Kids are weird. That's universally understood, right? If you're not sure, or haven't spent a lot of time with humanity's youngsters, glance no farther than the stories below which perfectly demonstrate how out there some kids can be.
Reddit user, u/I_1234_Myself, wanted to hear:
You Got To Love It When Children Quote The BibleGiphy
A little girl I was babysitting was slowly stirring her bowl of chocolate ice cream into mush. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied very seriously "I'm making poo-poo for God to put in people's bottoms."
As Long As You Don't Get Caught
As they were getting ready for bed, my 4 year old daughter told my wife sometimes when she's alone she whispers bad words to herself. Then she broke down and cried for over 10 minutes. We tried to tell her she's not in trouble and at least she knows not to say them to people, but if had no effect.
Expressing Love In Your Own Way
She licks my face instead of kissing my cheek. It's just something she does to only me. Everyone else gets sweet little kisses, I get licked. Shes also adamant about taking naps in boxes. She just grabs a box, lays down and falls asleep.
You Must Have A Crow Infested House!
Making scarecrows. My son went through this phase for a few months where he would make scarecrows out of his clothes and old trick-or-treat buckets. You'd go into the bathroom to find batman pjs with an elmo head or a minion in a dinosaur hoodie in the closet.
How Big Is Your Tub?
My younger son "ordered" a manatee. He saw a commercial for a manatee charity, called the number and gave them our address so they could send us a manatee. It was going to live in the tub.
There's Definitely A Stephen King Story Here
My son went through a shadow phase when he was about 5, when he first understood what they were. I walked into his bedroom because he was talking to himself. He quickly corrected me- "No mommy, im talking to shadow boy." He turned back to his shadow, got scared, and started crying. Creepiest thing he's ever done.
Sample Size: Small
My two year old kept taking his toy hammer and sticking the handle down his throat until he gagged. Multiple times. I asked what he was doing and he said. "Tasting."
As Long As They're Not Killing Each Other
Recently. I walked in on our children singing about tacos raining and acting out eating invisible tacos.
I don't f-cking know. They weren't trying to kill each other for a change so I just left them to it.
Saying Words Just A Little Wrong
Another funny/embarrassing kid story is from my aforementioned niece's older brother as a toddler. He was just under 2 years old then, and loved going w my father on any errands, just to be w Pop-Pop. This trip was to a well known home improvement store that was in a shopping center w the grocery store and a pharmacy that my father would often pitstop at for some candy or treats for the kids when they were with him. Nephew is seated in the front of the cart, and seeing them pass "the treat store" entrance to a diff store, asks "Where are we going?"
As they are in the busy front part of the store by then. Pop-pop says "First we are getting a few things at Home Depot, then we will get candy." My nephew gets all excited and starts shrieking "We're at ho-mo dee-po, we're at ho-mo dee-po!!" (My nephew had a habit of making things into two words, like cookie was "took-eee", and ketchup came out like "cap-putch")
My dad was bright red, afraid someone would take it wrong, but since it got a couple of laughs from other patrons, my nephew kept saying it for a while to get a reaction.
It's All In The Branding
packing turds into cardboard tubes with toilet paper and hiding em under the sink.
she called them "poop bombs". there was like 10 of em under there.
Did she have specific plans for them? Like, selected targets? Or just making a stock pile for "what-if" situations?
she didn't have any kind of explanation to offer. she was only like five years old.
i kind of think once she got started, she was more focused on improving her craftsmanship and building up her numbers than asking the big questions like "why am i doing this?"
"Ya live, ya learn eh."
I saw my kid, who was 4, in the back yard looking for bugs or worms. He grab something and put it in his mouth. I asked him about a few minutes later. He said he ate a worm. I laughed and asked why. He said he wanted to know what it tasted like. So I asked what did it taste like. He said it tasted like mud.
The next day I asked him if he really ate a worm. He replied "Yea" in the most defeated and embaressed way any human could. Ya live, ya learn eh.
Okay. Worms And Children Don't Mix.
I kept finding dead worms in kids pockets while doing laundry. Then i noticed that while i had him help me in the garden he would pick the worms up kiss them and put them in his pocket. He told me he does this because he loves them. I convinced them that the worms are happier in the ground, he has started putting them back on the ground after kissing them.
No Time For Old Ladies.
When my daughter was little, old ladies would come over and enthusiastically ask her simple questions. Like "what's your name?" And she would always reply in flat monotone "Birth-day-Cake". Then they'd ask another question like "Oh, well, how old are you?" And she'd say "Birth-day-Cake". They would look over at us with great concern. So annoying.
Gets A Taste Of Everything
Caught my 2 year old son licking the floor.
He seemed really into it.
My two year old licks our cars
When my son was 3 years old, we noticed the smell of burnt plastic coming from our heater vents. I called one of our friends that worked in heating and cooling and he came over. Our furnace was in our crawl space so he went down. About 15 minutes later, he asked me to hand him 3 black garbage bags through one of the vents so I did so. He came up later with 3 bags of plastic toys. I had wondered where all my sons toys were going.
I asked my son why he was putting toys down the vents. "he said mommy, there are alligators down there and if I don't feed them my toys, they will eat my sister."
Gaining Career Skills
I woke up to my five year old spraying windex on the window beside my bed, cleaning it thoroughly, then nodding at me and moving on to cleaning the windows in the next room. I still don't know what the hell was happening.
Orange As The Day You Came Into This World
Was eating cheetos on the couch with our three year old. Got up to take a leak, came back and he was naked from the waist down, back in the same spot he had been in when I left, and electric orange from taint to bellybutton.
I let him eat the rest of the bag.
His Reasons Are Sound. I Don't See The Problem.
My 5 Yr old nephew went to feed the chickens yesterday, I told him to get a hat- he came back fully naked with gumboots and a straw hat on. Apparently the last time he went to the chicken house they pecked at his junk, and he wants to show them that it's not big enough to eat yet???
Kids are weird
Ah, The Good Ol' Double Poop
We caught my sons (maybe 6 and 3 at the time) both sitting on the toilet together, one behind the other, pooping. They told us it was a double poop. We forbid them from ever doing that again.
Edit to add: For those of you who think we are terrible parents because we stopped our children from doing double poops, please know they seem to be well adjusted and appear to have no permanent damage from this incident. We have provided them with ample outlets for their creativity that do not involve poop. :)
It's Art. ART.Giphy
My youngest daughter was about 18 months old. She had, about a week before, discovered how to climb out of her own crib. Also, about a month before, she had once taken off her own diaper - not a repeat event but a one time thing.
My MIL was visiting us, and we were all slow to wake up. Around 7:30, the baby monitor alerted me that my daughter was awake, but happy and content in her crib. I let my wife sleep in, and I grabbed a quick 5 min shower before going to grab her. When I got there....
She had put the two pieces (climb out of crib, and take off diaper) together, and used them to "repaint" her room. I will never recover from the trauma of the smell.
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