"Don't touch me or my skin!" is a legendary battle cry in my family, courtesy of a frustrated and dramatic then-three-year-old.
She wanted to be picked up and cuddled, but also not touched in any way shape or form.
Honestly - same, fam.
Like... it's impossible but also I totally get it.
Reddit user NoLifeNoSoulNoMatter asked:
"Parents of toddlers, what was today’s meltdown-worthy tragedy?"
Buckle up, friends.
Toddlers are a wild and confusing ride.
Going Bananas
"He asked me to open the banana but he didn't get to open it himself"
- kooror
"This is why I just slightly open it and then give it to them to finish the job. Took me many MANY breakdowns to figure it out."
- CinderRebel
"This one is the worst. 'I can’t open it. Dad you do it'. I open it. 'Why did you doooo that?! I waaaanted to oooooopen it!!!!'."
- sojuandbbq
"Lmao I feel so seen right now"
- J33P88
"This. Mine says 'No, my turn!!' God forbid you don’t let her do the thing. Which is normally just closing a drawer or something mundane."
- AmericanKamikaze
GiphyBox Head
"He wants to put a box on my head but it's broken and keeps falling off. So apparently it's ruining his play time."
- Ccaster0620
"How dare you"
- AzureBluet
"I mean my playtime would definitely be ruined if my mommy's head kept falling off."
- Ordinary-Greedy
Ah Yes The Terrible 22's
"Took the car down to the body shop to get the side panel that he crunched buffed out. The car won't be ready until Wednesday but he wanted to go back downtown to party with his roommates tonight. He's 22."
- optiongeek
"Ah the terrible twenty-twos! Hopefully he grows out of it soon!"
- BlueJeanMistress
"So, you’re telling the rest of us that the whining never stops. Thanks. Haha"
- sojuandbbq
"He's a great kid and we're very lucky. But yeah, the whining never really stops."
- optiongeek
There Was A List
"First: his dad left for work. Second: he dumped out the box of goldfish crackers. Third: I picked up the goldfish crackers. Fourth: it wasn’t the right episode of Paw Patrol. Fifth: I won’t let him eat shoes."
- Autumn_Tea95
"Wow that last one is just plain rude of you."
- BlabBehavior
"Oh, don’t you love it when they want the second part of the show and you have no idea which one it is because they only list the first part?"
- Fallwalking
Giphy
So Jealous
"My husband kissed me and apparently he is only allowed to show her affection. There was a lot of screaming and forcibly pulling us apart."
- turtchel
"My toddle is like this but the reverse. He fully believes I am his woman."
- J33P88
"(Nods in Sigmund Freud)"
- Levitatethemic
"Yep. From what I remember It takes a while to understand the concept that affection is not a finite thing"
- Daggerfont
We Get This One
"She wasn't on the couch with her bottle and teddy bear."
"But actually, she was, but things weren't right"
- BronzeAgeTea
"I mean to be fair how many of us are guilty of this? Or like when I get my food and blankies and become ensconced and then Netflix won’t play what I want or the remote is out of reach?"
- Munneh
"The worst is settling in with blankets and snacks only to realize the remote is out of reach. Ugh! I have to get up now?!"
- MountainHighOnLife
"Aw bless. She just doesn't know how to explain how she feels."
- PrawnCocktailWotsits
"So far she's communicating 'eat', 'more', and 'banana'. We're slowly working our way up to the fung shui of the couch haha"
- BronzeAgeTea
Those Two Are Tough Ones
"The cat was touching his toy. The toy HE threw onto the cat..."
"He also had a meltdown because his leg was attached to him..."
- Boogzcorp
"Ok I need more information on the leg"
- RepresentativePin162
"We were driving along, all of a sudden from the back seat he starts crying and what not."
"I can't get it off!"
"What?"
" 'My leg!' queue him pulling at his leg through fits of tears..."
- Boogzcorp
My Poop!
"I flushed his poop and can’t get it back and now he can’t poop again."
- peachandscream
"This one. I still love to embarrass my 15 year old by bringing it up. His dad flushed the toilet after he peed when he was maybe 3 or 4 years old. It was just before bedtime. Oh the heartbroken tears coz 'daddy flushed my wee'. Told him to go again. 'I don't have soooooome', was the wailed answer"
- Objective_Sink5398
"I love this, but want to add to it- my kid is convinced the toilet can’t handle his poop. I’ve shown him how the toilet works, I’ve explained the entire sewage processing system to him several times, but he’s not going for it."
"I thought the answer would be to show him 'dad’s poop going down', so I asked his dad to 'save' a poop to flush with him watching.Dad sent a text, I sent my kid up, and seconds later I hear traumatic crying. Kid came running downstairs crying about daddy’s 'massive' poop, (my kid loves the word massive, but is good at using it in proper context), and I think we’re a good 3 months before he’ll even try pooping in the potty again."
- Perfect_Orchid2984
GiphyI Have Rights
"Watched my 3 year old niece. Apparently not letting her eat cat treats is a violation of her civil rights"
- LanguageResident
"I've sharpened my pitchfork & lit my torch. You are obviously a monster."
- JustHereForCookies17
"Talked to my pediatrician because my child kept eating the cat's food. (Elderly cat, tall toddler, really couldn't put the food up higher.) He suggested we switch to a moister food so my kid wouldn't choke."
- mel2mdl
"Let her eat them. They won't harm her."
- Sacu_Shi_again
GiphyLet's be honest—they're a lot more relatable than we'd like to admit.
- Daycare Workers Reveal The Most Surprising Family Secrets Kids ... ›
- Parents Share The Most Ridiculous Reason Their Child Had A ... ›
- Parents Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized Their Kids ... ›
- Parents Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized Their Kids ... ›
- How to Deal with Toddler Temper Tantrums ›
- Why Do Kids Have Tantrums and Meltdowns? - Child Mind Institute ›
- 7 Simple Steps to Dealing with Two Year Old's Temper Tantrums ›
- Temper tantrums in toddlers: How to keep the peace - Mayo Clinic ›
- Toddlers, Meltdowns and Brain Development: Why Parents Need to ... ›
A recently deleted Redditor wanted to compare notes on parents, so they asked:
"What screams 'I’m a terrible parent?'"
I can't tell anyone how to be a parent.
But I have a few ideas on how to make a few tweaks.
recording homer simpson GIF"I'm SUPER fascinated in finding out how this generation of kids who are growing up with cameras in their faces turn out. Seeing as generations tend to do the opposite of how their parents raised them, it’d be funny if the babies born now, completely revolt against all things social media 😅."
WildflowerChickpea
Just Say It!
"Not saying sorry to your kid when you are in the wrong or made a mistake."
SuvenPan
"I used to struggle with this. I became so used to excusing my existence that I became habitually defensive. Admitting that I’m wrong is still a conscious effort for me."
"For my children, I try to model being magnanimous when getting something wrong; if they correct me and they’re obviously right, whether it be with discipline or information, I try to go out of my way to say I was wrong and thank them for telling me. I think I’m doing better? Hard to tell."
darklightner11
Crap Talk
"Talking crap about your ex in front of your kid."
Material_Ambition_95
"There was this woman who would rant about her ex-husband in front of her kids all. the. time. and their faces would look so sad and hurt. You may hate that man but your kids have part of his DNA and they take everything you say to heart. It's a poisonous and manipulative thing to do."
Antidote_to_Chaos
"Adding to that, telling your kid about the 2 fraudulent lawsuits you’re creating against their other parent. And telling them how you’re going to hire a private investigator against the other parent. All while ignoring the child when they tell you 'Don’t talk to me about -other parent- you’re making me uncomfortable.'"
Fluffy-kitten28
That's Funny?
"Filming your child trying to mock them only because 'it's funny' when it's clearly uncomfortable for them, and then post the video on the internet."
arrastre
"I was an assistant manager at Spirit Halloween a couple of years ago and there was a couple there who filmed their clearly terrified young child screaming and crying at the animatronics, and they laughed. It hurt my heart."
carlykerfuffle
"Those videos of kids happily sitting down to blow out birthday candles, and then a pr*ck slams their face in the cake. WTF."
jpr_jpr
Bye Bye Bye
Sport Soccer GIF by Real MadridGiphy"If their kids are older, and want nothing to do with them."
spicy-bae
"Mom screams at me to move out and never talk to her again if she is such a bad mother. I move out and never talk to her again. Surprised Pikachu face."
No_Scale7584
No communication between adult kids and parents, speaks volumes.
Listen Again
No Way Wtf GIF by HarlemGiphy"Defending every action/behavior of your kid without hearing the other party's side. It's obviously natural and important to listen to your child, but you should not be disregarding the fact that your kid can make mistakes and is not perfect."
LeonLunaLola
"Or, for that matter, believing every story you hear about your child, no matter how outlandish it may be."
notthesedays
It's YOU
"When you use your kids as emotional support figures or use them to cover your own irresponsibility. You had a 20-year head-start on your kid, yet they're already more responsible and mature."
Osteo-Malaka-cia
"I just got the image of my dad in my head while reading this. No wonder why I don't pick up that f**ker's phone call. It's unbelievable how someone over 50 y/o can have the financial responsibility of an 8-year-old in a candy shop."
Zahard_Zj
Rude
"Trying to gossip with one of your children about the other one."
LennaPine
"My mother did this with all of her children - me, my sister, and our two older half-brothers from my mom's prior marriages. Before I cut contact with her, she'd call me and would bash my sister for 15-20 minutes."
"Or she'd talk sh*t about one of my older brothers and their wives/children. My sister would mention to me how our mom talked sh*t about me while on a call, etc."
"It's because of that; none of us siblings really communicate with or trust each other. We either fully cut contact with our mom or severely minimized contact."
shaoting
Are You Serious?
"An idiotic name (circa AITA Krxtxl) or anything similar. Any parent I’ve ever seen who does this crap treats their kid like an accessory. iPad/phone parents. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against screen time but there has to be some boundary) I had a child in my last preschool class who literally ONLY spoke in YouTube quotes or video intro styles."
"I had to have him at age 4 permanently removed from my class for hockey fighting a kid and screaming 'It’s a prank f***er.' So yeah... there’s been a lot of varying degrees of screen obsession but that was one of the worst. That and the kid who hit my co-teacher in the face with a poop-filled hand for putting the iPads away for lunchtime."
Sea-Butterscotch383
No Excuses
No Way Smh GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"Parents not punishing their kids. All kids are different and some things might not work but if your child is actively disrespecting a teacher or physically hurting another person and your first thing is to make an excuse."
nope123ee
Parenting ain't easy.
No one said it was gonna be.
And sounds like some of us may need to rethink doing it.
Redditor MightGuy420x wanted to share thoughts about some of the movies that left our brains and souls puzzled, so they asked:
"What movie had you saying 'What the f**k' the most while watching?"
Movies leave me aghast more often than not.
And endings are never easy.
Last Lines
"Swiss Army Man."
JawlessRegent64
"Isn't 'What the f**k?' also the last spoken line in the film?"
frygod
daniel radcliffe GIF by A24Giphy"Yeah lol, literally. It made me laugh so hard because I'd been saying that for the entire two hours I was sitting on my couch watching it. Never saw that coming from Harry Potter, Daniel Radcliffe is a strange man lol."
JawlessRegent64
A Midnight Opening
"The most audible 'What the f**k?' I have ever heard from an entire movie theater audience was actually from Pixar."
"It was their short film Bao, I think before Incredibles 2. A woman makes a little baby out of dumpling ingredients, there is a cute montage of them together, and then she eats it without warning."
"It was a midnight opening so the audience was all adults, and yeah nobody saw that coming."
AllBadAnswers
Weird but Funny
"Sorry to Bother You."
MCPanda6969
"I saw this in theaters having absolutely no idea where it was heading (like everyone I think). I must’ve walked out to pee at exactly the wrong time, when I came back I had to double-check it was still the right theater."
drownednotgod
"I freaking love this movie and you're exactly right. There was a point I went from like 'This is a weird one, but it's funny' to 'What in the actual f**k is happening?'"
"What's even better is if you go back and watch, they led you right up until that point. They're always hinting at it, but the protagonist makes everything about him and I think that's why it just hits you out of nowhere."
JackJackensworth
Gross
"Splice."
AnotherBadPlayer
"I feel bad for introducing this movie incorrectly to some friends. I really thought it was going to be some kind of science-fiction drama. And then Adrian Brody mated with it."
ddh85
"Well, that's easy the thing he was f**king was a human-animal hybrid that he raised from birth like a daughter and was made from his girlfriend's DNA the hybrid later changes from female to male and attacks the before-mentioned girlfriend which I guess is technically its own mother."
o_MrBombastic_o
30% Out!!
"Mother!"
GreatTragedy
"We had to refund AT LEAST 30% of the admissions for this movie every day when I worked in a theater. People were leaving the cinema pissed off because of this movie."
RepresentativeName18
jennifer lawrence mother movie GIF by mother!GiphyThat movie makes no sense at all.
Someone explain it to me!
No Light
"Human centipede."
Odd_Adhesiveness4804
"When Roger Ebert reviewed this movie, he gave it zero stars, saying such a movie could exist only in a universe with no light in it whatsoever, and hence there could be no stars in his review of it."
PhuckingDuped
Over It Rose GIF by HULUGiphyJan's Story
"Abducted in Plain Sight."
sodangshedonger
"My mom actually went to school with Jan and her mom was friends with my grandma. I’ve tried to get my mom to watch the show but she has refused because 'I have already had more than enough Jan Broberg in my life.'"
"From what my mom said, I’d take everything the family claims happened (especially Jan’s story about what happened while she was kidnapped) with a grain of salt because Jan was apparently super melodramatic even before the abduction."
"That said, I found the show to be less shocking than most people because their naïveté is incredibly unsurprising for a Mormon family in a small town in the 70s."
ToBeReadOutLoud
Unconvential
"The Lobster."
awakami
"Seriously had no idea what I was getting into. A couple and a dude bailed out of the theater when I saw it."
2ndRook
"The Lobster made me realize I had an unconventional taste for films. It’s my favorite film of all time next to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I tried to make my friends watch it, and they all would bail out mid-film."
areyousureyourealive
"This. What utter f**king bats*it crazy horseshit this movie was."
Tackit286
Hey John...
"'Being John Malkovich' is just one weird thing happening after the other, giving you very little time to process it."
LoopyPro
"I got to see an advanced screening of Being John Malkovich. I knew absolutely nothing about it going in. It was the first time I was ever left so completely speechless by a movie in such a good way."
"I was already in love with the movie before the portal was even introduced. It could have just been a really weird series of set pieces revolving around those bizarre characters interacting in that weird half-floor and puppetry recitals and I would have been happy. Then it gets all metaphysical and kooky... And it did it all so perfectly."
lingh0e
Unreal
"Cats. I was just constantly saying 'What the f**k?' under my breath as I watched it in theaters. I honestly don't remember much of it. It was so incoherent in tone and execution, and weird that it just feels like a fever dream in my memory."
daddydonetomuch
Taylor Swift Dancing GIF by Cats MovieGiphySo many movie WTFs for me are about... "How did THIS find funding?!"
Thank God for vodka.
Redditor icyqueen999999 got some helpful hints after asking:
"What is a dead giveaway of a toxic relationship?"
Trust was severely lacking in these relationships.
Proof Of Fidelity
"My 57 year old colleague constantly has to send videos and pics of him working to his wife."
– LB89LB19
Speaking From Experience
"My ex always tried to make me do this. F'king obnoxious. Guess who was eventually found out to never be where he said he was and was sneaking around instead? Lol."
– AlpacaOurBags
Final Analysis
"It's not only that but if you make someone spend all their energy proving that they are faithful, they don't have the mental capacity to even consider their partner might be the unfaithful one."
– sturmeh
Submitting Detailed Records
"I found out the other week that my buddy has to send his girlfriend detailed notes with timestamps of legitimately everything he does while hanging out with the guys..."
"9:14 went down to the kitchen for a glass or water 9:15 stopped to pet the cats before heading upstairs 9:18 made it back upstairs and sat on the right side of the couch."
– rowdy_sprout
Both parties involved have to benefit from a relationship. These examples reflect ones that don't.
Path Of Least Resistance
"One partner always gets their way."
"For me, it was 'easier' to bend over backward than to deal with the whining and complaining if I stood my ground. Easier is in quotes because it was only easier in the short term - long term made life hell."
– The_Griffin_Scimitar
Mental And Physical Toll
"Fine, whatever you want, just like always, whatever you want."
"Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?"
"We saw Wicked."
"When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children."
– VaiterZen
Failure In The Long Term
"Sadly, in these sorts of relationships, the person who cares the least has the most power. You could bend over backwards trying to please the other person, and it might keep them around in the short term, but it doesn't change the fact they don't really respect you. You know in your gut that if you ever actually stood your ground on any issue instead of giving in to them, things would end there and then."
– Innalibra
It appears the love has vacated the scene a long time ago.
Talking Smack
"If someone is always talking crap about their partner whenever they are not together."
"I've seen this far too many times, it's always ended in total disaster withing a few years at most."
– ricochetpeestream
Endless Complaining
"Ugh, yup. I've listened to so many people complain about their partners and I just wonder: WHY are y'all together!? If I get a chance to talk about my bf, you can bet I'll start dishing out everything I love about him."
– MelanisticCrow
Hostility
"Lack of trust and constant fights."
– Lost-Championship914
"I once read that contempt is the #1 sign of a relationship on its deathbed. When partners don’t respect each other, it sets the stage for every other bad thing."
– PartySquirrel1
Breaking up is hard to do, as the song goes.
But when a relationship has been on the rocks and has turned unbearable to the point of resenting one another, there's no point in staying with the toxic situation.
Acknowledging the red flags and willingly staying in a miserable situation is not healthy.
There is always something, or someone, better out there.