It's hard to imagine your child as anything than what you've known them as. If you spend all weekend with them and they act like little monsters the entire time, you might shed a small tear for their teacher come Monday morning. However, one positively glowing parent-techer conference later you might question who your child really is.
Just like these stories from these parents below.
Reddit user, u/F-ckingCraigslist, wanted to hear when your brain broke when they asked:
Parents of Reddit, what's your best "Wait a sec... Is that my child?" moment?
Secretly Learning All The Skills
homer simpson GIFGiphyOur son's in choir, graduated high school earlier this year. He's an actor, noodles on the guitar ... a performer in general. Back in his junior year, one of his friends was graduating, and the seniors — if they want — get a solo at the final performance. So it's his friend's turn, and she has a piece to sing with our son on accompaniment.
Cool, cool, his mom and I say to each other. Must be an acoustic guitar up there on stage, and he'll play that while he sings. But, no. He sits at the piano. And then PROCEEDS TO PLAY the piano while she sings her piece. His mom and I just look at each other gobsmacked ... did you know?? Nope, no idea ... neither of us had any idea he knew how to play.
Not exactly sure how he snuck that past us; we searched his bedroom, found no hidden piano.
Ooh, Baby I Love Your Way
When my daughter's preschool teacher related to me that one day during class when her cell phone rang, all the kids wanted to know who it was. It was her husband, Peter, so the teacher said "It's Peter." The kids started having fun with that and ribbing her. They said "Is it Peter Rabbit?!" And, "Is it Peter Pan?!" And "Is it Peter Cottontail?!" The laughter subsided and then my quiet little kid chimes in with "Is it Peter Frampton?!"
Laughter Followed By Confusion
Christmas day I was playing with my kid and her new dragons and unicorns. My character asked why he couldn't see the new baby
"Because you're a d-ckhead"
Lots of laughing followed up with asking how she knew that word
Being Honest About Your Mess
My four yr old walked in her mess of a room and said, "What a sh-t show."
No question she's mine.
Yeah, Forgetting Your Child Is Definitely Up There
Put my youngest in the bassinet in the kitchen and put the other kids down for naps. When I came back in the kitchen, I started to cooked dinner. Walked by the [bassinet], and screamed because there was a baby there looking at me. Took a good 10 seconds to remember I gave birth to a third baby 4 weeks earlier. I needed more sleep.
Stepping Up To The Big Stage
season 4 singing GIFGiphyIn third grade my kid was in after school daycare that gave free guitar lessons. They held an end-of-term concert where kids got to show off what they learned.
First kid gets up. "Johnny will now play Yankee Doodle." Pluck pluck strum. Then we all clapped.
Next kid gets up. "Jimmy will play Twinkle Twinkle." Strum strum pluck. Then we all clapped.
The concert went along like this. Kid songs. Kid strumming. Obligatory claps.
My kid was last. "Buttrock Jr. will play Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne."
The whole audience kinda chuckled in a WTF manner, me included.
Kid got up there in his button-up shirt and khakis, totally nonchalant. He was so little that his feet barely touched the floor.
He started with the song's beginning dun-duns, and then f-cking slayed it.
Why Would He Even Be Allowed To Watch That?
My sons favorite movie when he was 4 was Braveheart. In Walmart I hear people laughing and then very loudly, "....OUR FREEDOM" as my kid in his best William Wallace runs down the aisle with a pool noodle aloft.
You Have No Idea What You're Doing
I imagine for our mother it was my sister throat punching the dentist and telling them they have no idea what they're doing at 8 years old.
Selling Your Daughter Down The Road
I was at a children's museum with my two toddlers (about 2 years and 4 years). The younger one, my daughter, was playing in a communal area with some other small toddlers. I was sitting off to the side watching, but she was in her own world so no one could have known I belonged to her at that point.
Another little girl walked up and started playing with the toys my daughter was using. My daughter slowly turned her head and the look I saw in her eyes was, well, calculated. She stared at the little girl for a moment, reached out, placed her hand on the girl's shoulder, then pushed hard and yelled "NO, MINE!" right in the girl's face, then turned back to the toys and began playing innocently.
There was another mom sitting next to me that witnessed the entire event and I could see the judgement festering inside her. So I quietly said, "oh man, who's kid is that? They should teach their kids some manners." The other mom definitely agreed and we sat there judging for a few more minutes until I got up, took my daughter's hand and walked away.
No, I'm not a good parent sometimes.
An Angel In The Class, At Home A Total A**
season 4 pick up line GIFGiphyMost parent/teacher conferences. They describe how awesome my kids are and that they love having them in their classes. They then describe some of the exemplary behaviors they exhibit in class.
I look at my wife and we both wonder why they can do it at school but act like barbarians at home.
Pinocchio
Storytime - I was making the rounds of seeing each kids' teacher/classroom during Open House and started with the youngest who was in Kindergarten. His older sister quietly listened to her brother's Kindergarten teacher go on and on about what a sweet kid he was, how kind and thoughtful, how good he was at sharing...etc.
After hearing all of this, my daughter had a very puzzled look on her face considering the behavior of the aforementioned brother at home whispered very loudly to me, "Mom! I think his teacher is lying! That's not him at all!"
Will always be one of my most favorite memories.
[deleted]
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Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor Michaelrays asked:
"What is something that is way less dangerous than people think it is?"
There's not much to fear about traveling.
Getting From Point A To B
"Public transportation. It’s insanely safe by number of miles traveled and most of the security issues come with too few people using it."
– DeLaRey
Caribbean Vortex
"The Bermuda Triangle, particularly with modern navigation equipment."
– Chairchucker
"Man, I was so stressed about the Bermuda Triangle when I was a kid. It didn't matter I was living thousands of miles away."
– whatissevenbysix
Air Travel
"Flying"
– Ok_Distance9511
"Me with a terrible fear of planes, hoping to god that flying would be the top comment for my own peace. Thank you haha"
– Mojavecowgirl
Statistics Prove...
"It’s crazy because I totally get the statistics and how insanely astronomically unlikely it is to die in a plane crash but I still need a mg of Lorazepam to get on a plane."
– AtG8605
We were so easily influenced as kids.
Avoiding Stomach Cramps
"Swimming after eating - I used to fully believe I would drown in seconds if I didn’t wait a full hour before getting back in the water."
– Kind_Lettuce580
Gimme Something Good To Eat
"Trick or treating on Halloween. Kids are not getting poisoned by candy from strangers."
– Fishercat5000
Ruined Holiday
"You know, I hate this so bad because Halloween is the best holiday."
"It's a community experience, and it all happens with surprisingly little planning or organization. The kids and their parents go out and interact with their community in a very casual way. Something real special about that, we just don't have events where everybody in the neighborhood comes together like this, it's socially healthy to participate in shared experiences with people near you."
"But then the poisoned candy thing comes in - stay home, don't trust your neighbors, don't be social, stay home and be afraid. I hate it, this represents a great deal of what is wrong with everything."
– Catshit-Dogfart
Leaving The Bait
"Leaving your foot hanging out of the bed covers."
– Frozenlime
"Nice try, monster under the bed"
– Aneryn111
Redditors dissect how we view others.
Stranger Danger
"Strangers. Most of the violent crimes you hear happen between acquaintances."
– el_monstruo
"I grew up in the 80s. The message was 'stranger danger' 24/7. Above all: don't get into a car with someone you don't know. Then moving into the internet age, the addendum '...with someone you met online.'"
"Fast forward to today...I summon an Uber to do just that."
– BertramScudder
The Lonely
"People who have no/few friends"
"Most of the time they're either weird, shy, socially awkward, quiet, or simply just prefer to be alone."
– RadiantHC
The Quiet Ones
"Yeah I never understood how kids go from picking on someone for reading rather than disrupting the class to doubling down when they continue to be quiet because most of their social interactions have been bullies. Sometimes quiet is just being unproblematic."
– Industrialpainter89
When I was a kid, roller coasters genuinely freaked the mud outta me.
Watching passengers willingly going on a speeding ride vehicle that makes them scream in terror? I didn't get it.
I avoided riding Space Mountain at Disneyland because I heard it was a roller coaster in the dark. That's even worse.
I finally caved to peer pressure and went on Space Mountain when I was 15, and I fell in love with the ride.
After exiting the attraction building, I was so mad at myself for letting my fear get the best of me, leading me to miss out on all the times I could have ridden the ride when I was tall enough.
"People who have seen something they could never explain. What was the thing?!"
Help From The Great Beyond...
"Shortly after my mother passed away I was going through and organizing her belongings in her room."
"I was talking out loud as if I were talking to her."
"There were some boxes with family photo albums I’d been looking for that I hadn’t been able to find and it was really worrying me."
"I was sitting on the floor and said aloud 'where did you leave those albums, mom?'"
"Very slowly, her closet door opened on its own."
"A slow, creaking movement from nearly totally closed to halfway open."
"I was as terrified as I’d ever been in my life."
"I froze and didn’t move, but I looked at exactly eye level and there was a cardboard box labeled 'Albums' in my mothers handwriting on the lower shelf of the closet."
"I am not a religious or even spiritual person, and I thought that there might be some imbalance in the hanging of the closet door."
"I went back to the door many times and tested it by wiggling it back and forth and leaving it in different positions but it’s never moved that way since."- Virtual-Elderberry31
It's Coming From Within The House...
"In my early 20s I was home alone."
"I woke up to my cell phone ringing but missed the call."
"The phone number I missed the call from was my home phone number."
"I got up and found the cordless phone on the kitchen counter."
"I looked everywhere, but no one was in the house and the doors were all locked."- Sapphire_Sunshine
Scared Leave Me Alone GIFGiphyWhere To Even Begin...
"I fly helicopters for a living."
"I was working on a power line one year and was going back to our landing zone and noticed an opening in the trees what appeared to be a leg."
"I came back and tried to get as low as I could into the clearing, thinking, it was a person, it was a full grown cow that had been completely skinned."
"There were no farms around and the animal didn’t appear to be cut up in anyway."
"I went back to the landing zone picked up one of my Ground crew members and flew back with him just so he could verify that I wasn’t crazy."
"The flight back, we were both kind of in awe because we have no idea how that animal got to where it’s at."
"Even more so that it had no skin on its entire body, it looked like a perfect cow sans skin."- Machismo0311
An Unknown Friend When He Needed One
"Not me, but my dad."
"When I was younger, my biological mom and her husband kidnapped me and took off to another state."
"My dad said that he was finally starting to accept that he may never see me again after nearly a year of searching, and then one day when he was on a walk, this little girl came up to him and asked, 'are you looking for a little girl?'"
"He looked at her, confused, and she just turned around and pointed up the block at a group of kids playing, and said, 'she's right there!"
"He walked closer, passed the girl, to try to get a better look and saw me in the group."
"He turned around to figure out what the little girl's deal was, and she was just gone, without a trace."
"Turns out my bio mom and her husband had come back to visit family for whatever reason."
"I used to call bs because the story is just so insane, but throughout the years, it's the one story of my dad's that never changed."
"Not one detail."
"He's told it so many times that I can recite it word for word, and he's always so f*cking awestruck when he tells it."
"Like I can almost see him racking his brain, searching for the most logical explanation."
"I was ~2-3 when it happened, and I'm now 26."
"He still can't piece it all together to this day."- Western_Avocado9027
homer simpson hugs GIFGiphyA Universal Vision...
"Was talking on the phone to my dad in the garden, about 15 years ago."
"Saw an orange light slowly come up over some trees behind my house then take off straight up at a ridiculous speed."
"Stood there in silence and so did he."
"Explained to him what I’d just seen and he said he’d just seen the exact same thing."
"He was over 100 miles away in Manchester at the time."- srsly_organic
Good Thing It Landed Where It Did...
"I was walking along a park sidewalk blowing off grass clippings."
"Got under some pine trees and through a break in the canopy an 8-10 pound rock came tumbling out of the sky, bounced and chipped the sidewalk and rolled down into a creek."
"Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen."- RickPickle5280
It Can Be A Fine Line Between Dreams And Reality...
"When I was ~19 or 20 and first living on my own, I woke up in the middle of the night once to a pitch black room, but realized I could 'see' as if everything in my room was subtly outlined in a reddish glow."
"I closed my eyes and could still see the exact same thing."
"I then covered my eyes with my hands, but could still 'see'."
"I even got up and tested it by walking around my house with my eyes closed and was able to navigate around all obstacles and even see things like cups on the counters and able to pick them up without missing them."
"After a little bit of this, I turned on the light to confirm everything was where it was, and when I turned the lights back off the effect was gone."
"Overall it lasted about 10 minutes and has never happened again."
"My best guess is that I was still half dreaming and my brain was just able to very accurately represent my memory of where everything was."
"But even if that's the case, I'm very impressed with my brain's half asleep ability to form a full 3d representation of my environment as I'm moving and manipulating small objects."
"Either that, or I discovered a latent superpower."- Shaggyfort1e
scared butters stotch GIF by South Park GiphyAlways Be Cautious Before Following The Light...
"Me and my brother saw light coming through a bricked-off vent in my house about 20 years ago."
"It was a powerful light like there was a mini sun in there."
"Light has never come through it before or since and we both still remember it."- Gutgulper
Some People Are Very Easily Scared.
"My nephew was pointing at a picture on the wall saying 'boo!' and laughing, then the picture fell onto the desk below it."- HouseOfZenith
Maybe Just A Very Good Hiding Job?
"A voice sounding like my friend's sister calling out his name from a tree line in a park, me and friend were walking home near the middle of the night, both of us heard it."
"He was called out 3 times."- Brexrker
film meditating GIF by The Orchard FilmsGiphyHas This Happened Before?
"Actually I still don't understand the concept of Deja Vu."
"It happens to me about twice a year since I was around 18 years old (I'm 44)."
"Just random places or experiences that I swear I have seen and been through before."
"It's so strange."- Nairbfs79
What's More Baffling, The Chainsaws, Or The Nice Clothes?
"A tree fell in front of us while we were driving."
"It almost killed us."
"Moments later a group of men dressed in nice clothes just happened to have chainsaws in their car, that was black and black tinted windows."
"They started cutting up the tree."
"We quickly turned around and said 'nope'."
"I tried to tell myself that it was just Mormons, who happened to have chainsaws in the back of their car."
"I called my mom the other day to see if she still remembers that incident and she does."- Etherealdildoexpert
Who hasn't found themself in an experience they can't explain at least once in their life.
But rather than agonizing in finding the logic behind it, sometimes the best thing to do is avoid looking for an explanation.
And just accept it as a bizarre, one-off experience.
Redditor AMGBOI69420 wanted to discuss all the best ways to ruin the moment, so they asked:
"What’s the worst thing you can say right after having sex?"
The worst I have ever said to someone is, "Morning. Sorry, I forgot your name."
Oh BOO!!
Friends Tv GIFGiphy"My ex-husband was a virgin when we met. After his first time, he said, 'I don't know why people seem to enjoy that so much.'"
"THANKS, BOO."
StrangersWithAndi
Wow Really?!
"True story..."
"My partner and I of 8 years lost our virginities to each other. He grew up in a very sex-sheltered home and I grew up in a sex-positive one. We waited until our second-year anniversary, as we wanted to make sure he was ready before we started."
"We had sex and I thought it was great, but he gets up and puts his underwear back on, muttering."
"'That wasn't worth it.'"
"God d**n it hurt, but he was referring to the anxiety he had over sex, not the sex itself. We laugh about it now."
Eas_Mackenzie
I Tried
"I think I'll go back to being gay."
AlertWar2945
"Reminds me of an episode of King of the Hill where Hank finds out Peggy lost her virginity to her friend to see if he was really gay."
"I just remember Peggy talking about how unsure he was about it but after doing the deed with her how extremely sure he was that he was gay."
No-Significance2113
Check
"Now let’s go over your performance review."
repwin1
"You joke but I had a guy send me a Google form after sex so I could give him feedback on how he did."
single-left-sock
"Honestly though that would be hilarious. Like after you're done you reach under the bed and pull out a clipboard with a bunch of things in a checklist and a review section, then sign and stamp it and give it to them."
yamanamawa
shocked wig GIFI wish I could say I believe that no person could say these things, but... I know people.
Why cheat? Why?
No Touching
"From a former FWB who never cuddled after sex and when I asked him once he said he had to leave to 'defrost some hot dogs for a party tomorrow' …a party that I wasn’t even invited to."
FishyBricky
"I mean, if he communicated with you that he did not want to cuddle and did not want anything deeper than just sex, I don't see why you'd be upset. It's really important to communicate each other's intentions before doing it."
DrizzlyEarth175
"To be fair, cuddling after sex releases oxytocin, which can increase bonding in ‘couples.’ FWB was probably scared of catching feelings."
"F**king hot dogs though!? 😆 that’s funny (now)."
ScumBunny
Keep it in the Family
"Pretty good but your mom was better."
tempestae
"I have said this. Or close. Got into a relationship with a girl whose mum, ten years previously I had hooked up with orally. She knew and thought it was funny. In fact one Xmas she was doing Xmas Dinner. Said 'Dan, mum will be here in an hour... help me in the kitchen. I'm not leaving you two in a room together.'"
rumbunkshus
Introductions
Big Brother What GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"What's your name again?"
Leocut78
"I had a girl ask me what HER name was right before. I had no idea. She didn’t leave (or tell me her name)."
PredictBaseballBot
I’ll never forget...
"Not sure if it’s the worst but I know it hurt. I was dating this guy is hs, a varsity jock, and really cute. I could’ve sworn he had women, anyways we start dating. The first time we hooked up it sucked so bad, I looked him dead in the eye and asked him if he was a virgin. I swear the look on his face is something I’ll never forget."
AuraRiver
Well that is a whole lot of therapy bills.
I get that sometimes words just fall out of our mouths, but Lord show a little decorum.