Parents Who Regret Having Kids Explain What They Wish They Knew Beforehand
Not everyone is meant to be a parent. The societal pressure to have kids is something that leads a lot of people to reproduce, whether or not they like it. It may seem impossible to some to full-on regret having kids, but these Redditors do. Here are there stories.
u/Lemonlemongo asked: Parents who regretted having kids, what do you wish you had known before?
Lots of good advice.
I regret not doing/knowing the following before I had kids:
1.) Travel, a lot. Everywhere, the farther the better. Spend your money on it, use your time.
2.) Don't brush off school districts and schools when you buy a house, it may not matter now but it may be the things that changes your entire world in a few years, don't be selfish because it's a great price and you love the location now, but the schools are sh! t, Don't. Don't do that. You will be in a bad place later.
3.) Make sure your spouse will really, truly, co-parent with you. My cousins husband would change her sons diapers but not their daughters because "ew, that's weird" ... Figure it out before you're like 10 years into marriage and decide it's the right time.
4.) Consider your family dynamic - maybe you're just fine on your own with little help as an adult, but when you have kids, you need a village more than you'd like. Working with kids that constantly get sent home sick and need to go to the doctor, special half days at school and long school breaks. If it is just up to you and your spouse to take time away for all of that, you better have an understanding job that provides ample time and/or very close family and friends that are willing to take kids, pick them up, do overnights, the whole deal. My parents are in florida half the year and my in laws work full time. It's way more tough than I thought. I constantly feel like I'm going to get fired because I'm taking another unexpected day off because my kid can't go to daycare because they're sick.
5.) If you really want to have kids you better consider the fact that even though you feel pretty rich as a single person, or a maybe a two income household, that your area better have good, affordable daycare, or you or your spouse better be planning to stay home, in order to afford a kid or more. I know lots of people who make good money who were shocked to figure out that basically they can only afford to have one kid because the cost of childcare or the cost of staying home was so great that they could barely afford it. I live in a place where daycare is very affordable, I have three kids and we pay over $30,000 a year for daycare, and that's just the tuition. This is not your parents time - it's different out there now.
6.) This one got me the most - how independent/selfish/lazy are you... really. I'm what I considered to be a relatively well adjusted only child. I'm used to my space, my own time, being independent. I'm also pretty lazy. When I come home on a weekday, I like to rest, watch a lot of tv, hang out. When I had kids, it was a HUGE change. Someone needs you all the damn time, it is UNRELENTING. You never have your own anything anymore. You spend almost all of your waking time that your children are there tending to your childrens' needs. You beat yourself up for not being good enough at it, for being pissed about how miserable it is sometimes. For hating it. You will hate it sometimes. You need to very very very seriously consider your stamina for caring for others and putting everyone else before yourself. All the time.
Don't make these jokes.
GiphyMy mother made it clear to my sister and I that she hadn't wanted us, that I was the product of my dad's unrelenting badgering and that my sister had been an ooops. She wasn't a good mom, at all. She screamed about everything, you never knew what would set her off, my parents divorced and we went on to be raised by my stepmom (not without her faults but she's a saint)- this woman didn't technically want us either, she hadn't chosen to get pregnant with us but she treated us just like her own. She planned (and paid for, with my dad) my wedding.
Things got better and my real mom is a good grandma now but let me tell you- hearing you're not wanted as a child, even in passing, even "as a joke" can shape someone's entire life and self worth. If this is you parents, don't you dare ever say it where they can hear you.
That's a messed-up family.
I always knew from a young age that I didn't want children. My family is all very strict Catholic Hispanics and basically picked who I was going to marry from a young age. Fortunately I liked the guy so we did end up married at 19.
I was very honest about not wanting kids. He was okay with that. Our families were not. I ended up pregnant even though I was taking birth control (more on that in a minute). Didn't noticed the missed periods because the type of birth control I took let you skip periods.
By the time I knew I was pregnant I was 5 months along which is too late for an abortion.
Had the baby, found out while in the hospital I ended up pregnant because our families ordered fake birth control online and replaced my pills with the fakes.
Needless to say my husband and I were pissed. I also had horrific postpartum depression but did the best I could. My husband took up drinking heavily to deal with the stress and one day he just never came home. Haven't heard from him since.
The baby was still an infant at that point (4 months) and I made the decision to put her up for adoption and move away.
Everyone says it's different when it's your own kid. Everyone says the first time you hold your baby you have an instant bond. Everyone says it's the most amazing/important thing a woman will ever do. None of that was true for me.
I'm in my mid 30s now and my daughter and her family made contact with me about 7 years ago. We talk regularly and I go visit for her birthday and some holidays. She knows the whole story and while I'm sure she doesn't really understand (she's only 13) she at least gets it a little.
If you know you don't want children, and have never wanted children, don't listen to people who tell you that you're wrong and will change your mind.
I'm trying to get my tubes tied to make sure it never happens again but haven't had luck finding a doctor whose willing to since I'm unmarried and under 40. Filled for divorce years ago and since nobody could find him it went through the same way it does for a missing person. We really need to stop acting like women don't understand their own bodies and wants.
It can ruin relationships.
This f*cking dilemma destroyed my relationship with what I considered to be "the one", she wanted kids, I didn't. I decided to break up with her. It's better than regretting having kids, but the last time I felt genuinely happy was 3 years ago and that also sucks a lot.
A good point.
GiphyDon't have kids when you struggle with mental illness.
I upvoted this, because my depression is one of the main reasons I choose to not have them. I don't think I can handle the stress while going through non functioning times nor would I want them to inherit the gene.
Maturity is everything.
My only regret about having kids is that I wasn't mature enough to handle that type of responsibility.
When my first came, I was determined that I can handle whatever comes our way, I was wrong, I was selfish and stressed my wife out a lot. I didn't want to spend any time with anyone else besides myself and became an alcoholic. I was really sad all the time, and was feeling a lot of negative emotions about my social group, my plans for the future, everything seemed to be out of reach. My wife and I argued a lot, but always worked things out for the sake that neither of us wanted our children in a separated family.
When the second one came, I had stopped drinking as much, and spent a lot of time working and saving money. I missed a lot of the milestones for both my children. It made me feel like I was alone and I felt like a terrible father, and felt a distance growing in my relationship with my wife. At some points I deeply resented the 3 of them, and I thought about leaving on more than one occasion for various situations we were in.
I eventually hit a point where I felt my soul being crushed, and I figured, "it's fine, whatever, I can be miserable as long as they're happy". And I stayed that way for a good 2 years.
Gradually I started to bond with my kids again, and just stuck around for them. Then I started bonding with my wife again. Now our family is functioning on all fronts.
It took 6 years for me to grow up and become a better father and husband...I regret that it took so long, and feel ashamed of how I screwed up at the beginning.
My first doesn't like me as much as my second, and my relationship with my wife is nothing like it was before having kids.
I wish I had known how kids not only change your perspective, they also change your future, and the relationships you have with others. If you try to fight it, you will lose in one way or another. Selfishness is a quality which only makes parenting harder than it has to be.
Strangest Things Seen In A Contract's Terms And Conditions | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
It's exhausting.
For anyone now childless and is on the fence about having kids... if you have doubts, having kids is not for you.
I have 3 kids. I've always wanted kids. I love my kids dearly and wouldn't change a thing... but they are a F*CK TON of work and as exhausting as you could ever imagine.
Parenting sucks the life out of you.. but it's also amazing and rewarding. IMO, you should only have them if you know for certain that you really, really want them.
This happens a lot.
GiphyI don't regret having them, but I'm not as great at being a mum as I thought I would be. My kids are still every bit as huge arseholes as all other kids. And I do all the lazy bad parenting things I swore I wouldn't do.
I think I just wished I had been more realistic so I didn't feel like such a let down.
The identity crisis is real.
Everything about babies and children and pregnancy. Last time I was near an infant I was 5 years old and it was my baby brother.
Also, other women don't warn you. The whole time I was pregnant they would just congratulate me and tell me how excited, happy, and fulfilled I must be.
Parenthood sucks. There's no you anymore, only mommy or daddy. You have a identity crisis because you literally lose yourself in taking care of the child and responsibilities. Three years later I'm still struggling with post partum depression, it's not like how they explain it on the internet. "Give it time for the hormones to regulate". No.
Always worried.
I feel awful saying I regret my kids. They're here and teens now. It's pure selfishness on my part. Now that they're nearly 17 and 15, I find myself super scared about their safety and future and the stress is hard on me. I worry about them driving, I worry about them dating, going off to college, living independently, etc. I just don't want them to be in danger or get hurt and the worry is weighing heavily on me.
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People Share The Most Disturbing Theories About Disney Movies They've Ever Come Across
Disney films hold a special place in people's hearts.
Iconic animated films like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Peter Pan have transcended time and continue to enchant new generations while contemporary classics like Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin revived the genre when Disney struggled through an uninspired transition during rough economic times.
All of these films regardless of the decade in which they dazzled moviegoers have one thing in common. They inspire hope through the empowering message that the love of family and friends endure in even the toughest of times.
But underneath all the magic, dreams coming true, and happily ever afters, some plot points may have been more sinister than the conflicts presented to our beloved protagonists in the final cut.
Fans have explored fascinating theories that may have driven the storyline that was absent from the animators' storyboards.
To hear some examples of these, Redditor Marquis_de_Skiatook asked:
"What’s the most disturbing Disney movie theory?"
Identities of certain characters were explored.
The Sales Pitch
"The merchant at the beginning of Aladdin is just making up the story, as he is just trying to sell you a lamp, which is crazy because the Dead Sea Tupperware was a better deal."
– PompeyMagnus1
Who Fired The Shot?
"Bambi's mom wasn't just killed by a hunter. She was killed by a poacher."
"There's a hunting scene right before winter where the whole family escapes. That was hunting season. You don't hear a single gunshot during the winter because it's off season. Bambi's mom was killed in early spring by a poacher."
– lllSnowmanlll
The Little Teacup
"There's a line in Be Our Guest that specifies '10 years we've been rusting...' meaning they've been enchanted for 10 years at that point. Chip is pretty clearly well under 10 when they break the spell and he becomes human. Which means that either the spell also froze their ages in time, or the teapot version of Mrs. Potts both conceived a teacup child (with who/what?!) and gave birth at some point."
"Also, there was a cupboard full of teacup children that weren't given names that also appeared to be under Mrs. Potts's care. What's the deal with those kids?!"
– killebrew_rootbeer
These films may need PG-rated prequels.
Child Was Suspect
"Lilo is responsible for her parents death because she failed to bring pudge the fish a sandwich."
– monorail_pilot
An Egg-cellent Theory
"Gaston was responsible for single-handedly supporting the egg industry of Southern France based on the amount of eggs he consumed, and his death caused a minor economic depression."
– BabaYagaOfKaliYuga
Woody's Original Owner
"Woody is Andy’s fathers old toy and it’s the only thing he has to remember him."
– ptepfenhart
Some Disney films may have war commentaries.
A Duck's Origins
"My favorite is Donald Duck being a WW2 vet. Donald is responsible for single-handedly taking an island from the Japanese, but the experience gave him serious PTSD and that's why he acts the way he does. The Department of Defense officially issued him an honorable discharge in 1984, meaning he retired as well."
– No_Improvement7573
Quacked Up History
"this was canon that Donald duck was a sailor but US naval fleet. But not many people know he was also Airborne or a para-marine."
"thats entirely his gimmick from the disney war propaganda videos."
"being in the marines at the time meaning donald duck would've seen pearl harbor from the hawaiian training videos all the way to the dolittle raids which is why he also knows how to fly a plane in the event if the pilot gets shot dead."
"donald duck was an airman in the pacific theater and took over entire japanese gun nests. Due to the time of the video(Commando Duck), the layout on the map and very much the actual role donald duck was a paratrooper in Guadalcanal."
"Donald duck wasn't a reservist or a volunteer since he was drafted so very much he fought all this mostly against his will. So it questions me why we would be there untl discharged in 1984."
"basically there is proof that everything that the previous person said is 100% true by overlooking two videos. Commando Duck 'Donald Duck vs Japan' and Donald Duck gets drafted as the release timing of both videos would match up the which battled and what unit Donald Duck would've fought in canonly. Based on merit he probably retired as a sergeant or e-5 rank. i did too much research."
"Its safe to say that Donald Duck was a paratrooper serving the 11th Airborne division n the battle of Guadalcanal. No only that he served in Guadalcanal but the timing itself means that Donald Duck served in Midway, Coral Sea, Pearl Harbor, Papa New Guinea, and the Philippines, Palau, Okinawa and based on the timing of the US fleet naval movements and as well as the history of the unit. Donald Duck probably seens some of the worst losses in US history and slept under the constant nightmare of a Japanese Air raid, death camps, jungle combat. It is also possible he saw combat in the Korean war since the same unit was posted for Korea but because he wasn't discharged until 1984 its save to say hes been in combat until Vietnam."
– ghigoli
Post-Apocalyptic World
"Cars takes place long after a war where the sapient machines wiped out their human creators."
– brak-0666
Vehicular Genocide
"Cars has a cars pope. Christianity is canon in the cars universe. This meaning there was also a cars Jesus who suffered a cars crucifixion."
"Furthermore the Jeep character is actually canonized as a WW2 veteran. There was a cars WW2 this meaning there was also a cars Hitler who killed scores of presumably Jewish cars."
– funkyjiveturkey
While many of these examples have not been officially substantiated by Disney, they sure do add another level that heightens the stakes for challenges faced by our favorite characters.
But one thing is certain.
You may never look at some of these classics the same way again.
There are few feelings more disappointing than revisiting a place you loved going to as a child, or finding a food you used to love to eat, only to discover that it isn't quite as wonderful as you remember.
While it's easy to chalk this up to no longer having your childhood naivité, your outgrowing it might not be what's behind the apparent decline in quality.
Instead, what could have very well happened is that the people behind the upkeep or the quality control have been asleep at the wheel, and thus what was, in fact magical, during your childhood is anything but now that you've grown up.
From amusement parks to candy bars, there are countless things that have gone from being a "must have" or "must visit", to something you find yourself avoiding at all costs.
"Redditor Unfair-Independent48 was curious to hear all the things people think have seen a sizable decline in quality with each passing year, leading them to ask:
"What's a product that's gotten significantly worse over the years?"
A Casualty Of Online Shopping...
"Outlet malls."
"It used to be a place where you could find designer stuff for cheaper, but now most of it is just crappier stuff made specifically for the outlet."- tickingkitty
Those Celebrity Colnols Aren't Fooling Anyone...
"KFC."- Oryx
Almost All Natural...
Breyer's ice cream."
"It used to be really good quality, and they'd advertise how it was made with only a few natural ingredients."
"Now most of their stuff is 'frozen dairy desserts' because they can't legally call it 'ice cream' anymore, and it all tastes like garbage'."- Doctor_Juris
When Your Sofa Is The Last Place You Want To Recline...
"Furniture."
"Everything used to be solid wood."
"Now it’s all paperboard."- gonewildecat
New Technology Has Such A Short Shelf-Life
"Almost every household appliance."
"Sh*t used to be built to last for 4 f*cking generations, man."
"My grandma's old fridge from the 60's is still running like a champ out in my garage."
"Thing is built like a tank and gives no f*cks about the long march of time."
"These days you'll be lucky to get 5 years out of some appliances you buy, and good luck getting any warranty service if you even approach one with a screwdriver in an attempt to fix it yourself."- buddypalamigo25
comic power rangers GIF by Paul WindleGiphyTorn Jeans Are So Passé
"Jeans."
"I have GAP jeans, from when I was 14, that are in great shape."
"Meanwhile, I’ll buy overpriced designer sh*t today and I’m lucky if it lasts 2 years."
"Why is everything so THIN?"- Brewnonono
Don't Ignore The Fine Print...
"Turbo Tax."
"The fees to file basic taxes is crazy."
"Free Tax USA is much better and I wish more people knew about it."- Action3xpress
Some Places Photograph Much Better Than They Actually Look...
"Airbnb."- Imboredboredbored
You Can't Manufacture Chemistry
"Tinder and dating apps in general."- justadudenameddave
Sure, The Screen Is Huge, But How Do You Turn It Off?!?!
"The lack of buttons that tv's have these days. I hate it."- Responsible-Sail1921
GiphyThe Fall Of The Big Red Roof...
"Pizza Hut was the place to be when I was a kid in the 80's."
"The buffet."
"The personal pan pizzas paid for with Book-it."
"Pitchers of pop drank from those weird red cups that no longer exist."
"Dig Dug, Galaga, and Centipede."
"The last time I ate at Pizza Hut was about 15 years ago."
"Stopped at on when we were driving out to Colorado Springs."
"So pointless."
"Nothing special about it."
"It didn't even have the decency to be bad."
"It just had no anima."
"No spirit."
"No Galaga."- mostlygray
pizza hut GIFGiphyQuality control is difficult, and some things sadly just aren't sustainable.
This doesn't make it any less disappointing when you bite into a personal deep-dish pizza, and the taste sensation is anything but what you remembered as a child.
Things that go bump in the night.
Creepy crawlers lurking everywhere.
True crime stories on TV.
Life is constantly trying to freak us out.
Let's talk about it.
Nobody is sleeping anyway.
Redditor Galactic_Blueberry1 wanted everyone to share the weird oddities that keep us concerned with life, so they asked:
"Reddit, what is the most eerie thing that's ever happened to you?"
Being creeped out in life is part of living.
There should be a warning.
Coincidence?
twins GIF by Soul TrainGiphy"I once met the same set of twins in the same day. One after the other. One at a library and then another at the mall."
willywonkerbonker
Normal
"I’m a medic and firefighter. We once had a call for something normal, like chest pain or something, I can’t remember. The caller said he was in his barn/garage, which isn’t weird really around here. Anyway, we pull up on the scene and something just felt off. No idea why but something just told me in my gut that something was wrong."
"I decided to do a 360 around the building before we went through the door at the front that was clearly the entrance. I walk around and come to a window on the side of the building and look in. There was a shotgun rigged to the door. The guy had set a booby trap for us. And he had hung himself as well."
"We kicked in this plexiglass-type material on the side of the building and entered that way. Guy was dead. Nothing we could do about it at that point. I would have been the first through that door. No idea why I didn’t just walk through it that day. I’ve posted this before but I feel it’s a decent story."
pokemon-g**gbang
Talk to the Neighbor
"I was driving home per usual and got this random, unwavering feeling that my house had been broken into. I kind of laughed and said 'Please don’t let my house have actually been broken into' out loud as I turned the corner onto my street. The first thing I noticed when I pulled up to the house were the blinds on my bedroom window. They were yanked around and twisted up."
"Some guy that lives across the street turned out to have been stalking me and decided to climb through my bedroom window. He took nothing valuable. Just some weird personal items. It was terrifying to walk in and see my things rummaged through. It was even scarier when I talked to the neighbor and they admitted that multiple people in the neighborhood had seen it happen."
"But they were all too scared of ol’ dude to say anything. The weirdest part of it all (and I mean this guy took some creepy personal things) is that nagging feeling I had before I found the remnants of the break-in. I swear I knew before I knew, and that was such an eerie feeling."
No_Sense_7384
'Hey! What are you doing out here?'
"This happened last year. I was having a recurring dream where I was in the woods at night. I noticed a campfire in the distance. Whoever was sitting at the fire noticed me and yells out 'Hey! What are you doing out here?' and starts moving towards me until I wake up."
"Late last summer I decided to go out to the woods for a hike. Once I got out there, I needed to pee. I hopped off of the trail to get closer to the creek so I could take care of business and not worry about anyone walking up on me."
"As I approached the creek, I see a hidden shelter and a man setting up a campfire. When he noticed me, he said "Hey! What are you doing out here?' Nothing else happened. I apologized and went on my way. It was the only time in my life that I had dreams of an event before it happened. I was pretty shook at the time."
Imahorrible_person
Very Weird
The Kid Mero Showtime GIF by Desus & MeroGiphy"One time my husband and I were lying in bed and the bottom drawer to his nightstand slammed shut. There was no logical explanation for why that happened and we still don’t understand to this day! I should clarify that we were both awake when this happened."
"We were just lying there reading and playing on our phones and we both heard the drawer shut clear as day! My husband has a habit of keeping his lower drawer open and we looked over and it was closed. Very weird!"
mrsjay717
Things that go bump in the night.
NO THANK YOU!!
Jump Out
Rain Storming GIF by reactionseditorGiphy"During a severe thunder/lightning storm one night, I was alone in the cathedral - high up in the loft above the nave practicing the large pipe organ for a forthcoming recital."
"The flashing lightning illuminated the stained glass around the pipes with such intensity that it made the biblical characters seem to 'jump out' of the windows and remain suspended in mid-air all around me (as if they had somehow come to life)."
Back2Bach
Oh Grandma...
"When I was in middle school, I used to spend my free time playing on my Gameboy or listening to CDs in my room. It was a three-family house. Most of my family, including my parents, sister, and I, lived on the top floor, while my grandmother lived alone on the second floor."
"My grandma used to take care of my sister and me while my parents were at work. She would frequently walk up the stairs at least twice a day to check on us. She wore loud wooden slippers in the house, so we could always hear her walking around on her floor and especially when she was coming upstairs."
"One weekend while I was alone at home with my grandma, I was sitting on my bed playing my Gameboy when I heard my grandma's unmistakable footsteps coming up the stairs. I heard her walking down the hallway and stopping in front of my door. I looked up to meet her gaze, but there was no one there. I felt startled and ran out of my room to check the hallway, kitchen, and stairs, but I couldn't find anyone else upstairs beside me. I found my grandma sitting downstairs on the couch watching television."
lovelybliss
In Dreams
"I had one of those dreams that you couldn't wake up from. I knew I was asleep and I was aware but I couldn't wake up. I was absolutely terrified thinking that I was stuck in a coma or something. I had a gun with me for some reason and as the terror of not being able to wake up grew I for some reason had a thought and belief that if I killed myself in the dream I would die in real life and that that was a better alternative than being in a coma. So I brought the gun to my head and pulled the trigger. I physically felt pain in my temple and heard the shot. I woke up right afterward."
StraightsJacket
What did he hear?
"My ex and I lived in a remote part of Northern Nevada. The house was literally in the middle of a field and our neighbors were far away. He worked nights and I never liked how dark and quiet it was. On the night he was working, I fell asleep and had a dream about him. In the dream, he was standing on the edge of a cliff (like the Grand Canyon), looking out at the view."
"I tried many times to get his attention but he wouldn't acknowledge me. He was just staring straight ahead. After ignoring me for a while, he abruptly turned to me and grabbed the outside of my arms firmly. His face looked panicked and he said, '(name), there's somebody in the house.'"
"Like the movies, my eyes shot open and I woke up with my blood running cold. I lay in bed silently, listening for any sound. I was even more terrified when the dog woke up almost immediately, started barking, and ran out his dog door, into the yard. What did he hear?"
"I never saw or heard anything out of place. I couldn't see anything outside in the dark. The dog came back in and fell asleep. I stayed up the rest of the night, totally creeped out."
bae_guevara_
Outside my Body
Shirley Manson Transformation GIF by GarbageGiphy"I was walking to a college class and felt as if I'd suddenly stepped outside of my body and was watching myself move around like a puppeteer."
"It lasted for about 10 minutes while I called a parent to ground myself to reality. Happened again the next week for a smaller amount of time. I'm guessing it was some kind of stress-induced disassociation episode since it was midterms season and my first semester away from home."
I_Ace_English
College can drive anyone to insanity.
An always out of body experience.
While dating can be a wonderful experience, it can also be unnecessarily complicated and not all it's cracked up to be.
For some, it's simply easier to remain single and independent, rather than to be left guessing by a potential partner.
Redditor chewysnacc asked:
"What is stopping you from getting a partner right now?"
Lack of Communication
"It kinda seems like everyone I meet and am interested in is already dating/in a situation with someone. I get plenty of connections on dating apps but they usually just stop replying."
- TwoChaptersIn
Missed Opportunities
"I’m too shy and don’t meet new people. My life is a cycle of waking up, university, sleep, and when I get opportunities, I don’t take them."
- Arcofly
Grief Takes a Toll
"I just lost my wife after years of illness and have no desire for another relationship."
- gtnair
"It's been four years now since her death after a three and a half year fight that she put up. We spent 12 years together and I still just can't bring myself to really go out there again when all I want is her back."
- Anunnaki2522
Feeling Unworthy
"Being a 62-year-old dishwasher with no money."
- thomas4004
"I met my current partner while I was a dishwasher. There are people out there for everyone. Don't focus on what you don't have."
- JustwantedAUsername
In Need of a Solo Journey
"I'm just not ready for one. The biggest reason is laziness, probably."
"The idea of being in a relationship is way more appealing than the actual responsibilities involved in my current stage. Relationships take work, and I'm not gonna just half-a** it like an a**hole when I can't guarantee that I'd fully commit."
"I'd just be wasting somebody's time and that's not fair to them. Plus, there are plenty of things that I'm already not putting enough time into that are way more pressing.""
- PEEWUN
"Yeah. I hear this."
"It’s not necessarily that I’m too lazy to get into a relationship and be with someone. Instead, after six months, I start becoming 'lazy' and want to do my own things by myself waaaaay more frequently, and it’s pushed every girl I’ve been with away."
"I’m probably destined to remain single. However, I’ve become entirely content with that. Sometimes I do miss having a partner and the advantages of having a partner, but those reasons are purely selfish on my own part."
"Partly blame being an only child with parents that both worked 60+ hours a week. I’m far from upset by it though. Instead, I cherish the fact that I can be nearly 100% content being alone."
- Blacksheepoftheworld
Self-Improvement Era
"Just got out of a toxic relationship where we both played our part in being toxic. I‘m currently working on myself so it doesn’t happen in my next relationship again."
- Crounty
"I'm working on myself. I'm in no position to date anybody and have nothing substantial to give another person right now. I need everything I have to fix me."
- scienceforbid
Procrastination: The Dating Edition
"Pragmatically speaking? Nothing really, maybe some internalized form of procrastination?"
"I keep myself decently well-maintained mentally, emotionally, and physically. Career-wise/professionally, I've built myself up as a pretty well-rounded person and although I've still got a ways to go, I'm decently stable with my currently established work-life balance."
"And I'm also a decently well-socialized person who interacts well with the public, can hold a conversation, and is decent at paying attention to social cues and body language."
"If I actually tried to get into the dating game, I'm decently confident that I could do okay for myself and my partner; but I guess I just haven't had a reason to actually take that initiative step..."
- mythrilcrafter
The Introvert Has Entered the Chat
"My pathetic social battery and conversational skills."
- Capt-N3M0
Updated Priorities
"I'm divorced with a three-year-old boy in my mid-30s."
"It’s a minefield out here, and my threshold for nonsense is way lower than my threshold for loneliness."
- ChickensPickins
Ableist Thinking
"My wheelchair. I’m completely self-sufficient and independent. I’m a moderately attractive 29-year-old male, I’m in good shape and have a very active and athletic background."
"Girls simply won’t look past it and treat me like a human. I don’t identify as a wheelchair or as disabled, I identify as human, treat me like one."
- DocShaayy
Wrong Place, Wrong Time
"I don't go to places where it is socially acceptable to approach women often. I hate loud a** clubs, don't go to many concerts, and really don't go to bars much. I don't really have a friend group, either. Even when I do go, I don't even know how to do it. I can talk to them, but that never goes anywhere."
- HooterEnthusiast
Prioritizing Trust
"Just some trust issues and with no one around me who is genuinely interested in getting a long-lasting relationship."
- lilac_skyy
Dating in Real-Time
"Maybe it's just not the right time for me."
- common_Database_1322
"Sitcoms and tv/social make everything appear like it happens fast."
"Time in real life is an important factor."
"'Right Now' only works for people who have the privilege to choose and we all know if you have the privilege to choose, you have the power to wait."
"Life is crazy."
- typesett
Social Cues
"I am a high functioning Autistic and have issues interacting with strangers. My looks are good enough to get dates with women I find attractive, but they are generally put off by my lack of eye contact and I'm unable to tell if they like me or not."
"I've actually botched quite a few dates where I thought they weren't into me, but I thought we'd make good friends so I stated so. They stopped talking to me after that."
- MrStealYoBichonFrise
A New Season in Life
"Just got out of a marriage with someone I’ve spent 12 years with. I’m starting to enjoy my new freedom. I get to do what I want when I want. I don’t have to worry about explaining any purchases. I’ve been able to give up weed since I’m not around her."
"Even though it was a traumatic experience initially, I’m starting to thrive and my friends and family have noticed a difference in my attitude and anxiety. Even though she was a big part of my life and I still feel love for her, it’s becoming clear that our time together has come to an end. We were what we needed for that season in life."
"Plus I got an awesome kid out of it."
- No_Key_6276
This conversation was a great reminder of how similar we all are, in the sense of experiencing insecurities and living through parts of our lives when it's more important to work on ourselves than to develop a new relationship.
But there was hope in these responses, as well. Most of these reasons are temporary, but even if they are long-lasting, there are others who have managed to date under those same conditions.