People Break Down The Time They Actually Feared For Their Life
Please let me live!
Every second of life is precious and every breathe we take is fragile. We often tend to be blind and ignore the fact that every second and every breathe could be our last and final. But once and awhile life will throw us a little something to remind us. When you are in fear for your life it all falls into perspective. And as traumatizing as events like that are we have to look at what we can learn from them.
Redditor u/YachtRockSantaMonica wanted everyone to discuss all the times they felt life was fragile enough to be concerned by asking.... [SERIOUS] What's the SCARIEST thing that has EVER happened where you feared for your life?1-
Same thing happened to my younger brother decades ago. A storm was rolling in over the water and the lifeguard was calling people in, but my ~6yo brother instead was floating further and further out. We could see him bobbing in between waves, getting more distant with each one that crested.
Lifeguard eventually sees him and swims way out with his float device and brings him back. I spent the rest of vacation entirely sick to the stomach over it.
We grew up somewhat near the coast where rip-tide formation was extremely common, so suffice to say we were brought up with rip-tide swimming techniques getting drilled into our heads. I've been caught in a few smaller ones and have been able to swim my way out since, but he was just so young he didn't know what to do. Scary as all hell.
2-
Every time I drove with my former step dad. He liked to take a bunch of pills (Xanax and Hydro's ) and would fall asleep behind the wheel while almost speeding if not already speeding. I would have to spend up to a few hours watching the road and him at the same time screaming at him to wake up and watch where he was going. then he'd get mad at me because he claimed to be in control the whole time. we did this for years until around the time before he died where he seemed to be genuinely trying to get his shit together but before he's wrecked his/my moms car on multiple occasions.
3-
At a friend's barbecue, I stupidly decided to swim from one end of the pool to the other UNDER the pool cover. Got about half way and was smoked, so went to push up the cover to get some air.
It doesn't work that way.
After a few efforts to push the cover up, and a moment of sheer panicked flapping, I realize I have to swim for the edge. Being pretty wigged out, my brain doesn't go to the closest edge at the side of the pool, but for the far end.
I made it there just, while my vision was starting to go a bit dark and blurry, and crawled, gasping, out up the steps, flopped down on my back and coughed up the last of the water I'd taken in.
As I finally sat up, someone handed me a beer. None of my mates had a clue what had just nearly happened, and I find myself wondering when I think about it since, how long they'd have left me under there before realizing something was wrong.
4-
Husband was driving box van through Toledo headed for Detroit, me in the passenger seat. Got hit by one of those sudden hard wind gusts while in the middle lane on the I280 suspended bridge over the river and it scooted us over a full lane and a half. I was looking out the window and down over the guardrail to the water below and eternity. That was the day I learned real terror will make you sick because for the next 30 minutes neither me nor my spouse could speak without retching from the horror of it.
5-
During the wine country fires in 2017 a social media call for help went out from a place that needed to evacuate horses quickly. I grew up on a horse farm so my buddy who had a livestock trailer came and picked me up and we went to help. If you've seen those videos of people driving through forest fires and it looks like night time in the middle of the day, it was exactly like that. Walls of fire on either side of us and heat so intense I can/t describe it. We got every horse out but we both had to go to the hospital for smoke inhalation.
6-
I was very young, around 9/10, going into surgery to get teeth taken out. While they had the mask on the knock me out, I started coughing and trying to sit up, they told me to calm down, I had never been in surgery before and started freaking out. When I freak out, I vomit. But I was laying down and it was stuck in my throat. I kept trying to sit up but the nurse has holding the mask over my face pretty tight, and I wasn't a very strong kid.
I struggled for about thirty seconds and started to feel a tight pressure in my head and behind my eyes, the only reason they noticed was because I hadn't been knocked out yet since I haven't been breathing. Sat me up and I spewed everywhere and was gasping like crazy, scared the doctor half to death when he walked in. Worst feeling ever, and as a kid I really thought I was gonna die.
7-
I crashed my moped into the back of a tractor on a small country road, went flying and narrowly avoided getting my head crushed by the wheel. The scariest part was realizing later that I nearly died (and telling my dad). At the time and In the immediate aftermath I was stupidly calm. I think my brain prescribed a me a massive dose of hormones.
8-
I was being chased by a biker late at night. He didn't like my driving I guess and flipped me off, yelled at me to stop my car and chased me around the area and even onto the highway before I lost him by going into a Walmart parking lot. Guess he didn't want any witnesses for whatever it was he had planned. He was the typical cliche biker: big older dude, bandana, tattoos, leather jacket.
9-
I slipped on a steep slope on a mountain... it was going to end in a cliff. Instead of going off the cliff, I managed to go into a clump of thorny bushes... there was barely any difference between swiss cheese and me...
10-
I didn't think I would die but the scariest day of my life was taking my newborn son home from the hospital. My partner had left me because he didn't think he was old enough to be a father (he was 27) so I was totally alone, my parents picked us up from hospital but just dropped us off at the door of my tiny bedsit, no offers of help or support.
I walked through the door with my brand new baby and just cried with fright and loneliness. Luckily, instinct and common sense kicked in and we survived, life eventually got better I'm glad to say but I'll never forget that awful feeling.
11-
I was held down by my throat by a man who said he was going to kill me. He was about to hit me when we were interrupted by a very brave man who also testified in court as a witness for me. I think I'd be dead if he hadn't come along. He assaulted and robbed another woman that evening too. I remember thinking "so this is how it ends" and feeling so gutted that I would die this way.
12-
I got caught in a riptide off Daytona Beach. I was just floating not too far off the shore with a friend (future wife but that's another story) and her younger cousin. They got hungry so they went back to shore to get some food, but I was just in a good mood, floating in the water and relaxing so I wanted to stay out for a bit. I kind of zoned out looking out at the horizon and all the boats off in the distance, it all felt very calm even though the waves were pretty strong.
Eventually I turned around to start heading back to the beach and I realized I was MUCH further way from the shore than I thought, and there weren't any other people near me anymore. I started swimming back to land but the beach wasn't getting any closer. I panicked a little, and I tried to swim as hard and fast as I possibly could to get back to the beach. After a minute or two I came to the grim realization that the beach was still getting further away. I started to truly feel like my life was in danger.
I was about to really freak out when a random surfer paddled over and ask me if I needed help. I said yes, and he grabbed my hand in one of his and kept paddling with the other. He explained "you looked like you were in trouble. When you get stuck in these things, you gotta swim parallel to the shore to get out of them." He pulled me to the left and dropped me off in much calmer waters.
I swam toward the beach and this time actually made progress, until I could stand and walk back onto dry land. I was nowhere near where I started, and it was a long walk to get back to our spot on the beach but I've never been more thankful for a long walk.
13-
Wow I'm from London and I got mugged a couple of times. 2 guys strangled me from the back and another 2 guys were in front of me searching me for my phone. Luckily someone working in a shop nearby saw this and immediately called the police. Thanks that worker to this day.
I met him after it all happened to thank him.
I didn't know him before. I recently found him on social media and sent him a message telling him I was married with two children now and it was all thanks to him that I was able to do that. He sent a lovely reply. He seemed and still seems like a really decent human being. I know that the experience was frightening for him too but I hope he gained something from it just like I did.
14-
After dinner with friends walked alone to my car and two dudes show up and one slams me against my car demanding me to open the car door. I panicked and threw the keys, and out of surprise the guy let go of me and I hauled butt to the nearest open public place. Car jacking gone stupid because when the cops got there, they left the keys in the ignition and ran away. Cops assume they couldn't drive a manual.
15-
I was home alone when I was 11 and someone tried to break in. I hid in the pantry and called the cops. Scariest 15 minutes of my life.
16-
Here's something quite recent that happened.
I was out for a morning bike ride at 8 am, I was biking around this secluded spot with a bunch of trees around; foresty area.
As I was biking along, a DAMN MOOSE jumps straight out of the trees and almost charges at me. But the moose saw me, got startled and hesitantly jumps back into the trees where it came from.
For people who have never seen a moose, they're freaking giant. Actually seeing them in person is a way scarier experience, especially about to charge straight at you. I was shaken as hell.
17-
I was robbed at gun point. One of the guys kept saying "shoot him, shoot him". Fortunately he was not the guy with a gun. I am glad he made the choice he made.
18-
The earthquake in Washington, DC in 2011. I'm from California so I wasn't new to earthquakes, but when it first began to shake, it didn't immediately register what was happening. First, I thought it was the Metro, but then I realized I was no where near a stop. Next I thought, terrorist attack, but there were no explosions, fire, or smoke. It finally dawned on me it was an earthquake, and I was about to shrug it off like I was used to back home, but then I suddenly remembered where I was. And that there aren't earthquakes in DC.
The apartment I lived in at the time was built in the late 50s, early 60s and the noises it was making sounded like the steel beams were twisting and straining. The swaying and sound it made was terrifying. I realized I had no where to run, no where to go, and just stood looking out my window frozen. When I saw everyone running out of the building, I knew I wouldn't make it out in time if the building collapsed, so at that moment I accepted I was going to die.
It was the strangest sensation. Total calm and acceptance, yet indescribable horror. There was no damage or injuries reported in my building, but I will never be able to shake that experience. Not the earthquake itself, but that split second where I believed I was going to die.
19-
I flipped a semi truck onto a median and slid 300 yards in Utica, NY. Almost slid off a mountain in PA somewhere in a semi. I no longer drive 18 wheelers. I stumbled out the cab and over to the other embankment. If I was going North, I stumbled across the road to S. While watching my near death experience, a car pull up close to me and two people got out and I heard them say "I wonder is driver still in there!?" while walking toward the tractor leaking diesel (30k environmental damage is what i was told). I didn't know diesel didn't explode so I had to stop them.
LSS
I woke up to a phone call in the hotel from Ron (hated that guy):
After making sure I was ok and telling me the damage, "Well, your fired."
How do I get home?
"Thats your concern... bye."
Like 3 days after my 23rd year on the planet. I resided in Michigan at the time. Had to move to Pittsburgh, PA cause it was closer and least expensive to travel to. I'm in Texas now.
20-
i had a gun held to my head during a robbery. I knew a girl for 3 years who was pretty beaten down by life, i felt bad for her and tried to help her out as best as i could, buying her groceries, helping out with her kid, etc. wasn't attracted to her or anything just felt bad as she was otherwise fun to talk to and hang out. eventually she got a boyfriend who looked like trailer trash, he eventually learned the cost of my photography gear and told her that he wanted to rob me and she agreed to help.
Money makes the world go round.
It contributes to the betterment of society.
Well, that is what we're led to believe, right?
That is why so many of these big billion-dollar companies get fabulous tax breaks.
But sadly so many big-money jobs only help themselves.
In fact, a lot of fancy, money careers only focus on the green and not the people.
Redditor ThurnisHailey wanted to discuss the careers that leave little to help the world, so they asked:
"What high-paying jobs contribute very little to society/humanity?"
Anti-Robinhood
Real Estate Realtor GIF by South ParkGiphy"My sister makes a lot of money in real estate. She helps rich people get even richer."
Ieatalot2004
"To be fair, most jobs are helping rich people get richer."
nBrainwashed
Useless
"As a marketing manager, I can tell you I have one of the most useless jobs in the world."
erose994
"What do you actually do as a marketing manager? I'm just curious."
bertolintus
"Mostly wrangle the opinions of 8,000 people who all think a project should be executed differently and all feel like it needs to be done yesterday. And pass that project through a complicated and overly bureaucratic system of approvals until it inevitably stalls out in a VP's inbox, and you have to send them 3 reminder emails just to get it done."
"Other than that... Talking to agencies (at least where I work, we outsource our graphic design, social media, and advertising work to third parties), building annual strategies, planning social media and email content, and occasionally getting to do something fun like writing a blog post."
"Oh, and managing budgets. But it's budgeting season right now so that's a touchy subject."
erose994
Data Collection
"Some of the best-paid people are figuring out how to collect as much data about you as possible to show you the best adverts. Or how to shave off milliseconds off a trading decision and build better arbitrage strategies to buy and sell the same thing millions of times."
Weak_Commercial_7124
The Middle
"IT middle management. I always thought they did nothing, then I was promoted to one and now I can actually confirm it."
"Do nothing, contribute nothing. Worthless."
RedditWhileImWorking
"I honestly think middle management is all about what you make it. If you're motivated and WANT to make things happen for the better, I think you generally can, but it's also very easy as a middle manager to just maintain the status quo and literally do nothing but collect a paycheck."
TinaBelchersBF
Complicated
people love GIFGiphy"Hospital administration. Obviously, hospitals are important and are complicated systems that need proper management, but any doctor, nurse, etc. can tell you that hospital admins aren't exactly looking out for your health and safety."
dancingbanana123
It's sad to learn hospitals are a scam. Tragic.
Office Time
Staring Episode 2 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Administrators who spend a lot of time inside an office in calls or meetings but have very little to do with the hands-on work that actually advances stuff."
Ukhupa
Dirt
"I'm using a burner account. I'm a political strategy advisor which is code for opposition researcher. I work for a federal government party in my country. I research for gossip or dirt on our political opponents and feed stories to the media to disparage them and have us win elections. I feel all I do is make people more disenchanted with politics."
Clean-Elephant9363
Moochers
"During the pandemic, didn't you notice that the 'essential workers' were often paid minimum wage? Seems like the important jobs that actually keep everything running are not being paid much at all, most of the time. All the value of their labor is being sucked out of them by the wealthy moochers who just happen to own the company but never do any work."
Pipboypipboycheerio
Liars
dominic cooper preacher GIF by Amazon Prime Video UKGiphy"Megachurch preachers are evil AF."
MpVpRb
"The fleecing of gullible sheep is a story as old as humanity."
wittie2
Well, people certainly had some feeling about these career paths. What do you think? Do you have anything to add?
While we may not all want to admit it, most of us would really like to be remembered for something.
It might be something as simple as being remembered as an excellent friend or it might be something as big as winning the Nobel Prize.
No matter what it is we want to be remembered for, we all have a unique story to share, but only a select few will choose to share that story through writing a book.
Redditor Caseated_Omentum asked:
"If you were writing an autobiography, what would your opening sentence be?"
The Unreliable Narrator
"I am not a reliable narrator of my own life."
- profanearcane
"I wrote my autobiography a couple of years ago because I have bad memory issues… and this was pretty much my first line, as well."
- solargalaxy6
Good Start
"When I was born, I briefly held the record for being the youngest person alive. It was all downhill from there."
- peon47
Charles Dickens, Is That You?
"My birth was announced with notices in two English local newspapers: It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times."
- BobBobBobBobBobDave
In Hindsight
"Looking back, I realize that I brought it all upon myself."
- Keefer1970
Something Out of a Douglas Adams Novel
"…I saw a portal. The portal was called, 'Earth, the Suckiest of all Realms.'"
"There was a neon flashing arrow with the words, 'You will regret coming here.'"
"And I said, 'Well, what the f**k. How bad could it be?'"
"And so I entered…"
- Louise-the-Peas
The Big Disclaimer
"Do not under any circumstances attempt to replicate or reenact any experiences in this book."
- Spirited-Reaction257
"Put a big red DISCLAIMER on the front."
- NidzoKamikaza
"These stunts were not done by professionals or under the supervision of professionals. Please do not attempt to replicate or copy anything I recount in these texts."
- GuyNamedWhatever
Solo from the Beginning
"Neither of my parents showed up for my own birth."
- TheBoldHold
"'I was born an orphan' is actually possible and would be an epic, tragic way to start an autobiography."
- Arild11
Repressed Memories
"Most of what I remember didn't happen, and most of what I don't remember did."
- ElHoser
No Refunds
"You made a mistake buying this book."
"EDITED TO ADD: I know it's supposed to be the first sentence, but since you guys REALLY liked it, I’ll extend it a bit:"
"Seriously, you could have spent your money on anything else, yet you spent it on this. There is nothing interesting about my life. But oh well, there are no refunds, so you might as well just read it."
"This might be a fan favorite, or that one book you read a couple of pages of, then put in the drawer where it lies for the rest of eternity. But I got my money anyways so I don’t care. Good luck with the rest of your life, and good luck on maybe reading this book."
- Brotastic29
Very Meta
"In the beginning, [Anonymous] was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
- Cultural_Bison_6306
Run, Forest, Run!
"Despite what Forrest Gump said, life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates."
"EDITED TO ADD the second sentence:"
"It is more like a box on Minesweeper: you pick a blue tile and you never know if you're safe or if your f**king brains are gonna be blown out."
- radioactiveteacup
So Unfair
"Just because my parents wanted to f**k back in 1964, I'm stuck here cleaning up everyone's f**k-ups."
- TrailerParkPrepper
"Your username seems intriguingly relevant."
- WillieFast
"Ask yourself this, is he a prepper living in a trailer park, or does he prep said trailer park?"
- nxnphatdaddy
"I want to read the book about a person who preps trailer parks."
- hp640us
What a Journey
"So I was chilling out in this super comfortable uterus when suddenly..."
- Viking_Hippie
"…I was evicted. My tenancy agreement wasn’t even up for two more weeks!"
- yoursextape
"Actually, I was supposed to have gotten out on my dad's birthday, but I was so precocious that I knew then and there that staying a couple of weeks longer was the better play."
- Viking_Hippie
"I mean, it was really nice. For nine months, I didn't have a single problem or care in the world. I had a private, heated swimming pool, could sleep whenever I wanted to for as long as I wanted to, and I could daydream for hours."
"I never felt hungry, cold, sad, worried, or bored. I was constantly waited on and didn't have to do menial work (like breathing on my own)."
"But in the end, the living space felt kind of cramped and I just went with the flow."
- karayna
Let's Be Real
"I am not the type of person who writes autobiographies, and if you're interesting you likely don't read many; I will endeavor to make this entertaining for both of us."
- Organic-Roof-8311
Multi-Genre Crossover
"This book may seem like a work of fiction; a horror story, a Shakespearean tragedy, a heartwarming tale of hope; but I assure you, everything within the confines of these pages actually happened. The good and the bad."
- Frostbyte525
While not everyone is destined to write a book, or more specifically an autobiography, there were certainly some interesting starts here that we'd love to see more of.
It's a great reminder that there are more of us out there who could write a good story if we only gave ourselves the time to do it.
When it comes to possessions, everyone is different depending on the individual's tastes and demands.
After all, one man's trash is is another man's treasure, or so they say.
Possessions can also include intangible assets like ideas, talent, trademarks, and intellectual property.
While the list of these items is endless, there are some things people shouldn't go through life without having.
This was explored specifically applying to one gender when Redditorsimmer5523 asked:
"What is something every man should own?"
Listen up, gents.
Claiming Responsibility
"His f'kups."
– lrbiester
"Hi, Proud owner of many f'kups here, trying to be better."
– ghoul_legion
Staying Humble
"A self-awareness based sense of humor. I define this as a man understanding that it's okay to be the butt end of a joke. Don't hang your pride on being untouchable... if you lean into a joke, it passes you faster and nobody at all really cares. I have found that people think I'm more confident and charismatic than I actually feel."
– ManyThat9040
Stay Confident
"Self Respect."
– ChairmanSaab
"Sorry bro I lost that years ago along with any confidence in myself."
– danktt1
"You can always get it again."
– CharimanSaab
These can be practical necessities, regardless of gender.
This Holds
"A good quality bucket. You never know when you'll need it. This applies to everyone, not just men."
– Dhampyre-supreme
"And something in the larger size range."
– cCitationX
"Hey man, it’s not about size, it’s about how you use it."
– Christmas_Panda
Odds And Ends
"Add a flashlight with spare batteries, condom and Plan B, car jack, plunger, tire iron and weapon to the list of 'it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.'"
– 1vertical
These can definitely come in handy.
Dental Requirement
"A toothbrush."
– EnvironmentalMoney87
"I had a roommate once who didn't own a toothbrush. He just chewed gum and figured that was good enough. Some of the worst breath I've ever encountered."
– Nooples
Can't Live Without Them
"Tools, and a willingness to learn how to use them. Long term, there is practically no better investment."
– AdamOas
"The first rule of home repair and improvement : The one tool you do not yet own is the tool the next project will require."
– Proud-Wrongdoer5053
Cooking Essential
"A decent set of kitchen knives. Everyone, regardless of their gender should know how to cook."
– WhiskeysDead
"Chef’s knife, pairing knife, kitchen shears and a bread knife. Maybe a cleaver, that’s 95% of stabby/slicey/choppy kitchen related tasks."
– gratusin
These suggestions would help improve men's image.
Manner Of Dress
"Professional clothes."
"A suit is well and good, but a freshly ironed buttoned shirt and chinos with a belt will work too. A watch is also of benefit."
"As much as people say looks don't matter, it's a lie. The first thing you can possibly be judeged on is your appearance, second is how you carry yourself. Take care of your appearance, stand up straight, look forward, shoulders squared, look people in the eyes, and speak clearly."
"You don't need to always be looking or acting professional, but the ability to when necessary is invaluable. It's a great way to make a good first impression, which can open a lot of doors for you."
"You don't even need to be in good shape to do so. My brother is a heftier gent, and even still he has the ability to look very professional and carry himself in a way that draws both attention and respect."
– Nath_davies98
Stay Organized
"A good quality wallet. No velcro, football badge/camo effect effort. A nice wallet made of good quality material neatly containing all your important cards etc."
"Ladies spot these things."
– Specialist-Cake-9919
A handkerchief is something I like to carry when most guys don't.
They can easily go in men's pockets, and are not at all cumbersome to have on his person.
What's it good for?
To wipe off a moistened forehead, preventing runny noses, and wiping off armpit sweat before it appears on the expensive shirt he's wearing during a job interview.
The whole point is to never let them see you sweat–whether it's for a business meeting, giving presentations, or a first date.
Men can at least look classy on the outside under potentially intimidating scenarios with a hankie.
You're welcome.
The Best Ways To Tell If Someone's In An Open Relationship Or Actually Cheating On Their Partner
Views of commitment and monogamy in romantic relationships continue to evolve.
More and more couples have decided to open their relationships, seeing other people while still remaining committed to one another.
Dating someone who's in an open relationship can take some getting used to, however, as the feeling of knowing your new romantic interest is going home to their spouse or partner following your date is strange, to say the least.
Then too, can you ever be certain that they are in fact in an "open relationship," and not just cheating on their partner?
"How do you know when someone is really in an open relationship, and not a cheater pretending to be in one?"
When In Doubt, Don't...
"If you're feeling off about it, don't do it."- Massive-Ad7628
Bad Feeling I Anticipate Problems GIF by America's Got TalentGiphyConfirmation Needed From Both
"When the partner openly knows and acknowledges it."- EngineeringVirgin
"I was seeing a man who was married."
"He assured me that their relationship was open, that he had full permission to do whatever, and that if it would make me comfortable he would give me his wife’s number and she and I could chat."
"We saw each other for about four years."
"I went to pick him up at his house a couple times and his wife would say 'have a nice date!'."
"That’s the way to do it."
"Everything on the table."
"If there’s some sneakiness, something that makes you feel it’s not quite right, you need to listen to that feeling."- theyarnllama
"Ask to meet their partner."
"If they’re really open, it shouldn’t be a problem."- bloomautomatic
Threes Company Reaction GIF by moodmanGiphyAn Oldie But A Goodie...
"Ask them to pinky swear."- Still_kinda_hungry
Give Your Intentions A Second Thought As Well
"Agh."
"Ok so I’m in an open relationship with my partner and he hooked up with this girl, and we called her to go get a drink with us and she was like 'I knew he had a girlfriend, but I didn’t know you knew'.”
"After that I def didn’t want to hang out with her because she thought she was facilitating him cheating on me."
"Not cool."
"Intentions matter."- Physical_Witness_922
Ask And Answer
"In my experience, ask literally anything about what type of poly or open they are."
"Also anyone who isn't willing to get/show a recent std test isn't worth the risk."- Midori8751
just ask leslie jones GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyInstructional Videos
"My SO and I just make videos explaining the situation and ground rules."
"That way, our potential partner know what they are dealing with."- TagtheCat
Doesn't Hurt To Check...
"I slept with a woman who was in an open marriage."
"Her husband called to check on her and ask if she was ok."
"She said she was fine and that was the extent of the call. I think that’s a pretty good indicator."- Fit-Concern-81
It's All About The Reaction
"When they introduce you to their SO as their lover and the SO is fine with it."
"Open relationships rarely sneak around on each other."- welltriedsoul·
“'So like…. You know your husbands screwing Ashley right….??'”
“'Yeah I know'.”- AkKik-Maujaq
It Must Be A Mutual Decision
"In my experience, one of my ex's said we were in an open relationship, however I didn't know that."
"So yeah, that's a cheater."
"I briefly dated someone that was in an open relationship (the couple were long distance)."
"I spoke on the phone with the girlfriend before any sex happened so we could all be on the same page regarding boundaries and intentions, what protection will be used, testing, etc."
"It really wasn't awkward, and I appreciated knowing that everyone was aligned."- korova_chew
Cartoons Button GIF by NickelodeonGiphyIf They Say No, That's A Problem
"Ask them if you can talk to their partner."- vivi2626
Don't Ask, Don't Tell... Don't Date!
"I've been poly for closing in on 2 decades."
"I used to run a large poly meetup in a huge metro area."
"I've seen it all, personally talked to several thousand+ poly folks over the years, etc."
"I REFUSE to engage with anyone in a DADT policy at all at this point."
"HARD F*CKING PASS, the vast majority of the time its cheating."
"And when its not I swear 95% of the time is because the couple with the DADT policy hasn't done any work around opening up their relationship and there are a LOT of problems involved."
"And I want nothing to do with that huge nightmare of a cluster f*ck anymore."
"Here's my perspective and where it comes from."
"The amount of cheating I've seen is beyond staggering."
"A huge percentage of the women I know have run into TONS of men that are cheating and try to use poly, dadt, etc as a guise to do it."
"I have zero reason to put that much trust in someone I just met. It's the same reason I ask for proof of STI testing."
"I can't understand people with the attitude of 'if you can't trust them why are you with them' the whole point is you don't know them that well why would you trust them?"
"This is one step in establishing some trust."
"The ethical part of ENM is a big big deal to me, and I refuse to be complicit in cheating and be put in an unethical situation."
"If cheating was rare it would be a different situation, but f**k it's common."
"I've verified 100% of my partners are in ethical situations, and none of them had a problem with it."
"I've had a number of their partners thank me for actually checking."
"I'll accept a few options for verification, a phone call, voice chat, a brief text exchange while my date is present, a prerecorded voice / video message, or showing me snippets of a conversation where being poly is discussed / confirmed and there is a long-standing chat history with said person."
"Most of the time I had already met or seen their partner, so I already knew it was ethical."- f*cklifehard
Schitts Creek No GIF by CBCGiphyMany couples have said that their communication and commitment has greatly improved after opening their relationships.
When one half of a couple seeing other people causes pain and unhappiness, however, it seems clear that that relationship is not open in a healthy way.
Particularly if only one person is truly benefitting from it.