Listen, kids are the literal best thing to happen to the world - as long as you aren't a fan of order or tidiness, literally or metaphorically speaking. As long as you embrace children as the beautiful agents of chaos that they are, you're good to go.
Not sure what I mean? You're about to be. Imagine you're at work, in your groove and you get a phone call saying you need to come pick up your child. Most of you imagined your kid being sick - but take it from these next few folks, you never actually know. They could be sick, they could have accidentally made a weapon while trying to take candy to a friend.
Reddit user OriginalSofaSoldier asked:
Parents of reddit, what's the funniest reason you've been called into school to collect your child?
I'm telling you guys, skilled agents of chaos. So skilled. Here are some of the more popular answers, edited for language or clarity as needed.
The Reddest Face
GiphyI got a phone call earlier this year from the school nurse, saying she was concerned because my son had passed out while in the lunch line. I went to pick him up and he seemed a little dazed, but ok. My kid couldn't remember anything about what happened beforehand, so I made an appointment with his pediatrician for an hour later.
Right as we were getting ready to leave, he sheepishly said "mom, I just remembered that right before I passed out, we were playing a game to see who could turn their face the reddest."
So, my kid had me thinking he had a brain tumor but no, he just held his breath until he passed out, and not a single other kid thought they should mention that to the teacher.
S's and F's
My youngest had a slight speech impediment when he was at nursery, he would replace his S's with F's to approximate the sound. I had to have a chat with the Head at pick up time because I'd unthinkingly used the phrase 'so long suckers' when pulling away from some traffic lights the day before and he liked the sound of it so much he used it himself.
Lunch Date
I was in an early morning college class and when I got out I realized I had missed calls, texts, and emails from my daughter's preschool. A voicemail said she had been throwing up and to please hurry and come get her. When I got to the school the receptionist showed me to a room where my daughter was sat with a trashcan on her lap. She told me my daughter kept announcing she was throwing up and then would cough and spit into the trashcan. She had no fever and was otherwise cheerful and talkative. I signed her out, got her outside and into my car where she jumped forward and kissed my cheek and told me she missed me and where would I like to go for lunch. That kid busted herself out of preschool to finagle a lunch date with me. It worked.
Not In Class
I got a call that my son was sick and that I had to come pick him up. He was completely fine that morning. I asked the nurse, "he really can't go back to class?" and she said, "he says he's really sick." Fine.
I picked him up and on the walk home I asked what was up. He said he had to fart really badly and didn't want to do it in class. I laughed and said ok.
Two days later I get another call to pick him up. So I got him and it was for the same reason. I told him that it was funny once but that from now on, if he needed to fart in class, he should go to the bathroom lol.
Giving Forgery A Whirl
I was called in because the elementary school was going on a field that my son forgot to give me the permission slip for. He decided to give forgery a whirl. This was in first grade so the handwriting was awful. He also signed my name "Mom."
Blue Flannel
My mother was called to pick me and my twin sister up because we were turning blue. I think it was 4th grade. We felt fine though. It was only after she arrived that we all remembered she had put brand-new blue flannel sheets on our bed the night before.. apparently she hadn't washed them first.
Black Eyeshadow
I was the child, in sixth grade (I was 12). I was in my emo phase and was wearing a lot of black eye shadow from Claire's. I guess I wasn't so good at my makeup yet because they called my mom into the office to discuss my injuries and who was "hurting me"
Pardon My French
That was in elementary school, early years. The principal called us and looked at us with a stern look of disapproval while telling us our son was using bad language. I then proceeded to explain to her that my wife and I only spoke French at home and we did not have television. The only English our son had ever heard was at school, so I asked her what she was going to do about it. It was one of the shortest conversations I ever had with a principal.
Da Bomb
When my daughter was in 2nd or 3rd grade, i got a call about a present she had brought to school. So, the night before, she asked to go to the store to buy some Rolos because it was her friends birthday. She wrapped them up, and put them in her back pack. I never saw her finish them up or i would have stopped her. She had wrapped each rolo in red paper, bundled a few together, put little black pipe cleaner fuses on them, and attached a note that said "your da bomb". The school was not amused. I thought it was very clever though. There were no repercussions thankfully.
Fromage
Nephew is staying with me for 2 months ,I showed him Dexter's Laboratory for the first time, next day they call me to pick him up because he would only say "Omelette du Fromage" to any interaction
- Hawkov
Food trends are not so very different from fashion trends, constantly evolving and quickly becoming outdated or passé.
Can you think of the last time you were served ambrosia at a dinner party?
Or have you noticed how anything featuring kale is now met with an eye roll rather than excitement?
Of course, some food trends tend to last longer than others.
Even if many people wish that they would also become extinct... the sooner the better!
Redditor Prestigious-Humor872 was eager to hear all the food trends people wished would die out, and fast, leading them to ask:
"What modern food trend can you not wait to die?"
Less Isn't Always More...
"2 ingredient desserts (with 7 'optional' ingredients that appear once you read the actual recipe)."- strawberry-emma
You Pay For The Experience
"Food trucks that charge the same price as a premium restaurant but serve half the size on a floppy plate that I have to stand up to eat."- thorn_10
"Food trucks."
"Weren’t they supposed to serve cheaper food because of lower overhead?"
"No brick and mortar?"
"We have a lobster roll truck-pulled by a Range Rover- that shows up for lunch and charges $22 for one entree."
"Ridiculous."- tizzymyers·
GiphyChoice Of Words...
"Calling a slight alteration to a recipe a 'hack'."
"Adding parmesan cheese to your grilled cheese sandwich is not a 'hack'."
"It's a minor recipe change."- No_Pear_2326
Jumping The Gun A Bit...
"If I'm on a website I'm only there to look at your menu."
"I'm not interested in starting an order before I've looked at the menu."
"No, I don't want to give you my zip code."
"Just give me your menu and some food pictures."- DueRest
Staying Humble?
"Fancy restaurants that say they serve 'street tacos' and proceed to charge $18 for three."- Chipwich75
T-Bell Yes GIF by Taco BellGiphyThere's A Reason We're Told Not To Play With Our Food...
"The stupid food wasting trends on YouTube and TikTok etc."- fluffernuttersndwch
Presentation Is Key...
"For some reason putting food in wine glasses."- Ralphroberts603
"Restaurants serving food on cutting boards, shovels, paper, shells, or anything that is not an actual plate."- Funny_Disaster1002
meat grill GIF by Gifs LabGiphyRemember The Golden Arches And The Red Roofs?
"Making all fast food buildings look like cookie-cutter beige/grey boxes."
"They all used to have their own distinct personalities."- mattnotis
There's Economizing, And Then There's Jusy Poor Hygeine...
"The videos of people making food in sinks."
"Gross."- h20rabbit
Is It Even Still A Secret After 100 Thousand Views?
"Any TikTok/IG trend that makes life more difficult for fast-food workers with overly complex orders or ordering stuff not on the menu or trying to 'one up' each others orders etc."- HiThisIsMichael
bored fast food GIF by Zaxby'sGiphyMaybe It Gives Them Incentive?
"Tipping as an option BEFORE receiving good service."- mytimeis2044
Sweet Tooth? Or Cavity Express?
"Sweets on top of sweets."
"A milkshake with a donut, lollipop, and cupcake attached."- Marleygem
Technology Slowly Taking Our Jobs...
"I just went to a restaurant, not a fast food place, a sit-down restaurant where you have to scan the QR code for the menu, then a screen pops up where you have to place your own order."
"No one comes to the table to answer questions, nothing."
"You place your order, a person comes by and throws your drinks at you. "
"Then they swing by a while later and throw your food at you."
"That’s all you see of them."
"You pay your bill on your phone, and are still expected to tip."- Megmuffin102
Saint Urbain Website GIF by Front of HouseGiphyBe it in presentation, cooking style, or flavor profile, people will likely always try to make food "cool" in truly bizarre ways.
Sometimes ignoring that the only thing that should truly matter is whether or not it tastes good.
At least people have finally realized that kale doesn't need to be added to everything!
For now, at least...
When discussing love and relationships, the motto is usually less is more.
But what if there is more of one partner?
Being involved with identical twins can be quite the experience.
Can you really tell them apart?
Is everything identical?
If you're attracted to one, aren't you automatically attracted to the other?
So many questions.
Now we need some answers.
Redditor nicknamesofdaveryder wanted to hear about love and the twin experience, so they asked:
"Redditors who married someone with an identical twin sibling, why are you glad you're not with the other twin instead?"
I've never met a lot of twins, let alone gotten involved with a pair.
I have questions.
Hopefully I get some answers.
Saved
Comedy Central Wink GIF by Drunk HistoryGiphy"My late husband's twin was a non-functioning alcoholic and my husband wasn’t. My husband says joining the navy was what saved him from going down that road."
iteachag5
Falling Asleep
"Story time! I am an identical twin (we still look so much alike!) and one night I spent the night at her house. She and I fell asleep in the same bed because we were up late talking, etc. Her husband slept on the couch. The next morning my twin went to take a shower and her husband laid down on the bed with me (thinking it was her of course). I jokingly said 'Hey sailor, looking for a little variety?' He shot off the bed and said 'If I was looking for variety, do you think I'd choose you??'"
tanyagal2
The Good Guy And The Other One
"I didn't marry him but I dated an identical twin. His twin's girlfriend and I used to joke around that she got the evil twin. He was just a selfish, messed-up person. One of the benefits of breaking up with my boyfriend was no longer having his twin in my life. Plus, his ex gf and I are still great friends! The good guy was just the lesser evil. She wanted to get as far away from that family as I did. The best thing to come out of those relationships was our friendship."
super-ro
Love Wins
"My dad's an identical twin. People have a hard time distinguishing them, but to my mom and me, they look like two completely different people because of the way they walk/talk/etc. Obviously, my mom only fell in love with this one person. When you love someone it's actually pretty easy to tell identical twins apart."
michaelsgavin
Issues
Threaten Ashley Olsen GIFGiphy"The other twin has the same personality as I do. We argue readily and are super competitive with each other. We butt heads on a lot of issues."
why_not_send_a_nude
Personality clashes aren't just a twin thing.
It's a human thing.
We can't help ourselves.
Different People
Triplets GIF by RuPaul's Drag RaceGiphy"I work with a guy who married an identical triplet, one of the triplets also works with us. I asked him one day if it was weird working with someone who looked just like his wife. He got a little pissed and basically said they are all very different people and he doesn't see much of his wife in her."
LeafMeAlone_99
He's Evil
"We’re not married but known each other since we were 12 and have been together 3 and a half years. His twin is a massive di**head who tried to break us up multiple times, was madly in love with me in his own words, and after 2 years of pursuing me declared I was a terrible person and put him through hell. Because I didn’t break up with his TWIN BROTHER to date him."
xMollyP
Life Choices
"My husband and his twin brother look very different to me, although they are identical and get mistaken for one another all the time. They couldn’t be more different in terms of personality. They have different values and life goals, hobbies, one is introverted and the other is extroverted. If they were two people who didn’t look alike, I would automatically not be attracted to my brother-in-law simply because we are not remotely compatible personality-wise."
"Also they have very different styles. I do not find the way my husband’s twin dresses/grooms his hair attractive. It’s so wild to me when people can’t tell them apart because they couldn’t be more different in my eyes."
lanieeeeeeee
Opposites
"Well, my wife and I have been together for 30 years. She has a 'mirror' twin. Even now, if you don’t know them well or interact frequently you will not be able to tell them apart. They are complete opposites. I married the extrovert, she has never met a stranger, will try anything at least once, and can find a positive aspect in almost everything she encounters, they are also best friends, my wife drags her sister along all the time."
"Once she’s out she enjoys our activities. I love my SIL, all three of them, but so glad I married the one like me. The mirror part even goes for looks, when I see my wife’s reflection I see my SIL, it’s weird sometimes. Also, attitude and personality are everything, I have never been 'attracted' to her twin."
redbonecouchhound
The Look
Sexy Damon Wayans Jr GIF by Global TVGiphy"I used to date an identical twin. Although I found his brother objectively handsome, I wasn't attracted to him at all. It was cool to directly experience how attraction goes far beyond just the looks."
Liatessa
I've never been intrigued by twins, and now I never will be.
