Nowadays, bullying is taken far more seriously than it once was. Bullies are not getting cut as much slack as they were in past generations. You don't want your child to be "that kid"- but sometimes you only notice when it's too late.
Ti83PlusGuy asked: Parents of bullies, when did you realize your child was a bully and how did you react?
That's a good point.
"My sister (who I partially raised) was a bully and one of my long term foster kids was definitely a bully in the beginning. Not to be cliche, but it was nearly entirely due to trauma and mental health problems. My sister turned out to have some pretty serious bipolar. My foster son had been abused in every sense, actively isolated, and had "gone" to 5 schools by the 3rd grade. Gone is in quotes because he never actually went. Both of them were very obviously bullies in different ways. My sister was manipulative and was constantly lying to get her way. My foster son also lied a lot but was not very good at it, and mostly had physical aggression.
I worked with my foster son and his therapists a lot to navigate situations with bullying. He started on his own saying things like, "hey I'm sorry I was rough back there" or "it makes me scared when I think someone is going to hit me in the head." The kids were super forgiving, and I honestly think the hardest part for him, once he got less defensive, was forgiving himself. He also saw me defend him with other adults and kids a few times, so he learned the difference between standing up for yourself and being malicious. Some kids are just being d**ks, but some of them really have been through it and are acting out because of it."
Luckily, they caught it early.
Giphy"In preschool my daughter began to show signs of being a mean girl. She would talk about refusing to play with someone because she didn't like their clothes and convince her friends not to play with other kids.
I watched the edited for TV version of Mean Girls with her and we stopped and talked about how the kids treated each other and how they might be feeling.
She started being nicer all around.
What really spoke to her was being the victim of a mean girl situation in first grade.
Now in middle school she is quick to identify mean girls and bullies, doesn't let herself become their victims and befriends kids who are victims and helps them connect with other nice kids."
Honestly, the bully should've been the one to do that.
"A year after I graduated high school, the meanest, most popular girl in school's mother called my mom and said "I'm sorry if my daughter ever upset or hurt your daughter."
Apparently she called a bunch of girls moms from my grade to apologize for her daughters behavior."
That wasn't fair.
"Was told my kid was a bully in 4th grade. Ok, I had seen signs of him being bossy to his sisters so.... we had numerous talks, I watched him like a hawk, jumped on him if he even so much a gave a sideways glance at his sisters.
Later on, the kid he supposedly bullied came to a small gathering at our house. WHAT A LITTLE S**T THAT KID WAS! Took our digital camera off my husbands desk (when they were expensive items) and broke the battery compartment hinge because he threw the "stupid camera" because it wasn't Polaroid. I had a hard time keeping my husband from "bullying" this little s**t.
Later still, talking to other parents, my son was not the only unfairly accused.
The kid was tiny for his age, had red hair and freckles and long eyelashes and a sweet smile, and at first glance was angelic.
My son was cool with our temporary mistrust, because it came out he was not the only one.
I always wonder what became of the little s**t."
Problem solved.
Giphy"When I had to change my work schedule to pick my kids up from school because my 2nd grader was verbally antagonizing a 7/8th grader on the walk home. It started with her complaining she was being bullied till her older brother told on her that she was instigating.
Long story short, it was her way of trying to get more attention from me because she didn't have the words to explain what she wanted. It happened years ago a bit after I went from being a stay at home mom to a single working mom. I've made more effort to spend more time with them."
Good for him.
"Not me, but when I was growing up we had a neighbour kid who was like 6 years older than me, always teasing and making fun of me. Until one day, when I was already in a bad mood (I was like 6, it happened a lot), I put on my gloves (it was cold outside, don't judge me) then jumped the fence and punched him square in the mouth. Knocked one of his teeth out, and gave him a busted lip.
Went bawling inside, his mum came over an hour or so later and was basically like, "Yeah I always knew he was a little sh**t. He deserved it." then left. He never spoke to me again, though. As far as I know he's married now with his own kids."
The Golden Rule never fails.
"This is one of my biggest fears as a parent, because for a long time my son was getting in trouble for hitting other kids randomly (this was in kindergarten, he's going into 2nd grade now). Legit randomly, we had proof and everything.
Like once he was putting his snow boots on and a kid was walking by, and my son, straight face and everything, stood up and just cold-clocked this poor kid before calmly sitting back down and finishing getting his boots on.
I started telling him if he was going to treat others that way, that's how he should be treated, because we follow the Golden Rule™ in our house.
He didn't like that idea, and his behavior started to improve.
For clarity, we didn't actually do anything to him, just told him we would if he kept it up, and that he wouldn't have any friends because nobody wants to be friends with a bully.
He still acts out sometimes, but it's gotten a lot better with talking about why something he did was wrong and how it makes others feel, and asking him how he would feel if someone did those things to him."
That's awful.
Giphy"Not a parent but it was probably around the time my brother was 6-7 that I noticed he was a bully. He saw no need to share, be nice, be generally pleasant, social, anything. This never bothered my parents. He was the golden boy. He was showered in praise for anything and given exactly what he wanted when he wanted.
He continued to get worse and worse until now he sees nothing wrong with openly talking about how he wants to badly injure and permanently maim anyone he doesn't like.
He thinks it's acceptable for him to openly say whatever he wants about anyone and thinks there should be no consequences — but only when it's him. No one can say anything bad about him, even if it's a valid criticism of a poor behavior.
He gets violent when he doesn't get what he wants as soon as he wants it. He's pulled a knife on me just because I was taking a turn on the Xbox (it was mine and he wouldn't let me use it ever, it was the first time I'd touched it in a few months) and screamed about how he was going to kill me because I wouldn't give him what he wanted the second he wanted it.
He's not much different at school. He mouthed off to a teacher because she wouldn't give him a grade he wanted specifically because he wanted it, not because he'd earned it. He picks on special education kids, too, since he thinks he's above them.
Unfortunately, my parents condone this behavior and have never once done something about it."
Bad career choice...
"My nephew is a huge bully. His mom, my sister-in-law, started to notice this when he started getting physically violent with his younger brother...and it didn't turn out to be a phase.
And when he started to tell my kids really awful stuff too. And when he started kindergarten and broke his teacher's chair, and every day since then (in 1st and 2nd as well) as she continued to get notes home about how he treats others in class. I think these realizations are generally gradual, with parents at first hoping it's a phase.
Sometimes she cries about it. She said once (not in front of the kids) that she wouldn't of had a second if she'd known he'd end up being such a handful. But overall she doesn't do much.
The doctor recommended he be evaluated, but her mother said no and she's totally up her mom's butt (they seriously need to cut the cord - my mother in law thinks I'm awful for not letting her control my life like she does with her daughter), so he hasn't been evaluated or received any therapy or anything.
They sorta discipline him, but my mother in law (who they constantly use as a free childcare provider) says that's mean and he's just "being a boy" and will give him ice cream after. She now basically just talks to him when he gets a bad note home, which he ignores and continues to do whatever he wants.
It's not good. And his mom wants to go into early childhood education! Yikes. No. Bad idea. This is what she's like AFTER two years of classes on childhood development. Shockingly, she can't pass the test to finish her degree."
It starts early.
"My 3yo is a bully. His dad is an abusive narcissistic a-hole, a bully, liar, cheater, and just generally a completely despicable person.
When I saw that it was affecting my children as much as me I got help. (The little one is behind on his developmental milestones in addition to his behavioral problems and my teen from a previous marriage was failing at school and starting to self harm.)
I got ahold of the ywca victims resource center and got help getting away from the narcissistic ex and getting help for the kids before it was too late. Parents as teachers comes to the house every week to help us learn strategies to encourage better behavior. Bi-weekly meetings at the guidance center for everyone has helped a lot too.
I've also had an IU9 evaluation done on the little one and will be receiving the results tomorrow morning. (Fingers crossed they get him into early intervention.) I will do everything I can to prevent him from becoming like his father. That's no way to live."
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.