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Kids ask the darnedest questions.


Remember being young and filled with curiosity and imagination? The world is a confusing place, and when you're a child, you can't help but to ask questions to adults to try to better understand it. But a kid's logic isn't like an adults, and sometimes a youngster's thought process can leave us grown ups dumbfounded.

Redditor u/rivergame asked parents about the craziest questions that their kids have asked them. Questions so strange, that even Google can't answer!

10. Would a dinosaur care to know about us?

"Not my child but my little cousin asked me did dinosaurs know humans could be fat"

The-Lorax99

9. You never truly know your neighbors

"I got really excited the other day when my 7yo asked me why some trees lose their leaves in the winter but 'pine trees and other spiky trees' keep theirs. I did a brief explanation about the difference between deciduous and coniferous trees and how chlorophyll is collected and stored. It went great. He immediately followed it up with, 'How do we know that some cities and houses actually have real people in them and aren't really just full of plastic cut outs that look like people?'"


SmithOfTheWild

8. If your coworkers are cool - the employee bathroom


"She asked me if employees come to their work on their off day, do they get to use the employee bathroom or the customer bathroom."

youreawizardhailley

7. When Google wins on a technicality.

Giphy

"My 4-yr-old asked me, 'How many arms does an octopus have?'

'Eight,' I replied.

'Hmm, let's ask google,' my son said, doubting the veracity of my answer.

'Fine,' I say. 'OK Google, how many arms does an octopus have?'

'Six,' she replies.

Aughhhhhhh. Thanks a lot, Google."

pip_pop_picklefish

6. But Google doesn't know everything about the animal kingdom

Giphy


"'Do caterpillars burp?'
Google had no idea."

hahahahthunk

5. She's going to love Ancestry DNA


"My niece, 5 at the time, asked me who was the first mother.. I was confused and asked 'what do you mean? Your mother's mother?' And she goes, 'no, my mother's mother had a mother, and then she had a mother too, but how far does it go, who was the first mother?'"

IndigoMinded

4. I ask this question daily


"'Come on baby, it's time to get dressed and get out of bed'

'We do this every day. Why, Mama?'

Good point, go back to bed."

Greyskiesgreeneyes

3. Pee hose



"'Mom why don't I have a pee hose like the boys?'

I laughed so hard, I couldn't come up with a legit answer."

Smec1207

2. Perhaps recycled is the best?

"My cousin who's like 4 asked me at a family gathering 'what's the best paper?'

Months ago and I'm still wondering what he meant"

Cloofwater****

1. Why isn't Spider-Man more realistic?

"My little cousin once asked why Spider-Man doesn't shoot webs out of his butt like a normal spider. I still don't have an answer for him."


MountainDou

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Image by salmerf from Pixabay

Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".

Humphr1es

We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."

Tatsukishi

Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.

Bdiz78

The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.

Gas-Blaster

That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."

Roman_Suicide_Note

This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."

Catty_wampus

​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".

Soalindie

Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".

Srakrn

It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

BerenTheBold

As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.

Lahmmom

​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".

GSavvage

In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".

Foxpawdot

It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."

Malibulobo

These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.

StrykerSeven

Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.

Perstn

I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”

KatieSedai

Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".

Angrypunishment

"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.

Rubywolf27

In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

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