Having children can be a rewarding experience, particularly as you watch them grow and evolve into their own people.
Today's burning question came from Redditor wtdoido, who asked the online community: "Parents, what was the moment when you felt the most proud of your child?"
The moments these parents shared as as heartwarming as they are insightful.
"I went out and found him playing in the snow..."
There was a snowy day. I was working still in my office. I went into the living room where my son was supposed to be playing videogames and couldn't find him. I searched the house, no where.
I went out and found him playing in the snow (he was 5 or 6).
I said, "Oh buddy, please don't go outside without telling me, and please buddy, wait for me to finish my work and I'll come out and shovel and then you can play."
Then I looked closer, and noticed, he had his little shovel in his hands and was shoveling off part of the sidewalk and he said, "But daddy, if I shovel now there will be less for you to do when you are finished work."
"I went to meet my daughter..."
I went to meet my daughter after a concert and heard a group of kids hanging around outside talking about her.
Kid 1: I know the drummer in the band. Kid 2: Really? You know her? Kid 1: Yeah, we're friends. We were in the same English class, once. Kid 2: you liar!
At this point, my daughter is done getting packed up backstage so I go help her grab her gear. I tell her what I heard so we walk around the front of the building on our way out. She walks up to the girl (whose name she didn't remember anymore) and waves and gives her big "Hey! How's it going?!" The girl breaks into this huge smile, and as we leave, I can see all her friends huddled around her impressed by what just went down.
"I always feel proud of my children but..."
When my youngest daughter gave me all the money in her piggy bank to buy insulin for her friend because her parents couldn't afford it. I always feel proud of my children but for some reason that moment always stood out for me.
"I am a stepdad of two kids..."
I am a stepdad of two kids. It has not been easy, as their dad did not handle the breakup well and did everything in his power to get the kids not to like me (or their mother, for that matter). Over the last decade, it seems to have backfired and the kids see through his irrational, alienating tendencies.
The proudest moment I had was when I found out the daughter wanted to be a writer like me. It really means a lot, even if she doesn't end up writing. I will support her no matter what she wants to do.
Those kids are not my blood, but blood is blood and love is love. I feel I don't really need children of my own. So, cheers to all the step-parents out there!
"My son stood up to a bully..."
My son stood up to a bully recently even though he knew the outcome.
He got the sh*t kicked out of him, but after his defiance landed the bully in juvie, all the kids at his school started standing up for themselves more.
Love that kid.
"That night, when I was looking through her old baby pictures..."
GiphyI just took my 4 year old daughter to her Preschool Open House on Wednesday. It was really fun and I look forward to her starting school, but a small part of me was really sad that she's getting older. As I talked to her teacher and she took me through a regular day, I kept eyeballing my daughter playing with the other kids. It made me feel proud that she wasn't searching around the room looking for me. She was acting like a big kid.
When we made it back to the car, she gave me a big hug and said "thank you, Mommy." She has no idea that school is a mandatory part of life...so she just concluded that I had made the decision for her, and she was sincerely grateful. It made me happy to have such a thoughtful, little girl.
That night, when I was looking through her old baby pictures and watching old videos, (and looking shamelessly sad) she came up to me and said "don't worry... I'll always come home to you. You're a great Mommy."
I had to take a fake "potty break" to let some tears go... ah, that kid.
"Our daughter had wild and troubled teenage years..."
Our daughter had wild and troubled teenage years that led to some life-threatening situations and her dropping out of school. But over a few years, she found steady work, went back and finished school, got accepted to the highest-rated graphic-design program in the country, graduated with excellent grades, and is now working in the field. And, as a reference, something like 5% of people who get degrees in the arts ever work in their chosen discipline, and that includes teaching.
Actually, I'm proud of all my kids, they're strong individuals, all different and all independent and focused.
"Huh, I can read?"
I haven't been a parent very long (only 5 years) but the proudest I've felt is when she started reading. My kindergartener went into the school year only able to read her name and a couple sight words (a, and, the), which is normal. Around the holidays, she picked up a flyer sitting on our kitchen table and started reading it out loud. My wife and I shot each other a glance like "Are you seeing this?" Pretty soon she read the whole thing (it was some Christmas party for kids, so nothing difficult). Then she did the cutest thing. She looked off in the distance and goes "Huh. I can read?" Then put the flyer down and galloped out of the kitchen. My wife and I laughed and hugged and had a mini celebration.
We just ran into her teacher last week at the store and she said "Your daughter is reading at a level E now, which is about a year ahead of schedule." We're so f*ckin' proud of that little monkey.
"He's got a huge heart..."
My son is 8 years old. He's got a huge heart and he's so thoughtful. One day my wife had some nursing friends over to study for an exam and he set all kinds of snacks out for them. Then he went outside with an umbrella when he heard one of the girls was close to the house and just waited. When she arrived, he met her at her car and escorted her in. We never asked him to do that. Later around lunchtime I was upstairs watching tv and he brought his lunch up with two forks and wanted to share with me. It was his favorite kind of food too that he doesn't get to eat very often. I told him several times throughout the day how proud of him I am and what a good man he will become. I'm tearing up just typing this lol.
"When my son turned two..."
When my son turned two, someone got him some plastic tools to play with. One day soon after, he found a loose screw on one of our kitchen chairs. I watched him go get his plastic screw driver and try to fix it. The over sized screwdriver didn't fit the screw of course. After about a minute, he dropped the toy and pulled a box over to the kitchen cabinet to stand on, opened the drawer and pulled out a real screwdriver. He then proceeded to use the screwdriver to take the loose screw out of the chair, brought it to me and said "Daddy fix it?"
"We talked for weeks..."
Almost four years ago now I got hooked up with a girl on a blind date/group night out kind of thing which went pretty well. I soon found out that she was a new mom and had a 3mo old son. All of my friends gave me a really hard time about it, said I was stupid etc, but I decided to see this girl again knowing full well that this little boy was part of the package.
We talked for weeks and I finally decided to invite her and her son over to my place for a night. The next morning I decided to let her sleep in and see if I could take care of the poor little guy, I even googled how to change diapers, I kid you not. First diaper change went ok, and he even pee'd on me to show his appreciation.
Now it's more than 3 years later and he will soon be 4. He calls me dad and I consider him my son. One day we were getting groceries and he was riding in the cart saying 'Hello!' to everyone, I was so embarrassed because I am usually very shy but I was so proud that he was friendly to everyone. Sometimes when we go to restaurants complete strangers will come up to us and compliment us on what a good kid he is.
"And I held back some tears..."
GiphyMy brother got married for the second time last year -- and his new wife asked my 13 year old daughter to be one of her bridesmaids. So I went with her, my brother, and his fiancée to the mall to find her a dress.
When she stepped out of the dressing room, I couldn't believe it. This kid. This child who I'd diapered, dressed, sang to, read to, comforted, played games with, laughed with... she was a grown woman. I saw in her the woman she would become, and she was beautiful. And I held back some tears as I told her that she looked great.
Fifteen minutes after we leave the store inside the mall, I'm relating this story to my brother and soon-to-be sis-in-law, and talking about how grown up she is, how it's all come and gone, she'll never be a kid again, and all that. My brother points behind us, about 100 yards down the mall concourse.
My "grown up" daughter is trying desperately to shove her 5'11" body into one of the quarter-operated carousel cars made for toddlers.
You can only be young once, kiddo, but you can be immature forever.
"My daughter didn't want to go to bed..."
My son is 5 and my daughter is 3. They sleep in separate bedrooms next to each other. They used to share a room until recently, and have been adjusting. My daughter didn't want to go to bed and was whining a bit in her room. I was on my way to check on her and I saw my son sitting on the edge of her bed. He was holding her hand. He leaned down and hugged her and kissed her. He said "I know you have to sleep alone now and you're scared but I'm just right there. It will be morning soon" and he walked out. I was amazed at his compassion for her. Super proud.
"He's usually reserved..."
I took my 15 year old son to India. He's usually reserved, and doesn't adapt well to change so I was concerned about the culture shock. He stepped so far out of his own self and truly engaged himself in everything we were fortunate to experience there. It was truly watching a boy become a man, And realize he's probably going to turn out to be a pretty cool man.
"After a few nights of zero sleep..."
I've got so many proud moments that I can't really pick one.
Recently, I've been absolutely amazed at my oldest son (6) at the simple fact that he can read and write and use his math skills. Its nothing special or unique I'm just proud that he's growing into his own and can express his ideas in more ways than just verbally.
Another moment that sticks out is not so much of a proud one as a heart warming one for myself is that I go to school full time and work; in general I'm hellish busy. After a few nights of zero sleep, I let my kids know on the way home that I was probably going to be a bit cranky and that it wasn't them at all, I just needed a good night of sleep. Well, when we got home the kids went into my younger son's room and I sat on the sofa to do more homework.
They were being awfully quiet and I was grateful. After a bit longer, My 5 year old came out asking for the vacuum. Now I'm curious, so I go to see what they were doing. They had cleaned their rooms. And I mean CLEANED. Shelves were dusted, toys organized- everything! They had also tidied up my room and made my bed! The next morning was Saturday and I slept in, when I woke up, I went to make coffee and realized that they even did the dishes for me :)
Considering at the ages 5 and 6, kids are so incredibly self absorbed- hell even as an adult I am, but this was so wonderfully sweet.
"The other day..."
The other day as I'm waiting outside the classroom to drop my daughter off at preschool we were looking at all the artwork from her class. Each kid has a picture on their assignment that matches the first letter of their first name. Tommy might have a turtle as his picture, for example. Over the course of the year, they dropped their names from their assignments and only left the picture in an effort to get the kids to associate pictures and letters.
In front of all the parents standing there, with only the pictures to go on, my daughter named every one of the kids' artworks by their name from memory of what their picture is. All the parents' mouths were agape.
"This is when a child becomes an adult..."
The moment when I was most proud of my children is when each of them chose to take responsibility for their actions and their lives.
This is when a child becomes an adult and many people never seem to cross this barrier. My children have done lots of other things that made me proud, but them choosing to be adults is definitely when I felt most proud of them.
"The older guy confronted my son..."
My son was 14 and playing (field) hockey for a men's team. It was getting heated and my son had run rings around one of the older guys.
The older guy confronted my son and said "You're a right little wanker aren't you?"
My son's response?
"Have you been watching?"
Proud dad!
"She was at the church..."
I'm not sure this counts, but I have an objectively cute baby who smiles a lot. She brings a lot of joy to strangers. Once I was in my church building and this elderly lady who didn't speak English well saw Baby Girl and came over to say hi. Baby Girl smiled like she does and this lady just broke down. She was at the church getting financial support and counseling for some hard stuff she had been going through (I gathered) and she kept calling my baby her angel. She was crying and smiling and took a picture of herself holding the baby and had me take a picture with my phone of her holding the baby and so on for like twenty minutes. I get that Baby Girl was just doing like she always do, but I was so proud that she had brought happiness into the life of someone going through a hard time.
It occurs to me that this is probably how owners of therapy dogs feel.
"He farted himself awake..."
He farted himself awake at the age of 2.
I knew then that he was truly my son.
Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences
Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?
The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.
Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.
And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.
In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.
So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?
Reddit user littlehoneybear2104 asked:
"What is the worst reason you've heard for cheating on someone?"
What's Old Is New Again
"He wanted to try something new."
"He cheated on me with his ex."
~ meeez80
GiphyPreemptive Strike
"Just in case he would ever cheat on me, I cheated first, so it's his fault for possibly cheating on me in the first place."
~ Competitive_Bat4986
Mission Accomplished
"To have a reason to end the relationship."
~ chewie_33
Tough Enough
"He said I'm strong and I can handle it."
"Like WTF? Does that give someone a free pass just to cheat?"
"Like we ain't tolerating that too. Done with that person."
~ drn-07
GiphyDream On
"Ex cheated on me because I cheated on her in a dream shehad and she was sure it was a sign that I was unfaithful in real life."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Oops!
"It was an accident."
"Yeah, 'I tripped and fell into her vagina' sounds legit."
~ dabbad525
GiphyGrow Up
"You didn’t show me enough attention the past few years! You didn’t take me anywhere! I’m the baby in my family, I need attention!”
"I worked 3 jobs, played with the kids, and finished a degree… during COVID while EVERYWHERE was closed."
~ hephaestus1219
Lockdown
"I was together with her for 14 years, married for 6 and this dipsh*t said we stagnated for a year during COVID because we didn’t go out anywhere...because she was deathly afraid of COVID."
"Some people are so pathetically stupid."
~ Virgin_nerd
GiphyUnsupervised
"My best friend in high school/college claimed it was my fault she cheated on her boyfriend because I left them in the room alone together with the she cheated with."
~ Smart_Form_9569
Too Perfect?
"My ex said it was because I was 'too perfect' and that he couldn't live up to the standard I had set by being who I was."
~ MarvelousShiggyDiggy
Trauma Response
"My cousin’s ex said she felt she had to hook up with the guy working the front register at Walgreens because of the events of 9-11."
"I’m not even kidding. This was on 9-11."
"She apparently was so upset she staggered into Walgreens and fell on the first guy she saw."
~ Big_Psychology_4210
In The Stars
"My ex cheated on me because 'August has new energy'—something to do with astrology. And yes, I mean the month August, not someone named August."
~ Frog-Thing
Giphy*yawn* 🥱
"The relationship just got boring"
"Their marriage seemed perfect inside and out, except she got bored of being a wife and mother."
"She tried fighting for the marriage after her affair partner died of a heart attack and husband called her out on her bullsh*t."
~ DevilinDeTales
Some people aren't meant for commitment, but that should be something they disclose to their partners before they cheat.
It would avoid a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!