The Europe Stories

I was on a train backpacking across Europe with my two best friends, a pale northern girl and a big bearded Sikh dude (He was a hairy gentleman, which is important). We were sat in a carriage with a bunch of older gents and grannies, about 8 of them, probably slightly more. (It was a huge European bullet train)

The train goes round a bend and my Sikh friends bag falls off the top rack and hits the ground... Suddenly we hear a loud vibrating buzz from his bag. A buzz so powerful that the whole bag vibrates. Everyone instantly looks at each other while he jumped out of his seat and grabbed his bag.

One of the sweet old grannies in the carriage smiled and said that he should have taken the batteries out of his vibrator. I instantly lost it and started laughing, as did the girl I was with.

My buddy was so desperate to get the buzzing to stop, he clawed his way into his bag and started tossing his clothes all over the place trying to find it. He said it was a shaver, but most of the people in the carriage didn't speak English apart from that one granny. Realising this, he tried to motion using an electric shaver... only instead of moving his hand across his cheek like a normal person, this panic stricken massive Sikh dude balled his fist up and started pounding his mouth and moving it around his chin.

I managed to open my eyes long enough to see him giving an invisible blowjob, while throwing underwear across the carnage, while a dozen old ladies also lost their sh*t. Every. Single. Person. In the carriage was laughing their *ss off. It was that moment when I realised this would probably be the funniest thing I will ever see.

He eventually got to his shaver, which, being a huge Sikh dude, was understandably very powerful. I've never seen someone crack under pressure like he did, and I've never seen so many people laugh as hard.

meat_on_a_hook

Voicemail #1

One of my friends went to a water park one summer and tried to call me afterwards but I didn't answer. Thus she left me a voicemail in which she informed me (through cackling laughter) that she had gone down a very steep waterslide, stood up, and suddenly felt like she had to sh*t. She rushed to the bathroom and as soon as she sat down on the toilet she released about a gallon of water that had evidently jetted through her *sshole thanks to the velocity of the slide. In her own words, "the girl in the stall next to me probably thought I was a tsunami"

When I first heard it I laughed so hard I cried and couldn't breathe. Now I just listen to it whenever I need to feel better. Still have the voicemail saved under "Wild Waves 2013"

winstonio

Too Big, Too Little

My mom tried to crochet a hat, but all she got was this tiny little hat that could fit a mouse. I was crying laughing for days.

Then, a week later, she made a gigantic hat that was way too big for anyone within our family, and again, I lost it.

Still have no idea why.

carmy00

Kitty Cat The Musical

Found black kitten outside. Not great shape, skinny and respiratory problems. Most likely his first real canned food and antibiotics ever.

Day 2 of antibiotics he starts getting musical. Literally had squeaky butt, sounded like a balloon squeaking. He kept turning around trying to find the noise. It took me a good 7 minutes to breathe semi normal again.

GuyLianTOP

I Want It THAT Way

My boyfriend tries to embarrass me whenever we're in public by dancing/singing like an idiot. Most of the time it works. One time we were out having dinner and backstreet boys starts playing. Of course, he starts singing like an idiot, but it's a pretty packed restaurant so he does it so quietly that only I can hear it, or so he thought... he even throws in a few dance moves in there. Then one of the waiters comes up to him and goes "hey man, did you want me to turn this up for you?", he went BRIGHT red and the waiter actually disappeared to turn it up. Next thing I know, I'm wheezing from laughing so hard because my boyfriend, the embarasser, became the embarassee.

Erodoriel

Ah, The Memories

My mom would kill me if she saw this but, eh 🤷♀️

My sister and I were doing spring cleaning when we found one of mom's old purses. I was about to set it aside when i saw the papers inside, I call my mom to ask if I can look at them and she tells me those are the letters she sent to my aunt here from when they lived in the USA for my dads phd. When my aunt passed away, the letters came back to her. She said it's okay, just be careful and don't damage anything.

so at this point, my sister and I are already kind of emotional, our aunt was a lovely woman, and her passing was just so sad. So i open one of the letters, waiting to cry my eyes out from all the sentiments written inside and.... my mom starts talking about how bad her hemorrhoids is in the second paragraph.... and doesn't stop for like 5 paragraphs more.....

Imagine me and my sister sitting down, already teary eyed, expecting pretty emotional stuff when my mom describes how bad it is for sooo long...

We just started to laugh so hard that we couldn't stop for half an hour. idk if it sounds funny when you read it like this but that was the most i laughed in my life, i nearly cried because of how much i was laughing and it hurt my stomach.

tl;dr was expecting emotional stuff in my moms letter, was ready to cry, she talked about her hemorrhoids for 6 paragraphs, laughed for 30min

welldonedragon

Wah Ah Ah!

I was playing super smash brothers brawl. It was just my two buddies and I and we had a few beers but weren't drunk. We were all playing Wario and just stopped fighting and started crawling around. We began losing our sh*t to the point of absolute hysterics. Suddenly every f*cking thing Wario did became the funniest thing we've ever seen in our lives. I was on the verge of passing out several times and it became remarkably uncomfortable but I couldn't stop laughing

Trompdoy

Certainly Not Raw

While ordering breakfast at a restaurant the waiter asked my 8 year old cousin how would he like his eggs. He looks at the waiter like he was crazy and very seriously answered "cooked " It's been more then 10 years and we still laugh about it. The poor waiter was trying so hard not to laugh.

sohard33

It's Hard Being Thirteen

I was in 8th grade science, and my teacher was explaining a roller coaster project we were about to start. It involved electrical tubing and rubber BB's along with PVC as the frame. We went on to instruct us what to do if your BBs got caught:

"Now class if your balls get stuck in the tube, don't try and suck them out, I'll come bring the compressor and blow your balls right out the tube. So again, don't blow your balls out"

I lost it. I did everything in my power not to laugh, but my face turned beat red and I had tears rolling down my face. I ended up making my best friend who was sitting next to me laugh as well. Everyone in the class was looking at me and my friend, but I thought it was hilarious, yet I was an immature 13 year old.

StuffedTurkey29

Canada In A Cabin

My family and I (dad, cousins, aunt, & uncle) were in a small Minnesota town that might as well be Canada in a cabin in the woods. We had the tv on as white noise, it only got like 3 channels. Saw news was on and just let it play. My dad and cousin were playing ping pong, I was playing chess with my uncle, my aunts reading a book and all of a sudden the tv goes to this BREAKING NEWS segment.

It's talking about how "phone lines are blocked. There are too many calls coming in. We are aware of the situation." "(Insert state name here) has been evacuated." "Believed terrorist attack." "The president is reportedly safe in bunker."

We all freeze. We're trying to figure out wtf is going on. None of us have WiFi. We don't have service and we're all just freaking out. It cuts to a commercial and we're trying to find any other station we can receive, but nothing. It comes back on, and cuts to a detectives office. It was a crime show. We just sat there and laughed for like 15 minutes about how we thought WWIII was starting and the world was basically over.

SoLittleAnswers18