Parents Reveal The Funniest Reason They've Been Called In To Collect Their Kids From School
Listen, kids are the literal best thing to happen to the world - as long as you aren't a fan of order or tidiness, literally or metaphorically speaking. As long as you embrace children as the beautiful agents of chaos that they are, you're good to go.
Not sure what I mean? You're about to be. Imagine you're at work, in your groove and you get a phone call saying you need to come pick up your child. Most of you imagined your kid being sick - but take it from these next few folks, you never actually know. They could be sick, they could have accidentally made a weapon while trying to take candy to a friend.
Reddit user OriginalSofaSoldier asked:
Parents of reddit, what's the funniest reason you've been called into school to collect your child?
I'm telling you guys, skilled agents of chaos. So skilled. Here are some of the more popular answers, edited for language or clarity as needed.
The Reddest Face
GiphyI got a phone call earlier this year from the school nurse, saying she was concerned because my son had passed out while in the lunch line. I went to pick him up and he seemed a little dazed, but ok. My kid couldn't remember anything about what happened beforehand, so I made an appointment with his pediatrician for an hour later.
Right as we were getting ready to leave, he sheepishly said "mom, I just remembered that right before I passed out, we were playing a game to see who could turn their face the reddest."
So, my kid had me thinking he had a brain tumor but no, he just held his breath until he passed out, and not a single other kid thought they should mention that to the teacher.
S's and F's
My youngest had a slight speech impediment when he was at nursery, he would replace his S's with F's to approximate the sound. I had to have a chat with the Head at pick up time because I'd unthinkingly used the phrase 'so long suckers' when pulling away from some traffic lights the day before and he liked the sound of it so much he used it himself.
Lunch Date
I was in an early morning college class and when I got out I realized I had missed calls, texts, and emails from my daughter's preschool. A voicemail said she had been throwing up and to please hurry and come get her. When I got to the school the receptionist showed me to a room where my daughter was sat with a trashcan on her lap. She told me my daughter kept announcing she was throwing up and then would cough and spit into the trashcan. She had no fever and was otherwise cheerful and talkative. I signed her out, got her outside and into my car where she jumped forward and kissed my cheek and told me she missed me and where would I like to go for lunch. That kid busted herself out of preschool to finagle a lunch date with me. It worked.
Not In Class
I got a call that my son was sick and that I had to come pick him up. He was completely fine that morning. I asked the nurse, "he really can't go back to class?" and she said, "he says he's really sick." Fine.
I picked him up and on the walk home I asked what was up. He said he had to fart really badly and didn't want to do it in class. I laughed and said ok.
Two days later I get another call to pick him up. So I got him and it was for the same reason. I told him that it was funny once but that from now on, if he needed to fart in class, he should go to the bathroom lol.
Giving Forgery A Whirl
I was called in because the elementary school was going on a field that my son forgot to give me the permission slip for. He decided to give forgery a whirl. This was in first grade so the handwriting was awful. He also signed my name "Mom."
Blue Flannel
My mother was called to pick me and my twin sister up because we were turning blue. I think it was 4th grade. We felt fine though. It was only after she arrived that we all remembered she had put brand-new blue flannel sheets on our bed the night before.. apparently she hadn't washed them first.
Black Eyeshadow
I was the child, in sixth grade (I was 12). I was in my emo phase and was wearing a lot of black eye shadow from Claire's. I guess I wasn't so good at my makeup yet because they called my mom into the office to discuss my injuries and who was "hurting me"
Pardon My French
That was in elementary school, early years. The principal called us and looked at us with a stern look of disapproval while telling us our son was using bad language. I then proceeded to explain to her that my wife and I only spoke French at home and we did not have television. The only English our son had ever heard was at school, so I asked her what she was going to do about it. It was one of the shortest conversations I ever had with a principal.
Da Bomb
When my daughter was in 2nd or 3rd grade, i got a call about a present she had brought to school. So, the night before, she asked to go to the store to buy some Rolos because it was her friends birthday. She wrapped them up, and put them in her back pack. I never saw her finish them up or i would have stopped her. She had wrapped each rolo in red paper, bundled a few together, put little black pipe cleaner fuses on them, and attached a note that said "your da bomb". The school was not amused. I thought it was very clever though. There were no repercussions thankfully.
Fromage
Nephew is staying with me for 2 months ,I showed him Dexter's Laboratory for the first time, next day they call me to pick him up because he would only say "Omelette du Fromage" to any interaction
- Hawkov
Amazing Things You Might Not Realize Your Phone Can Do
Reddit user napjerks asked: 'What do most people not know their phones can do?'
In this day and age, we all have cell phones, and we know that they are pocket-sized computers that we can control in the palm of our hand.
But there are many incredibly cool features that most of us don't even know are there, but which would make our experience with our phones that much better.
Redditor napjerks asked:
"What do most people not know their phones can do?"
White Noise
"iPhone has a hidden white noise generator. Technically it's an accessibility feature. It can do Balanced noise, Bright noise, Dark noise, Ocean, Rain, and Stream."
"Go to Go to Settings, then Accessibility, then Audio/Visual (under Hearing), and finally Background Sounds."
"It's awesome. I use it all the time! Works great with AirPods with noise cancellation enabled. Really helps me focus in a chaotic environment."
"(Bonus: Your Mac has the same white noise generator too.)"
- trammeloratreasure
Translated Visuals
"You can use the translate app with your camera to translate printed text in real-time."
- ptear
Parked Car Location
"I have my iPhone set so that when it disconnects from my car's Bluetooth, it remembers that location in Apple Maps as 'Parked Location.' When I'm going back to the car, I just search for 'Parked Location' in Maps and it takes me directly to where the car is."
- TotallyNotHank
Easy 9-1-1 Dialing
"You can repeatedly click the side button like eight times or so to dial 911. I didn’t know that until I did it by accident."
- lazlobutts
Easy Photo Search
"In the photos app you can search a phrase like 'cat' or 'green car' or certain texts or anything really and it will bring up every photo related. It’s not perfect but it’s saved me tons of time searching for old photos."
"I’ve showed this to dozens of people and nobody has ever said I already knew that… Hope I can help someone else!"
- J-Uchila-S
Ability to Eavesdrop
"On iPhone, when you have air pods connected, tap the top right menu like you would to see the regular options, and at the bottom, there is an ear. When you click that, you get to turn off background sounds and live listen."
"If you turn live listen on, it is almost a super hearing aid. You can leave your phone when you leave a room and you will hear everything around your phone."
- DullResolve4348
Metal Detection
"Metal detection."
"About five years ago, a coworker and I knew a hallway in our building had a pipe cleanout that we needed to access, buried under the concrete floor. We didn't know where exactly. He downloaded a metal detector app, it flagged a spot, we dug, and it was right there."
- HatsAreEssential
Text Cursor Accessibility
"Tap and hold the space bar to move your text cursor tool back and forth with precision."
"Every time I do it in front of someone, they've been like, 'Wait, do that again,' and they act like I just made their lives way better."
- GregoryGoose
Print to Save PDF
"'Print' a document to get a pdf! I help people with this so much in my job where people need to send me documents. Often they're expecting to see a 'Save' or 'Save as PDF' option, and that may just not be there."
"They're surprised when you suggest trying to 'print' without access to a printer, and pleased when they see that it works."
- PinkNGreenFluoride
Similar Photo Recognition
"If you take a picture of a flower, you can hold it down and click 'info,' and it will search for what it is."
- Forward-Mirror5621
Zooming In and Out Abilites
"In any app with a map (Apple Maps, Google Maps, Lyft, Yelp, etc.), if you double tap and HOLD on the second tap, you can zoom in AND out of the map by moving your thumb up and down."
"Really great if you’re one-handing a phone when your other hand is preoccupied with a watermelon or a baby."
- lord_florbo
Light Intensity Control
"On an iPhone, if you hold the flashlight button, it gives you a dimmer."
- CoffeePorters
Brightness Control
"If you feel like your brightness is still too high, you can actually reduce the white point further in settings."
- chunkylover53aaolcom
Physical Protection
"It can be used as a weapon. I'm serious."
"Once when I was about 15, a guy came over to me and put his arms on each side of me. He was a lot older than me and I remember him saying I needed to be quiet. He then said something I don't feel comfortable sharing online but before he could do anything,I took the corner of my phone and smashed it into his collar bone."
"I was nowhere near 'strong,' but it made him fall back and I had enough time to run and get help."
"Use your phone as a weapon, especially Motorola, those things are sturdy."
- LooseGur7348
Volume Etiquette
"When headphones are not available the speaker does not have to be used and in general the volume can be turned down."
- darybrain
"But then how will the rest of the airplane know what I’m listening to? Or the bus know what I'm arguing about?"
- TheSummonersTail
These are all great examples of how we can take our technological access to the next step and use our devices to their full potential.
Depending on where you live, It's hard to be friendly with strangers because you really don't know about a person.
Gone are the days when you struck up a conversation with a random stranger just to pass the time.
Nowadays, you never know whom you're dealing with, and it's better to stay vigilant and be discerning about a person's character when you're out in public.
It's a sad way to be, but it's the way people are socialized in a very divided and bonkers climate.
Those who had unsettling interactions in public with people they hardly know shared their experiences when Redditor SilentBaker8893Baker8893 asked:
"People of Reddit, what's the creepiest encounter you've had with a complete stranger that still gives you chills?"
Keep an eye out behind you.
You never know if you have a new friend.
Give Me Your Number
"I was in a grocery store doing my weekly shop, and was approached by a man who said I was pretty and asked for my number. No intros, no asking me how I’m doing, just getting straight to it. I politely declined and said I wasn’t interested. He became persistent, so I ended up telling him to just give me his number so I could end the interaction."
"After he gives me his number, I go back to shopping without incident (or so I think). It turns out that this man was keeping an eye on me from the dairy section as i was walking up and down the aisles. As I’m getting ready to head to checkout, he decides to approach me again. This time, he’s super agitated and raises his voice while asking why I won’t just give him my number. I decide to be direct, and tell him that I said I wasn’t interested and I will not be giving my number to a stranger. He really had an issue with it, became irate, and had to be removed from the store. I was walked to my car, and he ended up following me out of the parking lot."
"I was on my street when I noticed I was being followed, drove past my house, and started driving towards the police station in my city. He followed me until he realized I was turning into that driveway and then sped off. Luckily I haven’t seen him since."
– Dismal_Ingenuity2247
The Homophobe
"I was walking home from work around 11 pm from Wrigley Field in Chicago. I walked home every night for years through these parts and never had any issue. I had my music in but never listened loud just in case. For about a mile I could hear someone yelling behind me, but they weren’t close and I couldn’t make out anything they were saying. I started to get a really bad vibe and decided to mute my music for a bit."
"I started to hear the voice getting closer but still couldn’t make anything out until I heard a distinct 'I just really really DONT like gay people.' I turned around and saw an old janky dude just sprinting at me full force from behind, I remember his arms were flailing in the air uncontrollably. I decided quickly to just cross the street and see if he would follow me. I turned to stare at him as he slowed to a walk and stayed on his side of the street. Once he was parallel to me, without even glancing over, he calmly said 'That’s exactly what I would have done.' And continued on, turning left into the train station about a block ahead. Gave me the creepiest feeling. I definitely was ready to fight if I needed, but dude had the most whacked out posture and vibe I’d ever seen."
– jaaaayy13
The Face Changes
"When my son was a toddler, I made a late night run to a 24 hour Walgreens to pick up a prescription for him. We lived in an urban area where that Walgreens was actually busy at that time of night. It was also right next to a Metro stop and was not a place where most people drove, so parking was super limited. I ended up parking at a curb a bit away from the store. When I got back to my car a youngish, very normal (by my estimation) guy came up to my window. I rolled it down a bit and he said 'I think I know you from xyz place.' I had actually been to xyz place before (xyz place was also a very popular place), so I tried to remember him."
"In that spilt second that I hesitated trying to remember him, his eyes went completely black, his whole face changed, and he grabbed the door handle of my car and tried to open it. I put the car in drive and peeled out of there, looking straight ahead. Only when I got to a red light a few streets away did I realize that the overhead light was on. He had actually opened my door a bit, and I hadn’t realized. I never forgot his face. How it changed. I remember one of Ted Bundy’s victims (survivor obviously) described how his face went from normal, attractive, friendly to black-eyed, unrecognizable, and frenzied. That’s how this man transformed. There were some missing women in our city, and I always wondered if this guy did it."
– teeshirtandundies
These are reminders to stay vigilant when traveling.
Stalker
"Driving across the country with my wife and dog, we stopped at a gas station around midnight. I was coming out of the bathroom, and I saw the guy mopping the floor had stopped, and was just staring out the window at my wife, who had finished letting the dog pee and was slowly walking back to the car."
"There was a super creepy guy slowly sneaking up behind her. He was like 20 feet back, but quietly getting closer, and my wife had no idea. So I got out of the gas station real quick, and loudly went over to them, hugged the dog said let's get going, etc. The second I walked over to them the guy turned around and ran away."
"My wife never knew there was a guy sneaking up behind her until I told her once we got back in the road."
– Veritas3333
Cadillac In The Rear View
"I was driving on a back road at night heading to my parents house when a Cadillac started following me. It was a one lane road at night, dizzling on and off and this guy I notice has been following me for a little over 2 miles. At first I thought it was paranoia, so I used my blinker and they copied me. Every time I did it. A sole blue light then went off on their hood behind me I guess trying to get me to pull over. I called 911 and stayed on the line until the police intercepted me. Lst: the guy ended up being wanted on warrants for skipping bail on an SA charge. Definitely came way too close that night."
– Successful_Arm_7509
A Beautiful Distraction
"I was in Vienna during Christmas break. There is a large open air market in the middle of the city and thousands of people were milling about, eating, drinking, and shopping in the evening."
"A very attractive blonde woman with light blue eyes bumps into me, and in accented English apologizes. I said ‘No worries’ and we started chatting. She says she’s from Poland and she’s here for New Years visiting a friend. I mentioned I’m American but Polish in heritage and we continue to talk for several minutes. She says that she’s hungry and wants to get food. I offered to buy her a slice of pizza at a booth. I get one for both of us and she takes a bite and says she doesn’t like it and wants to go to a place away from the town center."
"Something about how quickly she rejected the pizza, which was quite good, set off alarms and I wished her a pleasant evening and walked away. I looped around the town center and coincidentally saw her walking down an alley with two large men, one on each side of her…very quickly I realized that she was bait to draw me into an alley so they could mug me."
"I definitely dodged a bullet that day."
– LaximumEffort
Listen To Your Gut
"I had a similar thing happen to me."
"Years ago I was in Edinburgh for the fringe festival. I was drunk walking back to my hotel when I passed by a bar and I hear an American voice say 'Hug me, it's my birthday'. She was cute and she sounded sad so I gave her a hug a cigarette and we started talking."
"We chatted for a few minutes, I can't remember many of the small details but I remember a few things that big red flags for me. The first was the she said she was in the UK doing an internship in becoming a pharmacist and every so often a word just wouldn't come out right. It just hit my ears wrong."
"My sister-in-law is a pharmacist and I remembered her talking about how hard it was to get her program to sign off on an internship in another state, let alone another country. And I got lost in that thought for a second when the girl said she just wanted to ditch her friends, and go anywhere else. And that's when it hit me why her words weren't hitting my ear right... she was trying to hide an accent. Sounded Irish to me but it didn't matter. At this point I had decided that I wanted to keep my kidneys so I gave her another cigarette and a hug, wished her a happy birthday and walked away.
"I don't know that I dodged a bullet but I'm pretty sure I was going to end up robbed or worse."
– NicktheEvil
These Redditors saw the red flags and avoided disaster.
Daughter Whisperer
"My wife and I stopped at a park with our then 7 year old daughter. My wife went off on her own for a few to look at some trees while I took my daughter over to the bank of the lake. Seemingly of nowhere this really creepy guy walked up and started addressing my daughter while ignoring me. He was going on about how to attract the ducks and was positioning himself in a way to get in between us. I did a quick calculation where I had a base set up to kick his @ss into the ropes along the edge of the lake which would trip him at his knees and send him into the water. I had my daughter by the hand and just interrupted the guy and pulled her away, the guy turned around and went right to his car, and left immediately. My insticts were strongly indicating that this man intended to abduct my daughter, and the chills from that experience still haunt me many years later."
– NorthernH3misphere
Item Was Not For Sale
"When I was 9, I was in K-mart with my uncle in the television section (remember when k-mart had those separate rooms for the tv's and big electronics?) It was Saturday morning and he sat me and my little sister down and told us to watch the cartoons on the tv's while he hunted down a sales person. Not 2 minutes after he was gone, we approached my 2 men and they tried everything to lure us out. We were petrified and didn't say a word. They finally lifted my sister to carry her out and was reaching for me when my sister peed on the one guy. He dropped her and she started crying. My uncle heard her and came running. The guys bolted. I still think about that all the time. We were so lucky that day."
– TheLastMo-Freakin
Wrong Signal
"When I was about 6 years old (this would have been around 1990), I was riding my big wheel bike down my block in a DC suburb. The way our street was situated, at the end of the block was the entrance to an alleyway that took you behind all the houses. I would frequently turn down the alley and go behind our house and enter through our back gate."
"As I got towards the end of the block, a car was coming and I stopped and waved my hand indicating that they could go ahead and I would wait for them to pass. The driver in the car refused to go and motioned for me to turn instead. So I went ahead and entered the alley."
"I got about halfway up the alley not quite to my house when someone grabbed me from behind. It was the driver and she was pissed. She had turned into the alley after me , drove down, parked her car in the middle of the alley and gotten out. She yanked me up by the arm, and screamed in my face 'Don't you ever use police signals with me!' I immediately began sobbing, ran to my house and told my parents. By the time they ran out the back door, the driver was gone."
"I'm 38 now and still think about it."
– hoyahoyahoya
Offering A Ride Home
It doesn't give me chills but I do reflect and wonder what would have happened."
"We had just moved from Illinois to Florida. I had just turned 12, so this was '86. It was a weekend; I don't remember the specific day. I got up early and went to the basketball court in the apartment complex I lived in. Started playing and this hatchback pulls up. Guy gets out of the car and asks if he can shoot around with me. He's talking to me, don't remember the actual conversation. I do remember him telling me that he had a job interview and needed to borrow a comb. He asked me if I had one and I told him yeah. He asked to borrow it and I said sure, I just need to go grab it real quick. He said that he would drive me and I told him, 'no, that's ok. I live right over there and I could walk'. He was pretty insistent on giving me a ride. Finally I just told him that I'd be right back. Went towards my house through the courtyard, but never went there. Waited around the corner to see what he was doing. One of the older girls that I played ball with showed up. He left a couple minutes later."
"Coming from small town Illinois, I was pretty naive. But that whole thing felt off. The dude didn't bother me; just the insistence on him giving me a ride."
– ReapYerSole
The term "Stranger Danger" was used heavily in TV programs and public service announcements aimed at children during the 80s through the early 2000s.
It basically educated kids to be aware of possible dangers associated with adults they don't know.
The same could even apply for adults.
I once interacted with a guy at the Gap in Manhattan while I was shopping for a pair of shorts and I initially thought he was "normal." He was a really good-looking customer–with dark hair, blue eyes, 6'2–who told me that the pair of shorts I was holding at the time would look very attractive on me.
I was flattered, and we got to talking. I was impressed by how articulate and smart he was, and I was under the impression he might be flirting with me.
He wasn't.
Long story short, he gave me his number and insisted I call him for information about this group he was a part of and that I would be the perfect candidate for joining and making money and going on various retreats around the world attending seminars on how we could better ourselves.
Yup. He was too good to be true.
Knowing he was trying scam me into joining some pyramid scheme-y cult group (I still have no idea what it was), I said I'll call him only if he went out with me for coffee after shopping and if he let me passionately make out with him while I was wearing the shorts he thought would look hot on me.
I was kidding, of course.
But he didn't know that. Suddenly, his entire demeanor changed. He called me a homophobic slur and stormed out of the store.
He even left his bag of purchases, and I yelled out before he exited, "Sir, you left your bag!"
Turns out it was a prop.
Careful, everyone. Don't be fooled by a gorgeous smile.
There are despicable people in our midst who can hide their true colors until it's too late.
It's all unfortunate really, as I've generally lost trust in people.
My experience–along with separate mugging incidents–has left me acting socially awkward when out on my own in public.
When a co-worker or colleague gets fired, it naturally gets the rest of the office talking.
Namely, because everyone is immediately wondering why?
In some cases, the reason is no secret to anyone working there, and everyone knew it would only be a matter of time until this unfortunate individual got the sack.
Other times, someone's dismissal ends up taking everyone by surprise, and people begin speculating at the water cooler.
Most of the time, their gossip and conspiracy theories are way off, but in some rare occasions, they were spot on.
"Why was that one guy fired from your work?"
Sleeping On The Job Is One Thing...
"HVAC residential installer."
"Had a co-worker take a nap in the customer's house."
"In the customer's bed."
"Was confused why he was fired."- Wiggles349
That's Called Stealing...
"Work at a payroll company, we had an employee who Switched like 20 direct deposits to her own account."
"It was all very traceable and she was caught like later that day."- Familiar_Cow_5501
"Once worked at a big online retailer (Not amazon), we had 3 warehouses we shipped out of."
"One was smaller and only held one specific brand of item."
"The warehouse manager of that warehouse was fired and arrested at work."
"Turned out he was fulfilling orders printing labels with correct addresses, which would be emailed to the client."
"Then he would the next day do redirects through the Fedex system and assign new tracking numbers so the old ones wouldn't show final delivery address, just that it was changed."
"Everything got redirected to his house."
"He then was re-listing the same items on Ebay under a VERY similar company name to the one he actually worked for (not exact but changed the word World, to National)."- CoolHandRK1
Stealing Mike D GIF by Beastie BoysGiphyNOT Ready Player One...
"He spent the entire time playing a game on his own handheld console instead of testing the game we were doing overtime to actually test."
"Got very angry at being let go."- silverandstuffs
Violence Is Never The Answer
"He shouted, cursed at and invited the cleaning guy to 'meet him' outside to fight because he was denied access to the restroom until it was fully cleaned."
"The cleaning guy is known for being extremely calm, polite and nice to everyone."
"For someone to have a problem with him means that they have to be a certain kind of entitled a**hole."
"This happened in view of at least 10 co-wokers, me included."
"Everyone was confused, but our manager was proactive about it."
"He told the guy to meet him at the HR office, and was promptly fired."
"After the manager returned, he made a quick meeting."
"His words were: 'We're all grown adults here, well, some of us are'."
"'I just want to put it out there and say that I'll be considerably harsh to anyone that disrespects any coworker, specially when they're responsible for making sure that your a** cheeks sit on a clean toilet'."
"'Also, don't invite people to fight you if you're not willing to go through with it'."
"After the meeting was over, some of us asked him what he meant with that last sentence and he told us that the guy got violent in the HR office and invited him to fight in the parking lot when he was told he was getting terminated."- novato1995
Season 1 Fighting GIF by GaslitGiphyOh No He Didn't!
"Stealing the boss's Pop Tarts."- MGris24
If Your Going To Lie, Always Cover Your Tracks...
"He claimed he was in the national search and rescue brigade which is entirely volunteer-based."
"They are sorta like our troops, they get perks and can't be fired if they get called out and so on."
"He skipped work all the time claiming it was because he was called in."
"One day someone from the office decided to check if he was and turned out he lied about the whole thing."
"I'm pretty sure he got blacklisted by the entire city which would explain why I haven't heard anything about him for years."- Lizzy_Of_Galtar
You'd Think He Would Have At Least Used Incognito Mode...
"Well, there *was* the new CFO who was shown the door at lunchtime on his first day."
"Then the stock email about 'Do not use the corporate internet to visit inappropriate websites' was sent out."- OldBob10
She Wasn't Even Working From Home!
"She watched Netflix at her desk and took naps."
"With the volume up."
"Her desk was in the middle of the office, there was no hiding."
"She also f*cked up a lot."- SuperstitiousPigeon5
Truth Is Often Stranger Than Fiction
"Worked at a publication."
"Hired a new guy who was super nice and everybody liked him."
"Within a week, found he was plagiarizing everything he wrote."
"Immediately gone - no questions asked."- phznmshr
Could He Have Possibly Been Bird Watching?
"He was keeping sick and injured birds under his desk that he found on his lunch breaks and using binoculars to watch people in other offices."- seanofkelley
Bird Watching GIF by Team CocoGiphyIt's Not Private If It's On The Country's Dime...
"Using govt funds to see his mistress."- Acceptable-Result-47
Tragic On So Many Levels
"He was caught stealing cash from work, and spending it on sex workers."
"Turns out he had terminal cancer and wanted to go out with a bang."- Throwaway7219017
Up In The Air...
"Salesman addicted to frequent flier points."
"He'd book flights with four segments each way, meaning extra nights in hotels and basically doing almost no work two days a week."
"He was told repeatedly to book direct flights but just wouldn't."
"Two kids in college and the finally fired him."- mekonsrevenge
check in george clooney GIF by Paramount MoviesGiphyThere is often more behind someone's termination than what people hear.
Sometimes it's bad blood, sometimes it's criminal behavior, sometimes it's budget cuts.
Most of the time, though, people are just really, REALLY, bad at their jobs...
Usually, it’s men that get a bad reputation for being creepy, and we rarely hear about when ladies have crossed that line. But women are guilty of doing and saying some weird things too. If you don’t believe me, here are 50 hilarious tales of when Reddit users experienced full creep mode from a lady friend.
1. Crazy Level Confirmed
Last year I changed the privacy setting on my Facebook account to make some of my posts public. I soon found out this was a huge mistake. My crazy ex-wife who I had successfully ghosted for 20 years jumped on there and tried to strike up a conversation. How crazy, you ask?
We were at a restaurant with her family one time and I got that “spidey sense” feeling when a woman is angry and not saying why. It eventually came out that she saw me "holding hands with the waitress and planning a quickie in the back room". I never interacted with the waitress beyond ordering food from her.
Another time she confessed that she purposely caused a rollover accident before we met, in an attempt to hurt her family. Another time I was taking a shower and smelled smoke. It was coming from the plastic handle of the butcher blade she had hidden in the bathroom light fixture.
2. Took Her Long Enough
A girl I dated stalked me for five years after we broke up.
She kept writing me letters at every address I lived during that five-year period. If she didn't have the address, she'd send them care of my parents. The most memorable one is the one where she told me she was married and "he's a great guy but he's not you".
Once, not long after I'd moved to a new address, I came home and found a box of cookies she'd FedExed to me.
Eventually I moved to a new state. I knew from her return addresses that she lived and worked there, and was worried we'd run into each other, but realized that was pretty unlikely. Then after less than a year, she found me through a blog I was keeping and left a message on my voicemail demanding we meet.
I posted a message to her on my blog telling her to stop following me or I'd call the authorities. Up to that point I'd been ignoring her, hoping she'd take the hint. That night she called, and I repeated my threat to bring the authorities in. I haven't heard from her since.
Five years. And we were only together for six months in the first place.
3. This Went Way Too Far
woman with sunglasses standing outdoor during daytimePhoto by Katsiaryna Endruszkiewicz on UnsplashBack when I was 16 and still in school, a female classmate became really obsessed with me. She would send me tons of weird messages. She was also always trying to pair with me in science class, and just staring at me a lot of the time. I was usually just polite in return, and never went out my way to interact with her. But then it escalated.
She ended up getting really creepy, and getting me in a lot of trouble. At one point her messages became genuinely worrying, and I did not know what to do. I remember the night it got really bad was when she sent me a picture of my name carved into her arm. I had no idea what to do. In hindsight, I should've told someone straight away.
The next day in fact, I was preparing to tell one of the teachers or just anyone, possibly to get her help. But before I could she was telling people I told her to carve my name in her arm. It was as a pretty bad time. I got targeted at school that day, had the authorities come to my house, my phone got taken, and I was being treated like a felon.
Everyone apart from my two main friends at school seemed to think I was in the wrong. But I was in for worse. The next day while at school, I get called into the principal's office and told I am being expelled. My parents were called. They were very angry and took me home. They didn’t want to listen to my explanation or side of the story.
Thank God that night the authorities came around with my phone and told me they'd established that I had nothing to do with her doing that. They apologized to me and seemed pretty genuinely sorry.
4. Her Timing Was Off
I was seeing this girl and we went out three or four times. Eventually we got to intimate times, and I brought protection but she said it was fine, she was on the pill. A few days later she called me crying, looking for me to console her.
Turns out she was crying because she wasn't pregnant. She wasn't on the pill at all, it turned out, and now that she wasn't pregnant after our romp, she thought she must be barren. Young me learned an important lesson that day and I didn't speak to her again.
5. This Is Just Cruel
I met a girl a while back when online chat rooms were popular. She just got out of a bad relationship. We started chatting and from the get-go I told her I only wanted to be friends. We shared similar interests, enjoyed each other's company, and through talking found out we actually didn't live too far from each other.
We'd meet up from time to time to play video games and hang out. After about two weeks of being friends, she admitted that she was having feelings for me. I said that's sweet but I only see you as a friend and I'd like to keep it that way. From that point on she would make intimate advances, which I kept refusing.
She progressively kept going into more detail of all the "nasty things" she'll do to me. Most of which made me feel super uncomfortable. After a month I couldn't handle all the uncomfortable behavior and decided that we couldn't be friends any longer. When I told her our friendship was over, she threatened to tell lies to the authorities about me.
It's hard to describe what I felt that day, but it was mostly fear. I blocked her from everything and blocked her phone number. Luckily that was the last I heard of her.
6. I Bet He Chooses His Words More Wisely Now
man in white dress shirt holding black penPhoto by Caroline LM on UnsplashMy dentist told me this story once. He was still studying to be a dentist and they would work free clinics, often in the poor areas around the campus, for practical requirements. A girl came in a few times to have some cavities filled and by the last session, he said, "Great, we're done, all your holes are filled".
To which she apparently replied, in the chair giving him bad sleep-with-me eyes, "not all of them". His wife (then serious girlfriend) was the dental assistant, and he says the combination of location, situation, and the circumstances creeped him out so much he nearly ran out of the office.
7. It’s The Hair That Got Me On This One
Ok so here’s mine. I was at summer camp for blind and visually impaired people, and we were going somewhere. I was on the bus and me and my friend were talking and all of a sudden, he said: “Oh yeah, by the way there’s this girl that told me that she likes you and that she’s going to sneak into your room and watch you sleep. She wanted you to know that".
I didn’t believe it at first, but the next morning I noticed that I lost some hair. And then I thought to myself, “Okay, what the actual heck is going on here”. And then it happened every night. The next year I went, it happened again, and then I started to make sure my window was locked.
I then heard knocking repeatedly, plus: “I know you’re in there, open the window”, in a whispered voice. I got the heck out right then and there.
8. A Secret Admirer Gone Too Far
Back when I was 19-20 years old, I had a part-time counter job at local shop. After work, I started finding notes tucked under my windshield wiper when I went out to my car. They were casual, "You’re so cute, I want to get to know you" type of notes. There was no name or anything, so I just kind of shrugged it off and went about my business.
The notes started becoming more frequent, and eventually turned into full on love letters. They talked about being lonely and wanting to be my girlfriend, but she was too shy to talk to me. At that point I started to get concerned, so I asked the people I worked with if they knew anything.
None of them knew a thing about it, but thought it was hilarious. Then something really put me over the top. One night I went out to my car as usual. This time there was nothing on my windshield, but I get in my car and notice a wrapped present with an envelope taped to it. I open the gift, it's a very expensive bottle of booze, which I threw out.
I read the letter and its super inappropriate and vulgar, clearly from a woman. I still have no idea who is doing this. This keeps on going with a different gift the next few nights; a CD from my favorite band, a gift card to a restaurant. At this point I'm super freaked out and talk to my boss to see if there is anything they could do.
They basically shut me down and wished me good luck with the issue. That night I triple checked to make sure my car door was locked, and sure enough, after my shift another bottle and a letter. I called my boss the next day and quit. Never went back, never found out who it was.
9. Gotcha There
woman in blue tank top standing beside white wallPhoto by ThisisEngineering RAEng on UnsplashI started a new job and I shared a small office with a woman my age and a couple of other people. She was kind of cute but also weird and super naïve; she grew up in a very rural area. She'd flirt with me a lot, but I wasn't interested.
So, she started sending me emails. They were super long, detailing her whole day. And she sent them to me every day. I never responded. Then one day she sent me this long email confessing her love. I replied with the (very obvious) reasons why it wouldn't work and asked her to stop sending me emails every day.
She didn't. They kept coming. This went on for months. I asked her in person and online to stop, but I still got these email memoirs every day. Eventually, I had another female office mate who was her friend have a talk with her. Finally, the emails stopped.
Not too long after, I moved very far away. Like, the other side of the world far away. That's when I found out some extremely disturbing news. Another office mate sent me an email after I had been there a few months asking me what city I lived in. I told her, and she wrote back that she had heard the crazy emailer was moving there.
To this same small city halfway around the world. That couldn't be a coincidence, right? I asked the office mate for more details, and it got creepier and creepier. She was moving into my neighborhood, she had gotten a job nearby, and she was looking for an "old friend”.
It was about a week before the old office mate finally came clean that she was messing with me.
10. New Girl Intuition
The girl I was dating asked if I had changed the locks since breaking up with my ex, even though the breakup was months prior. I'm like, "No, but she wasn't a crazy person so I never worried about it".
She said if I didn’t change the locks, she wasn’t comfortable sleeping over. So, I changed the locks. I wasn't prepared for what happened next. This ex sent me an angry text the next day saying, "So you changed your locks huh? Real nice, jerk". Apparently she had been coming over this whole time and doing who knows what.
11. Young Crushes
When I was about 17 years old, I worked at a cafeteria and some girls (who were around 11 and 13) were chasing me for weeks. They even waited in front of my door when I had to go to work to chase me all the way up there.
One day I was working and the cafeteria was full of people when the 11-year-old girl said "When can I sleep with you?" Everyone instantly looked at me. Uncomfortable isn’t even the right word to describe my feelings at that moment.
12. Blood, Sweat And Tears
person cutting vegetables with knifePhoto by Alyson McPhee on Unsplash"Did you enjoy that dinner? I put my blood in it. Now part of me is inside of you".
Yes, this actually happened. I thought she meant she put a lot of work into it, like, "blood, sweat, and tears", so asked her. Nope, it was way worse than I thought. She actually showed me the cut she made to bleed herself into the dinner.
13. Run, Just Run
This girl I was seeing said, and did, something super creepy: "Just so you know, I wrote your name on my leg with a boxcutter so I'll always have you near me". I had no idea how to respond to that. I really hope it didn’t scar forever, because we are definitely not still together.
14. Woof, Woof
When I was in grade school, a girl snuck up behind me in gym class to sniff my butt. I caught her in the act, and just felt gross.
15. Stand-In Boyfriend
smiling man standing near green treesPhoto by Warren on UnsplashI have a good creepy story. There were some foreign students in a local university, who all told their family and friends back home they have an American boyfriend. They decided to work together to trick the people back home by getting a random average guy to pose in pictures with them, and even treat him to a nice dinner. I’ve was that guy.
16. Friend Zone Revenge
Someone I considered a friend started to catch feelings for me. She then found out I had a girlfriend and I didn't feel the same for her. Her response was deranged. First, she found out who my girlfriend was somehow.
She then messaged her and tried to tell her that I was cheating on her with her and that I was…into younger girls (the "friend" was a couple of years younger than us). Luckily, I was with my girlfriend when she got that message so I could explain the situation, then we blocked her.
The next day she messaged her again from an alternate account.
17. Cruise Ship Creep
I once got a message on Instagram from a girl I had met on a cruise saying she loved our time together and asking if I preferred her over my girlfriend. I had maybe spoken to her once and always with people around, so obviously nothing had happened.
My girlfriend was with me when the messages came through, so it was tough to explain at first. You can't really prove something isn't true without witnesses. Looking back now, I just wonder why someone would ever actively try to mess up someone else's life for no reason.
18. Oh, So It’s That Kind Of Party
group of people tossing wine glassPhoto by Kelsey Chance on UnsplashIn my early 20s, I was at a party and the hosting woman suddenly, full-on grabbed at my pants. Strange, yes. But what made it creepy is that we were right in front of her mother, who was cheering her on.
19. And This Is Why We Don’t Use Phone Books Anymore
Some girl found out my address from the phone book—this was the 90s—and she sat outside my house for multiple nights. She stayed ALL night, just watching my house. I live in the middle of the woods, miles outside of town. We only had one date and agreed to leave it at that. I found out some time later what she had been doing.
20. Anything But That
The creepiest thing a girl has ever said to me was: "I kind of write Twilight fan fiction". It was an instant deal breaker for me.
21. Not Cool
a young boy holding his hands upPhoto by Oyemike Princewill on UnsplashI met this girl online and talked to her a bit. I did start to like her. Later, I found out that the picture she showed me of herself was actually a picture of her friend who had died from cancer some years back. I was mortified.
22. Never Give Up
I’ve had a girl create about 50 different Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram accounts, all to try to get me to friend her. I’ve never met this woman in person, and yet every few weeks I’ll get a handful of friend requests from her.
23. Too Soon
A woman once said to me, “I want a baby. I think you'd make beautiful babies”. I was only 18-years-old at the time. That definitely creeped me out.
24. She’s Closer Than You Thought
people sitting down inside vehiclePhoto by Mitchell Johnson on UnsplashI chatted with a girl online for a few days back in the day. One day we were chatting and she said that I looked sad on the bus that morning. There was just one problem. I had never met her in person.
25. Sealed With Love
I would have to say the creepiest thing for me was when a girl I barely knew figured out my class schedule. She would then leave me letters in sealed envelopes, giving them to my teachers to give to me.
26. Well, You Don’t Win If You Don’t Try
I was going to head home after a night out, and as I was getting into my taxi a girl jumped in after me. I asked what they were doing and she said "I'm coming home with you". Nope. The taxi driver helped me and she got out of the car eventually, but only after I repeatedly shot down her advances.
27. Hopefully She Wasn’t Projecting
brown short coated dog running on green grass field during daytimePhoto by Emil Priver on UnsplashI’m going to keep this one short because it really packs a punch…I once dated a girl who thought it was suspicious that a single guy had a female dog.
28. Daddy Issues
A girl I was hooking up with asked me to dress up in army gear and act tough. Okay, sounds reasonable enough, everybody is allowed to have their tastes in the bedroom. But I didn't know what she was really planning. She timed all this so that her dad was getting home mid-act. I freaked out and ran out of there.
29. That Escalated Quickly
The woman I was seeing carved my initials into her arm. Me, being the genius that I was, was flattered and married her.
I was not a smart man. We later divorced after I found her in bed with her teenage cousin. I’ll say it again: I. Was. Not. A. Smart. Man.
30. The Trash Took Itself Out
green trash bin beside brown buildingPhoto by Jake Heidecker on UnsplashA girl came up to me and said: "I had a dream that you and I messed around behind the dumpster, and I can't get it out of my head. Come on, let's go". And then she grabbed me by the waist to lead the way.
For context, I was in high school and this girl was "friends" with my longtime girlfriend, and everyone knew about our relationship. It was closed, monogamous, unexciting, and sweet. And this fake friend pulled this nonsense.
I was angry. But I didn't turn her in because who knows what she'd say I did to school admins. I did tell my then-girlfriend, who cut her off forever.
31. Hopefully He Got A Copy Of This
My ex wrote her 30-page final paper about me, going into great detail about how bad of a boyfriend I was. We were only exclusive for two months.
32. Don’t Forget The Hot Chocolate
I had a girl ask me to break into her apartment and make her hot chocolate in her kitchen, while she hid, scared in her bedroom… then I was supposed to go in and get it on with her. It was some weird role play idea. She really emphasized the hot chocolate though, which is what was weird to me. Especially because we didn’t even drink it.
33. Classic
pregnant near doorPhoto by Camylla Battani on UnsplashMy ex faked being pregnant to stop me from breaking up with her. Every breakup after that, I waited until my girl’s period before breaking up with her. Having a crazy partner bargain with the life of your unborn child will mess you up.
34. What’s In A Name
I was dating a girl named Alison. My Grandma is also named Alison. I had mentioned that I found it a little weird that they had the same name. Her response haunts me. Once as we were becoming intimate, she asked, "Does this make you think of your grandma"? It didn't. Until then.
35. He’s Still Salty About It
I was at a costume party dressed as a piece of bacon, and this girl who had been drinking casually walks up to me, bites my chest through the costume and continues to whisper in my ear "what a juicy piece of meat". I probably stood there for a solid minute trying to figure out what just happened before getting the heck out of there.
36. Midnight Watch
worm's-view photo of brown concrete buildingPhoto by Daryan Shamkhali on UnsplashOne woman I was dating climbed up the fire escape next door and came in through my first floor bedroom window. That in itself wasn't actually the creepy part. What was creepy was she didn't jump in bed or anything. Instead, I woke up to her standing in the middle of my room, watching me sleep.
She actually turned her head to the side with a creepy smile and said, “Hello, sleepy head”. It was freaky as heck. I put chains on my windows after she left that day and told her it was to stop the cat from getting out my window.
37. She’s A Keeper
She said: "I can poo bigger than you can"! as she began dropping her pants. To be fair, we were only four years old at the time, behind my parent’s garage. And though I lost that contest, I married her years later and have since upped my game.
38. Umm, What?
The creepiest thing a woman ever said to me was: "Your lips looked dry while you were sleeping, so I licked them for you".
39. He Needed To Come To Terms With Her Daddy Issues First
man in black crew neck t-shirtPhoto by Noah Blaine Clark on UnsplashI was literally in bed with this girl when she whispers "You know why I’ve always liked you"? I asked why and she said, "You remind me of my dad". I didn’t leave right away, but I didn't call her for a while after that.
40. She Put A Spell On You
Once, my long-ago ex wanted to collect my fingernails and toenails for some kind of spell. And she'd sing creepily by herself in the dark at the foot of the bed. It was the creepiest thing I have experienced to this day.
41. Future Son-In-Law
The creepiest thing a woman ever said to me was: "I should hook you up with my daughter". She said this while she and I were in bed. Oh, that's not all. Her daughter wasn't even 18, and I was in my mid-40s. I was very weirded out by it.
42. How Do I Get A Stalker Like This?
group of people near bonfire near trees during nighttimePhoto by Tegan Mierle on UnsplashThis didn't happen to me, but when my dad was at sleep-away camp as a teenager, this girl had a crush on him so she snuck into his cabin and folded and reorganized all of his clothes. To be clear, my dad didn’t know her at all.
43. He Put Her On The Porch
My ex of less than a week climbed through my first-floor apartment bedroom window. It was 2:30 AM and she had been drinking. While climbing, one of her shoes fell off, and when she saw it she thought that it was another girl’s shoe.
She began to beat me with her shoe while yelling, "Whose shoe is this"? I had to bear hug her to get her to stop, and then I carried her out to the front door and placed her on the porch.
44. She Was Asserting Dominance
This girl didn’t say anything creepy; she DID something creepy. She took my hand, put it between her legs, and peed in it. Without any warning. I was absolutely disgusted to say the least. She said it was her thing.
45. That’s Just Weird
persons left hand doing peace signPhoto by gryffyn m on UnsplashThe creepiest thing I experienced with a woman was when I found half a bag of toenail clippings in her closet. When I confronted her about it, she said, "Yeah, I like to save them for later when I want a midnight snack". I gagged and got the heck out of there, needless to say.
46. Oh, Sorry I Wasn’t Listening
About six months after our breakup, my ex called me because she wanted to see me. It seemed strange to me but I accepted. When we met, she was friendly and all. It turned quickly into a nightmare. At a certain point, she pulls out a sheet of paper in which there was a list written of all the men she slept with after our relationship.
She read it all to me, with an accurate description of every intimate encounter. Well, it was awkward so I just sat there quietly, and then ordered my meal.
47. This One Is Movie Material
My wife and I were in town with our two-year-old son visiting my parents when an old high school friend (she was only ever a friend) came by to meet my wife and son. After we all sat and talked for a few hours and after what felt like a pretty normal night of company, we all got up to say good night. Then the most shocking moment of my life happened.
The friend hugged my wife goodbye then turned to me, grasped me very firmly into a hug, kissed me on the lips, and then whispered into my ear, "Your son should have been ours. I love you"!
She then turned away like it was totally normal and waved goodbye to us and left. My wife didn't see or hear any of it and I never told her. She thinks the girl is a decent person and we'll never see her again.
48. Better Late Than Never
Tattoo neon signagePhoto by Sherman Yang on UnsplashHere’s a creepy one for you. My ex got my name tattooed on her foot...three years after we broke up.
49. Stranger Danger
This is copied from an email I received from a stalker seven years ago: “When you and she have your baby, rest assured, I’ll be the one that raises it”. This was just many of the creepy things she sent me.
50. Whoa, This Is Next Level
I was talking to a girl on the phone who started telling me a story about how when she was seven, she pushed a girl into a pool and watched her struggle. The girl didn't make it. But that wasn't all. Her grandma came home, found out about it, and told her to tell the authorities it was an accident. That was a warning sign right there.