People Admit The Weirdest Things They’ve Done While Their Brains Were On Autopilot
Typing While Tired[rebelmouse-image 18353834 is_animated_gif=
In college I had a fair number of all nighters and usually had the tv going to help keep me up and help with concentration. Once a couple weeks after submitting an essay for a political science class I noticed that the message I sent with it to my professor went something like: "attached is my water for Italian cooking". My essay was completely fine and had nothing to do with Italy. I guess my brain just turned off as soon as I'd attached the paper and there must have been some cooking related infomercial on tv while I sent it.
TSA, Not T & A[rebelmouse-image 18353835 is_animated_gif=
Was taking my belt off at airport security. After I unbuckled, I momentarily thought I was in the bathroom and started unzipping.
Stopped myself half a second before I pulled everything down.
F-Bomb[rebelmouse-image 18353836 is_animated_gif=
The name of the place I work at begins with an "F". I was chatting with one of my coworkers who was telling me how she runs 10 miles or so every morning as the phone was ringing. What was going through my head was "f$%# that." So when I answered the phone I said,
"F$%#, this is Travis how can I help you?"
Proctologist Exam[rebelmouse-image 18353836 is_animated_gif=
My husband and I had an inside joke. Whenever someone lost something, the other person always asked, "have you checked inside your butt?"
I was in a meeting at work (conservative and traditional corporate office) one day and a coworker said, "I can't find my pen."
Without any thought or hesitation I quickly responded, "have you checked inside your butt?" As soon as I said it, I snapped back to reality and realized I was at work.
As you can imagine, everyone went silent and stared at me as my face turned bright red.
Feverish[rebelmouse-image 18353836 is_animated_gif=
When I was sick and feeling feverish, I decided to take some Motrin to try and alleviate the symptoms. Usually I grab the pill bottle and shake out two pills, but instead I grabbed my water bottle first and poured water all over my hand.
Snacktime[rebelmouse-image 18353837 is_animated_gif=
I sleepwalk once in a while. Recently I got up at 2am and fed the dog. My girlfriend woke up and was like "wtf, did you just feed the dog? What time is it?"
Apparently I looked her in the eye and said, "Everyone loves a midnight snack."
Workplace Adoption[rebelmouse-image 18353839 is_animated_gif=
Was on the phone with my boss and she was getting really irritated about something, I don't even remember what. The combination of her irritation and my exhaustion made my brain misfire, and I ended the call with "okay bye bye Mom, I love you!" I was so embarrassed but she thought it was hilarious and started calling me her adopted daughter after that.
Cheese Drawer[rebelmouse-image 18353839 is_animated_gif=
I bought a block of cheese for myself last weekend while my fiancé was away in Nashville. Put it in the fridge like a normal person. At some point I had to get something out of the "miscellaneous" drawer in the kitchen (you know, the one that holds pencils/rubber bands/menus). I didn't find what I was looking for in there, but I did find an unopened block of cheese. No idea how I managed to put it there, nor do I remember ever taking it out of the fridge. But it had to be me, right?
Welcome Home[rebelmouse-image 18353839 is_animated_gif=
Not too weird because it does make sense, I recently moved to the apartment directly above the one I used to live in. My former roommate leaves the door unlocked.
The frequency at which I just storm in and enter my empty old bedroom is staggering.
Hair Whitening Power?[rebelmouse-image 18353839 is_animated_gif=
Loaded up my toothbrush with toothpaste and proceeded to brush my hair with it instead of my teeth.
Cold Call[rebelmouse-image 18353839 is_animated_gif=
Back when we had a landline I was talking on the cordless phone and when I hung up I stuck it in the fridge without even blinking an eye. It was lost for hours and nobody noticed until we got a phone call and the fridge started ringing.
Waiting for a Ride[rebelmouse-image 18353840 is_animated_gif=
After work I got into the passenger seat of my car and waited a good 2 minutes to be driven home before realizing I was alone.
Inadvertent Stenographer[rebelmouse-image 18353841 is_animated_gif=
Typing up a report for work.
Coworkers having a conversation near me.
I proceed to start transcribing their conversation.
Refreshing[rebelmouse-image 18353842 is_animated_gif=
I had OJ at work-while I had someone in my office I went to shake it, but the cap was off and proceeded to shower myself with OJ.
Maybe We Should All Try This[rebelmouse-image 18353843 is_animated_gif=
Answered my cell phone "911 center, what's the location of your emergency?"
Makes my spouse laugh, my friends roll their eyes, and scares the f*$% out of telemarketers.
12 hr night shifts are a b.
Restroom Break[rebelmouse-image 18353843 is_animated_gif=
I'm a security guard for Amazon and I have to do bathroom checks.
Caught myself yelling "SECURITY!" right before going to the restroom at a bar on my day off.
Thank God it was empty.
A Cold One[rebelmouse-image 18353843 is_animated_gif=
When I was in school (6th grade I think) my mom would make my bagged lunch. She would wrap soda cans with aluminum foil so they would stay cold (pretty sure that doesn't work).
One day I unwrapped my soda and discovered she packed me a beer that day.
Imaginary Furry Friend[rebelmouse-image 18353844 is_animated_gif=
Woke up early Monday morning in a bit of a panic.
I had forgot to buy cat food yesterday. The cat must be starving. I hurry and get ready for work. I plan a detour to the store to buy the cat food.
On the drive there I'm planning my run into the store and I realize I don't know what aisle the food is on. How could I not remember what aisle the cat food is on?
Then it hits me.
I don't have a cat.
I haven't had one for several years.
UNwanted Facial Hair[rebelmouse-image 18353845 is_animated_gif=
Cleaning up my face with electric clippers. Thought, "Oh, missed a spot." and proceeded to shave off my f$%#ing eyebrow.
Don't Drink and Dye[rebelmouse-image 18353846 is_animated_gif=
My wife and I were dying some Easter eggs and drinking wine this past Saturday night and I watched her take a big swig out of orange. There was an egg in the cup and everything.
Kleptomania[rebelmouse-image 18353848 is_animated_gif=
I filled my car with gas and, when I got home, realized that I had not paid. I went back to the station and told the clerk what I had done. She thought she was missing a payment but the station was really busy at the time so she wasn't exactly sure. I paid for my stolen gas and went about my way.
I also walked into the convenience store next to my work, grabbed a Gatorade out of the cooler and walked out the door. I realized what I did when I got back to work. Went back and paid for that, too.
SubZa[rebelmouse-image 18353848 is_animated_gif=
I used to work for [a sandwich retailer], so I was very used to "pizza sub" meaning "pepperoni".
One day I went to a pizza place on my break and repeatedly told them I wanted a "pizza" pizza, and got very annoyed that they kept asking what kind of pizza I wanted.
Extra Fiber[rebelmouse-image 18353848 is_animated_gif=
Opening a Mozzarella cheese stick for my daughter, threw away the actual cheese stick and gave her the wrapper.
Drinking the Paper Probably Hurt[rebelmouse-image 18353848 is_animated_gif=
Got into my car with coffee and a newspaper. Carefully held the rolled-up newspaper whilst hurling the coffee onto the passenger seat.
House Horse[rebelmouse-image 18353849 is_animated_gif=
I cared for a horse for several years.
First thing in the morning I would go put feed and water in the field, lead her out, and close the fence behind her.
One morning as I'm walking back into my house, I hear a weird sound behind me. The sound of hooves on linoleum.
She looked as surprised as I was that I had brought her into my kitchen. Luckily, she never told anyone so my secret is still safe.
Packrat[rebelmouse-image 18353850 is_animated_gif=
Once while playing an intense board game, I was concentrating so hard that my buddy realized that he could just hand random things to me and I'd take them and put them in my jacket pocket or place them on the table in front of me. I only realized when I ran out of space to put things.
Extra Sweet[rebelmouse-image 18353851 is_animated_gif=
nstead of ground coffee, I put a couple scoops of sugar in my coffee filter and brewed it. pyrrhicvictorylap
Self-Feeder Might Be Best[rebelmouse-image 18353852 is_animated_gif=
My dog eats in my room, which is across the house from the kitchen, and she gets a mix of wet and dry food that I mix up with a fork. So I get her wet food, get halfway to my room, realize I've forgotten the fork. Go back to the kitchen, get a fork, get halfway back to my room and realize I've forgotten the food. Go back to the kitchen, set the fork down, forget entirely what I'm doing, go back to my room to a very sad and confused puppy. Pour her dry food into her bowl, go to the kitchen, leave the bowl on the counter and go turn on the TV. Walk back in fifteen minutes later, see the bowl, fork and food sitting on the counter, feel like a dunce and apologize to the puppy. Repeat 2-3 times a week.
Not Very Appetizing[rebelmouse-image 18353852 is_animated_gif=
I grabbed my "lunch" on my way out the door for work in the morning.
I kept wondering what that beeping noise was the whole drive there. Couldn't figure it out.
Got to work and grabbed my lunch, only to realize I had actually grabbed the baby monitor.
Nicotine Support[rebelmouse-image 18353853 is_animated_gif=
went to a high school in the early 90s where smoking in the bathrooms between classes was very, very common, even though it was punishable by an $80 fine. You were required to say "it's cool" when entering the bathroom or kids would assume you were a teacher and put their cigarettes out. Not doing so could get your a** whooped. Like most kids in my school I became so used to it that it was second nature. I got a job in IT immediately after leaving high school, in a nice office building where I had to wear a tie. I'll never forget walking into the bathroom and loudly saying "it's cool," and the president of the company saying "what's cool?" with a confused look on his face. I just stood there like a dope for a second, and then made up something about it being part of a song. I'm sure he thought I was a weirdo after that.
Note: Comments have been edited for clarity.
Hilarious Insults That Actually Sound Like Compliments At First
Who doesn't enjoy a compliment every now and then?
But have you ever thought you were complimented only to realize you've just been insulted?
For some people those backhanded compliments are unintentional, for some they're very much deliberate and for some people it's actually their love language.
Whatever the purpose, some of these veiled insults are downright clever.
Redditor Ad3quat3 asked:
"What’s an insult that sounds like a compliment?"
"My uncle once said to me 'Nice tattoo, did you do it yourself?'."
"It's on my back."
What do I usually look like?
"You clean up well."
"Wasn't sure if compliment or insult or even how to respond."
Pandemic or party?
"You really look great with this mask!"
Lord, it's hard to be humble.
"You are very modest and have much to be modest about."
"You look well... Fed."
"Did you REALLY do that?"
Stay home next time.
"Thanks for coming!"
"You know, you really didn’t have to.”
"No one could possibly think more highly of you than I do."
"I love how you just don't care how you look."
"I could never do that I'd feel too awkward."
Depends on the person, right?
"I hope your day is as good as you look!"
"I hope you get what you deserve."
"May your day be as sweet as you are."
While some may consider it passive-aggressive, others just find these insults funny and clever.
So what's your favorite complimentary insult?
A good story—whether it's a book, movie, manga or TV show—can really draw us in.
We can get invested in the story to the point we begin to have real feelings about the characters.
That's why having a favorite character die can cause real grief.
Redditor Iridescent126 asked:
"What was the saddest fictional character death for you?"
"Spock, in Wrath of Khan."
"'I have been, and always shall be, your friend'.”
"'Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most... human'."
Stoick the Vast
"Stoick the Vast How to train your dragon"
"Dude literally just reunited with his wife after over 15 years of being gone and spends a total of about 15 minutes with her. Cause of death: basically took a bullet in the chest to protect his son."
"I saw it in theatres and a bunch of kids started to cry. Not like sniffing but out loud wailing. It added to the atmosphere."
"I cried, 20-something y.o. dude just ugly crying"
The Iron Giant
"The Iron Giant will ALWAYS have me ugly crying when he goes up to stop the missle"
Where The Red Fern Grows
"The dogs in 'Where the Red Fern Grows'."
"Came here to say this. This book destroyed me in grade five but also really demonstrated grief in such a profound way."
"Bubba in Forrest Gump. That whole scene had me wrecked."
"From Bubba's weak, 'I wanna go home,' to Forrest's narration saying he died by that river in Vietnam while showing him holding Bubba....."
"God damn, I'm crying just thinking about it."
Saving Private Ryan
"Saving Private Ryan has two of the saddest, most brutally gut wrenching deaths I’ve ever seen on screen in Wade and Mellish."
"Wade trying to talk the guys through his injury that goes from panic and terror to acceptance of his own death as he cries out for his mother and says 'I want to go home'? Jesus Christ."
"Mellish is brutal for all the more uncomfortable and raw reasons you’d imagine. War is horrific. Young men are sent off to die, and their lives are cut short for no reason."
"It’s tragic and heartbreaking, and this is one of the only movies to really nail that feeling"
Ellie From Up
"Ellie from 'UP' gets me everytime"
"Sometimes I wonder how movies ever took off when the first ones were short with no sound."
"Then I remember the time a 10 minute animation with no dialogue absolutely wrecked me. It's a god-damned masterpiece and I hate it."
M*A*S*H Had A Few
"Henry Blake. MAS*H. The scene in the operating room. The actors weren’t told about it, just called back for one last scene shoot and Radar walks in and tells them. The silence is amplified by the sounds of instruments still working. Haunting"
"Piggy backing off this, the guy they tried to keep alive so his kids wouldn't remember Christmas as the day their dad died. That one gets me just thinking about it."
"I just saw that one like a month ago! That was totally heartbreaking. Hawkeye spins the clock forward to twelve o five December twenty sixth and they all conspire to forge his death certificate"
"'He can’t see without his glasses'"
"What made this especially shocking/sad is that the entire movie was a huge bait-and-switch, but in a really effective way."
"At the time, 11-year old me thought -- based on the trailers and the marketing -- that I was about to watch a lighthearted coming-of-age movie."
"And while it does have some of that, boy did it have a macabre edge to it."
"Littlefoot’s mother’s death"
"My son fell in love with this movie when he was 3 or 4, and every time that part would come on I would have to leave the room because no matter what age I am, I will always get emotional. Something about the music and the overall vibe that really just punches me in the gut."
"The music plus the quote 'Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely'. It's so beautiful and tragic."
The sign of a great story is how it can touch our hearts and sometimes break it.
So what was the saddest character death for you?
People Describe The Secret 'Black Market' Operations Kids Had At Their School
There is always a way to make money.
We can start to collect coin as early Pre-K.
We just have to be creative.
And who is more creative than a person who thinks they have nothing to lose?
Every school has a black market system.
Things are being sold and traded for that would shock us all.
Redditor AWESOMEKITTY7364 wanted to discuss the school system's biggest entrepeneurs, so they asked:
"What 'black market' did kids at your school run?"
I know a friend who sold pickles laced with vodka in high school.
She made a killing.
MixturesMix Lab GIF by BrownSugarAppGiphy
"Used to crush up warheads and mix them with sugar. Sold them by the straw with the ends melted. .50 a piece."
'you got the goods?'
"I used to deal in whiteboard markers for teachers in high school. One teacher had a tendency to hoard them, leaving none for other teachers. I would take markers from him and provide them to other teachers in need."
"While there was no formal payment, I was given a little bit more leniency at times (e. g. Requests to leave the classroom for a moment etc)."
"Once the marker would start squealing on the whiteboard because it was almost empty, I'd get teachers giving me a nod as if to say 'you got the goods?' I'd then supply them with the marker color of their choosing (usually black)."
"It was actually a lot of fun, and I never heard teachers talk about my systems or chastise me for taking markers."
An Unfair Edge
"I was in elementary school when pogs were big. Everyone had cool slammers and stuff but I didn't have money for good ones. My dad made one out of 1/2' mild steel for me and used an engraving pen to make a simple pattern. Everyone was asking me where I got them from."
"I didn't wanna lose my unfair edge but i also knew i could make money. My dad had a big sheet of this 1/2' steel. I told them I was the only one who could get them. I sold them for 15 bucks a pop. My dad kept 10 I got 5. And thats when I learned what overhead was."
"I went to a private high school with a strict dress code, ties, belt, etc. So I bought a bunch of ties and belts from a thrift store and ran a lucrative rental business out of my locker."
"If you forgot your gym uniform more than once, you would get fined $5 to rent a uniform from the teacher or serve a detention. I would buy an extra set in the beginning of the school year of each size, and then rent them out/wash them myself undercutting the teachers 'fine' at a cost of $3. Very lucrative over my middle and high school years."
Got Pepsi?Fail Diet Coke GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"I used to sell coke (the drink) because they didn't allow fizzy drinks to be brought in."
Everyone loves a good fizz...
Copy-SellKing Yes GIFGiphy
"The only guy in the school who's family had proper TV channels used to tape wrestling events and rent them out."
"I have family in NY and would go visit a couple times a year back in high school. Every once in a while we'd visit Chinatown in NYC and I'd end up buying $100s worth of fake watches (Rolex, Tag, Gucci, etc) return to school and sell them for double than what I paid for them."
"A lot of people still do this. They fly off to China, buy cheap knock-offs and sell them for a huge mark-up wherever they’re from. It’s big business here in the Philippines."
"My school used the metallic ends of pencils as a currency. Bronze was rarest, so it was the most expensive. Green was most common, so it was the least. We traded for erasers or pencil cases or a spot up in the four square line. Eventually got banned but we still operated with people acting as banks to keep the currency hidden and to keep transactions hidden."
"Pokemon cards we would hide under playground equipment and trade them because the teachers would take them if they saw them. So we always set up 'deals' in class and created a whole Pokemon card trading network."
"We did something similar in my school. We also bet cards on matches. That got shut down pretty quick. We didn't see anything wrong with it at the time. Ahhh, those were the days."
Bag FullBlack Friday Christmas GIF by TargetGiphy
"At my school they too all sweets out of the vending machines and replaced them with healthy snacks."
"In the local town there was a sweet shop where you could buy a kilo of mixed sweets for £5, so every week I would go there and buy £1 of small paper bags and spend the Sunday night before school repackaging them all ready for the week ahead."
"Come Monday I would go into school and load my bag up every day selling the bags for 50p."
Kids are shady, yet diligent.
What kind of sneaky operations did your school have? Let us know in the comment below.
Love itself and the search for it can be a total mess.
But no matter how much we thirst for it, we have to be diligent and look out for warning signs that a potential partner isn't a good fit.
Red flags and warning signs are always jumping out in front of us.
Follow your instincts and trust your guy.
If you think there's something off, they probably could be!
Redditor Artistic_Pop_3323 asked:
"On the first date, what were some immediate red flags that made you not go on a second date?"
On a first date years ago the man I met was easily twenty years older.
Found out he used his son's photo. Whacko.
"Dude spent the whole date talking about how he used to sell drugs."
"I had a first date like this, too! Guy admitted when we first met years before, he was selling drugs and was also still in a relationship with a girl while trying to go out with me."
"On our first date, he told me he was in med school, at the University in the town we lived in. I knew immediately there was no med school, but thought perhaps he was taken his pre-med classes or something, so went on a second date. He had spent an hour telling me how when he got done with his military service he had worked as a military contractor doing 'spy' work in Iraq and 'if I only knew the things he’d done!'"
"We stopped by his apartment to pick something up and while there I noticed all his mail was in a different name than he had given me. I 'magically' got a text from my work, told him I had an emergency and had to go immediately into work and handle it."
"After I told him there wouldn’t be a 3rd date, he got spooky angry and I caught him in the bushes outside my apartment, late at night, several times. I eventually had to get a restraining order - in the name he gave me. After that, I never saw him again! Thank God!"
worst date ever...
"She was still married and said she just wanted to know if she’d 'be able to still get dates if they split up'… worst date ever."
"Was hit on by a married woman, not my wife though. We talked for about an hour because I wanted to see what her game was. After telling her that I was married, she got really angry at me. I thought, WTF? Is there some kind of weird double standard going on here? She got really pissed off when I asked her why it was OK that she was married but not OK if I am married."
Need to make an order...
"Few years ago met up with a guy at a bar and like the entire time he would not stop talking about how he couldn’t wait to go to Russia and get a mail-order-bride."
"Maybe he was trying to make you jealous. Like, 'Oh no, I might lose out on this prime life partner opportunity, better make my move posthaste!'"
Twitchereye twitch GIFGiphy
"He was about 10 years older than his pictures, he didn't stop twitching the entire time, and he kept pressuring me to go back to his place. I noped the f**k outta there."
Umm... maybe get through the first course before offering your place?
By the KnifeMad Addams Family GIFGiphy
"She pulled out a switchblade mid conversation to slice up a passing ant."
For My Own Good
"I was planning a first date with this guy years ago and he suggested bowling. I said it was fine, but I've done it once a few years prior and I was legitimately terrible at it. The group I was with at the time made it fun regardless of me being totally uncoordinated."
"He offered to teach me, but I said another time- I just wanted to get to know him in a relaxed environment. He suggested we still bowl, minus the lessons and he could also share in the hilarity of my lack of skill. I was down. The night came and the lessons started almost immediately."
"How to stand, where to stand, everything I'm doing wrong, I'm not taking it seriously, he's trying to teach me 'For my own good.' He became mean. Not one smile except when he saw me at the start. I told him this was not the fun/chill night I said I was looking for and he told me it would be if I took the game more seriously. He was actually angry about the whole night."
"He tried to change my order with the waitress because I didn’t order what he’d recommended."
"Oh my God, I came here to say this exact same thing! He suggested something, but I wasn't feeling it. I ordered, and he grabbed the waitress as she tried to walk away, and said 'No, she'll have [xyz] instead, thanks.' And let her go, and that was that. It didn't even occur to him that she wouldn't listen or that I'd be pissed. Walked right out of the restaurant."
"I once went on a first date with a guy who was clearly not over his ex. He spent the entire time talking about her, comparing me to her, and even showing me pictures of them together. It was a huge red flag for me and made it clear that he wasn't ready for a new relationship. Needless to say, I didn't go on a second date with him."
Slugwrestlemania 22 eating worms GIF by WWEGiphy
"He told me he had worms. Not in a casting, fishing, or terrarium kind of way. Full on internal parasites."
"Hahaha, I once had a date graphically describe the time he had to remove a tapeworm from his own butt.. while I was trying to eat spaghetti at an expensive Italian restaurant."
Oof... this is why I'll never date again. #Singleforlife
Do you have any other singles stories? Let us know in the comments below.