History remembers Marcus Aurelius as one of the Roman Empire's "good" emperors—but this is Rome we're talking about. Even the good guys did some pretty twisted stuff. From his scandalous marriage to his tainted legacy, this so-called "Philosopher King" had some serious skeletons in his closet. So who really was the last good emperor? Dive in and find out.
1. He Was A Rich Boy
Marcus Aurelius was born into one of Rome's richest families, but that doesn't mean he had a charmed childhood. He lost his father when he was just three years old, never getting to know the man who gave him life. In a touching tribute, he'd later say he learned "modesty and manliness" by studying his deceased dad's life.
So he lost his dad, but at least he had his mom to raise him, right? Well, not exactly...
2. His Mom Wasn't In The Picture
Turns out, Roman ladies weren't exactly the "motherly" type. Marcus Aurelius's mother Lucilla basically never saw her boy, and instead he spent his lonely childhood in the care of nursemaids. But, as the boy got older, the testosterone-fueled Romans believed he needed a man in his life, so a new father-figure hit the scene.
3. He Had An Evil Stepgrandmother
Aurelius's caretakers sent him to live with his grandfather, Marcus Annius Verus. After his isolated days with the nursemaids, Aurelius instantly took to his ol' granpappy. He spoke highly of his grandfather for the rest of his life—but there was one part of this new life he absolutely hated. When Marcus's grandma passed, his grandpa took a mistress, and he utterly despised her.
Though generally a pretty polite dude, something about this woman rubbed Aurelius the wrong way, and he couldn't get out of the house fast enough after she moved in.
4. He Was...Odd
Marcus Aurelius was a homeschool kid, and let's just say it made him a little...weird. Thanks to his, ahem, "eccentric" teachers, Aurelius started wearing rough, worn-out clothing and sleeping on the floor. Imagine if Prince Harry started walking around in a burlap sack and camping out on the grounds at Buckingham Palace. Yeah, it was weird.
Eventually, Aurelius's mother had to beg him to start sleeping in a bed again. It was bad enough that her son was so eccentric—but all of a sudden, he became really important really fast.
5. He Wasn't Supposed To Be Emperor
File:Head of the statue of emperor Hadrian.jpg - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.org
See, the thing about Marcus Aurelius is, he was never supposed to be emperor. Sure, he was rich and came from a powerful family, but there were lots of rich and powerful young men who were a lot closer to the emperor at the time, Hadrian. But, in 136, something happened that changed everything: Hadrian had a sudden hemorrhage and barely survived.
Suddenly, the most powerful man on earth felt mighty fragile. He started looking for a successor—and there was talk buzzing about this weird kid who slept on the floor and loved philosophy.
6. Hadrian Made A Weird Choice
Soon after Hadrian recovered from his attack, he did something no one expected: He announced that his successor was going to be a dude named Lucius Ceionius Commodus. People were...absolutely horrified. See, our friend Lucius wasn't exactly emperor material. He was old, sickly, and frail. This guy could barely stand under his own power, let alone run the Roman Empire.
So why on earth did Emperor Hadrian make the Crypt Keeper his heir? Well, it all has to do with our boy Marcus Aurelius.
7. Hadrian Loved Him
If anyone thought Marcus Aurelius was a weirdo, Hadrian wasn't one of them. The ailing emperor thought he was just the man for the job, but Marcus was still too young to become emperor. But, here's the important part: Marcus Aurelius was engaged to marry old Commodus's daughter. So, Hadrian figured he'd make Commodus his heir, then Commodus would croak pretty quickly, leaving Marcus Aurelius the emperor.
I know what you're thinking: That plan's more convoluted than an 80s action movie, no way it's going to work. Well, guess what? It didn't.
8. His Father-In-Law Croaked
In 138 AD, the most obvious thing in the world happened: Lucius Ceionius Commodus fell ill and passed. That's right: Hadrian was already on death's door, and his heir still didn't manage to outlive him. Pretty sure he got plenty of "I-told-you-sos" after that one. Instead, he made a guy named Antoninus Pius his heir. Since a gentle breeze wasn't about to knock Antoninus over, I'd say he was an upgrade.
So, what about our boy Marcus Aurelius? Don't you worry, thanks he was very much still in the picture.
9. He Swapped Fiancees
Hadrian really wanted Marcus Aurelius to become emperor one day, but it took some really messy dealing to get it done. Basically, after his first heir kicked the bucket, Hadrian made Antoninus Pius his heir, then had him adopt Marcus Aurelius as his son. Then, to really seal the deal, he made Marcus dump his fiance and marry Antoninus Pius's daughter.
Did I just say that Marcus Aurelius married his new sister? Yes, I did. Turns out, Romans loved marrying their sisters.
10. He Went From Nobody To Heir
File:Antoninus Pius Palatino Inv1219.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
Now that Marcus Aurelius was officially in line to become emperor, Hadrian decided he was pretty much done with this whole "living" thing. He tried to take his own life several times, but people kept stopping him, so Hadrian decided to do it the old-fashioned way: He went to a ritzy seaside resort and started eating and drinking anything and everything he ever wanted.
Yeah, he didn't last long. Hadrian passed, Antoninus Pius became emperor, and suddenly our friend Marcus Aurelius was one of the most important people in the Empire—and that brought a whole host of new problems.
11. He Had So Many Kids
In 145, Marcus Aurelius married his sister-but-not-really, Faustina the Younger. This wouldn't end up being the greatest relationship, as you'll soon see, but at least this couple did one thing really well: Made babies. Faustina gave birth to their first child, a girl named Domitia, soon after their marriage. Domitia would be the first of a whopping 13 children.
But aside from that, I think it's fair to say their relationship was a total mess.
12. His Wife Had An Appetite
Marcus Aurelius was famously stern and reserved—Faustina? Not so much. Already a bit of a wild child, one vice possessed her more than the rest: Lust. I guess her Philosopher King wasn't exactly the most exciting partner, because she allegedly liked to sleep around. A lot. And this was the Roman Empire we're talking about, so she had no shortage of man meat.
This is why Faustina enjoyed one particular Roman tradition a little too much...
13. She Liked Tough Guys
The Roman Empire was one of the most militaristic societies in history, so it should come as no surprise that they held their own version of Fleet Week. Rome's finest legionaries, navymen, and gladiators would parade through the streets in their finest gear—and no one enjoyed the display more than Aurelius's wife Faustina. She would use the occasion to scout out new lovers.
But let's not be too quick to cast aspersions on poor Faustina—she faced more pain than most of us will see in our lifetimes.
14. They Suffered Heartbreak
Marcus Aurelius and Faustina's first daughter Domitia was a sickly child from the very beginning, and she barely clung to life for her first years. Almost immediately after she was born, Faustina became pregnant again, this time giving birth to twin boys. The couple rejoiced, but these were even more sickly than their first. The twins didn't survive long—and while grieving them, Domitia just got worse and worse.
15. He Lived His Worst Nightmare
File:Roman Empress Faustina the Younger, 161-170 CE. Marble ...commons.wikimedia.org
Marcus Aurelius should have been spending his days preparing to rule an empire, but he spent most of his time looking after his frail daughter. Sadly, his doting couldn't save her—she passed at just three years old. The loss devastated the couple once again—and according to Aurelius's writings, this was a moment that changed him forever.
16. He Grew Hard
After losing Domitia, Aurelius wrote this: "One man prays: 'How I may not lose my little child', but you must pray: 'How I may not be afraid to lose him.'" Rather than buckle under the pain of losing his children, Aurelius steeled himself into the hard man he'd become. He would end up needing every bit of strength he possessed—because the hard times were only beginning.
17. His Kids Had A Bad Track Record
Though Marcus Aurelius fathered 13 children, only one son and four daughters outlived him. Not a great track record. And the one son who did outlive him wasn't exactly the kind of boy who would make a father proud...
18. His Son Was A Demon
In 161, Faustina gave birth to a healthy son. They named him Lucius Aelius Aurelius Commodus, but you probably only know him by the last part: Commodus, the only one of Marcus Aurelius's sons to live to adulthood. Unfortunately, Commodus didn't have much of his father in him...He'd go on to be one of the most bloodthirsty, arrogant, and hated emperors in Rome's history.
But that's jumping ahead—we haven't even gotten to Marcus Aurelius's ascension yet.
19. He Made It
It's a good thing Marcus Aurelius was a patient guy (his wife can attest to that), because he had to wait a long time before becoming emperor. Antoninus Pius reigned for 22 long years before he finally kicked the bucket. As soon as that happened, Marcus Aurelius finally became emperor—but there was a bit of a wrinkle. In a strange turn of events, Aurelius wasn't the only emperor.
20. He Didn't Rule Alone
Colossal head of Lucius Verus (mounted on a modern bust), … | Flickrwww.flickr.com
Marcus Aurelius didn't rule Rome alone at first. He had a co-emperor: Lucius Verus. Now, if you think that Roman emperors don't tend to be the "sharing" type, you'd be right. Though both of them were emperors, Marcus Aurelius technically had a little bit more power than Lucius Verus. He also happened to be smarter, calmer, and all-around less nuts than Verus.
And they both got along perfectly and nothing dramatic happened, right? Yeah, about that...
21. They Couldn't Have Been More Different
Poor Lucius Verus, the guy never stood a chance. See, Marcus Aurelius, for his all his faults and saucy personal life, was a pretty darn good emperor. That's why Roman historians called him the last of the Five Good Emperors. He kept Rome stable, managed to expand its borders, and didn't make half the empire despise him. If you're a Roman emperor, that's about as good as it gets.
On the other hand, history has almost entirely forgotten Lucius Verus. He was a total screw-up and he just couldn't manage to get himself out of Aurelius's shadow—but hey, at least he got a (super gross) consolation prize...
22. He Married His Brother To His Daughter
One thing is for sure: Unless your name is Commodus, you definitely did not want to be Marcus Aurelius's kid. First of all, you'd be lucky to see your first birthday. But then, even if you did, you'd probably end up married to some old dude before you were even a teenager. That was his daughter Annia Lucilla's fate. Aurelius betrothed her to his fully-adult co-emperor Lucius Verus when she was just 11 years old.
And if that's not gross enough, it gets worse. Aurelius and Verus were technically brothers, so that meant that Annia Lucilla wasn't just marrying a man decades older than her, but that man happened to be her uncle. Yick.
23. His Happy Times Didn't Last Long
Aside from marrying his daughter to his brother and his wife's taste for sailors and gladiators, the start of Marcus Aurelius's reign actually went pretty smoothly. In fact, he would call his first years as emperor the "happy times." Sounds nice right? Well, not really. See, if you call an early period the happy times, that can only mean one thing: There were some dark times ahead—and were there ever.
Marcus Aurelius's reign was about to devolve into chaos, and to make matters worse, his wife was at the center of it.
24. His Wife Had A Darker Side
According to Roman historians, Faustina the Younger played the game of thrones with the best of them: By that we mean, she never hesitated to poison or just flat-out execute anyone who got in her way. This was a serious contrast to her husband's more pragmatic approach to ruling, but hey, to each their own. And it's not like ol' Marcus Aurelius couldn't use the help. His predecessor had made sure of that...
25. His Predecessor Had Beefs
Take It Personally Michael Jordan GIFGiphyAs he lay on his deathbed, Emperor Antoninus Pius laid down the equivalent of an Ancient Roman diss track. He spent his final moments calling out all the foreign kings and political adversaries who had wronged him like Michael Jordan at the Hall of Fame. No, Antoninus Pius wasn't exactly the most diplomatic guy—and that meant he left quite the mess for Marcus Aurelius to clean up.
Eventually, those old enemies came back to haunt him, and Aurelius learned there's a difference between learning how to run an empire and actually doing it.
26. He Faced Rebellion
One of the enemies Antoninus Pius name-checked in his final moments was the King of Parthia—with good reason. Not long into Marcus Aurelius's reign, said king revolted. To make matters worse, the Roman governor in the region, a guy named Severianus, was a bit of an idiot. Convinced he could take on the Parthians himself, Severianus charged straight at them...and got his entire legion massacred then took his own life.
The situation in Parthia was getting completely out of hand, but Marcus Aurelius came up with a devious plan—a plan that could kill two birds with one stone.
27. His Partner Was A Disaster
Parthia was in revolt, but Marcus Aurelius had another problem: He co-emperor Lucius Verus. While Aurelius was all about running an empire, Verus was all about spending money, partying, and sleeping around, and it was starting to get embarrassing. So, Marcus Aurelius decided there was nothing like a little campaigning to straighten a man out. He sent Verus to Parthia to deal with the upstart king, hoping the conflict would teach him how to be a better emperor.
If you think that's what happened, you're greatly overestimating the incorrigible Lucius Verus.
28. His Plan Failed Miserably
Marcus Aurelius hoped Verus would lead his Roman legions to victory over the treacherous Parthian king. Verus said, "Nah." He spent the entire time partying and gambling with a bunch of bohemian actors while other men handled the conflict. Rather than make Verus finally smarten up, if anything, it made him even worse.
That didn't stop him from taking all the credit when Rome captured the Parthian king's main stronghold, though. But that's not nearly the worst thing he did during his little vacay in Parthia...
29. His Cousin Paid The Price
Anyone who knew Lucius Verus knew not to trust him very far, and that included Marcus Aurelius. He sent his cousin Libo along with Verus to keep an eye on the debaucherous emperor. However, Libo mysteriously turned up dead very early on in the campaign—and few people thought it was an accident. Historians have long speculated that Verus personally had Libo taken out of the picture so he'd be free to party as he pleased.
30. He Was Almost Too Nice
File:Cicero Denounces Catiline in the Roman Senate by Cesare ...en.m.wikipedia.org
It's hard to imagine two emperors more different than Marcus Aurelius and Lucius Verus. Verus went about doing whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted—which almost always meant drinking and gambling and almost never meant running an empire. Meanwhile, Marcus Aurelius always asked the Senate for permission whenever he wanted to spend money on a new project even though, as emperor, he could do whatever the heck he wanted.
But let's not go thinking that Marcus Aurelius was some saint. He was good...as far as Roman emperors go. As you're about to see, that was a pretty low bar to clear.
31. He Had A Dark Side Too
The early days of the Roman Empire weren't exactly the best time to be a Christian. Roman emperors brutally oppressed members of the fledgling religion—and somehow Marcus Aurelius managed to top them all. Under this "good emperor," not only did the Roman Empire persecute more Christians than ever, but the punishments they doled out got even harsher.
Apparently, Marcus Aurelius hadn't read the bible: If you mess with Christians, you get a plague—and one of the worst the world had ever seen was coming.
32. He Faced A New Danger
The world was changing fast while Marcus Aurelius was emperor. Trade networks spread further than ever before, and the Romans actually made contact with China for the first time ever. This meant goods and information spread across the globe—but that's not the only thing that spread. Around 165, Marcus Aurelius would face his greatest enemy yet. It came back with the soldiers from the East, and it claimed more lives than any battle ever could.
The Antonine Plague had arrived.
33. His Empire Suffered
As if Lucius Verus's campaign in the East couldn't have gone any worse, when he came back to Rome, he brought the plague with him. Believed to be smallpox or maybe measles, whatever it was, it hit Rome like a ton of bricks. People started dying by the thousands every single day. In a matter of months, Marcus Aurelius's hold on his empire started slipping—but at least there he found a silver lining to this catastrophe.
34. He Found The Bright Side
The Antonine Plague was one of the most horrifying events in human history. By the time it had ended, it had claimed the lives of up to 10 million people. However, it did solve at least one of Marcus Aurelius's problems: In 169, Aurelius's hapless co-emperor fell suddenly ill and passed at just 38 years old. Reports at the time said it was food poisoning, but many historians have speculated it was the plague.
Perhaps Roman officials didn't want people thinking a grand, divine emperor had died the same way as the common people. Either way, that was one less headache for Marcus Aurelius—but the worst scandal of his reign was soon to follow.
35. His Problems Piled Up
person walking near The Great SphinxPhoto by Spencer Davis on UnsplashThey didn't have email in the Roman Empire, so that meant news traveled really slowly. And when news did arrive, who can say if it was even true. That's what happened when a general, Avidius Cassius, received earth-shattering news in Egypt: Marcus Aurelius was no more. He wasted no time in proclaiming himself emperor, completely unaware that Marcus Aurelius was very much alive.
The whole thing started with a simple misunderstanding, but it would end in bloodshed.
36. The Pretender Screwed Up
The smart thing for Cassius to do would have been to renounce his claim to the throne once he realized Marcus Aurelius lived, but no one who wants to rule the Roman Empire would give up power that easily. By the time he heard the truth, he already had two legions behind him and he decided he kinda liked this whole empire thing. That was the biggest mistake he ever made.
37. He Got A Head In The Mail
Cassius got to enjoy being a fake emperor for exactly three months and six days. After he realized the news of Marcus Aurelius's passing was greatly exaggerated, he kept up the charade, but the writing was on the wall. Soon enough, one of his own centurians stabbed him in the back—literally. They then cut off his head and sent it straight to Marcus Aurelius to prove their loyalty.
The head absolutely horrified Aurelius, and he refused to even look at it. Granted a head would horrify most people, but the Romans tended to be into that kind of thing. Maybe he dreaded it so much because he knew who was behind this betrayal...
38. His Worst Betrayal
According to the histories, none other than Faustina herself, Marcus Aurelius's own wife, put Cassius up to the whole thing. She knew that her husband was growing old and frail, so she wanted to set up a puppet emperor to keep the throne warm until her son Commodus came of age. As if it wasn't enough to sleep around on her husband, but now she stabbed him in the back too...
39. His Wife's End Was Mysterious
If indeed it was Faustina behind the false emperor, she didn't last long enough to try something like that again. She passed in 175 under mysterious circumstances; no historian is exactly sure what happened to her. So, not only did Marcus Aurelius outlive the majority of his children, but he also outlived his much-younger wife, too.
I guess he was too busy to die. After all, he was plenty busy finishing his greatest accomplishment—the thing that would make him a legend.
40. The World Read His Diary
Fragment of a bronze portrait of Marcus Aurelius, probably… | Flickrwww.flickr.com
Marcus Aurelius's book Meditations is maybe his greatest accomplishment. Written over the course of 20 years, it's his reflection on life, politics, and philosophy. This landmark work has been studied by countless scholars over the centuries—which makes this next part a little awkward: Aurelius didn't want anyone reading it! He called the work, "To Himself" because it was basically his secret diary, intended for his eyes only.
Apparently, no one cares about an emperor's privacy after he's gone...
41. He Faded Away
Some Roman emperors died at the hands of their own soldiers. Some took their own lives, or partied so hard their hearts gave up. Marcus Aurelius was not one of those. This simple, reserved man met a simple, reserved end. He passed from unknown causes in 180 AD. He was nearly 60 and had been ill for years, and the man had surprisingly few enemies for a Roman emperor, so few historians think there was foul play involved.
The foul play would come later, because with Marcus Aurelius gone, Rome was about to enter a dark time.
42. He Was The Last Good One
When you picture the Roman Empire, you probably picture the 200 years of the Pax Romana, between the reigns of Augustus and Marcus Aurelius. Those were the golden years. Next came our boy's son Commodus, a spoiled and violent dictator whose rule threw Rome into utter chaos. From there, it was basically one long descent to the fall of Rome a couple centuries later. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.
43. His Nepotism Doomed Rome
So where the heck did everything go wrong? Here's one clue: Commodus marked the first time ever that a biological son succeeded his father as Emperor of Rome. Why's that so bad? Well, recent emperors had tended to choose heirs who they thought would make good emperors. Commodus was a brat whose mother spoiled him rotten and believed he deserved the throne with no effort. See the problem?
And the saddest part is, Marcus Aurelius saw all of this coming, yet was powerless to stop it.
44. He Didn't Believe In His Son
Marcus Aurelius knew his kid was a screw-up. He feared that Commodus would be a poor emperor, more interested in his own hedonistic pleasures than in actually ruling an empire. Well, this is one time Marcus Aurelius was actually wrong. Commodus wasn't just a poor emperor—he was one of the worst emperors ever.
45. Commodus Was Worse Than Anyone Imagined
commodus as hercules | The vainglorious megalomaniac emperor… | Flickrwww.flickr.com
Anyone who says, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" has never heard of Commodus. While his father was intelligent, reserved, and thoughtful, Commodus was arrogant, brash, and cruel. Convinced Hercules was his ancestor, Commodus loved nothing more than doing demigod cosplay and entering the gladiator area to murder innocents and slaughter animals.
And that's not even close to the worst of it. He neglected his people, bankrupted the Empire, and eventually fell to an assassin. So much for "making daddy proud."
46. There Was One Truly Scandalous Story About Him
No matter how much Commodus stained Marcus Aurelius's legacy, everyone still considered the latter a pretty remarkable man. But even remarkable men have skeletons in their closets, and there was one chilling rumor that dogged Marcus Aurelius wherever he went. His wife's many affairs were an open secret throughout Rome—but one of her flings got a lot more disturbing than the rest.
47. His Wife Fell In Love
Faustina allegedly had many partners, but one of them was special. Multiple ancient sources claim that she actually fell in love with a nameless gladiator. Two things made this man different: Faustina actually cared for him, and Marcus Aurelius found out about him. And when the emperor did learn about his wife's affair, his response was absolutely twisted.
48. He Asked For Help
Marcus Aurelius was never one to rush into anything, so when he found out about his wife's new man, he asked some Chaldean soothsayers for advice. And boy oh boy, did they give it. The soothsayers had the perfect way for Marcus Aurelius to reclaim his manhood. First, they said Faustina must sleep with the gladiator one last time. I'm sure Aurelius wasn't too excited about that part—but it's what came next that was the truly messed up part.
49. He Did Some Weird Stuff In The Bedroom
The soothsayers had Faustina sleep with her gladiator—then had Aurelius stab the man while they were doing it. Pretty dark, right? We're just getting started. Then, he made Faustina bathe in the man's blood, and once she was good and lathered up, Aurelius slept with her over the man's still-warm body! If you think Roman histories are boring, you're not reading closely enough, because this stuff is straight out of 50 Shades of Grey fan-fic.
50. Did He Like It?
File:Marcus Aurelius auf dem Pferd.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
After that bananas bit of foreplay, one question remains: Why the heck did Marcus Aurelius put up with his wife's constant affairs? He was, after all, the emperor of the freaking Roman empire, and he could have left her if he wanted. Well, evidently, he believed that as the last emperor's daughter, "her dowry was the empire." Basically, he thought if he left her, he'd have no claim to the throne anymore.
I don't know if I really buy that—maybe he was just into it?
Not a day goes by when we won't have to make a decision of some kind.
On rare occasions, we might even have to make an extremely serious decision which we know will have major consequences down the line.
These might include accepting a job that would require you to move cities, whether or not staying in your relationship is good for you, or almost literally life or death decisions about your own health.
Most of the time however, the decisions we are forced to make day in and day out are fairly minor, such as whether to walk or take the subway, or coffee or tea with your breakfast.
Whatever we choose, it won't end up having any major effect or ramifications on our lives.
Or will it?
Redditor his_Check_4267 was curious to hear if anyone ever made what seemed like a minor decision that ended up having a major effect on their life, leading them to ask:
"What's a small, seemingly insignificant decision you've made that ended up having a huge impact on your life?"
When The Wrong Train Ended Up Being The Right One...
"Took the wrong train in a new city to a job a minimum wage job that I didn't want but needed at the time."
"Asked a random guy for directions when phone GPS still kind of sucked."
"He happened to be going in the same general direction."
"We rode a train together and nerded out on films we were into."
"He was an aspiring filmaker (very beginnings of aspirations), and I was just a film nerd without any post high school education or thought of 'breaking into the industry'."
"We ended up becoming roommates and collaborators eventually."
"Sold our first film to IFC like 2 years ago."- SrgtSquarePants
Right Place, Right Time
"Worked in a kindergarten during my gap years between high school and university."
"I didn't even plan to go at the time."
"A kid with speech and social issues happened to take a special liking to me, resulting in me agreeing to work closely with his speech therapist, despite only being the teachers assistant."
"This reignited my interest in language and made me apply to be a linguistics major."
"My high school grades made it a long shot, but it turns out that very year they tested out a new system of accepting 50% of students based on motivational essays, to try to combat a high drop out rate in linguistics."
"I made it in on that, they ditched it the next year cause it didn't work."
"I now have masters in Language Psychology and start teaching at the same university this semester."
"If I had applied literally any other year, my chances would have been like lottery odds."- MonsieurRud
Graduation Graduate GIF by Reba McEntireGiphySecret Setup Maybe?...
"Me and 2 other coworkers decided to grab some dinner after our shift."
"One ended up cancelling, so I thought my other coworker would cancel too."
"We were both hungry, so we decided to still grab dinner together."
"We'd been coworkers for over a year and have always gotten along, but this dinner truly felt like a first date."
"It was so enjoyable and we talked so much that we didn't realize the restaurant had been closed and that the workers had been cleaning up around us."
"Servers were too nice to interrupt our conversation."
"Him and I ended up falling in love soon after that."
"Been together for over 6 happy years and wouldn't change a thing."- stereotypedhonesty
Cracked The Code
"I had a blog where I couldn’t figure out some HTML code, so I emailed the blog of another person who had figured it and they sent me the code."
"They lived about 1,000 miles from me and had never spoken before."
"Four years later we’re married, bought a house, and have a child together."- Manejar
art evolve GIF by ashleyrobertsGiphySome Bad Habits Pay Off...
"Was at a conference and stepped outside for a smoke."
"Bumped into a friend of mine who introduced me to the man he was walking with."
"That man encouraged me to apply for an opening in his office and, six months later, he hired me."
"It was the job that jumpstarted my career, changing my trajectory."
"And all because of a bad habit."- The_Dude311
Closer And Closer To The Action
"I took a job in an Emergency Room doing insurance paperwork."
"I thought 'Okay but what happens before they get to the hospital?"'"
"That exposure lead to a career as a 1st Responder."
"I never would have imagined I would be helping people in Emergencies been doing it every day for decades."- YerekYeeter·
There Is Always A Way Back...
"I went to prison for a robbery."
"I did it."
"I was a heroin addict."
"After almost 5 years in, at a work center, I got a write-up which would make me stay in for a few months longer."
"The warden offered a deal if I would paint a mural at a local high school of their mascot, they'd forgive the writeup."
"I had always been good at drawing (they knew that which is why they asked) but had never done a mural."
"I figured out how to scale it up in my head and did it."
" I got out about 6 months later and made it my career."
"I'm now married, happy, and fully booked until summer of next year for work, owning my own business."
"In September, I will have been out for 10 years."
"I also hid my initials in the high school mascot mural."- therealbiggravy
rainbow painting GIFGiphyHome Is Where The Heart Is
"I was flying to Costa Rica to go backpacking south from there, my sister told me to fly into Guatemala, I had to see it."
"So I did, and here I am still 10 years later, with a son and a life I never imagined."- Old_Insect
Some Things Are Worth The Risk
"I was doing online dating with no success and I was ready to give up."
"I almost canceled my date just out of pessimism but figured it was already scheduled, I’ll just go and if it doesn’t work out I’ll just take a break from dating."
"The date lasted about 8 hours and 15 years later we’re still together."- Rolling_Beardo
Hey, You Never Know...
"Entered the green card lottery."
"Friend was trying to figure out how to do it, so I downloaded the instructions and completed an application to show them how."
"Since it was easier than asking them for all their info, I made a dummy application using my own info."
"When I was done I thought 'meh, might as well' and dropped my application into the outgoing mail."
"Then forgot all about it."
"I was highly confused when, nearly a year later, I got a letter from the state dept."
"I’ve been in the US for 20 years now, married, kids, the whole thing."
"Biggest change I ever made, and it was just a random 15-minute thing I did to help a buddy."- dbpnz
Lottery Lotto GIFGiphyIt Pays To Share
"On a night out I went to Burger King and at the last second decided to get chicken nuggets with my burger instead of chips."
"I ate the burger but didn't feel like the nuggets by this point (and wished I'd gotten chips instead) so I asked the person opposite me on the bus if he wanted them."
"My exact words were 'ay lad do you want my chicken nuggets?'"
"He said yes and we got talking."
"That was 16 years ago and now we are married with a beautiful daughter."- gembob891
Even when it seems like it doesn't matter in the moment, it's always worth thinking carefully before making any decision.
As sometimes, taking the long route or ordering a second round could end up being the very decision that changes your life forever.
Most people think long and hard before deciding to tie the not. Well, these Redditors should have thought even longer. Years, months, days, or even hours later, they came to a horrific realization. They’d married the wrong person. Here are the moments they knew.
1. Hypothesis: They Won’t Make It
I got married and went on a honeymoon in China. We were both PhD students at the time. I was working class, while her family was middle class. Accordingly, her father gave her $10,000 for the honeymoon.
So we go to China to celebrate, but she wants to do some light pre-dissertation research while we are there for a month or two. Fine. It turned depressing fast. I spent the entire two months alone in tiny hostels while she did research.
I only spoke a few words of Mandarin and I was a broke graduate student, so I didn’t have the means to easily get to an airport to fly back home. I also had zero family support back home, even if I did manage to make it home. I felt trapped.
So I talked to her about how the trip felt like a research trip and not at all like a honeymoon, how I was alone almost every day. We were sharing a laptop while on the trip (I was too poor to own a laptop, despite being in grad school).
I open the laptop one morning before she leaves to go survey a field site without me. Her email is open. She left a message open on the laptop. The contents broke my heart. It’s to her father, stating that she wishes I wasn’t there on the trip—our honeymoon.
Again, I was told this would be a honeymoon with only maybe a slight detour for research. It turned out to be a research trip where I was a burden. She apologized. We stayed together for a few more years after she got sick and I became a caretaker.
I wish, in hindsight, I had left China after reading that email.
2. I Scream For Ice Cream
On the wedding day. She spent a fortune on unnecessary things, and I knew I’d be the one fitting the bill on the credit card she ran up. So I told her no more. She said she wanted an ice cream vendor there (we already had two dessert bars) and I told her it was not needed.
She fought me on it but finally agreed. The wedding day comes, I’m standing with my groomsmen, and in comes the ice cream truck. Knew right then, sadly.
3. Get Over It
woman lying on bedPhoto by Yuris Alhumaydy on UnsplashA woman I was dating told me she divorced her husband because after his father passed in his arms, so he was very depressed and she didn't want to be around depressed people.
Imagine your father passed and a few months later your wife leaves you because you have not recovered from that.
4. Life’s Not A Beach
It was actually almost immediately after getting married. Our relationship had taken a nosedive as soon as we moved in together. But after we got married, while we were in Greece on our honeymoon, it hit a terrible climax. He absolutely lost his mind on me in public.
I had wanted to go see a beach on the island that is supposed to be one of the most beautiful in the world, so we tried to catch the bus, but it never came. He screamed at me, telling me he hated traveling with me and how could I ruin his vacation like this.
Then we walked to the beach nearby and he went swimming with his two friends who he insisted come with us on the trip. I was too stunned and humiliated to do anything except sit on a beach chair and cry.
5. Run Away From This One
When she sat me down and, with a straight face, said, “I’ve thought about this and you’re not going to exercise anymore”. I was jogging a few miles a day and would usually bring the kids with me in a running stroller.
She said, “You’re a father and it’s too time consuming”. That’s when I realized I made a terrible mistake. Catching her with another man in my car didn’t help the case to stay married.
6. Dishing It Out
white ceramic coffee cup lotPhoto by Izz R on UnsplashWe were engaged but not quite married yet. I had been on mandatory bedrest and caring for our infant son, after having emergency surgery for nearly bleeding out during a miscarriage. He came home from work and looked me in the face and said, "Why aren't the dishes done?"
I called my mom the next morning and told her I was leaving. Hightailed it out of there twp weeks later.
7. Mommie Dearest
It was death of a thousand cuts. One of the first was when I realized she didn't trust me. We had been together around 10 years at this point. But I had a moment of clarity and literally said to her, "You don't trust me, do you?"
Before she could answer I said, "You don't trust anybody”. She agreed. She would routinely throw the kids out of the tub and the bathroom, with not even a towel on, because they splashed her while getting a bath.
And not just that, she would yell at the top of her lungs about how bad they were. The kids were around 2-4 at the time. God forbid the toddler splashes the water in the tub. Another time I don't even remember the cause, but I tried to play mediator.
As in "Ok daughter you did something wrong, let's apologize to mommy". And she would. Then I'd ask mommy to apologize to our daughter for her role. Her reply chilled my core. This adult woman, this mother, absolutely refused to apologize.
I’ve known this lady more than 20 years and I’ve never heard her apologize. Literally never. The final straw was when one of our kids wanted a hug goodnight before bedtime. She locked herself in our bedroom and refused the hug because she had hugged them earlier in the day.
The kids were crying. They didn't understand. I was devastated watching this unfold. Why doesn't mom want to hug me? I try my best to not let it impact me. But we share custody now and I have to watch how she interacts with our kids. It’s hard.
The best consolation is the kids are getting older and they're starting to figure it out.
8. For Better Or For Worse
On my wedding day. We were married at her parents’ house, a beautiful place on a private country club. The entire day was all about her, and she spent more time hanging out with her friend and drinking than hanging out with me.
I stayed busy visiting with all the guests during the day. After all the guests left and it was down to her parents and me, I find her passed out upstairs in a bedroom. I picked her up and carried her to our car to take her home.
Needless to say, our wedding night consisted of her sleeping it off. Five years later, she went into in-patient treatment and after she sobered up and was released, she told me that she didn't love me and wanted a divorce.
9. See You Later
pregnan womanPhoto by 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on UnsplashWhen I lost twins and he dropped me off at the hospital to get an operation to have them removed. He dropped me off at the hospital bleeding and went to a party with his friends.
I left this man years ago. I'm doing well now.
10. A Pregnant Pause
My brother just went through a divorce, and I asked him what his “moment” was. He laughed—then he told me something that made my jaw drop. "It was when she got pregnant and a week later, I found out from the doctors I can't even produce the goodies to have kids”. Ouch.
11. Good News Is Bad News
I realized that I was hiding good news from her because I knew she would make me feel bad about it. I hoped she was going to grow up and stop being selfish and childish. She never did.
12. You’re On Your Own
woman in black spaghetti strap top and white shorts sitting on bedPhoto by Abstral Official on UnsplashWhen she was getting ready to go to the pub and I called her to say the car had broken down and I was stuck seven miles from home. She said she couldn't help. We had two cars. We split two months later.
13. In Sickness And In Health
We weren’t married but were together for years. I got diagnosed with cancer and she kind of shut off. She then decided to leave several months later.
At an appointment I was officially one year clear, which is a milestone. I realized I was alone through a lot of it. She never wanted anything to do with it. It was a revelation to myself that the relationship breakdown wasn't all because of me.
I got my three-year tests this weekend, blood tests and scans. My current girlfriend is driving me and then taking me out to lunch afterwards. Heck of an upgrade.
14. Don’t Do Me Like That
When she slept with a high-school flame for a year while hiding it and staying home on my single income. We weren’t working as a couple, I knew that. I was trying to improve things, and we’d talked about it, but she somehow neglected to give me that detail.
I’m not angry that she didn’t love me. But heck, just tell me. Don’t do me dirty like that after thirteen years.
15. Kissing And Telling
woman looking at phone beside body of waterPhoto by Becca Tapert on UnsplashSix months after our wedding, when I found out about the emotional (he says "only emotional" but I’m pretty sure it was physical too) affair through text messages. Somehow, that wasn’t the worst part. He had sent his affair partner screenshots of my texts to him in which I was begging him to talk to me and tell me what was wrong.
They both proceeded to make fun of my desperation to fix my marriage, and his affair partner said something along the lines of “Poor girl, she doesn’t know anything and keeps begging you for attention and affection”.
The moment I read those words I realized how big of a mistake I had made.
16. Home Wrecker
When I came home from the ER after being diagnosed with a severe lung disorder, and she immediately left me with the kids so she could go out drinking with friends. Her exact words were, "I need you to make them dinner, I'm running late to meet up with everyone".
17. Cruelty Of The Highest Degree
About a year and a half into our marriage ,she got an internship with Disney and had to move to the other side of the county for seven months. Six months into the internship, she tells me that she met someone else.
She continued to string me along for another six months, saying she doesn't want to get a divorce but she's just been really confused. Then I found out the awful truth. It turns out she just wanted to keep using me to pay all the bills while she finished her degree.
Once she was a month away from finishing school, she admitted that she never really wanted a relationship with me. She only started dating me to make her ex jealous, had been cheating on me for about ninety percent of our ten-year-long relationship, and only stuck around because her ex didn't want to get back together and she didn't want to take care of herself.
She told me she knew this most recent guy she was cheating with was "the love of her life" after three weeks. They had a kid together less than a year after we got divorced and split up within two years.
18. Out On A Technicality
man standing by the window beside bedPhoto by Marcos Paulo Prado on UnsplashThere were A LOT of red flags prior to this, but this was the catalyst. We'd been dating four years, slated to be married in eight months. I noticed he was making lots of likes and comments on a “Brittney’s" MySpace. Nothing huge or obvious.
Then not long after, he locked his phone, but I managed to see he was also getting messages regularly from someone also named Brittney. I had suspected this, but still had no proof. I worked swing and nights at the time.
I came home early one night to him in our bed, with you know who! BRITTNEY. FIRST THING THIS MAN SAYS WHEN I WALK IN ON THEM IS...get this..."THERE WAS NO EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS, I PROMISE BABE".
Later, Brittney got a hold of me on MySpace, and we met up. She had no idea I was even in the picture. We're still friends. Brittney let me read all over their correspondence via MySpace and text. She was very upfront about not realizing he was with someone.
I will admit Brittney was not exceptionally bright, but he had this thing all worked out. He stuffed all my stuff in a closet, even removed photos of us from the walls. I don't wear makeup, and at the time didn't own much stuff.
We were poor, and I was the only one working. He kept getting fired for harassment. Red flag, I know, but at the time I didn’t know WHY he kept getting fired. He also kept the house dark while they watched a movie, then moved to the bed. Said it made it "romantic".
There were a lot of signs I should have noticed. First and foremost, how he actually met me. We worked in the same retail store, and he made a lot of advances and borderline lewd comments to get my attention. I didn't pay attention to the fact that he ALSO did/said these things to other women I worked with.
I was 18 when we met, not used to getting any attention from men, and had pretty bad self-esteem. In the four years we were together I was honestly miserable, so miserable I even committed myself once. I also thought he was the best I was getting. It was really messed up four years of my life.
After all this, I kicked him and his "fluids" out of my house.
19. An Addict’s An Addict
When I realized that my wife loved playing Final Fantasy to the neglect of our own relationship. She had had a problem with obsessively playing World of Warcraft in the past, and we broke up over it. But she quit the game cold turkey and got a job, so we made up.
Then we got married. Except not long after the marriage, she was back into the gaming (but now it was Final Fantasy. We never had any quality time as a couple to just talk; all she ever wanted to do in her free time was drink and play her game.
My wife was a drinker. She passed recently. I just found out the horrible reason why. Her iPad message history revealed that she had had a whole string of in-game boyfriends the whole time we were together (12 years). Lots of flirty messages. The night she passed, she was excited and happy because she just married her current boyfriend (in-game).
But she partied a little too hard that night and drank herself to death. Truly. I messaged one of her guild mates to find out what happened. Turns out, no one ever knew she was married in real life; she never talked about me. But she sure did flirt with a lot of guys in-game.
The guy she married in-game was, himself, married in real life. We live in the US, but she liked to play on European servers and meet European guys. I had been on a business trip to Germany for a week the night she passed. She was so angry at me for not taking her with me, but it was a business trip and not a vacation.
I realize now that what she really wanted was an opportunity to sleep with her Italian boyfriend while I was at work. She had the Duolingo app on her phone to learn Italian, and her browser history showed that she had been looking up Italian cooking recipes. My wife NEVER cooked, so she was clearly thinking about an in-person meetup at some point.
I was grieving the loss of my wife when I found all of this out, and now I'm dealing with a lot of anger, too. If she hadn’t passed and somehow I found this out, I'd be divorcing her right now.
20. He Earned This Divorce
I realized like five years into our 19-year marriage that I’d made a mistake, but what made me leave was when my ex said that our children hadn't EARNED his love when I asked why he never said “I love you” to them. That shook my whole foundation.
I was literally speechless for two days and then I started thinking, wondering if I had EARNED his love yet. I couldn't stop those kind of thoughts...you don't earn love, it is freely given, especially to children. I asked for the separation and divorce shortly after that.
21. Over And Done With
selective focus photography of white Sony PS4 console with wireless controllerPhoto by Nikita Kachanovsky on UnsplashWhen my aunt—who I loved dearly—passed, she was only 54 and I was devastated by her loss, which my husband knew.
As soon as we got home, though, my husband said: “Well, that’s that. We can move on now”. She was just cold in the ground and he was saying this so seriously while turning on his PS4 to play games. I was speechless and went to bed by myself, feeling so utterly lonely. But there was one last straw.
Two days later he forgot my birthday. We’ve been divorced for seven years now.
22. What Have You Done For Me Lately?
I waited on her hand and foot. Every night I brought her a tea. I checked every room to make sure there were no intruders, went to the store for her if she wanted a snack, etc. One day I was really sick with the flu and asked if she'd get me a Gatorade from the store.
She was shocked that I asked and said, "Absolutely not”. Then I thought about it and realized that she had never complimented me, supported me, nurtured me, consoled me, or showed any level of emotional care for me.
I knew at that moment that she never would. All she did was complain that I didn't do enough for her. It took me a while, but I realized I was in a dysfunctional relationship. The worst part is I tried to make it work, still, after all that and it was her who pushed me away because she wanted to move to Portland.
23. Not Kidding Around
After cheating on me the second time, I realized he cared very little about my feelings or the relationship in general. I dealt with that, though, as we had a child and I could put the hurt away for the kid. I finally left, though when I realized he had been neglecting our son while I was away at work.
He was out of a job and had been for months. The quote from our child that really made me decide to leave my ex was: "Mommy, can I always go to work with you? Daddy just sleeps and sometimes I get hungry and can't reach the bread”.
We did talk about this, and my ex always denied it. I tested the jerk next day. What I discovered made my blood boil. I woke the ex up, told him I was leaving for work and he needed to wake up to be with our son—I went to work at 2:30 pm almost every day.
However, I took the kid to work with me. I didn't hear from the ex until 8 pm, and that's only because I texted him and asked how our kid was. "He's fine. He is playing video games in the room”. I informed him the child was with me. Good times.
24. Don’t Bring Me Down
persons hand with silver ringPhoto by Jakayla Toney on UnsplashWe were in the bathroom getting showered and dressed for a friend’s wedding. I was in the best shape of my life at the time, feeling good about myself, and I thought I looked good in my bathing suit.
She was finishing her makeup and I remarked at how beautiful she looked. I waited for her to say something nice in reply, but she didn’t. And it just hit me. I couldn’t remember a single time that she complimented me on my appearance.
So I said that to her, “You know, I always tell you how beautiful you are, and how attracted to you I am, but I never recall you ever saying that I look good or that I look handsome”. She stopped applying her mascara long enough to dismissively roll her eyes at me.
So I made the mistake of asking her, “Do you even find me attractive?”
And she flatly said, “No”.
I asked, “Why did you marry me then?”
And she said, “I didn’t think it was important at the time”.
I never felt so ugly and unloved. And it hurt even more when I had been feeling so good about myself for once in my life 30 seconds earlier.
25. Go On, Give Me Nothing
I had no idea how he felt about me. Almost nine years together. He didn't propose, I did. He didn't tell his family when we married, they found out online. He never shared his energy or emotions with me.
I ultimately had a realization that I didn't even know what he thought of me, other than that I was pretty. I didn't know if he thought I was cool or funny or interesting or smart. I would share myself with him. My thoughts, interests, humor. I'd get nothing in return.
I realized it had always been this way. I felt unseen, unheard. I felt like I was boring and uninteresting. I didn't feel special. I just wanted to feel some sort of connection. I wanted our souls to meet. He seemed incapable.
26. Too Good To Be True
With my first wife, I had inklings that I might not have married the right person when I was working full time (making very good pay) and she decided to quit her job and just sat at home. We had a maid come every week to clean the house top to bottom, do the laundry and all the dishes—and the house still looked like trash six days a week.
If dinner was made at all when I got home from work, it was hamburger helper or a microwaved hot dog wiener and blue box macaroni and cheese. It really became clear when I caught her cheating. Her exact words to a friend: "My husband's an angel, but I'm bored”.
The second wife, I realized multiple times, over and over, that I married exactly the right person for me.
27. All Business No Pleasure
man in gray suit jacket sitting on gray concrete benchPhoto by PodMatch on UnsplashWhen I “booked” a business meeting to discuss how our future would change as our teenagers transitioned to university, assured him it was all positive, and just wanted space to talk. It’s always been very difficult to find time to talk to him, so I figured I’d be all business like since work has always been priority number one…that didn’t go well.
I had barely opened my mouth and he spewed all over me about my ever-changing hobbies. Those “ever-changing” hobbies have been guitar and oil painting for the last eight years…I mentally checked out that day.
28. Hoping For The Worst
We had just moved out from my parents’ place with our daughter. We had been living there for about six months because of financial difficulties. I was the only one working, he was not because of a bad back…which ended up being a fake injury.
We were not getting along at all while living there and for some reason I thought things would get better now that we had our own place. I’ve never been so wrong. The opposite happened; the yelling and swearing got worse.
His controlling behavior just got worse and worse, to the point where if I had a shower without his permission he would bang on the door while screaming at me. I don't know the exact moment, but it was sometime during that month that it all finally clicked in that it was never getting better.
I knew he worked with some attractive women, and I started hoping that he would have an affair with one of them and either leave me for her or it would give me the guts to leave. I still felt sorry for him because of his (fake) back injury.
I stayed with him for another year and a half, and in that time he forced me and our daughter to move far away from my parents because they were beginning to figure out that he was faking his injury. He ended our marriage two months after the move because I ran out of money for the first time in our relationship.
29. Rotten On The Inside
He threw a surprise birthday for me, and towards the end I was inside near the food table and everyone had already gone outside. I affectionately called him over as he was passing by to have a moment.
He rolled his eyes and walked on, saying he was hanging out with so and so. Anyone, even a stranger on the road, was always more important, he just didn't care about me. He only did things for how he would appear to others.
30. Sorry, Not Sorry
a camera mounted to the side of a wallPhoto by James Yarema on UnsplashWe weren’t married, but this was a long-term relationship. She heard a doorbell and asked me to get it. I never heard it and no one was there when I answered. She said, “I’m sorry, it was the television”.
After more than two years with her, I realized that was the first time she ever apologized about anything. That answered all my questions about why the relationship was struggling. I broke up with her soon after.
31. Say Goodbye To Puppy Love
I came home from a long day of work to find burn marks all over the carpet and linoleum. The whole story disgusted me. My then husband had spent the entire day playing games on his PC. While doing so, he had been ignoring our puppy, who had managed to somehow get a hold of a phone battery, bite through it, and cause a small fire.
Thankfully, the dog wasn't injured. This event, on top of finding out shortly before he had been lying about going to community college for almost a year, was the turning point where my feelings stopped.
32. It’s The Little Things
Thankfully not married, but we were living together. It happened when he called me incompetent for taking literally less than 15 seconds to turn off subtitles in Netflix. In that moment, I realized that I had been living in fear and pain for so many years.
In the meantime, the things he was willing to put me down and call me names over were becoming smaller and smaller. I was already walking on eggshells, and I couldn’t take any more.
33. Here’s To You
man standing near the woman walking in party during nighttimePhoto by Andreas Rønningen on UnsplashIt happened when he didn’t mention me in his speech at our wedding. He thanked everyone else, commented on the bridesmaids, talked about our daughters. I may as well not have even been there.
First night of our honeymoon, I got horrendously sick, and he left me alone in our room to go watch something on the big screen on the beach. So much for sickness and health!
34. Me First
It was actually such a small thing that made me click into the fact I married the wrong person. Looking back, our whole relationship was horrible but it was this event that made it all come into focus.
As a bit of back story, I was ridiculously depressed so I had gained a fair bit of weight. He knew I was extremely insecure about this. My husband and I also have birthdays one after the other. His was first and mine was second.
I had expressed that I felt every time our birthdays come around, I feel forgotten as we'd have a party or an event on his birthday and make a big deal about it, and he'd only turn the attention on me after midnight and bring out his now half-eaten cake with mostly burnt-out candles and sing me happy birthday.
That was only if we had a party, mind you. If we had an event we'd do his birthday events and then on my birthday he'd just give me an unwrapped gift. That was that despite me making an effort on his birthday every single year.
He knew how I felt, so we decided to go away to a historical city in my county one year. We were both massive history buffs, so it was right up our alley. We had a lot of fun and spent the first few days looking around to decide what we wanted to do on our birthdays and agreed to arrange something for each of our birthdays.
The city has a lot going on and I pointed out a few things that I'd like as a "surprise" for my birthday. I ultimately wanted to go see the local church, which was quite famous, as well as an exhibition of Richard III—literally a stone’s throw from our hotel room.
He agreed with this and set out where he wanted to go on his birthday. His birthday was a success and I know he still talks about his birthday to this day. We went out to all the places he wanted, I took him to his favorite restaurant and even brought his presents with us so he'd have something opened on his birthday.
Plus, as a surprise, they had a ghost tour around the city on an old hearse bus. This was something he loved and it ended up being his favorite part. We went to be happy and I was optimistic this was going to be a good birthday for me too. I was so wrong.
As soon as we woke up on my birthday, he decided he was in a bad mood and grumbling about every place I wanted to go. I wanted to just have a bit of a lie in as I hadn't slept great the night before, but he was getting antsy about wanting to go down for breakfast.
I said I wasn't hungry and wanted to just stay in the room a little longer. He then pushes me out of the bed, and I just flop onto the floor as I wasn't being rushed today. Yes, this was a bit bratty but I just wanted to enjoy having a bit of autonomy on my birthday.
He then proceeded to grab me by the arm and pulled me up. He said, "Get up you fat lazy lump”. His expression instantly gave away that he knew what he said would hurt me. It instantly spiraled into me getting upset, because not only did he say that to me when he knew it was a sensitive point, but he did it on my birthday.
When he eventually calmed me down, he said, "I'm sorry I made you cry. I only said it because I thought it would make you get up faster”. So after that, we went about my birthday—but instead of doing what I wanted, we went around to every location he wanted to.
We were there a week and never got to see the church or the exhibit, which after the event, he admitted he didn't want to go. He gets worse. He actually admitted he started the fight knowing I’d be too upset to do anything or really celebrate.
This kind of made it click that my happiness and life were never a priority for him. Sadly, it still took me another year and a bit before we actually broke up.
35. Friends With No Benefits
This will be a different answer. My wife is definitely my soulmate and best friend. I'll never find anyone that I can share my true thoughts and soul with. She's everything I want in a mental partner. We complete each other in that regard.
Bedroom-wise, though, it's not the best match. Did I marry my best friend? Definitely. Was that a mistake? I don't know.
36. Shoot The Messenger
black laptop computerPhoto by Stephen Phillips - Hostreviews.co.uk on UnsplashWhen I stumbled across an email where she told a friend of ours that she was going to divorce me soon and that she wanted to sleep with him.
37. Man Child Alert
We'd been married several years, and the marriage had gotten increasingly worse. He only ate out of those stackable plastic plates with the dividers. His reason was ridiculous. It was because they reminded him of being a kid and eating with his parents. Yep.
Anyway, he saw them in the cabinet one day and was outraged because I hadn't stacked them inside one another. I stacked them, but at alternating angles, to ensure they were properly dry and wouldn't be wet between plates.
He started lecturing me on how they fit inside each other in an infantilizing way. I'd known for a long time I didn't want to be married to him anymore, but in that moment, I stared at him with hatred. I'm happy to say I'm out of that marriage, and engaged to my best friend from college.
38. What A Pill
When he took the pain medication the hospital sent me home with. You know…for pain. Not a nice feeling to find out the person who’s supposed to care about you the most will watch you suffer and feel no guilt over being the cause of it.
39. The Long Goodbye
person looking out through windowPhoto by Noah Silliman on UnsplashI was engaged, not married. It was a three-year international relationship. I was completely ready for the battle with the US immigration system. She had to leave after a normal month-long visit, which was totally normal and what we’d been doing for years.
We PDA’ed all to heck at the airport and she said herself that she couldn’t wait to come back… Then she went completely silent, zero contact, the second she got home to Europe. It took three days to get a phone call saying she was done. December 21, 2019.
I knew driving to work that morning that something horrible was going to happen that day, I could feel it, and I wish I could forget that feeling. Still ain’t over it, don’t plan to ever be.
40. Do It Yourself
When our child was three months old, I had the absolute worst case of mastitis. I was so weak I couldn’t even pick up the baby. I asked him to please stay home from work and help me. His response still haunts me. He told me to call my mom, then left for work.
I stuck it out for another four years, through various other scenarios similar to this one, but finally found the courage to leave. The moment I asked for a divorce I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders.
41. The Young And The Restless
When I found that he was texting and calling his 18-year-old student—I think he was 33 at the time. More than that, he gaslit me about it for years and I made myself believe it was fine, even when he met with her in a field at 1 am and even when he would stay out until 3 in the morning with her because she needed “support”.
I knew it was wrong but I was too embarrassed and weak to do anything and wanted my marriage to work. We have been divorced since 2019 and he is now living with her. He really shouldn't work with kids ever again.
42. Out With The Old
two men sitting at a table playing a game of pokerPhoto by Krišjānis Kazaks on UnsplashWhen he left me with a really bad fever to go play cards with his friends. When he accused me of cheating on him while I was pulling all nighters to finish my degree. When he said our kid wasn’t HIS.
When he never complimented me because he said it would get to my head. When he took anyone’s word over mine…and I literally mean anyone. When his way of flirting with me was putting me down.
When I had to keep the stupidest secrets just to keep peace in the house. When the counsellor I confided in told me he was jealous of my accomplishments instead of being proud of me.
Good riddance!
43. Too Much Too Soon
It happened about two years after marrying. I was 29. We had been together for eight years total. We were arguing constantly and I’d never considered or really paused for a second to consider if we were actually right for each other.
I’d never been great with girls, but we clicked and we went from dating to moving in to being engaged in about 3-4 years. Then you get swept along wedding planning, and when you pause for thought you realize it was wrong, but you were on an escalator that kept going from checkpoint to checkpoint so fast, you didn’t pause to think, "Is this what I want?"
So we’re laying in bed one night and she was ill. I’m such a soft and considerate person (to my detriment) but I glanced at her asleep and the thought “I don’t love you” popped in my head from nowhere. Terrifying, and also embarrassing, when you’ve had a 150+ strong wedding two summers ago.
44. Daddy Issues
When he let our few-months-old baby roll off the bed because he couldn’t get to a save spot on his video game. Oh, also when I brought the baby home an outfit and he was jealous I didn’t pick out something for him too.
Don’t worry, as soon as the baby turned a year old, he moved out and we got a divorce. That baby is now 18 and surprise surprise, no relationship.
45. Seeing The Light
a man holds his head while sitting on a sofaPhoto by Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 on UnsplashWe had been engaged for just over a year and together for around a decade. Then I realized I didn’t actually want to be with her, I just was too invested and I didn’t want to make her upset. I knew we would end up getting divorced at some point down the road, so I decided to end it before then.
I went to therapy and realized I had spent my whole childhood trying to make my parents happy, and then I immediately got into a relationship and spent all of my adulthood trying to make her happy. I was miserable because of it, but I just didn’t know.
46. Second-hand Embarrassment
When I realized that every time we were in a public or social situation, I ended up either cringing at what he said or did, or apologizing for it. He would do and say things for shock value and would be deliberately antagonistic.
That kind of opened my eyes to the fact that while I could overlook other issues we had, I was going to spend my life being embarrassed by him. We got married young, and grew up into different people.
47. The Heart Wants What It Wants
I figured it out after the 5th guy she slept with over seven years of marriage. At least five I knew about anyway. Every time I thought it was me. That I could be a better husband, more caring, more supportive, more anything she needed.
If I could just be a better spouse, she would love me and then everything would be alright and we would be fine. Then it hit me. She doesn’t love me. I was just never going to be someone she loved no matter how good of a husband I was.
So I told her I wanted a divorce and why. She didn’t even cry. I moved out that week, filed for divorce, got an apartment, and moved on. It worked out for me, though. I found a wonderful woman who does love me, we are happy and thriving together.
We have been together for 15 years now. I’m just so happy.
48. Look What I Can Do, Mommy
wooden ladle and spatula on top of tablePhoto by Calum Lewis on UnsplashBack when my son was two, he woke up early and snuck downstairs to do something nice for his mom and me. He had seen me make pancakes and he decided he wanted to do that and be nice. Of course, a two-year-old has no concept of what he's doing, so he made a complete mess of everything.
Flour everywhere. Eggs broken on the floor. He destroyed the kitchen with his mess. When his mom and I made it downstairs, he had this huge smile on his face because he was sure he had made us the perfect surprise. It was very heart-warming. Until she went absolutely crazy, yelling at him for the mess.
I thought he was sweet, she thought he was a little monster. She just couldn't get past the mess to see he was doing something out of love. A mess is easy to clean-up. A kid is only making breakfast in bed for you for so long before they grow up.
49. Liar, Liar
There were a lot of red flags. Things like him telling me I was low on the attractiveness scale, and embarrassing to him because I was intellectual, highly educated, yet extremely shy, so I came across as a stuck-up snob to everyone.
Spoiler: Only he and his friends thought this, and maybe not even his friends. He also did other stuff, like spending money on toys for himself that we had allocated for remodeling our house. Pretty necessary stuff like getting rid of a 25-year-old disgusting carpet in a new-to-us house.
The kicker for me was when it came time to have kids. He swore he was all in, but when we weren’t getting pregnant we both got tested. Turned out he had borderline low testosterone and some other issues that were solved with a simple over-the-counter daily medication that had zero side effects.
We tried and tried and I increasingly went through more painful and invasive testing and procedures. The whole time with him saying how he was in 100%, because I checked in with him often to make sure.
Turned out he had been sabotaging the process the whole time. Intentionally not taking the daily medications and doing some other stuff to ensure we would fail.
50. X This Ex
It was a day after the wedding. She didn’t have to hide anymore, and I was stuck. So the love-bombing girl I had happily married turned from nice to pure narcissistic sociopath, just like taking her mask off.
Since we had a daughter, I tried for two years to survive it in an effort to try and fix things. Funny thing is, narcissists are never wrong, so everything was naturally 100% my fault in all aspects. By the end, I was so broken down I didn’t have the power anymore to break free.
You accidentally made a mistake, you got heck. You did something good, you got heck. Ends up with you doing apathetically nothing, since that way it takes them a while to accumulate enough on you to get angry at you for.
I just accepted that I was indeed worthless and pathetic in every and all aspects in life. Then she made a mistake. She started using my daughter as a weapon, scaring the living heck out of her in the process.
I couldn’t save myself, there wasn’t even a shadow left of the ghost of the man I used to be…but I could save her, with powers I still have no idea where they came from. So here I am, 11 years later, with custody of my happy daughter who no longer wakes up screaming in the night “No mommy! No!”
Pro-life tip, don’t get an ex-wife. Those things are absolutely horrible.