I grew up watching Turner Classic Movies. One of my favorites? Mervyn LeRoy's The Bad Seed, one of the top American films of 1956. The film, based on the bestselling novel by William March, is about a fragile housewife who slowly begins to suspect that her precocious eight-year-old daughter is murdering people in town. The film has served as the inspiration for other films about killer kids ranging from 1981's Bloody Birthday to 1993's The Good Son and 2009's Orphan.
But we're not talking about killer kids here... hopefully your own child doesn't grow up to burn someone alive in a basement. What if your child grows up to be, you know, just a jerk, and then maybe, just maybe, far more than that? After Redditor Fred-the-human asked the online community, "Parents, when did you realize it wasn't teenage hormones and your kid is a legitimate butthole?" parents (and others) shared their stories.
"My wife wasn't connecting the dots."
It's my stepson.
My wife wasn't connecting the dots. I finally pointed out that he's 30 which is how old I was when we got married. He's got no skills and no education and no career prospects but he does have a bunch of felonies. That got the wheels spinning but when she was taking our daughter for a walk with some little kids that they were babysitting they found him passed out in a car in the side of the road, obviously coming down from whatever he was on she finally got it. So she kicked him out and he threw a big tantrum and smashed stuff and cussed her out on his way out the door.
I let her know that if she ever tries to move him into the house again, I'm grabbing our daughter and moving out and that it won't be a discussion.
"He only realized it..."
Not me, but my grandfather recently learned the true colors of his narcissistic son (my uncle) after fifty years. He only started realizing after my grandmother passed away this year and my uncle has been a total piece of s*** to my grandfather. It's sad that it took so long and it is now driving a rift between my uncle and my grandfather.
"If his mother won't do what he wants..."
I knew my stepson was lying all the time within a couple of months of his mother and I getting married. My ex-best friend from HS was a lot like him on the lying part.
Couple of years later, he kicks in our back door after going missing for a week (he's 15 at this point), and steals electronics. Cops called, he's apprehended 30 minutes later headed for the pawn shop. My wife still isn't accepting reality at this point. He spends 6 weeks locked up in a boot-camp style facility. Comes back, is like a different person for less than a week. His birthday comes around, he goes off the rails, locked up for 6 months.
He's been in and out of the county jail for the last 7 years. He's a sociopath. He can emulate feelings, but has no real connection to people. He wants what he wants and if he has to take from someone else, so be it. If his mother won't do what he wants, he gets emotionally abusive. Until last summer when he put her in the hospital. I officially disowned him, and she agreed. For about 3 months. She just won't defend herself. I have to be a major ahole about it to try to protect her. She still went over $5K in debt for him and the 3rd baby by the 3rd baby momma. Our relationship rides on a thin razor's edge when it comes to him.
"The middle one is constantly belittling her sister..."
My oldest daughter has a learning disability. My middle daughter is in Pre AP classes. The middle one is constantly belittling her sister fir not knowing certain things. She walks around with this I'm better than you attitude. We didn't raise her that way. My wife will tell her bluntly to stop being terrible to her sister.
"My mother finally cut my brother off..."
My mother finally cut my (47) brother off after 25 years. She gave him 2k a month or more, and still pays his cell bill. I told her if she wanted to tear through every cent she had and then complain that he made no effort to call her (unless the check was late), I was bailing out of the picture. She also realized his unemployed @ss was too busy to help take care of her. I think she knew years ago he was a lazy manipulative person, but he's the baby and she could never say no. Anyway, f*** my family.
"We found out..."
Adding this to stress medical issues: My son was a legitimate butthole for most of his teenage years. Terrorized his younger brother, had to argue about everything! He saw his pediatrician regularly and a psychiatrist. In his late teens, he suffered with depression and anxiety. I asked his new doctor (adult primary care physician) to run thyroid tests. I had depression and anxiety at his age and wasn't tested until I was 24. I found out that I have hypothyroidism.
We found out that although his thyroid was ok, he had a very strange level of testosterone. Very low. Once he started replacement therapy, his attitude, depression, and anxiety all improved!
His doctor told me that she wouldn't have even thought about testing him because of his age but she was glad that I had pushed for it.
"In all honesty..."
In all honesty waaaaaaay before they were even teenagers.
My stepson and daughter are one of the significant reasons that I'm planning to end my relationship with their mother.
They are 10 and 12, I've known them since they were 6 and 8.
I've tried really hard to engage with them and parent them as equally as I do my own children, but they just don't get it.
Their mother treats them like they're little angels whilst they sit on their arses all day glued to screens. They're a couple of years behind the usual in reading and in maths and I'd hoped to use lockdown as an opportunity to get them up to speed but it was thrown back at me with surly behaviour and non-engagement, I received no support from their mother so I ended up giving up as it was pretty obvious I was wasting my time.
I've come to realise two things, you can't educate pork and you can't help those who won't help themselves.
"Watching them figure it out..."
My parents didn't realize until my sister was 30. Watching them figure it out was heartbreaking. For years it was "oh, you all do it to each other" and suddenly it was "oh, this isn't a healthy relationship for any of us" real quick. They realized we hadn't been exaggerating about anything, but she had flat out been lying for years. They stopped putting up with her s***, she chose to cut contact with all of us, got even madder when we all said we'd give her the space she wanted, she wanted us to "fight for her." Mum is the only one who talks to her now. Plus side, my parents, other sister and I have the best familial relationship we've ever had.
"She used her diagnosis..."
My sister would always explode at the drop of a hat, destroy everything, get extremely violent, etc. She'd see things and get increasingly paranoid. Eventually she began to self medicate with drugs and alcohol.
Later in life, I convinced her to get help and she was diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia. (Duh.) At that point I was like, "oh she really can't help it. Things will get better now!"
She used her diagnosis to doctor shop and find one who prescribes things to her that get her high, but exacerbate her symptoms. She uses her diagnosis as an excuse to be absolutely awful and abuse people. She's in and out of jail and constantly fighting with someone. Still took me until this year to realize that that's who she is and to give up. Sometimes you just really wanna believe you can love the evil out of someone.
"She doesn't understand..."
My daughter is five and she's stone cold. She doesn't understand the meaning of the words she uses, but she knows the effect they will have on people. We're legit worried about what happens when the hormones show up.
"Not that she did anything terrible..."
My step sister has always been incredibly lazy and worked harder to not do housework than actually help out. She would throw tantrums to not go to school, not wash dishes, and everyone just kind of let it off as hormones. I always ended up doing all her chores.
Not that she did anything terrible like some poeple in this thread, but one thing she did was lie. She lied a lot and one of them split my family apart and drove my step-moms depression and bipolar disorder over the edge. She also just had no opinion or good characteristics. I always say, she is a blank canvas that everyone else paints on. Especially her mother. Her mother thinks she is the most amazing person in the world, better than my brother and I, who both work and have a life of our own.
She wrote a letter to my father years later when he left the house basically blaming him for her depression and everything that went wrong in the family, another lie. Ive known this girl since i was 11. Became my sister and yet she threw us under the bus for nothing. Luckily I have a half sister with much better qualities than her who loves and adores my brother and I.
Fyi. Now she is 23, dropped out of College, no potential, engaged and all she wants to do is sit at home and do nothing.
"She was two years older..."
My sister is a pretty terrible person. We were raised the same way - fairly open. I had absolutely no restrictions: I could have girls in my room, I had absolutely no curfew, my parents even thought I went to one of my friend's house to smoke pot and let me (we actually stayed up all night playing Halo in a cabin, so my eyes were red and I smelled like I tried to cover up any smell using fireplace smoke).
She was two years older and had more restrictions placed on her due to her doing things like sneaking out and driving home drunk.
They probably could have punished her more when we were children. She would always start the fights, and when we were left alone in the house she would sadistically attack me. She would pound on my door for hours, and since I didn't have a lock I needed to sit in front of it holding it shut. I don't really blame them though, as there was no way for them to know..what I wouldn't have gave for a video recording device like every kid has now.
Anyways, I think some people are just going to be bad people, and there's not much you can do about it. She genuinely takes pleasure in other people's pain. It's pretty ironic she became a nurse.
"He managed to convince the doctor..."
My mom says it was when my brother was 3.
It was the mid 80s and he used to beat the s*** out of us whenever we stepped "outta line" so my mom took him to a therapist to have him evaluated. He managed to convince the doctor that my mother was hitting us. She was spanking, but my brother made it sound like she used him as a punching bag, and Child Protective Services had to investigate. Nothing came of it,but my parents yanked him from therapy; my parents have been too afraid to discipline him ever since, and he basically emotionally scarred the hell out of us other 3 siblings.
Now he's a 34 year old ex-Navy hoarder that "remodels reclaimed properties" and lives on his own. He has girlfriends, but eventually he breaks them down so hard they either get smart and run, or they snap and either become alcoholics or try to kill him. The "love of his life" did both.
"The good news is..."
I can't speak for my mom, but I first realized my brother is a s***** person when he kicked her out of her house (he was living with her) on Christmas Eve one year because he was throwing a party he'd been planning "for a long time" (he was 27, if that matters). Mom and my (then-9-year-old) half-brother had plans, but had to cancel because they got sick and wanted to spend a quiet evening at home. Older bro generously booked them a hotel room for the night, which was where she called me from in tears.
He'd always been a self-centered, sensitive ass but that was when it finally dawned on me that he wasn't a good person. The good news is that he's cut me out of his life over a facebook post I made (I complained that I had to buy my own car when our parents bought him three so far because he keeps wrecking them). He sent me an angry text that he doesn't want to speak to me for the rest of my life (he specified my life because I'm a terminal cancer patient) and ignored all my attempts to apologize. I cried for hours, but the next day I realized I'm way better off without him.
"The first time I saw..."
My girlfriend's 5 year old. The first time I saw an extremely friendly dog run from her I raised an eyebrow. Then I got to see her try to control the world and just be a general a-hole. It blows my mind how animals see right through people...
"And then there's the other one."
My aunt has two of the nicest children I've ever met. They're smart, kind, and funny, and love everyone to bits.
And then there's the other one.
My aunt knew her children were ass***** from before they were born. She didn't want a kid... So instead she had 3 with a guy she knew was cheating on her. But she had three and it was done, and now she's a single mom who absolutely hates her kids. She does anything to avoid spending time with them.
As I said, the youngest two are as great as they can be in such a predicament. She despises them the most. I've never seen her speak with either beyond simple commands.
The oldest is a piece of s***. He's the worst person I have ever met. And she ADORES him. He hits his younger sister in the face? Well obviously she was annoying him. He punches every man he meets in the junk? Oh, he's just playing!! He refuses to call any of us by our familiar titles (he won't say "grandma and grandpa", he calls my grandma either by her first name or "toots".... A far cry better than childhood, when he'd call her "sugartits" cause he heard it on TV)
He's abusive, obnoxious, and overall horrible. My aunt has yet to recognize this. We all knew it from the day he was born.
"My aunt realized this..."
My aunt realized this when he punched me in the mouth at 4. He was in his 20s for the record at the time this happened. But my aunt's denial was so strong that she ignored all of the signs of it. Now he's paralyzed from the neck down and she is taking care of him. He still verbally abuses her. I wish he died in that accident instead of being paralyzed.
"I feel a lot of it..."
As the younger brother of someone who is a near constant arsehole to our parents the truth is most decent parents won't admit that their kid turned out a bad person. They just see themselves as the blame, that they did something wrong or try to find explanations such as mental illness (to be fair he's been diagnosed but nothing finite, either way he's still a fully functioning adult, no learning disabilities). I remember him always being a little s***, he hated seeing my parents giving me praise. My parents always describe it misbehaving as a child, pulling fire alarms and destroying shop displays as well.
I feel a lot of it does come from my parents being too lenient on him or not encouraging empathy at least. That's the biggest tell if you ask me, if you can see that your child can't recognise the negative feelings they're producing in others by the age of 8 then you need to get them help. You shouldn't consider it just a phase by that point, children are a lot smarter than most adults give them credit, they have the emotional capacity to recognise emotional pain in others by 8 (baring learning difficulties which in itself requires them getting extra help) ultimately they're not doing so for other reasons and need to understand how it feels to be on the end of the abuse they generate.
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It's another ordinary day in America.
So of course that means we've already had a mass shooting or two before brunch.
And aside from the mass shootings, the number of single gunshot wounds or deaths is too high to count.
So let's discuss the aftermath.
Let's hear from the people who have faced the barrel of a loaded gun, or were just a casualty going about their day.
What happens after the bullet lands?
***CAUTION - SENSITIVE MATERIAL AHEAD - TRIGGER WARNING***
Redditor notaninterestingacc wanted to hear from the people who have lived the nightmare. They asked:
"Gunshot survivors of Reddit - What does it feel like to get shot?"
Guns are not a joke. Please educate yourself before you purchase.
Then the pin hit...
"I took a 7.62 to the stomach in Afghanistan. Felt like somebody had smacked with like, I dunno, a flyswatter or something. A short sharp smack. Didn’t feel much until I tried to come out of cover and I just... couldn’t. Couldn’t make my body listen to me. Then the pain hit. I’d put it at like, I dunno, an 11/10. Bullet blew off half my liver."
Thank you EMS...
"Chest, .357 magnum, through sternum, lung, ricochet off of rib, through scapula. Still have half under my shouldblade. Felt like I was stabbed in the chest with a hot fire poker mounted to the bottom of someone's foot when they drop kicked me. Was not expected to survive (severe blood loss), of course. Very good EMS team kept the liquids where they were supposed to and great doctors and nurses kept me going."
"I didn't really feel either of mine until about 10 minutes later. Took a grazing shot off my left arm and one in the right hip that went out my back thankfully missing my kidney. The arm felt like a bee sting the hip knocked me back a step the adrenalin at the time masked the pain."
The Masked Men
"I was shot during a home robbery. I’m probably one of The luckiest people alive. The bullet no joke scratched my cheek and then went through the top of my ear and also a bullet grazed my wrist and opened it up. I didn’t feel anything but just liquid running down my face and my wrist was burning."
"Scariest night of my life and RIP Christian. Miss you so much buddy. Here is proof. We... https://www.chron.com/neighborhood/katy/crime-courts/article/Man-charged-in-attempted-burglary-apartment-6236325.php Authorities said Burke and Brandon Fries, 21, fought the suspects for their guns, which were fired during the struggle."
"The two masked men fled, and investigators initially did not have any information about which direction they went or whether they escaped from the scene by car. Both Burke and Fries had been shot and were transported to Hermann Memorial Hospital in Katy. Burke was pronounced dead upon arrival at the emergency room, less than four miles away.”
Like a Rock
"I got shot in the ankle when I was 10. Honestly I thought a rock hit me. Just a slight stinging feeling. Didn't really hurt, I even kept running with my bike. Later at the hospital was a different story. The doctor tried to remove the bullet without putting me under."
"He said the pain medicine would make me forget everything. He gave up after a few minutes of hell. And, whatever he gave me didn't work as described, but it did oddly make everyone look purple from what I remember. So maybe it half worked? lol."
People really? How in the world do y'all get firearms?
"Right thigh, 9mm, grazing shot across the front of the leg about 4 inches above the knee. It plowed a channel of skin and some flesh off the front. It felt searing hot like someone had laid a hot piece of metal on my leg for a second. Then, the pain went away for a while until the adrenaline wore off. It honestly hurt worse 6 hours later than it did when it happened."
A slight pinch...
"I was randomly shot while walking down the street with my girlfriend in 2013. I didn't fall to the ground or anything like that. Walked into a store and told them to call the cops. It didn't hurt too bad at first. A slight pinch. The heat builds up and the pain comes in. Some throbbing as the blood pumps out. I was extremely lucky as the bullet lodged between my lower right ribs in the back just above my kidney."
"The aftermath was a really achey back. What I remember most was how everyone around me except for my girlfriend just walked around us like nothing happened. I was suffering and potentially dying and everyone just ignored it. 'Not my problem' I suppose. I lost a lot of faith in people that day."
Not the Head
"I accidentally discharged my 9 and I was hit in the head. While it was going on I honestly did not feel any pain but everything slowed way down. Healing and recooperating was the hardest. My mouth and jaw was wired shut for several months. Had to have complete facial reconstruction surgery."
"Had to take a piece of bone from my skull and graph it to my nose just so I could have a nose. I also had to have a feeding tube for almost a whole year. I've recovered fully and I'm very lucky. I remember mostly everything. Something's from the incident I don't remember, but for the most part, I have my memories in tact."
"My gf was shot, not me, but she said it felt hot and like impact but not particularly painful until much later. She was in shock and went to the hospital, after hours she said it started to hurt."
"This was my response too. It feels incredibly hot. It's like getting hit with a bee that's on fire. It burns like hell. But then, and only later, does is f**king hurt. The part two is that you might think you understand pressure, but get shot. It doesn't just hurt, it mashes into you."
"A good friend of mine got hit with a ricochet from a 9mm that hit his calf, there was drive by about a block down. He was outside of the bar smoking a cig when it happened, ran inside and felt his leg burning but decided to keep drinking. He had about 3 more drinks before someone mentioned he was bleeding… went to the ER absolutely hammered and was fine after surgery."
Please stay sober when handling a weapon. Please be careful in general.
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It's never attractive to gloat.
Nor does superiority ever come off as a particularly attractive attribute.
But, consciously or not, some people speak or behave in a way that immediately suggests that they think they deserve to be treated differently, i.e better than others.
Or that they believe they simply are better than other people.
A recent Redditor was curious what sort of behavior struck other people as elitist or arrogant behavior by asking:
"What screams "I am entitled"?"
Where's the fire?
"Impatience in situations where it should be just universally understood that you need patience".- c7hu1hu.
Positions of power.
"I will have you fired!"- Vergo27.
"Generally just leaving something for someone else to deal with."- Splatty_boi_420.Season 3 Reaction GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
Sorry, but I was here first.
"People who cut in line."- Chad_Farthousse.
"People who ignore lines and cut in the front, like their time is more important than every other person patiently queueing."- ofsquire.
"Do you know who I am!?!"- ThoriumLad.Organized Crime Nbc GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
No one loves a tattletale.
“I’ll call my dad and tell him what you did!”- ROAM300.
Ever heard of quid pro quo?
"When they do something to you and think it’s fine but when you do it in return and they freak out."- Silvero129.
Name your price.
"I work as a ticket seller for a ski resort."
"My favorite entitled person is the guy who, upon finding out that the kid's ski lesson was sold out, offered to pay extra if I would kick someone else's kid out so his kid could have a spot."- Floranagirl.
"People who brag about their parents’ money."- SpecialExamination41.Hustling Music Video GIFGiphy
Perhaps one of the most obvious ways to unwittingly show off your entitlement?
By being oblivious to how entitled you are.
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There's something about the woods that creeps me out. Listen here, people: I'm a city guy. The idea of getting lost out there freaks me out. No thank you. I wasn't made for that. The rest of you who like to go camping and stuff? You do you. I'll stick with my running water.
But maybe I've seen too many horror movies. After all, if I saw some creepy stuff in the woods I'd definitely run in the other direction. And so would you, right? Right?
People shared their best stories with us after Redditor shantics asked the online community,
"What have you seen in the woods that you can’t explain?"
"I stepped on what I thought was a small rock but it turned out to be weird and gelatinous. I've also seen tombstones in the woods."
You just suprised it. Rocks are soft and squishy, they just tense up when you touch them! /s
"I was hiking through the remnants..."
"I was hiking through the remnants of a remote, long-abandoned town and the surrounding area. To get to as far into the woods as I was, you had to cross fallen trees over a creek three times. I had just crossed the third "bridge" and was about five miles in and something blue caught my eye just ahead of me."
"There was a man, in his sixties at least, wearing blue satin pajamas, sitting in a tree. The closer I got to him the louder he laughed; it wasn't a maniacal laugh, but it set off all the alarms in my head nevertheless. He also wasn't wearing any shoes and looked well-groomed/cleaned."
"I gave him a friendly nod as I passed and he just kept laughing. Then it stopped. I turned and he was gone. There was no branch cracking, plants rustling, nothing... He was just gone."
"Still rubs me the wrong way. The area I was in was a pretty rough hike, very secluded. Not very many people venture as deep as I was that day. No idea what was going on there."
“Over the Third Bridge” would be a great title for a spooky book or movie.
"Neat as a pin..."
"Fully decorated Xmas tree. Middle of summer. Neat as a pin it was, as if it had just been finished. Who ever did it came back at some point and cleaned it up, because it wasn't there next I did that trail a week or so later."
This one’s not that uncommon actually. Lots of folks will decorate a tree in remembrance of someone out in the woods. Sucks when they don’t clean them up though.
"It's an interesting..."
"In Japan. A hotel was abandoned before it was ever finished being built. It only became a cement skeleton, about 5 stories high. It was left that way to eventually mold back into the forest around it."
It’s an interesting small building to explore. There are halls that are unlevel to the point of hitting your head on the ceiling (think: Willy Wonka)."
"There are stairwells that lead to nothing and one that leads to an unintentional hole in a cement wall. And on the top floor (but “inside” - as in, under the “roof”), is an old car - all smashed up - with seemingly no reason or method to have been up there."
This reminds me of those old abandoned amusement parks that pretty much exist to destroy me mentally.
"I once walked..."
"I once walked through the undergrowth (i.e. off the trail) with my then-girlfriend when we came across this spot where a few empty plastic bags were lying on the ground (strange because the woods are otherwise super clean), a pair of gloves and, most confusingly, the official ID card (= passport) of a young woman."
I would freak out and call the cops. That sounds like a murder scene.
"Many plastic bags..."
"Many plastic bags with nothing really in them but random odd things tied to trees. Sure, it could have been a homeless person but us kids att (like 12+) of us lived in those small woods behind the church every single day. We never saw anyone like that, ever. Passing through I guess, but why so many bags...still wonder."
Do we want to know what was in them? Probably not.
"When I was a teenager..."
"When I was a teenager, I worked at a fireworks stand that was run by my friend's family. It was in a rural area: they owned a few acres of land, had the fireworks tent at the front of the property and the house towards the back, but no lights in between. My friend's mother would prepare dinner for all the workers and we'd take turns going back to the house for dinner."
"One night, I was going to the house for dinner by myself. I felt something on my arm. I thought a bug might have landed on me, but it was really dark so I couldn't see anything. I stopped walking for a second. Then I started hearing this low, raspy breathing right next to me."
"There weren't any people around me and it didn't sound anything like a bug. It was like a slow, asthmatic wheeze."
"I started getting really freaked out. I reached my hand down to my arm and felt... something larger than I expected. I furiously rubbed my hands all across my body to try and dislodge whatever this thing was, then ran as fast as I could to the house. When I finally got to the safety of the house, I could see a small red mark on my arm, but that was it."
"To this day, it's probably the most freaked out I've ever been."
Chills reading this! Nooo thank you!
"Several very large holes..."
"Really big holes. Several very large holes, fairly close to each other, that seem to serve no purpose. Ten feet wide, deep enough that if you jumped in you’d have to have help getting out. Was someone preparing to bury a bunch of people? Was someone punishing their kid by making them dig holes? Did they hear there was buried treasure out there?"
"We’ve never figured it out."
How far apart? How neat were the holes? In a plantation or natural wood? Accessible by a small excavator?
"I once saw a huge pile of cat and dog skulls and bones about 100m from my cabin so we sold the cabin as soon as we could. It was creepy."
This definitely sounds like the beginning of a horror film. Did the ghosts follow you? Please report back.
"There's a small patch..."
"There's a small patch of woods where I live. You could walk across it in less than an hour. It's entirely safe and has marked trails. People somehow manage to get lost in there and I can't explain that."
Did they stumble across the bounds of time and space? That might explain it. But you might be underestimating how many people lack a sense of direction.
None of this makes you want to go out into the woods, huh? Yeah, we thought so. We'll pass the next time we get an offer to go camping somewhere.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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We're all not geniuses.
Everybody has varying degrees of knowledge and brain power.
And that is ok.
Though some of us are really lacking in any sense and every once and awhile people like to sugarcoat that fact when they call us out.
"Bless your heart."
That's a big one in the South. Means... "I like you, but Lord are you missing marbles."
Redditor MrMadJoker wanted to know the most creative ways to describe people who lack a few IQ points.
"What's your favorite euphemism for a dumb person?"
"You're missing a few pieces of the puzzle."
Said to me from my Geometry teacher. Now I know what he meant.
And... he was right.
"I could give them a penny for their thoughts and I'd get change back."
hopefulsite126tyler labine penny GIF by HULUGiphy
"He's got 2 brain cells left, and they're fighting for 3rd place."
"One more neuron and he'd have a synapse."
"The wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead."
"My old english teacher used to say 'I can smell the hamster burning.'"
"Bruh how u gonna do hamsters like that. Im dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣"
"You're the reason we have warning labels."
"My bosses comment about my non-too bright coworker 'you can’t get mad at her- she’s the reason shampoo has directions and she probably still f**ked it up…'”
"You see? Because of me, they have a warning label."
“The lights are on but no one’s home.”
Lovemesomecarrotsseason 1 s1 GIF by Dream Corp LLCGiphy
Ok... some of this is some good comedy.
"I'm an American, but I love when British folks call people Muppets. For a long time Europe has led the way in insult innovation, and I think it's time we caught up."
JonSnow31391The Muppet Show Muppets GIFGiphy
"Less useful than a chocolate teapot."
"My Physics teacher used to say 'more pointless than a chocolate fireguard' whenever we had pencils that were too blunt for graph drawing hahaha."
"German version of that is 'dumber than a piece of bread.'"
I Like Turkey
"Shouldn't be left in charge of a ham sandwich."
"I had a college professor who had met Gaddafi (God have mercy on him), the late dictator of Libya, and his impression was 'it would've been a shame to put that lunatic in charge of 10 chickens.'"
"Lol... for some reason this reminds me of Gordon Ramsay saying on Kitchen Nightmares that he wouldn’t trust a guy to run his bath, let alone his restaurant 😅."
No Top Floor
"Your elevator doesn't go to the top floor. You're as sharp as a marble. You'd be stuck for an answer at hello (that's from Classy Freddie Blassie you pencil necked geeks)."
"People tell me my elevator doesn't go the whole way to the top floor but I don't even HAVE an elevator."
"People tell me that too! We should go buy one~"
"My grandpa says: 'A lot of space between them ears.' Which is my absolute favorite, because a lot of people don't get it at first and just enforces the meaning."
Blobfish_BluesExcited Aww GIF by TikTokGiphy
Not all of us are going to break IQ records. That's ok. But these descriptions are funny.
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