Nowadays, bullying is taken far more seriously than it once was. Bullies are not getting cut as much slack as they were in past generations. You don't want your child to be "that kid"- but sometimes you only notice when it's too late.
Ti83PlusGuy asked: Parents of bullies, when did you realize your child was a bully and how did you react?
That's a good point.
"My sister (who I partially raised) was a bully and one of my long term foster kids was definitely a bully in the beginning. Not to be cliche, but it was nearly entirely due to trauma and mental health problems. My sister turned out to have some pretty serious bipolar. My foster son had been abused in every sense, actively isolated, and had "gone" to 5 schools by the 3rd grade. Gone is in quotes because he never actually went. Both of them were very obviously bullies in different ways. My sister was manipulative and was constantly lying to get her way. My foster son also lied a lot but was not very good at it, and mostly had physical aggression.
I worked with my foster son and his therapists a lot to navigate situations with bullying. He started on his own saying things like, "hey I'm sorry I was rough back there" or "it makes me scared when I think someone is going to hit me in the head." The kids were super forgiving, and I honestly think the hardest part for him, once he got less defensive, was forgiving himself. He also saw me defend him with other adults and kids a few times, so he learned the difference between standing up for yourself and being malicious. Some kids are just being d**ks, but some of them really have been through it and are acting out because of it."
Luckily, they caught it early.
"In preschool my daughter began to show signs of being a mean girl. She would talk about refusing to play with someone because she didn't like their clothes and convince her friends not to play with other kids.
I watched the edited for TV version of Mean Girls with her and we stopped and talked about how the kids treated each other and how they might be feeling.
She started being nicer all around.
What really spoke to her was being the victim of a mean girl situation in first grade.
Now in middle school she is quick to identify mean girls and bullies, doesn't let herself become their victims and befriends kids who are victims and helps them connect with other nice kids."
Honestly, the bully should've been the one to do that.
"A year after I graduated high school, the meanest, most popular girl in school's mother called my mom and said "I'm sorry if my daughter ever upset or hurt your daughter."
Apparently she called a bunch of girls moms from my grade to apologize for her daughters behavior."
That wasn't fair.
"Was told my kid was a bully in 4th grade. Ok, I had seen signs of him being bossy to his sisters so.... we had numerous talks, I watched him like a hawk, jumped on him if he even so much a gave a sideways glance at his sisters.
Later on, the kid he supposedly bullied came to a small gathering at our house. WHAT A LITTLE S**T THAT KID WAS! Took our digital camera off my husbands desk (when they were expensive items) and broke the battery compartment hinge because he threw the "stupid camera" because it wasn't Polaroid. I had a hard time keeping my husband from "bullying" this little s**t.
Later still, talking to other parents, my son was not the only unfairly accused.
The kid was tiny for his age, had red hair and freckles and long eyelashes and a sweet smile, and at first glance was angelic.
My son was cool with our temporary mistrust, because it came out he was not the only one.
I always wonder what became of the little s**t."
Problem solved.
"When I had to change my work schedule to pick my kids up from school because my 2nd grader was verbally antagonizing a 7/8th grader on the walk home. It started with her complaining she was being bullied till her older brother told on her that she was instigating.
Long story short, it was her way of trying to get more attention from me because she didn't have the words to explain what she wanted. It happened years ago a bit after I went from being a stay at home mom to a single working mom. I've made more effort to spend more time with them."
Good for him.
"Not me, but when I was growing up we had a neighbour kid who was like 6 years older than me, always teasing and making fun of me. Until one day, when I was already in a bad mood (I was like 6, it happened a lot), I put on my gloves (it was cold outside, don't judge me) then jumped the fence and punched him square in the mouth. Knocked one of his teeth out, and gave him a busted lip.
Went bawling inside, his mum came over an hour or so later and was basically like, "Yeah I always knew he was a little sh**t. He deserved it." then left. He never spoke to me again, though. As far as I know he's married now with his own kids."
The Golden Rule never fails.
"This is one of my biggest fears as a parent, because for a long time my son was getting in trouble for hitting other kids randomly (this was in kindergarten, he's going into 2nd grade now). Legit randomly, we had proof and everything.
Like once he was putting his snow boots on and a kid was walking by, and my son, straight face and everything, stood up and just cold-clocked this poor kid before calmly sitting back down and finishing getting his boots on.
I started telling him if he was going to treat others that way, that's how he should be treated, because we follow the Golden Rule™ in our house.
He didn't like that idea, and his behavior started to improve.
For clarity, we didn't actually do anything to him, just told him we would if he kept it up, and that he wouldn't have any friends because nobody wants to be friends with a bully.
He still acts out sometimes, but it's gotten a lot better with talking about why something he did was wrong and how it makes others feel, and asking him how he would feel if someone did those things to him."
That's awful.
"Not a parent but it was probably around the time my brother was 6-7 that I noticed he was a bully. He saw no need to share, be nice, be generally pleasant, social, anything. This never bothered my parents. He was the golden boy. He was showered in praise for anything and given exactly what he wanted when he wanted.
He continued to get worse and worse until now he sees nothing wrong with openly talking about how he wants to badly injure and permanently maim anyone he doesn't like.
He thinks it's acceptable for him to openly say whatever he wants about anyone and thinks there should be no consequences — but only when it's him. No one can say anything bad about him, even if it's a valid criticism of a poor behavior.
He gets violent when he doesn't get what he wants as soon as he wants it. He's pulled a knife on me just because I was taking a turn on the Xbox (it was mine and he wouldn't let me use it ever, it was the first time I'd touched it in a few months) and screamed about how he was going to kill me because I wouldn't give him what he wanted the second he wanted it.
He's not much different at school. He mouthed off to a teacher because she wouldn't give him a grade he wanted specifically because he wanted it, not because he'd earned it. He picks on special education kids, too, since he thinks he's above them.
Unfortunately, my parents condone this behavior and have never once done something about it."
Bad career choice...
"My nephew is a huge bully. His mom, my sister-in-law, started to notice this when he started getting physically violent with his younger brother...and it didn't turn out to be a phase.
And when he started to tell my kids really awful stuff too. And when he started kindergarten and broke his teacher's chair, and every day since then (in 1st and 2nd as well) as she continued to get notes home about how he treats others in class. I think these realizations are generally gradual, with parents at first hoping it's a phase.
Sometimes she cries about it. She said once (not in front of the kids) that she wouldn't of had a second if she'd known he'd end up being such a handful. But overall she doesn't do much.
The doctor recommended he be evaluated, but her mother said no and she's totally up her mom's butt (they seriously need to cut the cord - my mother in law thinks I'm awful for not letting her control my life like she does with her daughter), so he hasn't been evaluated or received any therapy or anything.
They sorta discipline him, but my mother in law (who they constantly use as a free childcare provider) says that's mean and he's just "being a boy" and will give him ice cream after. She now basically just talks to him when he gets a bad note home, which he ignores and continues to do whatever he wants.
It's not good. And his mom wants to go into early childhood education! Yikes. No. Bad idea. This is what she's like AFTER two years of classes on childhood development. Shockingly, she can't pass the test to finish her degree."
It starts early.
"My 3yo is a bully. His dad is an abusive narcissistic a-hole, a bully, liar, cheater, and just generally a completely despicable person.
When I saw that it was affecting my children as much as me I got help. (The little one is behind on his developmental milestones in addition to his behavioral problems and my teen from a previous marriage was failing at school and starting to self harm.)
I got ahold of the ywca victims resource center and got help getting away from the narcissistic ex and getting help for the kids before it was too late. Parents as teachers comes to the house every week to help us learn strategies to encourage better behavior. Bi-weekly meetings at the guidance center for everyone has helped a lot too.
I've also had an IU9 evaluation done on the little one and will be receiving the results tomorrow morning. (Fingers crossed they get him into early intervention.) I will do everything I can to prevent him from becoming like his father. That's no way to live."
Are we being lazy or is it self-care?
That is what you should ask yourself first, before you judge.
Life is an arduous journey and a constant energy suck.
It was inevitable we'd find shortcuts to get by.
It's all about survival.
Redditor Batman_In_Peacetime wanted to hear about the times we just didn't care enough to try harder. They asked:
"What is a lazy thing you began doing when you realised you can live with it?"
I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Be it on a blind date, at a party where you don't know anyone, or sitting next to someone on an airplane, starting a conversation with a total stranger is difficult.
As much as we'd all like to be friendly, far too often we find ourselves at a loss for words.
It doesn't help that we generally have no idea of what these people's various interests are, making it anyone's guess how they'll respond.
But some have this problem solved, finding a go-to topic which is always guaranteed to get a response, no matter who you're talking to.
Redditor Blugged_Bunny was curious to hear what people thought was the best way to begin a conversation with strangers, leading them to ask:
"What is your go-to 'small talk' topic with strangers?"
Did you check the forecast?
"We sure are having a lot of weather"- r_Ju_Tacular.
"As a British person, the conversation usually starts like this:"
“'You alright?'"
”Yeah you?”'
“'Yeah not too bad, weathers a bit sh*t innit?'”
“'Yeah”'.
"The end."- chelstippins
Why beat around the bush?
"Straight to politics and religion."- Turd_Ferguson009.
Just let it happen.
"Make an observation."
"Literally anything."It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be."
"It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention."
"People bullsh*t about the weather all the time."
"Make a comment about it, gauge their willingness to talk about it to you and build off of what you get from the response."
"If all you get is 'haha yeah', leave it."
"No shame in silence."
"Some people just don’t want to talk."
I"f you’re talking about the weather, 'Man it’s a great day out today!'"
“'Yeah absolutely! I drove here with my windows down all the way here!'”
"Boom, you’ve got something to latch onto."
"They probably enjoy getting outside for some fresh air. "
"They probably enjoy driving."
"Ask about their car."
"Ask if they go on drives a lot."
"Ask if they do outdoor stuff."
"What kind of outdoor stuff?"
"Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask."
"Let them do the talking."
"People love talking about themselves."
"You learn some light hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too."
"It works in literally any situation."
"From an elevator ride to a first date."
"It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable."- 1arrocknroll.
"But enough about me, what do you think about me?"
"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it."- I_can_see_the_music.
"Food, glorious food..."
"Food."
"People typically love food."
"I mention I’m new/newer to an area."
"And ask them what they like, where they eat out."
"Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks."- TheProfWife.
Can you believe it?
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"- housemuncher.
Nothing!
"As a Norwegian - we leave strangers alone."
"No need to bother them."- neihuffda.
The sky's the limit.
"So, do you like stuff?"- Bwon669.
All of these seem like surefire ways to get a conversation started.
But use cautiously, as who knows how long it will take these conversations to end.
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Quality comes with price. That's a fact you can't escape. If you hire someone to fix your home, and want them to do the best job, you're going to have to pay above average prices. That's fine. Pay the people what they're worth for the great job they did. However, we live in a world where everyone is looking for their payout, even if what they've given you is less than ideal.
Don't overpay for any of these.
Reddit user, DrLizardLover, wanted to know what we're paying too much for when they asked:
"What is just stupidly overpriced?"
If you didn't know any better, you would think making office and school supplies was a lot like mining for diamonds in the center of the Earth.
Though, we also know diamonds are a rip-off so maybe that's not the argument we should be making.
Another Collegiate Payment
"College books"
Spooly_Boy
"Especially when they say you have to buy the newest copy every year"
disantiyesnt
Good Thing We're Going Paperless
"Printer cartridges."
DataPlenty
"Apparently it's because in order to make printers affordable to everyone, you must lower their prices. The cartridges are the upsell and is where the profit comes from."
AltaSavoia
We Carry Them Around On Our Phones
"TI-84"
"I could get an old cell phone from a dumpster that’s 10x as powerful. Why the f-ck they still charging $80 or more for these things?"
edgeblackbelt
If living in 2022 has taught us anything, it's that convenience has a price.
And it's high.
$50 For Twizzlers
"Foods and drinks at movie theaters or sporting events"
Icy-Company7718
"I can answer for the theaters. They don't actually get much, if any, of the ticket sales. A lot of their operating budget comes from the snack bar."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
Fees On Hidden Fees For Hidden Fees
"Concert tickets"
"(AKA Ticketmaster)"
Catilily_3141
"I thought I was on the school box office site when I was on one made to look like it. I bought two reasonably priced ncaa basketball tickets and when I went to check out it went up to $70 with fees. Found the school website and checked out for $26 total."
blackcatmystery
Costs A Lot To Be A Woman
"One bra is like…40 dollars"
Noliel_Laicaster
"except i have big honkers so i'm forced to pay upwards of $80 for a bra because the only place I can get them in my size is Lane Bryant or Torrid"
kelsiewest11
"Just women's clothes in general. If I'm paying $40 for a pair of dress slacks, they damn well better have pockets. I have to have black slacks for my delivery job and ended up buying 3 pair of men's pants for $20 each, just to have the pockets."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
What can hurt the most is the idea companies and people will charge you for things you need to have. It's almost as if they know you're willing to pay the price...
Awful.
History Has Funny Way Of Changing Perspectives
"Lobster. Was literally considered food for the peasants at one point in history. They used lobsters as bait on ships"
magoted
The Most Expensive Day Of Your Life
"Anything tied to a wedding"
nickp123456
"Friend of mine needed a generator for a wedding. He booked it as a "corporate event" to get cheaper hire."
"When the company arrived to setup and saw it was a wedding they demanded extra money, because it was a wedding. Same location, same generator, same rental period."
salmonlikethephish
Sipping The Last Bits Of Money Out Of The Dead
"Funerals"
Longjumping-Oil4497
"I definitely think that add-ons for funerals are sold like biggie sizing your happy meal. And the concept of memorializing a person for eternity has been sold as bare necessity. But I do know that the pomp and circumstance a lot of people need to lay somebody to rest, costs money."
"I want to see people honored in their death, but spending $5,000 on a pine box does not make sense to me"
444unsure
People Need Help? Charge Them.
"Mental health services. Blessings upon blessings to the mental health professionals who offer sliding scales."
AphelionEntity
America Gonna 'Murica
"Getting an IUD put in or taken out without insurance costs 1300. Takes 5 minutes to put in and it’s a piece of plastic."
m_hahn_solo
"Wow thats so much. I'm in Canada so having it inserted, removed, and follow up appointments are free. But I had to pay for the IUD. The first time I used the insurance from college so only paid $30. The second time I graduated and didn't have insurance so I went to planned parenthood where its cheaper and paid 230. The third time I had insurance from work and it was free. Honestly all birth control should be free."
Forever-25
Keep an eye on your wallet, since you know most of the world is keeping theirs firmly on it.
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Not everyone is going to believe what you believe. Our own experiences and values add up to make us who we are. Without them, we'd all be the same amorphous blob of consciousness covering the planet in bland beliefs. You hold something in high regard, and that might mean someone else disagrees with you.
Hold your ground, and be ready to die on that hill, kind of like these people.
Reddit user, realduckbutter, wanted to know what you will never let go of when they asked:
"What’s the smallest hill you’re willing to die on?"
What is it about this hill that makes it worthwhile to fight over? Is it something ingrained in your core or something that you can never let go?
This Is Good, Great, And Dandy
"Oxford commas are GOOD and should be EMPLOYED LIBERALLY."
CopsaLau
"I agree with this, I agree with this, and I agree with this."
ajt9104_
Squats All Day
"Nice butts are better than big butts."
Crockpot_gator_Snot
"Shape > Size"
"on that note, 99.9% of of people don’t give a damn about color imperfections or stretch marks. It’s completely irrelevant. The shape is what makes a nice butt."
"Edit: I admit that my statistic it totally made up. I made to say that MOST people don’t care."
bouchandre
Doesn't Hold Up
"KFC gravy isn't as good as it used to be."
AshySlashy902
"KFC isn't as good as it used to be. The biscuits are so hit or miss now."
SuperstitiousPigeon5
Me Am No Good With Words And Things
"It's "I couldn't care less," not "I could care less." If you could care less, you care a little!"
thedoginapound
"That’s what I’m saying!!! People make no sense sometimes"
Rebelsinblacktattoo
The workplace is somewhere you (possibly) go to every day. If there's something about it you like or don't like, don't let it go.
Proper Bathroom Ambience
"Bathrooms at the work place should all be required to play music to help drown out the sounds being made"
zerorush8
"THANK YOU. I’ve thought this for years. Just some simple elevator music. Anything."
"I’d rather hear 10 hours of Yiruma’s River Flows In You than 10 seconds of whatever is flowing out of the poor guy next to me."
jaylward
Better Be Some Money That Comes With That Title
"Don’t give me a “promotion” unless it comes with a pay raise. The only reason I would want a promotion is because I get paid more, not so I can flex my title on ppl"
traws06
"Flex that title into a raise somewhere else"
meanie_ants
So Grateful
"All companies regardless of what industry they're in do their best work and are the most consumer friendly when they're in second or third place in their industry. The 'leader' is almost never the best option."
Nayko214
"The best service and the most exciting food is at two star Michelin restaurants because they’re playing offense not defense."
gastro_gnome
"Cashiers should be allowed to sit down during their shifts, ex. Aldi. There should be no reason why they need to keep standing in place for an entire shift"
kdotismydad
"This is so f-cking American. I've never in my European life seen a cashier standing up."
PercussiveRussel
Whatever it is about these hills we're all supposedly dying, you cannot deny the fact it's super fascinating to see bodies dropping on them.
Do Any Of Us Know What We're Eating?
"When people say “it has chemicals in it”. Your mom is chemicals. Everything is chemicals."
nosmase2
"The whole "don't put it in your body if you can't pronounce it" nonsense is infuriating. An apple has things in it most people couldn't pronounce if you wrote out the chemical composition. And does my having taken organic chem and biochem classes mean I can eat things others can't?"
"Don't even get me started on the anti-GMO crap."
dude_logman
Diamond Eyeglasses? Diamond Cups? Why Stop There?
"Lab grown diamonds are real diamonds. Chemically. It’s purely marketing that makes you pay more for mined diamonds."
ScoobyTrue
"I believe you may be wrong. They are purer than mined diamonds."
"I'm looking forward to windshields made out of diamond."
ScottColvin
*tap, *tap, *tap
"Mobile gaming is better when it's simple games like Angry Birds or Fruit Ninja"
ofsquire
"Yeah I thought I wanted big impressive games on my phone but then I realized there’s no point. I’m never going to play on my phone over a console"
realduckbutter
Holding Up The Line With Your Niceness
"Pay-it-forward drive-through chains are pointless. They aren’t really helping anyone, they’re just making everything awkward."
lassie86
"Im a starbucks barista and like its a nice thing dont get me wrong, but the way our systems work things get confusing and orders or items get lost so people end up getting free but wrong orders :( it also puts the customer on the spot to make a decision to continue or not and i hate that it's so awkward. I always just say hey your order has been paid for have a great day!"
imasokas2percentmilk
It Hurts So Good
"If Q-Tips were not meant to go deep in your ear canal, then God would not have put the g-spot in there"
Virtual-Stranger
Meet lots of people, develop a set of values, then enact those values upon yourself as you engage with the world. Be the person you want to be.
Tell us how you won't let anything go in the comments below.
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