People Break Down The Time They Actually Feared For Their Life
Please let me live!
Every second of life is precious and every breathe we take is fragile. We often tend to be blind and ignore the fact that every second and every breathe could be our last and final. But once and awhile life will throw us a little something to remind us. When you are in fear for your life it all falls into perspective. And as traumatizing as events like that are we have to look at what we can learn from them.
Redditor u/YachtRockSantaMonica wanted everyone to discuss all the times they felt life was fragile enough to be concerned by asking.... [SERIOUS] What's the SCARIEST thing that has EVER happened where you feared for your life?1-
Same thing happened to my younger brother decades ago. A storm was rolling in over the water and the lifeguard was calling people in, but my ~6yo brother instead was floating further and further out. We could see him bobbing in between waves, getting more distant with each one that crested.
Lifeguard eventually sees him and swims way out with his float device and brings him back. I spent the rest of vacation entirely sick to the stomach over it.
We grew up somewhat near the coast where rip-tide formation was extremely common, so suffice to say we were brought up with rip-tide swimming techniques getting drilled into our heads. I've been caught in a few smaller ones and have been able to swim my way out since, but he was just so young he didn't know what to do. Scary as all hell.
2-
Every time I drove with my former step dad. He liked to take a bunch of pills (Xanax and Hydro's ) and would fall asleep behind the wheel while almost speeding if not already speeding. I would have to spend up to a few hours watching the road and him at the same time screaming at him to wake up and watch where he was going. then he'd get mad at me because he claimed to be in control the whole time. we did this for years until around the time before he died where he seemed to be genuinely trying to get his shit together but before he's wrecked his/my moms car on multiple occasions.
3-
At a friend's barbecue, I stupidly decided to swim from one end of the pool to the other UNDER the pool cover. Got about half way and was smoked, so went to push up the cover to get some air.
It doesn't work that way.
After a few efforts to push the cover up, and a moment of sheer panicked flapping, I realize I have to swim for the edge. Being pretty wigged out, my brain doesn't go to the closest edge at the side of the pool, but for the far end.
I made it there just, while my vision was starting to go a bit dark and blurry, and crawled, gasping, out up the steps, flopped down on my back and coughed up the last of the water I'd taken in.
As I finally sat up, someone handed me a beer. None of my mates had a clue what had just nearly happened, and I find myself wondering when I think about it since, how long they'd have left me under there before realizing something was wrong.
4-
Husband was driving box van through Toledo headed for Detroit, me in the passenger seat. Got hit by one of those sudden hard wind gusts while in the middle lane on the I280 suspended bridge over the river and it scooted us over a full lane and a half. I was looking out the window and down over the guardrail to the water below and eternity. That was the day I learned real terror will make you sick because for the next 30 minutes neither me nor my spouse could speak without retching from the horror of it.
5-
During the wine country fires in 2017 a social media call for help went out from a place that needed to evacuate horses quickly. I grew up on a horse farm so my buddy who had a livestock trailer came and picked me up and we went to help. If you've seen those videos of people driving through forest fires and it looks like night time in the middle of the day, it was exactly like that. Walls of fire on either side of us and heat so intense I can/t describe it. We got every horse out but we both had to go to the hospital for smoke inhalation.
6-
I was very young, around 9/10, going into surgery to get teeth taken out. While they had the mask on the knock me out, I started coughing and trying to sit up, they told me to calm down, I had never been in surgery before and started freaking out. When I freak out, I vomit. But I was laying down and it was stuck in my throat. I kept trying to sit up but the nurse has holding the mask over my face pretty tight, and I wasn't a very strong kid.
I struggled for about thirty seconds and started to feel a tight pressure in my head and behind my eyes, the only reason they noticed was because I hadn't been knocked out yet since I haven't been breathing. Sat me up and I spewed everywhere and was gasping like crazy, scared the doctor half to death when he walked in. Worst feeling ever, and as a kid I really thought I was gonna die.
7-
I crashed my moped into the back of a tractor on a small country road, went flying and narrowly avoided getting my head crushed by the wheel. The scariest part was realizing later that I nearly died (and telling my dad). At the time and In the immediate aftermath I was stupidly calm. I think my brain prescribed a me a massive dose of hormones.
8-
I was being chased by a biker late at night. He didn't like my driving I guess and flipped me off, yelled at me to stop my car and chased me around the area and even onto the highway before I lost him by going into a Walmart parking lot. Guess he didn't want any witnesses for whatever it was he had planned. He was the typical cliche biker: big older dude, bandana, tattoos, leather jacket.
9-
I slipped on a steep slope on a mountain... it was going to end in a cliff. Instead of going off the cliff, I managed to go into a clump of thorny bushes... there was barely any difference between swiss cheese and me...
10-
I didn't think I would die but the scariest day of my life was taking my newborn son home from the hospital. My partner had left me because he didn't think he was old enough to be a father (he was 27) so I was totally alone, my parents picked us up from hospital but just dropped us off at the door of my tiny bedsit, no offers of help or support.
I walked through the door with my brand new baby and just cried with fright and loneliness. Luckily, instinct and common sense kicked in and we survived, life eventually got better I'm glad to say but I'll never forget that awful feeling.
11-
I was held down by my throat by a man who said he was going to kill me. He was about to hit me when we were interrupted by a very brave man who also testified in court as a witness for me. I think I'd be dead if he hadn't come along. He assaulted and robbed another woman that evening too. I remember thinking "so this is how it ends" and feeling so gutted that I would die this way.
12-
I got caught in a riptide off Daytona Beach. I was just floating not too far off the shore with a friend (future wife but that's another story) and her younger cousin. They got hungry so they went back to shore to get some food, but I was just in a good mood, floating in the water and relaxing so I wanted to stay out for a bit. I kind of zoned out looking out at the horizon and all the boats off in the distance, it all felt very calm even though the waves were pretty strong.
Eventually I turned around to start heading back to the beach and I realized I was MUCH further way from the shore than I thought, and there weren't any other people near me anymore. I started swimming back to land but the beach wasn't getting any closer. I panicked a little, and I tried to swim as hard and fast as I possibly could to get back to the beach. After a minute or two I came to the grim realization that the beach was still getting further away. I started to truly feel like my life was in danger.
I was about to really freak out when a random surfer paddled over and ask me if I needed help. I said yes, and he grabbed my hand in one of his and kept paddling with the other. He explained "you looked like you were in trouble. When you get stuck in these things, you gotta swim parallel to the shore to get out of them." He pulled me to the left and dropped me off in much calmer waters.
I swam toward the beach and this time actually made progress, until I could stand and walk back onto dry land. I was nowhere near where I started, and it was a long walk to get back to our spot on the beach but I've never been more thankful for a long walk.
13-
Wow I'm from London and I got mugged a couple of times. 2 guys strangled me from the back and another 2 guys were in front of me searching me for my phone. Luckily someone working in a shop nearby saw this and immediately called the police. Thanks that worker to this day.
I met him after it all happened to thank him.
I didn't know him before. I recently found him on social media and sent him a message telling him I was married with two children now and it was all thanks to him that I was able to do that. He sent a lovely reply. He seemed and still seems like a really decent human being. I know that the experience was frightening for him too but I hope he gained something from it just like I did.
14-
After dinner with friends walked alone to my car and two dudes show up and one slams me against my car demanding me to open the car door. I panicked and threw the keys, and out of surprise the guy let go of me and I hauled butt to the nearest open public place. Car jacking gone stupid because when the cops got there, they left the keys in the ignition and ran away. Cops assume they couldn't drive a manual.
15-
I was home alone when I was 11 and someone tried to break in. I hid in the pantry and called the cops. Scariest 15 minutes of my life.
16-
Here's something quite recent that happened.
I was out for a morning bike ride at 8 am, I was biking around this secluded spot with a bunch of trees around; foresty area.
As I was biking along, a DAMN MOOSE jumps straight out of the trees and almost charges at me. But the moose saw me, got startled and hesitantly jumps back into the trees where it came from.
For people who have never seen a moose, they're freaking giant. Actually seeing them in person is a way scarier experience, especially about to charge straight at you. I was shaken as hell.
17-
I was robbed at gun point. One of the guys kept saying "shoot him, shoot him". Fortunately he was not the guy with a gun. I am glad he made the choice he made.
18-
The earthquake in Washington, DC in 2011. I'm from California so I wasn't new to earthquakes, but when it first began to shake, it didn't immediately register what was happening. First, I thought it was the Metro, but then I realized I was no where near a stop. Next I thought, terrorist attack, but there were no explosions, fire, or smoke. It finally dawned on me it was an earthquake, and I was about to shrug it off like I was used to back home, but then I suddenly remembered where I was. And that there aren't earthquakes in DC.
The apartment I lived in at the time was built in the late 50s, early 60s and the noises it was making sounded like the steel beams were twisting and straining. The swaying and sound it made was terrifying. I realized I had no where to run, no where to go, and just stood looking out my window frozen. When I saw everyone running out of the building, I knew I wouldn't make it out in time if the building collapsed, so at that moment I accepted I was going to die.
It was the strangest sensation. Total calm and acceptance, yet indescribable horror. There was no damage or injuries reported in my building, but I will never be able to shake that experience. Not the earthquake itself, but that split second where I believed I was going to die.
19-
I flipped a semi truck onto a median and slid 300 yards in Utica, NY. Almost slid off a mountain in PA somewhere in a semi. I no longer drive 18 wheelers. I stumbled out the cab and over to the other embankment. If I was going North, I stumbled across the road to S. While watching my near death experience, a car pull up close to me and two people got out and I heard them say "I wonder is driver still in there!?" while walking toward the tractor leaking diesel (30k environmental damage is what i was told). I didn't know diesel didn't explode so I had to stop them.
LSS
I woke up to a phone call in the hotel from Ron (hated that guy):
After making sure I was ok and telling me the damage, "Well, your fired."
How do I get home?
"Thats your concern... bye."
Like 3 days after my 23rd year on the planet. I resided in Michigan at the time. Had to move to Pittsburgh, PA cause it was closer and least expensive to travel to. I'm in Texas now.
20-
i had a gun held to my head during a robbery. I knew a girl for 3 years who was pretty beaten down by life, i felt bad for her and tried to help her out as best as i could, buying her groceries, helping out with her kid, etc. wasn't attracted to her or anything just felt bad as she was otherwise fun to talk to and hang out. eventually she got a boyfriend who looked like trailer trash, he eventually learned the cost of my photography gear and told her that he wanted to rob me and she agreed to help.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.