The Workplace Because Of Course It's The Workplace

Easiest place to find BS excuse makers? The workplace. No one likes to do hard labor, so the easiest way to get out of it? Lie.

And then get caught.

That Sure Sounds Like Dangerous Driving

"I wasn't driving dangerously, I was swerving to the music"

- a moron who we fired for having numerous driving complaints. It's not often that I want to punch someone in the face because they're just that stupid, but that boy sure fit the bill.

LookOutForThatMoose

We Can See You!

I was 18 or 19 and working in a restaurant kitchen..there was this pretty useless guy there who would often call in sick /miss work with the most ridiculous excuses..one time he called the chef may be an hour before his shift to say he couldn't come in because his house was on fire... He lived literally across the street. You could basically see into his living room window from the front entrance of the restaurant. His house was not on fire.

Jdmisra81

Staking Your Claim And Doing Nothing

At my warehouse we have a "sweeping schedule". Everyone is required to pick a day and a time (A.M. or P.M.) to sweep the floors, and nobody is excluded. 64 year old boss man himself goes out there and sweeps every Monday and has for 20 years.

New employee shows up for training. Tell him about the sweep schedule. He says, "Oh I'm not doing that sh-t. That's emasculating and I ain't no b-tch. Don't we have some women or some foreigners for that?"

Boss man overhears. "Listen son, if you can't push a broom, you can't do jack sh-t."

Then he points at a sign above the exit.. the sign reads: "If you can't do jack sh-t, get the f-ck out"

TheRuneCoon

I Know For A Fact You Opened It, Carol!

"That's the first I heard of it"

...when you had sent them an email about it

...and they replied to the email

...and they were in the meeting where it was discussed

...and their inaction caused more work on you

A_Garbage_Account

No Reasoning? No Job.

"Because I said so." you realise the purpose of an excuse is to validate what you did or want someone else to do. Not to make me absolutely sure I'm not doing sh-t for you.

BulletBoi117

*glances at a clock*

Guy couldn't cover my shift to go to a wedding because he had "dinner at his in laws".

The shift was over at noon.

heavydee52

Finding Liars In Your Day-To-Day

You can't avoid liars, even outside the workplace. Odds are you'll find people in your immediate social circles or simply walking down the street who need to be reminded that it's easy enough to prove them wrong.

A Nothing Response

I'm just a [astrological sign] I can't help it

IFKETOFATTY

People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday

Translation: I'm Really Not Going To Miss You Guys That Much

"I had to walk my dog" - a friend who was moving away and didn't show up for his own going away party.

ToothbrushGames

Trying To Hurt Someone

I was sparring against a teen the same age as me in muay Thai class, his punches felt unusually hard though and I though maybe his gloves are old but later on I had a busted lip and a bruised face So it ended there. Our trainer grabbed his gloves because he saw them as thin, he looked inside and there were stitches. Immediately he said the most bull sh-t excuse ever, "the padding evaporated". He was kicked from the class and never came back.

Francis_De_La_Filth

Hoping To Keep It Secret

"I didn't think you'd find out."

nameless_john_smith

Respect for honesty.

You're still in sh-t though

Conchobar8

I'm On To You, Cody!

My 3-year old nephew put an unwrapped Kinder Egg beneath his pillow before he went to sleep. His excuse to my sister was that he wanted a Kinder Chicken to get more eggs.

Doodle_Brush

Digital Tracking

I can't come to your party I have homework! (I'm 14) and then you see them on discord for the next 3 hours!

mInkleshmInk

Romantic Difficulties

Then there are those excuses which arise in the throes of romance. It's especially difficult in matters of the heart, as a mistake or a slip-up could lead to the end of said relationship, so you lie, hoping to make things better, but usually it leads to a worse outcome than what would have originally happened.

Got The Receipts, Right Here

So me and my now ex's best friend planned a surprise party for her at my place and I asked her if she wanted to come by and hang out with me, text conversation went like this:

Me: Hey babe, wanna hang out at my place tonight?

Her: Sorry babe, I'm currently with (her best friend), and we're about to go see a movie

Her best friend saw that, and she called her from my phone asking what she was actually doing, and we could hear the guy she was with saying, "Yeah, I should probably go"

Needless to say, there was no party

AMG_V8

You Can Spend Money On Different Things? Maybe? To Save The Relationship?

Ugh. My friends boyfriend, when she asked if they could start snowboarding as a hobby since they've been kind of stuck in a rut. "I already have an expensive hobby" that hobby is PC gaming. 🤦🏻♂️

ohvictorho

Ex For A Reason

my ex girlfriend got drunk, drove to my house at 2am, banged on the door, punched me in the arm, threatened to kill my new girlfriend, spit on me, and then fell down in my front lawn screaming that I had punched her (which I hadn't) and threatened to call the police.

The next day she said "I'm just a fiery latina!"

Haunting-Mortgage

Sure, Zach. Sure.

"I only hit on you so that you would come out to me. I'm not actually gay bro." - A closeted jock in high school. He also asked for my Snapchat and would ask for nudes but then told all his friends that he just wanted to add me as a joke.

Sure, Zach.

Adrzz11

Be honest. Speak your truth. Honestly, the worst thing you could do to someone is giving them a lame excuse when the truth would work so much more effectively.

Especially when they can easily catch you.

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