BRB, just going to shrivel up into a ball and not come out 'till next year.
1. One year my neighbor had a summer pool party for the kids in my grade. It was tradition for all the most daring boys to jump off the roof and into the pool, so, naturally, I got up on that roof. As I waved to my crush, I slipped off the roof and landed my left shin on the edge of the pool. An ambulance ride and 32 stitches later, he pronounced his love for me. It was worth the scar I have now.
2. I decided to print a t-shirt with his face on itand it worked!
3. She was into BDSM so I let her shoot 12 industrial staples into my butt cheeks and then beat them with bamboo spoons for an hour. I couldnt sit comfortably for two weeks.
4. I pretended I could play tennis, we went to the local court and I served a ball right into his little brothers face
5. One time I was in an online relationship in seventh grade with a 14 year old named Sid. This was before the time of digital cameras, and I was too young to get my own disposables developed because I didnt have a car, so I sent him my dance recital photos in skimpy leotards and heavy blush. I put them in the mailbox (how else would you send pictures?) and my parents found them in the outgoing mail. Im pretty sure my mom cried. Her 11 year old chubby brunette was sending pictures of herself barely clothed in a cowboy hat to what was most likely a pedophile in Ohio.
6. I was Snapchatting my crush and I wanted my boobs to appear bigger and perkier, so I told my friendwho was with meto hold them up while I snapped the picture(without getting her hands in it of course). Took a few tries, but I sent it.
7. I sat on his girlfriends face. I thought it would make me seem (Continued)
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I thought it would make me seem bold & sexual.
8. My crush once told me my hair looked pretty (I had straightened it for picture day), so I woke up an hour earlier for school every morning for the next two years and straightened the crap out of my hair until finally it was so fried my mom made me get a bob. I cried.
9. One time I jumped off the high dive to do a cannonball to impress my crush. This was a bad idea for two reasons: 1) a cannonball is the least graceful thing you could do, and 2) when I landed, water went straight up my butt.
10. I bought an iPod, created a fake iCloud account, and set it up as a completely different person. Then, I hooked my crush up with my friend (a.k.a fake me) and texted him using fake photos, etc. Well, my crush proclaimed his love to my friend, and she turned him down. Then, real me swooped in and comforted him. It worked and we ended up dating. He still doesnt know it was me fake dating him for three months. I have no regrets!
11. They mentioned how they needed their hair trimmed, so I told them I was really good at cutting hairI never cut hair a day in my life.
12. When I was in sixth grade, this boy had a crush on me. So, naturally, he thought telling me he had a third testicle would impress me.
13. As a child a few of my friends and my crush were gathered at the lunch tables. We were all discussing cool tricks we could do with our bodies. Some had double jointed thumbs, others had voice talents. I focused everyones attention on me and shouted, I can pull out my hair! and then promptly pulled out a chunk of my hair. My crush called me disgusting and left. My first tragic heartbreak.
14. I thought the boy I liked would like me back if I showed him I could fit my entire fist in my mouth. So I did (Continued)
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So I did and it didnt work. Damn.
15. In third grade I had a huge crush on a boy. He and a group of his friends had a club that would meet on the monkey bars during recess. One day I asked if I could join the club if I showed them something coolI said that I could swing on the monkey bars with no hands or feet. They were like LOL OK, so I said 1 23, and flung myself backwards. I face-planted in the dirt. The teachers LAUGHED at me.
16. One time me and my crush went on a fishing trip, and to impress him I ate a minnow. A dead minnow.
17. I had a crush on a bad boy in 10th grade. I was a sweet kid, but wanted to look tough and impress him. At a school dance when I saw him looking in my direction, I pushed my friend really hard and wrestled her to the ground to make it look like we were in a fight. For some reason I thought hed be impressed by this. I looked like a wild goof and my friend was mad at me for a week.
18. I shaved my eyebrows for an entire year because he thought cyber-goth chicks were hot. Nine years later and they still haven't grown back all the way.
19. From grade 3 to grade 5, this dude named Charles had a crush on me. At the time I was all "Eew, boys!". He did all kinds of wild stuff to get my attention. The most common was to try to "surprise smooch" me, which promptly made me chase him and scratch him (Why? I don't know. Kids being kids.) every time.
The craziest, though, was definitely this one day in music class: He asked the teacher to stop the class for a second. He kneeled in front of me, handed me a rose and sung to me a very cheesy Brazilian song which the chorus says "Honey, I love you". I have always been extremely shy and having the whole class looking at me in that extremely embarrassing situation just made me snap. I pushed him away and left.
He constantly asked for teachers to let him speak in front of the class or asked the English teacher to play songs and when she would put them on, he would point at me and say: "Hey this one is for you!".
20. I had the biggest crush on this guy in my biology class. We flirted but he wouldn't ask me out. So when it came time to dissect the frogs I decided to step up my game. I showed him, rather enthusiastically, how to (Continued)
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I showed him, rather enthusiastically, how to shave the frog's head little by little using the scalpel so you could see the brain without damaging it. As an unintended result one of the girls in my group threw up in the trash can. Ten years later and we're married with two kids!
21. To get her attention, I threw a fry directly at her forehead. I'm not joking. It worked too.
22. Walked by him MANY MANY times until he asked me if I was lost and I replied, "FINALLY you notice. I was getting tired of walking."
We then dated for two years.
23. She's in the medical field so I messaged her if she can help me identify my illness and I listed the symptoms of being in love.
24. Drunk me thought I could make my crush jealous by hooking up with a random dude in a port-a-potty during a late night BBQ party in a park. Drunk me is not an intelligent woman.
25. My then crush accidentally threw away her retainer. I dug through the trash at our high school to find it for her. I admit it made me look desperate but she seemed to like me a little more after that. We have been married for almost 10 years now.
26. Drove 225 miles to a Krispy Kreme because she said one time that she missed them so much. If she didn't know I had a crush before, I'm pretty sure I overplayed my hand on that one.
27. Took my grandma's car to drive an hour and a half just to sit outside her house. I texted her telling her I was coming over to see her she agreed. Got there she was actually (Continued)
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Got there she was actually asleep. It was 4 am during the week and I was 14 with no drivers license.
28. I gave her thousands of dollars worth of baseball cards by mistake. Here's the story: there was a girl in my class who I had a HUGE crush on for many years. I wanted to do something very special for her, and I remembered my dad saying that he had some "very special cards" in the garage. Yes, it was his prized baseball card collection. I didn't know that they were so valuable, and proceeded to take them out of the binder thinking, "He has so many! He won't notice if I take ten or so." Well, I showed up to class and had wrapped them up all nicely with a card that professed my love to her. She was actually a really sweet person, so she smiled and said thank you, but in all honesty she was very nonplused by the dinky little pieces of paper with weirdo random athletes I had just handed her. Anyway, that night my dad gets a call from her dad, and they drive by together to return the cards. As her dad hands the cards over, he goes, "He's going to make a great boyfriend some day." They had a good laugh together. Later that night, my dad scolded me for taking his property, but I could tell he was also a little proud.
- Anonymous
29. My crush and coworker tweeted during her opening shift "I'm so tired someone bring me Starbucks". I tweeted back with something encouraging about working the morning shift at a fast food place and soon she responded "aw thanks". 2 minutes later I hand delivered a frappuccino THROUGH the drive-thru window to her.
30. Switched my whole senior year schedule around so that I could have a class with her. Didn't take the class I needed to get into the university program of my choice. Had to take an extra semester while she went off to said university. She started dating a guy there and hasn't stopped ever since. I'm just on the sidelines, hoping there will be a chance one day.
-Anonymous
31. I was drawing a little cartoon on my notebook when the girl I had a HUGE crush on in college saw it and laughed. I was like, "this is my chance." So I began drawing more cartoons of our inside jokes or funny things that would happen in class or on campus or whatever. I would pre-draw things but pretend to whip them up in class, so I would spend around 1-2 hours drawing every day just to have the perfect picture done by next class. Well, we never ended up dating BUT (Continued)
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We never ended up dating, but having a class with that girl all year made me practice drawing so much that I ended up getting really into illustration and transferred to another school to do a degree in it. I saw that random girl on Facebook the other day and, well what the heck, I thought, and I messaged her to tell her that having a crush on her changed the entire path of my life. Guess who has a date next week?
-Anonymous
32. I lived about 3 miles from my high school. After school I would jog all the way to the school and back so I could passively wave to my crush during her cross-country practices. I hate running....
33. Wrote their university entry essay for them. They got in. To Harvard.
-Anonymous
34. Started smoking just to have a reason to hang out with her. I'm literally dying to hang out with her.
35. When I was seventeen, this girl that I was madly in love with asked me to drive her to Buffalo (a city 400 miles away from my home town) to visit a friend. We had just kissed for the first time the week before, and I was elated to spend a weekend away with her.
So I lied to my parents, drove all the way up to Buffalo in the dead of winter, and when we arrived at her friend's house, another guy came out and gave her a hug and a kiss.
Not knowing what to do, I said, "Give me a call when you're done." I drove off to the mall, watched The Ice Harvest, slept in my car, and picked her up the next morning.
I drove for 8 hours not saying a word, and listened to her try to apologize. Even after seven years, I am convinced that every subsequent women I've been with will do that to me.
play in my flip flops. After getting off to a great start on Afronova, I decide to get fancy and start doing spins while on the pad. And promptly fell off of it. Everyone in the student union was watching. I was known as "that DDR guy" for the first two months of school.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
Curious to hear from strangers online who never saw themselves in their current positions in life, Redditor graces-taylor12 asked:
"What about becoming an adult caught you completely off guard?"
The following Redditors were not ready to process the inevitable when it came to their parents.
A Role Reversal
"Watching your parents becoming old and frail."
– Mrbusybaconandeggs
"Dealing with this yesterday and it is an eye-opener. Its hard seeing someone you’ve known as a pillar of strength for 30+ years in a position of such weakness, and knowing that he might improve but generally the decline is coming."
– Rook1872
Age-Defying
"I've had a weird atypical experience. My dad was pretty old when I was born and always had a bad knee he could never afford to get fixed. He could barely walk and has never been able to run since I could remember. It got so bad that he couldn't even walk up or down the stairs in our house."
"Well he eventually got a knee replacement and he's now more agile at 73 than he was at 53. It's weird to see."
– Downtown_Skill
Sad Epiphany
"I'll never forget when I first realized how frail they actually were. I went over to their house to help out with some chores, and they couldn't even clean out any of the pens by themselves. They ended up selling most of their animals that year because they couldn't look after them."
– thecanadiancowboy
Life Can Be Cruel
"It’s slowly beginning with my parents, small hints here and there, they’re in their mid 50s.The big freak out for me has been watching my grandparents slowly declining over the last 3ish years. One set of grandparents have been gone since I was a kid, so these two are all I’ve got now. My Pap’s arthritis and sciatica is to the point now where it’s a process for him just to stand up. 2020 I saved him from a fall, if I wasn’t there to catch him, he would’ve easily been in the hospital for quite a while. That was the first 'Oh sh*t, he’s not immortal' moment."
– NoinePiecesOfVinyl
These Redditors discovered older doesn't always mean wiser.
Wake-Up Call
"I can do whatever the f'k I want. But I don't really want to do anything..."
– IcarusWax
"Yup, the idea of doing whatever you want as an adult was the biggest scam cartoons sold us."
"Yeah, you can do anything you want but you're gonna need money. So you get a job, there goes most of your day to your job."
"So now you have money but that'll go to bills first and by the time you can do what you want you don't have the energy or funds. Then the loop continues.."
– JimmyJackJericho
Fake It Til You Make It
"How clueless other adults are. I really thought adults had their sh*t in order while in reality most people are winging it."
–= xepci0
"Maturity is a skill. Some people learn it quickly. Others never do."
"Children are limited by their youth. Their brains aren't fully developed. But adults are not guaranteed to get more mature without working for it."
"Some people never grow up. They just get old."
– snapwillow
Being Independent
"I'm surprised by the amount of people who genuinely couldn't live by themselves if they had to. They somehow never learned basic life skills like simple cooking or cleaning and always had someone else to do it for them."
– CliffExcellent123
People became more aware of time.
Not Enough Me Time
"How little free time you have. You have to work, you have to prepare for work, drive to work, drive home from work. You also have to do household chores. You have to take care of kids if you have some. When do I get to enjoy my hobbies?"
– lllSnowmanlll
Point Of Exhaustion
"Most of the time I'm so tired from the day, I just don't have the mental capacity to do anything but go right to bed and watch tv ;_;"
– WitherWithout
Never Going Back
"Transitioning from college student + part time worker to full time worker I gained a bunch of time back. I was shocked that I could just decide to do laundry tomorrow if I didn't feel like it. Every evening I had this huge chunk of time that was just open."
"But then, moving from an apartment to a house, now there's a bunch more chores to do. Then introducing kids, now there's all that. But still, I wouldn't go back to the hectic college life."
– civilwarcorpses
Marking Time
"How it just goes on endlessly."
"When you're a kid, there's a summer break every year, and a new school to go to in a couple of years. Whatever part of your life you are in is clearly delimited and there is something new to look forward to after it."
"Once you're an adult, it's just 5 days of work and 2 days of weekend over and over and over until you die."
– Suitable_Mistake2208
After having a decent, long run in the entertainment business as a dancer, I've long held the belief I was invincible.
I was physically stronger, more agile, and foolish enough to think I could perpetually live in such a state.
All of a sudden, reality smacked me in the face one morning when I woke up and heard and felt various parts of my body crackle and pop like when milk hits a bowl of Rice Krispies.
My tired body had the audacity to inform me:
"Not today and from this day forward."
We're currently not on speaking terms.
