Suddenly ceasing all forms of communication with someone is colloquially known as ghosting.
Anyone committing the practice says a lot about their character and are instantly pegged as someone who has no regard for people's feelings.
And while we default to criticizing the individual – whether they are a coworker, friend, or even a romantic interest – have you ever wondered if there is ever a valid excuse for their actions?
Curious to hear about the other perspective, Redditor are_we_human_ asked:
When Talking Does Not Help
These people thought the individual did not need an explanation for slipping out.
"When I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around them constantly. Like it felt like no matter what I said, it was always the wrong thing. I'd be asked for my honest opinion on something and no matter how I answered it was the wrong thing. Or even if I did so much as say 'I legitimately don't have any input for this, it's out of my wheelhouse', well…wrong answer."
"It got to the point where I got tired of just feeling like no matter what I said it was wrong and I just let the conversation die and dead it has been for a year or so."
Waiting To Make A Move
"I've technically done this by going 'okay, I'm always initiating the conversation, so now I'm going to let them message me first' and then never hearing from them again."
"Yeah, I've done this. The whole 'ok, your turn to take the lead' thing and they never contacted me again. When you couple it with the realization that the only time they were contacting you was to ask for a favor, you realize where things really stood."
For people wanting to cut off negative relationships, ghosting was the only solution.
Distancing From Troubled Relationships
"Because I found out he was verbally abusing his child and physically abusing his wife. Tried to do more for the wife and child but she went and denied it all when social services got involved. Sadly they are still together and he is still a drunk who hasn't changed."
"At that point I had to pull my family away from that and move on with life."
"Was my best friend since childhood and I never knew any of it all that time. 🤦♂️"
No Time For Fake Drama
"She kept lying to me. Really stupid small and mainly harmless lies - concerts she'd gone to, how many times she took her driving test, people she's dated. It's like she would forget that we'd been besties since we were 14 and were now in our 20's so I knew who she'd dated, concerts and driving test etc."
"She tried to get back in touch 5yrs later, messaging my sister and other school friends on FB saying she had desperately been trying to get in touch with me. She hadn't. I still lived in the same house, had the same mobile number and email etc"
"Eventually I got in touch with her and asked her to meet for coffee. Although it was lovely to see her and I genuinely missed her as we had some of the best times of our young lives together it became clear pretty quickly that she was still a liar but they had got bigger. Now she was saying her sister had attempted suicide and her daughter was nearly killed by a bus. I got really angry at her for telling such sh**ty lies like this which she tried to deny she was until I started asking her for details of when, where and how these things happened and she stumbled."
"I walked away and haven't heard from her since and I'm relieved. I don't need fake drama."
Too Many Lies
"Impulsive liars. I had close to the same situation. I wish I would've understood the thought processes and all that, the lying really gets old."
"I learned I was just a friend of convenience. Nobody wanted me around unless I was a free atm, free tank of gas, or a free ear to b*tch to. Even though they did the bare minimum to act like they cared, my problems were my own. Yet I always had to be available for their weekly/monthly breakdowns about the most avoidable shit, like, saving money to pay a bill. Then it turns into b*tching about something we have planned they can no longer go to, being completely unsubtle that they expect me to offer to foot the bill. Or my personal fav, lying to me about having the money to go do said thing, and then at the last minute, declare they had some unexpected expense to take care of and are now broke, throwing expectant looks my way. But disagree, or get angry, or GOD FORBID say no to something, and it's years of silence. Finally, one day I just decided to keep it that way. Been silent ever since. Why care about ghosting someone when you were never really friends in the first place? Easiest decision ever."
"She literally described my friendship as a burden. She said that she spent a lot of her time 'attending to' my messages and hang out time. An email or text message once or twice a week, and maybe a hang out session once a month is a burden? She then told me that I needed to 'think of a way to fix' our friendship."
"If my attention is a burden, then what exactly should I be doing? What does our friendship consist of if I cannot message you or hang out with you without being made to feel guilty about it? Why is it my responsibility to 'fix' our friendship when you're the one claiming it's broken?"
"I didn't exactly mean to ghost her...but every reply I came up with was filled with anger and hurt so I never sent it. It seems she'd be happier without me anyway."
"One of the girls in my HS group was manipulative and had narcissistic traits."
"She was scheming who to be friends with to gain station and popularity, organized these sh*it talking campaigns to bully some of our classmates and make them seem ridiculous. And multiple times when we hung out she would make all these bitchy remarks at how I behaved and about the things I said. Not even backhandedly, though I think she was aiming to be subtle, and just sucked at it."
"It was ridiculously, the final nail on the coffin was when I was hanging out with a good friend of ours, my sister and this girl. And the whole night she makes these annoying comments at my behavior and interests. Once I finally told her that this is enough, and she needs to stop, she blamed me for flipping over a single small comment, while OBVIOUSLY my sister and one of my best friends had very clearly seen that she was using all my insecurities against me the whole night and that I did not in fact loose it over a single comment."
"Some of my friends still liked her and excused her behavior, so i simply stopped inviting her to places, talking to her and when invited somewhere together, avoided talking to her. After high school ended we didn't talk for years untill she recently sent a message apologizing."
"Dude I was friends with for a few years, one day out of seemingly nowhere he started spewing a bunch of anti-jew crap on facebook, essentially blaming the jews for any and every inconvenience or negative experience he or the world experiences. I unfriended him and never attempted contact again."
People who felt their energy was being sucked away did what they had to do.
Not A Therapist
"He tried to cling to me as if his mental health was my responsibility. He really just couldn't comprehend the fact that having a friend is not the same as talking to a therapist."
"I was this friend and I didn't even realise it til she (thankfully only temporarily) ghosted me! I drove her crazy and when she tried to ghost me I was relentless in trying to find out why. She tried to tell me but for some reason it wouldn't get through to me til she just completely removed me from her life. After about 3 months of isolation from [the virus] it clicked and I felt terrible. Dropped her a huge apology and got help. She was so patient and understanding with me and I'm forever grateful for that."
When It Takes Too Much Work
"I found that the friendship was draining all of my energy. Every conversation was negative, she had a victim mentality and a lot of issues that she created herself and refused to address. It became a chore to even talk to her. I know it sounds awful but it's the truth."
More Than Friends
"She weirded me out one too many times trying to be more than friends, and she drank a LOT."
"I moved out of town and didn't tell her. She went so far as to try intimidating my mother to get my address, but Mom knew who she was and why I didn't tell her so she didn't budge."
"This was about 1990. A couple years ago she messaged me on Facebook trying to break the ice with a question about a band I really liked when I knew her. I deleted it and blocked her and it's been quiet since then."
For many of these Redditors, avoiding confrontation was a better alternative to getting into a verbal – maybe even physical – altercation.
Ghosting is typical in the world of dating where a person sends a message and receives nothing but the silent treatment, but it also seems to be a common occurrence among platonic friendships.
If the goal is to avoid hurting someone's feelings, is ignoring the individual and not dignifying their concerns with some sort of acknowledgement an appropriate response?
Hello? Why are you not responding?
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Love is crazy. I've finally come to that conclusion. And marriage, you take your life in your hands and just throw caution to the wind in hopes of survival with that step.
When love falls apart, things can get real messy, real fast. And I've always been stunned by people's behavior when love subsides.
More often than not, it's like they become different people. Sometimes people are beset by tragedy and grief and sometimes people smile wide and move on. It's a coin toss.
But my favorite post divorce personality has to be the sudden super villain. Oh honey watch out for them!
Redditor u/hyperyog wanted to hear all the tea from the divorcees out there by asking:
Divorced Redditors, what is the craziest thing you or your former spouse did after divorce?
I once had a friend who burned her ex's house down when he wasn't home. He had started seeing someone almost immediately, so she thought, lemme set their sparks. Yeah, she wasn't well. Whatever happened to just a quick goodbye?
Swipeddean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy
"She removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. First storm after I got my car back from her, driver side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times."
"He wrote suicide notes and put them in my kids backpacks for them/me to find. Then he turned off his phone and went to a coworkers house to play crib and have drinks.. all the while knowing I would be freaking out searching for him thinking he was in danger or worse. Thankfully my kids didn't see the notes and didn't know what was going on. This was just one of the many, many crazy things he did. Two years out and he just recently stopped showing up at my work and driving by my house at night."
A Sad End
"Died of a drug overdose. To be fair, her drug addiction was the reason for the divorce, so maybe that isn't too crazy."
"That's so incredibly difficult to have gone through. I unfortunately know the depths of this kind of pain, and while I'm sure the circumstances surrounding it are different, the loss that still happened is a tragedy. My condolences."
"Stalked me for 5 years. Would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me (which I would block endlessly) and would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. This lady cheated on me with 7 different men 2 months after we were married. I kicked her a** to the curb and made her sign the court papers."
"When we had our day in court she cried in the judges office while I just wanted to get this crap done. After, my dad was with me and he threw 50 dollars at her and told her to "change your freaking last name." Good guy Pops. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 5 years, thank goodness."
Take it All!skin care spinning GIF by Primal Life OrganicsGiphy
"I had an ex-boyfriend go through my apartment and take back every gift he had given me that he could find. Then he went in my bedside table and took the condoms. And the vibrator he had given me."
See now, when I'm out... I'm out! I don't want to see you, hear from you or know you. I wish you well in life, but please live it far from me. Anyone agree? Clearly not the people here. Let's continue...
For the Boybicycling father and son GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"All I wanted was custody of my son, I gave her everything else except one of our cars. She fought me through 5 hearings, I won. She never came to see him again."
"My ex cheated on me the week my mom died in the hospital. She spent a year and a half trying to get in touch with me. She would call my old work and make fake accounts trying to message me on FB. It was insane. She later sends a certified letter explaining she was sorry that she did what she did and that she aborted our child."
"Wanted me to meet her somewhere so she could apologize face to face. She already married some other guy that she had children with and was still trying to get in touch with me. I never understood her."
"After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life's dream was to be a stay at home mom, she got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her, she always wanted something (car, house, dog, cat, marriage, etc) and the second she got it she immediately hated it."
"Called me and pretended he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his "body." God-awful acting, but pretty funny listening to him try to mimic a woman's voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess."
"I think he was trying to get me to re-live my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually HAD been hit by a car while we were talking. Too bad he didn't realize that hearing the real thing is worlds different than hearing a dumba** try to act it out."
"I was sending 600 dollars a month to support my daughter because she's the only thing I give a sh!t about. My ex texts me and tells me I need to be sending 1200 a month because she's broke and can't pay her bills and I should feel guilty about it. She left me for another guy while I was on deployment I told her to go screw herself--call my lawyer."
Pop OffTom Hanks Drinking GIF by The Good FilmsGiphy
"Took the sodas from the fridge as he walked out the door. Dumfounded."
See, I blame Alanis Morissette and her "Jagged Little Pill" album. All I'm going to say is... the secret song. I think she gave people ideas. (I love that song) Y'all, seek therapy if you can't shake people. When it's done, let it be done.
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Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is highly regarded for his delicious plates, his ability to run a solid restaurant, and, let's face it, his stage presence.
He's also a foul-mouthed Brit who is all too willing to dismantle people's self-esteems and compare them to livestock animals.
Alas, as watching all reality television goes, we love to see the crashing and burning.
But what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were the one being torn into by the sailor of all chefs, Mr. Gordon Ramsay.
Wondering what horrible dishes were lurking in unknown kitchens all over the place, Redditor FalloutSl*t413 asked:
"What's something you made that was 100% delicious but Gordon Ramsay would slap you for anyway?"
Some people talked about those purely functional meals that are just perfect for piling on enough protein and calories to get through the day.
"My mom used to make us 'Volcanoes.' Mashed potatoes topped with ground beef with some ketchup. I still tear it up to this day."
Quick and Easy
"I make weeknight 'enchiladas.' "
"You stick frozen taquitos in a casserole dish and cover them with canned or frozen chili and cheese. Bake them until everything's hot, serve with a dollop of sour cream. They sound disgusting but they taste amazing, and they take like, five minutes to prep."
"I know it looks like, smells like, and probably tastes like cat food but potted meat sandwiches. Look, when you're poor as hell and you can make 3 sandwiches with one little can that cost like 20 cents, it's pretty good."
"While I'm at it, Treet and bologna are pretty great. I have the taste palette of a raccoon and I like it that way."
"When I was younger I would make this thing where it was a patty melded of:"
- "a can of tuna"
- "two eggs
"And I would eat that almost daily, pan-fried, for lunch. Just slap me now and lets get it over with."
Others shared the recipes they make to feel fancy despite being totally trashy.
A Nuanced Process
"I call them 'chicken puffs.' Some par-cooked chicken (white or dark meat, either works) with sauteed serrano peppers and onions and garlic."
"All wrapped in crescent roll dough in little balls (a bit smaller than a baseball), put in a casserole tray filled juuuuust above the top of the little dough balls with cream of roasted chicken soup. Baked to completion/safety."
"Overly indulgent and delicious."
A Famous Side
"I consistently make a box of pastaroni angel hair and herbs as a side with meals I prepare for people. EVERYONE always asks for the recipe LOL please don't tell my secret"
Just a Couple Additions
" 'Fancy Ramen' Ramen made normal. Don't mix seasoning. Drain water. Add Mayo. Then mix in seasoning. And Volia. A lot of people question it. Until they try it."
Others outlined the things they eat that combine some ingredients it may seem disgusting to mix together.
Throw An Egg On There
"Fu** it lasagna, alternating layers of bread and shredded cheese (your choice which, I use cheddar) then crack an egg on top and put it in the microwave. Old depression meal, but it still holds up."
Hard to Wrap Your Head Around
"As a kid I would eat a banana with a cheese slice. Haven't tried it in years but it might hold up" -- Send_it_to_me
"Let's not" -- Sea-Entertainer-4974
"When I was younger I would make toast with peanut butter on it, then add pepperoni. Delicious then but I cringe thinking about trying it today"
The truly horrifying thing? There are so many more recipes out there that would leave Ramsay trembling.
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People love to talk about food. There are blogs, books, television shows, conversations in bars and farmers markets. In all likelihood, there is a recipe swap happening right this second in some deep corner of a suburb somewhere.
But sometimes talk is a lot of hot air. And the topic of food sure isn't immune to that criticism.
You can't get through a day without some telling you what "you gotta try."
The problem is, talking about food is often far more exciting than the food itself.
Redditor anicaodha asked:
"What food is overhyped?"
Many people were angry about garnishes. They hated the way restaurants try to entice people to eat certain menu items by slapping some kitschy ingredient on there.
A Very Expensive Burger
"Anything with gold flakes, absolutely pointless." -- Spend_Total
"ugh, i just remembered throwing up gold flakes from goldschlager, yuck!" -- spaceygracie12
"Aka how to add a crunch to your dish like a douche." -- CakeBot_TheReckoning
Catches the Eye Though
"Any rainbow food, rainbow grilled cheese, rainbow smoothie..."
"Just a cheap money grab."
No Breath On My Meal Please
"Dragon's breath/ nitro puffs or any dessert that contains liquid nitrogen to make it look cool." -- throwjango
"This stuff exists? God, I'm out of the loop." -- -The-Magic-8-Ball
"Truffle oil, usually doesn't contain a single truffle." -- BlckontheMoon
"The 1 thing I love about Truffle oil is I've never seen someone use it on a cooking competition show and not lose." -- igotmadshirts
Some people talked about the big trends that they just never could quite figure out.
That Almighty Nectar
"Remember when people were treating Nutella like it was the second coming of Christ?" -- Grapezard
"I had an Italian friend once invite me to his birthday party in high school. His mom made a Nutella pie and it was one of the greatest desserts I've never had the pleasure of trying again. It was so simple, like a soft flaky dough covered with Nutella."
"I don't want to come out of the blue and ask this kid for his mom's recipe 15 years later so I'll just suffer I suppose." -- JupiterTarts
"Red velvet is literally a red chocolate cake that has nowhere near enough chocolate and to much red food coloring. It literally was invented when done dudes chocolate turned kinda red when he added vinegar to the chocolate cake mix."
"Friends loved the color, but it was finicky to get the red color without changing flavor of cake, so he decided to use red food coloring."
"Fu**ing Avocado Toast.
"Avocado is a buck. Toast is few cents. Avocado Toast is $10+"
And some discussed the things that people insist are fancy and delectable, but are really just run of the mill entirely.
Meat is Meat?
"steak is good, and I'd even say a high quality steak can be very very good. But people act like it's better than busting a nut and that's just not true. It's just meat"
"Lobster. It's good, but poor value given it's almost always the most expensive protein available."
"Plus most places just drown it in butter, which again, fine, but if all you taste is butter, why spend that much?"
Depends on the House
" 'Housemade' ketchup. Give me the damn Heinz and get your banana aoili mess away from me." -- peanutbutterallytime
"I live in Pittsburgh and I have seen multiple restaurants try and fail to make housemade ketchup work. Every single time they go back to Heinz." -- HooBoy401
So if you find yourself tired of hearing people go on and on about something you don't go wild over, know that there are others fuming too.
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It's not easy to always do the right thing.
Which is why most people don't usually do the right thing. Doing the right thing involves a lot of thought, empathy for others, and a self-awareness of your place in the world. You're not making a choice just for yourself, you're more often than not doing it for someone else. This, in itself, presents a difficult hill for most people to climb so, usually, they feel it's easier to make the selfish choice.
Doesn't mean people always do. They can surprise you sometimes.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
What's the hardest moral decision you've ever had to make?
Even when the choice amounts to something small, it can still matter to someone else.
How Dare You Make Me Morally Astute?!
"This is small potatoes compared to most of the people on this thread but many years ago I was travelling and had very little money. I went to a stall at a market, handed them a 10 dollar bill. Item cost 5 dollars but instead of handing me a five dollar note, the handed me a 50."
"I was walking away from the stall when noticed. My first thought was BONUS. But I had lately been hanging out with a bunch of people who were really into karma. So I stormed back to the stall, slammed the 50 down on the counter and told them off for making me make moral decisions. Lady behind the counter was like "ahhhhhh, thanks"
Didn't Believe The First Time, But Can't Deny Visual Evidence
"I told a co-worker his wife was cheating on him. It ruined our friendship for a good amount of time, until he caught her himself."
"To bad he couldn't just believe you."
Owning Up To The Mistake
"Fessing up to an error I made at work that cost the company 5k. I was a manager and misinterpreted a sales promotion. I almost lost my job, this is the one time that telling the truth actually saved me. It's true what they say that the cover up is usually worse than the crime. Lesson learned.."
Doing something morally correct when it comes to family can be tricky. On one hand, you don't want to ruffle the feathers of the people you're going to be related to for the rest of your life...which is how family works.
On the other hand, do the right thing.
Making The Best Call For Your Children
"Removing the mother of my two sons out of their lives completely as she was unfit and abusive while I was on deployment. They were 3-4 years old then and now they are 17 and 15 with their mother never attempting to come back into their lives which I would prefer at this point."
Because They're Going To Be Sad Later...
"My grandmother died, and I lied to my parents about it."
"My grandparents were 95 and my parents hadn't had a vacation in 30 years. So when she passed away with only 5 days remaining on their vacation, my family decided not to ruin it for them; instead, we'd plan the entire funeral and if my mother wanted to make adjustments when she returned, we'd arrange it for her; there was nothing they could do to get her back."
"Having to decide on the DNR (do not resuscitate) order for my father who had been victim to a massive stroke..."
"I know millions have done it before and millions will again but to me it was devastating....."
"As a health worker, you did the right thing by your father. I've come across families of patients who keep them alive for their own peace of mind while the patient themselves is tired and in alot of pain mentally and physically from the constant treatments and would rather rest from it all. Don't feel bad for your decision."
Never doubt your actions when it comes to protecting children.
"Calling CPS on a student's family after she begged me not to. CPS did an investigation and she was pissed at me for months until the vice principal had a talk with her and explained that I only did it because I care and didn't want her to get hurt."
"That VP is awesome. I sat in his office while he coached me through the call, since it was my first time calling CPS."
Standing Up For Your Friend, Even When No One Else Will
"I was in high school and my best friend was being bullied on the bus. She brought a knife to school and had previously mentioned a list of people. I cried a lot when I went to the principal to turn her in. I knew I was ruining her life but I wanted her to get help. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because we were all just kids. She was expelled and forced into therapy. We had been friends since we were 11."
"My mom listened on the phone line when I was trying to comfort my friend (while absolutely not admitting it was me) and my mom jumped on and told her I'm not allowed to be her friend anymore. I had told my mom I had turned her in and she had no empathy for this girl. Because I had been bullied and stood up for myself and never "did anything like that". My friend was getting cornered on the bus by 4 people whereas I was normally taunted in public and was lucky enough to always have an upperclassmen or school employee around to help me out. I felt guilty about turning her life upside down for many years but would do it again because she did get help."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/