Good parenting means accepting your kids as they are. If their interests involve driving across the country to take part in a softball tournament, you do it. If they need to stay up late preparing for a spelling bee, you do it. If they failed to notify you of a science project until 8pm the night before it's due, you help them complete it, then you ground them. See, that's the thing. You do it, but you don't have to like the kids.
Reddit user, u/bakeryoverlord, wanted parents to open up when they asked:
People of Reddit who genuinely dislike your own kids, when did you realize it and why?
Don't Take Your Guns To Town, Son
My middle son (19) stole a 9mm pistol from my 82 year old father. When I confronted him about it he said I didn't understand, he needed the money and if I had given him more he might not have done it. 2 months later got caught on video stealing the candy money jar from a Mexican restaurant, again says if I'd had given him money ( because he's completely cut off at this point) wouldn't have done it. Downward spiral continues, he takes no responsibility for anything . He's a selfish a--hole who won't take care of his kids much less himself. I never thought I'd say this about my own child but F-CK THAT GUY.
Lifestyle Changes Abound
I dont dislike my kids, but I really do hate the life i have. People say the kids don't need to change your way of living. But they do. They really do. Everything gets more expensive, you can't be spontaneous in the same way as before kids etc. There are so much things that are so much harder to do now and I feel so trapped and lonely.
Not A Real Mom
It's not that I dislike him, I just don't feel connected. I wanted kids my whole life and then I had him and it feels like I'm waiting for his real mom to pick him up sometimes
When Other Parents Are The Problem
It's not my son exactly, because I love him more than I can even express, but I think I dislike the act of being a parent.
I didn't know how much I'd lose, how tired I would be, how other parents treat you.. I have to be positive all the time to keep him secure and happy even when I feel like death.
When You're The Problem
I don't dislike my kid. But I dislike being a parent. I think I have a lot of unresolved issues that make it so I'm not the best suited to be a parent. If that makes sense
There's A Deeper Problem
I realized it recently, in therapy.
It's not really them, per se. I realized about myself that I dislike children, period. That said, the presence of my kids in my life 24/7 has led to a great deal of resentment under the surface that I am now finally in touch with, which means now I'm also trying to deal with the guilt of feeling this way about the people I brought into this world.
I want - desperately - to be able to get in my car and drive to Alaska back just because I can. But I can't. I want to be able to have something called a "quiet weekend", assuming there is such a thing. I want to have money in the bank, better prospects for career advancement, the ability to take a risk like starting my own business. But I can't. I need the stable paycheck so that I can keep food on the table for the people in my house who took my wife away from me.
Meanwhile, my oldest is consistently lying to my face, my oldest two are constantly at war with each other over stupid sh-t, my third is special needs, I've got two in diapers, and this was all stuff that my wife and I walked into thinking it would be wonderful.
Worst of all: for her, it is wonderful, and that makes me the bad guy for having these feelings, since I'm obviously just being incredibly selfish.
You know what? She's right. I do feel like the bad guy for having these feelings, and I do feel like I'm being selfish, but I can't just snap my fingers and make these feelings go away.
I'm just hoping that one day, these children will grow up and get out of my house so I can have my wife back, assuming they don't kill her first.
Do Step-Kids Count?
Step kids are really really really difficult. Sometimes I dislike mine, too. And sometimes I dislike my own kid. I love all of them and would tear the world in half if anyone tried to hurt them. But sometimes I just want to tell them to stop acting like sh-theads.My husband said it best when he described parenting as 95% misery and 5% bliss. That 5% keeps you going somehow.
A Fine, Fine Line Between Love And Respect
I disliked my 19-year-old for a while. He lost his d-mned mind; lied to me and his mom (my ex-wife) repeatedly over everything, got married without telling us to some girl he was friends with on FB (at 19, mind you), cheated on his wife of a month, got another girl pregnant not a year later, and complained for the longest time that it was my ex-wife and I's parenting that caused all this.
Now, I'm more than aware that we weren't perfect parents, highlighted by our divorce a few years ago late into his teen years (16 years old), but that sure as sh-t doesn't give him the right to be such a sh-tty person and treat others this way. These were only the highlight examples I gave, not even all the minor bullsh-t lies and shenanigans he was into. I totally get being angry with us but the amount of damage that he's caused others really made me dislike him as a person.
At almost 21 he's gotten his life a little more together this last year, finally getting a job, trying to take care of the girl he impregnated and take care of his divorce from his 'wife'. It's just rough... In about 4 months I'm going to be a grandparent and I don't even know the girl he knocked up and he doesn't think he's going to stay with her (as a couple, not abandoning his child). It's really sullied the experience of finding out you're going to be a grandparent. I'm not even mad that he's young and doesn't have his sh-t together, it's all the lies and bullsh-t that his relationship(s) are predicated on and that he has no real reservations about hurting others (through lies, not physically) if it means getting his own way. He just has a long way to go in being a person I can actually respect. I love my son, I really really do, but I find that respecting him is something I just can't really do right now. I hope this changes soon if only for his child to grow up in a stable environment.
At Least Stab Me In My Back To My Face
My feelings changed the moment my (then 17 year old) daughter sucker punched me on side of my head during an argument about her cleaning her room.
I guess in my mind she did something taboo. You never, ever hit your mom...but she did. I love her but she broke my heart that day and I can't seem to get over it.