Nowadays, bullying is taken far more seriously than it once was. Bullies are not getting cut as much slack as they were in past generations. You don't want your child to be "that kid"- but sometimes you only notice when it's too late.
Ti83PlusGuy asked: Parents of bullies, when did you realize your child was a bully and how did you react?
That's a good point.
"My sister (who I partially raised) was a bully and one of my long term foster kids was definitely a bully in the beginning. Not to be cliche, but it was nearly entirely due to trauma and mental health problems. My sister turned out to have some pretty serious bipolar. My foster son had been abused in every sense, actively isolated, and had "gone" to 5 schools by the 3rd grade. Gone is in quotes because he never actually went. Both of them were very obviously bullies in different ways. My sister was manipulative and was constantly lying to get her way. My foster son also lied a lot but was not very good at it, and mostly had physical aggression.
I worked with my foster son and his therapists a lot to navigate situations with bullying. He started on his own saying things like, "hey I'm sorry I was rough back there" or "it makes me scared when I think someone is going to hit me in the head." The kids were super forgiving, and I honestly think the hardest part for him, once he got less defensive, was forgiving himself. He also saw me defend him with other adults and kids a few times, so he learned the difference between standing up for yourself and being malicious. Some kids are just being d**ks, but some of them really have been through it and are acting out because of it."
Luckily, they caught it early.Giphy
"In preschool my daughter began to show signs of being a mean girl. She would talk about refusing to play with someone because she didn't like their clothes and convince her friends not to play with other kids.
I watched the edited for TV version of Mean Girls with her and we stopped and talked about how the kids treated each other and how they might be feeling.
She started being nicer all around.
What really spoke to her was being the victim of a mean girl situation in first grade.
Now in middle school she is quick to identify mean girls and bullies, doesn't let herself become their victims and befriends kids who are victims and helps them connect with other nice kids."
Honestly, the bully should've been the one to do that.
"A year after I graduated high school, the meanest, most popular girl in school's mother called my mom and said "I'm sorry if my daughter ever upset or hurt your daughter."
Apparently she called a bunch of girls moms from my grade to apologize for her daughters behavior."
That wasn't fair.
"Was told my kid was a bully in 4th grade. Ok, I had seen signs of him being bossy to his sisters so.... we had numerous talks, I watched him like a hawk, jumped on him if he even so much a gave a sideways glance at his sisters.
Later on, the kid he supposedly bullied came to a small gathering at our house. WHAT A LITTLE S**T THAT KID WAS! Took our digital camera off my husbands desk (when they were expensive items) and broke the battery compartment hinge because he threw the "stupid camera" because it wasn't Polaroid. I had a hard time keeping my husband from "bullying" this little s**t.
Later still, talking to other parents, my son was not the only unfairly accused.
The kid was tiny for his age, had red hair and freckles and long eyelashes and a sweet smile, and at first glance was angelic.
My son was cool with our temporary mistrust, because it came out he was not the only one.
I always wonder what became of the little s**t."
"When I had to change my work schedule to pick my kids up from school because my 2nd grader was verbally antagonizing a 7/8th grader on the walk home. It started with her complaining she was being bullied till her older brother told on her that she was instigating.
Long story short, it was her way of trying to get more attention from me because she didn't have the words to explain what she wanted. It happened years ago a bit after I went from being a stay at home mom to a single working mom. I've made more effort to spend more time with them."
Good for him.
"Not me, but when I was growing up we had a neighbour kid who was like 6 years older than me, always teasing and making fun of me. Until one day, when I was already in a bad mood (I was like 6, it happened a lot), I put on my gloves (it was cold outside, don't judge me) then jumped the fence and punched him square in the mouth. Knocked one of his teeth out, and gave him a busted lip.
Went bawling inside, his mum came over an hour or so later and was basically like, "Yeah I always knew he was a little sh**t. He deserved it." then left. He never spoke to me again, though. As far as I know he's married now with his own kids."
The Golden Rule never fails.
"This is one of my biggest fears as a parent, because for a long time my son was getting in trouble for hitting other kids randomly (this was in kindergarten, he's going into 2nd grade now). Legit randomly, we had proof and everything.
Like once he was putting his snow boots on and a kid was walking by, and my son, straight face and everything, stood up and just cold-clocked this poor kid before calmly sitting back down and finishing getting his boots on.
I started telling him if he was going to treat others that way, that's how he should be treated, because we follow the Golden Rule™ in our house.
He didn't like that idea, and his behavior started to improve.
For clarity, we didn't actually do anything to him, just told him we would if he kept it up, and that he wouldn't have any friends because nobody wants to be friends with a bully.
He still acts out sometimes, but it's gotten a lot better with talking about why something he did was wrong and how it makes others feel, and asking him how he would feel if someone did those things to him."
"Not a parent but it was probably around the time my brother was 6-7 that I noticed he was a bully. He saw no need to share, be nice, be generally pleasant, social, anything. This never bothered my parents. He was the golden boy. He was showered in praise for anything and given exactly what he wanted when he wanted.
He continued to get worse and worse until now he sees nothing wrong with openly talking about how he wants to badly injure and permanently maim anyone he doesn't like.
He thinks it's acceptable for him to openly say whatever he wants about anyone and thinks there should be no consequences — but only when it's him. No one can say anything bad about him, even if it's a valid criticism of a poor behavior.
He gets violent when he doesn't get what he wants as soon as he wants it. He's pulled a knife on me just because I was taking a turn on the Xbox (it was mine and he wouldn't let me use it ever, it was the first time I'd touched it in a few months) and screamed about how he was going to kill me because I wouldn't give him what he wanted the second he wanted it.
He's not much different at school. He mouthed off to a teacher because she wouldn't give him a grade he wanted specifically because he wanted it, not because he'd earned it. He picks on special education kids, too, since he thinks he's above them.
Unfortunately, my parents condone this behavior and have never once done something about it."
Bad career choice...
"My nephew is a huge bully. His mom, my sister-in-law, started to notice this when he started getting physically violent with his younger brother...and it didn't turn out to be a phase.
And when he started to tell my kids really awful stuff too. And when he started kindergarten and broke his teacher's chair, and every day since then (in 1st and 2nd as well) as she continued to get notes home about how he treats others in class. I think these realizations are generally gradual, with parents at first hoping it's a phase.
Sometimes she cries about it. She said once (not in front of the kids) that she wouldn't of had a second if she'd known he'd end up being such a handful. But overall she doesn't do much.
The doctor recommended he be evaluated, but her mother said no and she's totally up her mom's butt (they seriously need to cut the cord - my mother in law thinks I'm awful for not letting her control my life like she does with her daughter), so he hasn't been evaluated or received any therapy or anything.
They sorta discipline him, but my mother in law (who they constantly use as a free childcare provider) says that's mean and he's just "being a boy" and will give him ice cream after. She now basically just talks to him when he gets a bad note home, which he ignores and continues to do whatever he wants.
It's not good. And his mom wants to go into early childhood education! Yikes. No. Bad idea. This is what she's like AFTER two years of classes on childhood development. Shockingly, she can't pass the test to finish her degree."
It starts early.
"My 3yo is a bully. His dad is an abusive narcissistic a-hole, a bully, liar, cheater, and just generally a completely despicable person.
When I saw that it was affecting my children as much as me I got help. (The little one is behind on his developmental milestones in addition to his behavioral problems and my teen from a previous marriage was failing at school and starting to self harm.)
I got ahold of the ywca victims resource center and got help getting away from the narcissistic ex and getting help for the kids before it was too late. Parents as teachers comes to the house every week to help us learn strategies to encourage better behavior. Bi-weekly meetings at the guidance center for everyone has helped a lot too.
I've also had an IU9 evaluation done on the little one and will be receiving the results tomorrow morning. (Fingers crossed they get him into early intervention.) I will do everything I can to prevent him from becoming like his father. That's no way to live."
If you don't have any experience with construction, it can be pretty interesting to watch those reality HGTV shows (I know I'm addicted at this point). Some of the best episodes can be the one's where they open up the walls to find the builder didn't do anything right, causing a huge blow to the budget. The drama!
As someone who doesn't know much about building, and is dreaming of homeownership, Redditor Vast_Recognition_682 asked a question I wish I had thought of first.
Redditor Vast_Recognition_682 asked:
"Home inspectors of reddit, what are some horrible things that almost went unnoticed?"
Here's some horror stories that shed a little light on the home owner unknowns.
Behind the closet wall.
"Going through a home with [the] home inspector, didn't find any issues, bring my dad in to look through the house too and he was [incessantly] checking everything. Looks at the Zillow listing with the floor plan, measures the basement, finds out the actual measurements smaller than the floor plan which led us to go looking in a closet and realize they finished a wall and closet around the old oil tank, never decommissioned it, never planned to tell anyone about it, and we would have had to rip walls out to get to it to remove it. It was a non starter and we walked away. So happy to have my dad's sharp eye while home shopping."
If you need a good prank idea when you're renovating, here's one:
"I saw a post once, this guy said his dad's house had a diagonal outer wall and he was installing a combination wall and bookshelf to square the room. Since there was a small dead space on one side, the dad (who was a doctor), got a life-size plastic human skeleton from work and tossed it in there."
"So if someone tore the wall out to remodel in 30 years or whatever, they'd see it and freak out."
Man cave mayhem.
"Not a home inspector, but I did ask our home inspector what crazy stuff he had seen over the years. He had two stories."
"He inspected a modest three bedroom house and found that were very strange structural cracks in the walls. The area where the house was built is primarily clay soil which leads to a lot of foundation issues, but these were really abnormal cracks. He headed to the attic to wrap up his inspection; it was located over the garage so there was absolutely no structural support there. He poked his head up into the attic and couldn't believe his eyes: the owner had a fully furnished man cave in the attic over the garage. It had a couch, big screen tv, weight set, and a huge gun safe. He said he had no idea how in the world all of that stuff didn't come crashing down through the garage ceiling or how the guy had managed to get the giant gun safe up there without some sort of elaborate winch system. He said it was only a matter of time before the house collapsed."
"The only other weird thing he encountered was a cistern (an old well) in a crawlspace underneath a house. He said he was crawling along on his stomach when he almost fell into it; it was left uncovered."
A rats nest of wires.
"I'm sure there will be some stories about wiring above drop ceilings. When I was looking at houses, I saw (not the home inspector) one once where like 10 different wires came into one rats nest of a cluster. To make it even better, there was a regular lamp cord that ran from it to power the hanging kitchen light above the table. And if you want whip cream and sprinkles on that.... the power came into that mess through knob and tube."
"I am an apprentice electrician and this comment just made my soul cry."
"I found an uncapped steel conduit with live wires behind my sink while remodeling. There wasn't even a cap on the wires."
"While ripping out our old kitchen we cut the old crappy countertop with a sawzaw, to our surprise saw a spark and blew a breaker. some mother f**kers who previously renovated this kitchen ran the wiring for a new outlet on the wall around the studs in a crevice in the back of the countertop...."
"My family flipped a house a few years ago. There were four ceilings, each a couple inches lower than the one before, and all but one had old wiring in it. It was like cutting into a weird lasagna, trying to find the studs in that house."
"Grandma was shrinking with old age, but her kids didn't want her to realize."
"Not me, but one I spoke to. Place almost passed, until out the corner of his eye... bam... jack stand holding up a beam under the house."
"Same with a house daughter was interested in. The place was a flip and totally redone. Beautiful. And down in the basement was a brick holding up a big beam."
This inspector had a full list.
1. "Furnace exhaust flue inlet at the attic furnace disconnected and a dead bird below it. Would have dumped all the furnace exhaust straight into the attic area. Obvious safety implication."
2. "Long time vacant house in a very secluded area. Reeked of cat p*ss and burnt plastic. No cats or cat feces in sight and no entry point for cats. Found small balloon in the corner of the floor where the fridge would be. Picked it up (with gloves) and white powder came spilling out. We came to the conclusion there was possibly the presence of methamphetamine in the home at some point and in some fashion."
3. "5 year old house, nice neighborhood, great shape, vacant. Everything looked good visually. In the attic, just after it had started raining heavily, a slight but constant drip was noticed from the roof sheathing in one area. Got lucky on that one. Sunny day, there would have been no evidence of any issue whatsoever."
4. "Homeowner DIY replaced the microwave and thought it would be 'clever' to run the exhaust vent into the wall cavity between the kitchen and adjacent laundry room. Just dumped the moisture into the wall. Mold city after a while if you do a lot of cooking while using the exhaust fan."
5. "60s house, well renovated. Range was a gas/electric dual fuel setup. Noticed broiler took forever to even start to warm up and never got hot enough that I couldn't touch it real quick (they usually glow red after like 30 seconds). Found out the range was plugged into a 110v outlet (enough to power the control panel and light) and not the proper 220v outlet (not even present). Oven was essentially useless. That one also had an incomplete drain line from a bathroom sink dumping everything directly into the crawlspace."
6. "New build. Got into the attic and just a quick 360° scan, something was off. Looking closer found a truss web beam that was completely gone, just ripped out (gusset plates bent to hell). Probably knocked out by the framing crews crane or something and they thought no one would notice. Time is money right? Lol"
They saved the day with this good catch!
"I used to work in a hospital, in IT. We were in a back corner of the oldest building. I used an out of the way stairwell, that had a 4 inch cast iron sprinkler main running through it."
"One day when I was leaving, I noticed a little tiny bit of water on the outside of the pipe. I went back to my desk, called maintenance, and asked them to send someone down so I could show them what I noticed. Walked the guy down to the stairwell and showed him, went on home."
"The next day I get to work and there's a letter on my desk. I open it, and it's from the director of maintenance. Seems that they shut down and depressurized the sprinkler line, and when they went to disconnect the section with the leak, the pipe just crumbled. They figured that my call prevented a major flood in materials management (which backed up to the stairwell on the floor below us) as well as a FD call-out, as the alarm would have gone when the pipe ruptured and water started flowing. The director sent me a very nice thank-you, and referred the situation to the cost-saving committee to see if they could get me a bonus based on preventing an accident."
The internet might just save homeowners on a whole lot of money by taking a closer look during the inspection. Thank goodness for this Ask Reddit post shedding light on the horror stories of homeownership and renovation mishaps.
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Unless you've been a member of the armed forces, you may only know drill sergeants as uncompassionate leaders who yell at privates all the time.
War Face GIF Giphy
"Drill instructors, what is the funniest thing you have seen a Private do?"
The following examples were utterly humiliating, but valuable lessons were learned.
"Had 2 guys get in a fight in our bay during basic. The drill sergeant made them hold hands and pretending to be on a date all week. Only time they could let go of each other's hands was rack time. They ended up becoming pretty good friends."
"Ex British Army officer here."
"A corporal went on a nine week mortar course and was accommodated (obviously) while he was away. It turned out he knew one of the DS teaching the course and was invited, regularly, to dine and drink in the Sergeant's Mess."
"The month after coming back from the course, he brought his payslip to me with a puzzled look on his face and, embarrassed, explained he didn't understand what it meant and could I help him?"
"It emerged that the Sergeant's Mess had a chitty system - you didn't pay for your drinks at the time, but signed for them and the total bill was deducted from your pay."
"This legend had managed to drink more than his monthly salary both months he'd been away and his payslip was a negative balance."
"I'm sorry Smith, I'm afraid you owe the Army £235 ($327.50) this month."
Asking For An Advance
"Former European Anti-Air Trainee here."
"Recruit spent his first check on alcohol and sex workers, asked his commander for next months check in advance the next day. Instead of having a good excuse prepared to actually succeed in that proposal he blankly told him in front of 80 other recruits why he'd need it."
"I saw a guy post about how he was like 6'3 and his DS was like 5'2, so whenever he messed up the DS would go up to him face to chest and yell 'Elevator!' and the guy would bend down to eye level with the DS and say 'Ding!' and the DS would proceed to look him in the eye while he chewed him out."
Some experiences were downright hilarious.
"Not an RDC, but in boot camp I was over the laundry crew. One recruit sh*t himself because he thought he couldn't leave his rack after taps. It was funny at the moment before I realized I had to wash it."
"This was the funniest f'king thing I ever read from u/odomotto"
"Recruit fired all his blank ammo during 'ambush training.' He crawled in ditch opposite where the aggressors were, and started throwing rocks at them. DI came running in middle of the road blowing his whistle and screaming 'what the f'k are you doing?' Recruit screamed back, 'throwing hand grenades drill sergeant!' Without missing a beat, the DI screamed 'out f'king standing.' And walked away."
"My sides hurt and I was wheezing laughing so hard at this when I first heard it!"
These punishments made no sense. And that's why they're memorable.
"When I was in basic, a kid we called 'Albino' shot off a blank round accidentally in the field. The sergeants were pissed and took his weapon away and replaced it with a broomstick for the remainder of the week in the field."
"Man I remember some dude didn't put the sheet on his bunk the right way and had to wear the sheet as a cloak and go to all the other barracks dancing around sing about how he was the 'Catch Edge Fairy' or something. It was pretty silly, he owned it though. He was doing twirls the whole time. This was Navy bootcamp."
Despite how they are depicted on film, drill instructors are people who care.
Like, Beals – a drill sergeant at Fort Knox, Kentucky – who said:
"We provide more than just physical, mental and emotional guidance for them. You are a father, a preacher, a financial advisor, a counselor-you provide so many different services to the Soldier that the regular public doesn't see on day to day basis."
"They see what they see in movies and what they hear about by word of mouth. But you are fulfilling so many roles other than just being a trainer and teaching an individual how to be a Soldier in the Army."
And occasionally, they are having a laugh at the crazy things their trainees do.
Sometimes, it becomes extremely clear that it's time to leave.
That goes for short term situations like a bizarre social moment, or longer term commitments like work or relationships.
Whatever the context, there is typically a tipping point moment when all the variables appear to suggest things have become unsafe, wildly uncomfortable, or maybe even a tad illegal.
It's those moments when all you can think about is the door.
Redditor Thotus_Maximus asked:
"What was your biggest 'I'm out' moment?"
Many people talked about the times they went to parties that turned out to be very different from what they had in mind.
"Went to a friend of a friend's 35th birthday party. There were like 3 people there when we showed up. Birthday boy says everyone's in the basement. Okay cool."
"We go down to the basement. Someone's DJing, they've got cool lighting, there's like 30 people dancing. After a minute or 2 we realize everyone in the basement is like 13. Nope Nope Nope."
THAT Kinda Party
"Lived in a hotel for a while when I was 18-19. One day a bunch of people I've met at the pool wanted to go up to this dudes room and party. I thought we were gonna drink, smoke, and have a conversation, but that's not how it went."
"While everyone went up there, I had to go back to my room and change clothes. When I finally went to join them, I walked in and saw this dude injecting hard drugs. I sh** you not, this dude turned completely blue and dropped to the ground like a rock. When I saw that, I just dipped."
"He got picked up by an ambulance and survived. When I saw him in the elevator the next day, he seemed like a completely different person. Seein' stuff like that (that wasn't my first time witnessing od's), I think kept me away from the drugs that can kill you easily."
The Great Escape
"I was at a party when I was a teen. Cops turned up. I was stuck upstairs. But there was a balcony and underneath a pool. And beyond the pool a gate leading to an alley."
"So I jumped in the pool."
"But when I resurfaced there were already two cops standing there looking at me."
Other Redditors recalled the times they encountered strangers that did not appear to have their best interest at heart, to say the least.
"Was approached by someone and we talked about how we went to the same college and I showed him some of my art work, he thought it was pretty cool and offered me an opportunity and wanted to talk more later because I was at work at the time."
"I met up with him and his girlfriend and he told about what he mentioned. As I say there listening, it sounded familiar and BAM! It hit me. It was a pyramid scheme, it had nothing to do with art or any job prospects, I told him I wasn't interested many times in the nicest way possible l, but boy did they look pi**ed."
"I got stuck in an airport overnight as my flight was cancelled due to weather and I was starving because all the stores were closed. Some employee offered to show me where to get food so I followed him."
"He then opened a door to outside in the parking lot and motioned outside. I quickly said 'no thanks' and walked away."
And finally, some talked about when it became very clear that their work situation needed to end, like yesterday.
Quotas Reign Supreme
"I got buried by heavy packages while loading a truck for Fedex. It took 3 people to get me out. I was bloody, bruised, and had trouble lifting my arm."
"My manager came over and chastised me for my package count being too low. Walked out immediately."
Leaving Him a Stressful Day
"I worked in a contact centre several years ago. It was super busy and calls didn't stop coming. For some reason, my stupid boss removed everyone else from the queue for some stupid training, leaving me alone to handle all the calls. I messaged him a few times on Microsoft Teams, asking what was happening with no reply."
"After two hours, I shut down my computer and walked out of the company. I just recently withdrawn my last salary, so no regret whatsoever."
Corruption At Its Finest
"I worked for a blood analysis lab machine company for about 6 months. Hated every minute of it because I was working well over 60 hours a week every week. I wouldn't be leaving some hospitals until after 11pm sometimes. The management would never support the techs, the customer is always right, that BS."
"So one week at during the over the phone team meeting, the manager actually asked on of the younger techs to complete paperwork and submit it. Which is normal, but the manager was having him submit the repair paperwork and schedule the repair when they got around to it. He wanted the tech to pencil whip documentation we submit to the FDA so he could a quarterly bonus."
"Managers who's group hits all the pm's, gets a very nice size check. Had the tech done that and the machine failed before it was serviced, somebody could have died and he might have gone to jail. I left that job the next day."
Out With a Bang
"I walked out of a job two hours into a shift and left them without anyone who could do my job."
"As a parting gift, I threw the manual I'd written in the rubbish and didn't bother removing or giving anyone my passwords to stuff so they couldn't do anything."
Years ago I had a classmate who was a total daredevil... so much so that he would often injure himself. He once drove a bike in the direction of oncoming traffic, just for the hell of it. He got out of that episode unscathed––luckily. By contrast, I prefer keeping all my limbs, and still have them all. I wonder where he is now. Hopefully not too banged up. I did do some stuff unwittingly––like the time I stuck a fork into an electrical socket. I thankfully wasn't shocked too much. I was young and naive.
People told us all about the dangerous things they did when they were younger after Redditor Not-an-Ocelot asked the online community,
"What's the most dangerous thing you did as a kid without realizing?"
"My chore was to wash the floors. I would mix all sorts of chemicals together, not realizing they don't mix. Like bleach and ammonia with other cleaning products."
This is very easy to do––and so dangerous! Thankfully you didn't harm yourself.
"I used to walk..."
"I used to walk on a frozen river when walking home from school. I was about 7 at the time."
Seen too many movies about people stuck under the ice.
"We would sneak up..."
"I used to do parkour. We would sneak up onto the rooftops of condo buildings when they were washing their windows (the staircases leading to the top floor would be unlocked). We would then go roof hopping.
Literal roof hopping like in Grand Theft Auto. We would jump from a 12 storey apartment building's roof to an adjacent 10 storey apartment building's roof, etc."
How are your knees? That's bound to do some damage, no?
"I picked up..."
"I picked up a baby copperhead snake and gave it to my mom as a present when I was 6 or 7."
You must have really hated your mom.
"There was a railway crossing..."
"There was a railway crossing on my walk to school, and the train would often be blocking my path so I would always wait until it stopped moving and then climb on top of it and jump off the other side so I could keep walking and not be late."
"Played inside an old broken refrigerator that was outside….not knowing it could have locked or tipped over."
Yes, it could have! Thankfully it didn't. There's a really frightening scene in The Leftovers involving a character who nearly suffocates in a fridge.
No thank you.
"Like most Florida kids..."
"Like most Florida kids I swam where I shouldn't have and I'm very lucky I didn't get eaten by alligators."
"After seeing videos..."
"Playing with fireworks. After seeing videos of kids blowing their fingers and hands off, I would never let my kids play with them, without lots of supervision."
"We are super lucky..."
"Getting on a boat with my then-boyfriend and not telling our parents where we were going. The boat ended up sinking during a storm and we had life jackets and floated on the ice chest. Only reason we are alive is because a ship that was coming in heard us screaming during the storm and called the coast guard. We were out there for a total of 15 hours and had severe hypothermia. We are super lucky to be alive."
This is pretty terrifying.
Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.
Yes, thankfully, you're alive.
"When I was about..."
"When I was about 9 or 10 a friend and I rode an air mattress down a river. Neither of us knew how to swim and we didn't tell our parents so when we came back cops were looking for us."
Well... these were a read.
If you'll excuse me, I'll stay indoors and wrap myself in bubble wrap. The outside world is scary.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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