Typing While Tired
In college I had a fair number of all nighters and usually had the tv going to help keep me up and help with concentration. Once a couple weeks after submitting an essay for a political science class I noticed that the message I sent with it to my professor went something like: "attached is my water for Italian cooking". My essay was completely fine and had nothing to do with Italy. I guess my brain just turned off as soon as I'd attached the paper and there must have been some cooking related infomercial on tv while I sent it.
TSA, Not T & A
Was taking my belt off at airport security. After I unbuckled, I momentarily thought I was in the bathroom and started unzipping.
Stopped myself half a second before I pulled everything down.
The name of the place I work at begins with an "F". I was chatting with one of my coworkers who was telling me how she runs 10 miles or so every morning as the phone was ringing. What was going through my head was "f$%# that." So when I answered the phone I said,
"F$%#, this is Travis how can I help you?"
My husband and I had an inside joke. Whenever someone lost something, the other person always asked, "have you checked inside your butt?"
I was in a meeting at work (conservative and traditional corporate office) one day and a coworker said, "I can't find my pen."
Without any thought or hesitation I quickly responded, "have you checked inside your butt?" As soon as I said it, I snapped back to reality and realized I was at work.
As you can imagine, everyone went silent and stared at me as my face turned bright red.
When I was sick and feeling feverish, I decided to take some Motrin to try and alleviate the symptoms. Usually I grab the pill bottle and shake out two pills, but instead I grabbed my water bottle first and poured water all over my hand.
I sleepwalk once in a while. Recently I got up at 2am and fed the dog. My girlfriend woke up and was like "wtf, did you just feed the dog? What time is it?"
Apparently I looked her in the eye and said, "Everyone loves a midnight snack."
Was on the phone with my boss and she was getting really irritated about something, I don't even remember what. The combination of her irritation and my exhaustion made my brain misfire, and I ended the call with "okay bye bye Mom, I love you!" I was so embarrassed but she thought it was hilarious and started calling me her adopted daughter after that.
I bought a block of cheese for myself last weekend while my fiancé was away in Nashville. Put it in the fridge like a normal person. At some point I had to get something out of the "miscellaneous" drawer in the kitchen (you know, the one that holds pencils/rubber bands/menus). I didn't find what I was looking for in there, but I did find an unopened block of cheese. No idea how I managed to put it there, nor do I remember ever taking it out of the fridge. But it had to be me, right?
Not too weird because it does make sense, I recently moved to the apartment directly above the one I used to live in. My former roommate leaves the door unlocked.
The frequency at which I just storm in and enter my empty old bedroom is staggering.
Hair Whitening Power?
Loaded up my toothbrush with toothpaste and proceeded to brush my hair with it instead of my teeth.
Back when we had a landline I was talking on the cordless phone and when I hung up I stuck it in the fridge without even blinking an eye. It was lost for hours and nobody noticed until we got a phone call and the fridge started ringing.
Waiting for a Ride
After work I got into the passenger seat of my car and waited a good 2 minutes to be driven home before realizing I was alone.
Typing up a report for work.
Coworkers having a conversation near me.
I proceed to start transcribing their conversation.
I had OJ at work-while I had someone in my office I went to shake it, but the cap was off and proceeded to shower myself with OJ.
Maybe We Should All Try This
Answered my cell phone "911 center, what's the location of your emergency?"
Makes my spouse laugh, my friends roll their eyes, and scares the f*$% out of telemarketers.
12 hr night shifts are a b.
I'm a security guard for Amazon and I have to do bathroom checks.
Caught myself yelling "SECURITY!" right before going to the restroom at a bar on my day off.
Thank God it was empty.
A Cold One
When I was in school (6th grade I think) my mom would make my bagged lunch. She would wrap soda cans with aluminum foil so they would stay cold (pretty sure that doesn't work).
One day I unwrapped my soda and discovered she packed me a beer that day.
Imaginary Furry Friend
Woke up early Monday morning in a bit of a panic.
I had forgot to buy cat food yesterday. The cat must be starving. I hurry and get ready for work. I plan a detour to the store to buy the cat food.
On the drive there I'm planning my run into the store and I realize I don't know what aisle the food is on. How could I not remember what aisle the cat food is on?
Then it hits me.
I don't have a cat.
I haven't had one for several years.
UNwanted Facial Hair
Cleaning up my face with electric clippers. Thought, "Oh, missed a spot." and proceeded to shave off my f$%#ing eyebrow.
Don't Drink and Dye
My wife and I were dying some Easter eggs and drinking wine this past Saturday night and I watched her take a big swig out of orange. There was an egg in the cup and everything.
I filled my car with gas and, when I got home, realized that I had not paid. I went back to the station and told the clerk what I had done. She thought she was missing a payment but the station was really busy at the time so she wasn't exactly sure. I paid for my stolen gas and went about my way.
I also walked into the convenience store next to my work, grabbed a Gatorade out of the cooler and walked out the door. I realized what I did when I got back to work. Went back and paid for that, too.
I used to work for [a sandwich retailer], so I was very used to "pizza sub" meaning "pepperoni".
One day I went to a pizza place on my break and repeatedly told them I wanted a "pizza" pizza, and got very annoyed that they kept asking what kind of pizza I wanted.
Opening a Mozzarella cheese stick for my daughter, threw away the actual cheese stick and gave her the wrapper.
Drinking the Paper Probably Hurt
Got into my car with coffee and a newspaper. Carefully held the rolled-up newspaper whilst hurling the coffee onto the passenger seat.
I cared for a horse for several years.
First thing in the morning I would go put feed and water in the field, lead her out, and close the fence behind her.
One morning as I'm walking back into my house, I hear a weird sound behind me. The sound of hooves on linoleum.
She looked as surprised as I was that I had brought her into my kitchen. Luckily, she never told anyone so my secret is still safe.
Once while playing an intense board game, I was concentrating so hard that my buddy realized that he could just hand random things to me and I'd take them and put them in my jacket pocket or place them on the table in front of me. I only realized when I ran out of space to put things.
nstead of ground coffee, I put a couple scoops of sugar in my coffee filter and brewed it. pyrrhicvictorylap
Self-Feeder Might Be Best
My dog eats in my room, which is across the house from the kitchen, and she gets a mix of wet and dry food that I mix up with a fork. So I get her wet food, get halfway to my room, realize I've forgotten the fork. Go back to the kitchen, get a fork, get halfway back to my room and realize I've forgotten the food. Go back to the kitchen, set the fork down, forget entirely what I'm doing, go back to my room to a very sad and confused puppy. Pour her dry food into her bowl, go to the kitchen, leave the bowl on the counter and go turn on the TV. Walk back in fifteen minutes later, see the bowl, fork and food sitting on the counter, feel like a dunce and apologize to the puppy. Repeat 2-3 times a week.
Not Very Appetizing
I grabbed my "lunch" on my way out the door for work in the morning.
I kept wondering what that beeping noise was the whole drive there. Couldn't figure it out.
Got to work and grabbed my lunch, only to realize I had actually grabbed the baby monitor.
went to a high school in the early 90s where smoking in the bathrooms between classes was very, very common, even though it was punishable by an $80 fine. You were required to say "it's cool" when entering the bathroom or kids would assume you were a teacher and put their cigarettes out. Not doing so could get your a** whooped. Like most kids in my school I became so used to it that it was second nature. I got a job in IT immediately after leaving high school, in a nice office building where I had to wear a tie. I'll never forget walking into the bathroom and loudly saying "it's cool," and the president of the company saying "what's cool?" with a confused look on his face. I just stood there like a dope for a second, and then made up something about it being part of a song. I'm sure he thought I was a weirdo after that.
Note: Comments have been edited for clarity.
I love characters I love to hate.
Even when I hate them I can always find the reason they're involved in the story, so I find it difficult to want them to be erased.
Certain characters flaws and the most heinous decisions are written to further story and bolster the audience's love for the heroes.
So as much as we loathe them, we need them; much like our enemies in real life. That is what makes compelling drama.
Redditor u/nekoandCJ wanted to spill the tea on the characters we could do without in our favorite stories by asking:
People of reddit, what fictional character do you hate with a passion?
The list is long for me. It all starts with the guy who shot Bambi's mom. Lord, to this day that is still traumatizing. But she had to go to give Bambi a story. And Michael Douglas's character in "Fatal Attraction," what a putz. He got what he deserved. But how else would we be able to sympathize with Glenn Close? Even though... well y'all get it.
Family FailHome Alone Christmas GIF by FreeformGiphy
"Kevin McCallister's uncle… "look what you did you little JERK!"
"Percy from the green mile, that freak can DIE IN THE MENTAL WARD!!"
"That was what was so good, there is a Percy in every large group and more that one in any team where failure isn't punished, like a government job working at a prison. He was a great comment on humanity."
Love Sharon Though
"Ginger from Casino."
"Major kudos to Sharon Stone, her performance made me utterly loathe that character. She was a manipulative junkie who tied her young daughter to a bed so she could go out to score. I wanted to reach through the screen and choke her."
"Loathe the character, but that performance is absolutely god-tier. Helluva an acting job. Her and Pesci just freaking nail it to the stratosphere, playing thoroughly unlikeable characters in the absolute most realistic way. Ginger is the holistic ideal of the gold-digging party girl. And Pesci is that moron Dunning-Kruger guy we all know."
"Manny from Diary of a Wimpy kid I think there's a while subreddit about that little monster."
Call a Doctor!Giphy
"Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. My favorite antagonist ever. Louise Fletcher was perfectly cast for the role, too."
Ohhhh... good choices thus far. Although, I found Sarah Paulson's Ratched more detestable. You know who else is a mess? Elmira Gulch. Love the Wicked Witch. Hate Elmira! Go figure...
True Evilthe sopranos hbo GIFGiphy
"Livia Soprano made my blood pressure rise every time she was on screen. Great acting. Mission accomplished."
"I will say, I've seen Comic-Con panels with him and his smarta** sense of humor fit Micah perfectly. He may have hated the character, but boy oh boy was he a fantastic casting choice. As were all the main cast, for that matter."
All the Drama
"When I tell you I stood up and cheered when I originally saw Heather from Total Drama Island finally get booted out of the competition. 'Twas a good day."
"Season 1 I HATED her and loved when she lost her hair. But then it was more of a love-hate relationship with her. She's a fun character. Owen, now that monster I hate. Loved him season 1, but then he just got reduced to fat guy who farts and contributes nothing."
"Craig from Malcolm in the Middle. He's a selfish, annoying coward. Like the episode where he's injured and he makes Lois drive all over town to different restaurants for him. I love when the helper monkey turns on him, that's what he gets for treating it like crap. I especially hate the episode where Hal asks Craig to help him buy a comic book for Malcolm."
"And Craig also makes Hal drive him all over town for different meals and treats and gifts, then when Hal dares to ask when they're actually going to the comic book store Craig flips out and demands to be let out of the car and says he won't help Hal anymore. Like come the hell on, I just want to slap him."
"Do you need a cough drop, Dolores?!"
"I loved Umbridge for the simple fact that she brought out McGonagall's savagery like no one else, and it was glorious."
"Voldemort is just another generic, pointlessly evil type of character that only seems to exist in fiction. Umbridge is the type of tight @ssed bureaucrat that mimics the actual villain in many average people's real lives."
This thread could be endless. So many villains and loathesome characters so little time. But Lord the drama is good!
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Everyone has their own little quirks.
What's the weirdest thing you find attractive?
Perhaps the thing you find the most attractive is completely unnoticeable to the average person. As in, if you weren't looking for this one tiny, small, completely negligible thing, you would never notice it.
But these people did.
Whip It Back And Forth
"My wife had shoulder length hair for a while. Once, when I called her name and she did the hair-swish-smile thing, I just about f-cking died from cuteness."
Little Stragglies Of Cuteness
"The neck, when a woman has her hair up and those little bits of hair curl around."
"Seeing a girl have to stand on her tiptoes to do basically anything, especially to hug or kiss me.
I think it's the cutest thing ever"
Then there are those people who find things attractive that, on first viewing, someone else wouldn't see as "Wow, that's a real turn on!" However, you have refined and cultured taste. Of course you'll love it when someone's bones stick out a little bit.
"Collarbones. Can't even explain it. Just a shirt low enough to show a pronounced collarbone."
"Omgyes! Protruding collarbones and (at least imo) hipbones are crazy hot! It doesn't have to do with them being skinny though! Slightly curvy people can also have really nice defined collar- and hipbones!"
Controlling A Massive Machine
"My husband reversing the car. He puts his arm around the passenger seat and looks over his shoulder...."
"Oh, man, I love watching people drive. The arm-around-the-passenger-seat-while-reversing thing for sure, but also just people driving in general. There's just something about that focus people get when they're behind the wheel; the way their expressions are usually passive, but their eyes are attentive... oh man. I'm with you on this one for sure."
Someone Has A Thing For "Teen Wolf"
"Long canines. The teeth, not the species.
Not unnaturally long like vampire fangs, but just enough that they're longer than the rest of the teeth."
"Huh, weirdest compliment I've gotten from a guy before was that he liked my 'pointy teeth.' This was at a bar and it made my coworker do a double take."
Then there's these, which you may not have known did it for you, but after reading these there's no going back. You're hooked, now, and that's okay. Embrace the weirdness.
I See You Are Also An Individual Of Class And Substance
"Chokers, f-ck those things stir up something primal in me"
"Ah I see you also grew up in the 90s and watched buffy the vampire slayer..."
Wait, That Seems Pretty Obvi-Oh, That's Why...
"Guys who wear glasses.
For some reason I think it's sexy when we're making out and he has to take them off."
Seems Like You Like Everything They Do. Which Is Great.
"I like when women have to go pee really bad and do that dance. Yea it's weird.
Or when you successfully feed your girlfriend at the appropriate time of day and she does a little dance or starts humming a song as she's chewing.
I like watching the daily skin care routine as they furiously and rapidly circulate their little raccoon sized hands in various nonsense that I'll never understand"
Everyone is different. Everyone has different tastes. Everyone has things that speak to them. These are all perfectly acceptable, and steering into them might actually help you along as you continue your search for a viable romantic partner. Don't shy away from the things you find sexy. Embrace them. Be happy.
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When we're kids, we expect the adults in our lives to notice everything, know everything, and maintain a just, sound moral order.
Psh, don't hold your breath.
Whether it's a teacher, the parent supervising a playdate, or mom and dad at home, kids expect them to have eyes on the back of their heads.
That way, when a kid gets into a spat with a peer, has something stolen, or feels a quiet emotion, the adult in the room will respond with full knowledge of all the facts at play.
But adults are just human beings with a limited bandwidth in their heads. Half the time they're doing other things when the incident goes down.
So they weigh in as best as they can with the limited info they receive--usually in the form of two screaming children pointing at one another.
Curious to learn about the times when the adult got it wrong, Redditor Butterat_Zool asked:
"What minor injustice was wrought upon you as a child that you're still salty about today?"
Many people talked about times when a prized possession was stolen, destroyed, or squandered. Sure, things are just things.
But to kids they mean a whole lot.
Covering Her Tracks
"We had a special arts and crafts week when I was about six, maybe younger. I made my dad a Christmas stocking out of clay, because I'd always thought it was unjust that he didn't have one. It was going to be my Christmas presents to him."
"I took it to the teacher to show her, and so it could be fired later. She methodically destroyed it by balling it up in her hands, and then tried to put it down to a brain fart. I was shocked, but mostly I wanted a replacement stocking, since it was meant to be a gift. I asked her to remake it for me, since she, a teacher, would be allowed to use the clay any time, but I only had a few minutes left."
"The next day I was told I'd been bad and I wasn't allowed to participate in the arts and crafts week any more, and that was that."
No Help From Pa
"When I was 4 I had a little red rocking horse necklace. It was my favourite. I wore it to a puppet show my dad took me to one day and took it off and put it beside me."
"The kid next to me picked it up and wouldn't give it back. We fought."
"My dad told her dad he didn't recognize the necklace and let her take it. I'm 45 and still salty."
In-School Pawn Shop
"Teacher took my 2ft long pencil and sold it to another student."
"Yup. A few teachers at that school sold supplies like pencils to students. It just so happened that this one was taken from me because it was 'too distracting' "
All Them Nintendos
"When I was younger I wanted a Sega Dreamcast. My parents wouldn't just buy it for me, since 'I already had enough Nintendos.' I got a job at Hollywood Video. I couldn't even drive yet, so I would ride my BMX to work in my tuxedo uniform."
"When I saved enough money, I told my parents I was going to buy it myself. They told me no. When I asked why, they said it was to teach me that I can't always get what I want, even if I can afford it."
"I bought one anyway and successfully hid it from them. Every night when I went to 'bed,' I'd hook up the Dreamcast and play as quietly as possible. I still give them sh** for that decision, but they stand by it."
Other people fixated on the times an adult embarrassed them in front of multiple people. Of all the examples given, these are enough to make you really worry about some of the people watching kids out there.
"We were on a field trip to some Washington forest and the ranger started asking about products that grow in or are made from forests."
"3rd grade me who had just discovered in some Ranger Rick article that latex rubber comes from tree trunks confidently raised my hand to share."
" 'Uh rubber from trees, now that doesn't sound right does it' and she moved onto another. 35 years later and the salt is still there."
"In 4th grade our teacher told us to write a paper about what we thought of our school, now our school wasn't great and I was homeschooled up until that year and struggling with the change so wrote about my frustrations and how I was generally unhappy with it..."
"...and she insulted me in front of everybody until the point that I cried and then told me I should get up and read the paper to the class, I refused and she made me rewrite that paper until it was positive, you know instead of trying too help me with the problems I had"
Don't Cross a Paleo Nerd
"I was failed on an essay in English class because my interpretation was incorrect. The poet was describing an airplane and they asked us to figure how what it was being interpreted or anthropomorphized as."
"I was a paleo nerd and chose a pterosaur, because the author described the engines as screeching, and heaving, wings outstretched but still, etc. This was in 6th grade and in my essay I wrote 'and pterosaurs weren't like modern birds, they certainly didn't chirp!' "
"The teacher specifically read my essay out loud to the class as an example of something bad and wrong and 'incorrect.' She also didn't know what a pterosaur was or how you say pterodactyl. Big Salt could mine me until the sun explodes."
And finally, others shared the times they found themselves doing the wrong thing, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. The adult only saw a snippet of a much broader context of behavior.
And the minimal knowledge led them to punish exactly the wrong person.
"Someone's phone went off in class, so teacher demanded that person turn their phone it. No one budges. She holds us in class for a good 20 minutes into the next period antagonizing us about this phone that rung. Eventually she let us go and warned all other teachers about this phone incident."
"My 8th period teacher then gets involved and antagonizes us all again. Said he was gonna stand out in the hall and whoever knows anything to report to him. Some kid went out there and said it was my phone. I got yelled at, got written up for Saturday detention, and later that year found out the kid who told on me was the one who's phone rung in class."
The One Time
"In kindergarten, we sat on this foam mat made out of large puzzle pieces, and we were all assigned one. My puzzle neighbor, Tommy, threw his garbage onto my square. Every time I pushed it off, he'd put it back."
"I eventually got mad and told him to knock it off, and the teacher noticed and yelled at me for throwing garbage into his square. I sat out for the rest of the day and my pin was brought down to 'bad day'. I accidentally broke his nose on the metal spider a few weeks after during tag, though."
Pulled In to the Chatter Hole
"Once a week, in kindergarten, they would pick a name of a kid who would win a toy. Only good kids could participate."
"I was alway a good kid, but not really lucky. My name got picked only once in the whole year. That day, unfortunately for me, I was next to a kid who would not shut up during the lesson. I spoke once to ask him to please stop talking. Guess who the teacher chose to punish for disturbing the lesson? That's right. Me. Didn't get my toy."
Until some kind of horrifying technology comes out that allows adults to see and know every facet of their child's existence, tiny injustices like this will proliferate.
But perhaps those couple slights are totally worth the freedom of adults that don't know everything we're up to.
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Modern medicine is a marvel. It's the reason why we've been able to effectively eradicate some serious diseases and improve the quality of health care around the world. When you take these two things into consideration, it's easy to see why vaccine hesitancy can be such a frustrating topic for people right now.
Many people would not be able to survive without the benefits of modern medicine. That's what we learned after Redditor forevernostalgic23 asked the online community,
"If modern medicine didn't exist what medical condition would have died from or been severely impacted by?"
"Bad vision alone would have made me terrible at most things."
I had bad vision until my early 20s. I second this.
"I would have had a very short life..."
"I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age seven. I would have had a very short life without modern medicine."
Having known many people who live with diabetes, I am glad that they are still here.
"I probably would have died..."
"I probably would have died at 6 years old from strep throat."
This is a big one: In the past, it commonly killed many people. And guess what, it still does? The CDC estimates approximately 11,000 to 24,000 cases of invasive group A strep disease occur each year in the United States, with 1,200 to 1,900 of those cases resulting in death.
"I was born..."
"I was born with a bilateral abdominal hernia and amniotic fluid in my lungs, no way I would have survived infancy without modern medicine."
"My brother and I..."
My brother and I were bitten by a rabid farm kitten when we were 6 and 4 years old. Without the foresight of my grandfather who had the cat tested and modern medicine creating the vaccine, my parents would be childless."
Frightening! I saw Cujo as a child and that told me all I needed to know about rabies, thank you very much.
"I would have gone deaf..."
"I would have gone deaf from recurrent ear infections as a child and then died at 14 from pneumonia."
"But since that..."
"I was born two months premature, so I'd likely not survive that in an earlier era. But since that, nothing."
"Mom and Dad..."
"The way I was born. Mom and Dad had to feed me through a tube down my nose the first year and a half."
"If the recurrent..."
"If the recurrent tonsillitis didn't get me, my appendix would have been the end of me as a teen."
"Neither kiddo nor I..."
"Giving birth. Neither kiddo nor I would be alive without emergency surgery."
Amazing, right? Be grateful for modern medicine––there are new developments each and every day. And who knows what the future has in store for us? Will there be a cure for cancer? Alzheimer's disease and dementia? The sky's the limit.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments section below!