Every second of life is precious and every breathe we take is fragile. We often tend to be blind and ignore the fact that every second and every breathe could be our last and final. But once and awhile life will throw us a little something to remind us. When you are in fear for your life it all falls into perspective. And as traumatizing as events like that are we have to look at what we can learn from them.Redditor u/YachtRockSantaMonica wanted everyone to discuss all the times they felt life was fragile enough to be concerned by asking.... [SERIOUS] What's the SCARIEST thing that has EVER happened where you feared for your life?
Same thing happened to my younger brother decades ago. A storm was rolling in over the water and the lifeguard was calling people in, but my ~6yo brother instead was floating further and further out. We could see him bobbing in between waves, getting more distant with each one that crested.
Lifeguard eventually sees him and swims way out with his float device and brings him back. I spent the rest of vacation entirely sick to the stomach over it.
We grew up somewhat near the coast where rip-tide formation was extremely common, so suffice to say we were brought up with rip-tide swimming techniques getting drilled into our heads. I've been caught in a few smaller ones and have been able to swim my way out since, but he was just so young he didn't know what to do. Scary as all hell.
Every time I drove with my former step dad. He liked to take a bunch of pills (Xanax and Hydro's ) and would fall asleep behind the wheel while almost speeding if not already speeding. I would have to spend up to a few hours watching the road and him at the same time screaming at him to wake up and watch where he was going. then he'd get mad at me because he claimed to be in control the whole time. we did this for years until around the time before he died where he seemed to be genuinely trying to get his shit together but before he's wrecked his/my moms car on multiple occasions.
At a friend's barbecue, I stupidly decided to swim from one end of the pool to the other UNDER the pool cover. Got about half way and was smoked, so went to push up the cover to get some air.
It doesn't work that way.
After a few efforts to push the cover up, and a moment of sheer panicked flapping, I realize I have to swim for the edge. Being pretty wigged out, my brain doesn't go to the closest edge at the side of the pool, but for the far end.
I made it there just, while my vision was starting to go a bit dark and blurry, and crawled, gasping, out up the steps, flopped down on my back and coughed up the last of the water I'd taken in.
As I finally sat up, someone handed me a beer. None of my mates had a clue what had just nearly happened, and I find myself wondering when I think about it since, how long they'd have left me under there before realizing something was wrong.
Husband was driving box van through Toledo headed for Detroit, me in the passenger seat. Got hit by one of those sudden hard wind gusts while in the middle lane on the I280 suspended bridge over the river and it scooted us over a full lane and a half. I was looking out the window and down over the guardrail to the water below and eternity. That was the day I learned real terror will make you sick because for the next 30 minutes neither me nor my spouse could speak without retching from the horror of it.
During the wine country fires in 2017 a social media call for help went out from a place that needed to evacuate horses quickly. I grew up on a horse farm so my buddy who had a livestock trailer came and picked me up and we went to help. If you've seen those videos of people driving through forest fires and it looks like night time in the middle of the day, it was exactly like that. Walls of fire on either side of us and heat so intense I can/t describe it. We got every horse out but we both had to go to the hospital for smoke inhalation.
I was very young, around 9/10, going into surgery to get teeth taken out. While they had the mask on the knock me out, I started coughing and trying to sit up, they told me to calm down, I had never been in surgery before and started freaking out. When I freak out, I vomit. But I was laying down and it was stuck in my throat. I kept trying to sit up but the nurse has holding the mask over my face pretty tight, and I wasn't a very strong kid.
I struggled for about thirty seconds and started to feel a tight pressure in my head and behind my eyes, the only reason they noticed was because I hadn't been knocked out yet since I haven't been breathing. Sat me up and I spewed everywhere and was gasping like crazy, scared the doctor half to death when he walked in. Worst feeling ever, and as a kid I really thought I was gonna die.
I crashed my moped into the back of a tractor on a small country road, went flying and narrowly avoided getting my head crushed by the wheel. The scariest part was realizing later that I nearly died (and telling my dad). At the time and In the immediate aftermath I was stupidly calm. I think my brain prescribed a me a massive dose of hormones.
I was being chased by a biker late at night. He didn't like my driving I guess and flipped me off, yelled at me to stop my car and chased me around the area and even onto the highway before I lost him by going into a Walmart parking lot. Guess he didn't want any witnesses for whatever it was he had planned. He was the typical cliche biker: big older dude, bandana, tattoos, leather jacket.
I slipped on a steep slope on a mountain... it was going to end in a cliff. Instead of going off the cliff, I managed to go into a clump of thorny bushes... there was barely any difference between swiss cheese and me...
I didn't think I would die but the scariest day of my life was taking my newborn son home from the hospital. My partner had left me because he didn't think he was old enough to be a father (he was 27) so I was totally alone, my parents picked us up from hospital but just dropped us off at the door of my tiny bedsit, no offers of help or support.
I walked through the door with my brand new baby and just cried with fright and loneliness. Luckily, instinct and common sense kicked in and we survived, life eventually got better I'm glad to say but I'll never forget that awful feeling.
I was held down by my throat by a man who said he was going to kill me. He was about to hit me when we were interrupted by a very brave man who also testified in court as a witness for me. I think I'd be dead if he hadn't come along. He assaulted and robbed another woman that evening too. I remember thinking "so this is how it ends" and feeling so gutted that I would die this way.
I got caught in a riptide off Daytona Beach. I was just floating not too far off the shore with a friend (future wife but that's another story) and her younger cousin. They got hungry so they went back to shore to get some food, but I was just in a good mood, floating in the water and relaxing so I wanted to stay out for a bit. I kind of zoned out looking out at the horizon and all the boats off in the distance, it all felt very calm even though the waves were pretty strong.
Eventually I turned around to start heading back to the beach and I realized I was MUCH further way from the shore than I thought, and there weren't any other people near me anymore. I started swimming back to land but the beach wasn't getting any closer. I panicked a little, and I tried to swim as hard and fast as I possibly could to get back to the beach. After a minute or two I came to the grim realization that the beach was still getting further away. I started to truly feel like my life was in danger.
I was about to really freak out when a random surfer paddled over and ask me if I needed help. I said yes, and he grabbed my hand in one of his and kept paddling with the other. He explained "you looked like you were in trouble. When you get stuck in these things, you gotta swim parallel to the shore to get out of them." He pulled me to the left and dropped me off in much calmer waters.
I swam toward the beach and this time actually made progress, until I could stand and walk back onto dry land. I was nowhere near where I started, and it was a long walk to get back to our spot on the beach but I've never been more thankful for a long walk.
Wow I'm from London and I got mugged a couple of times. 2 guys strangled me from the back and another 2 guys were in front of me searching me for my phone. Luckily someone working in a shop nearby saw this and immediately called the police. Thanks that worker to this day.
I met him after it all happened to thank him.
I didn't know him before. I recently found him on social media and sent him a message telling him I was married with two children now and it was all thanks to him that I was able to do that. He sent a lovely reply. He seemed and still seems like a really decent human being. I know that the experience was frightening for him too but I hope he gained something from it just like I did.
After dinner with friends walked alone to my car and two dudes show up and one slams me against my car demanding me to open the car door. I panicked and threw the keys, and out of surprise the guy let go of me and I hauled butt to the nearest open public place. Car jacking gone stupid because when the cops got there, they left the keys in the ignition and ran away. Cops assume they couldn't drive a manual.
I was home alone when I was 11 and someone tried to break in. I hid in the pantry and called the cops. Scariest 15 minutes of my life.
Here's something quite recent that happened.
I was out for a morning bike ride at 8 am, I was biking around this secluded spot with a bunch of trees around; foresty area.
As I was biking along, a DAMN MOOSE jumps straight out of the trees and almost charges at me. But the moose saw me, got startled and hesitantly jumps back into the trees where it came from.
For people who have never seen a moose, they're freaking giant. Actually seeing them in person is a way scarier experience, especially about to charge straight at you. I was shaken as hell.
I was robbed at gun point. One of the guys kept saying "shoot him, shoot him". Fortunately he was not the guy with a gun. I am glad he made the choice he made.
The earthquake in Washington, DC in 2011. I'm from California so I wasn't new to earthquakes, but when it first began to shake, it didn't immediately register what was happening. First, I thought it was the Metro, but then I realized I was no where near a stop. Next I thought, terrorist attack, but there were no explosions, fire, or smoke. It finally dawned on me it was an earthquake, and I was about to shrug it off like I was used to back home, but then I suddenly remembered where I was. And that there aren't earthquakes in DC.
The apartment I lived in at the time was built in the late 50s, early 60s and the noises it was making sounded like the steel beams were twisting and straining. The swaying and sound it made was terrifying. I realized I had no where to run, no where to go, and just stood looking out my window frozen. When I saw everyone running out of the building, I knew I wouldn't make it out in time if the building collapsed, so at that moment I accepted I was going to die.
It was the strangest sensation. Total calm and acceptance, yet indescribable horror. There was no damage or injuries reported in my building, but I will never be able to shake that experience. Not the earthquake itself, but that split second where I believed I was going to die.
I flipped a semi truck onto a median and slid 300 yards in Utica, NY. Almost slid off a mountain in PA somewhere in a semi. I no longer drive 18 wheelers. I stumbled out the cab and over to the other embankment. If I was going North, I stumbled across the road to S. While watching my near death experience, a car pull up close to me and two people got out and I heard them say "I wonder is driver still in there!?" while walking toward the tractor leaking diesel (30k environmental damage is what i was told). I didn't know diesel didn't explode so I had to stop them.
I woke up to a phone call in the hotel from Ron (hated that guy):
After making sure I was ok and telling me the damage, "Well, your fired."
How do I get home?
"Thats your concern... bye."
Like 3 days after my 23rd year on the planet. I resided in Michigan at the time. Had to move to Pittsburgh, PA cause it was closer and least expensive to travel to. I'm in Texas now.
i had a gun held to my head during a robbery. I knew a girl for 3 years who was pretty beaten down by life, i felt bad for her and tried to help her out as best as i could, buying her groceries, helping out with her kid, etc. wasn't attracted to her or anything just felt bad as she was otherwise fun to talk to and hang out. eventually she got a boyfriend who looked like trailer trash, he eventually learned the cost of my photography gear and told her that he wanted to rob me and she agreed to help.
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Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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