ride to camp rather than having to walk. My dad scoffed and said "Screw that, I would have walked anyway to prove them all wrong."
Simple, but it has stuck with me ever since. In the context of a survival game it's a bad move; conserve your energy. But I think for me it's about more than that.
It's a reminder that it's easier to be lazy, especially when others expect it from you, than to hold up the personal standards you should carry for yourself. Don't let them carry you. If they think you're too weak to walk, walk anyway.
- le_trout
Default To Kindness
My dad taught me to always be kind. Kindness isn't loud, it doesn't need to be stated. It should just be inherent in everything you do.
You don't have to like everyone or treat them well if they don't treat you well, but you should try to approach everyone with the same kindness you'd wish they'd give you.
Same! Also, you can cut ties without burning bridges. It's okay to say "this person no longer needs to be in my life, but I won't hurt then while I say goodbye"
Easy Ain't It
If it was easy, everyone would do it.
I follow a modified version of this in business: If it was fun or exciting or easy, they wouldn't pay us to do it instead.
It's a lesson that some of the most boring, basic, monotonous stuff imaginable can make you the most money. On the flip side; the funnest, most interesting stuff is the stuff that the clients all want to try doing for themselves (or there's an over-saturated market of people doing it.)
The more annoying and complex the better because they'll pay us extra to deal with it for them.
Listen
If you don't know how to make things better, just listen.
Dads like fixing problems but a lot of problems my sister and I had weren't things he could do anything about (friendship problems, breakups), but he'd listen to us vent about it.
People really value having someone listen to them, my friend went through a really hard time a few years ago and ended up getting depression. Some friends just left her to it but I invited her round, let her just talk. I've never experienced depression so felt so helpless not knowing how to fix it, but just listening to her and being present was still a help to her.
- Char1112
Time
To kids, Time = Love
- headdna
Thiiiiissssss. Buying your kids the latest toys etc is no where near as impactful as spending time with them. I've realised over the last few years how many things my dad took me too or did with me that wouldn't have been necessarily up his alley but he genuinely found happiness in spending time with us.
We didn't have a lot of money and therefore didn't have a lot of "things" but I feel luckier because my dad spent as much time with us as he could. If I become a parent that's one of the most important values I want to live up to.
Sober
If you ever feel like you have a problem, just know you can live a full happy life without alcohol. He couldn't control it, and neither could I. He gave it up so he could have his son in his life, I gave it up because of his example.
Mine never taught me this. He died because he choked on his vomit when I was 7 years old. It took 10 years in a drunken stupor and a few rotten teeth for me to realize that something had to change.
This lesson is more important than we know.
- Thwashow
Priorities, Purpose and Patience
music video GIFGiphyTo always make your loved ones a priority. Make it your purpose. My dad worked hard to give us a comfortable life and more opportunities than most. And after what I can only assume was a long and tiring day, the first thing he'd do was sit and watch cartoons with me and my brothers while asking us about our day.
And when he was forced to quit his job and decided to start up his own company, go on for half a year without income, I can only imagine how stressful it was to be so uncertain about the future while providing for a family of 6. I was slightly young but I never knew anything was wrong. He never let it show. And even though he worked probably ten hours a day, he always took the time to ask me how I was doing and go to every important event with us. My dad was and is a superhero. Always will be.
The next thing I'd say I learnt from him was patience. Whenever he was upset with me or thought there was something up, he'd ask me about it and wait until I was done with my side before saying anything. Really made me feel heard and less worried to tell him something even when I knew its not what he'd like to hear.
Indulgence Encouraged
My dad taught me to indulge my love for learning.
Want to read a history of the Aztecs at 6 years old? He took me to the library and we got a real history book and he helped explain what I had a hard time reading. Want to help in the garage? He taught me all the tools and taught me how to clean them and oil them and how to use them.
He always took me seriously and answered every question. He was my greatest teacher and my biggest defender and my rock. I lost him in 2003 and I have missed him every minute since then. How I raised my kids has a whole lot to do with how he raised me.
Make It Make Sense
My favorite quote came from the early 2000's. He died 11 years ago.
"If the way this world works ever starts to make sense to you, you need to start worrying about yourself."
The world is absolutely as screwed up as it looks. Don't let it screw you up trying to make sense of it.
My dad would say that his father taught him that things would never make sense if he didn't pay attention.
My dad told me that the opposite would be true by the time I grew up. Right he was.
- T65bX
Not About Success
Life is not about success, attaining things, status, etc. Those things have a place, but they shouldn't be your main focus.
Instead, concentrate on being a better version of yourself. Grow, learn, be honest with people and be honest with yourself (which is harder imo). Cultivate real relationships with people. Take care of and be grateful for the one's you love. It's okay to fail, but it's not okay to not try.
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Redditor Jarvis_Strife wanted to hear about the times the price tag left people a little shook, so they asked:
"What turned out to be A LOT more expensive than you anticipated?"
Used cars.
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD?!
How does a 20 year old car with 250,000 miles on it cost THOUSANDS of dollars?!
MADNESS!
Open Wide
Dentist GIFGiphy"Root canal with a crown. I understand now why a lot of people just get the tooth pulled."
Bitey_the_opossum
"Dental insurance barely covering anything is crazy to me. It’s extremely important to keep teeth healthy, being that an infection can kill you, so you think it would be covered under preventative care, but nope."
Jamie9712
The Usual
"Car repairs."
BlackLesbianTroll
"My usual shop tried to charge us $700 for a coolant flush, engine air filter, battery, and spark plugs. I did all of it but the spark plugs myself in an hour for about $120. I have started doing my own oil changes and it's about 50% cheaper. It's crazy how much places by me charge for cheap and easy stuff."
gaybatman75-6
"The fact that every service ends up being an extra $100+ is frustrating sometimes too 😮💨."
-Tired_Phoenix-
Flooring
"Rugs. Biggest shock when I got my own place."
spnginger3
"One of those things I can’t believe people pay full price for. Those things are like 85% margin if you buy them from retail. Find a local auction website and search through it to find a rug distribution center that usually does quarterly (or so) liquidations at auction. You can get thousands of dollars in rugs for a couple hundred bucks."
FairState612
Window Dressing
"When I bought my first house about 5 years ago it was a new build, as such it had no blinds or curtains etc. I’m a blinds guy so we got a company Dunelm Mill to make us measure blinds for the whole house. It was a couple thousand pounds but we had allowed for it when buying."
"The blinds ended up being a little delayed, not a crazy amount but a bit of a frustrating amount - maybe 2 months or so. They straight up gave them to us (and still fitted them for us) literally for free, and they had given us a temporary more basic blind for our bedroom in the meantime!"
jw205
Why so much?
Angry Organized Crime GIF by Law & OrderGiphy"Kitchen garbage can. Why are they $50+!?"
redheadscorp
"Man mine was double that! Options are apparently either a five-dollar plastic bin with no lid that is borderline useless or a $100+ Ferrari trash can. I just wanted one with a lid and a foot pedal to open it."
BellicosePost
Seriously garbage bag prices have gotten out of control.
There has to be a better way to sell this product.
Get Another Quote
Doors Doorways GIF by Joe MerrellGiphy"I had someone come out to the house and he quoted me almost $20k to replace four doors. I passed."
stoneman9284
"I'd get another quote. I spent $1,500 to have an exterior door replaced last year. I had quotes come in from $1,500 to $7,500 for the same scope of work."
Milehighcarson
In the dirt
"Landscaping. Even by yourself."
alwaysyardening
"There's that saying 'cheap as dirt' but soil/dirt is expensive AF."
notjanelane
"Getting quotes on having some landscaping done and wow... it is insane. Four quotes ranged from $1500 to $8500 for the same work. To the point where I called the $1500 and told them maybe I forgot to include stuff because their quote was so much lower. LOL!"
Miserable_Emu5191
"Landscaper quoted us $20k to re-rock flower beds that already had [some] rock in them. We were getting more of the same rock to just freshen it up. I laughed them out of my house. We did it ourselves... very. very. slowly. And very painfully. Still spent $12k after everything was done."
thatChickinBFE
Chronic
"Being sick/chronic illnesses/becoming disabled. Everyone thinks that having a chronic illness or becoming disabled is a great excuse to sit at home and watch TV all day. The constant doctor visits, surgeries, prescriptions, medical devices, and therapies add up to thousands a year."
"And the more you make the more you spend, when I could still manage to work I’d pay for or buy any type of treatment or device I could that promised some relief. $100 massages every week? Ok fancy chiropractor at $40 a visit, sure. $100 massager tool, ok. I’ve spent tens of thousands just because I got in a car accident that left me with chronic back pain and surgery that left me disabled."
"And these are just the monetary costs, there are plenty of costs that aren’t money. Want to enjoy a day out, well now you need to be on bed rest for a week. It’s constant and unrelenting, and unless a miracle happens it will be the rest of my life."
PinkPrincess1224
Every Week
"Seriously, groceries, it's insane how high the prices have risen on everything."
Ddowns5454
"The really shi**y thing is it keeps going up basically on a weekly basis. I work for a major national grocery store and I hang the sales tags for the grocery department. We apparently have this AI that will see how much money they can milk out of customers."
"It will set a price higher and I think based on how much we well over a specified amount of time the system will lower the price if the changed price cuts too much into their profits. I've seen crazy price jumps of like $2 or $3 because they are just trying to f**k with the prices until they hit that sweet spot."
jpaugh69
Every Breath
life GIFGiphy"Life. Even just sitting in my apartment doing nothing costs $2000 a month."
Eyfordsucks
"For real. I pay 1600 for half of a beat-up duplex. After everything, it's like I have my Xbox and that's it."
Lovetopuck37
Life. What a scam.
Even breathing feels expensive.
